relationships
If we each took some time to dig through the archives of our family’s vacation photos, I would imagine many of us would be able to find pictures of us with our children at the local zoo or perhaps spending the day at an aquarium or enjoying an afternoon at the circus. Kids and adults alike love to see animals and many are quite fond of watching them perform the unexpected trick or two, and big corporations know this and are more than willing to make those opportunities available to us for a steep price.
But somewhere underneath the giggle-producing spectacle and the collective “oohs” and “aahs” and beyond the neatly pressed pages which hold our treasured family photos lies an uncomfortably nagging question:
Is this the intended purpose for the animals that we share our planet with?
In a recent controversial documentary titled “Blackfish,” director Gabriela Cowperthwaite, a mother who once took her own children to Sea World on a regular basis to see the shows, raises some thought-provoking questions about the safety and humaneness of keeping killer whales in captivity over the past 39 years at the wildly popular theme park.
The events surrounding the death of Sea World trainer Dawn Brancheau in 2010, when a 12,000-pound orca whale pulled her underwater during a live performance, became the catalyst to Gabriela Cowperthwaite’s film “Blackfish.”
“I remember asking someone why an orca — a highly intelligent animal — would attack its trainer or essentially ‘bite the hand that feeds it.’ We sometimes hear of dogs mauling other people, but in these cases we don’t seem to hear about them attacking their masters. So why would America’s lovable Shamu turn against us? How could our entire collective childhood memories of this delightful water park be so morbidly wrong?”
In an interview with CNN, Cowperthwaite said, “My hope is that we take the “Blackfish” momentum and use it to help evolve us out of animals for entertainment. These silly marine park tricks are of no social, educational or conservational value. We advocate, instead, for captive killer whales to be retired into sea sanctuaries where they can live out the rest of their lives in a dignified, sustainable manner.”
Sea World has been critical of the film and released the following statement:
“Blackfish is billed as a documentary, but instead of a fair and balanced treatment of a complex subject, the film is inaccurate and misleading and, regrettably, exploits a tragedy that remains a source of deep pain for Dawn Brancheau’s family, friends and colleagues. To promote its bias that killer whales should not be maintained in a zoological setting, the film paints a distorted picture that withholds from viewers key facts about SeaWorld — among them, that SeaWorld is one of the world’s most respected zoological institutions, that SeaWorld rescues, rehabilitates and returns to the wild hundreds of wild animals every year, and that SeaWorld commits millions of dollars annually to conservation and scientific research. Perhaps most important, the film fails to mention SeaWorld’s commitment to the safety of its team members and guests and to the care and welfare of its animals, as demonstrated by the company’s continual refinement and improvement to its killer whale facilities, equipment and procedures both before and after the death of Dawn Brancheau.”
This story places before us an opportunity to talk about our relationships with these magnificent creatures and consider how we desire and choose to define that relationship. As I look around and watch humanity cage, maim, sell, slaughter, hunt, train, manipulate, mutilate, exploit, oppress, wear, and eat some of the most extraordinary life forms around us, I can’t help but wonder: Do we have this all “wrong”? Are we grossly misunderstanding the purpose of our furry, scaly, finned friends? And why have we give such names as “killer whale” to these beautifully majestic mammals who are simply doing what comes naturally to them?
Of course, there exists the possibility that the animals and mammals are here as supporting cast members, souls whose agenda is to simply play the role of “sacrificial lambs,” if you will, in the scenes of humanity’s play, existing for the common and highest good of all. But do animals even have souls? In one conversation I had recently, I was offered the matter-of-fact point of view that animals could not possibly have souls, pointing out that man was created superior to animals and that animals just simply cannot be equal with him, a belief system that some theologies hold to be true.
I suppose it is this level of thinking which creates a desire to capture and possess some of the most exotic and exquisite animals on earth and why we are also more than willing pay money, large sums of money, to people who are capitalizing off of their involuntary loss of freedom.
And while the possibility exists for anything to be true, I continue to return to that same uncomfortably nagging question:
Is this the intended purpose for the animals that we share our planet with?
And now I invite you to share your thoughts, your ideas, and your feelings about what may be one of our most misconstrued, yet most significant, relationships.
