{"id":7559,"date":"2014-01-05T21:09:26","date_gmt":"2014-01-06T02:09:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/?p=7559"},"modified":"2014-01-06T12:41:52","modified_gmt":"2014-01-06T17:41:52","slug":"collateral-damage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/?p=7559","title":{"rendered":"Collateral Damage"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

During a recent recovery training class I attended the teacher asked the following question:\u00a0 Who is the person that all addiction professionals have the hardest time helping? The answers were coming fast, and all were wrong according to him.\u00a0 Some said \u201cmeth-heads,\u201d others said \u201cmethadone addicts,\u201d and other answers consisted of bulimics, anorexics, over-eaters, cigarette-smokers, etc.\u00a0 The professor just kept shaking his head no.\u00a0 Finally someone gave the answer he was looking for: \u00a0co-dependents. There was a collective sigh of agreement from the room when the answer was given.<\/p>\n

The human ego is our outward expression of who we think we are.\u00a0 Ego is what we show to the world.\u00a0 A Course in Miracles<\/em> defines ego as \u201cnothing more than a part of your belief about yourself.\u201d\u00a0 Of course, for the most part, our belief about our self is almost always very limited and oftentimes incorrect. Nonetheless, it is a critical part of who we are and how we experience life here.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

So one of the most difficult things to get across to someone who has been affected by the behaviors of their loved ones is that they have been negatively impacted much in the same way that their loved ones are.\u00a0 When the topic of co-dependency comes up with a family member of an addict or abuser, the answer we get is almost always the same: \u201cI am not the one with the problem; they are!\u201d<\/p>\n

It sure is easy to see it that way, too.\u00a0 The alcoholic\/drug addict has clear and definitive symptoms. Their lying, stealing, scrapes with the law, loss of jobs and relationships directly relate to addiction.\u00a0 Yeah, addicts are pretty much out in the open with their disease, but guess what?\u00a0 They don\u2019t see it themselves.\u00a0 And the same is true for co-dependents.\u00a0 They do not see the destructive nature of their behavior but, most people around them do.<\/p>\n

For the outsiders, co-dependent behavior is baffling.\u00a0 Many say, why won\u2019t she just leave him? Or how many chances will he give her?\u00a0 Or I can\u2019t believe they put up with that kind of behavior.\u00a0 Rational people cannot grasp what keeps the co-dependent repeating self-destructive behaviors.<\/p>\n

My heart goes out to the sufferers of co-dependency.\u00a0 The longing for love lost is heartbreaking to witness.<\/p>\n

When an addict takes his first drink or drug, they have no idea they are going to become enslaved and addicted to it.\u00a0 At some level, however, we understand that what we are doing could have some serious consequences. When a person falls in love with an addict or an abuser or a person with a narcissistic personality, they are much more unaware that they have become collateral damage to the disease of addiction.<\/p>\n

To some degree, addiction is contagious.<\/p>\n

How can a person\u2019s thinking not be affected by the unpredictable behavior of their loved ones?\u00a0 Our ego, in many cases, attaches ownership to our significant others.\u00a0 We feel responsible for their behavior and their public image.\u00a0 Soon we begin to lie to cover for them.\u00a0 Not to protect them. \u00a0Usually by that point we don\u2019t care much about them anymore. \u00a0No, we do it to protect us.\u00a0 We don\u2019t want anyone to see that we don\u2019t have it all together.<\/p>\n

This is the point our ego becomes the obstacle we must overcome.\u00a0 And sadly, many do not.\u00a0 If only we in the helping community could get the point across that when we have one finger pointing at someone else, there are always 3 pointing right back at us.\u00a0 Try it and see.\u00a0 No, the thumb doesn\u2019t count!<\/p>\n

What I would like to get across here in this blog and in my life\u2019s work is that recovery from anything is really our human quest.\u00a0 Staying the same, remaining unchanged, attempting to uphold an image of perfection goes against what the human experience is all about.\u00a0 We are here to grow and experience all there is and as much of it as possible.<\/p>\n

Sadly, what happens to all too many of us is that we end up experiencing the same things over and over again.\u00a0 After 50, 60, 70 years of that, many are so done with it they just wish life would end. I don\u2019t feel it needs to be this way.\u00a0 I have met countless people now in my 26 years of recovery; and for the most part, these people are living and enjoying life again.<\/p>\n

Being in a place of actively welcoming change into your life is a magical place. Breaking down the walls of ego and being transparent with your life is a gift from the soul.\u00a0 We can\u2019t learn anything if we are always right. We can\u2019t receive compassion from others if we hide our pain and sorrow.\u00a0 We can\u2019t experience love others until we learn to love ourselves.<\/p>\n

Co-dependency, like addiction, is not a derogatory identity to have. It is merely the path we have chosen to take on this particular journey through the physical.\u00a0 We have been here before; and undoubtedly, we will be here again.<\/p>\n

If this article has struck a chord with you please feel free — no, feel inspired to comment below.\u00a0 Be the one who starts the conversation. \u00a0Be the source of recovery from the destructive thought patterns that limit our experience here in the physical realm. This is your invitation.<\/p>\n

(Kevin McCormack, C.A.d ,is a certified addictions professional and auriculotherapist. \u00a0He is a recovering addict with 26 years of sobriety. Kevin is a practicing auriculotherapist, life coach, and interventionist\u00a0specializing\u00a0in individual and family recovery and also co-facilitates spiritual recovery retreats for the CWG foundation. \u00a0You can visit his website\u00a0Life<\/span><\/a><\/i>\u00a0After Addicton<\/span><\/a><\/span>\u00a0for more information.<\/i>\u00a0To connect with Kevin, please email him at\u00a0Kevin@TheGlobalConversation.com<\/span><\/a><\/span>)<\/i><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

During a recent recovery training class I attended the teacher asked the following question:\u00a0 Who is the person that all addiction professionals have the hardest time helping? The answers were coming fast, and all were wrong according to him.\u00a0 Some said \u201cmeth-heads,\u201d others said \u201cmethadone addicts,\u201d and other answers consisted of bulimics, anorexics, over-eaters, cigarette-smokers, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[159],"tags":[1560,196,1558,1338,1555,1281,1556,611,195,1559,459,1368,1557],"class_list":["post-7559","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-addiction-and-recovery","tag-a-course-in-miracles","tag-aa","tag-addicts","tag-alcoholism","tag-anorexia","tag-auriculotherapy","tag-bulemia","tag-co-dependency","tag-kevin-mccormack","tag-life-after-addiction","tag-na","tag-oa","tag-over-eaters"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7559","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7559"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7559\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7574,"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7559\/revisions\/7574"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7559"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7559"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theglobalconversation.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7559"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}