Spiritual Life Coach
Last month, my boyfriend of five years and I had an argument and we have not talked since. He considers this a breakup. He already had commitment issues and our relationship has been on and off again a few times. He is seeing another girl, not romantically yet, but as really close friends. As much as it saddened me, my spiritual learning so far has helped me to just accept things as they are, and neither blame him, myself or the other girl for my unhappiness.
I just finished reading Conversations with God Book One. I wish I had read it earlier so I would have been more aware of my Sponsoring Thought, that I was always scared of losing him. I feel my underlying thought pushed him away.
Neale says we can all create what we like, but in order to do that we must go in reverse: Act, Speak, Think. I would like your help in understanding that in my particular situation. What do I need to specifically do, how do I need to act in order to bring the guy I love back into my life and get married to him? It goes without saying that I love him very much. Any other guidance you can give me in this case will be highly appreciated too… Amy
Dear Amy,
I think you are confusing the Three Levels of Creation (Thought, Word and Action) with the Be-Do-Have paradigm. Conversations With God says that most of the time we mix up the order of things thinking, “If I Do this, I can Have That, then I’ll Be happy.” We also sometimes think, “If I Have this, then I can Do That, then I’ll Be happy.” CWG invites us to come from a state of Beingness first. Decide ahead of time what it is we choose to Be, not waiting for circumstances to dictate it, then allow everything we Do to come from that place. The Having part then falls into place automatically.
Now, pertaining to your boyfriend of five years, you should know that this process is not meant to be construed as a way to “bring him back into your life and get married to him”. This Be-Do-Have way of living isn’t some kind of voodoo or trick that you can play to get what it is you think you want. Remember, you are co-creating with your boyfriend and he has every bit as much right as you do to decide how he wants to live the rest of his life, with or without you.
My concern when reading your letter was the fact that you would even want to do that. You said in your first paragraph that your spiritual learning has helped you to accept the fact that he has moved on. So which is it? Do you accept his choice or do you want to try to use some sort of spiritual magic to bring him back? And if it is the latter, why do you not feel whole, complete and perfect without him?
I can tell you that because each of us is freedom at our core, when others sense that we want to to tie them down, or obstruct their freedom, it sends them flying the other way. If we come across as needy or unfulfilled, we are sending out big red flags to those who are in relationship with us.
You didn’t tell me your age, but it sounds as if you are rather young and you have your whole life ahead of you. The best advice I can give you, dear Amy, is to continue your spiritual learning so that you can much more fully realize how perfect you are all on your own. Spend quiet time with your soul so you can deeply know that, as an individuation of the One Divine Spirit, you encompass the same qualities It has, as a being that is totally without need—especially without need for another to complete you.
When you take enough time and energy to become very centered and you begin to know and express yourself as confident and kind, and as one who has no needs or expectations, the irony is, you then become irresistible to others!
(Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Life Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com.
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
Dear Readers: Today’s advice question comes from one of my students in the CWG Online School, who has recently decided and declared his life calling is to be a “good Samaritan.” When I read his response to one of our homework questions, I knew I wanted to share it with all of you in the hopes that you will gain from his experience:
As I was leaving a take-away shop with my dinner recently, I passed a guy who was just sitting on the sidewalk with no shirt on, an unkempt look, a bottle of beer and a shopping bag which seemed to have all his possessions in it. As I walked past he says, “Hey, old mate.” I chose to ignore him, thinking, “I do not need this hassle or want to deal with this at the moment. I just want to get home, I’m exhausted.” And I then let fear take over.
He says again, “Hey, old mate,” but louder this time. I chose to ignore him again and kept walking. Again he says “Hey, old mate,” and his voice is quite loud. This then got the better of me and I snapped at him and said quite loud myself, “Are you right? What’s Up?”
He then looked at me and slowly turned his head away and looked towards the ground – and I just got in the car and drove away, feeling angry and also like a heel. Then I beat myself up a bit and thought of a thousand different ways I could have handled this differently. I could have acknowledged him at least.
Maybe he was down on his luck and just hungry and I could have bought him a $9 meal from the take away shop, as I had the money. And not let fear take over. Maybe he might have only wanted to know what time it was, etc. So this was a real eye opener for me to see that I have a long way to go in having the right attitude and how I perceive others and how I might respond in unusual situations. I am feeling a little lost at the moment… Ben
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Oh, Ben, don’t you see the perfect irony in this “chance encounter”? If not, please let me show you how it looks from my perspective:
1. You decide and declare Who You Really Are, which is a good Samaritan.
2. You meet someone on the street who, in the past, would have frightened you, simply by his appearance—unkempt, drinking beer, apparently homeless.
