{"id":2283,"date":"2012-11-02T14:10:14","date_gmt":"2012-11-02T18:10:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/?p=2283"},"modified":"2012-11-10T18:07:06","modified_gmt":"2012-11-10T23:07:06","slug":"a-gentling","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/?p=2283","title":{"rendered":"A gentling"},"content":{"rendered":"

Recently I ran into a friend of mine who had been traveling for some years. After a long hug and reacquainting ourselves with new smile lines and fledgling gray hairs, she asked me what I had been up to since we\u2019d last seen one another. When I responded, I found myself saying: \u201cYou know, what I\u2019m up to these days could best be described as a gentling.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

I’m not sure if I came up with this word or not, but all I know is that when I said it, it sounded True, like the first, wonderful warble of sound from an instrument played after many years of lying in dusty silence.<\/p>\n

Yep\u2013-these days when people ask me how I\u2019m doing, I just want to say:\u00a0 \u201cGentler.\u201d<\/p>\n

It\u2019s taken a very long time for me to start to be gentler with myself. Perhaps for the majority of us the initial moment we realize we could and maybe should<\/em> be our own best friend occurs only at a very low point in our lives\u2013when we can no longer afford to make our self adversary, but instead must become advocate.<\/p>\n

Becoming kinder with our selves is a process. I think for me it started by watching what happened when I felt regret after an \u201cunskillful\u201d exchange with another. I began to pay attention to a sequence of thoughts about myself that became progressively less generous and increasingly more hateful\u2013a whole lot of \u201cyuck\u201d turned inward. This was a first step in seeing where and when I turned against myself and how immediate the loneliness of that experience was. It was very painful. And I had to become realistic: If I <\/em>couldn\u2019t befriend myself, how could I expect everyone else to?<\/p>\n

Someone once told me, \u201cYou teach people how to treat you.\u201d<\/em> I believe this is a very accurate statement. How people respond to us and treat us is how we are treating ourselves on the inside.<\/em><\/p>\n

Forget worrying about everyone else for a while\u2013where do we<\/em> disregard our own boundaries? Where do we lie to ourselves; betray ourselves; act disloyally with ourselves? <\/em>Where is it that we, in fact, aren\u2019t kind, respectful, generous, considerate, and loving with ourselves?<\/em> And yet we expect everyone we come into contact with to respect us, honor us, be loyal and unconditionally loving with us\u2013or else!<\/em><\/p>\n

Do we really believe that people in our lives should be\u00a0 \u201cunconditionally loving\u201d and \u201cnonjudgmental\u201d even if we <\/em>haven\u2019t yet learned to give our selves that same courtesy?<\/p>\n

A while back I was doing some yoga in the living room. I\u2019ve practiced various styles of yoga for many years now and I go through phases where going to a yoga studio feels good, and phases where \u201cliving room\u201d yoga feels better. So there I was one morning, stretching this way and that into whatever posture felt like the next, best one, and the next posture I flowed into was one that had me low to the floor and reaching a hand under a leg and around and out of sight behind me, where apparently my other hand would somehow find it.<\/p>\n

But as I reached under and around and up through space my attention wandered and, no longer focused on my breath, my mind was lost in thought\u2013so much so that when one of my hands opened and gently took the fingers of my other hand into it I was surprised. It was as if a kind stranger had suddenly taken my hand and had softly squeezed it. Warm tears sprung to my eyes. I squeezed back, shaking hands with someone I was pretty happy I\u2019d be getting to know.<\/p>\n

Who knew I could have my own back and my own hand at the same time? That\u2019s Yoga for you.<\/p>\n

And also Kindness.<\/em><\/p>\n

– em claire<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

To Love Yourself<\/span><\/p>\n

To Love your self start here:
\nTake your own hand, and
\nput it to your lips.
\nThen,
\nlay the soft of your cheek
\nto the round of your shoulder\u2013
\nwhere the faint musk
\nof the enduring dreams
\nand the labors of your life
\nperfume you.<\/em><\/p>\n

It\u2019s a start.
\nIt\u2019s a beginning.<\/p>\n

\u00a0Now the ache of your heart<\/p>\n

has<\/p>\n

a<\/p>\n

surface.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cTo Love Yourself\u201d- em claire<\/em>
\n\u00a92005 All Rights Reserved<\/p>\n

(Em Claire is an American poet whose work appears in her book <\/em>Silent Sacred Holy Deepening Heart, as well as in<\/em> When Everything Changes, Change Everything. She may be reached through<\/em> www.emclairepoet.com<\/span><\/a>)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Recently I ran into a friend of mine who had been traveling for some years. After a long hug and reacquainting ourselves with new smile lines and fledgling gray hairs, she asked me what I had been up to since we\u2019d last seen one another. When I responded, I found myself saying: \u201cYou know, what […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[215],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2283","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-beinghuman"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2283","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/11"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2283"}],"version-history":[{"count":14,"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2283\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2285,"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2283\/revisions\/2285"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2283"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2283"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2283"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}