(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
I have been having some serious family issues lately, and, I admit, the sound must carry to the neighbors. I have a religious neighbor (we obviously have very different views and parenting styles) who, out of the blue, came up to tell me, in a condescending way, that they pray for us all the time. She is so judgmental! Now, if it someone were to say that to you, how would you respond in a shove it up your you-know-what, kindly kind of way??
Hillery in Montana
Dear Hillery,
Very simply, I would thank her for her kind thoughts. And tell her I can use all the kind thoughts I can get!
I would also not assume that she is without drama/trauma in her own life, so I might also tell her that I would keep her in my prayers as well.
You referred to how judgmental she is…let her judge. You are also judging her. There is a difference between noticing what is, and being judgmental, BTW. When there is a negative emotion that attaches itself to our perception of the other person, as opposed to the action, we have moved into judgment. It is natural to react to this emotion. It is also likely clear to her that you feel this way, and that you don’t think that her way is okay. So, the cycle of judgment keeps going on and on.
But you can stop that cycle, Hillery, simply by noticing what you are doing, noticing that she is doing the best she can, and change your mind about her. How? Just take what she really means, (that she knows things are not perfect in your world, and you could likely use a little help), and throw out the doctrine and judgment she brings to it. That simple shift removes your judgment moving back at her.
There is a very good chance that she felt awkward about saying anything to you, and that she had to muster up the courage to speak to you. Further, is it also possible that your reaction to her words is your embarrassment in knowing that others know you are struggling, and are witnessing the drama? Is it possible that you don’t think it is okay what is happening in your life? We do seem to want the outside world to see only the perfect little family picture, don’t we?
Sweet Hillary, is it also possible that the judgment you are reacting to is your self judgment? If so, stop. Change your mind. Don’t let fear (embarrassment) and judgment hold you in place. Let the energy of her, in essence, saying, “You are not alone.”, be what flows through you. Know that Divinity does not expect perfection from you, because She thinks you are already perfect, no matter that it may appear it is not.
You may even wish to strike up a conversation with your neighbor, from a new perspective. Who knows, she may have been reaching out to you from her pain, and you may be able to help each other. This might actually be the perfect time to teach her a new prayer:
Thank you Creator/God, for letting me know that this problem has already been solved. Please help me now to see my part in that solution.
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.cwghelpingoutreach.com She may be contacted at: Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
I am so angry. I have been in a marriage for 32 years. I have been faithful. I have given him children. AND I have had a full time job. Now I find he wants a divorce, and wants to be free to be with other women. Now I am all alone, he wants to leave me with the kids, the stress is making my job performance suffer and I am at risk for losing my job, and he is off having his fun. I need him! Is this God being fair??
Rhea
Dear Rhea,
I am so sorry you are going through this right now. I get that it doesn’t seem fair.
Since I don’t have the luxury of an ongoing dialog, like I do over at The CWG Helping Outreach, I am going to be quite direct.
You talk about your relationship in terms of him getting what he wants, and you not being treated fairly…you do not speak of losing your soulmate, or the love of your life or any other endearing term. Which leads me to ask what you expected of marriage…why were you in the marriage? I often ask, and I will ask you: What is your definition of Love?
I think that what “Conversations With God” has to say about this subject is particularly pertinent right now. In chapter 8 of book 1, it talks about how we define Love. In this chapter God says:
“For most people, love is a response to need fulfillment.
Everyone has needs. You need this, another needs that. You both see in each other a chance for need fulfillment. So you agree—tacitly—to a trade. I’ll trade you what I’ve got if you’ll give me what you’ve got.
It’s a transaction. But you don’t tell the truth about it. You don’t say, “I trade you very much.” You say, “I love you very much,” and then the disappointment begins.”
A relationship that is healthy, even if it does not last forever, begins with knowing that we are complete with or without that other person in our lives, and having a desire to share that completeness with another, hoping to enhance their lives and yours in the process of sharing. We all need help along the way, and none of us live in this perfect little love zone all of the time, but it is what healthy relationships are based on, and what they return to when the dramas in life end. In fact, getting back to that space is what causes the drama to end.
