January, 2013
Soft addictions are patterns of behavior we develop as coping mechanisms. These so-called addictions are considered endogenous in the treatment community. What this means is that the end result of the behavior is an internal release of reward chemicals in the brain.
Human beings are all reward driven. Some of us like the reward of excitement, that feeling of being “on top of the world,” and there are others who seek to feel more repressed or subdued. Regardless of which you are, you would not choose to continue to live if you could not experience an emotional reward.
Truly depressed people will share that their life is dark and empty, with no meaning. These people are experiencing a life with little or no reward; and many who are truly in this place choose to end their lives. It has been said that no normally functioning person could imagine what the person whose brain chemistry lacking in reward chemicals experiences.
These naturally occurring chemicals are either dopamine or serotonin, and they control our moods. When we have extra dopamine flowing, we are considered “high” or excited. When we inhibit our serotonin levels, we are mellow or maybe even depressed. Just for the sake comparison, cocaine is considered to be a dopaminergic drug; it increases the amount of dopamine in the synapses of the brain, giving us the reward of a high. Alcohol is considered gabainergic, which is a depressant. Alcohol acts to lower serotonin levels throughout the body.
When we find a particular behavior that seems to work to bring the desired result, some of us become dependent on them. When this dependency stops us from maturing and developing other coping mechanisms, that addiction takes place. The difficulty in diagnosis is that most of the so-called “soft” addictions are common behaviors that, much like drugs and alcohol, if consumed correctly and with moderation, are very normal human actions. What defines them as addictions is also the same as with drugs: “repeated usage in spite of negative consequences.” You will see this phrase used in this column often.
When you lose multiple jobs from being tardy or absent, you may want to see if you are continuing unhelpful behaviors in spite of negative consequences.
If you find your partners, whether they be spouse or other, continue to leave you, citing your behavior, it may be time to see if you have been repeating behaviors that bring negative consequences.
Do you know all the first names of the police officers in your town because they have all given you tickets? This is continued dangerous driving in spite of negative consequences. And just to let you know, when a normal driver, one who is not seeking brain-reward chemicals from speeding or running red lights, gets a ticket, they take the blame for it and see to it that it never happens again. Okay, I’ll admit, I needed to hear that and see it in writing as well! My own son termed me a “habitual traffic offender.” Nothing like the innocence of a young one to help break down your denial!
Do your friends not want to hang out with you anymore because you argue all the time? Have you ever admitted to being wrong about something? Have you admitted you were wrong just to win another argument and be proven right again? Has anyone ever called you “Mr. or Mrs. Right,” first name “Always”? The addiction to being right could be one of the most damaging behavioral defects in our society. The effects are very clear to all but those who are smitten by this very divisive, anti-social, ego-driven compulsion.
These are just a few of the soft addictions that plague humanity and keep us from experiencing our full potential as Triune Beings. The willingness to look at ourselves and do a simple inventory of our lives and experiences we have had can unlock the door to the freedom and joy that we all say we wish to experience. The world outside of us does not need to change for this to happen, and we would do well to stop waiting for the world to change before we do.
Recovery is a personal journey that starts when we turn our focus inward and confront the reality which is our lives to date. Every act is an act of self-definition, meaning everything we have said or done is who we are. The hardest thing to do is give ourselves an honest and open appraisal. The help of another person on the same journey is extremely important for us to arrive at our own truth.
Denial is the biggest obstacle to recovery. When we continuously place the blame of negative experiences outside of ourselves, we are in a reactive pattern. Keep this in mind: When you have one finger pointing at someone or something other than yourself, you have three fingers pointing back at you.
(Kevin McCormack is a Conversations with God Life Coach, a Spiritual helper on www.changingchange.net, and an Addictions recovery advisor. You can visit his website for more information at www.Kevin-Spiritualmentor.com To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@theglobalconversation.com)
A good friend of mine is going through some major changes in her life – angry separation from family, decrease in career/income, and her gentleman friend called and told her he’d found someone new.
