relationship
Thank you, God, for the moments when I do not know who I am, because they are the times in my life which allow me to re-experience that remembrance over and over and over again, each time in a new and profound way.
Thank you, God, for the people who challenge and push me, the individuals whose presence in my life feels abrasive or antagonistic. These are the relationships which provide me the opportunity to choose from and then experience the broad spectrum of thoughts, feelings, and emotions which are available to me and which have been created for me.
Thank you, God, for that space between what once was and what is yet to be, the pause between my choices, the interlude between the scenes of my life. I have come to know that what sometimes appears to be a lull, a barren space of nothingness , is actually the sweetest and most bountiful place to be, a space which quietly presents to me the infinite number of possibilities.
Thank you, God, for the children in my life who invite me to sit on the floor, barefoot, and just play from the center of my heart, offering me a gentle reprieve from the less flexible rules of my mind. I feel especially grateful for the souls who dance in the bodies of children, those who remind me to sing, to laugh, and to stop taking everything so gosh darn serious all the time.
I am sharing my own personal daily gratitudes with you today because I believe that if we can begin to acknowledge the gifts offered to us in all the happenings of our lives, those we judge as “good” and those we judge as “bad,” then we will have truly begun to live.
Aren’t all aspects of life living?
Aren’t all moments momentous?
Aren’t all events eventful?
Doesn’t each moment of our life serve to define our purpose? While we search and seek for the all-encompassing purpose in our life, that grand realization of who we truly are, could it be possible that we have infinite purposes and that we are experiencing our purpose over and over and over again as we move through the events and relationships we encounter in life?
What are you feeling especially grateful for today? Is there something taking place in your life right now which is creating some very real challenges for you? Is there a piece of your past that continues to write itself into the scenes of your play, something that if you were able to recognize and honor even one tiny gift that has been bestowed upon you through that experience may have the potential to change everything?
Will you join me in thanking God for the moments when we do not know who we are because they are the times in our lives which allow us to re-experience that remembrance over and over and over again, each time in a new and profound way?
(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
I recently had a conversation with a very dear friend about what could possibly be one of humanity’s most perplexing and misunderstood relationships: our relationship with money. This particular friend of mine was noticing how every time she dreamt up new and exciting ways to draw more money into her life, she found herself experiencing abrupt roadblocks being constructed in the pathway to that effortless flow of financial abundance that she continues to witness others experiencing with seemingly much more ease.
Confused by more questions in her life than answers, she asked God: “What the heck is going on here?”
She is doing what she loves. She is being who she knows herself to be. She is creative and passionate and has a heart called to serve and help others. She gives of herself openly and lovingly and asks for very little, if anything, in return from anyone.
So why does the experience of financial prosperity continue to mock someone who is doing all the “right” things in their world?
Then the answer revealed itself in the very next question from my sweet, wonderful friend: “Is it bad or “wrong” for me to want to make money?”
Ah, the sponsoring thought. The underlying trap.
Somewhere along the line, money has gotten a really bad rap. We have been taught to desire it and despise it in almost equal measure. Intimate relationships, friendships, and families have been torn apart over money, both in situations of lack and in situations of plenty. Basketball players and movie stars make copious amounts of money. Teachers and social workers barely make enough to pay their basic household bills. And then there are those who have a deep desire to “make a living” in the spiritual community, those who consider themselves to be key players in the New Spirituality movement, who abruptly discover that they fall into a category for which many believe they simply should not get paid at all.
If we want to take a ride on the “abundance superhighway,” we must change our views about money and refuel ourselves with the energy that flows and radiates deep beneath the obvious paper and coins we hold in our hands or deposit in our bank accounts. One of the quickest and surest ways to experience the magnificence of our own abundance is to give to another that which we believe ourselves to be lacking; and in doing so, what we are then allowed to discover about ourselves is that we are already plentiful in what we imagined ourselves to not have. And not only are we given an opportunity to experience already having it, but we are given the opportunity to experience it to the degree that we actually have enough to give away. This is just one of the many extraordinary concepts offered to us from the Conversations with God material.
