When everything changes change everything
I have been having some serious family issues lately, and, I admit, the sound must carry to the neighbors. I have a religious neighbor (we obviously have very different views and parenting styles) who, out of the blue, came up to tell me, in a condescending way, that they pray for us all the time. She is so judgmental! Now, if it someone were to say that to you, how would you respond in a shove it up your you-know-what, kindly kind of way??
Hillery in Montana
Dear Hillery,
Very simply, I would thank her for her kind thoughts. And tell her I can use all the kind thoughts I can get!
I would also not assume that she is without drama/trauma in her own life, so I might also tell her that I would keep her in my prayers as well.
You referred to how judgmental she is…let her judge. You are also judging her. There is a difference between noticing what is, and being judgmental, BTW. When there is a negative emotion that attaches itself to our perception of the other person, as opposed to the action, we have moved into judgment. It is natural to react to this emotion. It is also likely clear to her that you feel this way, and that you don’t think that her way is okay. So, the cycle of judgment keeps going on and on.
But you can stop that cycle, Hillery, simply by noticing what you are doing, noticing that she is doing the best she can, and change your mind about her. How? Just take what she really means, (that she knows things are not perfect in your world, and you could likely use a little help), and throw out the doctrine and judgment she brings to it. That simple shift removes your judgment moving back at her.
There is a very good chance that she felt awkward about saying anything to you, and that she had to muster up the courage to speak to you. Further, is it also possible that your reaction to her words is your embarrassment in knowing that others know you are struggling, and are witnessing the drama? Is it possible that you don’t think it is okay what is happening in your life? We do seem to want the outside world to see only the perfect little family picture, don’t we?
Sweet Hillary, is it also possible that the judgment you are reacting to is your self judgment? If so, stop. Change your mind. Don’t let fear (embarrassment) and judgment hold you in place. Let the energy of her, in essence, saying, “You are not alone.”, be what flows through you. Know that Divinity does not expect perfection from you, because She thinks you are already perfect, no matter that it may appear it is not.
You may even wish to strike up a conversation with your neighbor, from a new perspective. Who knows, she may have been reaching out to you from her pain, and you may be able to help each other. This might actually be the perfect time to teach her a new prayer:
Thank you Creator/God, for letting me know that this problem has already been solved. Please help me now to see my part in that solution.
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.cwghelpingoutreach.com She may be contacted at: Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
I’m going to date myself here, but I grew up watching Laugh In and the Carol Burnett Show. I still laugh hysterically if I see a clip of Arte Johnson in his yellow raincoat riding a tricycle and simply tipping over or Ruth Buzzi as Gladys Ormphby. I can’t help but smile if I hear “Sock it to me!” or “Here comes the judge!” or “My name is Edith Ann and I’m six years old.” I get a bit teary eyed hearing “I’m so glad we had this time together” and I can’t think of Tim Conway without thinking of Harvey Korman. I remember sitting around the big colored TV in the living room with my entire family and not a minute went by without us at least chuckling.
The humor in those shows seemed innocent to me. Yes, some of it was stereotyped (like Goldie Hawn as the “dumb blond”) but as I remember it, it poked fun at humanity in general: at our foibles and quirks, at our idiosyncrasies and eccentricities. Individuals were not targeted for ridicule due to race, religion, orientation, nationality, political views or situations in which they may have found themselves embroiled. The shows (at least the comedy sketches on the Carol Burnett Show) were, for the most part, entirely staged just to make you laugh.
Several years after Laugh In and the Carol Burnett Show had been on the air, All in the Family first aired. This was, I believe, one of the first shows that intentionally used humor to illustrate the dangers and illuminate the hypocrisy of bigotry and intolerance. It was one of the first shows to use humor to increase the consciousness of the nation. M*A*S*H followed a year later and also used humor not only to raise our consciousness but also to make us aware of the horrors of war and show us how to use humor to cope with life’s daily ups and downs.
But M*A*S*H, along with two other shows that began that same year, Sanford and Son and Maude, also began to use humor to make fun of, embarrass, denigrate or mock individual characters in the show’s cast. Hawkeye’s relentless persecution of Frank Burns, Fred Sanford’s obvious dislike of his sister-in-law, Esther, and Maude’s disdain for anyone who was not a democratic women’s libber helped make laughing at someone one didn’t like or agree with acceptable. (I realize these shows were not the first: Don Rickles began his career in the 1950s and almost his entire act is centered around making fun of people. Not people in general but very specific people.)
Many years later, shows like Roseanne, while addressing social issues in much the same way as All in the Family, brought biting sarcasm and wilting diatribes against individuals, both real and fictional, into homes all around the world by the new technologies of cable and satellite TV broadcasts. Now, jokes or graphics making fun of celebrities, political parties, certain faiths, ethnicities, orientations, genders, weights— the list is literally endless— make their way around the world overnight via viral videos or graphics posted on the internet.
