January, 2013
The wonderful administrator of the CWG Foundation, and my dear, dear friend and worker in the vineyard for these past 18 years — Patty Hammett — celebrated her Continuation Day today, leaving her body just an hour and a half ago. Very few of you here knew her, but if you have been touched in any important or wonderful way by the Conversations with God material, you can thank Patty for having been a HUGE part of that in more ways than you will ever know. Thank you, my sweet friend. And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest…
with love…Neale.
Day after day, week after week, month after month, and year after year, hundreds of thousands of people travel from all corners of the globe to the small southeastern European country of Croatia to communicate with a man named Braco, to engage in a unique “conversation,” if you will, that surpasses spoken words, an interaction which has demonstrated itself to be impervious to religious preferences, nationality, race, age, sexual orientation, gender, or any other brand of identifier we could place upon ourselves. These exchanges do not even discriminate against those who have little or no financial ability…as they are completely free to every single person who wants to attend.
Braco does not speak, he does not make physical contact with anyone, nor does he use any type of nonverbal suggestions.
He simply gazes silently into each and every person’s eyes.
For 5 to 7 minutes, in a room filled with people, the only form of communication taking place is a silent gaze into each other’s eyes, where participants can see themselves reflected back through Braco’s eyes, connecting to something greater than themselves. And while Braco does not claim to be a healer, but rather a flow-through of the positive and beautiful feelings and energy which we all carry within us, thousands profess to have experienced significant transformations in their life after a silent gazing event.
As with many nontraditional forward-thinking concepts, these gazing events have not gone without criticism by skeptics and nonbelievers. But why are thousands of people flocking to this man, yearning for this experience? My intention for writing about this phenomenon is not intended to be an advertisement for Braco, but rather he caused me to reflect upon and explore more deeply how we could apply this very same methodology in our own personal relationships right here, right now, without the need to embark on a pilgrimage to Croatia.
The way we choose to communicate in our relationships determines and changes the way we experience our relationships. We are pretty good at speaking our minds when we have something to say, but how good are we at using our bodies to communicate? If our body language is not in harmony with our words, is our message being conveyed the way we would like to believe it is? And when someone is communicating with us, are we “gazing” in their eyes? Are we leaning in to them? Are we being a “flow-through” for the energy exchange taking place…or are we resembling something more like a brick wall?
I am sure we can all come up with several instances where the loving glance of a parent reassured us or the pinched brow of a partner conveyed feelings of hurt, without the necessity of words. So often we drift out of the present moment, excitedly gathering our thoughts about what we want to say next, perched so closely on the edge of telling our story that we even go so far as to actually talk over the sacred expression of another. How can we receive if we do not create the space of silence for it to be placed within? How can we truly hear if we are striving so desperately to be heard?
In the most heartfelt and intimate of conversations with our loved ones, we are more apt to settle into a space of intention and commit to being fully present and open and available. But what prevents us from entering into that space with all of our relationships? Our co-workers, our parents, our neighbors, our children, each and every person we encounter each and every day?
Perhaps Braco is really on to something here. Hundreds of thousands of people from around the world seem to think so. Maybe we as a society are too busy talking, writing, thinking, intellectualizing, planning, analyzing, and strategizing. Perhaps it is in the stillness of our being and in the reflection of each other’s eyes that we hold the ability to understand each other on a level never before experienced.
And if we are willing to consider that possibility, could it then be possible that the answer to the question that would change life as we know it on our planet — “How is it possible that 6.9 billion people can all claim to want the same thing (peace, security, opportunity, prosperity, happiness and love) and be singularly unable to get it?” — could also be found not within our words, but rather within the sacred and silent gaze of our eyes?
(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
I am losing another friend to cancer…another dear friend and cancer is the culprit. I’m sick of it! I have stopped counting the losses, there have been so many, several just in this last year for me. I’m sick of it!! Yeah, I’m angry at you cancer, heart disease, diabetes, addiction…and I’m not gonna take it anymore! You have killed enough of my friends and I’m over it. If you are a friend of mine and you are behaving in a way that contributes to disease, I’m going to get in your face…that was fair warning. I am going to be that person who annoys the crap out of you, especially about those behaviors that do not serve you – you know, the ones that contribute to dis-ease rather than health.
