Generation New Age
If you are a high school student (anywhere) and have participated in (any) sport or activity, it’s very likely that you have been asked (multiple times) to be a leader. Whether it was president, captain, treasurer, or secretary, taking on a role of leadership is nothing short of daunting. Though we may have tried to avoid it, by senior year the responsibility ultimately falls upon us to take the lead. (Lucky us). And so we ask ourselves:
Can I take up the reins? Can I fill those big shoes? Can I accept the challenge?
No matter what your answers are, you have nothing to fear. As seen by our flawless political systems, we have been conditioned to believe that being a leader is about standing behind a podium (with a teleprompter in the background), making scandalous remarks to the press (about the last session of Congress and the last episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, respectively), and promising for a better tomorrow (while accomplishing absolutely nothing today). Though it may make the whole “leadership deal” appear a lot easier, it hardly seems legitimate. Does this really sound like what a true leader does?
Being a leader is not about the next election, the infamy, or even the memorials. Instead of fixating on their personal gain, a true leader is focused on the collective gain. The answer to the questions above are not about stepping up and stepping over – but rather stepping aside. Lao Tzu, founding Chinese philosopher of Taoism and author of the Tao Te Ching, eloquently summed it up with the following:
True leaders
are hardly known to their followers.
Next after them are the leaders
the people know and admire;
after them, those they fear;
after them, those they despise.
When the work’s done right,
with no fuss or boasting,
ordinary people say,
“Oh, we did it.”
Though Lao Tzu said these words in 500 BC, they still ring just as true in 2013 AD. Though a leader may have massive amounts of power, a true leader disregards their own ego and its conquest for more power. To be empowering, not powerful, is what drives a group to harmony, unity, and ultimately, success. By simply serving as a voice of inspiration, rather than authority, ideas from all ranks of the group can flourish. Letting the group speak for itself leads its members to recognize just how creative they are. Sensing their own abilities, the group fosters trust in each other’s potential. As the group recognizes their own awe, the final step of the leader is to let it all happen seamlessly without any indication of intervention. With this dynamic change, the followers and the leader become one; a singular body with a sole vision to be the best that they can be. With a single greatest vision of the grandest version, the group will thrive.
In my years of high school, I have had the honor of being Speech Captain and Student Director. In both of those years, our team was Regional Champions for Individual Events and State Finalists for Group Interpretation. Though yes, I was a leader for both of these highly respected and esteemed events, I cannot take responsibility for their successes. I only reminded them of their greatness. And with that reminder, they choose to be beyond great. I couldn’t ask for anything more. I love you Titans.
(Lauren is a Feature Editor of The Global Conversation. She lives in Wood Dale, IL, and can be reached at Lauren@TheGlobalConversation.com)
Within the remaining months of high school, my senior class has turned into two very distinct directions. While my classmates seem to be content loafing every moment possible, I find myself even more busy (though it is probably not physically or emotionally possible) than ever before. It seems as though every single minute of my day must be micromanaged, in order to accomplish even half of what I set out to do. And that’s why I’m asking today’s question: Am I just that crazy, or are they just that lazy?
In utmost honesty, both sides can expand on their highest vision of the grandest version of themselves. When reexamining the list of The 25 Core Messages of Conversations With God, I realized that I had been stumped right at message #3: “There’s nothing you have to do. There is much you will do, but nothing you are required to do. God wants nothing, needs nothing, demands nothing, commands nothing.”
I admit, I often stay fixated in the “efficiency” stage, where concern is placed much more heavily on accomplishing the task rather than what the task is contributing to the world wellness and wholeness. Simply understanding that the world will continue to spin, albeit a little less proficiently, when not everything is in perfect order is just another basic fact of life. Though I may have a hard time personally accepting this fact, knowing that life is good – no matter what gets done or what doesn’t – is another step towards understanding the bigger picture.
