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Hi my name is (_________) and I am an addict, alcoholic, compulsive gambler, sex addict, risk taker, over-eater. These words are repeated daily by millions of people in recovery. The reason given for saying these things lies in the belief that those who forget are doomed to repeat. This is decent logic, but is there a better way to achieve the same result? And when I say better I mean, more effective. After all, isn’t effectiveness the goal of all that we do in life?
Life is all about the effects. Our thoughts, words and actions, are the process that we use to create the effects which we desire to experience in our lives. Not very many people would ever admit to striving for mediocrity, although behaviors may indicate otherwise. Most people wish for and strive for higher and higher effectiveness in their daily lives.
I’d like to call into question the logic of placing a derogatory statement about ourselves behind the two most powerful words in the human language. If those of us in recovery are seeking to remain abstinent from the substances and behaviors that we found ourselves unable to control, wouldn’t it stand to reason that we may want to make a more positive and empowering statement about who we are?
In the world of recovery there is most important thing is of course personal sobriety. In order to achieve and maintain long term sobriety a person either needs to be extremely determined not to use under any circumstances or create a life that is so grand that using would never even be an option. I recommend the second choice there if you are wondering. The first option is called abstinence or as the old timers would call it, “dry drunk.” The second option is called sobriety.
You may ask, what is the difference between abstinence and sobriety? That is a very good question. Abstinence is simply taking away the substance like alcohol or drugs and doing nothing at all about the underlying conditions that created the issues in the first place.
Sobriety is a daily practice of self awareness and self improvement. Persons who take on the role of raising their consciousness about themselves and their surroundings often find themselves to be happy and fulfilled, as well as inspiring to others. Sobriety in this form is very contagious and people flock to you to share in the energy.
Many words have negative energy as well as negative connotations surrounding them. Words like, junky, crackhead, drunkard, lush, addict, alcoholic etc, not only have a darkening effect on the user but also projects out that same dark energy to surrounding ears. Place the words “I am” right before them and we are actually summoning that definition to our reality.
There is a recovery film out now called “The Anonymous People.” If you get an opportunity to watch this please do. In this documentary the political history of the 12 step programs is investigated deeply. Many people have lobbied our politicians to find more funding for recovery programs and addiction treatment facilities. Currently the political answer to addiction is incarceration. Because we can all see how well the prison system is reforming people (sarcasm.)
So the question then becomes how is that one of the greatest public health threats, addiction, isn’t treated as a healthcare issue? One possible answer lies with the image of those of us in recovery. When a person who is not in recovery hears one of us introduce our self as, “Hi, I’m Kevin, and I am a drug addict.” They see a person with a moral deficiency.
The same “normal” person responds differently when I introduce myself in a more positive light. Hi, my name is Kevin McCormack. I am a person in long term recovery from the disease of addiction. For me long term means almost 27 years of continuous sobriety. In those 27 years I have experienced great things in my life such as a long term job of 20 plus years, continued education, but most of all the respect of my family, friends and self.
This type of shift in our language not only sheds light on the positive in our life which keeps our mind on what is most important, but it also brings about a certain level of respect and admiration from those who do not fully understand the disease of addiction.
Ultimately, personal recovery is goal number one, however, the twelve steps is very clear that “we cannot keep what we have without giving it away.” How can we give it away if we are hidden away in the basement of a church surrounded by those who have already found it?
Humanity would be well served if we took the anonymity of ourselves a little less literally. By all means I am not saying we should disclose someone else’s participation in recovery. But it serves very little good to keep who we are secret. It is time to stand together and raise the awareness of those in need. Recovery is possible. A happy, productive life is at your finger tips. Come walk with us, people in long term recovery who wish to help others achieve the same.
(Kevin McCormack, C.A.d ,is a certified addictions professional and Recovery Advocate. He is a recovering addict with 26 years of sobriety. Kevin is a practicing auriculotherapist, recovery coach, and interventionist specializing in individual and family recovery. Kevin has a passion for holistic living, personal awareness training, and physical meditation. You can visit his website Life After Addicton for more information. To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@TheGlobalConversation.com)
The United States spends fifty one billion ($51,000,000,000.00) annually (per year) on the war on drugs. Where is that getting us? Who is the beneficiary of this ginormous amount of money? Has anyone asked if the money could be spent in a more humanitarian effort such as programs and funding for those who wish to get out of the vicious cycle of addiction?
The war on drugs began during the Nixon presidency when President Nixon, rightly so, called drugs “public enemy number one.” Alcohol and other drugs account for the majority of people now being held in our prison system. Has anyone considered that it costs over $50,000 per year to house one person in a correctional facility? That money couldn’t be better spent trying to help people overcome addiction?
Don’t even get me started on the term “correctional facility.” The rate of recidivism is a steady forty percent. There are approximately two million people incarcerated in the United States alone. Of those people roughly one million are in jail on drug related offenses. This includes people arrested for marijuana offenses in states where pot is now completely legal!
The war on drugs is a very healthy economy for some. Many people have become uber rich thanks to this war. Some of these people are the most ruthless people on the planet. Mexican drug cartels, Afghanistan drug lords, Governments of third world countries to name just a few. Our war on drugs hasn’t saved any lives it has maimed and slaughtered countless innocent lives though.
