As she lay dying

“Death can be seen as a period at the end of a sentence.” says Mother Amma. “After that comes another sentence.”

If my experiences around death taught me anything in this life, it’s that grief is nothing compared to the regrets of not having voiced your love, your gratitude.

So I try to say the words as often as I can, I pay the compliments where they are due, write the thank you notes, make the gifts. In other words,I let others know how I feel about them.

Being given the opportunity to say your goodbyes, in person, to a dying loved one is even more special I find. As the body withers, the ego is being stripped of all its illusions and the soul comes closer and closer to the surface.

No lies, no masks, no pretense of any kind can stand up in the face of death. Like a great gust of wind, it’ll blow it all away until you know deep down in your bones that truth, peace, and love are not mere words, but all there Is.

Fears are amplified.  Love is multiplied.  And whether you are the one departing, a care-giver, a family member, or a friend, you are called on to pick a side.

I picked a side 10 years ago, and I chose Love.  I chose to give way to my profound belief in the immortality of the soul and in the need for a gentle passage (as far as the circumstances allowed, but also to the best of our abilities, which are far grander than we dream them to be).

So when given the opportunity to say goodbye, I welcomed it as a precious, priceless gift.

But on this recent occasion, as a beloved family member of mine was nearing death, I realized I was quite alone on that side. Almost everybody around her was in fear and denial. And so was she.

I was even warned that I should NOT voice my goodbyes, even and especially if she alluded to the subject herself.

That put me in a very awkward position. How to tell her then how grateful I was for all she had taught me in this life? How to reminisce and laugh over endearing souvenirs? How to give from the heart if the heart was to be shushed?

I took a train, came to spend the afternoon with her, and tried to find a compromise. I played by the rules, I tiptoed around fears, all the while trying my best to let my light shine in small ways: I suggested ways to make peace on the subjects that caused her anger, I made her laugh a little, I showed compassion, care.

But deep down I knew I had let fear win.  And this was the exact opposite of what she had taught me, the exact opposite of who I wanted to be.

She was the one believing I could be strong and confident, when no one else around me did. She was the one to speak words of truth in a family where most was left unsaid.

A couple weeks flew by, I was walking around with a cloud above my head. I was worrying, complaining, but not doing anything about it. Her health was deteriorating, still I didn’t move.

The discrepancy between who I am and what I was demonstrating grew to be so wide that I got sick. My throat burned, my head was in a fog, and I coughed and coughed and coughed some more. I guess my throat was itching from all the words that were stuck in me.

This is when I read the article by Phoebe Lackawanna from December 1st,  about awakening. She said that once you’ve awakened, you can’t go back.

And it hit me.

Being awakened in a world where appearance, competition, and materialism hold such prominent places means you often have to take the path of resistance.  Resistance to old schemes and old ways, resistance to fear, to unspoken laws and limitations imposed in stealth ways.

Other people are not and never will be the enemy, but fear is.

The minute you start compromising with fear is the minute you start betraying your true nature, for fear is the great divider, while, in truth, nothing can be divided. We are One.

And just like that,I knew what I had to do. I picked up the phone and asked to have a word with her. The feelings of fear around her imminent departure were so strong that I was never put in direct contact with her anymore.

But love finds a way. And so I prayed and was sent a solution:  Another could carry my message to her ear…The circle of love would go on.

(Sophie Lise Fargue is a therapist working with energy, animating workshops and giving seminars on Personal Development in Paris, France. She also volunteers as a Spiritual Helper at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. You may connect with her at www.revenirasoi.com orslfargue@gmail.com.)

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  • Michael L.

    Thank you Sophie Lise,

    For the amount of courage you write about here is amazing.
    I am moved by the insights you have on death and dieing, and how to live, really.

    I was always dismissive of death as if I wouldn’t ever happen to me. But as you explain, that time is priceless for all involved.
    And HWG makes it very clear, this life time is not all there is!
    We shall return!!

  • Laura Pringle

    I just loved this article, it really resonated with me! 🙂

    “If my experiences around death taught me anything in this life, it’s that grief is nothing compared to the regrets of not having voiced your love, your gratitude.”

    YES. YES, YES.

    I totally agree that the regrets linger long after the grieving is done. This story centers around what sounds like a rather frustrating situation which you appear to have handled with grace.

    Thanks a million for sharing it. <3

    Sorry for your loss.

  • SL

    Dear Michael,

    Thank you so much I am glad this article evoked the beauty and truths found in “Home with God”, an essential read on our and our loved ones’ transitions.

    Dear Laura,

    I’m not sure I handled it with such grace but I believe that suffering can be turned into service and then take on a new meaning.
    And I thank you very much for your input, it means a lot.

    Love & Light,

    SL

  • Marko

    This can be a very tough subject when your truth is further suppressed by others fears & concerns. When your fear is enough to contend with, then more fears, concerns of others try to block your struggling truth from being expressed.

    Yet your own truth eventually forced it’s way, & even then, more resistance!

    So strong was the resistance of others it gave or created the appearance of not allowing your truth to be told. Yet unexpectedly, it still got through from another party who was able to get the message through.

    So did you ever find out the response from this beloved family member after another carried your message to them?

    Thanks for sharing!

    Magical blessings,
    -Marko

  • SL

    Dear Marko,

    Thanks for your input 🙂
    No I was never able to talk to her again..And I never even got the assurance that my message was carried out.
    And yet I believe the circle of love to have gone on because by letting others know how I felt about her, how much she had inspired me, I was passing on something very intimate, from my soul to theirs, that -hopefully- inspired or will inspire them to let out their feelings more.
    I also believe in communication between worlds..But that’s another story 🙂

    Lovingly,

    SL

  • Phoebe

    Isn’t it just amazing how it all goes around! When I started reading, I immediately saw that this is a beautiful and moving article. Then, I got to the line:

    “This is when I read the article by Phoebe Lackawanna from December 1st, about awakening. She said that once you’ve awakened, you can’t go back.”

    All I can say is that I smiled with joy! This shows that every loving and true action really does go out to the rest of the universe no matter how unexpected its effects are. Wonderful surprises can come, and lives can be touched in ways we didn’t imagine. We can see just how much of a difference each positive action makes, however large or small.

    May we all choose love and never yield to fear. 🙂

    PS: Thank you for writing this article in a time when I have been encountering fear, rigidity, and resistance in others around me.

  • SL

    Sweet Phoebe,
    I can never thank you enough for writing this article and let me discover the wonderful person & artist that you are.
    I’m looking forward to reading others pieces from you!

    Keep the faith Phoebe.
    I send you light and love,

    SL

  • Phoebe

    🙂

  • Tim

    Hi, where can I submit questions??

    ***Hello, Tim. If you have any questions, please direct them to The Global Conversation’s managing editor, Lisa McCormack: Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com