Fear has been on my mind a lot lately, especially when it comes to this venture of Pajamas Notebook. I started out as I always do, like a firecracker, but as time goes on I find myself getting fearful again. This time around, it is a different type of fear than I am normally accustomed to. Usually, I would get scared of failure. “What if no one likes me?” “What if I fail miserably?” Those feelings I am used to and have become really good at handling,so they don’t bother me anymore. What this new fear does deal with is the fear of success! Odd, isn’t it?
This time around I find myself saying, “What if I become successful?” or“What if my message takes off and the spotlight starts to shine on me?” How do I handle that? Being a humble person, the thought of “all eyes on me” is a bit daunting, as I have never wanted to outshine anyone else in my life. I suffer from “feeling bad for those around me when I start to take the lead so I step back” syndrome. This was even stronger when I became a Wife and Mother. I always wanted to be a Stay-at-Home Mommy (which I am), a supportive wife (which I am), a loving sibling (which I am), and a loving daughter (which I am)…which is why my mind keeps putting me in checkmate by saying, “You have everything you ever wanted… why push it and try for more? How will you balance your home with a business? How will you care for your husband? How will you make time for your kids?” It is those moments where fear starts really knocking at my door.
With that being said, I ended up spending the entire weekend thinking about this subject. What fear is, what common fears are, and how it affects different kinds of people. Through this process, I was finally able to muster up enough courage to no longer allow this emotion to get the better of me. How did I do this you may ask? Simply, by deciding to put all TRUST in me, so that I will be able to answer any knock at my door with a smile and with love. You see, the truth is that fear is constantly knocking at our doors if you really take time to listen. We can either choose to ignore that it’s there and just keep pressing on, or we can finally stand up with all that we are and open the door to invite fear in!
That is what I have chosen to do. I have decided to walk straight up to my door, open it up, and invite fear inside. I am going to ‘trust’ that this feeling knocking means I truly am on to something with my business…I am going to love the crap out of this scary emotion until it’s so full of love it has no choice but to love me back…I am going to put all my light towards the fear, and whatever else walks through my door, that it will be overrun with the warmth of which I am.
I have decided right here and now, to no longer live life by constantly ‘exiting stage right.’ Instead, I choose to harness the gifts provided to me and get to gettin’ when it comes to sharing my message with all of you!
Since I have made this declaration to myself and to the universe, I am overrun with pure joy for what lies ahead and am excited to have ‘fear’ along for the ride. Maybe, just maybe, I can finally teach IT a thing or two about how the soul really works!
What would you do, if you knew you wouldn’t fail? What would you do, if fear no longer conquered your life?
(Jaimie Schultz , a/k/a Pajamas, is a fun-loving, passionate, adventure seeker who loves life and loves helping others see how much they should love theirs. She is passionate about all things mystical and out of her control. You can visit her website at www.pajamasnotebook.com)
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