There are some rumblings from Washington that they are going to take a look at the clemency issue for a few thousand prisoners who are in jails for drug related crimes. A few thousand is a drop in the bucket of the larger problem at hand. How do we get help to those who need it and want it?
As recovery advocates, myself and my peers struggle daily to find suitable help for those with their hand stretched out looking for assistance. I have to tell, if your wallet is empty, it isn’t going to be easy to get treatment. The good news is; it isn’t impossible. The sad part is; it isn’t getting any easier right now.
Currently only the best and most expensive insurance policies cover addiction treatment. Even in those cases the insurer usually dictates what that treatment is going to look like. Typically they will give the green light to outpatient treatment. This means you get to go see a counselor a few times a week for therapy. This is rarely sufficient to get a person off of addictive substances.
For addicts, the window of willingness to get help is very small. It may literally be only a matter of minutes that a person remains willing to be treated. An hour spent in therapy is merely a delay in the inevitable. Addicts recover best when they are in a group environment away from those people, places and substances that keep them in the vicious cycle of addiction.
Some insurers will agree to inpatient treatment, typically only 28 days however. Statistics show a greater success rate when patients remain in treatment for 90 days. Why wouldn’t we see those statistics and do what is best for the individual and society by giving treatment that is clearly better? If money is the sole answer, I know where there is $51,000,000,000.00 available to help!
I see the illusion of ignorance at work here. We have almost 45 years of data showing that the war on drugs has done nothing to stem drug use. The number of high school students that have admitted to using heroine is through the roof. Alcohol has its same foothold on our youth is it always has. Now that pot is becoming legal for recreational use the stigma will subside possibly leading to more widespread misuse. Of those who try it just because it is legal, some will switch on their addiction gene and move into full blown addiction.
Stopping people from using cannot be achieved by locking them up after they have already begun using. We need to do a better job of informing our population of the facts about addiction not propaganda. I never experienced “Refer Madness” nor did anyone else. It was just a lie and lies don’t work. What is the first thing we ask our kids when we suspect them of drug use? “Don’t lie to me, have you been using?” Not real helpful.
I wonder why the majority of politicians don’t see the impotence of the war on drugs and make an attempt to overhaul it. Just about everyone has been impacted by a loved one’s addiction. With just a little bit of understanding it is plain to see that it is a sickness not a moral issue.
Legislating morality hasn’t worked really well for our country and it is about time to stop and take inventory of what works and what doesn’t. Prisons can be the trigger that some need to become sober. I am pretty clear that in most cases people return from prison with deeper emotional issues and less coping mechanisms making addiction the easy way out. This begins the vicious cycle all over again.
I say stop the war on drugs and start a new campaigned. Maybe we can call the “light on addiction.” We all know that what we look at disappears and what we resist persists. I am not resisting any longer. I am now assisting, and that is what I encourage you to do. Instead of saying things like “shame on you,” maybe we can start saying things like “I understand you, and I want to help.”
Help me shine the light will you?
(Kevin McCormack, C.A.d ,is a certified addictions professional and Recovery Advocate. He is a recovering addict with 26 years of sobriety. Kevin is a practicing auriculotherapist, recovery coach, and interventionist specializing in individual and family recovery. Kevin has a passion for holistic living, personal awareness training, and physical meditation. You can visit his website Life After Addicton for more information. To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@TheGlobalConversation.com)
During a recent recovery training class I attended the teacher asked the following question: Who is the person that all addiction professionals have the hardest time helping? The answers were coming fast, and all were wrong according to him. Some said “meth-heads,” others said “methadone addicts,” and other answers consisted of bulimics, anorexics, over-eaters, cigarette-smokers, etc. The professor just kept shaking his head no. Finally someone gave the answer he was looking for: co-dependents. There was a collective sigh of agreement from the room when the answer was given.
The human ego is our outward expression of who we think we are. Ego is what we show to the world. A Course in Miracles defines ego as “nothing more than a part of your belief about yourself.” Of course, for the most part, our belief about our self is almost always very limited and oftentimes incorrect. Nonetheless, it is a critical part of who we are and how we experience life here.
So one of the most difficult things to get across to someone who has been affected by the behaviors of their loved ones is that they have been negatively impacted much in the same way that their loved ones are. When the topic of co-dependency comes up with a family member of an addict or abuser, the answer we get is almost always the same: “I am not the one with the problem; they are!”
It sure is easy to see it that way, too. The alcoholic/drug addict has clear and definitive symptoms. Their lying, stealing, scrapes with the law, loss of jobs and relationships directly relate to addiction. Yeah, addicts are pretty much out in the open with their disease, but guess what? They don’t see it themselves. And the same is true for co-dependents. They do not see the destructive nature of their behavior but, most people around them do.
For the outsiders, co-dependent behavior is baffling. Many say, why won’t she just leave him? Or how many chances will he give her? Or I can’t believe they put up with that kind of behavior. Rational people cannot grasp what keeps the co-dependent repeating self-destructive behaviors.
My heart goes out to the sufferers of co-dependency. The longing for love lost is heartbreaking to witness.