3. You forget your decision to be a good Samaritan and you do the exact opposite, reacting as you would have in the past, rather than creating as you would like to from now on, when faced with this type of situation.
4. He looks you in the eye, then slowly looks away as if to say, “You forgot, Ben, to be a good Samaritan. Here I am giving you the perfect opportunity to fulfill exactly what it is you say you are, and you forgot.”
5. You, of course, feel terrible because your actions were out of alignment with your new decision about yourself.
Please, please forgive yourself for forgetting, dear sweet Ben. We all forget… until we don’t anymore. And remember this encounter, always. Then the next time something like this happens, you will choose differently, thus allowing yourself to feel really good about remembering, then acting on, your decision to be a good Samaritan.
Do you know what the definition of “sin” is? It’s missing the mark. Whose mark? Our own! When we commit a sin we’ve fallen short of who we say we are, knowing we could have done better. Now, “go and sin no more,” dear Ben. You are growing into higher and higher states of awareness, and these growing pains are all part of the process. This is Life, giving you the right and perfect opportunities for you to step into your next grandest version of the greatest vision you ever held about Who You Are.
This was a perfect life lesson for you. And now, the “Moral of the Story”:
When you lose, don’t lose the lesson!
(Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Life Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com.
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
I lost my job last year and although I’ve been looking for a new one, I am not working yet. My unemployment benefits have run out, so I’m just living on savings which is pretty scary.
However, on the bright side I am currently taking classes to become certified as a Microsoft Office Specialist. I have passed my Outlook and PowerPoint exams, and received my certifications for those. I’m studying for my Excel certification now, and will finish with Word after that. The classes, study, and practice are keeping me pretty busy and don’t leave much time for the job search, but my main focus right now is completing them as soon as possible so that I’ll be more marketable.
How can I maintain faith, confidence, and a positive attitude during times of uncertainty about career, finances, etc.?… Angie
Dear Angie… All times are uncertain times! It’s only our thought that any particular times are “certain”—that our career and finances are ever really secure. If we look deeply at life, though, we see that it is always moving, always changing, and nothing ever stays the same.
In our parents’ day and age many of our fathers held the same jobs for decades. I only have one friend, though, out of hundreds, who has had a job with the same company since we graduated from college, and I can tell you that he has never been completely happy in it. I suppose he has stayed for the seeming security of it, but I am amazed that he hasn’t been “kicked out of the nest” because it has never seemed to be very soul-fulfilling for him. You see, life has a way of calling us to evolve, and when we ignore that call over and over again, very often the soul will cause us to evolve in a way that doesn’t feel very good to us. Sometimes this takes the form of what looks like a loss, as in getting laid off or fired from a job. Perhaps my friend has managed to stay with the same company because they have transferred him several times, giving him promotions and new opportunities for expansion each time.
I wonder, Angie, if you were you completely happy in the job you had. Did you absolutely love it? Or did, perhaps, you feel you were ready to move into something larger?
The fact that you are taking this opportunity to further develop your skills is perfect! You have taken what looked like an obstacle and turned it into a golden opportunity. Good for you!
Prosperity follows passion, and the more you do what you love, the more opportunity life will give you to do what you love.
Know that everything that happens in life inures for your benefit, dear Angie. Please do not for one second allow fear to take over your thoughts. Look deeply into the face of fear and question every single thought that your mind conjures about what could happen, then ask, well, if that happened, then what would happen? And if that happened, then what would happen? This is called the “So What? Process” and it helps us to see that no matter what happens in our lives, we will still survive, one way or another.
Look at the example of what happened to Neale: Things in his life spiraled downward to the point that he lived in a tent for two weeks shy of a year. Yes, it was a very very tough experience for him, but look how he rebounded from it. Within a relatively short period of time he literally went from rags to riches, and today he avows that it was one of the best things that ever happened to him! He has literally had nothing and he has literally had everything he could possibly want, and he says that both experiences left him with the same question:
“Now what?!”
You have experienced a taste of this, and you answered the question in the highest way possible for yourself. You decided to re-create anew the next grandest version of the greatest vision you ever held about yourself, Angie, and in doing so you have done exactly what CWG invites us to do.