If we change our belief about money, how might that change our experience of money?
If our experience of money is changed, might we be given the opportunity to experience our abundance in a new way, in a way that has nothing to do with money at all?
And if our natural state of abundance has nothing to do with money at all, what does it have to do with?
I love money.
I love receiving it. I love giving it away. And it has been my personal experience at numerous points in time in my life that I can live quite contently without having much of it at all. I have never been someone who has had what one would call a “lot” of money. And I solemnly recognize the disproportionate number of people in the world who are barely getting by in their day-to-day lives with the amount of financial resources they have available to them compared to the tightly guarded segment of our population who holds and controls the vast percentage of our world’s wealth and resources. It is my hope and my vision that one day that model of our world will change. But in order to reach that stage in our evolution, we must reflect upon and restructure some of our most basic and fundamental underlying beliefs not only about money, but about who we are and about why we are even here in the first place.
Where do we begin? What can one person do?
Perhaps we all can throw an extra dollar or two onto the tip for our next waitress. Maybe we actually do have enough time and money to pull into that youth group’s car wash on the corner. Might we allow ourselves to share 3 or 4 or 5 dollars with the homeless man or woman on the corner without worrying about how they spend it or why they are there to begin with? What would happen if we bought our groceries from the local Mom-and-Pop store in our community, where the prices might be slightly higher, but the service is extraordinary? Would we really miss the extra few dollars and cents in the long run?
I’m just wondering…
(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
Part 2: Simply Together
In the past months, we have focused an immense amount of energy and attention onto the evolution and growth of the conscious self. But as we have been growing in the ‘inside world’, we also begin to emerge into the ‘outside world’. Filled with the intricate and elaborate webs of connections, networks, and relationships, understanding the myriad topics of the ‘outside world’ is its own colossal challenge.
In the ‘outside world’, the concept of ‘being together’ continues to be one its most intriguing topics. And, from anybody who first enters a dating relationship, ‘being together’ is a wonderful feeling. And it is little surprise why.
Simply stated, ‘being together’ means ‘being together’. In the triage of our states of being – Be, Do, Have – being is the highest expression. And when it is with the presence of another, the feeling only gets exponentiated. Presence, both in time and location, is truly crucial for living in the depth and beauty of the Now. being present together can enhance not only the status of the relationship, but also the individual self. On the level of the mind, the body, and the spirit, the self is enhanced by the extra presence in the following ways:
-On the most basic level, the body’s physical reactions to another significant presence create an entirely different reaction. Sometimes by the mere presence of another in a stable relationship can cause the body to relax and to release its stressful buildups. By being in the state of being, physical wellness can be experienced in all seven chakras.
-On the level of the mind, the psychology of being together is also very transformative. In the association of another, the ego’s self-centeredness loses its grasp. Knowing that there is more than just the single mind, the ego’s self-importance diminishes, as it becomes less and less about the self, and more and more about sharing thoughts, feelings, and ideas.
-On the deeper spiritual level, this is the highest state you can be with another. It means fully enjoying the presence of another at the highest level possible. When being conscious of another presence, the energy linking thoughts and feelings meld into unity. Being aware is truly the core of wellness and oneness, and being aware together, can only accelerate that process.
As the state of being together can be extremely fulfilling, the states of having together and doing together can be a little less enjoyable. Having a relationship means that the relationship itself must be constantly maintained to keep the relationship alive. By fixating on the material means of a relationship (such that it is something to have), it becomes less and less about enjoying the other person’s presence and more and more about the angst, bitterness, and jealously that normally fills a soap opera drama. Furthermore, doing things in a relationship can also be just as unfulfilling, as the couple is relying on external events, such as movies, concerts, and expensive meals, to provide their sense of happiness with each other. Though it is a great to go out to events and do things in your relationship, it can possibly also lead to emptiness when doing those things becomes overdone or overrated.