In full regard, There is nothing we have to do. This very statement goes against all traditional form of logic and understanding of Western society, but is exactly why we should start our New Cultural Story. By placing more focus on what we choose to do, we create a much happier and healthier way of life. With emphasis on our decisions, rather than our compulsions, necessity diminishes as personal freedom increases. It’s time to recognize our conscious decisions for what they truly are, instead of what we perceive society to tell us. Even further, isn’t it time we create an entire new way of being while we’re at it?
On the other side of the table, my classmates should also consider message #19: “The Three Core Concepts of Holistic Living are Honesty, Responsibility, and Awareness. Live according to these precepts and self-anger will disappear from your life.” If my classmates do not take responsibility for who they are, do not bring forth the awareness to think deeply about who they are, and are do not have the honesty to sincerely know who they are, then they are letting society create that definition for them. Without having control of our most basic truths, we let others define them for us. Though it may be easier not be responsible, aware, and honest, is it really worth losing that sense of self? By letting go of our self-reliance, society has made us reliant on the rules of religion and politics. Do we really want to continue that track of letting others decide for ourselves?
Clearly, there is not the “perfect” side. All there is just a change in perspective, and if they are coupled with a change in understanding, then both sides can WORK TOGETHER to create a better way of life for all. By knowing that our work here is based off our choice, and that we can choose to have responsibility, awareness, and honest as part of our fundamental core of being, we can officially drop the struggle and decide on a new path to take together. As message #25 states: “Let there be a New Gospel for all people of Earth: “We are all one. Ours is not a better way, ours is merely another way.” No matter what direction we take, we all end up as one. If we choose to, we can be in oneness even faster. Will you choose to?
(Lauren is a Feature Editor of The Global Conversation. She lives in Wood Dale, IL, and can be reached at Lauren@TheGlobalConversation.com)
Part 3: Everything is Perfect, Right?
After nearly four years of high school, I can easily say that I have become an entirely new person. What I can’t easily say is that the path has been ideal. Through various unforeseen and underestimated challenges, hardships, and trials, we have been perfectly timed into being the people we are today. Though the daily process has been anything but heavenly, has the timing been divine?
Timing seems to be, at best, an elusive concept that always leaves us guessing on our path in life. But instead of devoting the time and energy into contemplating the “what if”, we should be focusing our energy at the “why now”. Is timing just a collision of random events that fall either inside or outside our favor? Or, could there possibly be more to the picture altogether? In truth, our life’s timing is not only purposeful, but is also flawlessly connected with the timing of the universe itself. Through both the incidental and purposeful events, our state of being has been shaped and sculpted by the infinite number of events that seem just too poignant to be coincidental. Dr. Deepak Chopra, author of Synchro Destiny, writes that “every time we experience these ‘coincidences’, we can dismiss them as random occurrences in a chaotic world, or we can recognize them for the potentially life-altering event it may prove to be.” By understanding that our timing is miraculous, rather than inconvenient, we can grow, transform, and thrive though our physical phase. Rather than being a victim of our time, we can use our timing to become even more of Who We Are and Who We Wish to Be.
When we step back from our situation, we see just how all the pieces have synchronously come together to create our story. As Dr. Chopra further notes, we must go beyond simply seeing these synchronistic events in our lives after the fact. Rather, we should look to “develop an awareness of [synchronistic events] while they are happening…as awareness translates into energy. The more attention you give [synchronistic events], the more likely they are to appear, which means that you begin to gain greater and greater access to the messages being sent to you about the path and direction of your life.” Timing of events in our life act as signposts, giving us a precise location of Who We Are in this moment, and subtle directions on which way to take to act and think in oneness. But will we follow this inner compass? The choice is ours to make.
Viewing the world from the limited perspective of the body, we don’t know when, how, and why things happen. The ego cannot stand to judge our journey or another’s journey, for only the soul itself knows when it is right, when it is perfect. Good Timing is merely the seamless weaving of details into the fabric of the universe. Bad timing is only our perspective of the pattern, and is only transformed when we understand how it fits into the grander scheme of our journey. We are given challenges in our lives at precisely the right moment, no matter how inconvenient they seem. My journey has not led me into the perfect senior year, but rather towards the perfect state of being. Given the right, the right place, AND the right level of awareness, the path of life is perfect. Or, at least the timing is.
