happiness
It’s a classic parenting situation. You visit a quaint little coffee shop for story time. Another mom or dad walks in and sits next to you while his or her child begins to play with yours. One of you, it doesn’t matter who, strikes up a conversation and after a few moments of small talk you begin to find many commonalities. By the end of the story, phone numbers are exchanged and play-dates arranged. We all know the thrill of finding a new friend on the desert island of parenting, especially if you are a stay-at-home parent who doesn’t get much adult interaction.
I have heard from numerous readers that frequently on a second or third play-date, a seemingly innocuous question is asked, “Where do you go to church?” Do you have a comfortable answer at the ready or do you share the experience of others, with unconventional spiritual beliefs, of awkward silence followed by a stumbling explanation of your world view? Do you live in an area where your New Age Spiritual Beliefs are readily accepted by people with more Traditional Religious Beliefs or do become flush with worry that you might be alienated and lose the potential future play-dates for your child?
Hopefully, this hasn’t been your experience and, instead, the people around you are accepting, full of love and tolerance – adept at embracing differences. But if you have been in this situation and you were met with trepidation, misunderstanding, or even fear that you might try to convert them “to the occult” – you are not alone. (This illustration, of course, should not be construed to indicate that you necessarily believe in anything that can be attributed to the occult, nor that there is anything wrong with it if you do; but only to show that sometimes beliefs outside of the mainstream are viewed as scary by traditionalists).
Here are some questions to ponder: Does it make you hesitate to be completely honest the next time you are asked about your beliefs in a new situation? Have you tried to find “work-arounds” that aren’t necessarily lies, but aren’t really true either? An example might be, “Well, we don’t really go to church” – without divulging that you don’t ascribe to traditional religion. Have you devised an answer that equates your beliefs to something more relatable for others? One such answer might be, “We believe something very similar to Buddhism,” although you aren’t exactly in line with it.
Do you just avoid the topic? Do you lie to avoid confrontation, or tell the whole truth knowing that if they choose to end a budding friendship over this they were not meant to be your friends anyway? Does it make a difference, even if you believe in living a “Christ-like” existence, if you admit that do not consider yourself to be a Christian (if that is the case)? Do you worry about the negative consequences others’ condemnation will have on your child? Are you careful not to judge others for their beliefs?
How do you balance teaching your child to be true to himself with the risk that if he talks about his spirituality the other child’s parents might discontinue outings, and what if the majority of people around you feel this way and it could directly impact his opportunity for friends? (A very real proposition in some parts of the world.)
I hope and believe when you show people Who You Really Are, most will appreciate and love you, regardless of your perceived differences. Really, there is no right or wrong way to handle this situation and I think it might be helpful to remember that Separation from other human beings, especially when it comes to beliefs, is a myth. Conversations with God stands to remind that We Are All One and all beliefs are just parallel pathways to love, peace and connectedness.
Spirituality is a very personal decision. You can be private about it and avoid outward confrontation, but that might cause an internal struggle. On the other hand, you can choose to be open, honest, and live without fear of other’s reactions. I can tell you from my own experiences in the Midwest (of the US) that this can be hard, although pure authenticity is what I desire.
Even readers of this online community have varied interpretations of the words God, Love, The Universe, The All, and/or The Source so there is obviously not going to be a single answer with which every person in the New Spirituality can answer these questions. In fact, many CwG readers use the other words in place of God.
My call to action, here and now, is for us to support each other with advice and recommendations in the comment section below. How would you handle this type of situation? What would you do if you were faced with someone from the traditional religions showing fear that you will corrupt them? How do you protect your child from being hurt as a result? How do you coach your child to know what parts of her beliefs and ideas to share and what parts to keep on reserve? Let’s have a brainstorming conversation!
As always, I send peace and love to your family!
(Emily A. Filmore is the Creative Co-Director of www.cwgforparents.com. She is also the author/illustrator of the “With My Child” Series of books about bonding with your child through everyday activities. Her books are available at www.withmychildseries.com. To contact Emily, please email her at Emily@cwgforparents.com.)