When an addict takes his first drink or drug, they have no idea they are going to become enslaved and addicted to it. At some level, however, we understand that what we are doing could have some serious consequences. When a person falls in love with an addict or an abuser or a person with a narcissistic personality, they are much more unaware that they have become collateral damage to the disease of addiction.
To some degree, addiction is contagious.
How can a person’s thinking not be affected by the unpredictable behavior of their loved ones? Our ego, in many cases, attaches ownership to our significant others. We feel responsible for their behavior and their public image. Soon we begin to lie to cover for them. Not to protect them. Usually by that point we don’t care much about them anymore. No, we do it to protect us. We don’t want anyone to see that we don’t have it all together.
This is the point our ego becomes the obstacle we must overcome. And sadly, many do not. If only we in the helping community could get the point across that when we have one finger pointing at someone else, there are always 3 pointing right back at us. Try it and see. No, the thumb doesn’t count!
What I would like to get across here in this blog and in my life’s work is that recovery from anything is really our human quest. Staying the same, remaining unchanged, attempting to uphold an image of perfection goes against what the human experience is all about. We are here to grow and experience all there is and as much of it as possible.
Sadly, what happens to all too many of us is that we end up experiencing the same things over and over again. After 50, 60, 70 years of that, many are so done with it they just wish life would end. I don’t feel it needs to be this way. I have met countless people now in my 26 years of recovery; and for the most part, these people are living and enjoying life again.
Being in a place of actively welcoming change into your life is a magical place. Breaking down the walls of ego and being transparent with your life is a gift from the soul. We can’t learn anything if we are always right. We can’t receive compassion from others if we hide our pain and sorrow. We can’t experience love others until we learn to love ourselves.
Co-dependency, like addiction, is not a derogatory identity to have. It is merely the path we have chosen to take on this particular journey through the physical. We have been here before; and undoubtedly, we will be here again.
If this article has struck a chord with you please feel free — no, feel inspired to comment below. Be the one who starts the conversation. Be the source of recovery from the destructive thought patterns that limit our experience here in the physical realm. This is your invitation.
(Kevin McCormack, C.A.d ,is a certified addictions professional and auriculotherapist. He is a recovering addict with 26 years of sobriety. Kevin is a practicing auriculotherapist, life coach, and interventionist specializing in individual and family recovery and also co-facilitates spiritual recovery retreats for the CWG foundation. You can visit his website Life After Addicton for more information. To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@TheGlobalConversation.com)
(This week’s Addiction & Recovery column is hosting a guest article written and contributed by Nicole Lewis.)
“We know perfectly well how to be spiritual. It’s being human that we have trouble with.” – Renee Bledsoe
I used to be under the impression that addiction and spirituality were mutually exclusive. In the midst of another self-destructive moment, I could easily scoff at the idea that someone…anyone, with an addiction, especially myself, could have an iota of spirituality in their body.
Fortunately, I was misinformed about not only myself and others, but about spirituality as well. As someone who has several years of sobriety under her belt, I can stand on the sober side of addiction and say, unequivocally, that addiction and spirituality are inexorably intertwined.
I believe that we all feel the same deep sense of connection; a primal urge that pulls us toward community and fellowship, the desire to feel wanted and accepted by others, and the unwavering notion that there has to be something — more. I believe this is our spirituality beckoning to us. It is the part of ourselves which is connected to all of life. It is the aspect within us which compels us to seek an answer which, at times, feels just beyond our grasp. Addiction convinces the addict that this yearning is something within us which is broken. We crave an end to the longing. We await the feeling of relief which comes from the addiction, even if only temporarily. Caught in the cycle of addiction, we strive only to fill—repair—numb. It becomes easier to live in the certainty of the addiction than in the uncertainty of our spirituality. And so, as the vicious cycle of addiction wreaks havoc on us, we are nonetheless comforted in the brief periods when we have managed to suppress our eternal knowing one more time. We become strangely comforted by our despair and made whole by our torment, for they are certain. It is when the numbness fades and the deep pull returns that we are thrust back into the uncertainty. The cycle of addiction seeks to smother the very essence of what it means to be part of this amazing co-creative experience that we call life.
Through sobriety, I have learned that our spirituality is not something that can be quantified or measured. It is our essence. The longing within each of us is our shared connection to something grander than we can imagine. Admittedly, this can be a scary idea. Nevertheless, it is neither a void which needs filling nor a force which requires suppressing. I have learned to embrace this aspect of myself and by doing so, have become comfortable with the feeling. It is the exhilaration of knowing, at an innate level, that I am safe, connected and loved. Ultimately, the darkness of my addiction could not stand the light of this revelation.
(Nicole Lewis is a life coach. She is a grateful recovering alcoholic with 5 ½ years of sobriety. To connect with Nicole, please email her at theinfiniteiamllc@gmail.com)
Just about everybody knows someone who is addicted to something, and I am not talking about the soft addictions that limit our connection to our highest self. I am talking about hard core addictions that are affecting the lives of not only the addict, but also many lives around them. Addiction takes no prisoners and it spares no lives. Families are torn apart, friendships are dissolved, businesses go bankrupt and employees lose their jobs. Children are left without parents and parents lose children to drug related tragedies.