Further, Rhea, we most often think of “relationships” as having to do with romance. In reality, we are having a relationship with everything in our world all the time. We know who we are relative to all that is around us, and how we act on those relationships depends on our thoughts about those things, including our thoughts about who we are. Our thoughts create our experience. Hard to believe, I know, when we are in the middle of traumatic changes in our lives, like the ones you are going through right now. Our thoughts do create our experiences, (not to be confused with events) and you can change your experience right now by changing your thoughts about why this is happening. One very good tool, among many good tools out there, to help you change your thoughts, is the book, “When Everything Changes, Change Everything” that Neale wrote. (Information about the website is below, and the book can be read for free on the website!)
I am a person who always looks for the “silver lining” in things. Even when things that appear awful are happening, my mind goes back to the times when things looked hopeless, yet they ultimately proved to be things that opened up doors for me. (For instance, the hopeless co-worker relationship actually had to happen to me, so that I wouldn’t be attached to that job, and I was open to the next.) When I do simply accept that there is more, my mind relaxes and gives me a break. I calm down and am able to let my mind filter what my soul is saying. Can you see even a tiny bit of silver? Can you look back at anything in your life and see the silver lining now, that you couldn’t see then?
Rhea, “justice”, by the way, presumes that something is “wrong”. There is nothing wrong. Each person simply has their own soul path.
I am going to write a little story around what you say about your ex…I might look at him and think that he is a very insecure person. Why? Because he is looking for love and acceptance outside of himself. He seems to need validating by temporary things. Who he is, doesn’t seem to be enough for him. Which leads to many questions as to why…
What I have done, by doing this, Rhea, is write a story that moves me from pure judging, to looking for understanding of his actions. Not necessarily because I think that those actions are working for him in any way, but because I wish to understand that HE thinks that they are working…otherwise he wouldn’t be doing them.
We don’t have to stay with those people, Rhea, we don’t even have to fall out of love with those people, but when we move to understanding, we stop doing one very important thing:
We stop hurting ourselves.
And when we do that, we stop hurting those around us, even if we were hurting them unconsciously. (Maybe that’s what people are reacting to at work?)
And when we stop the hurting, things seem to fall into place…because we believe that they will.
Ask yourself, Rhea, what might be needing to be looked at within yourself that is causing you to feel that you need someone in your life who has said he doesn’t want to remain in yours. Is it because you are being treated unfairly in your “trade” agreement, or is it because you are not defining love in a way that includes yourself.
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.cwghelpingoutreach.com She may be contacted at: Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
Thank you, God, for the moments when I do not know who I am, because they are the times in my life which allow me to re-experience that remembrance over and over and over again, each time in a new and profound way.
Thank you, God, for the people who challenge and push me, the individuals whose presence in my life feels abrasive or antagonistic. These are the relationships which provide me the opportunity to choose from and then experience the broad spectrum of thoughts, feelings, and emotions which are available to me and which have been created for me.
Thank you, God, for that space between what once was and what is yet to be, the pause between my choices, the interlude between the scenes of my life. I have come to know that what sometimes appears to be a lull, a barren space of nothingness , is actually the sweetest and most bountiful place to be, a space which quietly presents to me the infinite number of possibilities.
Thank you, God, for the children in my life who invite me to sit on the floor, barefoot, and just play from the center of my heart, offering me a gentle reprieve from the less flexible rules of my mind. I feel especially grateful for the souls who dance in the bodies of children, those who remind me to sing, to laugh, and to stop taking everything so gosh darn serious all the time.
I am sharing my own personal daily gratitudes with you today because I believe that if we can begin to acknowledge the gifts offered to us in all the happenings of our lives, those we judge as “good” and those we judge as “bad,” then we will have truly begun to live.
Aren’t all aspects of life living?
Aren’t all moments momentous?
Aren’t all events eventful?
Doesn’t each moment of our life serve to define our purpose? While we search and seek for the all-encompassing purpose in our life, that grand realization of who we truly are, could it be possible that we have infinite purposes and that we are experiencing our purpose over and over and over again as we move through the events and relationships we encounter in life?
What are you feeling especially grateful for today? Is there something taking place in your life right now which is creating some very real challenges for you? Is there a piece of your past that continues to write itself into the scenes of your play, something that if you were able to recognize and honor even one tiny gift that has been bestowed upon you through that experience may have the potential to change everything?
Will you join me in thanking God for the moments when we do not know who we are because they are the times in our lives which allow us to re-experience that remembrance over and over and over again, each time in a new and profound way?