(Lauren is a Feature Editor of The Global Conversation. She lives in Wood Dale, IL, and can be reached at Lauren@TheGlobalConversation.com)
Part 2: Clockwatching 24/7
7:50. 8:51. 9:47. 10:43. 11:45. 1:15. 2:11. 3:07.
These may seem like arbitrary times, but for me, they hold a much deeper meaning. For these are the times that I always seem to be watching for, as they are the times my classes end. And if I’m not counting down the remaining hours of school, I am counting down the remaining days until Friday. Most high school students follow the exact same time-watching trend, but is it doing us a favor?
No matter it be in school, work, or anything else equally as monotonous, we all find ourselves constantly (consciously or unconsciously) clockwatching. We have become fixated on time itself – not because it is the unified pulse of the world, but rather it is something that needs to come to pass. The trend of clockwatching has not been a recent occurrence, but has served as a reminder of how very little time we are spending in the present moment. By choosing to be distracted by the hours upon the clock, our Old Cultural Story has us involved very passively in life. Instead of submersing ourselves in the present time, we wait and watch for it to be over. Virtually, the now moment has become so obscured by the distraction of future plans that we are fully disengaged.
Psychologists, scientists, and even economists have now begun to recognize the negative results of the disengaged passive role that clockwatching has brought about. In the workplace, there appears the growing trend of ‘presenteeism’, in which employees show up for work, but are so unfocused and disengaged on the task at hand that they become anti-productive. In the article by management author Daniel Sitter, “Presenteeism: The Hidden Cost of Business”, the disengaged worker has cost businesses an average of $250 billion per year. Simply due to ‘life distractions’, nearly 75% of the workforce is not engaged in their work or their career. Literally, presenteeism suggests though we are being physically present, we are not being emotionally present or being spiritually present. In this state, we are absent from the present moment. If in business or if in life, we are losing out, and losing time.
So, can we be present in the present moment? We can, if we decide to engage ourselves – in our tasks and in life itself. One of the largest engagement campaigns occurring today is actually occurring at the high school level. The University of Indiana’s 2010 High School Survey of Student Engagement (HSSSE) found that nearly that nearly 82% of students wish to be more creative in the classroom, and that over 65% of students prefer “discussions with no clear answer”. Hmmm, students want to be challenged, want to expand their consciousness, and want to spend their time in school discovering (not being told) about Who They Are and What Is their World. We don’t desire to always clockwatch, but without the creative presence, interest starts to wane. High School students want to be engaged, we just need the environment where our engagement can thrive. If we choose to be a creative force, in the classroom or elsewhere, we can be far more than just the sum of our parts.
In a single day, there are approximately 86,400 seconds. That means that there are 86,400 times in a day to enjoy life – instead of watching it pass by. Will you be passive, will you wait and watch? Or, will you engage, and create a reason for life in every single second? Make your choice. Time’s ticking.
(Lauren is a Feature Editor of The Global Conversation. She lives in Wood Dale, IL, and can be reached at Lauren@TheGlobalConversation.com)
Part 1: Straight or Something More?
As a teenager, there are many things in life that are very, very perplexing. Though responsibility, relationships, and identity are among some of the most confusing, the greatest conundrum for teens by far is the concept of time. Whether it be managing our time or passing our time, our entire understanding of “time” is very, very hazy.
In our cultural lexicon, we have many expressions to describe our usage of time that seem quite contradictory. We have to use our time wisely, so that we don’t run out of time later. If we are bored we are killing time, yet if we are in a rush we are running out of time. And if we are truly unbothered by anything else in the world, we are taking our time. With such different ideas on time, its usage, and its meaning, it’s no wonder that time remains one of the most baffling concepts for teens and adults to grasp today. As this concept continues to puzzle even myself, it is truly time to create a series to clarify a few things about what time is, how it works, and what we still don’t understand.
So, what exactly is time? The friend? The enemy? The frenemy? Or anything at all?