I don’t remember when I first began to question humanity’s use of humor. I do remember writing an article in the early 90s entitled “Prescription for Poison” in which I addressed the issue of humor and children. To a child who hears an “off-color” joke and sees Mom or Dad laugh at that joke, a seed is planted. After all, Mom and Dad don’t like lies, which make them angry, so if what they’re hearing is making them laugh, it must be the truth. And so stereotypes and prejudices and ignorance and hatred and intolerance are all planted in the minds of children without much thought by the adults around them.
I eventually decided that the only jokes I would tell would be those that involved any group to which I could claim membership. My reasoning was that I knew the pains and struggles of being a member of that group (overweight, gay, female, single mom, black sheep of the family, brainy, etc.) and I had no qualms poking fun of myself in good humor. I no longer find jokes about other groups funny if told by someone who does not belong to that group. (The only exception I make to this rule is that I will tell one very specific “dumb blonde” joke, but then the “dumb blonde” is not really a real group, although it is a stereotype.)
I hear people making fun of others while I’m standing in line at the grocery story or in the lounge at work or sitting in a waiting room at the doctor’s office or any place where strangers gather momentarily. And I hear people laugh not for the joy of laughing but at the expense of others. I have come to believe that many (most?) people nowadays use humor as a way in which to demonstrate to themselves that they are indeed not only different from but better than those they make fun of or laugh at.
Laughter really is one of the best medicines out there, but when laughing at others as opposed to laughing at oneself, I believe that laughter becomes more like a medication overdose, toxic to the human psyche. The level of toxicity in our humor is steadily increasing and has even reached lethal doses in some instances. Remember the international incident, involving violent protests in cities all around the world, after a Danish newspaper published cartoons of the prophet Muhammad?
Being able to laugh at ourselves, at the situations we humans create for ourselves, at how things that seem so “right” at the time can go so “wrong”— that kind of laughter can be a very healing experience. In “When Everything Changes, Change Everything”, Neale Donald Walsch writes, “The opportunity that we have every day is to look straight at what’s going on right now and smile and have a good laugh on ourselves and say, ‘It’s all good.’” (p. 226)
But note something. He says to “have a good laugh on ourselves.” Not on others. Laughing at our own “mistakes” and our own “failings” can be very healing. It demonstrates that we recognize that, A, we survived our “mistake,” B, that our “failing” taught us something valuable and increased our understanding of Who We Really Are and, C, that we can still be happy even when things appear to be “going wrong.” In other words, being able to laugh at ourselves demonstrates that we have reached a state of acceptance and that we’re still okay with ourselves despite making a “mistake” or “failing” at our latest endeavor. This is when humor becomes holy. When it is healing and healthy and brings happiness to everyone who hears it.
And now I have a confession to make. I laughed when I wrote the title of this article because I can’t help but hear it in Burt Ward’s voice, although he adds the word “Batman” at the end.
(Shelly Strauss is a civil rights activist and speaker. In addition to becoming an ordained minister, she has written 20-plus novels and is the “resident visionary” at One Spirit Project. Shelly is also a spiritual helper on the ChangingChange website, offering support and guidance to people faced with unexpected and unwelcome change .)
If you are already familiar with the “Conversations with God” material, more than likely you have one or two insights or messages contained within the Cosmology that are especially meaningful to you, something that, when you first heard it, resonated with such clarity and fullness that it caused a noticeable and significant shift in your life.
For me, one of the most profound concepts to flow out of the “Conversations with God” messages is the following:
Your life is not about you. Rather, your life is about those whose lives you touch.
I remember the exact moment these words came into my life. I recall the precise instant when everything I thought to be true until that point was turned upside down. I was attending a “When Everything Changes, Change Everything” retreat in 2007, sitting in a dimly lit room along with 75 other people from around the world, when I first heard these exact words: Your life is not about you.
Well, if my life was not about me, then what IS it about?
If my life was, rather, about those whose lives I touch, then what does that mean for me? There has got to be something in it for me in the whole and sometimes messy scheme of things, right? After all, aren’t I the one doing the heavy lifting in my life here? Again, still having a hard time completely accepting the “not about me” aspect in all of this.
But while my mind was twisting itself into pretzels, trying to make sense of this completely new ideology that was just introduced to me, the next words flowed into my life:
You see, there is only one of us in the room. So what you do for another, you do for yourself. What you do for yourself, you do for another. And that is because we are all One.
And there it was, placed gently before me, the message which redefined the purpose of my life, the spiritual wisdom which altered the way I interact and enter into relationships with others. I had always proclaimed to embrace the concept of “we are all one,” at least on an intellectual or cognitive level. But my skewed vantage point thus far hadn’t allowed me to know this experientially nearly as often or completely as I would have liked.
Life feels harder and more external to us when we are simply each out to get our own, when we place expectations upon what we think we deserve. On the other hand, haven’t we all experienced the perfection of a truly selfless gesture towards another? The pure joy and quiet bliss of being of service to someone in need, without expectation of anything in return? Aren’t these instances of “not about me-ness” the ones that propel us into our own greatness, demonstrating to us all that there is no faster way to have something in your life than just simply going out and choosing to be it?