Now, just keep going. You were guided to go back to school, and you will be guided as to what’s highest and best for you to do when you finish your studies. Try not to expect it to look a certain way. For example, maybe you will freelance several small jobs instead of having one full-time job. Maybe you will be self-employed instead of being an employee. Just trust that the continuing opportunities will be there for you and you will be fine.
You are deeply loved, guided and supported more than you know and you always have a host of angels with you, every step of the way. I look forward to hearing back from you this time next year. You will marvel at what all you’ve been able to accomplish!
(Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Life Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com.
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
My boyfriend can’t forgive me because for the first year we dated I never invited him to my apartment. I was embarrassed because his apartment is so much nicer than mine, so I was always making excuses not to have him over. He thinks it was because I was unfaithful and living with another guy but nothing could be further from the truth. I’ve tried to explain it to him but he’s still holding it against me. I love him so much and miss the good times we had together. How can I regain his trust?… Mandy
Dear Mandy,
You’ve learned the hard way, I’m afraid, that relationships can’t prosper fully when one is intentionally withholding information from another. That said, if you’ve sincerely apologized and explained your reasons and he still won’t forgive you, it’s probably time you have a heart to heart talk and try to find out what’s really going on with him. Set an intention for clarity and honest, open, peaceful communication. Here are a few talking points that might help get you started:
The way I see it—and please correct me if I’m wrong—if you haven’t yet forgiven me, it must be for one of these three reasons:
1. Because I haven’t explained why I did what I did, well enough for you to understand. I’ll gladly try one more time if you want me to.
2. If I have explained it fully and you understand what I’m saying, but you choose not to believe me, there is nothing I can do about that.
3. If I have explained it fully and you understand what I’m saying and you do believe me, but you choose to hold and carry a grudge, there is nothing I can do about that, either.
Are any of these scenarios true for you or are you using what I did as an excuse because you don’t have the courage to tell me that your feelings about me have changed? Or maybe you never really felt the same way about me that I feel about you?
CWG says there is nothing to forgive; there is only to understand. God fully understands the reasons behind everything we’ve ever done—what our fears were, what our thought processes were about that fear, and why it drove us to make that “mistake” (of course, there really are no mistakes in the Universe). That is why we need not ask forgiveness from God. Even before we ask it is already given.
Also, Mandy, we must always understand and forgive ourselves if we expect to receive understanding and forgiveness from others. This is how the Universe works at a metaphysical level—it reflects back our own thoughts about it. So perhaps the larger question is, Have you forgiven yourself?!
(Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Life Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com.
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
There is something that I have been struggling with for quite a few years now. I guess the best way to describe it is to say that I am afraid of my own success, my joy, my happiness. I KNOW all the teachings of Conversations With God are true because after I came to the teachings about fifteen years ago, my life, as I knew it at the time, changed. It was the only time I have been so close in alignment with my Soul/True Self. I was creating all that I desired at that time and I was soooooo at peace and tranquility with all. I miss this!
I KNOW I’m not disconnected from Spirit or my Soul, yet this is how I feel, and I can’t seem to reconnect. I can’t seem to MAKE MYSELF do the things that will enable me to “connect” again. I can’t get my ego to do the “work” to grow further. I can’t seem to commit to meditation, knowing full well how important and beneficial it is to my Soul, and I have found myself getting bored with the messages and teachings at my New Thought church. It’s like I’m sabotaging my own happiness.
Someone once told me that this fear is probably due to my deep down feeling of not being worthy of all I deserve and can have. She said, “It scares you to think that you CAN have the material things, money, joy, happiness etc…” She also said, “You wonder what would happen to you if you did get it all.” So I guess my question is, “How do I make myself get over this fear, because frankly I’m tired of not having it all!”… Carrie
Dear Carrie… The way I see it, fear of success is quite different from feeling unworthy of success, so the first thing to do is to get clear. Which is it? Do you agree with your friend that you feel unworthy? Look deeply into your Sponsoring Thoughts about success and happiness. The fact that you had deep peace and tranquility and desires fulfilled fifteen years ago makes me wonder if either of these two scenarios are true. If you harbor either of these fears now, logic implies that something would have had to trigger them after your time of deep joy, peace and success. Is this the case? Can you trace the roots of your fears to anything specific that happened? If you can identify what that was, then you can begin to heal it. Remember, what you resist persists and what you look at deeply ceases to have its illusory form.