Someone posted this graphic on Facebook awhile ago, presumably in response to news that Kmart will be staying open for 41 hours straight, beginning early on Thanksgiving Day, (for non-Americans reading this, Thanksgiving falls on a Thursday every year, and big sales happen the Friday after stores have been closed for a day.) and several other major retail chains will have opening hours actually on Thanksgiving Day, not the traditional early morning hours of the following Friday, for the “Black Friday” sales.
Of course, even though I agree with this graphic, one must also remember that many/most? work on holidays FOR family. They need the money. Living wages are low, and holiday pay is simply higher.
I think we also have to remember that Americans have a country in which the family structure is being ripped asunder, family “values” are fluid, and we have way too many families that just haven’t bonded, or are broken…and they simply don’t wish to be together. So sad…
But why are these things this way? I have my theories, and many of them are articulated in an article found on Shmoop on line. It says, in part, that during the Eisenhower presidency, things began to shift from a production society, to a consumption society:
“The difference between a production society, which focused on meeting basic needs, and a consumption society, which emphasized customers’ wants, was like the difference between a 1908 Ford Model T and a 1959 Ford Galaxie. The Model T, available only in black, was a utilitarian piece of machinery intended for basic transportation. The Galaxie, decked out in shiny chrome, was a way to show off and to enjoy a sense of luxury, not just to move from place to place. Within a year or two, it would be obsolete as fashion changed. Blessed with abundant resources, America could afford to turn part of its productive capacity to creating glitz and fashionable waste. An older generation was careful to save and reuse; Americans in the Fifties began to use and throw away. They became ‘consumers.’” For full article click here.
Coming from the deprivations of a World War, the temptation towards consumerism was overwhelming. Add to this that the “powers that be” figured out that planned obsolescence would fuel faster turnover, and the marketing world figured out how to make consumers desire things they don’t even need.
We became a consumer society.
We became addicted to “things”, and let “things” define who we are
…and then we became indentured servants to the banks
…and when we became indentured servants
…we did the “right” thing and women started leaving the home, to pay the bills, have more things and in the name of “women’s equality”
…and left children at home, and with strangers
…and we made the choice to let advertisers tell our children that “things” were more important than being with parents
…and parents started giving “things” instead of time to show their children love.
We have created a modern version, here in the United States, of debtors prison. And we have people who no longer know how to interact with one another if we feel the only thing we have to offer is ourselves. And we exported this vision of ourselves, and set about converting the rest of the world.
Please don’t get me wrong on a couple of points here. There is nothing wrong with having those “things” as long as they are not defining your life, and are merely enhancing it. (Even that statement must be caveated with the knowing that manufacturing, as we know it today, is taking a huge toll on natural and human resources, which is an entirely different discussion.) I know full well that having enough money to cover, at the very least, basic human needs, takes a huge strain off of relationships, and facilitates life. I also know that the role of women in this world has to shift, and that “women’s rights” is not a dirty little phrase. In fact, I believe it is the key to changing the direction of this country, and the world.
Women did, indeed, in the 1950’s and especially the 1960’s, step into the current power paradigm, which, obviously to most of us, is not working. But we are in the next phase of recognizing the hole that we have dug for ourselves. I also believe that it goes against our nature to stay in that energy. This is a discussion that I have actually had elsewhere on in this newspaper as well.
I believe that women first had to experience the form of power that had been denied them throughout history, the power of force, in order to feel they had self determination at last. Power is actually not a bad thing, in and of itself, and is needed at times in order to be the guiding parent, the household organizer, and, yes, the business woman, and more. But we are now remembering that it has to be tempered with something else…that intangible that is the feminine. Power had to be experienced in order to recognize it wasn’t what was truly being sought. It is now time to stop playing the game by the old rules. Time to stop putting a skirt on the men’s rules and calling them feminine. Women now must recognize there is power in being able to mix their femininity with their male strength. Time to stop living the “We are all One…and all men are created equal…unless you are a woman.”
