Relationship Status: It’s Complicated (Series Part One)
Part One: I’ll Tell You What I Want!!
Oh My God. He just broke up with her after three months! She’s already got a new boyfriend! He’s just as moody as Robert Pattison! Now they’re back together again! Aww…they’re celebrating their fourth month together!
If this drama sounds familiar to you, then you are a teenager. With over 89% of teens claiming to be dating or have dated, it seems as if no one is safe from the drama of relationships. Call it angst, anguish, or agony, for all seem to have described the state of most teenage couples. So, why is there so much unnecessary drama within relationships? Why does it seem that there is no easy way?
Well teens of the world, I have good news for you:
There is an easier way.
I know, it’s shocking, so I will say it again. There is an easier way. There is a way to be with your boyfriend/girlfriend without pain, without guilt, and certainly without suffering from either party. It may take an entire series to explain, but it can be done.
When looking at relationships, it is very easy to know that they “have gone wrong.” Unfortunately, what’s not as easy is to know where things went wrong and why things went wrong. To solve this problem, we have to go back to square one: our own intentions.
So right now, with whatever relationship you are in (or wish to be in), ask yourself the following question:
What do I want from this relationship?
Don’t worry, there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ answer; it’s all based on your personal desires. In the most general sense, two people enter a relationship because they want something from the other person. This could be something physical, such as money, sex, or a yacht; something abstract, as in attention, security, or intimacy. Though this may sound very egotistical, but we must recognize our intentions. Whether the reason is mental, emotional, or even spiritual, we desire to have our needs satisfied.
As we begin to explore our own answers to this question, we understand the ‘why’ behind the relationship. Whether we are conscious of it or not, we form these expectations of what we want from the other person before the relationship begins, and even before we even know who the person is! When we form our ideas about the relationship, we set benchmarks for when we want our needs fulfilled. Even further, we judge the relationship as ‘failure’ or ‘success’ by the speed or capacity of our wants being fulfilled by that time!
For an exaggerated example, think that as if you wanted an increase in status in your relationship with the high school quarterback, you would expect to eat at the coolest table in the cafeteria by the end of the first month of the relationship. However, if after that first month you still only eat at the 4th coolest table in the cafeteria instead of the 1st, then your wants were not fulfilled in the right amount of time. Thus, because you didn’t advance socially as far as you wanted to, your relationship (and its purpose) was a ‘failure’. Now do you understand the drama?
Though it would be very easy to say that we still are ‘above this egotism’, we all still have intentions, and being conscious of our intentions is one of the most powerful tools that we can access. So, with a little self-reflection, we understand where we stand in our relationships. By recognizing our intentions for what they are, we can change them to fit our grandest version of the greatest vision of Who We Are. If you have answered this question and are displeased with your answers, then it is very possible and very easy to simply have your desires rooted in a higher intention. If you realized that your desires had more to do with having then being, then just transform your intent to ‘know unconditional love’ or ‘experience compassion’.
After understanding our own intentions, we also have to recognize our boyfriend/girlfriend’s intentions as well. Identifying their wants, and having a REAL conversation about what they are, is essential in any healthy relationship. With this recognition, we can decide how to live out both intentions in a harmonious matter. By being ‘attuned’ to each other, we can be ‘in tune’ with each other. IF we decide to. This leads us to our other fundamental relationship question:
What do I choose to be in this relationship?
As always, the importance of Be Do Have influences everything, including our teenage love sagas. Understanding right from the beginning what you choose to be in the relationship WILL make life easier. Choosing to be compassion, empathy, joy, are all options. Your call. Your choice. Your happy ending.
(Lauren is a Feature Editor of The Global Conversation. She lives in Wood Dale, IL, and can be reached at Lauren@TheGlobalConversation.com)