She’s in a panic and turning to me and another good friend for support. I offered her the WECCE book, which she started to read and then put down. At this time she’s in no mood to hear that these changes may be for her own good and/or that she created them.
I want to support her, but am unsure what to say to her or do for her. I cannot in honesty say “poor dear”, because I DO believe WECCE (it’s worked in my life many times). I can agree with her that it’s a frightening and sad time for her, but she’s not ready to hear that the choice not to be frightened and sad has to come from within herself.
I’ve told her that I know (from experience) that there’s really nothing I can say to make her feel better, that’s a decision she must make for herself. But that I will support her totally in her choices to create the life she really wants, and that I love her.
At one point in WECCE Neil says to stay with a feeling until it no longer serves you. Maybe that’s what she’s doing – staying with the saddness, anger and fear until it no longer serves? Then when she asks for help, what does a friend say?
Thanks, K
Dear K,
You have given her the book, and when/if it is time for her to read it, she will. How lucky she is to have a friend like you who cares enough to not just talk, but to give tools!
There is nothing wrong, by the way, with saying, “poor dear” to her at this point in her changes, K. This human experience is all too real and all too painful, more so for some than others. Saying “poor dear” now, does not mean that you must continue to do so, which would, of course, be enabling her to not even consider changing her mind about what is going on. So, yes, for now she must experience sadness, anger and fear until it no longer serves her…but, of course, everything does eventually serve.
The mistake that your friend may be making, regarding the “she created them” statements in the book, is forgetting that we are co-creators…and even then we are co-creating on a Soul level, and for a Soul purpose! We most often have no direct control over the total picture, because we are rarely alone in that picture! However, and this is the big “however”, we do have control over our own reactions to the events of our lives. The big lie, if you will, is that we can not consciously control who we are, in any given situation. WECCE, as you know, gives us tools on how to do just that. It gives us tools to overcome past data and become conscious co-creators and not victims. The biggest example I give is Nelson Mandella. He was in prison for many years, unjustly, and yet he knew that this was just his external circumstance, and that it had nothing to do with who he really is. The same can be said of Jesus, or Ghandi, and many others. There were surely people in that same prison with Mandella, imprisoned falsely, who thought of themselves as victims. The two thieves on the cross with Jesus…one found gratitude and love, the other stayed in victimhood. They each made a choice.
You might consider, when you are around your friend, and she is negative and in victim mode, asking her gentle questions and gently pointing out different ways of looking at things. For instance, when she points out how horrible her boyfriend is, you might ask her if it isn’t a good thing that he isn’t lying to her any more so she can move on with her life in truth…or if it isn’t a good thing that she isn’t taking any more risk of disease. I am sure you get where I am going. There is always a positive side, if one is willing to change their mind.
Of course, if the negativity continues, it may come to the point you refer to above, and you simply have to say, “I can see that you are hurting, but I can also see that none of the things that I have said mean anything to you right now. I would like you to find the help and support you require, but it is clearly not coming from me right now. I love you, and will be here when you think I can really be of help to you, but I can’t just sit here and let you live in misery and enable you to do so.”
I would encourage you to encourage her to look at what fear (panic) is doing to her, and see that it doesn’t really serve her in the way she might think it is serving her. Those are emotions that only cause us to stay in place, whilst looking backward with longing…but she can change her mind about her future!
Thank you for coming here, and thank you for being a good friend, K!
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net, which offers spiritual assistance from a team of Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less, and offers insight, suggestions, and companionship during moments of unbidden, unexpected, unwelcome change on the journey of life. She may be contacted at Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
I have come across a wonderfully insightful and enlightening book written by Rev. Sandra Daly that I am so excited to share with our readers. Not only does this book contain some extraordinary spiritual tools to use and apply in your life, but this generous and gifted author is offering her book absolutely free on her website.