Still, even in the old paradigm, women began to teach, if incompletely, that there really IS a different way to view one another. Unfortunately, in most cases, the change was external…men doing dishes, washing clothes, housework…but then it became more subtle. It became okay for men to share the child-rearing responsibilities… and who is the mentor in this situation? The woman. Now we have men recognizing their own gentle strength, and men and women teaching this to their sons and daughters.
Right now we still have too many women so wrapped up in the power paradigm that they don’t even, necessarily recognize that they perpetuate the paradigm that says they are less than. But this next phase is happening.
Women, when they are balanced and spiritual and assured of who they are, will be the ones to raise the boys who know the same…and then men will also know their own true power and be allowed to put down the burdens of the current use of that power.
Balanced women. Balanced men. New paradigm. Children who feel connected to family for a lifetime. No need to outsource happiness and still feel empty. No need to shop on Thanksgiving? Time to begin living and feeling a new “Oneness” concept? Time to truly be Grateful?
Once the state of being happy becomes our natural state, ‘the Magic of Happiness’ appears. As human beings we usually make our decisions and choices based upon either gaining pleasure or avoiding pain. We are all striving to get to that happy state the easiest possible way. What if I told you that you need to walk through the pain to get to happiness? Would you believe me? Are you ready to do just that?
Sometimes our life seems so complicated with all the things we need to do like meeting deadlines, doing the work that needs to get done, financial losses, illness, depression, death, and all the other stuff that make up our busy lives. Why do we do it all? Why do we get so stressed? What are we doing it all for? The bottom line remains that happiness is our final goal. After all, we just want to be happy.
The truth is that we can either live in a state of stress or be in a creative state. What do you choose? The two states cannot exist at the same time. In a creative state life just flows; there are ups and downs but we are able to roll with the flow easily. Once we are in a stress state we begin to fight what is and we struggle to get through the day. The stress takes away from our state of well being and happiness, and eventually leads to health problems, lack of productivity, and depression.
Get happy! When you allow yourself to live in a creative state, happiness flows. When you are in a happy state the spirit in you can steer you much more easily. The creative state leaves you the second you begin to rush or worry. This is why it is so important to begin your day in a positive state. One happy thought in the morning can change the outcome of your day. How much time and effort are you willing to spend to create a happy life for yourself?
To live in a continuous creative state takes awareness and requires a dedicated focus but can be done. First, the need to take responsibility for our current situation, no matter what it is, is required. There are no victims. Accept that you created whatever horror you are dealing and living with. When you take the responsibility for your life you gain the power to change your circumstances. The second key is to be grateful for what is. The state of gratitude attracts more things into your life that you will be grateful for and puts you in a creative state.
There is magic in everyday life when you live in a constant state of acceptance and gratitude. Happiness begins with the thoughts you think today. Are your thoughts taking you higher or lower on the happiness scale? Only you control your thoughts. You have the power to create the life you desire but are you willing to take the responsibility for where you are right now? Are you willing to take the time and energy needed to train your brain? Only you can open the door to ‘the Magic of Happiness.’
(Terri Lynn is an expert at choosing happiness and using the Divine navigation system which she shares in her first book Journey to my Soul . Currently, Terri is Sales Manager at Otto’s BMW in West Chester, Pa. where motivates and coaches the sales team. Her intention is to share with others the importance of putting happiness first. She shares her thoughts on her Website ‘Terri Lynn’s Happy Talk’ Terri resides in Newtown Square, Pa.)
(If you would like to contribute an article you have authored to the Guest Column, please submit it to our Managing Editor, Lisa McCormack, for possible publication in this space. Not all submissions can be published, due to the number of submissions and sometimes because of other content considerations, but all are encouraged. Send submissions to Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com. Please label the topic: “Guest Column.”)