Oh, boy, do I still have days where I think life is all about me. I have plenty of them. I have moments when I question everything I believe to be true. There are times when I cross paths with people who I am convinced are not only separate from me but I am quite certain they are working in direct contradiction to me, motivated by an entirely different energy source than the one I am fueled by, even though at the highest level of awareness I know that is simply not true.
But these are the gifts that life is consistently presenting to me, the golden nuggets of opportunity that surround me, even though I may not be able to readily see them and might even find myself resisting them. These are the moments when I get to decide who I really am. These are the times when I get to ask and answer some important questions: Why am I here, right here, right now, at this exact moment in time? Who is it I am here with and for? Who might life be calling upon me to be?
These are the instances when I remember…my life is not about me.
(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
Dear Therese,
Georgia here again. So what about the current state of affairs in this world? It is obvious, to me at least, that we are being lied to by so many that we have trusted to tell us the truth.
Take, for example, our weather patterns these days. Cloud formations that used to be rare are common place now. There is increasing evidence that the clouds are being chemically created. This brings us to two points. Barium and aluminum are being dropped on us something like 5000 times the norm. Just like gmo food, they are using us as guinea pigs to see the side effects. AND they are using the force of nature to the advantage of big business and government. I think they are purposely using these things to keep us scared and controlled. They are not using these things for the “good”. I think you would think long and hard about the effects of these chemicals if one of your kids was messed up in the head and the other other one couldn’t breathe bc of possibly being those guinea pigs.
We have the capability to manipulate something as big as the weather and it would be awesome. But now is no time to lay down and volunteer but a time to demand that we have a right to know what is being dumped on us. Because we lay down and take it, we are condoning to the “elites” that humanity has no value.
How are we to think of these things as spiritual opportunities??
Georgia
Wow! Georgia, I like that you are asking these questions! Putting the everyday reality into a spiritual perspective is sometimes very hard…almost impossible sometimes. Okay, I’ll give a spiritual explanation and some perspective on these things a shot here.
My thoughts: man can do just about anything. We can create and engineer even human life. Many think this to be a sin. Only God’s territory. As you know, I think we are all “gods”. (As CWG puts it, individuations of Divinity.) Engineering life, or engineering clouds, it isn’t about doing these things, but for what purpose they are being done. This, then, becomes a matter of individual and collective choice. Do I have a problem with engineered clouds being used to create water in a drought area? Or to recapture wasted water to refill the aquifers? No. Do I have a problem using them to cause destruction to profit big business and control the people? You betcha. So, personal and collective awareness is, as usual, the key (opportunity) to changing how we use our power…and that changes as we begin to view humanity as One. Realizing the butterfly effect is real. In Christian terms…what you do to the least of my brothers, you do unto me.
I would also urge you to keep open the possibility that at least some of these cloud/weather changes may be circumstantial, as opposed to insidious. Be very careful to avoid being sucked into the story of the way things are, and stay as much as possible in observing the facts (as you know them) of what you see.
Which actually takes me to the esoteric question of “why not”? If this life is but a continuation of life, and we really, as CWG states, have no life to lose, why not consciously agree to be the guinea pig to further the course of humanity? Why not volunteer?
Ahhh, there’s the key! We are NOT volunteering right now! But what if we were, for real, given that choice? Might that not change some things? Might life look more like an opportunity than it does now? What if we were told up front that there was going to be a section of this planet used to experiment on long term human effects?
Older people might volunteer to live in “chem zones” to give their children’s children a better life. Especially since much of the world is starving due to lack of rain for crops. We are sacrificing ourselves for far less noble things already.
Don’t mistake, please, that I think it is okay to be doing what they are doing, in the way they are currently doing things. Transparency…choice…is the key.
There is abundant room for changing how we look at life…and that’s exactly what this site is all about!
One more thought… An unfortunate statement about humankind is that sometimes the masses are so meek and compliant that it takes a “madman” to step out of the box…a person (or group of persons) who dares to even think something is possible! Now we sane, but outside the box thinkers, Spiritual thinkers, have (the opportunity) to either keep the madmen in check, show the madmen a better way (who he/she really is) or empower the masses. Or at least begin to en-mass allow the sane, outside the box thinkers/doers to not be reviled. Currently people are afraid of being relegated to the fringe of their families/societies/religion if they don’t stay inside those boxes. Portrayed as unpatriotic, heretics, crazy and or conspiracists. Make sure to look at your own views of others, and not disempower.
Georgia, in our search for a better way of living, we do have to be very alert to not falling into yet another power grab agenda masked in altruism. (Opportunities to Be discerning, careful, vigilant?) We must be careful of anyone who wants us to be fearful vs merely aware. I get the feeling that there are many agendas in play here, and many are proclaiming themselves to be the one and only “right” one. All of which means, to me, that we have to be “cafeteria Catholics” and pick what works from each, and figure out what is truly for the greater good…and create our world consciously from this point forward. Knowing that what works now most likely won’t entirely work, oh, two thousand years from now! We must now work the idea of change into our long term thoughts. The opportunity to create our own agenda…not all agendas are self serving and malevolent. We can include the thoughts of others and other ways.