Many of us have been asked to help someone who is in need of treatment, only to find that after a few days of sobriety the person has returned to their past behaviors. I know of one person who has spent over $200,000.00 on treatment programs for his son only to have him end up using after all was said and done.
Addicts are not soulless-bad people who willingly harm others for the sake of doing so. They are suffering with a disease that affects their mind, body and spirit. They are doing what they feel they need to do in order to survive and they live in fear of having to change their way of life. They are afraid because the disease of addiction strikes at the center of the brain that operates through our subconscious; the same part of the brain that controls our heart beat and our breathing as well as many other survival functions.
If you have ever watched the television shows such as; Addicted, Intervention, or even My Strange Addiction, you will see the cold hard truth of what it is like to be under the spell of addiction. You will see, “Continued use, in spite of negative consequences” up close and personal. Still, without having the experience yourself, you can never truly understand what is going on in those persons thoughts. The behavior appears to be completely insane, and it is.
Insanity is defined: Repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results. The addict truly thinks that the next drug is going to fix them and they will never need to use again, hence the term “get my fix.”
What I have found in my experience, as well as in the experience of others, is that insanity is temporary. The second step of the Twelve Step programs is; Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. So how do we do this? How do we come to believe? How did you come to believe? Have you always believed? Do you still not believe?
When I first came to sobriety, and was confronted with this step, I did what many others have done; I went on faith. If it worked for others it could work for me – unless they were lying! Yes, I didn’t believe yet, but I was willing to give it a try. What I have come to understand over the years of being clean is that to be fully sane, is a lifelong process. I return to sanity in bits and pieces only to awaken to other areas of insanity. Through the enlightenment of unhelpful behavior patterns exposed in my life, my level of joy and freedom are increased.
To be fully sane, is a lifelong process.
Faith is simply taking someone’s word for something and being willing to give it a try. It doesn’t mean just trust me and don’t question me. Faith is not going blindly on what others say. Faith is temporarily putting aside current beliefs to experience another way of doing things. Faith, with experience, turns to belief. Belief, with experience and awareness, turns to knowing. When you get to a place of knowing something to be true, you have found peace.
So this is what I am here for, to help others to take a leap of faith, and support them through their process of coming to believe, and then walking beside them as they get to know, who they really are and what they wish to do. This is life in recovery. This is the path to peace.
In June we kicked off our first in a series of CWG on recovery retreats. A small group of people all shared a life-changing event. If you are in recovery and not experiencing great joy and freedom or are still suffering with addictions, please consider giving yourself this experience. Our next retreat will held in San Jose, California, Sept 19 -22nd, 2013. On October 24 – 27th, 2013, we will have another retreat in Orlando Florida. Click here for more information on these life-changing retreats.
(Kevin McCormack, C.A.d ,is a certified addictions professional. He is a recovering addict with 26 years of sobriety. Kevin is a practicing auriculotherapist, life coach, and interventionist specializing in individual and family recovery and also co-facilitates spiritual recovery retreats for the CWG foundation with JR Westen. You can visit his website here for more information. To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@TheGlobalConversation.com)
When does too much turn into addiction?
I am often asked this question in many different forms, about many different subjects. It usually comes across in questions like am I addicted to work, or money, or candy, sex, alcohol even television. The list goes on and on. Society has done a wonderful job of blurring what is really very obvious to most people. In order for something to be considered an addiction the following definition must apply. You will not hear the definition of addiction talked about in the media.
Continued use in spite of negative consequences.
For those of you who read this column regularly you have heard this definition before. These negative consequences for the 5 major addictions are obvious to everyone who knows the addict. For the soft addictions the consequences may not be so obvious from the outside.
Many people would say that a person who makes millions of dollars and continues to build his wealth is addicted to money. Without knowing who this person is and what he is up to with his money, it is not for us to say that he is addicted. Take for example, the person who works 100 hours a week. We would judge this person to be a workaholic. But what if that person is doing what he or she loves to do? What if the work this person is doing is for a cause that could bring great joy and freedom to large numbers of people? Do we still say that person is a workaholic or do they now become a saint?
So if a person likes to come home from work every night and crack open a cold beer, sit on the couch and watch the evening news is he addicted? My answer is, “I don’t know, what happens if he doesn’t watch the news?” You didn’t see that coming? Really?
The news media uses fear as the driving force to keep people coming back. And it works! How does being informed of the murders, house fires, and potential terrorist threats, on a daily basis help us to feel joy? Do we really need to know what the weather is going to be this coming weekend so we can make plans? Many people keep a cable news channel on all day long listening to the same 5 stories be repeated endlessly. You don’t think this is addiction? Tell me what good this serves in our lives.
Fear, is the opposite of everything that we are.
God said that in CWG book one.
Fear causes tension and anxiety which leads to all sorts of physical and mental health issues. Fear causes the body to enter into the fight of flight syndrome. While in that mode the body cannot repair itself thus becoming vulnerable to disease.
Living with a pattern of behavior that creates a mental state of fear qualifies as addicted by definition. Repeating a behavior that is non-beneficial to our physical health or our mental well being is dysfunctional living.