YES, I’M TALKING TO YOU…
YOU, who are reading this right now, this is a message for you. Don’t stop reading, you know this was meant for you. I’m that uncomfortable feeling, here to once again get your attention, here to remind you to clean up your act. This is a personal message from me, and the universe, directly to you: Wake up to the lifestyle choices you are making that we both know contribute to things that shorten your life. Like Smoking. STOP IT. Just stop it. Don’t tell me, “I know, I know, I shouldn’t smoke,” and then go out and smoke another, NO. STOP IT RIGHT NOW.
I’m sick of it!!! We are all sick of it. I have watched too many people I love die of Cancer, COPD and other related illness because they wouldn’t go through the minor discomfort of quitting smoking. CANCER IS FAR MORE UNCOMFORTABLE! Trust me. I’ve seen it too many times. You don’t want to die that way, nor do you want to live with the treatment of it, either. YOU DON’T!
What’s behind it all…
As an addictionologist, I will tell you that addiction is the number one killer in America. Wait, isn’t heart disease the number one killer? According to the CDC it is. But what’s behind it? What causes heart disease? Addiction to the lifestyle choices that contribute to, or outright cause, heart disease. Addiction is the number one killer and heart disease is it’s first path of least resistance. Addiction in part is defined as: “continued use of any substance or behavior despite negative consequences”. The ultimate consequence being death.
BUT GOOD NEWS…
You can avoid that heart attack. Heart disease is completely preventable! You don’t catch it, you create it. If you can create it, you can prevent it. You can avoid future heart problems by adopting a healthy lifestyle right now! YES again, this means you! Don’t make me come over there!
Here are some heart disease prevention tips to get you started and to save you from my wrath.
Don’t smoke or use tobacco!
I think we covered that above, but it’s worth repeating. STOP IT!
Smoking or using tobacco is one of the most significant risk factors for developing heart disease and cancer there is. Chemicals in tobacco damage your heart and blood vessels, leading to narrowing of the arteries (atherosclerosis). Atherosclerosis leads to a heart attack. No amount of smoking is safe. And there is no safe exposure to secondhand smoke, either. Stop killing your friends and family too. STOP IT!
In addition, the nicotine in cigarette smoke makes your heart work harder by narrowing your blood vessels and increasing your heart rate and blood pressure. Carbon monoxide in cigarette smoke replaces some of the oxygen in your blood. This increases your blood pressure by forcing your heart to work harder to supply enough oxygen. Even “social smoking” while at a bar or restaurant is dangerous and increases the risk of heart disease and cancer. Addiction is far too often built into social norms, which is why we have come to accept heart disease and cancer as the top 2 killers in America. You don’t need a cig break, you need a break from cigarettes.
If you are smoking I am going to assume you are on fire and I will immediately put you out. I wonder how many buckets of ice cold water it would take to make you smoke free? Something to ponder…
The good news is that when you quit smoking, your risk of heart disease drops dramatically. And no matter how long or how much you smoked, you’ll start reaping rewards as soon as you quit. WHICH IS NOW!!!
Eat a Heart Healthy Diet of Plant Based Foods – the Health Benefits of Phytonutrients …
There are staggering mortality rates associated with serious health conditions such as heart disease, stroke, and cancer, the focus on prevention and nutrition has become more important than ever. All one has to do is read the last few months of my columns in the archive and follow the simple life changing advice to build a fortress of protection that dis-ease can’t penetrate.
Phytonutrients are the foot soldiers in that fight. Phytonutrients are the chemicals derived from plants and are very similar in composition to antioxidants. Phytonutrients come from plants that are suitable for human consumption. Though phytonutrients are not considered essential nutrients, science is discovering they provide health benefits that can help prevent the development of a myriad of conditions and diseases. Numerous studies have revealed that these plant chemicals actually protect tissues and cells from free radicals and their harmful effects. In essence, if you eat a variety of fresh vegetables and fruits, you will obtain the benefits of phytonutrients.
