Tag: Anxiety

  • Navigating Big Change Without Going Insane

    I’m going through some big changes in my life on many fronts, from my career changing, moving into a new home, going through a recent break-up, to a loved one being sick.  Some days I feel okay about it all, like I can handle it and that it’s leading me to someplace really, really good even if it doesn’t always feel that way.  Other days I feel like I’m drowning and am full of anxiety, I sometimes even feel depressed and helpless.  How can I ride out this time of great transition without going crazy??

    Marion, Ohio

     

    Hi Marion,

    Oh do I feel for you.  While I believe that all change is for the better, even the tough kind and even if the evidence of that takes awhile to show itself, I can appreciate the difficulty of the state you’re in while going through it.  I happen to be in a time of great flux as well, and have my “I’m going crazy” moments.  While I won’t get into and make it about me, I will tell you that you’re not alone, and offer you some guidance in the form of how I am navigating it all.

    First and foremost, don’t do it alone.  Surround yourself with every person who has ever said “Anything I can do?” or “Let me know if you need anything at all, I’m here for you.”  Take them up on it.  And if you’re short on those kinds of people in your life, hire someone: a coach, a therapist, etc. Or you can reach out to someone on the CWG Helping Outreach team (www.cwghelpingoutreach.com), a team of volunteer Spiritual Helpers who can listen and help you make sense of things.  Also, if you haven’t yet read Neale’s book “When Everything Changes, Change Everything” please grab a copy and dive in.  I will also say that if you think you are clinically depressed, please just stop reading here and go get that help; the following guidance doesn’t really apply in that case.

    Now, for the hands on, do it right now advice.  I follow one major rule of thumb when navigating change, and although it is incredibly simple (in theory, not necessarily in application), it is hands down the most effective tool I have come across for navigating such times, as well as life in general.  When you are feeling down, tired, overwhelmed, hopeless, upset, depressed, etc., do not, I repeat DO NOT think of anything important or make important decisions from that place.  Wait until you feel better, even a little bit better, and believe me, you will.  You’ve already identified that you have days/moments where you feel okay or good about things and trust that everything is unfolding the way it needs to.  Those are the times to give those big topics of change your attention, from that better-feeling place that is also known as a “higher vibrating” place.

    You see, it is when we are feeling good and vibrating high that we have access to the answers, ideas, resources, inspiration and clarity that we need to help us live more in the flow of life versus trying to swim against the current.  It’s when we are feeling like crap and try to act from that place that we are swimming against the current because, put simply, we don’t have access to all of those things I just listed.  We are clouded, confused, can’t seem to see more than an inch or two in front of our faces, and everything looks worse than it really is.  Sound familiar?

    So that’s it in a nutshell.  Avoid the heck out of your reality when you’re feeling down, discipline yourself to simply not give it your attention with the awareness that if you do, you are not accessing truth.  Distract yourself in the meantime with things that help you to feel a tiny bit better until you feel good enough to give it your attention again, even if that looks like taking a nap, crying it out, going for a walk, or watching a movie while eating ice cream (one of my favorites, by the way, though I wouldn’t recommend making this one your go-to move unless you have an extremely high metabolism).

    You can accept that this period of transition will be challenging, you will have ups and you will have downs.  During the downs, give yourself a break.  During the ups, milk it for all it’s worth.  You will find yourself on the other side of this, better for it, a higher version of Who You Really Are, and I can sense that you already know that, Marion.  Go ahead and trust that.

     

    (Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling.  She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

     

    An additional resource:  The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services.  The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions.  What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God.  It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.

  • Therapy for Therapy: Can we really change our behavior?

    Anxiety. Stress. Fear. These are just a few of the many ways that I have heard my classmates describe their high school experience. Yet these seemed to be the most common descriptions I have heard about this period of life for people between the ages of 14 and 18. As I look at my own high school experience, I too recognize that it has been anything but a carefree journey. Through the combination of social interactions and academic expectations, teens are becoming overloaded. But by how much?

    Apparently, it’s enough to drive us crazy. In a 2000 publication, the American Psychological Association (APA) reported that the average teenager will experience the same level of anxiety as that of a 1950s psychiatric patient. And this was just for the average teenager before the time of Twitter and Facebook. What would this data look like now? And, more importantly, why hasn’t anything been done about this teenage mental pandemic since?

    Though the level of anxiety teenagers feel has skyrocketed, the psychological treatments for this problem has remained virtually the same. Across the board, stress therapy has focused on the concept of coping with our stressors. Even the Center for Disease Control (CDC) has highly recommended stress management techniques that act as distraction to our mind from our stressors. The activities outlined by the CDC include participating on a sport, taking up a hobby, becoming socially involved, and of course, looking for professional help. By attempting to change our behavior, therapy tries to change our thoughts, and is often unsuccessful.  Though these activities do help alleviate stress, they are only temporary in their affect. After the activity has finished and the session is over, the fear, stress, and anxiety will still persist in our thoughts.

    This still means that we are trapped in the same cycle. What if I want to do more than just “deal” with my stress? What if I actually want to change the way I feel?

    By focusing purely on reaction, therapy has forgotten all about the creation side of the spectrum. We CAN choose whether we will simply react to the events of life or let our own decisions construct an entirely new concept on how to live life. By changing our thoughts, it changes our behavior.

    In this mindset (or rather, open mindedness), we employ the Core Message of the Be-Do-Have Paradigm. With Have-Do-Be state, we rely on outside factors to shape our journey for us, while in the Be-Do-Have Paradigm, we are the source of our own change. Though our beliefs in our Old Cultural Story still think it is rational that we must have things to do stuff to be stress-free, we know that this simply is not the way. To change our thoughts, we must BE the creative cycle of Be-Do-Have, rather than the reactionary Have-Do-Be. By just being what you truly wish to be, you can do things that reinforce that state of being. And by doing these behaviors, you will have the lifestyle that you want to live.

    If this sounds simple, it should. The entire concept of the Be-Do-Have Paradigm is that it is naturally applicable – it doesn’t require toiling hours or rigorous schedules. By being calm, by being flexible, by being controlled, we can take a look at our stress inducing environments with entirely new eyes. Suddenly, when you are being composed instead of acting composed, life’s unpredictability doesn’t seem that stressful anymore. So go ahead and try the Be-Do-Have Paradigm, and be your own triumph. At the very least, I know you will BE happier!

    (Lauren is a Feature Editor of The Global Conversation. She lives in Wood Dale, IL, and can be reached at Lauren@TheGlobalConversation.com)