{"id":6226,"date":"2013-08-01T19:59:17","date_gmt":"2013-08-01T23:59:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/?p=6226"},"modified":"2013-08-01T19:59:17","modified_gmt":"2013-08-01T23:59:17","slug":"im-a-recovering-junkie","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/?p=6226","title":{"rendered":"I\u2019m a recovering junkie"},"content":{"rendered":"

(This week\u2019s Addiction & Recovery column is hosting a guest article written and contributed by Audrey Holst.)<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

I\u2019m slowly healing an addiction.<\/p>\n

I never thought it would happen to me. \u00a0I always thought addicts were people with issues with booze or drugs. \u00a0I denied I had a problem for a long time. \u00a0But it\u2019s time I come clean.<\/p>\n

I was addicted to my cell phone.<\/p>\n

It was the first thing I looked at in the morning. \u00a0My cell is also my alarm so as soon as it went off I already had my phone in hand. \u00a0It was easy to thumb through the e-mails that came in overnight. \u00a0Browse through my Facebook newsfeed. \u00a0Before I\u2019d even gotten out of bed I\u2019d gotten my first hit. \u00a0At any point in the day my e-mail made its distinctive \u2018ding\u2019 noise I would be reaching to read and answer it. \u00a0\u00a0Any action on my Facebook newsfeed or timeline called for contact, it didn\u2019t matter where or when it happened. \u00a0I checked it compulsively. \u00a0Even if I wasn\u2019t sure if there was an alert, I\u2019d check my phone. \u00a0Before I went to bed at night I\u2019d check and re-check my e-mail. \u00a0I\u2019d check my newsfeed. \u00a0I\u2019d browse a few pages. \u00a0I\u2019d be plugged in until the very last moment before my eyes closed.<\/p>\n

I left my phone at home one day and you would have thought I had lost a limb.<\/p>\n

This may seem silly to some people since it\u2019s such a regular part of our society. \u00a0It\u2019s an acceptable addiction because the majority of us indulge in it. \u00a0But explain that to a boyfriend that I used to make feel completely de-valued during dates interrupted by \u201curgent\u201d work e-mails. \u00a0Explain those moments spent awake at night because I checked my e-mail right before bed only to find an irritating message that could have been dealt with in the morning. \u00a0Explain hours of valuable time lost because I went down the rabbit hole that is going through people\u2019s pages on Facebook.<\/p>\n

Explain this to couples at dinner tables (and I\u2019ve seen them) never looking up at each other, glued to their phone screens. \u00a0Explain this to a sidewalk full of pedestrians walking into each other with their faces obsessively scanning their cells. \u00a0Explain this to drivers all over the country weaving across highway lanes at high speeds watching the progress of their phone messages more than the progress of the road.<\/p>\n

Just because so many of us do it, doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s any less destructive to the quality of our lives. \u00a0Nomophobia is an actual term first created by British researchers in 2008 to describe people who experienced anxiety when they had no access to mobile technology. \u00a0Stress levels soared when people were unable to tap into their phones.<\/p>\n

Some personal side-effects of my addiction? \u00a0Unnecessary stress and obsessive uncontrollable thoughts at all hours of the day. \u00a0My relationship ended due to lack of intimacy. \u00a0Could I say my cell-phone broke us up? \u00a0Perhaps not, but it was certainly a huge indicator of my bigger problem.<\/p>\n

What was the addiction really asking for? \u00a0I started to dig deeper into this while doing the inner work during my Life Coach training. \u00a0I value living an aware and conscious life and I am dedicated to being present. \u00a0Being at the beck and call of a small little electronic device was against my major beliefs. \u00a0What was I really searching for every time I reached for my phone?<\/p>\n