It seems like every time I find myself feeling really good and happy about my life, it is short-lived. One minute I’ll be happy and in no time at all something will happen to throw me into a tailspin and I don’t know which way is up! How can I stay happy for longer periods of time?
~ Melissa, Indiana
Dear Melissa,
First of all, I so know what you’re going through! Truth is, we all do. What you are experiencing is the Law of Opposites at work; that is, as soon as you make a declaration to the Universe (i.e. “I am happy.”), its exact opposite will show up in some way. Admittedly, this experience can be frustrating, especially if you aren’t aware of what’s really going on. But the existence of this law isn’t to punish or to deter us, it actually helps us create what we want in life.
Allow me to explain. The Law of Opposites is based on the principle: “In the absence of that which you are not, that which you are, is not.” In other words, you cannot know yourself as happy unless you know of the experience of sadness. If you were happy all the time, and were only surrounded by happiness, you would cease to even know what happiness really is. But when its opposite shows up, and you experience that contrast, your experience of happiness becomes greater. So you see, the Law of Opposites works in harmony with what you are trying to create more of. The key is to recognize what’s happening and choose happiness again.
So the next time you have this experience, in whatever context, try this:
~ The moment you notice the seemingly not-so-great stuff showing up in your world, take the time to stop and recognize what’s happening. Choose to see it as the Law of Opposites doing its part to bring you what you have called forth. If you dare to, choose to see the “bad” stuff as a sign that the process of creation is indeed working, and say “thank you.”
~ Make a new choice, or rather, choose your original thought again. For example, if your original declaration was “I am happy”, then choose it again, and focus on everything that is alignment with happiness. Make the conscious choice to not give any more energy to the negative stuff that is appearing in your reality.
~ Pat yourself on the back for being the creator of your own experience.
I’m not saying applying any of this is easy, unless it is, of course. But I am saying with a little conscious thought, intention and awareness, you can have an entirely different experience than the one you mentioned in your question. Good luck!
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: ChangingChange.net offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
I just finished watching the 2011 documentary, Happy. It examines the happiness levels of people across many different cultures: from the slums of India, to the bush of Africa, to the beaches of Brazil, to the city streets of industrialized world. Along the way, it seems to discover that feeling gratitude, compassion, connection to others, responsibility toward the earth and helping others are some main ingredients to happiness. This film was rich with ideas that can apply to parenting in the New Spirituality, and I thought I would touch on a couple of them here to open our minds and hearts a little to help our children find their own internal happiness.
By the end of the movie, you are left with a clear sense that happiness comes through your decisions in both your actions and the thoughts you hold about your life. The Conversations with God core concept “We are all one” fits well with their ideas. When we allow ourselves to feel our connectedness and realize that what we do for another, we do for ourselves, we can feel spiritual fulfillment on a profound level.
One of the stories in the documentary was about a woman who was involved in a terrible accident. She had overcome so many obstacles in healing from her disfiguring injuries and even stated that she felt she had a happier life after the accident than before. She had found new meaning in her life and was now helping other people. She could have looked at her 30 reconstructive surgeries and shut down, caught up in the unfairness of it all, but instead she chose to create her own positive experience of the situation. She chose to live each day with renewed purpose and gratitude. She is a great example of how one can “create your own reality” (a core concept from Conversations with God).
In watching the film with my daughter and twenty-year-old nephew, I was thinking about ways we could re-dedicate ourselves to these concepts in our life. They discussed the influence society has on how happy we feel and the role that popular culture plays in making us feel inadequate. As parents, if we can instill in our children an ability to find fulfillment within, the external influences will have less effect on their happiness. The documentary proposed a few ideas to increase our internal happiness which are probably not new to you, but bear repeating:
1. They cited a study which shows that meditation (specifically a meditation about compassion) changes the structure of the brain.
2. Writing down five things for which you are grateful once per week increases happiness.
3. Showing kindness to others increases your happiness.
Adding just one of these activities to your life can make great changes in how you (and your children) feel! An easy way to begin is to start with the gratitude list or journal (something we have talked about before in this column). Just ask your child, “What made you happy today?” And help him or her write it down! For smaller children, this can be drawing pictures. For older children, it can be more involved using the word gratitude.
