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Dear Therese,<\/em><\/p>\n Well, it\u2019s that time of year again.\u00a0 The time of year that I start out with good intentions to be cheerful and helpful and not get upset by my husband\u2019s family.\u00a0 But Thanksgiving was a disaster, and I am so very worried that Christmas will be the same.<\/em><\/p>\n Here\u2019s the thing.\u00a0 Every year for the past 14 years it is the same story.\u00a0 My husband\u2019s sisters just let their mother do all of the work in the kitchen, and the fellas are off in the living room watching the football games, and I am the only one in the kitchen helping my mother-in-law!\u00a0 The ladies are all drunk, and there is an inevitable fight that breaks out, and they accuse me of not joining in with the family.\u00a0 I want to be part of my husband\u2019s family, but how can I do this?<\/em><\/p>\n Not so jolly Joanna in Illinois.<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Dear Joanna,<\/p>\n Boy, will a lot of people resonate with this one!<\/p>\n I am going to make the usual suggestions, like, can you alternate holidays, or find a way to limit your time at the event?\u00a0 Have you tried actually asking your husband\u2019s sisters, or mother, just what they think you could do to fit in better?\u00a0 Sometimes communication does actually work, but we really don\u2019t want to risk the status quo, (even though it sucks) being made worse\u2026and we don\u2019t like to acknowledge it, but even that is a choice.<\/p>\n Now I am going to ask a question.\u00a0 Just how is this serving you?\u00a0 What is it that you are getting from playing this little scene over and over?\u00a0 Until you figure out what that might be, you may just keep on playing your role in perpetuity. \u00a0 So, Joanna, do you enjoy being the \u201cvictim\u201d?\u00a0 Do you secretly enjoy being \u201csuperior\u201d?\u00a0 Maybe you are being given the opportunity to say \u201cno\u201d (and not taking it)?\u00a0 Do you really want to be part of this family, or is that just something you say because it is the \u201cproper\u201d way to feel?\u00a0 Joanna, there are so very many things that could be going on, and only you, of course, can honestly answer the question for yourself.<\/p>\n There is a word I used there that is very important, Joanna\u2026opportunity.\u00a0 Life continues to give us the opportunities we require to have this journey as our soul desires, and sometimes those opportunities look like difficult choices and honesty with ones self.\u00a0 If the same thing keeps happening over and over again, it is a pretty sure bet that there is something you are not willing to look at.<\/p>\n Once you have answered the question above, ask yourself this question:\u00a0 Is this serving me in the way I would really prefer?\u00a0 If the answer is \u201cno\u201d, then ask yourself how you could see yourself acting differently, if you had the courage\u2026would you walk out of the kitchen and ask for help?\u00a0 Would you leave your mother-in-law alone in the kitchen?\u00a0 Might you re-think those moments in the kitchen and cherish the one on one time with her?<\/p>\n You see, Joanna, once we look at who we are Being in any circumstance, we get to decide if we are happy or miserable\u2026we get to actually choose which one serves us in that moment!\u00a0 AND get to decide that we can do the same thing we have always done, but, as \u201cThe Only Thing That Matters\u201d says, do it for an entirely different purpose.\u00a0 We can know that even the mundane, and the painful are spiritual events, and we get to choose to look at them one way or the other.<\/p>\n I\u2019ll bet, Joanna, that if you go to the Christmas event with the mindset that you are going to look at each person as individuations of Divinity\u2026if you decide to BE the calm center in whatever chaos may ensue\u2026that you will have a very different experience than before\u2026and you may even see the family transform before your eyes as well.\u00a0 But even if they don\u2019t, you will have transformed your own unhappiness, and that seems like a pretty good gift to give yourself!<\/p>\n Therese<\/p>\n (Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at\u00a0<\/i>www.cwghelpingoutreach.com<\/i><\/a>\u00a0\u00a0She may be contacted at:\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0<\/i>Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com<\/i><\/a>.)<\/i><\/p>\n (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to\u00a0<\/i>Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com<\/a>, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)<\/i><\/p>\n