It may help you to know that I, too, sometimes feel that the teachings at New Thought churches can become, shall we say, redundant. Many of them seem to be stuck in what I call “Law of Attraction 101.” As Neale would say, this is child’s play. Please don’t make yourself wrong if this is how you feel too! Remember, feelings are the language of the soul and they are there to guide you. As a student of Conversations With God, you may realize, as I do, that the CWG messages go waaaaaay further than what Science of Mind or Unity teach. Remember, the people who founded those churches lived roughly a hundred years ago. Back then, they were ahead of their time, but now they are actually behind the times. I think that’s why New Thought ministers are constantly looking to current New Thought authors such as Neale, whose teachings go into infinitely more detail about Life and how it works. Please don’t get me wrong: I love my church and am very grateful for it. I also realize they are filling a great need because so many people are just beginning to embrace these larger understandings about God and Life.
I suspect, dear Carrie, that these feelings you’ve been experiencing are perfect messages from your soul which is trying to remind you (literally to “re-mind” you) that there is more—much more—to be understood about life, the understanding of which would change everything for you. I think you may simply be hungry for your mind to catch up with your soul’s knowing of how things really are, and once your information is more complete, you will again find yourself in the same place you were fifteen years ago when you first discovered CWG.
I would ask you which books in the Conversations With God Cosmology you have read and if you missed any, please read them right away, in the order in which they were written. You might even want to strongly consider going back to Book 1 and reading all of them straight through the list. I promise you, since you are different now than you were fifteen years ago, you will have many new “aha” moments!
At the risk of making this column too long, I am including the list here for you, along with an explanation of each book. If, after reading all of these, you still have fears or questions, please feel free to email me again. I think, though, you will begin manifesting more joy, peace and success into your life automatically as you move once again—and this time, thoroughly—through the material.
Blesséd be, Carrie!
THE CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD COSMOLOGY:
CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD Book 1
The First Installment of an extraordinary trilogy, Conversations with God marks Neale Donald Walsch’s initial dialogue with God. This book discusses personal issues such as prosperity, relationships and the nature of spiritual truth—with God providing clear, understandable answers. Further than the author’s conversation with God, you’ll realize that your own understanding and your own conversation with God is the true subject matter of this unforgettable text.
CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD Book 2
The second book of the extraordinary Conversations with God trilogy by Neale Donald Walsch deals with global issues such as education, politics and human sexuality.
CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD Book 3
This third book in the Conversations with God trilogy by Neale Donald Walsch is about more universal issues such as the nature of the soul, space and time, and highly evolved societies. Many consider this the completion of the basic text and a superb segue into the next part of the series.
FRIENDSHIP WITH GOD
The essence of the message lies at the heart of faith—the sacred place in every person, where we stand alone with God. Each of us must forge our own unique relationship with God, a God who is everywhere and speaks to us in all we do. It is up to us to stop and listen. It is up to us to respond—to begin the conversation. And a conversation is the first step—just as in any relationship—in establishing trust, in building friendship, in creating communion. Largely autobiographical, in Friendship with God, Neale shares the next part of his journey, and leads us to deepen and strengthen our own bonds with God.
COMMUNION WITH GOD
Now God reaches out again…offering you wholeness…communion. Now you will know the God who believes in you. You have come here to learn, through your own experience, that God resides within you. You have come to have a meeting with the Creator—a Creator who is within you and all around you. And in order to do so, you must look beyond the Ten Illusions of Humans.
THE NEW REVELATIONS
When you recognize these illusions, you can change the way you think. When you accept that they are only illusions, you can change what you believe. And when you live without them, you can change the world.
TOMORROW’S GOD
Purporting to be the dictation of a direct conversation with God, it places before humankind an unexpected prediction that our species will create a new God in the very near future. Gone will be the histrionics, requirements and commandments, judgments and punishments of Yesterday’s God. Tomorrow’s God describes in detail the character and characteristics of a future Deity whose only emotion is total love for all of humanity and life itself, and whose agenda includes no other objective than to empower life to produce more life, more abundantly and more gloriously in each moment. Striking in its theology and expansive in its cosmology, Tomorrow’s God offers the world a path out of its unremitting despair and a just-in-time detour on what many see as a journey to self-destruction.
WHAT GOD WANTS
Be Careful. This book is dangerous. It explores with startling freshness the most important question you could ever ask, and offers with breathtaking courage the most extraordinary answer you could ever imagine. That answer is so theologically revolutionary and so spiritually empowering that it could change the course of human history. If embraced it most certainly will change your life.