(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
If you are already familiar with the “Conversations with God” material, more than likely you have one or two insights or messages contained within the Cosmology that are especially meaningful to you, something that, when you first heard it, resonated with such clarity and fullness that it caused a noticeable and significant shift in your life.
For me, one of the most profound concepts to flow out of the “Conversations with God” messages is the following:
Your life is not about you. Rather, your life is about those whose lives you touch.
I remember the exact moment these words came into my life. I recall the precise instant when everything I thought to be true until that point was turned upside down. I was attending a “When Everything Changes, Change Everything” retreat in 2007, sitting in a dimly lit room along with 75 other people from around the world, when I first heard these exact words: Your life is not about you.
Well, if my life was not about me, then what IS it about?
If my life was, rather, about those whose lives I touch, then what does that mean for me? There has got to be something in it for me in the whole and sometimes messy scheme of things, right? After all, aren’t I the one doing the heavy lifting in my life here? Again, still having a hard time completely accepting the “not about me” aspect in all of this.
But while my mind was twisting itself into pretzels, trying to make sense of this completely new ideology that was just introduced to me, the next words flowed into my life:
You see, there is only one of us in the room. So what you do for another, you do for yourself. What you do for yourself, you do for another. And that is because we are all One.
And there it was, placed gently before me, the message which redefined the purpose of my life, the spiritual wisdom which altered the way I interact and enter into relationships with others. I had always proclaimed to embrace the concept of “we are all one,” at least on an intellectual or cognitive level. But my skewed vantage point thus far hadn’t allowed me to know this experientially nearly as often or completely as I would have liked.
Life feels harder and more external to us when we are simply each out to get our own, when we place expectations upon what we think we deserve. On the other hand, haven’t we all experienced the perfection of a truly selfless gesture towards another? The pure joy and quiet bliss of being of service to someone in need, without expectation of anything in return? Aren’t these instances of “not about me-ness” the ones that propel us into our own greatness, demonstrating to us all that there is no faster way to have something in your life than just simply going out and choosing to be it?
Oh, boy, do I still have days where I think life is all about me. I have plenty of them. I have moments when I question everything I believe to be true. There are times when I cross paths with people who I am convinced are not only separate from me but I am quite certain they are working in direct contradiction to me, motivated by an entirely different energy source than the one I am fueled by, even though at the highest level of awareness I know that is simply not true.
But these are the gifts that life is consistently presenting to me, the golden nuggets of opportunity that surround me, even though I may not be able to readily see them and might even find myself resisting them. These are the moments when I get to decide who I really am. These are the times when I get to ask and answer some important questions: Why am I here, right here, right now, at this exact moment in time? Who is it I am here with and for? Who might life be calling upon me to be?
These are the instances when I remember…my life is not about me.
(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
I would like to invite you to take a little test. This is not a difficult or complicated test. And it won’t take up a lot of your time. It is simply a fun experiment.
Perhaps some of you have taken this test before. But maybe there are quite a few of you have not.
Below is a short video. In the video, you will see four people wearing white clothing and four people wearing black clothing. You will be asked to count the number of times a person wearing white clothing passes the basketball to another person wearing white clothing.
At the end of the video, you will be given the answer so you can compare your findings to the correct number of passes.
(Please view the video before clicking “read more”)
I generally consider myself to be a person with a fairly high level of awareness, so I was humorously shocked to find out at the end of the video that I had “failed” this exercise completely.
And as a result of this interesting awareness test, my mind could not escape the burning question: If I missed something as seemingly obvious as a moon-walking gorilla dancing in the middle of a small group of eight people, what else might I not be noticing in the world around me as I go about the business of my day-to-day affairs?
Nearly every day, I drive home past the perimeter of a beautiful state park. It is a mile-long stretch of lush beautiful trees and other colorful varieties of Florida foliage. One afternoon, I saw a family of beautiful deer grazing in the tall wispy grass. It looked like a water-color painting, so peaceful, so natural, so perfect. Of all the previous days, weeks, and months of me driving home on this same road, sometimes even traveling on it twice a day, I had never before seen any deer. Ever.
Well, the next afternoon, during my regular commute home, I intentionally looked for the deer, determined to lay eyes upon this picturesque setting once again. And to my delight, and surprise, there they were again. Not the exact same number of deer; there were only two this time. And not in the exact same location; they were a hundred feet or so further down the road. But there they were, peacefully grazing in the tall wispy grass.