Being present together, absorbing and emitting a shared energy, is one of the most creative forces of the universe. Living in the sense of unity, peace, and oneness, from beyond the individual and towards the collective, is root of change on the external plane. When we bring the same ‘beingness’ in ALL of our relationships (not just dating relationships), we bring that same creative energy into every interaction and connection we have. So, understanding, experiencing, and knowing beingness, from the shared presence to the collective presence, is what relationships ARE truly about. So just be in a relationship. Nothing more, nothing less. That’s all you need.
(Lauren is a Feature Editor of The Global Conversation. She lives in Wood Dale, IL, and can be reached at Lauren@TheGlobalConversation.com)
How many of us are holding back in our relationships? Who among us is restricting their growth potential or avoiding a change in their career? Let’s see a show of hands from those of us who in some way, shape, or form are limiting ourselves in some aspect of our lives because we are afraid. Yes, I have to admit that my hand has slowly crept up, too.
Afraid of rejection?
Afraid of being hurt?
Afraid of being hurt again?
Afraid of being hurt even again?
Afraid of not being good enough or pretty enough or smart enough or sexy enough?
There seems to me to be a curious double standard when it comes to fear. Human beings have clearly demonstrated time and time again that we actually are not afraid of fear. In so many ways, we are fear-seekers. Just ask the rollercoaster-riders, the bungee-jumpers, the race car drivers, the tight-rope walkers, the lion-tamers, the deep-sea divers, the skyscraper window cleaners, and those who have left the boundaries of earth’s atmosphere to explore what exists beyond this planet we call home. Heck, even I welcomed fear into my life with open arms recently when I zip-lined five stories over a swampy pond filled with giant alligators.
It would appear that in those specific instances, fear actually propels us into our greatness, thrusting us into our highest potential. We desire the rush of danger. We crave the surge of vulnerability. We embrace the feelings of uncertainty. We know there are no guarantees…and we do it anyway.
So why do we not apply that same powerful field of energy when it comes to matters of the heart and soul? Why do we suddenly “need” the guarantee? Why do we suddenly “require” the certainty of a sure thing? Why do we only clear the pathway to our heart when we feel convinced that it is “safe” to do so?
In the meantime, while we are waiting for those assurances, we are not only denying ourselves the gift of those around us, we are denying those around us the gift of us. Fear-based thinking causes us to live small and live prudent, shrinking into an existence of believing we can shield ourselves from our imagined fears by cocooning ourselves in layers of imagined protection.
Imagine if Martin Luther King, Jr., thought, “I have a dream, but I am simply too scared to share it with the people of the world.”
Imagine if Rosa Parks thought, “I do not want to give up my seat on this bus because of the color of my skin, but I am too afraid not to.”
Imagine if Neale Donald Walsch thought, “I had an extraordinary conversation with God, but I’m too afraid to share it with the world for fear of how it or I will be received.”
If any one of those people had listened to and acted upon that voice of fear, we wouldn’t be having this conversation right here, right now. But these are the risk-takers. These are the people who looked fear squarely and confidently and gently in the eye, blessed its presence in their lives, and did it anyway.
And what exactly is the difference between these three individuals and us? What do they have that perhaps you or I do not?
Nothing, except a deep-seated understanding that no matter what happens, no matter how the chips may fall or in which direction the events of our lives take us, we have nothing to lose. The guarantee that life gives to us is that we simply cannot fail. The only “loss” we can experience is the one we personally create in our individual reality when we do not place ourselves fully in the game, the type of loss that prevents us from not only knowing who we really are, but actually experiencing who we are.
“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.”
Conversations with God
(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
Some people are quite surprised, and many gasp with disbelief, when they hear the story of how my husband and I both completely forgot our one-year anniversary. I know, it sounds semi-plausible that perhaps one of us might overlook such an important milestone in our relationship, but both of us forgetting altogether seems rather comical, a nearly an impossible idea to believe.
This unusual blunder does not stem from a lack of caring, nor does it reflect some level of mutual apathy towards our partnership. You see, it truly is, rather, that our relationship has not demonstrated itself as yearning to be measured or defined within the parameters of time. Measuring or gauging our relationship in terms of days or months or years, while it does hold sentimental enjoyment for us to reflect upon, has never been the focus or intent of our partnership.