HOME WITH GOD: IN A LIFE THAT NEVER ENDS
This is the last book of the Conversations with God series. This is the book that readers of CWG have been waiting for…when Neale asks and receives answers around the experience of death and dying. The inspiring and poignant messages contained in this dialogue are life-changing and spirit-renewing.
CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD FOR TEENS
Adults are not the only ones searching deeply for answers to the major questions of life. Neale had another conversation—one in which he speaks to God about questions raised by teens around the globe. It’s a simple, clear, straight-to-the-point dialogue. The answers may challenge beliefs about God, money, sex, and love—about everything you may have been taught. Further, you’ll discover that it is not really the author’s conversation with God that matters. It’s your own conversation.
HAPPIER THAN GOD
Since the publication of his stunning worldwide bestseller Conversations with God (over two and a half years on the New York Times bestseller list; now published in 37 languages), Neale has been telling readers that a new understanding of God can change lives and change the world. In this book, he expands on that theme by exploring how ordinary people can work in direct collaboration with God to transform their everyday lives into extraordinary experiences. This is not a book of spiritual theory; rather it provides a plan we can use to change our lives. Included are “17 Steps to being Happier Than God.” This is a plan that combines the best of the conceptual truths from his 9-book Conversations with God series with “The Process of Personal Creation” to turn those concepts into practical tools for altering life for the better—forever.
WHEN EVERYTHING CHANGES CHANGE EVERYTHING
This book speaks to the heart of every person who has lost their bearings in the aftermath of a major life change and to those who would help them. A strikingly clear and useful text, it offers wonderful tools for healing and living, including a new psychological model of how to combine the “Mechanics of the Mind” with the “System of the Soul”.
(Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Life Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com.
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
I recently met a woman who I believe wanted a close friendship with me. I have moved to a new community and was keen to meet people and have accepted her generous offer a few times to drive me to venues I would have problems getting to on my own, for which I have thanked her and was grateful for her kindness. Over the course of our newly developing friendship, I found I have no rapport with her no matter how much I tried. In fact, I found her behaviour disturbing. For example, she would yell out, cursing at people legally overtaking her and others while in traffic, and even more disturbing was that she would call me everyday leaving the same monotonous message each day. I returned her calls a couple of times letting her know that I was okay and there was no need for her to be calling everyday. Then, there’ll be the same message, the same dialog the next day and the next and the next. I have a feeling she probably had been drinking when she called, so I stopped returning her calls. In line with CWG messages, how would I handle this situation? What would you propose I do? Also, meeting people like her is not new to me. I seem to attract people with such “weird” personalities into my life quite often. What do I need to change in my personality so that I don’t attract such people anymore? Thank you and best wishes… Gail
Dear Gail… Although I do believe in the Law of Attraction, I think it’s a bit of a New Thought trap to think that there is something inherently wrong in our personalities when we attract strange people into our lives. While it may be true that there is something your soul wants to move through in these circumstances, it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong!
Please remember, the Law of Opposites exists to give us choice points. To paraphrase a foundational tenet from Conversations With God, “In the absence of that which I am not, that which I am, is not.” In other words, we can only define ourselves by being aware of something different than us that we can use as a benchmark.
You ask what CWG would recommend in regard to your relationship with the woman who you suspect was drinking and with whom you don’t want to associate anymore. I would invite you to look at the Five Levels of Truth Telling from CWG Book Two, as well as one of the 17 steps to being Happier Than God: “Speak your truth as soon as you know it but soothe your words with peace.” The four levels of truth telling that would apply here are, “Tell your truth about yourself to yourself,” “Tell your truth about yourself to another,” “Tell your truth about another to yourself” and “Tell your truth about another to that other.” I find the fourth level to be the hardest one, because confronting someone with my truth about them feels very uncomfortable. When I am brave enough to do it, I prefer to write down my thoughts and deliver my truth that way, so that I don’t end up stumbling over words, or worse, not being impeccable with my word. It helps to tell the other, “I could be wrong, but this is how it looks to me, and this is how I feel about it.” When we put the onus on ourself in this way, it helps us seem less judgmental of the other.
Now, of course, you don’t have to do any of these things, Gail. You can simply allow yourself to gradually and organically drift away from the relationship. Sometimes that’s the easiest way out, but just know it can leave things feeling unresolved, and that’s why I think CWG invites us to do more than that.