However you approach it, just know that you are giving your child an irreplaceable gift: The gift of happiness!
(Emily A. Filmore is the Creative Co-Director of www.cwgforparents.com. She is also the author/illustrator of the “With My Child” Series of books about bonding with your child through everyday activities. Her books are available at www.withmychildseries.com. To contact Emily, please email her at Emily@cwgforparents.com.)
I landed deep in the Earth, shivering in the dark, cold soil. Alone, I lay in stillness. Even though I found comfort in silence, hiding and suffering from the pressure of the tight bud, I knew I couldn’t stay there forever. I had to take the risk of breaking free from the shell, rising from the dirt and muck and moving forward toward the light. As I surfaced, plush, vibrant, fragrant petals in full bloom surrounded me. They were unlike my long, spiny ones. I didn’t look like them. I wanted to shrivel back down to the ground, but in one gust, the wind changed direction and I heard the Universe whisper, “You are a Daisy Among Roses. Don’t compare. Say thank you. And bloom where you are planted.”
It is the same message I was reminded at the last yoga teacher training weekend in my home studio, Altamonte Springs Yoga, where our yoga teacher travels to each month for our training. I truly appreciate my yoga teacher, Rolf Gates, because I have a less flexible body yet I don’t feel intimidated in training. And it doesn’t help that I have been a runner for years and have refused to stretch for most of those. If I used the excuse that I was not flexible , I would have given up yoga years ago. But, instead, our teacher says we should bloom where we are planted on the mat. I don’t compare myself to the bendy, flexy girl next to me. I move into tree pose, raise my arms high and bloom where I am planted. I only compare myself to my own self yesterday. That’s the only thing that matters.
As part of our training, we are learning The Yoga Sutra of Patanjali. It’s an 8-fold path, a road map of life (and only one of eight limbs are the poses! And you thought that yoga was just about folding into full lotus!) The first two steps of the path are the five yamas and five niyamas. They are the core values of yoga that provide a recipe for living in the world with ease. Doesn’t that sound like a great plan? And then several of the other limbs of the yoga sutra are what many are familiar with – the asanas (poses), pranayama (breathing) and meditation.
Of the niyamas, there is one principle, Santosha, or contentment which reminds me of blooming. It means to be at ease with things as they are now; neither relishing in the past or hoping for the future. It’s the ability to remain centered and stable no matter what is going on around us. To bloom where you are planted. It is being satisfied with what we are, where we are living, where we work, who our friends are, our income level and what level we are in society. We are grounded and happy wherever we are in whatever state of life. We bloom.
I had to do that when I started yoga. There is no perfect pose. I had to accept where my body was in the pose at that moment. Relaxing into where I was in my pose and realizing what is perfect for me.
We often live our lives with “if” and “when” conditions. If I had more money, I’d be happier. When I pay off all of my debt, that will make me happy. If my spouse was a better person, I’d be happier. When I lose those last ten pounds, life will be good. And then we arrive and it’s not better. It’s why lottery winners often file for bankruptcy and many who lose weight through gastric bypass are afflicted with other addictions. If you cannot be content now, you will not be content later. This is not to say that you cannot work to change things in your live and make them better, but the most important step is that we appreciate where we are today. Bloom. I can look around each morning and find many things that I am grateful for in my life. Right now. I have found peace with where I am. If your health is not the best or you are not in that satisfying job, you can still bloom where you are planted in that garden. Dig your roots deep within, bear the fruit of the Universe and share that radiance with others. Surround yourself with others who want to bloom. If you wait for the perfect conditions to bloom, they will never arise. It doesn’t mean that you are stuck where you are. It means that you can find the beauty in the moment. So whether you are planted in a garden, weeds or among the roses, bloom.