Throughout the ages, science, religion, and philosophy have attempted numerous explanations of time. In our Western society, the most prevalent time theory is ‘linear perspective’. Based upon Isaac Newton’s theory of time as absolute, time is perceived as a point upon a straight line that moves only in a single direction. The concept of past, present, and future finds its roots in this ‘timeline’ movement, as the past and future are everything that is not directly that singular moment. Consequently, this has driven our society to be ‘time-centric’, and to live the philosophy of “live by the clock, die by the clock”.
So, despite our complex developments and achievements, our concept of time remains quite archaic. Simply, there must be more to this puzzle, or more gears in this clockwork. And there is. The man to prove this was none other than Albert Einstein. During his work with the Theory of Relativity, Einstein found out that time itself is relative, and not absolute. Within his findings, the perception of time was based upon the spatial reference frame of the observer (position), the speed that they are traveling, and oddly, time itself. From this concept, Einstein discovered that it is possible to have two people who are going different speeds to experience time as either going faster or slower, even though the same amount of time had passed. By understanding that space, motion, and time are all variables, an entirely new dimension had to be created, called the Space-Time Continuum. In this dimension, perspective influences time, and changes in perception lead to changes in time. Basically, with the concept of the fourth dimension, Einstein discovered that the past, the present, and the future all exist simultaneously. He even stated, “…for us physicists believe the separation between past, present, and future is only an illusion, although a convincing one.” Wow.
With this development, overlap is occurring with science and spirituality. As the New Age view of time is of the Ultimate Now, the existence of past, present, and future as one is becoming more and more recognized. As we acknowledge time being used simply as another perspective to understand our journey, it simply becomes a means of comparison. To understand Who We Are, we have to know Who We Were to have a vision of Who We Want to Be. Yet, at the same time, we know that we are all of these things at once. As Albert Einstein concluded, “The only reason for time is so that everything doesn’t happen at once.” Truly, time is one of the universe’s finest dichotomies.
Simply, our perspective of time must go beyond ‘the straight and narrow’. Though it may challenge every prior concept you have held about time, ponder over this different perspective. Trust me, it will be worth your time.
(Lauren is a Feature Editor of The Global Conversation. She lives in Wood Dale, IL, and can be reached at Lauren@TheGlobalConversation.com)
As teens, we seem to be pretty contradictory. We want independence, yet we need support. We are engrossed in each other’s lives, yet we are self-absorbed. We create drama, yet desire inner peace. We cry to show great sadness, yet we also cry in great happiness. We want to reach the destination, yet we don’t feel any better off when we get there. We are continuously changing the very definition of who we are, yet we keep a very steady personality. My list stops here, but life’s list goes on and on and on.
These conundrums provide very little stable ground for most of us teenagers, and often leave many teens with more questions than answers. What’s the meaning behind all of this? Does this make us hypocritical? Is there even such a thing as truth?
It simply means that we, as spiritual beings, recognize that black and white exist simultaneously rather than separately. We recognize that our contradictions, in whatever role they play in life, are a part of our grand dichotomy. In a January 25, 2013 blog post, Neale described such people who recognize their own dichotomies as “people who embrace the notion that two apparently opposing “truths” can exist simultaneously in the same space. They call this a ‘Divine Dichotomy.’ Dichotomists do not see things in Black and White, but in shades of both. They do not see polar opposites, but a continuum. Where others see a straight line with each end representing This or That, they see a circle where This and That is neither here nor there.” Instead of continuing to live in a dualistic and monochromatic society, we strive to understand that the ‘bigger picture’ is a bit more colorful.