I feel your discomfort around this. It may help to know that we all have people who show up in our lives who are not easy to deal with, to say the least. It doesn’t mean we are being or doing anything wrong. It’s just what’s happening, so it is of course, perfect! There’s a very good reason CWG says that life begins at the end of our comfort zone. Every uncomfortable situation is an opportunity to choose to be more than we have ever been—to “step up to the plate” and seize the opportunity to re-create ourselves anew in the next grandest version of the greatest vision ever we held about who we are. And, interestingly, the more we do that, the fewer “weird personalities” and the more kindred spirits we begin to attract into our lives!
From my experience of working with you in the CWG Online School, Gail, I would bet that you will handle all of this in the most beautiful way possible, because that’s the type of person I have come to know you to be.
In all things, give thanks.
(Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Life Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com.
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
I attended a spiritual retreat earlier this year. Afterward, I had all this strength and clarity and felt so strong! I made a decision to leave my husband, which is something I’ve wanted to do for a long time because the marriage was a mistake from the beginning. When I got home I told him, and it felt really good to start living my truth and moving my life in the right direction. But then I lost my resolve and let him talk me out of it, because trying to figure out all the details of a divorce seems overwhelming. I feel terrible because I really don’t want to be with him anymore. How can I get back on track and stay there?… Carly
Dear Carly,
It is said that the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. When making a big change in your life, don’t try to figure it all out at once. Just take it one step at a time, thanking God for guiding you every step of the way. Your feelings are your guidance and they come directly from God, via your Soul. God puts them there to guide you toward the most joyous life you can live, but the longer you continue to disregard the feelings that don’t feel good to you, the longer you postpone your joy.
You already followed the first two steps of Truth-telling: “Tell your truth about yourself to yourself” and “tell your truth about yourself to another”. Yet, you say you’ve wavered in your resolve to act on it. Is it still your truth that you want to leave your husband? Knowing that this is a major decision in your life, please, once again, do some deep Soul searching about it. Then if it is still your truth, you may need to repeat that to your husband, as lovingly and compassionately as you can. You might soften the blow by telling him that relationships don’t ever end—they only change form. Endings can be very hard, so sometimes it’s easier if we think of them as changes, not endings. “We’re changing the way we interact together…”
The way to stay on track is to stay in touch with your Soul, which knows all. You can’t figure this all out at the level of Mind, because the Mind’s information is so limited. However that works for you—prayer, meditation, yoga, walking in nature, chanting… whatever—make it a top priority every day. Better yet, make every waking moment a conversation with God. Learn to trust the wisdom of the Voice within you, knowing it is Divine Intelligence at work in your life. The more you follow that “still, small voice”, the happier you’ll be. And worry not about your husband, because he also has access to all the wisdom in the world. God is always with him too.
Last but not least, you might find this mantra helpful as you encounter challenges along the way:
“Thank you, God, for helping me remember that this problem has already been solved for me.”
(Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Life Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com.
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
I am a 31 year old woman, living in South Africa. I work for an NGO that deals with domestic violence. I work in the administration office as well as in the reception, but because we are under-staffed, I often do basic counseling for clients. The environment has changed me and made me rather highly sensitive. I cry myself to sleep weekly because I feel the pain that these individuals go through daily. It pains me so much that I feel paralyzed, not knowing what to do with the amount of violence in our country.
I want to be 100% sure that it is His voice that I am hearing and not mine, so that I can receive solutions step by step like in the 3 books. I think that is all everyone wants. Your help will be appreciated… May
Dear May…
If you go back and read pages 4 and 5 in Conversations With God Book 1, you will find the answer to your question of discerning whether it is God talking to you. It says, “Mine is always your Highest Thought, your Clearest Word, your Grandest Feeling. Anything less is from another source… The Highest Thought is always that thought which contains joy. The Clearest Words are those words which contain truth. The Grandest Feeling is that feeling which you call love.”
Those of us who work in the helping professions must create boundaries that protect our well-being. We must mentally separate ourselves from those with whom we are working, lest we take on their problems as our own. For how can we help anyone if we are dwelling in sadness ourselves? We simply can’t let anyone take us down with them. Our jobs are to lift people up!