From Rev. Sandra Daly’s website:
“I am feeling guided to – rather than publishing Successfully MidAir as a book for sale – post the entire work here as an open-handed offering to you. This book contains AND expresses my Heart, and it is my privilege to present it here to you, for you. Thank you, and enjoy!”
And that is exactly what she has done.
The third in a series of books written by Sandra, she shares her own personal journey and transformation as a demonstration of how to transition once and for all out of “victimhood” into personal power and self-realization and begin changing your life “from the inside out.” Sandra uses her own challenges and setbacks and her own triumphs and breakthroughs to encourage others who find themselves suspended in “midair,” searching for a place to land.
Whatever “midair” situation you may find yourself struggling with right now, the tools in this book will help you navigate through whatever you are experiencing with more ease and more joy in your life. Explore more deeply what the purpose of your life is and learn how to live within that purpose consciously. Finally live the life you desire by letting go of beliefs that no longer serve you. Prepare to move forward with a renewed sense of freedom and clarity by “managing the turbulence” along the way. And arrive at your chosen destination with grace and appreciation for all the goodness that accompanies landing “Successfully Midair.”
Are you ready to take that “leap of faith and land in the life you want”?
Successfully MidAir: How to Navigate Your Leap of Faith and Land in the Life You Want can be read in its entirety on Rev. Sandra Daly’s website by clicking HERE.
(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team atwww.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If there is a book, movie, music CD, etc. that you would like to recommend to our worldwide audience, please submit it to our Managing Editor, Lisa McCormack, for possible publication in this space. Not all submissions can be published, due to the number of submissions and sometimes because of other content considerations, but all are encouraged. Send submissions to Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com. Please label the topic: “Review”)
We think that the late George Carlin, a wonderful comedian who comedy so often carried deep social messages, put it perfectly when he wrote, near the end of his life…
The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways,but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life. We’ve added years to life not life to years. We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We’ve done larger things, but not better things.
We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We’ve conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete…
Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.
Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.
Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn’t cost a cent.
Remember, to say, ‘I love you’ to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.
Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.
Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
If you don’t send this to at least 8 people….Who cares?
George Carlin
Have you ever seen anyone die, right in front of your face? If so, what was your experience of that?
If your life is collapsing right now, if you’re in the midst of a calamity, if a catastrophe has occurred, what you’re going to find here could save your life. I mean, emotionally. But heck, you know what? Maybe even physically.
Here, in our next installment, you will be given Nine Changes That Could Change Everything. This little list will alter all that appears in your reality. Unless it does not. The choice will be yours. But it is a list that you may at least want to read. You may at least want to find out what it’s all about.
I hope that you will make these Nine Changes as quickly as possible. Not just because the changes in life that you are experiencing (that we all are experiencing) are not going to stop, but also because the pace of change is only going to increase.
Someone noted a few years ago that it was possible for my great-grandfather to live an entire lifetime without having anything come along that seriously challenged his world view, because very little happened that he heard about that altered his understanding of how things were.
My grandfather had a different experience. He was able to live 30 or 40 years, but not much longer, before some new piece of information was unveiled that seriously confronted his notion of the world. Perhaps half a dozen times during his life such a major event or development occurred that he heard about.
In my father’s day that window of change dropped to only 15 or 20 years. That’s about as long as my dad could hold onto his ideas about life and how it works and what is true about everything. Sooner or later something would happen to disrupt his whole mental construction and require him to alter his thoughts and concepts.
In my own life span that time has been reduced to just 5 to 8 years.
In the lifetime of my children it will be reduced to something like 2 years—and possibly less. And in the lifetime of their children it could be reduced to 30 or 40 weeks.
This is no exaggeration. You can see the trend. Social scientists say that the rate of change is increasing exponentially. In the time of my great-grandchildren the period of time between changes will be reduced to days. And then, perhaps even hours.