Hang on — there’s breaking news — oh no, a carjacking in New York City.
Yes, this story gets the headlines; one man carjacks somebody in a city of 12 million people and this makes a top story on the 5 pm news? Why? What is the end game of this type of reporting? Is it really just to keep us coming back day after day so they can sell ads? Why do we not see the bigger picture? That the majority of humans are out in the world doing good things, living normal, happy lives? When will we decide take back our reality creation instead of letting someone create our reality based on what sells more advertising for them?
It is staggering to see what the media chooses to report on when you look at it honestly. The news is merely another form of entertainment much like professional wrestling. They are going to look for the most sensational piece of news and beat it over our heads for as long as possible. A sensational plane crash gets 2 weeks coverage at the top of the hour while meanwhile 44 people per hour per day die from addiction-related incidents.
My wife and I decided a few years ago that we would not watch news unless there was something happening that we felt the need to be informed of. We also decided if we were going to watch that we were going to keep our finger on the channel button and turn it off as soon as we received the information we desired. For the most part we get our news through the internet where we can pick and choose what it is we want planted in our head.
My suggestion to everybody is how much news are you watching? How is it affecting your life? Is it helping? Or is it just filling your head with useless information?
In June we kicked off our first in a series of CWG on recovery retreats. A small group of people all shared a life-changing event. If you are in recovery and not experiencing great joy and freedom or are still suffering with addictions, please consider giving yourself this experience. Our next retreat will held in San Jose, California, Sept 19 -22nd, 2013. On October 24 – 27th, 2013 we will have another retreat in Orlando Florida. Click here for more information on these life changing retreats.
(Kevin McCormack, C.A.d ,is a certified addictions professional. He is a recovering addict with 26 years of sobriety. Kevin is a practicing auriculotherapist, life coach, and interventionist specializing in individual and family recovery and also co-facilitates spiritual recovery retreats for the CWG foundation with JR Westen. You can visit his website for more information at www.Kevin-Spiritualmentor.com To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@TheGlobalConversation.com)
Change is difficult. Unwanted change can be painful and challenging. Recovery from addictions, hard or soft, is no exception. Anyone who has consciously made the effort to rid their lives of a behavior they deem destructive or no longer useful can attest to this. So why is it that when we come to the realization that we desire change it then becomes difficult to follow through?
Personally, I have chosen recently to stop drinking coffee or any other caffeinated beverages. It has been 18 days of complete abstinence for me, yet I know this territory very well. I have quit before for longer periods of time. The difference this time is, I have been seeking the support of others and remaining aware of my tendencies.
Thoughts create our urges and cravings. Sometimes the triggers are subtle, other times they are very predictable. I have just about every Starbucks in the greater Orlando area mapped out in my head. When I am driving, occasionally I will have the thought “hey, there is a Starbucks right around the corner.” This is the moment of choice. Do I react or do I create? Do I give in and damage my self-esteem or do I acknowledge my own power and move on? I have found the best way to choose the latter is to enroll others in my journey.
The frontal lobe of the brain is the cognitive center, and its function is to separate out thoughts and filter them in the way we direct. The midbrain is the impulsive, reactive center in the brain. The midbrain sends its messages 7 times faster than the cognitive brain operates. This is because the midbrain’s function is to preserve life. When we practice cognitive behavior, we are much better prepared to handle the impulsiveness of the midbrain. Increasing our awareness is a slow process that takes practice and willingness.
So how do we direct the frontal lobe to make choices that support us in where we say we want to go? This is the great challenge all of us face in life. What are the voices in my head? How many of them are there? And which ones do I listen to?
Life can be a lot like typing. We can hunt and peck our way through, hoping we create a document worth reading before we die. Or we can blindly stroke keys and end up with a mess of letters on a page that do not form any meaning at all. Or, lastly, we can train ourselves to memorize where the keys are and which fingers to use to hit the keys and really create a work of art in a much shorter period of time, allowing for greater amounts of creation during our lifetime.
The “qwerty” way of living life takes a little more upfront work in the form of practicing healthy patterns of living so that we can start to direct our life with more focus and determination. Have you noticed that the things in life you pay most attention to are the things that manifest in your reality? Positive and negative, this is how life works. God provides us with exactly what we place the majority of our intention on.
This is why it is so important to make sure you are sending out the message that you want to experience and not place your energy on what you do not wish to experience. Many of us tend to fall prey to the thinking that life is not on our side and that we are somehow at a disadvantage to others. So long as we play out that belief, it will appear true.
“The Universe is like a big Xerox machine.
It simply produces multiple copies of your thoughts”
Conversations with God, Book 1
When we decide to make a change in our life, circumstances will present in the form of “are you sure?” I have had many “are you sure” moments over the last 18 days of abstinence from caffeine. From the wonderful smell of the coffee tray coming down the aisle of the airplane I was on and mercilessly stopping right next to me for what seemed like 5 minutes. God, it smelled good! But I had support, people who knew what I had called forth in my life. And whether or not I didn’t take the coffee because I would have been embarrassed to admit I didn’t succeed or I simply chose not to, doesn’t matter. I remained resolved in my quest. One day at a time. One craving at a time. One “are you sure?” moment after the other.