Neither is the expectation of our relationship to be in a constant state of blissful agreement. We understand deeply, although we sometimes forget, that at times our Souls will yearn for different experiences, and that the richness of our partnership is not determined by only those moments in which we see eye to eye. And even on those occasions when life has called upon us to experience contrast, or when we have stepped off the path of remembrance, forgetting who we are, the sanctity of our holy union has always been held in the palm of tenderness, compassion, and understanding.
Sure, we disagree about some of the day-to-day tasks in life — taking out the trash and cleaning the kitchen, which television program to watch in the evening, selecting the appropriate temperature setting in our home, dirty socks on the floor, etc. And at times we find ourselves on opposite sides of issues which carry much more importance in our lives, and the lives of others. But the one thing that we do not waiver on, ever, is our understanding of and commitment to the partnership of our souls and the mutual desire and devotion to each other’s experience of and communion with God.
And the experience of communion with God is not something forever lost in days gone by, nor is it something that we can only hope and wish for in the moments of tomorrow. It is for us to experience right here, right now. It doesn’t magically happen at a 1-year anniversary or a 10-year anniversary or a 50-year anniversary, nor does it happen with only one person. It happens the moment you choose for it happen. It happens as often as you desire for it to happen. And it happens with whomever you choose for it to happen with. Because, quite simply, it is always happening. Sometimes we just have to peel back the layers of what we think we see to be able to experience what is really there.
Perhaps now more than ever before, relationships are stretched and challenged by the push and pull of the demands of a fast-paced world. It seems to me that so many of us are forgetting, rather than remembering, the purpose for which we exist in each other’s lives. Maybe these very words will cause one or two or three people to pause and think about what that reason might be, maybe even for the very first time. It is never too late. You are never too old, too poor, too sick, too busy, too tired, or too anything to make a change in your relationships and create your life anew.
(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
Part One: I’ll Tell You What I Want!!
Oh My God. He just broke up with her after three months! She’s already got a new boyfriend! He’s just as moody as Robert Pattison! Now they’re back together again! Aww…they’re celebrating their fourth month together!
If this drama sounds familiar to you, then you are a teenager. With over 89% of teens claiming to be dating or have dated, it seems as if no one is safe from the drama of relationships. Call it angst, anguish, or agony, for all seem to have described the state of most teenage couples. So, why is there so much unnecessary drama within relationships? Why does it seem that there is no easy way?
Well teens of the world, I have good news for you:
There is an easier way.
I know, it’s shocking, so I will say it again. There is an easier way. There is a way to be with your boyfriend/girlfriend without pain, without guilt, and certainly without suffering from either party. It may take an entire series to explain, but it can be done.
When looking at relationships, it is very easy to know that they “have gone wrong.” Unfortunately, what’s not as easy is to know where things went wrong and why things went wrong. To solve this problem, we have to go back to square one: our own intentions.
So right now, with whatever relationship you are in (or wish to be in), ask yourself the following question:
What do I want from this relationship?
Don’t worry, there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ answer; it’s all based on your personal desires. In the most general sense, two people enter a relationship because they want something from the other person. This could be something physical, such as money, sex, or a yacht; something abstract, as in attention, security, or intimacy. Though this may sound very egotistical, but we must recognize our intentions. Whether the reason is mental, emotional, or even spiritual, we desire to have our needs satisfied.
As we begin to explore our own answers to this question, we understand the ‘why’ behind the relationship. Whether we are conscious of it or not, we form these expectations of what we want from the other person before the relationship begins, and even before we even know who the person is! When we form our ideas about the relationship, we set benchmarks for when we want our needs fulfilled. Even further, we judge the relationship as ‘failure’ or ‘success’ by the speed or capacity of our wants being fulfilled by that time!