In truth, we are already there—and have always been there. For in actuality, nothing has ever remained the same for even a moment. Everything is in motion, and if we define change as the altering of configurations, we see that change is the natural order of things. So we’ve been living in a constant swirl of change from the beginning.
What is different now is the amount of time that it takes for us to notice the changes that are always occurring. Our ability to communicate globally about everything within seconds is what has changed the way we experience change. The speed of our communications is catching up with the speed of our alterations. This condition in itself sponsors an increase in the rate of change.
Today our languages and expressions change overnight, our customs and styles change by the season, our beliefs and understandings and even some of our most deeply held convictions change not with, but within, each generation.
Because change is happening all around us and within us so rapidly, what is need now is a guidebook, an “operator’s manual” for human beings facing dramatically shifting life realities. That is what the columns here in the days and weeks ahead will provide. We will be publishing here a much needed explanation of the mental and spiritual basis of change—and specific instructions on how to use mental and spiritual tools to change the way change changes you.
What the Nine Changes empower us to do is not stop change (I hope I’ve already made the point that this is impossible) or even slow the rate of change, but rather, make a quantum leap in our approach to change, in our ways of dealing with it—and in our ways of creating it.
One final word. The ideas here are based in ancient wisdom, modern science, everyday psychology, practical metaphysics, and contemporary spirituality. The invitation here presumes that Divinity exists, that life has a purpose, that human beings have a soul, that our body is something we have and not something we are, and that the mind is under our control at all times.
A rejection of any one of these notions removes the underpinning from much of what is going to be shared here.
This series of articles comes at just the right time for me. As you know from my last entry here, one of my best friends in the world, the administrator of the Conversations with God Foundation, celebrated her Continuation Day on January 4. This shift in her Life Expression was rapid and unexpected by all of us. Patty joined us for the first two days of our annual year-end spiritual renewal retreat and seemed just fine. She had been challenged by cancer for the past two years or so, but she seemed to be getting the better of it; she seemed on top of it, and moving forward.
A week later she had returned Home. I am so happy for her, but those of us here at the Foundation are dealing with Change in a Big Time Way. So you can see how and why this particular series of articles is timed perfectly, and is going to help all of us. God bless you, Patty. See you on the other side!
(Editor’s Note: The above article, and the series which is continuing in this space, includes liberal portions of the CWG book When Everything Change, Change Everything, with additional observation and reflections from the author. Your commentary and input, as well as a description of your own personal experience, is invited below.)
People in every corner of the planet have begun a wide-ranging discussion that could have a real impact on their individual lives — and, indeed, on the life of the entire world — if they choose to let it.
That discussion revolves around a central question that focuses on the major issue of our time: What is the state of humanity’s spirituality? Is the portion of our sense of who and what we are that transcends physicality alive and healthy, vibrant, awake, and aware? Or is it dormant, inert, quiescent, barely alive within us?
That question was asked here, in this space on the Internet, in the first installment of a series of articles on the subject. If the response here, judging by the entries in the Comment Section, is any measure, many people are engaged in their spiritual experience, but some are not sure what spirituality is seeking to tell us, and others do not seem clear about how it can be used to change the world.
Then there are those who are very clear about both.
So the question of this second installment of our series is: what group do you fall into? And…does it matter?
The answer to the second question is yes. All change that occurs in people’s lives, and in the world at large, emerges from the deepest beliefs that drive the experience of human beings — and “beliefs” is just another word for “spirituality.”
The real question before humanity moving into 2013, then, becomes the critical question of all time: What are we going to believe?
With regard to God, with regard to Life and what it is and how it was designed to work and why it even exists…What are we going to believe?
This article is Part II of an ongoing series:
LAYING THE GROUNDWORK FOR TOMORROW
With regard to ourselves, and who we are, and what we are to each other…What are we going to believe?
Perhaps even more important…What are we going to invite humanity to believe? And can we — do we even want to — play a role in that?
I very much would like to hear your comments on that. And let me tell you why I ask. The comment posted beneath the first installment in this series from a wonderful and courageous woman named Carol Bass made it very clear to me what work lies ahead.
