What does a friend say?

 

A good friend of mine is going through some major changes in her life – angry separation from family, decrease in career/income, and her gentleman friend called and told her he’d found someone new.

She’s in a panic and turning to me and another good friend for support.  I offered her the WECCE book, which she started to read and then put down.  At this time she’s in no mood to hear that these changes may be for her own good and/or that she created them.

I want to support her, but am unsure what to say to her or do for her.   I cannot in honesty say “poor dear”, because I DO believe WECCE (it’s worked in my life many times).  I can agree with her that it’s a frightening and sad time for her, but she’s not ready to hear that the choice not to be frightened and sad has to come from within herself.

I’ve told her that I know (from experience) that there’s really nothing I can say to make her feel better, that’s a decision she must make for herself.  But that I will support her totally in her choices to create the life she really wants, and that I love her. 

At one point in WECCE Neil says to stay with a feeling until it no longer serves you.  Maybe that’s what she’s doing – staying with the saddness, anger and fear until it no longer serves?  Then when she asks for help, what does a friend say?

Thanks, K

 

Dear K,

You have given her the book, and when/if it is time for her to read it, she will.  How lucky she is to have a friend like you who cares enough to not just talk, but to give tools!

There is nothing wrong, by the way, with saying, “poor dear” to her at this point in her changes, K.  This human experience is all too real and all too painful, more so for some than others.  Saying “poor dear” now, does not mean that you must continue to do so, which would, of course, be enabling her to not even consider changing her mind about what is going on.  So, yes, for now she must experience sadness, anger and fear until it no longer serves her…but, of course, everything does eventually serve.

The mistake that your friend may be making, regarding the “she created them” statements in the book, is forgetting that we are co-creators…and even then we are co-creating on a Soul level, and for a Soul purpose!  We most often have no direct control over the total picture, because we are rarely alone in that picture!  However, and this is the big “however”, we do have control over our own reactions to the events of our lives.  The big lie, if you will, is that we can not consciously control who we are, in any given situation.  WECCE, as you know, gives us tools on how to do just that.  It gives us tools to overcome past data and become conscious co-creators and not victims.  The biggest example I give is Nelson Mandella.  He was in prison for many years, unjustly, and yet he knew that this was just his external circumstance, and that it had nothing to do with who he really is.  The same can be said of Jesus, or Ghandi, and many others.  There were surely people in that same prison with Mandella, imprisoned falsely, who thought of themselves as victims.  The two thieves on the cross with Jesus…one found gratitude and love, the other stayed in victimhood.  They each made a choice.

You might consider, when you are around your friend, and she is negative and in victim mode, asking her gentle questions and gently pointing out different ways of looking at things.  For instance, when she points out how horrible her boyfriend is, you might ask her if it isn’t a good thing that he isn’t lying to her any more so she can move on with her life in truth…or if it isn’t a good thing that she isn’t taking any more risk of disease.  I am sure you get where I am going.  There is always a positive side, if one is willing to change their mind.

Of course, if the negativity continues, it may come to the point you refer to above, and you simply have to say, “I can see that you are hurting, but I can also see that none of the things that I have said mean anything to you right now.  I would like you to find the help and support you require, but it is clearly not coming from me right now.  I love you, and will be here when you think I can really be of help to you, but I can’t just sit here and let you live in misery and enable you to do so.”

I would encourage you to encourage her to look at what fear (panic) is doing to her, and see that it doesn’t really serve her in the way she might think it is serving her.  Those are emotions that only cause us to stay in place, whilst looking backward with longing…but she can change her mind about her future!

Thank you for coming here, and thank you for being a good friend, K!

Therese

(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net, which offers spiritual assistance from a team of Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less, and offers insight, suggestions, and companionship during moments of unbidden, unexpected, unwelcome change on the journey of life. She may be contacted at Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)

(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)


Please Note: The mission of The Global Conversation website is to generate an ongoing sharing of thoughts, ideas, and opinions at this internet location in an interchange that we hope will produce an ongoing and expanding conversation ultimately generating wider benefit for our world. For this reason, links that draw people away from this site will be removed from our Comments Section, a process which may delay publication of your post. If you wish to include in your Comment the point of view of someone other than yourself, please feel free to report those views in full (and even reprint them) here.
Click here to acknowledge and remove this note:
  • Glenys

    I posted a msg weeks ago ? ??? no reply :0(

  • Anita

    Hi I am Anita and I and my son operate a online food business from home. At first when we started almost a year come next February, we we were doing well for the first five months where we had to hire four delivery drivers, this enables the customers to get their meals on time even during traffic hours.

    We then realized that the customers are getting all meals on-time but, the money that came in went back out in payment to the drivers and left me/son who slaved in the kitchen all day with nothing for ourselves. We cut the drivers down to two and plus my son, this was not too bad after paying the drivers however, some customers still gt their meals late, this has to do with the traffic and delivery times that clashes, we have no control over traffic.

    This service keeps going on until September when we had was to keep my son as the only driver, customers said that our food is very tasty and nice but they cannot wait for over two hours for their meals, I agree. Right now we’re barley making it after we pay £860 each month we are left with nothing. We’re truly grateful for having the bills paid but we cant go any further.

    Our problem is we haven’t got a shop-front hence we deliver, and customers got meals late and if we hire more drivers then we’ll not have any income for ourselves. When we started out we deliver over 30-40 deliveries now we’re down to 10 the most 13 and it depends on the amount on the order. I am grateful but, I believe there room for improvement. We don’t know what to do.

    I heard a voice from within me which said you must I write to accomplished things so, I am trying write something and asking God to inspire me.
    Can I get some suggestion or solutions please.
    Thank A