On the subject of religion, and government, it is encouraging to see even the Pope and Rev. Pat Robertson changing their minds about homosexuality on even a minor level. The United States has made major attitude and legal changes in this area. This may seem off topic, Georgia, but it is all wrapped up in control…the ultimate control…of sexuality, and specifically the feminine energy….feminine energy and attempts to suppress it. Just look at television commercials geared for girls and toys for them. Absolutely ridiculous that still, in 2013, all the girl toys are make-up, hair playing with dolls, dolls to teach them how to be a mommy, brat dolls that are nothing but materialistic, fashion creating websites, jewelry making, hair extensions and color. Whereas the boys toys are geared around imagination and engineering!! We are “Madison Avenue-ed” into our roles from an early age. Warriors that are used to protect money and the status quo are called heroes and idolized. A woman who questions that status quo is a B word or worse…never spiritual, intuitive, peace-maker. The divine feminine is Mother, but not in the way it is currently portrayed. These times are giving us, I believe, our opportunity to create balance.
Georgia, the bottom line of what I am saying is that we do have control. We have control of how we think and feel about this world we live in. We can fall into the chaotic energies swirling about, or we can keep the perspective that we are the butterfly that can effect our world. We can become a conscious part of the collective, and influence that collective. We are being given many opportunities to choose how change happens. I believe we, as individuals, through our thoughts and actions, can not help but influence the direction of humanity.
Rudyard Kipling said it perfectly. (I know, I know, this post is getting really long, but I think it is an important topic!)
If—
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website atwww.ChangingChange.net . She may be contacted at: Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: ChangingChange.net offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
I would like to invite you to take a little test. This is not a difficult or complicated test. And it won’t take up a lot of your time. It is simply a fun experiment.
Perhaps some of you have taken this test before. But maybe there are quite a few of you have not.
Below is a short video. In the video, you will see four people wearing white clothing and four people wearing black clothing. You will be asked to count the number of times a person wearing white clothing passes the basketball to another person wearing white clothing.
At the end of the video, you will be given the answer so you can compare your findings to the correct number of passes.
(Please view the video before clicking “read more”)
I generally consider myself to be a person with a fairly high level of awareness, so I was humorously shocked to find out at the end of the video that I had “failed” this exercise completely.
And as a result of this interesting awareness test, my mind could not escape the burning question: If I missed something as seemingly obvious as a moon-walking gorilla dancing in the middle of a small group of eight people, what else might I not be noticing in the world around me as I go about the business of my day-to-day affairs?
Nearly every day, I drive home past the perimeter of a beautiful state park. It is a mile-long stretch of lush beautiful trees and other colorful varieties of Florida foliage. One afternoon, I saw a family of beautiful deer grazing in the tall wispy grass. It looked like a water-color painting, so peaceful, so natural, so perfect. Of all the previous days, weeks, and months of me driving home on this same road, sometimes even traveling on it twice a day, I had never before seen any deer. Ever.
Well, the next afternoon, during my regular commute home, I intentionally looked for the deer, determined to lay eyes upon this picturesque setting once again. And to my delight, and surprise, there they were again. Not the exact same number of deer; there were only two this time. And not in the exact same location; they were a hundred feet or so further down the road. But there they were, peacefully grazing in the tall wispy grass.
And on many occasions since that very first moment, I have seen deer along the side of the road. But it couldn’t be possible that the first time I saw these magnificent creatures was actually the first time they ever appeared there, could it?
Of course not. It was only the first time my awareness included them.
This experience was revolutionary for me and it stirred up quite a few questions: What else am I not seeing in life? Of all the events happening around me, why do some of them come into my awareness and others do not? Am I consciously choosing this? Or is it created by something other than me, being placed into the space of my existence? And the biggest question of them all: What does this mean?
Of course, the answer to that bigger question, as I’ve come to know, is one that can only be answered by me as a creation of my own choosing. For me, it means that there is much more going on here than what I currently see. It means that when I think I know what I need to know, if I expand my perspective to include more, I will allow myself to experience that I actually know more. Because I now understand that the way I view life is based upon my perspective. And my perspective provides the underlying support system which serves to create the reality I ultimately experience. The truth I hold, the thoughts I choose, and the emotions I experience are all sequentially tied into and foundationed upon the perspective from which I see things.
So as hard as I might to try to tell someone “how” something is, or when someone else gets frustrated because I don’t “see” things in a similar way, it is important to remember that a thing can only be seen in the same way when viewed from the same perspective.
We all have the ability to elevate our experience from one of a distorted reality (what we think is happening). We even have the ability to move beyond an experience of observed reality (what we can readily see happening) and closer to an experience of ultimate reality (what is actually happening). How do we do this? By expanding the perspective of the Mind to include the Wisdom of the Soul. It is from this vantage point that we will be given the opportunity to see without limitations, allowing us to embrace every aspect in our lives, including our relationships with each other, with a deeper understanding of what we have already always known.
For a more extensive look at the revolutionary Mechanics of the Mind/System of the Soul process, I invite and encourage you to read the book When Everything Changes, Change Everything, which offers extraordinary spiritual and practical insight into what “creating your own reality” truly means.