I have called Carol Bass courageous because she had the bravery to speak her heart here in this space, and by doing so she opened a window for all of us into the heart of humanity itself…because I believe that the experience of Carol Bass is a very close reflection of the experience of hundreds of thousands, perhaps millions, of people.
So thank you, Carol, for coming here and so honestly sharing your innermost thoughts with us. I hope it is okay with you if I dialogue with you here in the next several installments, because you have given me a wonderful opportunity to address the most sincere concerns of so many human beings…
May we begin here? You opened your commentary, Carol, with this statement:
“I don’t think I have ever had such a unsettled feeling about the future of humanity. At my age to feel so much fear and uncertainty is not a good place to be.”
I agree with you, Carol, on the fear part. To feel so much fear is not a good place to be. For one thing, it creates fear in even greater degree. Fear creates fear, love creates love, joy creates joy, anger creates anger…Life creates Life in the process of Life Itself. Life is a process through which Life gives birth to itself. This is not something that is widely understood — and that is one reason that the world is the way it is today, and that people’s individual lives are the way they are.
When people are encountering particularly difficult times, and are doing so on a continuing, ongoing, seemingly never-ending basis, I always invite them to look closely at what they are saying about Life, and how they are thinking about it.
This goes for me, too, Carol. I am right in there with everyone else. I do the same thing we all do: I create my future out of my thoughts about the present, and even sometimes out of my sadnesses and concerns about the past.
For me, this is one of Life’s biggest challenges. I’ve got to get out of my past, then move cleanly through my present, so that my future can continue to bring me what I truly wish to experience.
I have asked God to help me with this, and She is doing so. Among other things, He inspired me to write a remarkable book called The Storm Before the Calm. I called it “remarkable” even though it is my own book, because in a very real sense it is not. Once again, I was merely following the inspirations of my Soul, which, in turn, is listening very carefully to the Source of Wisdom and Clarity that most of us call God. That Source told me in The Storm Before the Calm that we are undergoing right now what is called The Overhaul of Humanity — and that, Carol, it is nothing to be afraid of.
An “overhaul” is merely the disassembling of something, and then the rebuilding of it with many new parts, so that it can work better. When people do this with their cars they say they are “overhauling the engine.” There’s no fear involved. It is simply a process to improve the way the machinery is working.
That is what is going on across our planet right now, Carol, and so, there is nothing to be fearful about. And this will be especially true if we each play our role in the Overhaul. That is, we can stand on the sidelines and watch it happening — in which case we will surely wonder where and how it will all end up, and that certainly could cause some worry — or we can stand in the middle of it and be At Cause in the matter, in which case we will feel a much greater sense of confidence in the outcome, because we are determined to play a hand in creating it.
Do you see the difference in positionality here, Carol? One is a place of impotence (“We can do nothing to control our lives!”) and the other is a place of power (“I am the creator of my own reality.”) Wow, what a contrast!
It is true, in the classic sense, that we can do nothing to control what is going on around us (except to the degree that we collaborate actively in the collective creation). But we can do something about our reality — and that is the key to everything.
We do not create our collective outer reality unilaterally, and this is something we need to understand. But we do create our inner reality (which is the only True Reality) of the outer conditions and circumstances which we encounter every day.
(This is now being discussed in great detail in the “Interpreting Conversations with God” column of this newspaper, now focusing on the messages of the book, When Everything Changes, Change Everything.)
We can overhaul our own lives in the same way that humanity as a whole is overhauling its global experience, and this is the process in which I am deeply engaged right now. It is the process to which Conversations with God invited us. CWG told me, clearly, that the purpose of life is to recreate ourselves anew in the next grandest version of the greatest vision ever we held about Who We Are.
This is what we are doing now, Carol, individually and collectively — and perhaps more consciously and collaboratively than we ever have before. I have so much more to say on this subject, Carol, so I hope you will stay tuned here, and continue to join in the conversation.