The moments when a craving hits or an opportunity presents itself to relapse into past behaviors and we choose to rise above and recreate ourselves in a new way, we reinforce our new pattern. After doing this repeatedly, the new pattern becomes the norm and the “are you sure?” moments become less frequent.
So I choose to embrace these “are you sure?” moments and recognize them for what they are. They are the spiritual barbells of the universe, making us more powerful in our ability to create our lives in a more conscious way.
What are your experiences with “are you sure?” moments?
(Kevin McCormack, C.A.d ,is a certified addictions professional. He is a recovering addict with 26 years of sobriety. Kevin is a practicing auriculotherapist, life coach, and interventionist specializing in individual and family recovery and also co-facilitates spiritual recovery retreats for the CWG foundation with JR Westen. The next retreat will be September 19 – 22nd in San Jose, California. More information on retreats can be found here. You can visit his website for more information at www.Kevin-Spiritualmentor.com To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@TheGlobalConversation.com)
My family and I just spent a week in a big city that we had never been to before. We were there to help our 19-year-old son move from where he went to school to the city where he will be looking to start his career. Much like the drama found in reality shows, we felt the stress of having to search for a place that was available, connect with the person who was renting, get the background checks done, and move his belongings with enough time to catch our scheduled flight back to where we live, which is clear across the country.
Our trip began with a thorough cleaning of a bachelor apartment and the packing of all its contents. Once we were packed, it was time for our 7-hour drive to the destination where our son would pursue turning his passion into a profession. The one-week time frame had now dwindled down to 4 days, and we had only a few leads which we found on Craigslist. As we drove around to check out these leads, we quickly realized how precious our time was and how fast it was going by.
The odds started to appear to be stacked against us. We did not know the area at all. We had a budget we had set which was a random number we had all agreed on prior to even knowing what the market value was. We were following directions from our Smart Phone map programs and a GPS unit, all of which wanted us to take traffic-jammed freeways just to travel short distances.
As a group, our frustration began to build. We had been driving around for four hours and had only seen three properties. Taking a look at the reality of our situation, we had decided it would be wise to take two cars so we could cover more ground. Although this was not the way we had wanted our trip to go, it was not very long after this decision that it became clear things were exactly the way they were supposed to be.
I knew in my heart that we would succeed in our mission. This was never really in question for me. What I failed to keep in my mind was the bigger picture that is always present. Think small and you will surely experience little results. The bigger picture always includes engaging all people on a deeper level than “what can I get from you.” True happiness seems to always come from a place of mutual energy exchange.
We had not kept in our awareness that all of our human tasks, no matter how big or how minor, revolve around one very important thing: our relationships with others. Our relationships with all people are the single-most important aspect of the contextual field we are here to experience. When we bring the energy of Oneness to each and every interaction with others, the heavens rejoice and the treasure chests are opened.
Here is what we began to do that changed everything: We made a decision to not go it alone. We began to engage strangers in our plight. As we were driving around, we saw “for rent” signs and would call them. If the person did not have a property that was suitable to us for one reason or another, we ended the phone call by asking a uniting question: Do you know of any apartments or people we could contact that may have something for us to consider?
This simple question seemed to bring out the best in everyone we posed it to. Every single person took the conversation to the next level. We had simple suggestions like “try this part of town” or “stay away from this particular area.” A few said, “I do not, but here is the number of someone who might.”
We had one person whose name was Harold go way above and beyond by not only giving us three great leads right away, but also called us back the next morning and gave us two more!
Not one of those we engaged on our journey did we meet face to face, nor did we have any prior relationship with them. They had no financial reason to help us, as they were also landlords looking to rent their own properties. So why did they do so? Why did they take time out of their busy schedules to help us, someone they didn’t know and would likely never meet?
I think I know why. I believe that we all want to help others and have an internal and eternal desire to be of service to Humanity. I feel they were as empowered and enriched by helping us as we were by their generosity. I know, in the core of my being, that we all want to give freely our gift, and we are just waiting for the invitation to do so. Great joy always seems to involve doing something for another without the thought of what is in this for me.
So how does this article end up in the Addiction in Recovery column?
Recovery only works when we engage those who have gone before us and ask them to share their experience, strength, and hope with us. The founders of the Twelve Step method knew right away recovery could not take place without the support of those who could relate to the plight of the addicted.
Addiction is a solitary disease. Many start off using in a social setting in order to fit in. At first, the disease seems to be the cure for all of our ills. We become social and outgoing. Ironically and slowly, the disease progresses and takes all of that away again. We become lonely, isolated, and avoided. Sick, tired, and dying, we are faced with the decision: Do I continue to use and kill myself slowly? Or do I reach out for help and give someone the opportunity to experience their purpose, helping others?
Would you like to be part of a group of recovering people who share a similar belief system? Join us for the CwG on Recovery Path to Peace retreat in Medford Oregon June 23 – June 26.