(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
Dear Therese,
My 85-year-old grandmother lives on her own and is in good health for her age, but with the heat of the summer upon us, I am worried for her. She just barely makes it by on her SS check, and can’t afford air-conditioning. I’m not in a position financially to take on her electric bill if she turned on the AC. I am married and have two children. I really like what Neale says about helping others, but what am I supposed to do?
Geena in TX
Dear Geena,
Let me begin with the practical things to do, that you may have already thought of….
I see you are in Texas, and I just moved from Houston, so I know that the power company has a program that encourages people to pay at least $1 extra to help seniors who cannot afford air-conditioning. Perhaps such a program exists in your area and you can help your mother apply for it? I also read that there is a federal program for such assistance.
( Paraphrased from an article called “The Savvy Senior,” by Jim Miller)
Next, make sure you are aware of the things, other than the actual heat, that contribute to the risk of heat-related illnesses, such as medications (diuretics, high blood pressure meds that can cause dehydration), being overweight, underlying illnesses like diabetes, certain heart issues, and trouble walking around.
Make yourself aware of how to prevent heat exhaustion. Don’t wear tight clothing. Hydrate, and avoid alcohol and caffeine. Take frequent cool showers, apply cool water and ice packs to your skin. Avoid sun exposure, and drink water even when you do not feel thirsty!
Spend time in public places, and check to see if your area has a local health department air-conditioned shelter.
Okay, that is the practical. How about the spiritual in all of this?
As you alluded to, CWG says that our purpose in life is to serve others. We must be sure of who we are, and fill ourselves, of course, but we do this so that we may serve others well.
With that in mind, have you and your husband considered asking your mother to live with you? Assuming this is possible. Even if you have limited space, many cultures share bedrooms. Grandchild and grandparent, for example. If not full-time move in, how about on particularly hot days or months? You have 2 children, and many believe (as does CWG) that by taking advantage of the wisdom of the elders, it lessens the burden on the parents, gives the children a much larger view of life, and gives the elders a purpose. In short, it models “we are all One” in a very real, close to home, way. In fact, it is the perfect way to change the current paradigm of separateness that permeates our western cultures these days. We can’t usually share what we believe with the whole world, but we can show our own children that there is a different way!
You would be serving your mother by doing any of the things mentioned above, but perhaps you might want to take the last step, too? Your mother’s pride might get in the way of her accepting the offer initially, but, if it is something you are willing to do, be sure to keep the offer open. Maybe even have a trial period. If she does move in, be open to change and new ways of doing things. This kind of situation does present challenges, but it also gives abundant opportunity for deciding who you really are…and acting on that decision.
Geena, you may find that your mother’s apparent helplessness is her greatest gift to you, to your children, and to the world.
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net . She may be contacted at: Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: ChangingChange.net offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
Dear Therese,
I see Neale, and others, talking about world peace, but I sure don’t see much peace around me these days. I hear them talking, talking, talking, but what am I supposed to do? Where are the leaders like Martin Luther King and Ghandi and Mandela for NOW, and for moving forward? Who is going to lead ME? I am confused as to what I can do!
Jason in Detroit
Dear Jason,
I think any rational person sometimes takes a look around at this world and feels hopeless. The energy does feel pretty overwhelming. But here’s what I believe. I believe that there may never be “leaders” in the same manner there were in the past. I think they had their place in space and time, and were necessary, because it wasn’t time for the next step…for ALL of us to be leaders.
We no longer require a specific leader to be the genesis of change. In fact, we no longer have to know just who was the first to promote and work for an idea, because now an idea whose time has come can spread across the world in seconds with no one having to know who first thought it.
It does mean that we all get to choose, instantly, whether or not we are going to “Be the change we wish to see.” Are we going to follow the example of those brave souls who were recognized as leaders, and allow them continue to lead us into our own power?
We can choose how we feel about it all. We can choose to give up and just let it all happen, or we can choose to do something about what we see. For me, even if I never “succeed” at changing the world, just the fact that I don’t give up gives my life purpose and meaning. I will know, at the very least, that I have exampled for my children, and grandchildren, what I feel the world should look like…and maybe THEY will be the ones who change things.
In any case, we could all, literally, because all of the negativity of this world, stay in bed, under the covers, and be depressed, or we could choose to talk to everyone we meet with a smile on our faces, engage them in conversation, and let all know that we are doing our best to live differently than the energy we feel around us. We could invite them to join us by simply living our lives joyously, and encouraging them to live their lives as joyously as possible as well!
And lead. By our own example and power.
And maybe you, or I, will be the genesis of the next great paradigm shift…and never have to know it.
We may be the first Domino. (Hey, it could happen!)
When a waitress or waiter asks me if they can do anything else for me, I always say, “Yes, you can give me peace!”, and then a conversation (short or long) ensues about how each of us must first create peace in ourselves, and how peace spreads from our own peacefulness. I actually had a really long conversation about just that when I went out to dinner yesterday! And I have the conversation in grocery stores and when standing in lines. As a matter of fact, if someone really wants to talk, the one question that really gets the conversation going comes from right here, The Global Conversation.