Popular singer and spiritual songwriter Jason Mraz wrote about these contradictions in the song, “Life is Wonderful”. A mere few excerpt verses underline the real message of dichotomies:
It takes a night to make it dawn
And it takes a day to make you yawn, brother
And it takes some old to make you young
It takes some cold to know the sun
It takes the one to have the other
And it takes no time to fall in love
But it takes you years to know what love is
And it takes some fears to make you trust
It takes those tears to make it rust
It takes the dust to have it polished, yeah
It is so meaningful
It is so wonderful
It is so meaningful
It goes full circle
Instead of disregarding our contradictions, we should EMBRACE them. Further, we should LIVE and LOVE them. As Mraz penned, our non-dualism is what makes life meaningful and wonderful. Knowing that we can live multiple truths, instead of a single steadfast path, may be the most reassuring guidance for a teenager anyone can give. Understanding that we don’t have to choose one label is another page in our New Cultural Story. Don’t just be a Rebel or a Conformer, a Republican or a Democrat, a Fundamentalist or an Extremist, but be more than that single version. People are simply not one-dimensional beings, but rather, multi-dimensional. As a single truth simply cannot capture the entire essence of their being or experiences, we create an even broader definition of Who We Are.
So yes, you can be detached from the outcomes and the reactions, yet still share the same warmth and empathy with your fellow spiritual beings. Yes, you can experience gain, yet still give more than you ever thought possible. And yes, you can be on your spiritual path, yet still be interwoven in the grand design of the universe. Living out your truths, no matter how contradictory, is the only thing that matters. Life is wonderful, after all.
(Lauren is a Feature Editor of The Global Conversation. She lives in Wood Dale, IL, and can be reached at Lauren@TheGlobalConversation.com)
Whether we have bought our cards or not, St. Valentine’s Day is here once again. If you’re on your second date or second year, this day seems more often than not an exercise in anxiety. To impress our significant other, a wide array of rituals must be followed without fault. This usually requires an intensive pilgrimage to the florist, the grocer, and of course, Hallmark. We may be creating the ‘perfect’ date, but are we really creating the ‘perfect’ state of love?
On most days, but especially February 14, we attempt to do everything perfectly for our spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend. But, in doing so, we often forget to give the only gift that matters. Unconditional love, for your partner, for your community, for yourself, is the gift that is given directly to the soul. In a day that is dedicated to be a celebration of love, there is nothing we need to do but express that love for everything and everyone. Love people for who they are, instead of what they have done (or rather, what they have not done). Let it show, and let it be known unconditionally.
With Valentine’s Day, unconditional love is at the origin of the holiday itself. According to popular legend, St. Valentine was a priest in Rome under the reign of Emperor Claudius II. To enlist more soldiers into the Roman army, Claudius II banned marriages from occurring in the empire as to remove the emotional attachment of husbands leaving their wives for war. However, St. Valentine continued to hold marriages in secret, and then became a martyr for his cause. As St. Valentine’s love of love was truly unconditional, he had no fear even in the face of death itself. By loving without condition, without concern, the world is truly made a lovelier place to be.
So yes, the cardboard cherubs and the sugar hearts are a nice, but unnecessary, addition. What makes Valentine’s Day more than just a commercialized holiday is our choice to express our love in a form that doesn’t come with a warranty or the hopes of a return offer. Simply loving unconditionally will bring more love, light, and life into your relationship than any Hallmark card will. It is the gold crown of the soul.
(Lauren is a Feature Editor of The Global Conversation. She lives in Wood Dale, IL, and can be reached at Lauren@TheGlobalConversation.com)
In high school, I have been called plenty of names. Critical, controversial, outspoken, eccentric, just to name a few. But recently, there has been one name that has stood out from the rest. Last week, I was called “that self-centered bitch”. Though I was hardly surprised, this one was definitely a bit unnerving. Being a writer on spirituality, having that title was certainly NOT in my grandest vision of the greatest vision of myself. But after some careful contemplation, I realized that there is more truth to it than I thought.
So, yes, I confess. I am self-centered. But is this really so bad?
No. There is absolutely no problem with being self-centered. When we are self-centered, we are literally centered (or in other terms, grounded) in our Sense of Self. By introspecting everything we chose to be, chose to do, and chose to have, we create a very strong definition of Who We Are. In essence, being centered in the self is merely living and thinking in the most elevated idea of our highest thought. By continuously living in our highest understanding of self-respect, self-esteem, and self-actualization, we have faith in ourselves. Through this internal trust, we have the confidence in our ability to enjoy life as a creative experience. Who doesn’t desire this?