Now, about the second half of your sentence, above, Carol…you said that “uncertainty” is not a good place to be. I respectfully and gently disagree, Carol…and I will tell you why in Part 3 of this series! I have to stop here for now, or this second installment will become encyclopedic in length!
Join me in this excursion, Carol, and I believe we can go together to a new place of peace, joy, comfort, and creation. And we can take many people along with us, yes?
Until next time…Love, Neale.
For me, the most challenging aspect of “being human” is the process of maturing into a relationship of reconciliation—with a Creator that seems to be, at its very essence, Love—but at the same time allows “bad things” to happen to “good people”.
The first time I was faced with this paradox was when I had just turned twelve, and it was the morning after my grandmother was killed in a horrible car accident. She was broadsided by another vehicle and was crushed, pinned in the car for hours before they were able to finally remove her and take her to the hospital. She died on the operating table, her heart finally giving out.
Meanwhile, I was back at her apartment waiting for her. She had gone to get me a sleeping bag because I didn’t have one, and my family was planning to meet up the next day at a beach house we had rented to celebrate my grandmother’s birthday. My parents had been on a short road trip with good friends but were on their way to the coast to reunite with us the next day; my brothers were away with their own friends and had planned on the same. Uncles and aunts were already at the beach house or making their way there that night and Grandma and I were to leave the next morning.
After a police officer came to my grandmother’s door to let me know there had been an accident, I left her apartment and walked the few blocks to where our own house was, moving as if in a dream as the late afternoon light turned to darkness. Not knowing what else to do, I sat on the stairwell near the living room with a bible under my hand and prayed to a faceless god: “Please. Please save Grandma.”
She was seventy-six; she worked out daily at the local gym, and went on walks with my mom, each morning appearing at the back door to our kitchen with her blue Cooper’s Landing coffee mug and a big, wide smile. She had a wonderful laugh that lit up any room, wore pantsuits and scarves and orangey-red lipstick and kept her hair a chestnut color, with soft waves. Whenever we came over for card playing, or football games or holiday dinners she would have her Ray Charles record playing as we entered the apartment and dishes of salted peanuts, potato chips, and onion dip. She was kind; she was good; she was everyone’s favorite relative. She came from strong Kentucky stock, and after raising her six brothers and sisters due to their parents dying young, she made her way across the United States to Alaska, where she met my grandfather, and where they homesteaded, and began their own little family.
“Please,” I pleaded. “Please, God, take a criminal, a rapist or a murderer. But don’t take Grandma.” I hadn’t yet had anyone this close to me die, and until then I believed that because we were “good” people, nothing “bad” would ever happen to us. Since then, of course, I have come to believe that every human being is Good, and hold very different ideas about “criminals, rapists; murderers”. But at twelve years old, I had no understanding yet of why people do what they do—of the unspeakable things that had perhaps been done to them—and in my innocence I supposed I also believed that each of my family members would live to be old and gray and slip away during a restful sleep and with a peaceful smile.
She died late that night and as I climbed into bed wailing, hot tears streaming down my cheeks, I was certain that I would never see my parents again either—sure that they would also suffer a car accident on their way back home now that I believed “god” could suddenly become absent and was nowhere to be found. To my disbelief, in the early hours of the morning, my parents appeared at my bedside and held me and we all cried together for a time, clear that life was precious, and grateful for what we still had.
It was the next day that I began my spiritual quest to make sense of what didn’t make sense to my heart, or to my mind. I no longer believed in any god. The god I thought I knew was kind, was gentle, and loved us. Whoever let this cruel event take place was no longer a god I cared to stay loyal to. Why couldn’t my grandma have died instantly? Was it really necessary that she lie semi-conscious, alone and in pain for hours, knowing that she would probably not survive, and that all of her family would be devastated? These are the questions that caused me to question everything.
