My ex-husband and I padded the bank accounts of several high-priced attorneys and occupied over two years\u2019 worth of courtroom time and resources, mired in the pain and enveloped in the confusion surrounding our divorce, a word which suddenly and ferociously became a synonym for our own personal “war.” \u00a0And most regrettably, we allowed our distorted sense of \u201cvictimization\u201d and perceived \u201cfailure\u201d to interfere with our ability to be the loving support system that our only son desired and deserved.\u00a0 We, like so many others, found ourselves consumed with the upheaval in our relationship and paralyzed by the illusions of fear and need, as we found ourselves sinking deeper and deeper into despair and moving further and further away from any concept of who we once knew ourselves to be.<\/p>\n
Until one day everything changed.<\/p>\n
And I mean literally in one day<\/em>. \u00a0And more profoundly, not only in one day, but as a result of one choice<\/em>:<\/p>\n I changed my perspective.<\/strong><\/p>\n It was glaringly apparent, after years of bitterness and conflict, that what we were doing wasn\u2019t working.\u00a0 So why were we continuing to do the same thing over and over again, making the same choices and expecting different results?\u00a0 Which, by the way, is the phrase Narcotics Anonymous offers as the definition of insanity <\/em>in its time-honored book on addiction.<\/p>\n When I shifted my perspective and held my relationship, and the experiences provided to me within it, in a new light, this is what I was allowed to remember:<\/p>\n First, our relationship was not ending.\u00a0 It was merely changing.\u00a0 The purpose and intent of our union always was and always will be integrated in our human experience in the way we choose for it to be<\/em>.\u00a0 We can choose to consciously and purposefully include<\/em> and utilize<\/em> the opportunities blanketed within this experience, or we can choose to continue to react<\/em> to the experience as one that is happening outside of us<\/em> and, therefore, to us<\/em>. \u00a0Two very different realities are birthed out of each respective choice.<\/p>\n Second, this relationship was drawn to and co-created by us both as a vehicle within which we were both given an opportunity to experience an aspect of ourselves not yet remembered, not yet expressed, not yet demonstrated.\u00a0 And because I do not believe that life is a series of random happenings, and I also do not believe that life shuffles us through a predetermined script, I knew there was a larger opportunity being offered here to create meaning and to declare purpose and to know and experience ourselves at a higher level.<\/p>\n Third, I was led to a deeper understanding of what \u201cforgiveness\u201d means\u2026and what it doesn\u2019t mean.\u00a0 Neale Donald Walsch\u2019s new book \u201cThe Only Thing That Matters\u201d says, \u201cAbsolution is not necessary, <\/em>since all human action is based, at its root, in love, however confused, mistaken, or distorted its expression.\u201d\u00a0 And as \u201cConversations with God\u201d puts it:\u00a0 \u201cNo one does anything inappropriate, given their model of the world.\u201d<\/p>\n The marrying of these two spiritual concepts created the perfect recipe of change for me and facilitated a new perspective, one that propelled me into a deep sense of appreciation and profound gratitude in relation to someone who once was my partner and who now is my friend.<\/p>\n When some of the top stories in today\u2019s headlines are \u201cTom Cruise and Katie Holmes\u2019 Bitter Divorce\u201d or “Real-Life War of the Roses,” as described in a story by ABC News where Michael Rose and Rona Rose’s divorce resembled the popular Hollywood movie that coined the popular phrase and amplifies the\u00a0rage of a bitter divorce,\u00a0I now understand the gift I have been given and value the opportunity to share my personal experience to help others.<\/p>\n Why are we as a society enamored with the downfall of celebrity or high-profile relationships, as the rows and rows of tabloid magazines in our grocery store checkout stands reflect? \u00a0Perhaps it soothes our own perceived sense of failure to notice that the \u201cmost notable\u201d in our society, too, are struggling with relationship challenges.\u00a0 Perhaps our egos hurt less when we think someone else hurts more.<\/p>\n What if, just for today, you assigned a new meaning to something that is changing (perhaps a relationship) in your life?<\/p>\n What if you saw this event through the lens of an entirely different perspective?<\/p>\n If there is a new perspective that feels better than the one you currently hold about a particular situation that you are facing, what is standing in the way of you embracing it?<\/p>\n Could you “end the war” right now?<\/p>\n (Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation.\u00a0 She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at <\/em>www.ChangingChange.net<\/em><\/a>, a website offering emotional and spiritual support . \u00a0\u00a0To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com<\/span><\/a><\/span>.)<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" My ex-husband and I padded the bank accounts of several high-priced attorneys and occupied over two years\u2019 worth of courtroom time and resources, mired in the pain and enveloped in the confusion surrounding our divorce, a word which suddenly and ferociously became a synonym for our own personal “war.” \u00a0And most regrettably, we allowed our […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[157],"tags":[4,342,345,287,347,343,190,344,346,341,348],"class_list":["post-1875","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-romance-and-relationships","tag-conversations-with-god","tag-divorce","tag-ex-husband","tag-forgiveness","tag-katie-holmes","tag-perspective","tag-relationship","tag-the-only-thing-that-matters","tag-tom-cruise","tag-war","tag-war-of-the-roses"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1875","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1875"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1875\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1889,"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1875\/revisions\/1889"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1875"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1875"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1875"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}