Furthermore, being self-centered is exactly what we should be in high school. During our teenage years, our sense of identity is truly in the greatest fluctuation. As we journey to figure out for ourselves just Who We Really Are, we join clubs, groups, and cliques to create some type of name for ourselves. One of the greatest pitfalls among teens today is letting their new social group control their definition of their identity. And as teens become dependent on outside groups to define who they are, they lose sight of their own story – of their purpose and their potential. If these teens are not self-centered, then they let these external forces shape their names, their decisions, and their history. Everyone is familiar with the story of “the good kid” who hung around “the wrong people” and then became “the bad kid” (in the most subjective sense, that is). Whether it be through the influence of drugs, alcohol, or peer pressure, looking for our identity solely in an outside group can lead to some truly destructive results.
If we teenagers decide to be self-centered, we already have our identity grounded on the strong base of our Innermost Beliefs. In this sense, we see external events, titles, and labels as an augmentation of Who We Are, instead of The Only Thing We Are. With such a sturdy foundation in ourselves, everything else is merely building upon ourselves.
However, there is a fine line between being self-centered and being self-fixated. As being self-centered is thinking the highest possible thoughts about ourselves, being self-fixated is not realizing that there is anything beyond or above that. As teens become self-fixated, egotism begins to rise and dominate the personality factor. When we are self-centered, we can still look out into the universe and know we still have far to go on our journey. When we are self-fixated, we simply cannot get past that, seeing nothing more and nothing less.
So go on and say that I am self-centered. I’ll take it as a compliment to my spiritual evolution. And you should too.
(Lauren is a Feature Editor of The Global Conversation. She lives in Wood Dale, IL, and can be reached at Lauren@TheGlobalConversation.com)
This Sunday, millions of people across the nation will come together to experience a single event: The Super Bowl. While this year’s edition will set the Baltimore Ravens against the San Francisco 49ers, it will also set two brothers, Jim Harbaugh and John Harbaugh, against each other as head coach. As countless football fans eagerly await kickoff, they cannot wait to determine which Harbaugh brother will come out on top, and more importantly, which will fall flat on his face. Generating millions of hours and dollars of investment, Super Bowl XLVII will have all eyes fixated on its victor and its loser.
No matter it be the Grand Championship of football or just an intermural game of soccer, we have become obsessed with the idea of the exaltation of winning and the humiliation of defeat. As victory is held in such high esteem, losing is considered to be the epitome of personal failure. As dishonor, failure, and losing are becoming synonymous in our culture, we begin to avoid failure at all costs. But why do we consider failure to be such a terrible experience?
The main source of failure as foul goes back to our experiences in an earlier time. In school, we are constantly reinforced that if we fail, we cannot move on. If we pass, we get to go to the next level. However, this couldn’t be farther from the truth. Life is NOT a classroom. From this perspective, many people believe the entire purpose of life is to get through it by ‘just passing’. Is getting a D in life really considered to be an achievement? Don’t we owe it to ourselves, on a spiritual, mental, and emotional level to do better? I think so.
Failure represents our greatest opportunity to move forward. As failure is only determined by our own personal self-dissatisfaction, we can change our subjective experience of failure itself. In life, we are not given just one opportunity, but an infinite amount of opportunities to learn about what we think, what we do, and what we are. When we lose, we are given the incredible opportunity to objectively observe, understand, and experience the results of our previous thoughts, beliefs, and actions. As in the Core Concepts, “There is no Such Thing as Right or Wrong. There is only What Works, and What Does Not Work, given what it is that you are trying to do.” Through our ‘failures’ to produce the outcome we desired, our ‘losses’ can directly show us what we need to change in our lives to manifest these outcomes. As we evaluate our own personal failures, we easily perceive What Does Not Work in our performance, our behavior, and our belief. By understanding the effect of our current erroneous beliefs, we can decide to change these beliefs. All we need to do is to consciously apply this new sense of self that will create What Works. When we apply this towards ALL our perceived failures in life, we do truly win.
