Who’s judging who…and why?

I have been having some serious family issues lately, and, I admit, the sound must carry to the neighbors.  I have a religious neighbor (we obviously have very different views and parenting styles) who, out of the blue, came up to tell me, in a condescending way, that they pray for us all the time.  She is so judgmental!  Now, if it someone were to say that to you, how would you respond in a shove it up your you-know-what, kindly kind of way??

Hillery in Montana

 

Dear Hillery,

Very simply, I would thank her for her kind thoughts.  And tell her I can use all the kind thoughts I can get!

I would also not assume that she is without drama/trauma in her own life, so I might also tell her that I would keep her in my prayers as well.

You referred to how judgmental she is…let her judge.  You are also judging her.  There is a difference between noticing what is, and being judgmental, BTW.  When there is a negative emotion that attaches itself to our perception of the other person, as opposed to the action, we have moved into judgment.  It is natural to react to this emotion.  It is also likely clear to her that you feel this way, and that you don’t think that her way is okay.  So, the cycle of judgment keeps going on and on.

But you can stop that cycle, Hillery, simply by noticing what you are doing, noticing that she is doing the best she can, and change your mind about her.  How?  Just take what she really means, (that she knows things are not perfect in your world, and you could likely use a little help), and throw out the doctrine and judgment she brings to it.  That simple shift removes your judgment moving back at her.

There is a very good chance that she felt awkward about saying anything to you, and that she had to muster up the courage to speak to you.  Further, is it also possible that your reaction to her words is your embarrassment in knowing that others know you are struggling, and are witnessing the drama?   Is it possible that you don’t think it is okay what is happening in your life?   We do seem to want the outside world to see only the perfect little family picture, don’t we?

Sweet Hillary, is it also possible that the judgment you are reacting to is your self judgment?  If so, stop.  Change your mind.  Don’t let fear (embarrassment) and judgment hold you in place.  Let the energy of her, in essence, saying, “You are not alone.”, be what flows through you.  Know that Divinity does not expect perfection from you, because She thinks you are already perfect, no matter that it may appear it is not.

You may even wish to strike up a conversation with your neighbor, from a new perspective.  Who knows, she may have been reaching out to you from her pain, and you may be able to help each other.  This might actually be the perfect time to teach her a new prayer:

Thank you Creator/God, for letting me know that this problem has already been solved.  Please help me now to see my part in that solution.

Therese

(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.cwghelpingoutreach.com  She may be contacted at:                                                              Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)

(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

An additional resource:  The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services.  The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions.  What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God.  It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.

Please Note: The mission of The Global Conversation website is to generate an ongoing sharing of thoughts, ideas, and opinions at this internet location in an interchange that we hope will produce an ongoing and expanding conversation ultimately generating wider benefit for our world. For this reason, links that draw people away from this site will be removed from our Comments Section, a process which may delay publication of your post. If you wish to include in your Comment the point of view of someone other than yourself, please feel free to report those views in full (and even reprint them) here.
Click here to acknowledge and remove this note:
  • Dyana Catherine

    Very timely article. 9 months ago I was diagnosed with Stage 4 Melanoma. Suddenly all my issues of not enough, guilt for having created this, anger towards God and the medical and alternative institutions, rage at all of human kind came rushing to the surface. With it came an attitude of give me what I want or else judgment would be unleashed upon you. I was playing a God of wrath and vindication. On Mother’s Day, I experienced an altercation with my daughter in law and son. I packed up my stuff (toys) and headed out the door all “huffy and puffy”. This past Monday, as a result of Gerson Cancer Therapy treatments and coming to terms with the darkness of the disease within me, I reconciled with my daughter in law and begged her forgiveness for my pride and arrogance because truth be told – all I wanted was to be loved for who I was. I am learning to love myself and God more than ever before. I too was told the same exact words that were mentioned in the above article “I will pray for you”. I heard through my darkened filters a condescending and judgmental attitude. Its origins resided within me as did the source. The reaction to the kind and loving message was mine. I took something beautiful and made it ugly and then permitted it to fester. Your response to Hillery in Montana is perfect. I could not have said it better myself. May we continue forgiving and loving ourselves and others to infinity.

    • Therese

      Dyana, thank you for sharing this. We forget just what our thoughts do to our poor, mortal bodies. For just this reason we must “express”, or “get out” our negative emotions. Of course, we must do it in as loving way as is possible, or it is counter productive, but it will come out, one way or another…even if the body buries it for us for a very long time.

      I know that the Gerson protocol has been effective for many, but I also know that it isn’t the most pleasant of treatments…know that warm, loving thoughts are coming your way as you go through this.

      T.