For an exaggerated example, think that as if you wanted an increase in status in your relationship with the high school quarterback, you would expect to eat at the coolest table in the cafeteria by the end of the first month of the relationship. However, if after that first month you still only eat at the 4th coolest table in the cafeteria instead of the 1st, then your wants were not fulfilled in the right amount of time. Thus, because you didn’t advance socially as far as you wanted to, your relationship (and its purpose) was a ‘failure’. Now do you understand the drama?
Though it would be very easy to say that we still are ‘above this egotism’, we all still have intentions, and being conscious of our intentions is one of the most powerful tools that we can access. So, with a little self-reflection, we understand where we stand in our relationships. By recognizing our intentions for what they are, we can change them to fit our grandest version of the greatest vision of Who We Are. If you have answered this question and are displeased with your answers, then it is very possible and very easy to simply have your desires rooted in a higher intention. If you realized that your desires had more to do with having then being, then just transform your intent to ‘know unconditional love’ or ‘experience compassion’.
After understanding our own intentions, we also have to recognize our boyfriend/girlfriend’s intentions as well. Identifying their wants, and having a REAL conversation about what they are, is essential in any healthy relationship. With this recognition, we can decide how to live out both intentions in a harmonious matter. By being ‘attuned’ to each other, we can be ‘in tune’ with each other. IF we decide to. This leads us to our other fundamental relationship question:
What do I choose to be in this relationship?
As always, the importance of Be Do Have influences everything, including our teenage love sagas. Understanding right from the beginning what you choose to be in the relationship WILL make life easier. Choosing to be compassion, empathy, joy, are all options. Your call. Your choice. Your happy ending.
(Lauren is a Feature Editor of The Global Conversation. She lives in Wood Dale, IL, and can be reached at Lauren@TheGlobalConversation.com)
The world is constantly changing. There is never a moment it is not changing. The universal question is not whether change will occur, but rather what kind of change do we desire?
We here at The Global Conversation have placed ourselves at the forefront of a gentle but powerful spiritual movement to revolutionize the evolution of our planet and all the people who share this Holy Land by collectively orchestrating the kind of change Humanity is visibly yearning for. It is an exciting time for all of us as we are being given an extraordinary opportunity to experience the ability to transform our experience here on earth by stepping into the power of our own creativeness.
This is also the perfect time for us to take a look at how we can also apply these same larger-scale perspectives and changes to the individual one-on-one relationships we enter into with our spouses and partners on a daily basis. While it may appear at times that we are making very little progress, if any, as a society in redefining our relationships, when we step back and look at the larger picture, there have been noticeable shifts over the years in the way we have come to interrelate with each other personally and intimately. But we still have work to do.
In a world where half of the population is dissolving their marriages and another large segment of the population who desires to be married is being told they cannot, we have engineered relationship gridlock. What we have declared to be the “right” way to be in relationship is demonstrating itself to be “wrong” in the sense that it is not working for half the population. The box we have constructed to house our relationships has been erected with faulty materials — distorted thoughts, judged past data, imagined truths – and it simply can no longer be relied upon as the formula we use to regulate or govern that aspect of who we are.
The time has come for us to revolutionize our relationships — the way we enter into them, the way we engage in them, and even the way we depart from them.
The time has come for us to end our search for someone to come into our lives, and rather begin placing ourselves intentionally into the lives of others.
The time has come for us to remember that there will be times when our Souls yearn for different experiences, and that the richness of our partnership is not determined by only those moments in which we see eye to eye.
The time has come for us to understand that even on those occasions when life has called upon us to experience contrast, or when we have stepped off the path of remembrance, forgetting who we are, that these are moments, most of all, for us to hold the sanctity of our relationships in the palm of tenderness and compassion.
The time has come for us to be mindful of and know when it is time to simply create a gentle, loving, quiet space which allow others to shine so that they may experience their highest selves.
And perhaps most importantly, the time has come for us, in the process of reshaping and restructuring our relationship framework, to reshape and restructure our beliefs about God, replacing old ideas with new, opening our hearts and expanding our consciousness, and recognizing that the way we behold God is the way we ultimately behold each other.
