Okay, we have all heard someone say that, whether it was in jest or someone actually meant \u201cI am going to drink because I can\u2018t deal with you.\u201d\u00a0 Oftentimes the loved ones of an addict will actually believe that they are causing the addict to use, and they may just be right.<\/p>\n
By no means am I saying that the user would not be using if those around them simply conformed to their wishes.\u00a0 What I am saying is that the person who is in early stages of recovery has an enormous amount of guilt and shame to work through in order to maintain sobriety.\u00a0 The distractions of an unhealthy relationship can be the stumbling block the person in early recovery cannot hurdle.<\/p>\n
The co-dependent has become so reactionary that they lose themselves totally in the others problem.\u00a0 They either obsess over how to gain or maintain sobriety for the abuser, or they demand reparations for all the past damage before the significant other is ready or able to give it.\u00a0 This is why it is so vital for the co-dependent to accept that they have been affected by the disease and face the dysfunction it has create in their own life.\u00a0 As we fall together, so too shall we grow together.<\/em><\/p>\n There are three possible outcomes for a recovering alcoholic or drug addicts and their families:<\/p>\n 1. \u00a0The spouse or family finds a program and recovers and the user recovers. I understand how hard it is for someone who has lived with a person in active addiction to accept that they have contracted the same disease.\u00a0 I know in the minds of many this sounds like an indictment on the \u201cvictim.\u201d\u00a0 I assure you that it is not an attack. \u00a0Your wounds are real, your anger is valid, and your inability to trust is understandable.\u00a0 What I am trying to convey here is that you have put life on hold while you did the best you could to try and get a handle on a seemingly impossible situation.\u00a0 In order for you to regain your sense of normalcy, you must engage yourself in the process of re-discovery of self.<\/p>\n We are in relationships to experience our highest thoughts about who we are and why we are here.\u00a0 In a functionally loving relationship, we work together for the highest good.\u00a0 My best asset to another is my own understanding of my purpose in life.\u00a0 When I take care of me, I am taking care of \u201cwe.\u201d\u00a0 This is precisely what the 12-step programs are geared towards, redefining me in a healthy and positive way.<\/p>\n It is particularly important to define personal boundaries in a working relationship between a co-dependent and a person in recovery.\u00a0 In all relationships one must let their counterpart know what is acceptable and what is not.\u00a0 Most often we do not know what our boundaries are until they are crossed. \u00a0Once we are aware of an issue, we must then find the most effective way to inform the other of our discovery.<\/p>\n Communication is something that in most cases had broken down many years prior to the point of both parties getting into recovery, yet it is essential to work towards finding a compassionate and understanding way of communication as soon as possible.\u00a0 Many times we don\u2019t share our thoughts and feelings due to our own made-up story of possible outcomes of doing so.\u00a0 This is can no longer be acceptable in recovery.\u00a0 There is no room for sweeping our problems under the rug and acting like everything is fine.\u00a0 We must create a space that is safe for our self and our other to express themselves.<\/p>\n My suggestion to anyone who finds themselves affected by a significant other’s abuse would be to find\u00a0 an appropriate 12-step meeting, such as Al-Anon, or Alateen, CODA, Nar-Anon, etc. \u00a0Determine what it is you would like to do moving forward and take steps towards doing that.\u00a0 Define what you will not accept and communicate that to the addict in your life.<\/p>\n (Kevin McCormack is a “Conversations with God” Life Coach, a Spiritual Helper on\u00a0www.changingchange.net<\/span><\/a><\/span>, and an addictions recovery advisor.\u00a0 To connect with Kevin, please email him at\u00a0Kevin@theglobalconversation.com<\/span><\/a><\/span>.<\/span><\/span>)<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Okay, we have all heard someone say that, whether it was in jest or someone actually meant \u201cI am going to drink because I can\u2018t deal with you.\u201d\u00a0 Oftentimes the loved ones of an addict will actually believe that they are causing the addict to use, and they may just be right. By no means […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[159],"tags":[196,185,612,197,4,195,459,613],"class_list":["post-2828","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-addiction-and-recovery","tag-aa","tag-addiction","tag-al-anon","tag-alcoholics-anonymous","tag-conversations-with-god","tag-kevin-mccormack","tag-na","tag-nar-anon"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2828","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2828"}],"version-history":[{"count":34,"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2828\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2861,"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2828\/revisions\/2861"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2828"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2828"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2828"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n2. \u00a0The spouse or family does not recover and the user relapses.
\n3. \u00a0The spouse or family does not recover and the user leaves the family to stay in recovery.<\/p>\n