(Claire Denise Johnson combines Western and Eastern training as a physician and yoga instructor. She graduated from Indiana University School of Medicine and trained in Vinyasa yoga under Rolf Gates. Her third passion behind her family is writing and blogs at her site www.daisyamongroses.com. Claire believes that all healing and finding one’s true self comes from within where the light begins. I appreciate the opportunity to share my writing with many around the world.)
(If you would like to contribute an article you have authored to the Guest Column, please submit it to our Managing Editor, Lisa McCormack, for possible publication in this space. Not all submissions can be published, due to the number of submissions and sometimes because of other content considerations, but all are encouraged. Send submissions to Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com. Please label the topic: “Guest Column.”)
What will happen if you decide to be happy…NOW? According to what God tells us through the author, Neale Donald Walsh, in his book Communion with God, it is the decision to be happy that creates the experience of being happy. What does that really mean? From my own life experience, I understand exactly what this means.
We create our life with awareness, or without. When we decide to be happy and really commit ourselves consciously to being happy, we will create the experience of being happy. This sounds too simple to be true but not so easy to execute when the circumstances surrounding you feel like hell. This is where consciousness comes in to play. Our thoughts create our feelings, and our feelings create our experience.
Many family members, close friends, and I are facing huge challenges such as serious illness, death of a loved one, unemployment, horrible work conditions, financial ruin, and divorce. So how is happiness possible under these circumstances? The answer is happiness develops when the decision to be happy is made in our consciousness. What we look for in life affects what we see. I understand, firsthand, how difficult this appears. Impossible you might think. But I also understand, from my own experience, just how making the decision to be happy really works.
Only you control your thoughts. During difficult times, greater effort must be put on feeding your mind positive thoughts. Focus on something that is good in your life, no matter how small, because what we focus on expands. Keep something in front of you to trigger a happy thought when you need one. Allow yourself to imagine something great that may happen, or how you will feel when this episode is past. Force yourself to think of things that make you feel good. Your feelings are in your control when you make conscious decisions. When you feel good, you are creating a better world.
I am not suggesting you ignore the issue at hand to be happy. If you are sick, you need to take measures to get well, but at the same time find a positive focus. Read or watch funny and uplifting stories. Be grateful for something good in your life and focus on the positive. If you are living or working in a bad situation, place a trigger in front of you: a photo of a happy memory, a positive statement, or anything that will trigger a happy thought. Send love to whatever or whoever is causing a problem. Think thoughts that make you feel good. Imagine how you will feel when this experience passes.
Our inner world creates our outer world. The inner world is the cause and the outer world is the effect. Find a way to be at peace with whatever is happening around you. Happiness is not always laughter and bliss, but happiness does survive with acceptance and peace. In difficult times, to live in the moment consciously is our best defense but is often traded for worry over what the future may hold. Worry is a misuse of your imagination. Peace, happiness, and joy only live in the present moment. This I know for sure.
NOW, I urge you to give some thought to your own happiness. In my opinion, happiness is underrated. When happiness is the priority — that is, FEELING GOOD — everything in your life gets better to some degree, no matter what the circumstance. When you feel good. you will attract more things that match that feeling. My wish is health, wealth, and abundance for all; and my hope is that everyone may discover the miracles that happen when you are grateful for what you have at this moment and decide to be happy…NOW.
(Terri Lynn is an expert at choosing happiness and using the Divine navigation system which she shares in her first book Journey to my Soul. Currently, Terri is Sales Manager at Otto’s BMW in West Chester, Pa. where she motivates and coaches the sales team. Her intention is to share with others the importance of putting happiness first. She shares her thoughts on her website – Terri Lynn’s Happy Talk. Terri resides in Newtown Square, Pa.)
(If you would like to contribute an article you have authored to the Guest Column, please submit it to our Managing Editor, Lisa McCormack, for possible publication in this space. Not all submissions can be published, due to the number of submissions and sometimes because of other content considerations, but all are encouraged. Send submissions to Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com. Please label the topic: “Guest Column.”)