I part with a wonderful quote by Maya Angelou which says, “When you know better, you do better.”
Isn’t it time for us to do better?
(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
“Every act is an act of self-definition.”
If I hold this concept as true – and I do — who am I defining myself as if, when I engage in the seemingly simple exercise of selecting which articles of clothing to wear for the day, I choose to outfit myself with a t-shirt which displays a large rebel flag boldly front and center on my body?
Brad Paisley, in his new song called “Accidental Racist,” is asking us to believe that people who don large rebel flags on their chests do so because it is an announcement of their affinity for the southern rock band Lynyrd Skynyrd, and not because it symbolizes one of the largest examples of oppression, hatred, and racism towards an entire race of human beings.
Paisley’s recently released song has ignited a firestorm of controversy surrounding his attempt to address racism and whether his efforts were ill-intended or well-intentioned, whether it was a desperate grab for publicity or whether it was a sincere effort to soothe and heal some deep, painful wounds from the past.
The Confederate flag is one of the few symbols today that is both hated and loved, both vehemently denounced and proudly defended, both strongly resisted and loyally embraced. Of course, the flag in and of itself – the type of fabric, the colors and design — holds no particular meaning, as does anything in life. It is merely a construct of a variety of materials. Rather it is the meaning that we place upon it, the value that we give to it, that produces our experience of it.
Nothing in life has meaning, save the meaning we give to it.
The Confederate flag is only one example of what happens when segments of society cling unbendingly to external symbols that reflect an ideology or a belief system which, when held as absolute truth, serve to divide rather than unite. It would not be difficult to list more ways we humans do this. But I think the more important inquiry here becomes, if we have any interest at all in creating the kind of world which produces the outcomes we all say we desire, what are we willing to do differently? How are we going to redefine the ways we relate to and with each other? If we know that our actions could be easily and largely confused to mean something different than what our purest intentions are, why are we continuing to make that choice?
The title of Brad Paisley’s song plainly implies that the existing fallout of racism from those that came before us is “accidental,” that he should not be held responsible for his predecessors’ actions, nor are we able to re-write history.
Personally, I find myself only being able to accept those two statements if the person declaring them is not making choices and engaging in actions that continue to resurrect, perpetuate, and carry forward the same energy which created the historical events giving rise to and sustaining experiences of racism in the first place. We may not be able to “re-write history,” but what we are able to do is author a New Story.
And this is the opportunity we have placed before us: to decide, to declare, and to announce to the world this New Story which carries with it a New Awareness and a New Way of being in relationship with each other. We have the option of continuing to embrace an accidental life of random occurrences — a life which is happening to us – or we have the opportunity to embrace a life of creation and intention – a life which is happening through us — one which reflects our ability to see with transparency the perfection within each other, one which produces an experience of interconnectedness simultaneously existing within our diversity, one which replaces thoughts of separatism with feelings of Oneness.
Mr. Paisley himself makes the declaration at the end of his song that he is a “son of the new south.” I wonder if abandoning the choice to wear a symbol that is likely, or even holds the slightest possibility, to be construed as a statement of superiority, intolerance, and separation is included as part of his “new” story?
Every act is an act of self-definition.
(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
Yes, it is almost here again, Valentine’s Day. The arrival of this “Day of Love” can produce a broad spectrum of experiences for those who are touched by it. For some it will glide in on the wings of new-found love and breathtaking romance. For others it will simply not arrive at all – or at least not in the way it is desired. Either way, has Valentine’s Day evolved into just another holiday which places the focus of what it is we all imagine ourselves to desire in a relationship firmly in the thoughts, choices, and actions of another? Will he buy me flowers? Maybe he will shower me with expensive jewelry or escort me to the finest restaurant in town? Perhaps she will have sex with me? Will I even be the recipient of a thoughtful card?
But what happens when the thoughts, choices, and actions of another on this particular day fall short of what we are hoping to experience? Is Valentine’s Day truly a day of love, a celebration of partnership, a reminder of our unity? Or rather, is it just another day of consumerism, the perfect setup for unrealistic expectations, and perhaps more divisive than cohesive when it comes to moving forward in our partnerships?
