{"id":3473,"date":"2013-01-03T17:47:27","date_gmt":"2013-01-03T22:47:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/?p=3473"},"modified":"2013-01-03T17:47:27","modified_gmt":"2013-01-03T22:47:27","slug":"is-selfish-a-good-thing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/?p=3473","title":{"rendered":"Is Selfish a Good Thing?"},"content":{"rendered":"

My friends and some of my family members think I am selfish because I am honest with them when I don\u2019t want to do something or attend a function I\u2019m invited to. They tell me I only think of myself, I only do things for myself, and that if I\u2019m not careful I\u2019m going to find myself all alone one day soon.\u00a0 I\u2019m conflicted because I don\u2019t want to hurt their feelings, or be disliked or alone, but I don\u2019t feel I\u2019m in the wrong for speaking my truth.\u00a0 How do I make them understand?<\/em><\/p>\n

Julia, London<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Hi Julia,<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve heard it be said that selfishness is the vibrational alignment with self, and that is never a bad thing.\u00a0 I happen to see selfishness as a good thing, actually, when used in the right context.\u00a0 Everyone is responsible for themselves, and most unhappiness comes from the belief that we are responsible for the happiness and well-being of others.\u00a0 Don\u2019t get me wrong, it\u2019s a wonderful thing to bring happiness and well-being to others, by doing so we receive the same thing.\u00a0 But the distinction lies is whether or not we are responsible to do so.\u00a0 We\u2019re not.\u00a0 Each soul on this planet came here with its own agenda, to experience particular things, and each soul knows what it\u2019s doing.\u00a0 Therefore, being \u201cselfish\u201d, or as I look at it, paying special attention to the soul\u2019s desire or agenda, is not a bad thing at all.<\/p>\n

So what if doing what\u2019s best for you, or \u201cbeing selfish\u201d appears to hurt another?\u00a0 I\u2019ve also heard it be said to \u201cspeak your truth, yet soothe your words with peace.\u201d\u00a0 Take a moment to evaluate how you are speaking your truth to others.\u00a0 Do you sometimes come across as harsh, indignant, condescending maybe?\u00a0 If so, ask yourself how you can soothe your words with peace when expressing what you desire.\u00a0 In terms of \u201cmaking them understand\u201d, well, I\u2019m afraid that\u2019s just not possible, Julia.\u00a0 We can\u2019t make anyone do anything \u2013 remember, it is not we who are responsible for the reaction of another, that is completely up to them.\u00a0 But there is great comfort and peace in knowing that you have been true to yourself, you have spoken your truth with great kindness and compassion, and have chosen to show up as authentically you, regardless of how another chooses to react.\u00a0 There is also great freedom in allowing another their own experience.\u00a0 It\u2019s one of the best gifts you can give another.<\/p>\n

Also keep in mind that when people are upset with you, or don\u2019t like something you are doing, you are giving them the gift of deciding who they are in respect to that.\u00a0 And they\u2019re reaction to you gives you the same opportunity.\u00a0 And finally, sometimes we simply \u201cgrow in a different direction\u201d with some people in our lives, when the purpose of your relationship has been served.\u00a0 You may want to take a moment to ask yourself the difficult question of whether or not that applies to some of the people you are referring to.\u00a0 And if this continues to be in an issue, this lack of understanding one another, that is, with certain people who you\u2019d like to keep in your life, consider getting some counseling or a mediator involved to help close that gap in understanding.<\/p>\n

This isn\u2019t an easy topic, this business of relating with those closest to us, it\u2019s always a bit of a hot button.\u00a0 But remember that you are responsible for YOU and only you, and if you are making choices from a place of authenticity, honesty and alignment, than you\u2019re doing pretty darn well as far as I\u2019m concerned.\u00a0 Hope this helps.<\/p>\n

P.S. You may want to read about the 5 Levels of Truth, covered in “When Everything Changes, Change Everything”.\u00a0 It offers great clarity around all of this speaking our truth to others business.<\/p>\n

(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, <\/em>www.gowithincoaching.com<\/em><\/a>, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling.\u00a0 She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )<\/em><\/p>\n

(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My friends and some of my family members think I am selfish because I am honest with them when I don\u2019t want to do something or attend a function I\u2019m invited to. They tell me I only think of myself, I only do things for myself, and that if I\u2019m not careful I\u2019m going to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[171],"tags":[694,805,232,804,692],"class_list":["post-3473","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-advice","tag-5-levels-of-truth","tag-alignment","tag-relationships","tag-selfish","tag-truth"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3473","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/14"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3473"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3473\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3475,"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3473\/revisions\/3475"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3473"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3473"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3473"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}