And on many occasions since that very first moment, I have seen deer along the side of the road. But it couldn’t be possible that the first time I saw these magnificent creatures was actually the first time they ever appeared there, could it?
Of course not. It was only the first time my awareness included them.
This experience was revolutionary for me and it stirred up quite a few questions: What else am I not seeing in life? Of all the events happening around me, why do some of them come into my awareness and others do not? Am I consciously choosing this? Or is it created by something other than me, being placed into the space of my existence? And the biggest question of them all: What does this mean?
Of course, the answer to that bigger question, as I’ve come to know, is one that can only be answered by me as a creation of my own choosing. For me, it means that there is much more going on here than what I currently see. It means that when I think I know what I need to know, if I expand my perspective to include more, I will allow myself to experience that I actually know more. Because I now understand that the way I view life is based upon my perspective. And my perspective provides the underlying support system which serves to create the reality I ultimately experience. The truth I hold, the thoughts I choose, and the emotions I experience are all sequentially tied into and foundationed upon the perspective from which I see things.
So as hard as I might to try to tell someone “how” something is, or when someone else gets frustrated because I don’t “see” things in a similar way, it is important to remember that a thing can only be seen in the same way when viewed from the same perspective.
We all have the ability to elevate our experience from one of a distorted reality (what we think is happening). We even have the ability to move beyond an experience of observed reality (what we can readily see happening) and closer to an experience of ultimate reality (what is actually happening). How do we do this? By expanding the perspective of the Mind to include the Wisdom of the Soul. It is from this vantage point that we will be given the opportunity to see without limitations, allowing us to embrace every aspect in our lives, including our relationships with each other, with a deeper understanding of what we have already always known.
For a more extensive look at the revolutionary Mechanics of the Mind/System of the Soul process, I invite and encourage you to read the book When Everything Changes, Change Everything, which offers extraordinary spiritual and practical insight into what “creating your own reality” truly means.
(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
I recently had a conversation with a very dear friend about what could possibly be one of humanity’s most perplexing and misunderstood relationships: our relationship with money. This particular friend of mine was noticing how every time she dreamt up new and exciting ways to draw more money into her life, she found herself experiencing abrupt roadblocks being constructed in the pathway to that effortless flow of financial abundance that she continues to witness others experiencing with seemingly much more ease.
Confused by more questions in her life than answers, she asked God: “What the heck is going on here?”
She is doing what she loves. She is being who she knows herself to be. She is creative and passionate and has a heart called to serve and help others. She gives of herself openly and lovingly and asks for very little, if anything, in return from anyone.
So why does the experience of financial prosperity continue to mock someone who is doing all the “right” things in their world?
Then the answer revealed itself in the very next question from my sweet, wonderful friend: “Is it bad or “wrong” for me to want to make money?”
Ah, the sponsoring thought. The underlying trap.
Somewhere along the line, money has gotten a really bad rap. We have been taught to desire it and despise it in almost equal measure. Intimate relationships, friendships, and families have been torn apart over money, both in situations of lack and in situations of plenty. Basketball players and movie stars make copious amounts of money. Teachers and social workers barely make enough to pay their basic household bills. And then there are those who have a deep desire to “make a living” in the spiritual community, those who consider themselves to be key players in the New Spirituality movement, who abruptly discover that they fall into a category for which many believe they simply should not get paid at all.
If we want to take a ride on the “abundance superhighway,” we must change our views about money and refuel ourselves with the energy that flows and radiates deep beneath the obvious paper and coins we hold in our hands or deposit in our bank accounts. One of the quickest and surest ways to experience the magnificence of our own abundance is to give to another that which we believe ourselves to be lacking; and in doing so, what we are then allowed to discover about ourselves is that we are already plentiful in what we imagined ourselves to not have. And not only are we given an opportunity to experience already having it, but we are given the opportunity to experience it to the degree that we actually have enough to give away. This is just one of the many extraordinary concepts offered to us from the Conversations with God material.
If we change our belief about money, how might that change our experience of money?
If our experience of money is changed, might we be given the opportunity to experience our abundance in a new way, in a way that has nothing to do with money at all?
And if our natural state of abundance has nothing to do with money at all, what does it have to do with?
I love money.
