I have been having some serious family issues lately, and, I admit, the sound must carry to the neighbors.\u00a0 I have a religious neighbor (we obviously have very different views and parenting styles) who, out of the blue, came up to tell me, in a condescending way, that they pray for us all the time.\u00a0 She is so judgmental!\u00a0 Now, if it someone were to say that to you, how would you respond in a shove it up your you-know-what, kindly kind of way??<\/i><\/p>\n
Hillery in Montana<\/i><\/p>\n
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Dear Hillery,<\/p>\n
Very simply, I would thank her for her kind thoughts.\u00a0 And tell her I can use all the kind thoughts I can get!<\/p>\n
I would also not assume that she is without drama\/trauma in her own life, so I might also tell her that I would keep her in my prayers as well.<\/p>\n
You referred to how judgmental she is…let her judge.\u00a0 You are also judging her.\u00a0 There is a difference between noticing what is, and being judgmental, BTW.\u00a0 When there is a negative emotion that attaches itself to our perception of the other person<\/i>, as opposed to the action<\/i>, we have moved into judgment.\u00a0 It is natural to react to this emotion.\u00a0 It is also likely clear to her that you feel this way, and that you don\u2019t think that her way is okay.\u00a0 So, the cycle of judgment keeps going on and on.<\/p>\n
But you can stop that cycle, Hillery, simply by noticing what you are doing, noticing that she is doing the best she can, and change your mind about her.\u00a0 How?\u00a0 Just take what she really<\/em> means, (that she knows things are not perfect in your world, and you could likely use a little help), and throw out the doctrine and judgment she brings to it.\u00a0 That simple shift removes your judgment moving back at her.<\/p>\n There is a very good chance that she felt awkward about saying anything to you, and that she had to muster up the courage to speak to you.\u00a0 Further, is it also possible that your reaction to her words is your embarrassment in knowing that others know you are struggling, and are witnessing the drama? \u00a0 Is it possible that you don\u2019t think it is okay what is happening in your life? \u00a0 We do seem to want the outside world to see only the perfect little family picture, don\u2019t we?<\/p>\n Sweet Hillary, is it also possible that the judgment you are reacting to is your self judgment?\u00a0 If so, stop.\u00a0 Change your mind.\u00a0 Don\u2019t let fear (embarrassment) and judgment hold you in place.\u00a0 Let the energy of her, in essence, saying, \u201cYou are not alone.\u201d, be what flows through you.\u00a0 Know that Divinity does not expect perfection from you, because She thinks you are already perfect, no matter that it may appear it is not.<\/p>\n You may even wish to strike up a conversation with your neighbor, from a new perspective.\u00a0 Who knows, she may have been reaching out to you from her pain, and you may be able to help each other. \u00a0This might actually be the perfect time to teach her a new prayer:<\/p>\n Thank you Creator\/God, for letting me know that this problem has already been solved. \u00a0Please help me now to see my part in that solution.<\/p>\n Therese<\/p>\n (Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at <\/i>www.cwghelpingoutreach.com<\/i><\/a>\u00a0\u00a0She may be contacted at:\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0<\/i>Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com<\/i><\/a>.)<\/i><\/p>\n (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to\u00a0<\/i>Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com<\/a>, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)<\/i><\/p>\n