How many times has the phrase “I just want to be happy” crept into your thoughts and tumbled out of your mouth? Perhaps someone close to you has uttered these six words in the midst of their own “unhappiness” on an occasion or two, looking to you for the solution?
But just what does “happy” look like?
What images does the word “happy” conjure up for you? Does it represent a state of being which so far life has kept from you like a callous game of keep-away? Does your mind paint a pleasant scene of someone other than you skipping gleefully down a flowery stone path, indulging in an ice cream cone, and humming a joyful tune? Is it in that perfect relationship that you envision and yearn to be a part of, the one that looks nothing like the relationships you are currently experiencing?
If you Google the word “happy,” the first image that pops up is a giant yellow smiley face. Is that what it means to be happy?
If not, what does it mean to be “happy”?
And why do so many people claim not to experience it on a regular basis, if at all?
Our spiritual leaders teach us that a happy life is a peaceful life, doing what brings us joy. Our parents tell us their only wish for us is that they want us to be happy. But if we don’t have any real concept of what “happiness” is, how will we even know if we ARE happy….or, for that matter, have any idea how to get there?
Maybe we are closer to a state of happiness than we actually think we are. Perhaps we are simply hung up somewhere in that space between what we think “happy” looks like and what happiness truly is.
We have become a fun-seeking, happiness-producing society: Take more vacations. Engage in a hobby. Go out for date night. Ladies’ night out. Men’s night out. Eat more. Drink more. Play more. Get more. Do more. Have more. But what would happen if we valued no moment in life as more “fun” than another? What if we perceived all of life as equally fun, equally meaningful, equally purposeful?
Maybe happiness isn’t found in that which we think we are not doing enough of or in that which we think we are not getting enough of. What if we considered the possibility that happiness is already there, always there, patiently waiting for recognition, quietly knowing its potential? Perhaps happy is found in the deep sense of knowing that no matter what is taking place in my life right now, no matter how chaotic or discombobulated or challenging it may seem, that everything is occurring to serve my highest good and the highest good of all. Could we accept the nonsensicalness of it all, at last experiencing the highest level of happiness, knowing that life does not have to be one continuous sweeping run of “fun” experiences unfolding before our very eyes?
Maybe happiness is experienced in loving exactly where you are…and not where you think you should be.
Maybe happiness is experienced in loving exactly what you have…and not in what you imagine yourself to lack.
Maybe happiness is experienced in loving exactly who you are…and not in who you think you are supposed to be.
I don’t believe that happiness is reserved for a select few, nor is it earned or doled out to those who most deserve it. It is experienced within our choice to BE it. It is felt in companion with sadness and confusion. It is known in the moments when life requires us to stretch the furthest and bend the most and love the deepest.
What does “happy” look like to you?
(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
Neale Donald Walsch said recently, “A master lives in gratitude at every moment.”
How can we guide our children to find their own meaningful experience of a life of gratitude?
In the U.S., the month of November is often a time to reflect on one’s good fortune. As we approach Thanksgiving, social media is inundated with “30 Days of Thankfulness” posts, while many renew their attention to charitable giving and volunteering as an outpouring of their gratitude. These phenomena are demonstrations of one of the core concepts of Conversations with God, “There is Enough,” which teaches us that the world is an abundant place in which every person can get what they need and that scarcity only exists as we, collectively, allow it to persist. Feeling this way in November is a great step toward a thankful life, but what about feeling gratitude during the other months of the year?
In a society which is centered on external factors of happiness — acquiring more material things, improving physical appearances, and glorifying competition — it can be difficult to instill a constant and unshakeable sense of inner completeness in your family’s hearts and minds; however, when approaching life through your spirituality, you learn that instead of looking out there, you must start searching within to find fulfillment. In fact, the root of all happiness is gratitude. Being grateful helps us to see everything more positively, even the aspects of our lives we wish to change. Encouraging children to embrace and embody gratitude assists them in their spiritual development, as well as their view of the world around them.