As my search continued and as I matured I realized that the way my grandmother passed was her gift to me. She woke me at a young age from a certain, deep sleep that could have lasted easily through this lifetime and for many more. Now I believe that no person dies without their Soul’s knowledge of what gifts the circumstances of their passing will bring to their own evolution, and to the evolution of the Soul Family they travel with.
And if I believe that “god” is Love, then there is no way I can reject the countless ways that tragedy seems to open hearts long-closed or thickly armored; no way that I cannot observe how someone’s passing inspired growth where there was stagnation, and turned a barren ground into something fertile again, inviting Life to reinvent Itself…
Today, as I finish this article, we are grieving the swift, sudden passing of one of our beloved staff and friends who was with us all only a few days ago, celebrating the turning of the New Year. Without Patty Hammett, administrator of the Conversations with God Foundation, and her eighteen years of loyalty to the messages in the Conversations with God books, so much may never have been accessible for many, many thousands. And the caliber of the friendship she offered each of us was as close to angelic as one could hope to encounter with even one other human being in a lifetime.
Dying at the young age of 49, she leaves behind two sons, both still in their teens, and our hearts break open…
Last year I was given a book called The Book of Awakening, by Mark Nepo. It’s a book of days, each day of the year an offering and a sharing of what Mark has come to understand through two battles with cancer and myriad other challenging experiences. On the page of April 22nd he describes the aftermath of his first chemo treatment where he found himself near delirious on the floor of a Holiday Inn after twenty-four hours of being sick every twenty minutes. His wife, standing by in desperation and panic, called out, “Where is God?!” Mark says that from his pale, slumped form he answered: “Here. . . right here.”
On his website I find this poem:
It’s as if what is unbreakable—
the very pulse of life—waits for
everything else to be torn away,
and then in the bareness that
only silence and suffering and
great love can expose, it dares
to speak through us and to us.
It seems to say, if you want to last,
hold on to nothing. If you want
to know love, let in everything.
If you want to feel the presence
of everything, stop counting the
things that break along the way.
(Mark Nepo)
“It seems to say, if you want to last,
hold on to nothing. If you want
to know love, let in everything.
If you want to feel the presence
of everything, stop counting the
things that break along the way.”
– em claire
(To contact em, please write to her at: em@emclairepoet.com.)
Do you ever feel like parenting in the New Spirituality is a little bit like flapping in the wind? I mean, in Conversations with God, God threw out all the rules and told us how we can truly live! The new constructs can read more like feel-good, motivational phrases than concepts:
We are all one!
God talks to everyone, all the time!
There’s no such thing as right and wrong!
There’s nothing you have to!
It would be understandable if you sometimes felt a little lost and without direction in your parenting. Within these concepts, if you are ready to receive it, is a wealth of loving guidance on how to parent your children. Simply start with an open heart and a willingness to connect with God, and the knowledge will follow. That might even be how you came to this online newspaper, yes? God, the Universe, Life, The All, whatever name you give to your experience of that thing that defines That Which Is, facilitates everything you need. May I suggest a starting place, a custom from which you may wish to consider all of your parenting decisions? Consistency.
Consistency is a useful habit to adopt in all of your life. One of the Core Concepts of CwG says, “The Three Basic Principles of Life are Functionality, Adaptability, and Sustainability.” To simplify, the idea is that you assess your actions to see if they are “working” as a demonstration of who you envision yourself to be (functionality). If not, you adjust your actions to make them “work” (adaptability). Then you maintain your new course for as long as it continues to “work” for you (sustainability); always with an eye toward reassessing functionality — and starting the process over again and again. Even within this concept there is a beautiful consistency: By acknowledging that we can change our minds about something, and that we are constantly evolving, we have the ability to take action because of it.