Kevin McCormack, C.A.d ,is a certified addictions professional. He is a recovering addict with 26 years of sobriety. Kevin is a practicing auriculotherapist, life coach, and interventionist specializing in individual and family recovery. You can visit his website for more information at www.Kevin-Spiritualmentor.com To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin.Spiritualmentor@gmail.com or call 407-808-6431.
Little did I know when I woke up hung over and in a fog, Wednesday, May 27, 1987, what this day would hold for me. What I did know is that it would not be a normal day, nor a comfortable day. I could not have known, foreseen, or imagined how important this day would end up being in my life. The challenge for me was that I had an appointment with a counselor who was going to evaluate me on behalf of the New York State Department of Transportation’s “Drinking and Driving” program to determine if I fit their profile of an alcoholic.
My task was to see to it that I did not meet their criteria for an alcoholic, by any means necessary. You see, I knew I had a drinking problem, but I could not let someone else tell me this. I had been defending myself against these allegations for a few years, mainly from my family. I had to be right, and being right meant I had to lie. And on this day, I had to convince a professional that I was simply a recreational user, so I needed to put my best foot forward.
I was well aware of this 9 am appointment in advance. I made the appointment myself, and my family took it upon themselves to remind me of it. They also warned me that going out to the bar after work that night (like I did every night) was not a good idea. I begged to differ. So I went out as I usually did; and to this day, I could not tell you what I did, how much I drank, or who I was with that night. I believe I must have blacked out very early.
I was mandated to the New York State “Drinking and Driving” program due to a DUI I had been convicted of roughly six months prior. At the time of my arrest, I was 20 years old, not of legal age to drink in New York. I had to go to a special class one day per week for 10 weeks to learn about the dangers of drinking and driving. Part of the curriculum of this class was a psychological test that was designed to determine the potential for alcoholism. The questions on this test seemed very normal to me, so I did my best to answer them as a “non-alcoholic” would answer.
Feeling pretty good about my ability to get over on the system, I was shocked and angered to find out I did not “pass” this test. I was told that I was at high risk for alcoholism based upon some of my answers. One of the answers that I got “wrong” was to the following question: Do you have night sweats? Well, I am a smart guy and I know that everyone sweats, so I answered yes. Now, apparently this was a trick question…. How in hell did they know that I would wake up in the morning and there would be a soaking wet imprint of me on my sheets? Apparently not everyone sweats profusely at night! Who knew?
So now here it is, the morning of this looming appointment. I am hung over. My parents (who are not drinkers) are shocked that I would take such little care of myself prior to this appointment. On this night, they had been waiting for me to get home, as they sometimes did, most likely in fear that I would not make it home. This night was much like the rest; I staggered through the door sometime around 4:30 am. I do not recall what, if any, interaction took place at that time. After getting about three hours of sleep, my parents awoke me to get ready for my appointment.
My father drove me to the place where I was to have my session, probably because they wanted to make sure I went through with it, but also because I was likely still intoxicated from the night I had just spent drinking. There was also a “higher” reason for him to be there, which will be revealed to you shortly.
I remember what happened next as if it happened just this morning. The details are surprisingly sharp in my mind even though it is almost 26 years later. I walked up to the receptions area and announced who I was and who I was there to see. The receptionist looked through the appointment book and turned a few pages. She asked me again who I was there to see and what my name was. She asked me to wait there for a minute while she checked with the counselor. When the receptionist returned, she stated very bluntly that the reason she did not have me on her list for that day was because my appointment was scheduled a week prior. I had missed my scheduled appointment!
My mind went suddenly blank and my heart sank to my stomach. I turned to my father and spoke the words that would set in motion the most profound change my young life had experienced, “Dad, I am ready to go to rehab.” This request had come from “out of the blue” as I had been battling with my parents about my drinking and their desire for me to get help. I had steadfastly denied any problem, using the old adage, “I can quit anytime I want.”
“Dad, I am ready to go to rehab.”
For me to ask for help at that moment in time was, in my opinion, a Divine intervention. I had not considered making such a change in my life at any time. I was valued in my workplace even though my employer knew full well what my lifestyle was. I also enjoyed my job very much and was in fear that being away for a week, or, God forbid, a month, may jeopardize my employment.
Hitting bottom for me came as a surprise. Speaking the words “I am ready” came out of my body as if a spirit guide had thrust itself into the physical realm and did for me what I could not do for myself. This is the moment of pure creation that I am so incredibly grateful for till this day.
I had no idea at the time what I was getting myself into. I had heard about rehabs, and I had even attended a few minutes of an AA meeting once because a friend of mine had been mandated by the Courts to go. I really did not know much more about where I was heading and how profoundly my life would change. What I did know is that I was tired, and I was feeling like I had quite possibly made a mistake that New York State might have punished me for. For the first time, I was afraid that I had become exactly what most everyone who knew me knew I was: an addict.
I shared this story with you here to show the depth of where I was at in my life at the age of 21. Everybody’s bottom is different; and for some, the bottom is death of their physical body. My bottom may be considered by some to be a “shallow” bottom. What this means is that I did not lose much in the way of material possessions. I didn’t completely alienate my family and friends. I was not living on the streets, begging for money so that I could pay for my drug of choice.
