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Dear Therese,<\/em><\/p>\n I am a young stay at home mother of two, happily married, and I am a fairly spiritual person.\u00a0 My life is really good, but I still feel kind of depressed.\u00a0 I read CWG saying that my life isn\u2019t about me, it\u2019s about others, so I give all I can to my children, my husband and I do volunteer work.\u00a0 I think I need some \u201cme\u201d time, but I feel guilty because that might take away from my giving to others.\u00a0 What am I missing?\u00a0 Aren\u2019t I supposed to feel better because I am giving?<\/em><\/p>\n Ann in Missouri<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Dear Ann,<\/p>\n Yes!\u00a0 You are supposed to feel better, but it isn\u2019t your fault that you don\u2019t.\u00a0 Cultural influences around the world tell us that women are not supposed to be selfish, that they are not equal to men, that they should be ashamed, and that time for themselves is time they should be using to give.\u00a0 They have it backwards.<\/p>\n Ann, you are one of the \u201cothers\u201d that you can give to.\u00a0 You are certainly an \u201cother\u201d to those who know you.\u00a0 Are you trying to do all of this alone, or are you reaching out and taking help when it is offered?\u00a0 I know that I thought I had to be strong and independent…but it only isolated me.\u00a0 It is not weakness to ask for help.\u00a0 If it is okay to give to others, it is also okay to give to yourself.<\/p>\n Let me expand on that.\u00a0 If you do not fill yourself up, do you realize that you are not really giving as well as you think you are?\u00a0 When you are running on fumes, even if you are giving all that you are capable of giving, the person to whom you are giving still knows they are not being given the very best you can give.\u00a0 They may not know why something doesn\u2019t feel right and true, but they know it, and don\u2019t accept your efforts in the way you think they should…which means your effort was inefficient at best.\u00a0 We do no one full justice when we do not give ourselves full justice.\u00a0 When we are insufficiently full, we give insufficiently.<\/p>\n It is not selfish to have \u201cme\u201d time, if the intent of that time is to make yourself whole, so that you may give of yourself well.\u00a0 That is the mistake we make in our cultures.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n selfish<\/em> |\u02c8selfi sh |<\/p>\n adjective<\/em><\/p>\n (of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure.<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Sweetie, you do not fit the description of \u201cselfish\u201d.\u00a0 You do fit the description of tired, and needing to fill yourself.<\/p>\n Taking \u201cme\u201d time can take many forms.\u00a0 The first form I would suggest is simply using the word \u201cno\u201d more often.\u00a0 If you are like me, the kids will invariably come into the bathroom whenever you are there…close the door!\u00a0 I even wrote a poem once called, \u201cThe Temple That is my Bathroom\u201d!\u00a0 quiet, personal time, consciously taken, does not need a special space.\u00a0 Take a bubble bath, or long hot shower, and shave those legs or use that loofah for more than 10 seconds…consciously enjoying the delicious time taken just for you.\u00a0 Meditate…there are many ways of meditating that don\u2019t require you to sit for an hour, including simply being aware of your breath, or stopping for a moment and noticing who you are with respect to your surroundings.<\/p>\n There are grander things, of course, like taking a short vacation by yourself, or with your spouse to get reacquainted, going to two movies in the same day, auditioning for a play (not volunteering, unless it allows you to move into an area of joy you don\u2019t usually get to experience), or sending the kids off to grandmother\u2019s for a week.\u00a0 Consider going on a retreat.<\/p>\n \u201cMe\u201d time is essential…and you should also thank your depression for helping you to be aware of what is not working for you.\u00a0 Depression gets a bad rap in this world.\u00a0 Yes, there are people who are clinically depressed, and that is a very different thing, but most of us are called by depression to do something very simple…to stop…and listen to our bodies and our spirit, and recognize what is not working.\u00a0 Pay attention to it.\u00a0 It could also be a sign that you are not eating well, BTW, so remember that you are a mind\/BODY\/spirit being.<\/p>\n So, sweet Ann, be selfish.\u00a0 You just might find your full magnificence if you are!<\/p>\n Therese<\/p>\n (Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at\u00a0<\/em>www.ChangingChange.net<\/a>, which offers spiritual assistance from a team of Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less, and offers insight, suggestions, and companionship during moments of unbidden, unexpected, unwelcome change on the journey of life. She may be contacted at\u00a0<\/em>Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com<\/a>.)<\/em><\/p>\n