Would it help for you to remember that everything is truly in Divine Right Order, and that anything that looks otherwise is nothing more than an illusion? When we are surrounded by negativity, it is of the utmost importance for us to remain steadfast in our faith that God knows exactly what It is doing, all the time. No exceptions.
You mention that there is a lot of violence in South Africa. Do you realize that every single person on this Earth, even if they seem to be violent villains, goes back Home to God? There is no path that doesn’t eventually lead to God, yet some paths certainly seem to be more fraught with chaos than others. Conversations With God says that there are no victims and no villains because God is all there is. It shows up in ways that are hard to recognize sometimes, so it’s very important to trust that given the benefit of hindsight, we will see the perfection that may not be obvious to us now.
I, myself, was once involved in a relationship where anger escalated to domestic violence on a regular basis, and I can tell you now that I am grateful for the experience! It opened up the space for all kinds of wonderful things in my life, including healing the relationship with my mother, and the opportunity to marry my soulmate. Talk about a happy ending!
The best thing we can do for another who is in pain, is pray for them in the affirmative. Not cosmic begging or pleading; rather, knowing for that person that he or she is Whole, Complete and Perfect, and that anything that looks otherwise is not the truth. I hope this helps, dear one. I implore you to shield yourself from others’ misery. Ask God to help you in every waking moment, then pay attention to your feelings as you are guided. Remember the guidelines for discernment I mentioned above. Then walk as closely with God as you can, in order to be strong enough to do the work you came here to do. Perhaps the serenity prayer might help:
“Dear God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Amen and amen.
(Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Life Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com.
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
My assistant at my job who I became very close friends with, sabotaged me at work (I loved my job) and with my boyfriend who I was potentially going to marry. I never put it together until ultimately my boyfriend broke up with me, and the company I worked with for 27 years asked me to resign. Needless to say, I have been very sad for a long time and have been searching for healing, answers, something to help me feel good again, feel happy again, put those awful memories behind me, or I pray to bring my ex back but it’s never happened. She ruined my career and my life. I still relive, rethink the memories and feel so sad all the time. How can I get past this?… Cindy
Dear Cindy… I am very sorry you went through such a heart-breaking event. You had a triple whammy, really: losing a friend you loved and trusted, losing the man you loved enough to marry, and losing a long-time job you loved. Wow. It’s certainly easy to see why you have been searching for healing and answers and a way to feel good again.
You say you’ve been carrying this deep sadness for a long time. My question is, for how long? It is normal and healthy to feel sad during times of loss, and for some time afterward. It is not normal and healthy, however, to continue to feel deep sadness long after an event is over, and to continue to dwell on it. In doing so, you are actually continuing to create the sadness in your mind. Has this sadness become depression for you? If so, you may need to see a psychiatrist to help treat it, at least temporarily. On the other hand, if you don’t think you are clinically depressed, then as a spiritual life coach I would say it is time to become pro-active and to take your joy back. I would invite you to notice that that was then and this is now.
You say that your assistant ruined your career. While it may be true that she sabotaged you at that particular job, can you absolutely know that your entire career is ruined? Is it out of the realm of possibility for you to ever work in that type of job again, but with a different employer? What I’m trying to say is, a job is one thing; a career is another.
Likewise regarding your statement that she ruined your life. Dear Cindy, no one, and I mean no one can ruin your life except for you. Do you know what hell is? Hell is what you are putting yourself through by continually re-living these painful memories! It is so important for all of us as human beings to stand at the portals of our minds—to consciously choose to stop dwelling on things that are unhealthy emotionally, spiritually and physically. It is up to us to stop thinking thoughts that don’t feel good. We all have this ability and it isn’t as difficult as it might seem, once we start noticing the painful thoughts and start choosing to say to ourselves, “I’ve thought about this long enough. It hasn’t changed anything. All it does is make me feel bad, so I’m just not going to think about this anymore.” Then we intentionally shift our focus to something that makes us feel better, which can be a thousand different things. It doesn’t matter what you start thinking about as long as it makes you smile, laugh or feel good. It also helps to do something fun. Watch a comedy show, listen to positive music, pet your cat, take your dog for a walk in the sunshine—anything that feels light and good.