The best way to obtain the health benefits of phytonutrients is to go mostly raw, organic and colorful. That is, follow a diet that includes a significant amount of colorful fruits and vegetables. For example, Lycopene is a type of carotenoids that is prevalent in tomatoes, and is one such phytonutrient that has been recently been determined to produce health benefits. There is strong evidence that shows that it is beneficial for preventing the development of heart disease and other illnesses.
Other foods that contain significant levels of phytonutrients include garlic, beans, berries, and whole grains. A diet rich in fruits, vegetables, and whole grains can help protect your heart. Beans, other low-fat sources of protein can also reduce your risk of heart disease.
Limiting certain fats you eat is also important. Of the types of fat we consume — saturated, polyunsaturated, monounsaturated and trans fat — saturated fat and trans fat increase the risk of coronary artery disease by raising blood cholesterol levels. You will find these in foods that are fast, cheap and easy and come in a box…get out of that box! Just because they call it food doesn’t mean you should eat it. Look on the label for the term “partially hydrogenated” to avoid trans fat.
Omega-3 fatty acids, a type of polyunsaturated fat, decrease your risk of heart attack, and lower blood pressure. Some fish, such as salmon are a good natural source of omega-3s – (but watch out for GMO salmon, which come with their own risks). Omega-3s are present in smaller amounts in flaxseed oil, walnut oil, soybean oil and canola oil, and they can also be found in supplements. ( supplements I recommend are a good omega, vitamins B & D3 – the rest of what you need will come from a healthy diet)
Heart-healthy eating isn’t just about cutting back on the crap, though. Most people need to add more fruits and vegetables to their diet, with a goal of five to 10 servings a day – or better yet, just make it your every meal. And this doesn’t mean on the side, this means as your main course. Eating fruits and vegetables can not only help prevent heart disease, but also help prevent cancer and every other dis-ease.
Clearing up another myth…
Following a heart-healthy diet also means avoiding drinking alcohol…there is no RDA for alcohol consumption. Contrary to popular belief, there is no beneficial alcohol consumption….yes including wine. If you want the benefits of grapes, eat grapes. If you are going to drink, keep it to a minimum. AND if you are an addict, a minimum means NONE!
Exercise for at least 30 minutes a day…
Getting some regular, daily exercise can reduce your risk of heart disease big time. And when you combine physical activity with other lifestyle measures, such as creating and maintaining a healthy weight, the benefits are even greater. Physical activity helps you control your weight and can reduce your chances of developing other conditions that may put a strain on your heart, such as high blood pressure, high cholesterol and diabetes. It also reduces stress, which is known to be a factor in disease.
Try getting at least 30 to 60 minutes of moderately intense physical activity most days of the week. And remember that other activities such as gardening, housekeeping, taking the stairs and walking the dog, all count. You don’t have to exercise strenuously to achieve benefits, but you can see bigger benefits by increasing the intensity, duration and frequency of your workouts. Yoga is one of my favorites.
The importance of maintaining a healthy weight…
As you put on weight in adulthood, your weight gain is mostly fat, rather than muscle. This excess weight can lead to conditions that increase your chances of heart disease — high blood pressure, high cholesterol and diabetes. Even a small weight loss can be beneficial. Reducing your weight by just 10 percent can decrease your blood pressure, lower your blood cholesterol level and reduce your risk of diabetes, which is also on the top ten list of the things that kill.
One of my favorite reads last year was Eat to Live by Dr. Joel Furhman. Within his book is a comprehensive look at the benefits of eating a plant-based diet. He also dispels the myth of other popular diets that don’t work. Far too often MD’s know little about nutrition. Not true for Dr. Furhman.
Well, there you have it. I guess I have ranted enough for a New Year. I am just so sick and tired of losing people I love to avoidable health issues. You know who you are. You know this was a message directly for you. Get off your butt and get moving toward a healthier life right now. Like any bad habit, 3 weeks from now you will have begun to rewire your brain to a new healthier habit. 3 weeks, folks! And after 90 days you own it! Three months to a new you…
Need help? That is why I am here. I help people create successful transformation in their lives by overcoming what seems insurmountable; you won’t overcome it on the couch. Get off your butt and get going. Reach out, you can speak to me for nothing and see if having a coach in your corner wouldn’t change everything.
