My boyfriend can’t forgive me and doesn’t trust me anymore

My boyfriend can’t forgive me because for the first year we dated I never invited him to my apartment. I was embarrassed because his apartment is so much nicer than mine, so I was always making excuses not to have him over. He thinks it was because I was unfaithful and living with another guy but nothing could be further from the truth. I’ve tried to explain it to him but he’s still holding it against me. I love him so much and miss the good times we had together. How can I regain his trust?… Mandy

Dear Mandy,

You’ve learned the hard way, I’m afraid, that relationships can’t prosper fully when one is intentionally withholding information from another. That said, if you’ve sincerely apologized and explained your reasons and he still won’t forgive you, it’s probably time you have a heart to heart talk and try to find out what’s really going on with him. Set an intention for clarity and honest, open, peaceful communication. Here are a few talking points that might help get you started:

The way I see it, and please correct me if I’m wrong, if you haven’t yet forgiven me, it must be for one of these three reasons:

1. Because I haven’t explained why I did what I did, well enough for you to understand. I’ll gladly try one more time if you want me to.

2. If I have explained it fully and you understand what I’m saying, but you choose not to believe me, there is nothing I can do about that.

3. If I have explained it fully and you understand what I’m saying and you do believe me, but you choose to hold and carry a grudge, there is nothing I can do about that, either. 

Are any of these scenarios true for you or are you using what I did as an excuse because you don’t have the courage to tell me that your feelings about me have changed? Or maybe you never really felt the same way about me that I feel about you?

CWG says there is nothing to forgive; there is only to understand. God fully understands the reasons behind everything we’ve ever done—what our fears were, what our thought processes were about that fear, and why it drove us to make that “mistake” (of course, there really are no mistakes in the Universe). That is why we need not ask forgiveness from God. Even before we ask it is already given.

Also, Mandy, we must always understand and forgive ourselves if we expect to receive understanding and forgiveness from others. This is how the Universe works at a metaphysical level—it reflects back our own thoughts about it. So perhaps the larger question is, Have you forgiven yourself?!

(Annie Sims is the Global Director of The Conversations With God School, is a CWG Life Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com.

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  • Buzz

    Trust and respect are earned. One way to earn trust is to place your trust in them. It may take time if trust has been tarnished or lost, to regain it. Be patient. Trust is like a flower. It grows slowly even under perfect conditions. If you neglect to give it fertilizer it will still grow, just slower. If you confront him you risk losing him. Create more situations and circumstances in your relationship that require you to trust him, make it clear you’re being trusting (“I trust your judgement INSERT NAME. How can I help”), and show gratitude toward him for his efforts in handling the situation. Also make it clear that his opinion is respected and valued AT ALL TIMES.

    What you want for yourself, give to another. – CwG

  • Erin/IAm

    Wise words, Annie! Deserves wise heed, Mandy…I wish you much wisdom.:)

    Good Journeys, Ladies!:)<3

  • Marko

    Annie, I just love your “talking points” example. This digging deeper gets more to the heart of unfinished unexpressed feelings. It can bring more completion & understanding.

    Thank you for bringing such wisdom to this site.

    Magical sun filled blessings,
    -Marko