Connection.<\/p>\n

Every time I picked up my phone I was trying to satisfy the desire for connection, but without the risk that often comes along with it. \u00a0In the case of my \u201curgent\u201d work e-mail interrupted dates, I was avoiding face-to-face intimacy. \u00a0It\u2019s so easy to hide behind technology while sharing vulnerable details of your life but to do it face-to-face with a real person makes the experience so much more intense, and any perceived judgement for sharing yourself, so much more harsh. \u00a0Every time I answered a work e-mail I felt needed and important. \u00a0And who doesn\u2019t want to feel needed and important? \u00a0I wanted to be seen and heard and cherished but rather than meet those needs through my personal relationships, I buried myself in the technological ones.<\/p>\n

There is a theory that addiction to cell phone use acts like a \u201cgateway drug\u201d to fuel the search for other substances that keep uncomfortable sensations at bay. \u00a0In the past, I drank to deal with certain feelings. \u00a0I also made a recent discovery that I use food to squash emotions I don\u2019t want to deal with.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve gotten to the point that I\u2019m tired of dealing with my own B.S. and avoiding of things that challenge me emotionally. \u00a0Time to cut through it and get real.<\/p>\n

Now what?<\/p>\n

It\u2019s an ongoing process, but the long story short of it, I\u2019ve been tapping into my yoga practice to help guide me. \u00a0Just like we encourage the body to be uncomfortable in yoga postures as a vehicle for change, there is nothing different about the mind or emotions being uncomfortable in everyday life situations. \u00a0I have to be willing to lean into that discomfort. \u00a0I\u2019ve done work around my relationship issues with fellow coaches. \u00a0I\u2019ve discovered that being connected to nature is another necessary element to ground me and bring me back to a stable place to move from. \u00a0I\u2019ve cleaned up my diet and have a much healthier relationship to food. \u00a0I\u2019ve been working outside my comfort zone sober and with technology out of reach.<\/p>\n

I still catch myself having ghost thoughts and compulsions of past habits but the pull is significantly less. \u00a0My dedication to being aware and conscious is powerful. \u00a0I feel more at peace. \u00a0More in control of my life. \u00a0I feel like a more authentic version of myself.<\/p>\n

Our addictions are actually misguided attempts at self-care. \u00a0We engage in them to fill a really important need. \u00a0However, addictions don\u2019t address the root problem. \u00a0They are like putting a flimsy band-aid over a severed artery. \u00a0When it doesn\u2019t stop the hemorrhaging we add more and more band-aids. \u00a0Until we are willing to get that artery stitched up, which usually requires asking for help and is often a much harder, and more challenging process than just piling on band-aids, we will continue to bleed out. \u00a0I send love to all of us that are on this path.<\/p>\n

Can you relate to this journey? \u00a0What did it, or what will it, take for you to heal?<\/p>\n

Audrey Holst is an Inner Wisdom advocate that\u00a0<\/i>partners with women that feel unsatisfied by the status quo to reclaim their energy and fill their lives with pleasure, creation, and love. \u00a0She facilitates transformation through the healing process of coaching and her years of experience as a<\/i>\u00a0Bikram certified yoga instructor. \u00a0Audrey teaches at, and manages, Yoga for You, A Bikram Yoga Studio in Dedham, MA. \u00a0To learn more, visit her website at\u00a0www.audreyholst.com<\/span><\/a><\/span>\u00a0or connect with her at\u00a0audrey@audreyholst.com<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/i><\/div>\n
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(This week\u2019s Addiction & Recovery column is hosting a guest article written and contributed by Audrey Holst.) I\u2019m slowly healing an addiction. I never thought it would happen to me. \u00a0I always thought addicts were people with issues with booze or drugs. \u00a0I denied I had a problem for a long time. \u00a0But it\u2019s time […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[159],"tags":[1329,4,1328],"class_list":["post-6226","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-addiction-and-recovery","tag-bikram-yoga","tag-conversations-with-god","tag-healing-addiction"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6226","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6226"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6226\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6964,"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6226\/revisions\/6964"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6226"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6226"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6226"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}