YOU CAN DO IT…Don’t make me come over there!
You can. It was love that made me do it. It is love that drives my passion for health and wellness. It is love that will heal you. The love of yourself enough to make choices and decisions that not only benefit you, but everyone around you. Love is always the answer. – With love, JR
(J.R. Westen, D.D. is a Holistic Health & Spiritual Counselor who has worked and presented side-by-side with Neale Donald Walsch for over a decade. He is passionate about helping individuals move beyond their emotional and spiritual challenges, transforming breakdowns into breakthroughs. His coaching provides practical wisdom and guidance that can be immediately incorporated to shift one’s experience of life. As is true for most impactful teachers, J.R.’s own struggles and triumphs inspired him to find powerful ways of helping others. Sober since June 1, 1986, J.R.’s passion for helping individuals move through intense life challenges drove him to also specialize in Addiction and Grief Recovery. J.R. currently shares his gift of counseling & coaching with individuals from around the world through the Wellness Center, Simply Vibrant, located on Long Island N.Y. In addition, he operates “Change House” a place where people come to transform, he also works with Escondido Sobering Services and serves on the Board of Directors for the Conversations with God Foundation. He can be contacted at JR@theglobalconversation.com, or to book an appointment, write support@simplyvibrant.com.)
My friends and some of my family members think I am selfish because I am honest with them when I don’t want to do something or attend a function I’m invited to. They tell me I only think of myself, I only do things for myself, and that if I’m not careful I’m going to find myself all alone one day soon. I’m conflicted because I don’t want to hurt their feelings, or be disliked or alone, but I don’t feel I’m in the wrong for speaking my truth. How do I make them understand?
Julia, London
Hi Julia,
I’ve heard it be said that selfishness is the vibrational alignment with self, and that is never a bad thing. I happen to see selfishness as a good thing, actually, when used in the right context. Everyone is responsible for themselves, and most unhappiness comes from the belief that we are responsible for the happiness and well-being of others. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a wonderful thing to bring happiness and well-being to others, by doing so we receive the same thing. But the distinction lies is whether or not we are responsible to do so. We’re not. Each soul on this planet came here with its own agenda, to experience particular things, and each soul knows what it’s doing. Therefore, being “selfish”, or as I look at it, paying special attention to the soul’s desire or agenda, is not a bad thing at all.
So what if doing what’s best for you, or “being selfish” appears to hurt another? I’ve also heard it be said to “speak your truth, yet soothe your words with peace.” Take a moment to evaluate how you are speaking your truth to others. Do you sometimes come across as harsh, indignant, condescending maybe? If so, ask yourself how you can soothe your words with peace when expressing what you desire. In terms of “making them understand”, well, I’m afraid that’s just not possible, Julia. We can’t make anyone do anything – remember, it is not we who are responsible for the reaction of another, that is completely up to them. But there is great comfort and peace in knowing that you have been true to yourself, you have spoken your truth with great kindness and compassion, and have chosen to show up as authentically you, regardless of how another chooses to react. There is also great freedom in allowing another their own experience. It’s one of the best gifts you can give another.
Also keep in mind that when people are upset with you, or don’t like something you are doing, you are giving them the gift of deciding who they are in respect to that. And they’re reaction to you gives you the same opportunity. And finally, sometimes we simply “grow in a different direction” with some people in our lives, when the purpose of your relationship has been served. You may want to take a moment to ask yourself the difficult question of whether or not that applies to some of the people you are referring to. And if this continues to be in an issue, this lack of understanding one another, that is, with certain people who you’d like to keep in your life, consider getting some counseling or a mediator involved to help close that gap in understanding.
This isn’t an easy topic, this business of relating with those closest to us, it’s always a bit of a hot button. But remember that you are responsible for YOU and only you, and if you are making choices from a place of authenticity, honesty and alignment, than you’re doing pretty darn well as far as I’m concerned. Hope this helps.