Are we so attached to the external shiny objects that are dangled in front of our senses on this day – the flowers, the candy, the jewelry, the food, the sex, the presents, the promises – that we lose sight and stray off of the path that will truly lead us to the experience of joy, happiness, and love in our relationships?
Don’t get me wrong. I am not a prude. And I love romance – hey, I am the “Romance & Relationship” columnist after all! But I have found myself on the receiving end of feeling disappointed on Valentine’s Day for not receiving a card or a gift and constructing some pretty harsh judgments around that, placing myself in a position of asking myself, “What is that about?” Especially when that particular person never let a moment go by where his love and presence were not wholly known and deeply felt in ways that transcended the potential of any material expression.
If God does not want or need anything from me, why do I place those expectations upon the person with whom I share my life’s journey? Could it be that somewhere along the line I was taught and then adopted the idea that love was measured in direct proportion to that which I was either giving or receiving? The more you give me, the more you love me? The more I receive, the more I am loved?
And if that is not the case, then how DO we express this thing called “love”?
How do we express that which is so profound and so complex and so seemingly “unexpressable” in our limited human capacity?
My life has demonstrated to me that the answer to that question is foundationed in first understanding and living each moment of your life in full awareness of the Agenda of your Soul, and understanding that the people with whom we share a relationship also have a Soul Agenda — whether they are aware of it or not.
But what does the Agenda of my Soul have to do with Valentine’s Day? Or my partnership? Or anything I do, for that matter?
It has everything to do with not only those things, but each and every choice I make and the entire purpose of my life. If I am clear on the Agenda of my Soul — or at least recognize that I have one — and when my partner, too, is living in alignment with his Soul’s Agenda, then our love, our companionship, our presence in each other’s life becomes an expression of that purpose and that intention, creating moment after moment of experiencing our communion with God and Unity with each other, reaching completion of that which we are here to experience…Over and Over and Over again…knowing ourselves as Soulmates and remembering who we really are.
I could be wrong. It could really about the chocolates and the lingerie and the sappy cards. I could measure the extent of my spouse’s love and commitment against the value of the gifts he may – or may not – give to me. I could hinge the purpose of our relationship upon a single day, in single a year, and what I “get” out of it.
But I don’t think so.
I sense that it is much, much larger than that. I may happen to receive a sweet card or some exotic flowers or perhaps go out for a romantic dinner on Valentine’s Day. Or I may not. Either way, I am very clear on one thing: my Soul will not yearn for more or less than the perfect experience of being exactly who I already know myself to be: LOVE.
(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
It was recently brought to my attention that my driver’s license had expired and that I had been driving around town “illegally” for over two weeks. This troubled me, of course, because I immediately thought for sure Murphy’s Law would pay me a visit and I would, for the first time in years and years, now ironically get stopped by the police for a moving violation or a broken taillight or, worse yet, maybe find myself involved in an automobile accident, my expired license only adding to my misfortune. Yes, I was frantically writing my own best-selling “what if” story.
But my mind was also busy imagining a situation that perhaps, at least more immediately, was even worse than that — the dreaded thought of having to make an early Monday morning visit to the Department of Motor Vehicles to renew my lapsed license. Oh, just the thought of waiting in those long lines, only to be served by overly tired, underpaid, and under-appreciated government employees who spend long dreary days in a gray office with no windows, determined to suck all of us into their miserable lair. Thought by thought, I was erecting giant walls of resistance around me.
So I came up with a plan. I would be the very first one in line! That way I will avoid those long painful lines and maybe find myself fortunate enough to be served by someone at the DMV who hadn’t yet been worn down and numbed by a full day of monotony. Yes! That is what decided to do. So I smugly arrived at the DMV at 7:45 a.m., knowing they opened at 8:30 a.m., and feeling confident that I would be the first to arrive.
Except I wasn’t. I was not the first person in line. I was the second person in line.