Children learn by example. One way to demonstrate your own gratitude is to, as they say, find the silver lining in negative situations, and share those sentiments with your children. Another way is to share your abundance with others by donating time, resources, or just a kind word to another. Giving of yourself to another person helps you appreciate your own gifts and blessings. A daily practice of gratitude allows it to permeate your thoughts more fully, becoming an integral part of your Be-ing. To this end, children, whether school-aged or even younger, can contribute to your family’s daily gratitude journal by drawing pictures, writing words, or even verbally expressing gratitude (for you to write for them).
Whatever way you choose to bring an awareness and practice of gratitude into your home, it will bring you closer together. I believe you will find that it takes the edge off of a rough day, endears you to each other, and easily becomes a large part of your dialogue and vocabulary…allowing you, and your children, to live in gratitude at every moment.
(Emily A. Filmore is the Creative Co-Director of www.cwgforparents.com. She is also the author/illustrator of the “With My Child” Series of books about bonding with your child through everyday activities. Her books are available at www.withmychildseries.com. To contact Emily, please email her at Emily@cwgforparents.com.)
You can tell if you are addicted to a behavior or an outcome when the absence of it causes you to abandon your happiness. This is the definition of addiction from the book “When Everything Changes, Change Everything. ” The word “abandon” indicates that we are aware on some level that we have placed our happiness on something external to ourselves. This definition becomes evident when we consider a popular television show in the United States called “Hoarding, Buried Alive.”
If you have not seen this show or even heard of this thing called hoarding, it is quite shocking to see what types of distorted reality some people are operating out of. In one of the most disturbing hoarding cases, a man had gone to his mother’s house because she hadn’t been seen in a few weeks. He couldn’t get into the house and then he noticed a strong smell coming from what seemed like the basement. “I thought, there’s no happy ending here,” he said. “I just had a feeling. I had a bad feeling for years…It’s a terrible thing to deal with.” Three days later, the police found his mother’s body under a pile of trash.
Watching the people on this show, as well as knowing some personally, the hoarder is so attached to the items they possess that those items end up possessing them! The idea that happiness comes from within has been so deeply forgotten that they desperately search for the thing that will bring them happiness, only to become buried under the weight of attachments. So where does it start? How does one get so distorted that they have become accustomed to living in squalor, with dead animals, feces, and mountains of garbage, clothes, and material possessions in some cases from floor to ceiling in their dwellings?
One theory is that a trauma has occurred in the affected person’s life that has created the belief that their life depends on these items being in their possession. The trauma was such that denial of their true nature was too painful for their ego to handle. Childhood traumas can be neglect, they can be physical abuse, including sexual abuse, or they can simply be from growing up in a house where emotions are not shown. These are just a few of the abuses many in society heap upon children. These traumas will manifest themselves differently in adults, and even more so if the individual does not have a strong sense of resiliency.
From the outside looking in, the obsession with materialistic possessions confounds most people because they look solely at the despicable conditions and wonder how anyone can tolerate that. What is clear from the addictions and compulsions specialist’s point of view is that through a predictable path of events in the hoarder’s life, they suffer from a disease, and a lack of ease is exactly what it is. They cannot easily ascertain their own ability to survive and find pleasure outside of the parameters they have set for themselves; that is, they feel they must keep on collecting items and never give them up. To give them up, they perceive they would be letting go of their comfort, happiness, and even possibly their survival.
Can this type of behavior be changed? Is there a chance for a recovery for the hoarder? Of course there is a chance; it is rare, however, due to the reclusive nature of the disorder. The statement “With him, all things are possible” comes to mind here. The more difficult question is, however, how does the afflicted get to the space where they can even entertain seeking a spiritual resolution to their disease?
How can we as a loving, caring community support these people and help them to find themselves once again and lead a productive, happy life?
(Kevin McCormack is a Conversations with God Life Coach, a Spiritual helper on www.changingchange.net, Addictions recovery advisor. To connect with Kevin please email him at Kevin@theglobalconversation.com)