“How is it that 7 billion people, all claiming to want the same things…are not able to achieve them?” (By the way, have you read Neale’s book, “The Storm Before the Calm”?)
I believe that “talking, talking, talking” really is the answer, but it has to move off the page and into our personal being and radiate outward to our own corners of the world first.
So don’t be afraid to be confused. It is my opinion that being confused, being mad, or being afraid are all simply signals that we should look at things in a different way…because if the current way is making you confused/angry/afraid, it obviously isn’t really working for you! Consider, if you will, what might work for you. In what way might you be getting called to lead?
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net, which offers spiritual assistance from a team of Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less, and offers insight, suggestions, and companionship during moments of unbidden, unexpected, unwelcome change on the journey of life. She may be contacted at Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
Well, I turn 50 today. March 6, 1963, sure doesn’t seem like that long ago! And it certainly doesn’t seem possible that I have spent 50 years in this body. It doesn’t feel 50, it doesn’t think 50, and, wink-wink, I am sure you will all agree that it doesn’t look 50! But the math doesn’t lie, and so today I celebrate my 50th year in this physical form. I have been reflecting a lot these past few months as this day approached. You know, if you read my column, that it has been an especially challenging time for me personally. It has also been a time of great growth and, as hard as this was to see, a time of great change…that is, change that I now see as change for the better.
Change is always for the better, whether or not you can see it in the moment. Once again, that has become true for me. Part of the reason it was hard for me to see was because it was unwanted and unexpected change. But even that, maybe especially because of that, the changes that have happened in my life have created the conditions for me to step into a larger and grander version of myself. While it hasn’t been easy, I spent the last half of last year using all of the tools (and I do mean ALL of them) that I have gathered since I began looking for deeper meaning and understanding of this thing called life. The best news is, they worked! And that has presented me its own Birthday gift.
Having wisdom and using your wisdom are two different experiences. Knowing how to move through challenging times does not guarantee that you will use your knowledge during those challenging times. Knowing vs. using knowledge have two very different outcomes. I am clear that I would not be writing to you this very day without the latter.
So many gifts have been made available to me as a result of all that has happened. I am happy to say I chose to use the same tools I would offer anyone moving through challenging times. Like for example, I didn’t go it alone. Instead, I chose to ask for help. I didn’t reject my feelings, but rather I embraced them even though they were very painful. I didn’t stuff my emotions with any kind of addictive substances or behaviors, but rather expressed them when they came up. I didn’t hide from the truth, but rather faced it and eventually accepted it, because not to do so was more painful. All of these things, and more, were the pieces of wisdom that I have gathered along the way, moving through other tough times, gathering strength and courage to face the next. Perhaps the greatest gift was the knowing that no matter what, I would be all right. Even though I didn’t feel it, I somehow knew that it would all work out. Even though my life as I knew it was falling apart before my eyes, I also knew that I could pick up the pieces that I really wanted to keep and let the others fall away with grace.
Yes, the last many months have been challenging and wonderful all at the same time. I experienced what the book “Happier Than God” offers, that happiness and sadness are not mutually exclusive; that is to say, it is possible to be happy and sad at the same time. Contemplate that for a moment. Consider it for a while. The implications of this statement could change everything for you. Think of a time when you may have experienced being happy to be sad. I am experiencing it right now. I am happy that I am sad about the losses I am moving through. It speaks deeply of who I am and who I am choosing to be. This experience has made it clear to me that I love deeply, and that when the loss of a loved one occurs, the experience I feel is a direct reflection of who I really am…love. And I wouldn’t want it to be any other way.
A new day has dawned in my life, or perhaps it has just dawned on me that all I have been through has prepared me well for the new life now presenting itself. I am not only ready for the new challenges that I face, but I am excited to “Carpe Diem,” or “seize the day”!
I have been presented with so many opportunities that I am grateful for. Gratitude is a powerful part of the recipe for transforming any experience, especially ones we might perceive as negative. All painful experience comes from a point of view or thought that “this shouldn’t be happening right now.” When you argue with reality, reality wins. The opposite possibility is, of course ,“this should be happening right now,” especially because it is. Accepting reality doesn’t mean you give up the ability to respond to it. Who you choose to be in relationship to the events in your life will create your experience and reality of them. So if it sucks right now, look in the mirror and ask, “How is this response working out for me?” If it sucks, would you be willing to change your mind, point of view, or perspective? Would you be willing to consider the possibility that more will be revealed? The revealing will change everything, including how you hold this experience currently. I hope you will, for that willingness and decision to do so will set you on a path to peace.
I am grateful to say that I am at peace today. I am grateful for all that has happened to me in my 50 years here. I look forward to what I will co-create with the universe in the next 50…and beyond. I am excited about the opportunities that have presented themselves to me as the space has become available for these new things to arrive. I understand now that only when there is space available can the new opportunities become realized. I can now accept these new things in my life because I have accepted the reality of what was and have done my part to create a reality of peace, rather than pain, in relationship to all of it.
