I lost the resolve to follow my truth

I attended a spiritual retreat earlier this year. Afterward, I had all this strength and clarity and felt so strong! I made a decision to leave my husband, which is something I’ve wanted to do for a long time because the marriage was a mistake from the beginning. When I got home I told him, and it felt really good to start living my truth and moving my life in the right direction. But then I lost my resolve and let him talk me out of it, because trying to figure out all the details of a divorce seems overwhelming. I feel terrible because I really don’t want to be with him anymore. How can I get back on track and stay there?… Carly

Dear Carly,

It is said that the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. When making a big change in your life, don’t try to figure it all out at once. Just take it one step at a time, thanking God for guiding you every step of the way. Your feelings are your guidance and they come directly from God, via your Soul. God puts them there to guide you toward the most joyous life you can live, but the longer you continue to disregard the feelings that don’t feel good to you, the longer you postpone your joy.

You already followed the first two steps of Truth-telling: “Tell your truth about yourself to yourself” and “tell your truth about yourself to another”. Yet, you say you’ve wavered in your resolve to act on it. Is it still your truth that you want to leave your husband? Knowing that this is a major decision in your life, please, once again, do some deep Soul searching about it. Then if it is still your truth, you may need to repeat that to your husband, as lovingly and compassionately as you can. You might soften the blow by telling him that relationships don’t ever end—they only change form. Endings can be very hard, so sometimes it’s easier if we think of them as changes, not endings. “We’re changing the way we interact together…”

The way to stay on track is to stay in touch with your Soul, which knows all. You can’t figure this all out at the level of Mind, because the Mind’s information is so limited. However that works for you—prayer, meditation, yoga, walking in nature, chanting… whatever—make it a top priority every day. Better yet, make every waking moment a conversation with God. Learn to trust the wisdom of the Voice within you, knowing it is Divine Intelligence at work in your life. The more you follow that “still, small voice”, the happier you’ll be. And worry not about your husband, because he also has access to all the wisdom in the world. God is always with him too.

Last but not least, you might find this mantra helpful as you encounter challenges along the way:

“Thank you, God, for helping me remember that this problem has already been solved for me.”

(Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com

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  • Laura Pringle

    Carly,
    Making the decision to end your marriage, and following through with it– is a monumental thing, and is highly stressful, cathartic, and exhausting.

    Emotional dependency is strong, and it’s hard to follow through with something if the other party isn’t feeling the same way. It’s tough to leave a situation you are used to, and if you don’t have a strong support system to fall back on- in those times when you are feeling lonely or not-so-firm in your resolve, you may go back a few times.

    I went thru this in 2002, and I did it in the kindest, and most humane way I could. I paid for the divorce, and let him keep everything we jointly owned, save for some crappy furniture and my vehicle. I had faith and confidence that somehow, I would bounce back and the universe would provide for me, since I made such an effort to preserve the lifestyle he so coveted. (he was a very materialistic person, who valued his assets a LOT). It was bad timing- right after that, the economy tanked, and I was lucky to find a full-time job, let alone be able to procure myself a decent place to live!

    It’s taken a while… to become stable. Sometimes I gave up hope, I admit. My advice to you is this: Don’t be so consumed with guilt that you don’t take what is rightfully yours, or at least make sure you plan for the first year. Times are tough, and getting a divorce takes a terrible toll on your bank acct. Also, think about what’s best for both of you- if your heart isn’t in it, he deserves someone whose heart IS in it. He won’t clear that space for it to happen if you are around. BUT… if you have hastily stated your truth, but aren’t prepared to leave yet, DON’T. Just try to make arrangements so you can, and try not to be around him much- it will only confuse things.

    Lastly, try to remain loving. It’s way easier to magnify his “faults” and vilify him so you feel justified in making your decision, but it ain’t cool. It takes two to tango, and there’s two sides to each argument. No one has to be wrong. But you have to do what feels right to you. May you be blessed with strength and clarity as you navigate the times ahead!

    P.S. Although life was tough, and the experience quite trying, I am SO GLAD I did what I did, and he is now happily re-married, and we get along well for the sake of the kids.

  • Erin/IAm

    Oh, Carly…I sooo know your deal…ergo, why I see no sense in ‘legalizing’ relationships…Makes it verrry difficult to move within such confines & previously held notions of ownerships & comfort zones. And feelings…those blasted feelings…ones you can’t ignore, ones you don’t want to hurt, one’s that confuse the heck out of you…UGH! Right?:) It does get bananas sometimes, no doubt.

    However, Annie was right to show that you have already begun to express your truths…keep going with that! Finish the expressive agenda of truth-telling…You will be Amazed! I can promise this!

    My ‘out’ came when I finalized my expression to the Universe…I stood on my deck & shouted (literally) with arms wide open, “Do not waste me like this!” I was so verrry frustrated, but felt such weight-relief just in that action…I slept with resolved peace that night, too.

    Girl, the very next morning…the very first phone call…a friend was asking if I would be interested in becoming an inn-keeper for a B&B not too far away. I was blown away! Never did such a thing! But who was I to question the answer to my call-out the eve before?

    I met with the owner that afternoon, there was no problem with bringing my then 6 yo. daughter…my boys were old enough & working well with my then hubby, so no worries there…I packed me & our Little up, declared my plans that same day, and we were picked up the next morning & onto a whole new journey we went.

    The whole event happened too quickly & too definitely to have others’ feelings get in the way…the change came so suddenly, and although I did not want to leave my boys, I needed to change the partnership…feelings & ‘stuff’ to be sorted later…and they were, just fine.

    That, my Dear, was 10 years ago (my how time flies!). And today, I Am present with both my boys, & soon to be 16 yo. daughter…and my, how We have grown! Their Dad is still a partner, of sorts…just not under the same roof…and this is perfect.

    btw…This was not ‘easy’, by any means…’crazy’ was more like it! But I asked, I received, & Am ever grateful that I ‘went with it’…Amazing has Life been since! I wish you the same, Carly…I wish you ‘Amazing’…and no thing less!:) Blessed be, & complete your truth-telling!:)

  • Annie Sims

    Thank you so very much, Laura and Erin, for sharing your own personal stories and insights here. They’re so inspiring! I’ll make sure Carly sees them.