And this is when I met Bob.
Bob is an 82-year-old gentleman who, like me, came to the DMV office to renew his driver’s license. But it did not take long for me to experience the “real” reason Bob was there.
Bob was there for me.
This soft-spoken, kind man, with a smile that extended into his eyes, thought that the driver’s license office opened at 8:00, only to discover that he now had 45 minutes to wait outside on the unforgiving hard sidewalk, with nowhere to sit, nowhere to rest his frail legs. But what he did have is someone to talk to, to share his life with, to laugh with, to be present with, someone who understood the much, much larger reason for his “mistake” in thinking the DMV opened at 8:00 and someone who also now understood the underlying purpose in my premeditated “plan” to beat the crowd.
I was there for Bob.
In those precious 45 minutes, I learned from Bob that he said goodbye to his life-long companion just six short months ago. And he misses her dearly. I could feel his sadness and deep love for her. I knew that Bob was experiencing her presence just by having someone to share her memory with, that her essence was alive and very real in our interaction with each other, and I was honored and profoundly touched to be chosen as a surrogate with whom Bob could once again experience her love and grace.
I learned from Bob that he wobbles when he walks sometimes. But he says he does not think of or label this as “stumbling” or “wobbling.” Bob says he is dancing. And in our short time together, Bob danced a lot. I wonder if in some of these seemingly unsteady moments his soul is engaging in a breathtaking waltz with his beautiful wife?
I learned from Bob that even though he is no longer able to travel around the country in his motor home as he once did with his Beloved Other, there is a wonderful channel on his Dish network that shows beautiful scenery from around the world — majestic mountains, tranquil beaches, and colorful fields of flowers. And if you get up really early in the morning, at 4:00 a.m., as he does, you can watch that program and “feel like you are right there. ” And “if you are a believer,” as Bob offered to me, “they even scroll some scripture across the bottom,” to which he gently and thoughtfully added, “if you want that.”
I learned from Bob that even though his life partner has continued on in her soul’s journey, he still greets each new dawn with purpose and appreciation. While he oftentimes yearns for the physical presence of his wife, he understands that he still has soul work to do and a life to live and experience – and he has decided to show up in his own life with humor, kindness, and intention.
There was a point in my life, not too very long ago, when I would have missed entirely the enormous gift being presented within this relationship and within this experience. There may have even been a time where I would have avoided this wonderful elderly gentleman altogether by inconspicuously burying my face in my phone or casually dismissing him with a polite smile. Boy, am I thankful I am not living in that space anymore.
My encounter with Bob is a reminder that what I think is going on isn’t always what is going on. My well-laid plan to beat the crowd at the DMV and to make sure that I avoided an uncomfortable personal experience had nothing to do with what I originally imagined. Bob and I had a soul agreement long before our bodies arrived at that particular location at that particular time and in that particular way.
How would our lives change if we viewed every person with whom we interacted as an intentional and purposeful gift? Have our souls chosen the people who are in our lives and those that are held within our next choice? Or are we just randomly bumping into each other? It is easy to view our own biological families and chosen partners and our children and friends as gifts. But what about the passers-by? What about the person next to you in line at the grocery store? What about the “overly tired, underpaid, and under-appreciated government employees who spend long dreary days in a gray office with no windows”?
We sometimes realize after-the-fact that something big, something of importance, something Divine has just taken place. But when we come to this same realization “in the moment” we are actually experiencing it, we can see the opportunity we are being given to remember a little bit more about who we are and why we are here, and we become powerful creators and flow-throughs of God’s love.
At 8:30 on the nose, the doors to the DMV opened and I followed Bob into the building. We parted ways to go to our respective service windows, immense feelings of gratitude welling up inside me. When I arrived to meet the person who would be assisting me that morning, the person to whom I had projected unfavorable predictions upon, the individual whose mere existence I was a short while ago resisting, I was warmly greeted with a radiant smile and a cheery, “Good morning! How may I help you today?” – and I immediately knew another opportunity was presenting itself to me.
(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com)