P.S. You may want to read about the 5 Levels of Truth, covered in “When Everything Changes, Change Everything”. It offers great clarity around all of this speaking our truth to others business.
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
We may as well face some facts. Back in the old days people would be born, live and die in the same village. Everyone they knew was of the same nationality, ate the same kinds of food, wore similar clothes and, most likely, was of the same religion. Some may have been vaguely aware that other cultures exist, but lacking any real contact with them, it was almost as if people from those other cultures were not really real. Back then it was common and acceptable to perceive one’s own culture and religion as central — and to see all others as somehow not “counting” quite as much. Few people had reason to think any more widely than this: provincial worldviews were the norm.
But as transportation options improved, people began to move from place to place. Then suddenly they were exposed to people who were different. Some wound up with neighbors from a different country. Some might have had coworkers, or even supervisors, from a different religion.
This brushing up against different world cultures would have caused people to compare their own customs and beliefs against those of these strangers. Generally speaking, two types of reaction were possible: 1) people could retreat into their comfortable and familiar worldviews, resisting and resenting the influx of these strangers into their awareness. They could dig in their heels and insist their own ways were more real, more right, and more valid than all the others. Or 2) They could forge relationships with the strangers and seek to understand the differences. They could try the strangers’ foods, listen to their music, even engage in conversations about their contrasting religious beliefs. People choosing this more transformative response would find themselves seeing commonalities with these strangers. They would likely come to see that there is good and bad, truth and falseness in all cultures — and all religions. This most likely would loosen the stronghold of religious exclusivity, and weaken the fences between people with different beliefs.
People choosing the first option above would be refusing to allow themselves the opportunity to learn about others. They would be excluding a part of the truth from their awareness. They would be reinforcing their own provincialism and limiting their own growth. Conversely, those choosing the second option would be allowing more of the truth about our existence into their awareness, expanding their own horizons, growing.
Now, these days with global communications as they are, people don’t even need to move to be exposed to other cultures and religious views. We need only turn on a computer or TV to be immediately thrown up against huge numbers of issues, people and cultures from all over the world. Their religious beliefs and practices will conflict with ours. This leaves us the same choices as listed above. We can choose to see only the differences, and retreat in fear from these others. Or we can broaden our worldview to include them in our common humanity.
But how to include these others on the religious front when their beliefs and practices seem so different? How to move forward when some of our religious leaders are still insisting their own particular belief system has the only right answers? Admittedly it can be hard to rise above the divisiveness and triumphalism — and the attempts to convert everyone — when certain factions are blowing up our buildings with thousands of people in them.
But there is another way to view this.
Every religion has a literal level where all the beliefs and practices are specific to that faith. From within the literal level, one’s own creed appears very different from — and superior to — all the others. This can lead a person to conclude that his religion is the only right one, or at least the best one. Seeing only the literal level leaves us mired in discord, trying to assert the primacy of our beliefs over those of others.
But another way of looking at this issue is emerging to the forefront in several camps. Thanks in part to global communications, some people are beginning to see beyond the literal level of religion. They are beginning to see through the specific symbols of their religion, to emerge with a far more general metaphorical understanding. They come to realize the allegorical nature of the stories in their religious texts. Then when they are faced with comparing those stories from other faiths, they can see that the religions are not so very different in intent.
All religions contain a common core of values. Opening our minds and hearts to this truth allows us to realize that all religions arose from a common human search for connection with something greater than ourselves.
All the elaborate rites, rituals and beliefs that make up each individual religion were created by humans according to their own local culture, but arose from a common universal quest shared by everyone. In this sense we must admit that all religions are but different localized ways to express a basic human need. Seen this way, insisting our religion is the only correct one begins to sound downright limited, parochial and immature; imposing specific rules from our particular holy book on others who have not chosen to follow it begins to sound ridiculous. When we can expand our worldview to include people of all religions, and those of no religion, into our human family, we become more mature in a spiritual sense. We move toward a position of seeing all people as cut from the same cloth. This is one little step on the road to unity — or the Oneness expressed as a goal of some religions like Buddhism.
