Friends Don’t Let Friends Love Drunk
“I can’t stop thinking about him. He’s just so….dreamy. His eyes, his hair, his smile, all completely flawless. And his personality…I never thought people could be as amazing as he is. He’s so funny, and so clever. He has to be the nicest person I’ve ever met and probably will ever meet. He’s perfect in every possible way. If only I could go out with him…then my life would be totally complete.”
If this has ever represented YOUR thought pattern, then you’re definitely not alone. I cannot even begin to count the number of friends, movies, and songs I have heard sending the EXACT the same message. Whether it be from Taylor Swift or Radiohead, fixating on the impeccable guy or the incomparable girl is certainly not a foreign concept to teenagers. When we seem to find this supposed ‘perfect guy’ or ‘perfect girl’, all we seem to be able to do is think of just how perfect they are. Every waking moment becomes filled with thoughts of them. Or is it?
Many people who feel these thoughts and anxieties simply call them the side effects of being Love Drunk or Love Sick. As fixation is the most common symptom, we wonder whether we spend more time thinking of the person or about the person. Is there a difference, and if there is, does it mean anything at all?
After some deep introspection, we realize that we more often seem to fall in love with the concepts of people rather than with people themselves. When our minds are filled with the thoughts of the other person, we are thinking more of how they seem to ‘complete our lives’. When thinking only about the concept of a person, love turns into an addiction – one not powered by love, but by obsession. We are obsessing over what we think we don’t have, and how we think that this other incredible person will bring it into our lives. The obsessive part of both crushes and intimate relationships both arise from the same basic concept: He/She is perfect, I’m not perfect, He/She will make my life perfect.
Whenever we think “You complete my life” or even “I can’t live without her/him”, we know it is hardly the truth. Chances are, you’ve been living a pretty full 13, 15, or 18 years of your life already. But before we even look out into the world, we must first have a very, very solid foundation in our inner world. The majority of the “love drunk” relationships we enter are based more on our personal deficiencies, rather than our desire to share our highest experience and understanding of Who We Are. In order to have a relationship that is truly the dual expression of love, we must sober up our own sense of self.
Instead of placing the title and expectation of ‘perfection’ on another, we can be our own source of personal fulfillment. Though we seem to neglect this fact, we know that there is not anything we lack in our lives. Let me repeat that, there is not anything we lack in our lives. We only believe in this lack because we see ourselves as separate from it. Whether it be generosity, kindness, or compassion, know that you can manifest it in your own life without any outside help to do it for you. By knowing that you are a source of love, a source of joy, a source of compassion, you become your own fulfillment of your emotional desires.
When you develop these desired attributes within yourself, you don’t need to find them in others. By NOT setting that expectation on your (both imagined and actual) significant other, you can see who They Really Are. Enjoying them for Who They Are, rather than for What They Will Add To Your Life, is what makes a real relationship. So instead of being Love Drunk or Love Sick, let go of the obsession and let yourself enjoy their presence. Trust me, it’s far more fulfilling.
(Lauren is a Feature Editor of The Global Conversation. She lives in Wood Dale, IL, and can be reached at Lauren@TheGlobalConversation.com)