I get it, that you would like to understand why things happened the way they did, but if after all this time you haven’t come up with any good reason, then I invite you to allow yourself to move on, regardless. Given the benefit of time, surely some good thing will come as a result of it. For now, I invite you to trust that God knew exactly what It was doing when it brought you this experience. I invite you to rest in the knowledge that God doesn’t make mistakes and that everything that happens is for your highest good, or it wouldn’t be happening. I invite you to take charge of your thoughts and stop thinking about past pains. Start thinking about how you would like to start living now. There is great power in keeping our focus on the present moment, for when we continually dwell on the past (or the future, for that matter) we are robbing ourselves of the potential joy we could be experiencing now. We are depriving ourselves of the gift of life, the gift of the present moment. We aren’t really living at all when we do this. If we have tried and tried to understand something and we still don’t, then we just have to drop it and get on with this thing called life.
Please read Neale’s book, Happier Than God. It contains 17 steps to being happy, and if you start to implement these, I promise you, it will change your outlook on life. Just as you have created your sadness by dwelling on sad thoughts, you can create happiness by dwelling on happy thoughts. You are the creator of your own reality, dear Cindy, and it’s time you take your life back. It’s time you re-claim the joy that is your birthright as a human being. Please, please read this book. I promise, if you follow its advice and if you take charge of your thoughts and refuse to dwell on the past anymore, you will feel happier and happier.
You have manifested a great job and a wonderful man before, so you have proof that you can do it. If you can do it once, you can do it again because you have the consciousness of it. It will be much easier to find another dream job and another life partner when you are coming from joy because you will radiate that out into the world. And speaking of radiating joy out into the world, maybe the best thing I can tell you is this: Conversations With God says, if you want more joy in your life, the fastest way to have it is to be the source of joy for another. Take your focus off yourself, and start focusing on how you can bring happiness to others. The paradox is, when you brighten someone else’s day, you end up brightening your own.
(Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Life Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com.
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
How can I heal the pain of my uncle’s death?
My name is Michael. I am a 37 year old man and nine days ago my very beloved uncle died. He was like a father to me. He always supported me, advised me, and was always so kind to me. When I was in trouble he always helped me. Now, after nine days since he left, I feel worse and worse. The pain I have in my heart is so terrible. How can I heal this pain, that I feel is killing me?
Dear Michael… First of all, please allow me to offer my condolences. I’m sure it must be terribly painful, losing the man who was like a father to you, who was so kind and loving to you. Any time we lose someone in our lives who we were very very close to, it leaves a huge hole in our hearts.
I would encourage you to allow yourself to fully feel all of the emotions that are naturally coming up for you, yet know that they won’t kill you. You see, even though it may feel terrible, grief is actually a blessing to us. It’s that emotion that lets us know that we have loved deeply. There is an age-old question that asks, “Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?” I think for me the answer is, it is better to have loved and lost. Imagine how different your life would have been had you not been blessed by your and your uncle’s mutual love for each other. I’m sure your life would be very different if he hadn’t been in your life, so yes, by all means, grieve for your loss. Allow yourself to cry or scream or whatever wants to be released in you as you are releasing him from your physical presence.
Please know, though, that just because your uncle is no longer with you physically doesn’t mean he isn’t with you spiritually. Neale’s wonderful book, Home With God: In A Life That Never Ends says that the moment we think of a dearly departed one, their soul flies to us in an instant! And although we can’t see them with our eyes, it doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. Sometimes, if we are highly attuned we can sense their presence.
Please also know that your uncle is your angel in heaven now. I promise you, he still loves you with all his heart, and is watching over you, blessing you and sending you his love. He may even try to find a way to let you know, by sending you a sign of some kind. If this happens and the thought crosses your mind that this could be him, please don’t disregard or disbelieve it. Allow yourself to entertain the possibility that he has reached out to you!
Trite as it may sound, time heals all wounds, dear Michael. Of course, time will never cause you to stop loving your uncle, but it can help you stop missing him so much. After you have allowed yourself to grieve fully, gradually start getting back into your normal routine of life. This will help assuage the acute feeling of loss you are experiencing now. And this is good, because I know your uncle wouldn’t want you to grieve forever. He wants what any father figure wants for their child (or nephew): for you to be happy.
Please buy a copy of Home With God and read it right away. It contains “18 Remembrances” that may change your understanding about the whole process of this thing we call “life and death”. When we understand what is really happening, we can be much more at peace about it.
If, after reading the book, you are still grieving very deeply, please reach out to one of the Conversations With God Life Coaches or one of the Spiritual Helpers at CWG Helping Outreach. I’ve included a link to the website below.
I send you much love, dear Michael, as, I’m sure, does your uncle. Blesséd be.
(Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Life Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com.
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