I was at the place that was perfect for me to transition my life path. My soul gave me the exact right situation, with the exact perfect people, in the one place and time that I would be able to make the choice to change. Nothing happens in this world by coincidence. And for me, it is very clear that my story can make a difference in the lives of other people suffering with the pain of addiction.
I will be sharing with you in this series of blogs what the first year of recovery was like for me. Although we all have our own path to freedom, I believe there are some very important decisions that enabled me to remain substance-free through the trials and tribulations of early recovery. So stay tuned to learn more about me through my experience of getting clean and staying sober. I thank you for being here to read this and hope that these words of my personal journey to recovery may inspire you or someone you know to make that hard choice to move into the unknown.
The next article will describe my seven days in the detoxification ward of the Ellenville New York Hospital.
(Kevin McCormack, C.A.d, is a certified addictions professional, as well as a Conversations with God Life Coach, and a Spiritual helper on www.changingchange.net. You can visit his website for more information at www.Kevin-Spiritualmentor.com To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@theglobalconversation.com)
The most generally accepted definition of addiction in the treatment and medical community is “continued use in spite of negative consequences.” The reason this designation has been given is to point out the leading indicator of those suffering with the addictive behaviors and compulsive disorders; and that is denial. It is my intention in this article to point out negative consequences of the different types of addictive behaviors and compulsive disorders. In doing so, this gives us the opportunity to examine our own actions, as well as heighten our awareness of those around us.
There are certainly different levels of addictions; we have used the term in this column “soft addictions” and “hard addictions.” The consequences for the hard addictions have wide-sweeping impacts. The families, employers, co-workers, and many times innocent bystanders get caught in the dragnet of hard addictions. Try finding somebody who hasn’t been in some way affected by addiction, then let me know when you find one.
Soft addictions, however, the consequences are mainly directed at the person in question. Typically, the soft-addictions person appears to have life pretty much all together. This person may simply being addicted to being lazy. They will sit around every chance they get, doing very little physical exercise, if any. Their body over time begins to suffer the negative fallout and breaks down earlier than it should. Sloth is a very common form of dependence that typically goes untreated.
With the computer age well in hand, obsessive and compulsive use of the internet and our wireless devices has taken over the lives of many. I have already written a blog on this called “Beyond the Big Five.” The typical results from seeking the brain reward chemicals from our electronics is that we become very removed from social interaction. The instant gratification we receive temporarily relieves the need for companionship. Like all addictions, however, our tolerance grows and we seek more and more gratification from the virtual reality we have created.
Food addiction is a very complicated subject, and even more complicated to evaluate. There are those for whom food takes on the form of a hard addiction. For some, it is clear that the negative consequences of obesity signals the need for treatment; however, many of us can have less damaging addictive traits surrounding our food. I have noticed in my life that when I overindulge in sugars, that my mental and spiritual connection are diminished. This is clearly a negative consequence in my life, yet some days I will still partake in this behavior. Although the softer food addiction still has many adverse effects on our lives, they are nonetheless obstacles to experiencing joy in its fullest form.
The sex addict who fathers eight children with eight different women, all the while being married to the same person over the entire time, is suffering the consequences of addiction and at the same time causing a giant ripple of destruction in the lives of all the people involved. The “hot” school teacher who knows full well that having any relationship with a student, let alone a sexual one, and proceeds to do so without regard for “what is true,” will experience the wrath of negative consequences sooner or later. We have seen this countless times, so much so that we don’t even seem to be upset by it anymore, unless of course the teacher isn’t “hot” or a female.
The “lighter” side of sex addiction is pornography. This, very much like the internet addiction, is a compulsion of solitude. The effect this has on a person can be seen in their outward body, as well as their social interaction. Any meaningful relationship becomes compromised at some point. Trust boundaries are trampled on and self-esteem issues abound for those involved with the porn addict. Without treatment, this person ends up leading a very lonely life.
As with all addictions and compulsive disorders, denial is the obstacle to recovery. In many cases, not only is the addict in denial, but the family members will be as well. Our society has one major addiction that most of us indulge in, that is the reliance upon a belief that we don’t need help from anyone. “We can do it ourselves” we say, without having the first clue where to turn.
The definition of denial is the refusal to accept what is true. Truth as we all know comes in many flavors. The truth we are talking about here is what is observably true. It is fairly safe to say that given the information in today’s society, if a person gets caught driving while intoxicated one time. they made a huge mistake and showed terrible judgment. If that same person then repeats that behavior and has a second offense, they have crossed the line into addiction. The non-addicted person who gets a DUI never makes that mistake again.
“The truth will set you free” it is said, and recovery from all types of addiction require it. We must tell truth about our self to our self We then should tell the truth to our self about someone else. Once we get to this point, we will then be willing to tell the truth about our self to another. When we get to a higher place of evolution, we will begin to tell the truth about another to that other, and this is service to humanity. At this point, we begin to tell the truth to everyone about everything. This is how the world evolves. This is how we create peace on earth and goodwill towards men.
(Kevin McCormack is a Conversations with God Life Coach, a Spiritual helper on www.changingchange.net, and an Addictions recovery advisor. You can visit his website for more information at www.Kevin-Spiritualmentor.com To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@theglobalconversation.com)