Some proponents claim that a general spiritual transformation is afoot where people are moving more and more quickly toward this realization. As more and more people are exposed to other belief systems, they are coming to appreciate that each religion contains some truth, but none has the whole and entire truth. They are coming to see that there is no chosen people, no one religion that is right over all the others. This transformation is being helped along by global communications, which increasingly exposes us to all different religions. Many people are confused, overwhelmed or turned off by competing religions all claiming superiority. But still recognizing their own search for connection with something greater than themselves, they adopt the “spiritual but not religious” label.
Religious leaders interested in maintaining a vibrant flock would do well to adapt their message to this snowballing trend of globalization, which they cannot fight. Traditional religion will soon render itself irrelevant if fails to adopt more universal, more unitive themes into its teachings.
(As a practicing optometrist, Margaret Placentra Johnston has been helping people see better in the physical world for the last thirty years. Now she writes to help people see more clearly in other ways. Captivated by the depth and beauty of the universal worldview described by various spiritual development theorists, Margaret used ten real life stories from real people to illustrate steps on the way to that worldview. Her book, Faith Beyond Belief: Stories of Good People Who Left Their Church Behind (Quest Books, October, 2012,) is the result of that search. Available wherever books are sold.* Visit FaithBeyondBelief-book.com for more information. *(Ebook format available at http://questbooks-ebookstore.net/Books/9780835640589?FromPage=search)
So You Want To Change the World? Series Part Three
Part 3: Being Happy Now – The REAL American Dream
As teenagers go through the process of middle school, high school, and college, we often become completely focused on keeping ‘the eye on the prize’. We are told that all of our hard work, effort, and dedication will get us ‘the prize’, and that only the successful people can attain ‘the prize’ after years of constant demands and arduous journeys. Being an inquisitive teen, I ask all of you, what exactly is this ‘prize’ that we are told about? Is our definition of ‘prize’ different from their definition of ‘prize’? And, can we get this ‘prize’ instantaneously, without having to suffer the continuous struggle?
In the broadest sense, the Western American culture (or the Old Cultural Story), has defined ‘the prize’ to be the achievement of The American Dream, which may be seen as an even more elusive concept. As we look at history, its definition has changed quite dynamically over time. In 1931, historian James Truslow Addams first defined The American Dream in his book The Epic of America as “a dream of social order in which each man and each woman shall be able to attain to the fullest stature of which they are innately capable, regardless of the fortuitous circumstances of birth or position.” This definition was refined to fit a new social order of the 1950s, as it then began to center around the image of the ‘perfect family’ with the father in a secure job and the mother at home in the picket fenced suburban home. Though the family roles have changed since then, the common ideal of having possessions (which got bigger and better each year) has carried throughout the decades to our current year. Or has it?
As The American Dream has still remained ‘the prize’ for all generations, our generation of teens has taken it to mean something beyond its material definition. In a 2005 Harris Interactive Poll, 640 teens ranging from ages 13 to 18 chose their definition of The American Dream from a list of seven possible options. The majority of the teens determined that the definition of The American Dream is “Simply being happy, no matter what I do.” As other definitions, such as “being rich and famous”, fell far behind in the polls, it’s extremely clear that teens know that happiness, not symbols of wealth and status, is the true key to being successfully self-fulfilled. Whether it be in our interpersonal or intrapersonal lives, happiness is something that a large majority of teens are actively striving for.
Unfortunately, the majority of people find image of happiness to still be a ‘prize’ that cannot be attained now, but rather after years and years of work. We still work hard now so that we can be happy with life later. But why? As we look back, we remember that the last and final step of the Three Way Path is Be Happy. I will go even further and say that it is Be Happy NOW. No matter what state, shape, or condition we are in, we can choose to be happy at any time of day. Why would we want to wait for years to enjoy something that we could choose to experience right now? Be happy purely for the sake of experiencing happiness. Choosing to be happy now will change your life, and just like the domino effect, will spread to an unimaginable amount of others. Forever and always, changing your choices changes your world.