I love receiving it. I love giving it away. And it has been my personal experience at numerous points in time in my life that I can live quite contently without having much of it at all. I have never been someone who has had what one would call a “lot” of money. And I solemnly recognize the disproportionate number of people in the world who are barely getting by in their day-to-day lives with the amount of financial resources they have available to them compared to the tightly guarded segment of our population who holds and controls the vast percentage of our world’s wealth and resources. It is my hope and my vision that one day that model of our world will change. But in order to reach that stage in our evolution, we must reflect upon and restructure some of our most basic and fundamental underlying beliefs not only about money, but about who we are and about why we are even here in the first place.
Where do we begin? What can one person do?
Perhaps we all can throw an extra dollar or two onto the tip for our next waitress. Maybe we actually do have enough time and money to pull into that youth group’s car wash on the corner. Might we allow ourselves to share 3 or 4 or 5 dollars with the homeless man or woman on the corner without worrying about how they spend it or why they are there to begin with? What would happen if we bought our groceries from the local Mom-and-Pop store in our community, where the prices might be slightly higher, but the service is extraordinary? Would we really miss the extra few dollars and cents in the long run?
I’m just wondering…
(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
How many of us are holding back in our relationships? Who among us is restricting their growth potential or avoiding a change in their career? Let’s see a show of hands from those of us who in some way, shape, or form are limiting ourselves in some aspect of our lives because we are afraid. Yes, I have to admit that my hand has slowly crept up, too.
Afraid of rejection?
Afraid of being hurt?
Afraid of being hurt again?
Afraid of being hurt even again?
Afraid of not being good enough or pretty enough or smart enough or sexy enough?
There seems to me to be a curious double standard when it comes to fear. Human beings have clearly demonstrated time and time again that we actually are not afraid of fear. In so many ways, we are fear-seekers. Just ask the rollercoaster-riders, the bungee-jumpers, the race car drivers, the tight-rope walkers, the lion-tamers, the deep-sea divers, the skyscraper window cleaners, and those who have left the boundaries of earth’s atmosphere to explore what exists beyond this planet we call home. Heck, even I welcomed fear into my life with open arms recently when I zip-lined five stories over a swampy pond filled with giant alligators.
It would appear that in those specific instances, fear actually propels us into our greatness, thrusting us into our highest potential. We desire the rush of danger. We crave the surge of vulnerability. We embrace the feelings of uncertainty. We know there are no guarantees…and we do it anyway.
So why do we not apply that same powerful field of energy when it comes to matters of the heart and soul? Why do we suddenly “need” the guarantee? Why do we suddenly “require” the certainty of a sure thing? Why do we only clear the pathway to our heart when we feel convinced that it is “safe” to do so?
In the meantime, while we are waiting for those assurances, we are not only denying ourselves the gift of those around us, we are denying those around us the gift of us. Fear-based thinking causes us to live small and live prudent, shrinking into an existence of believing we can shield ourselves from our imagined fears by cocooning ourselves in layers of imagined protection.
Imagine if Martin Luther King, Jr., thought, “I have a dream, but I am simply too scared to share it with the people of the world.”
Imagine if Rosa Parks thought, “I do not want to give up my seat on this bus because of the color of my skin, but I am too afraid not to.”
Imagine if Neale Donald Walsch thought, “I had an extraordinary conversation with God, but I’m too afraid to share it with the world for fear of how it or I will be received.”
If any one of those people had listened to and acted upon that voice of fear, we wouldn’t be having this conversation right here, right now. But these are the risk-takers. These are the people who looked fear squarely and confidently and gently in the eye, blessed its presence in their lives, and did it anyway.
And what exactly is the difference between these three individuals and us? What do they have that perhaps you or I do not?
Nothing, except a deep-seated understanding that no matter what happens, no matter how the chips may fall or in which direction the events of our lives take us, we have nothing to lose. The guarantee that life gives to us is that we simply cannot fail. The only “loss” we can experience is the one we personally create in our individual reality when we do not place ourselves fully in the game, the type of loss that prevents us from not only knowing who we really are, but actually experiencing who we are.
“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.”
Conversations with God
(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
Some people are quite surprised, and many gasp with disbelief, when they hear the story of how my husband and I both completely forgot our one-year anniversary. I know, it sounds semi-plausible that perhaps one of us might overlook such an important milestone in our relationship, but both of us forgetting altogether seems rather comical, a nearly an impossible idea to believe.