Pain is mandatory only because it is instructive. Pain shows you the paths in life that do not work for you. Pain is the opposite of truth. It didn’t say “know the truth, it will cause you pain!” No. Truth sets you free! Pain presents the opportunity to see the truth in its opposite form. All I had to do was turn it around and move in the other direction.
There are only two choices in any moment and only two possible outcomes from those two choices. Both are instructive if you only pay attention. One is a path to peace and the other is a path of pain. The choice is always yours which path you take. When you find yourself on a path of pain, turn around, go the opposite direction, make a change in course. Pain is God and Life attempting to show you that you are going the wrong way.
It reminds me of my favorite scene from “Planes Trains and Automobiles” when the two unlikely travelers (John Candy and Steve Martin) end up unknowingly driving down the wrong side of the interstate. A panicked couple on the other side are yelling at the two, “YOU ARE GOING THE WRONG WAY!” which, just before the predictable disaster strikes, our two sarcastically say, “How would they know where we are going?” Don’t ignore your pain! Life sends you the signs if you are going the wrong way, and pain is one of its greatest tools.
I am happy to say I am not in pain on this day, my Birthday, and that I am paying attention to the signs. I hope you are, too! I hope you are feeling the joy that is you today, for if you are alive and reading this, you have much to be happy and grateful for. We all do. If not, consider reaching out. That is why I am here.
Finally, I would like to share one of the best Birthday gifts I have received this week. It came in the form of an opportunity to share my experience, strength, and hope with another. My work is one of my greatest joys in life, and it certainly is what I came here to be and do this time around. Over the years of counseling and coaching, I have received many of these kinds of expressions, which have always far outweighed any amount of financial compensation I might receive. All have touched me deeply, causing me to clearly know that what I am up to is exactly what I was meant to come here and do. I am grateful every day I get to be there for another. And when they find the answers within that change everything, well, there are no words.
Here was a recent note posted on the website built especially for the book “When Everything Changes Change Everything” (www.changingchange.com):
“I reached out to the Changing Change network 2 days ago trying to connect with someone who could help me understand some of the things that I am going through in life right now. I was taking Neale’s advice in When Everything Changes Change Everything to “change my decision to ‘go it alone’”. I sent an email requesting info and just a few hours later I got a reply directly from JR Westen, the lead Coach on the Changing Change site, as well as on Neale Donald Waslch’s site, and the Director of the Conversations with God Foundation. He suggested that I call his office and schedule a free consultation with him to try to find a solution to the challenges I am facing. In his email, he wrote, “I have yet to meet a problem that did not come with a solution and a gift.” So, I scheduled the consult anxious to find out what he would think the “gift” is in my situation.
The next day JR called me at the scheduled time and at first I was a bit apprehensive about telling my story to a complete stranger but before long I realized for sure that he was not going to judge me but was there to listen and help me see some things that I was missing. I am the type who seldom discusses her problems with others but I felt extremely comfortable opening up. I felt like I was talking to a friend. He really gave me some much needed insight and helped me to look at the issues from a healing point of view. In fact, before my conversation with JR, I felt that I was experiencing what could very well have been the worst day of my life; after the conversation, I could not remember that feeling and I was able to have a great day.
I will continue to connect with the Changing Change Network and use the opportunity for coaching whenever I need an impartial nonjudgmental look at my situation to help me see my way through. He understood that I cannot afford to pay the consultation fee right now and is still willing to work with me.
I am writing this post to share my experience so that all of you out there who are going through adversity and want to connect for life coaching or grief counseling or whatever will not be afraid to reach out to the coaches at Changing Change. This is one of the most powerful services offered here, take advantage of it.
Much Love…”
These are the kinds of Birthday gifts I really love and appreciate. This is why I am so excited, especially about what my life is presenting me right now. This day was made possible by the pain of yesterday and the inevitable growth and healing it birthed. I am reborn this day anew and full of gratitude. Not a bad 50th Birthday gift! No, not bad at all…
(J.R. Westen, D.D., C.A.d, is a Holistic Health & Spiritual Counselor who has worked and presented side-by-side with Neale Donald Walsch for over a decade. He is passionate about helping individuals move beyond their emotional and spiritual challenges, transforming breakdowns into breakthroughs. His counseling and coaching provides practical wisdom and guidance that can be immediately incorporated to shift one’s experience of life.
As is true for most impactful teachers, J.R.’s own struggles and triumphs inspired him to find powerful ways of helping others. Sober since June 1, 1986, J.R.’s passion for helping individuals move through intense life challenges drove him to also specialize in Addiction and Grief Recovery.
J.R. currently shares his gift of counseling & coaching with individuals from around the world through the Wellness Center, Simply Vibrant, located on Long Island N.Y. In addition, he operates “Change House” a place where people come to transform. He also works with Escondido Sobering Services and now serves as the Director for the Conversations with God Foundation. He can be contacted at JR@CWG.ORG or JR@theglobalconversation.com, or to book an appointment, write support@simplyvibrant.com.)