As over 75% of teens are sure that The American Dream is attainable, I dare them to attain it right now. I know I’ll hear a challenge accepted.
(Lauren is a Feature Editor of The Global Conversation. She lives in Wood Dale, IL, and can be reached at Lauren@TheGlobalConversation.com)
many many things……………. make me unhappy!!
nine years ago, my son would born, then I took a taxi to hosipital, because my husband hadn’t car, but my father had at that moment. When my son had been borned, my father and my brother hadn’t came to hosipital to visit me. My brother might be couldn’t come because the visit time just 1:00pm to 4:00pm, he needed to work, but my father hadn’t come just he didn’t want to go to hosipital. He visited my son and I since I came back to my house. but now my brother’s daughter borned, he drove his car to go to hosipital for them, he had come to hosipital to visit them, also he always to help them, my father and mother treat his wife well, everything homour my brother and her, they love their daughter so much, they don’t like my son because they think he is a naughty boy. They always altercation to my son when we go to their house everytime. They also don’t like my husband, because he haven’t make them happy, give anything to them, money…..etc. I said that just a little bit , In additon, many many things……, I can’t tell you one time…..may be you think I always compare with anothers special my brother. Yes, I think so , but I can’t accept my parents not fair to me.
Unhappy …………….
Dear Unhappy,
HAPPY NEW YEAR! What a great day to have this question, since this is a day we consciously decide to change…and I have some suggestions on how to do that!
I would invite you to read the book, “When Everything Changes, Change Everything” (WECCE). This book is all about how to deal with Change in your life, and how past data (our past experiences among other things), creates how we think and feel today. Unhappy, the nine Changes discussed there guide us into understanding that we always have a choice as to how we feel in any situation…no one makes us unhappy, we allow our unhappiness. We all have the choice to be happy by changing our minds about what makes us unhappy.
Life is all in how we look at it, Unhappy. Could it be that not having your family in your sons life is a good thing that you just do not see at this moment? Most of life is quite unseen except when looking back at it, but that backward look can be taken immediately after the event or thought…it does not have to take years.
You talk about things not being fair. Unhappy, I believe life is always fair. It is how we judge things that make things look unfair. Consider changing your mind about this as well. For instance, your niece has the attention of your family, but because of this you have been given the opportunity to look into yourself and see what is really important instead of only looking at the outside of things. you have been given the opportunity to forgive yourself and others. you have been given the opportunity for compassion. You have been given the time to be with your son and husband more.
And you have been given the opportunity to choose a different way of being a parent to your child.
A huge part of changing your mind about things that have happened is Gratitude for all that has happened…and for all that is currently in your life. Without things that seem to go “wrong”, we can never understand and appreciate things when they go “right”. When we are fearful and without gratitude, even for the things that seem awful, we stay in the feeling of “awful”, and are not capable of moving into feeling “joyful”. CWG contends that each moment of our life is an opportunity to demonstrate who we are…life is not full of challenges, it is full of opportunities!
Which means that we must practice changing our minds. It doesn’t usually happen overnight, because our past data is our life…but it can be done with grace and Love. Take moments every day to just look at what you feel is working in your life, and notice what it feels like in your body. (This is a small meditation, BTW.) That is the feeling you are looking for…and you will have created it all by yourself!
Sit and just say, “I am Grateful for Life” and feel it, and enjoy the feeling. When you know what this feeling is, you will recognize when something does not feel “Grateful”, because your body will not feel the same easy feeling. For instance, when you say “Life is unfair to me.” I’ll bet you have tightness in your chest, maybe a lump in your throat, and gut, and more. Now say, “I am Grateful for Life.” I’ll bet you can notice the difference in the feelings! When you notice the difference do you know what you have done? You have just created a Change! and you can do this with everything in your life. You will naturally wish to have this feeling and create it more and more!
I hope you read the book, Unhappy, and go to the website at www.changingchange.net for a continuing discussion with our community there.
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net, which offers spiritual assistance from a team of Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less, and offers insight, suggestions, and companionship during moments of unbidden, unexpected, unwelcome change on the journey of life. She may be contacted at Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