This unusual blunder does not stem from a lack of caring, nor does it reflect some level of mutual apathy towards our partnership. You see, it truly is, rather, that our relationship has not demonstrated itself as yearning to be measured or defined within the parameters of time. Measuring or gauging our relationship in terms of days or months or years, while it does hold sentimental enjoyment for us to reflect upon, has never been the focus or intent of our partnership.
Neither is the expectation of our relationship to be in a constant state of blissful agreement. We understand deeply, although we sometimes forget, that at times our Souls will yearn for different experiences, and that the richness of our partnership is not determined by only those moments in which we see eye to eye. And even on those occasions when life has called upon us to experience contrast, or when we have stepped off the path of remembrance, forgetting who we are, the sanctity of our holy union has always been held in the palm of tenderness, compassion, and understanding.
Sure, we disagree about some of the day-to-day tasks in life — taking out the trash and cleaning the kitchen, which television program to watch in the evening, selecting the appropriate temperature setting in our home, dirty socks on the floor, etc. And at times we find ourselves on opposite sides of issues which carry much more importance in our lives, and the lives of others. But the one thing that we do not waiver on, ever, is our understanding of and commitment to the partnership of our souls and the mutual desire and devotion to each other’s experience of and communion with God.
And the experience of communion with God is not something forever lost in days gone by, nor is it something that we can only hope and wish for in the moments of tomorrow. It is for us to experience right here, right now. It doesn’t magically happen at a 1-year anniversary or a 10-year anniversary or a 50-year anniversary, nor does it happen with only one person. It happens the moment you choose for it happen. It happens as often as you desire for it to happen. And it happens with whomever you choose for it to happen with. Because, quite simply, it is always happening. Sometimes we just have to peel back the layers of what we think we see to be able to experience what is really there.
Perhaps now more than ever before, relationships are stretched and challenged by the push and pull of the demands of a fast-paced world. It seems to me that so many of us are forgetting, rather than remembering, the purpose for which we exist in each other’s lives. Maybe these very words will cause one or two or three people to pause and think about what that reason might be, maybe even for the very first time. It is never too late. You are never too old, too poor, too sick, too busy, too tired, or too anything to make a change in your relationships and create your life anew.
(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
I remember from reading the CWG books that Neale mentions here and there the concepts of building and maintaining a conscious relationship. However, I was wondering whether there is any specific material out there that is solely focused on this topic. Blessings and joy to you…Annalisa
Dear Annalisa…Neale addressed a similar question in our Spiritual Mentoring Program call on Saturday by saying this:
“1. Need nothing. 2. Understand everything. 3. Love all.”
Please allow me to elaborate:
1. In a relationship if we Need nothing specific from the other, we can save ourselves a lot of grief. For example, I have found that with my family, sometimes we are pulled in different directions, each of us having our own agenda, especially around the holidays. Things run much more smoothly for me if I don’t attach myself to any particular plan—if I don’t Need anything in particular to happen—allowing Life to lead me where it will. This appeases everyone, so therefore, I am at peace as well!
2. Entire relationships, indeed, entire lives have been ruined by people who misunderstand the actions of another and hold grudges against them, rather than sitting down, talking things out, and arriving at mutual understanding about why they did what they did. When we Understand the reasons why others do what they do, forgiveness is automatic. Neale calls this “Forgiveness Forgone” because forgiveness is a foregone conclusion when we Understand the reasons people do things we might consider negative.
3. To Love all doesn’t mean “free love” in the 1960s sense, as the hit song from that era, “Love the One You’re With” recommended. Rather, it means, Love everything that shows up. Byron Katie’s book Loving What Is explains this beautifully. Another author, Rick Steves, who is my favorite travel writer, says, “If something isn’t to your liking, change your liking.” This is a very profound statement that takes on a much deeper meaning than simply what to do while traveling. If we learn to love Life exactly as it is showing up—if we can see the perfection in all of Life—then we live the path of least resistance. This is not to say we are not at choice in every moment. We are, and we’re always invited by Life to Choose Again… to re-create ourselves anew in the next grandest version of the greatest vision ever we held about Who We Are. Yet, to do this while living a life resisting nothing is to walk the path of the great Masters.
(Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com
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