Dear Therese,
A friend and I have been doing things together twice a week for almost ten years. We enjoy our time together and have many things in common, but that’s not the problem. My problem is that I always drive, because she doesn’t, and she has never once offered to pay me for gas. Until recently that wasn’t an issue, because the places we like to go are in her area, but I am on a fixed income and would sure like to keep costs down for me, and there are things much closer to me that I could go to, instead of by her. How do I tell her?
W.H. in Wisconsin
Dear W.H.,
The simple answer, W.H., is tell her exactly what you just told me! You’ve given no indication that she is abusive or unreasonable, which probably means that she has likely fallen into the habit of letting you pay. Is it possible that when this arrangement began you consistently told her it was your pleasure, or no problem, or you liked doing this? Sweetie, if you don’t speak up, you will never know if there really is a problem! It could be that she is very willing to pay and just doesn’t know circumstances have changed for you.
Your predicament is a microcosm of a much larger social problem, of course. We are encouraged to give, but not told why. The “why” is because this life isn’t about us, it is about how our lives touch and improve the lives others (put very simply, of course). What we aren’t really told these days is that all benefits must be mutual. The mutual ultimately boils down to the joy of giving, but being the human beings that we are, it often takes something a little more concrete to demonstrate mutuality. For sure it means that one person can not take advantage of another. When generosity is abused, the energy of the relationship changes, and we feel it.
Then comes the next predicament. We are also told that we have to be nice. We are encouraged to avoid conflict. We are fearful that other people won’t like us. None of these things are necessarily wrong, until they stop us from being true to ourselves. When we stop being true to ourselves, W.H., we also stop giving from our joy, and our giving becomes tainted.
When our giving no longer comes from our joy, as is demonstrated in your case, it affects relationships. Your friend, W.H., has no way of knowing that something has changed unless you tell her. Chances are she suspects, by your behavior, or some subtle changes in you, but she can not really know until you tell her your truth. I suggest you tell her very gently, but directly, that your circumstances have changed. Don’t just stop doing things with her and go to places closer without giving her a chance to give back to you. Who knows, she may have been hiding information from you about her finances or other things, and may wish to talk to you, too. This one thing may actually open up a whole new avenue of communication between the two of you and move you two into a whole new level of mutual benefit.
We just never know where standing in our own truth, even in seemingly simple things, will take us!
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net, which offers spiritual assistance from a team of Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less, and offers insight, suggestions, and companionship during moments of unbidden, unexpected, unwelcome change on the journey of life. She may be contacted at Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
Dear Therese,
I am at the time of my life where I realize I have far fewer years behind me than ahead of me, and I have to admit I am afraid of death. I have always been afraid of death. Even when I was young, and practicing my religion I never thought death was anything except just stopping. I would like to believe something else, but right now I just believe death is forever nothingness, and I think about it a lot.
Nancy in St. Paul
Dear Nancy,
Increasingly there is evidence that there is life after death, due to things like near death experiences, but it is still very contradictory at best. Some think it concrete evidence, some think it evidence of what our bodies do when under certain conditions and stresses. I happen to think it is not strictly chemical.
Getting to the very basics of science, energy can never go away, it can only change form, right? Which means, if nothing else, we will continue on for sure, even if not in the form we are experiencing right now. Not very comforting, though, is it?
I also happen to resonate with things in the CWG world…go figure! In “Home With God, in a life that never ends” Neale Donald Walsch talks with God about death. One of the things that seems most true, given the anecdotal evidence mentioned above, is that what we believe about death is what we will experience after we die. If we believe in hell, or, in your case, nothingness, that is exactly what we will experience…until we decide we have finished this particular human experience all the way to its completion, and are ready to meet up with the All (God, if you will), and choose again. We can choose to do the same life again, or we can choose one of the infinite possibilities that exist called “The Life of Nancy.” Or we could stay with Creator, but that isn’t likely, because the urge to experience what we know would be very alluring.
Part of what I hear you saying, though, Nancy, is that you have a particular attachment to this body, and this mind. What if I were to tell you that it is also suggested in “The Only Thing That Matters,” by Neale, that we change form for a bit, but that we ultimately reunite with this same mind/body/soul that we now are? Our form changes energy, much like snowflake to rain to ice to vapor and back to snow. It is all the same thing, but different forms, and we will resume our form as well. For me this is comforting, and explains a lot of my feelings of been-there done-that!
Of course, as is glibly said, there’s no getting away from the fact that we are going to die, but that does not mean that we have to dwell in the fear of it either. Ultimately it is just another change in a life that is nothing but change…each change can be called a little death, and, if you are like me, you can also look back and see that each “little death” opened up the pathway for something else. I think it is pretty cool to sit and imagine what that “something else” will be after the change called my physical death!
Nancy, I hope that you can imagine that, too, and choose to live this life consciously and with joy, and not waste it through living fearfully…although, you will get the chance to do it again if you’d like!
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net, which offers spiritual assistance from a team of Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less, and offers insight, suggestions, and companionship during moments of unbidden, unexpected, unwelcome change on the journey of life. She may be contacted at Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