As even the football giant, Coach Vince Lombardi, once said, “The price of success is hard work, dedication to the job at hand, and the determination that whether we win or lose, we have applied ourselves best to the task at hand.” Certainly, our own personal successes, whether it be in the spiritual field or the football field, are driven by our ability to continuously redefine the very definition of Who We Truly Are. If we apply ourselves, our highest selves, to every situation and every scenario, victory, or rather, personal growth and accomplishment, occurs at every level and every plane. So in regards to the Super Bowl XLVII, one Harbaugh will experience his failure. But, he will also be able to experience what he can change to redefine his team and himself for victory in years to come. And that is truly more valuable than any Super Bowl Ring.
(Lauren is a Feature Editor of The Global Conversation. She lives in Wood Dale, IL, and can be reached at Lauren@TheGlobalConversation.com)
“I can’t stop thinking about him. He’s just so….dreamy. His eyes, his hair, his smile, all completely flawless. And his personality…I never thought people could be as amazing as he is. He’s so funny, and so clever. He has to be the nicest person I’ve ever met and probably will ever meet. He’s perfect in every possible way. If only I could go out with him…then my life would be totally complete.”
If this has ever represented YOUR thought pattern, then you’re definitely not alone. I cannot even begin to count the number of friends, movies, and songs I have heard sending the EXACT the same message. Whether it be from Taylor Swift or Radiohead, fixating on the impeccable guy or the incomparable girl is certainly not a foreign concept to teenagers. When we seem to find this supposed ‘perfect guy’ or ‘perfect girl’, all we seem to be able to do is think of just how perfect they are. Every waking moment becomes filled with thoughts of them. Or is it?
Many people who feel these thoughts and anxieties simply call them the side effects of being Love Drunk or Love Sick. As fixation is the most common symptom, we wonder whether we spend more time thinking of the person or about the person. Is there a difference, and if there is, does it mean anything at all?
After some deep introspection, we realize that we more often seem to fall in love with the concepts of people rather than with people themselves. When our minds are filled with the thoughts of the other person, we are thinking more of how they seem to ‘complete our lives’. When thinking only about the concept of a person, love turns into an addiction – one not powered by love, but by obsession. We are obsessing over what we think we don’t have, and how we think that this other incredible person will bring it into our lives. The obsessive part of both crushes and intimate relationships both arise from the same basic concept: He/She is perfect, I’m not perfect, He/She will make my life perfect.
Whenever we think “You complete my life” or even “I can’t live without her/him”, we know it is hardly the truth. Chances are, you’ve been living a pretty full 13, 15, or 18 years of your life already. But before we even look out into the world, we must first have a very, very solid foundation in our inner world. The majority of the “love drunk” relationships we enter are based more on our personal deficiencies, rather than our desire to share our highest experience and understanding of Who We Are. In order to have a relationship that is truly the dual expression of love, we must sober up our own sense of self.
Instead of placing the title and expectation of ‘perfection’ on another, we can be our own source of personal fulfillment. Though we seem to neglect this fact, we know that there is not anything we lack in our lives. Let me repeat that, there is not anything we lack in our lives. We only believe in this lack because we see ourselves as separate from it. Whether it be generosity, kindness, or compassion, know that you can manifest it in your own life without any outside help to do it for you. By knowing that you are a source of love, a source of joy, a source of compassion, you become your own fulfillment of your emotional desires.
When you develop these desired attributes within yourself, you don’t need to find them in others. By NOT setting that expectation on your (both imagined and actual) significant other, you can see who They Really Are. Enjoying them for Who They Are, rather than for What They Will Add To Your Life, is what makes a real relationship. So instead of being Love Drunk or Love Sick, let go of the obsession and let yourself enjoy their presence. Trust me, it’s far more fulfilling.
(Lauren is a Feature Editor of The Global Conversation. She lives in Wood Dale, IL, and can be reached at Lauren@TheGlobalConversation.com)