Consistency in your parenting is hard to pin down. It can be as simple as choosing which words you will use or forgo in your household – good, bad, nice, love, hate, etc. — and sticking to it. It can involve your child’s behaviors. Do you expect certain behaviors in some situations and other behaviors in other situations without explanation? Does your child even know what to expect from you? It can involve the types of foods you bring in to your family and how you present them. Are foods treated differently at times? Are they sometimes readily available, sometimes special treats, sometimes rewards, and other times off-limits? How about interactions with others? Do your children see you speak one way to another person and a different way about the same person when he or she isn’t in the room?
Children get confused by mixed messages, but they are not necessarily confused by change; these are two different things. A mixed message is when your current actions and words do not agree; while change occurs when your prior and current/future actions are not the same. You can explain change in a way which would make sense to a child: “XYZ happened, so we changed course.” But it is harder to explain a mixed message: “I know I said let’s be nice to people, but I know you saw me be mean to another person.”
Children can even handle different expectations or requests based on different situations if they are explained ahead of time. For instance, most children quickly understand the concept of inside versus outside voices and would not use the same voice, routinely, in a restaurant that they do on the playground. So they begin to understand that there is some internal consistency to a type of situation and that there can be varied consistency across different types of situations. They can even begin to interpret those situations for themselves through your guidance and example.
One of your most important roles as a parent, if there is any to be had, is to help your child feel that their world is stable, that they can know what to expect and that their parent(s) are there for them. Consistency can be crucial, then, for children to be able to trust your words and actions so that they will know that you are truly there for them to buffer and help them interpret the world. Then your children will not feel like they are flapping in the wind.
(Emily A. Filmore is the Creative Co-Director of www.cwgforparents.com. She is also the author/illustrator of the “With My Child” Series of books about bonding with your child through everyday activities. Her books are available at www.withmychildseries.com. To contact Emily, please email her at Emily@cwgforparents.com.)
I am going through a bit of change looking for a job and being scared of my full potential. I just finished my degree in homeopathy and what I would like to do the most now is to practice and help people. First, however, I need to help myself. I need funds to start my clinic (insurance, association membership, place to practice, the list goes on). Fear of failure keeps me procrastinating and in a fearful place. I want to move out of it and I need help… Ava
Dear Ava… Thank you for reaching out. I can see why it would be very daunting to open a brand new clinic. That’s quite a laundry list of things to do to get started, and looks to be quite expensive! Let’s see, though, if we can address these other fears you’re having that are holding you back, because an acronym for FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real. And as one of our great American presidents, FDR, said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”
You say you are scared of your “full potential”, but is full potential anything to be afraid of? Our Soul’s basic desire is to express itself fully, in the grandest version of the greatest vision it ever held about itself. In other words, to reach its Highest Potential. If you really knew and understood the truth of Who You Are, Ava, an aspect of God with its same unlimited power to create anything you desire, I think fear would not be an issue for you.
And about that “fear of failure”: did you know that Conversations With God says there is no such thing as failure? Anything that looks like a failure is simply Life’s way of course-correcting. When something we’ve planned doesn’t go the way our Mind thinks it should, it can only be because our Soul has a higher plan for our growth, and this is nothing to be afraid of, my dear! The Mind’s information is so very limited, but the Soul knows all, and will never steer us wrong. We may experience disappointment over a perceived failure when it first happens, but given the benefit of time and hindsight, we will always see the blessing and growth it brought us.
Would it be possible for you to offer your homeopathy services in a clinic that has already been established, so you wouldn’t have to start one from scratch? Or could you start working part-time out of your home, or perhaps in an herbal or whole foods shop, or at a massage or chiropractic clinic? In other words, see if you can find a way to start your practice on a smaller basis. Since you just graduated, it will give you an opportunity to dip your toe in the water and make sure you really love this line of work before jumping in with both feet! I would think you’d need a little practice too, before starting a clinic.
Fear is just a distortion of the One Emotion – Love. What do you love so much you’re afraid of losing it? Please look deeply at your fears and ask yourself this all-important question about each one of them: IS IT TRUE?
(Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
