Can I make myself love someone?

What happens if you simply do not feel love for a certain person (even if it’s a spouse or mother). The feeling of “love” is just not there. Do you act as if you do or convince yourself that you do love them even though you don’t feel it until you do feel it? You can care for a person and don’t want any harm to them, but just don’t “love” them. Perhaps I have the wrong perception of what love is or can be. I love my two children to death (figure of speech); therefore, I know what feeling love is. What are your thoughts as I’m struggling with this.  Blessings, Lyne 

Dear Lyne…My mother has always said we love in many different ways. I don’t love my sister the same way that I love my father. I don’t love a former sweetheart the same way I love my husband. I don’t even love my favorite cat Pippin the same way I love our kitten, Beanie! This is because each and every one of us is unique.

I also think it’s entirely possible to love someone at an intellectual level, but not like them, or at least, not like their actions or their way of being in the world. Remember, we are vibratory beings and just as in music, vibrations either resonate and or they’re dissonant. When two vibrations resonate, they flow harmoniously together, but when two vibrations are dissonant, it feels quite uncomfortable. It might help you to understand, though, that just because certain wave forms may not resonate with each other, it doesn’t make either one of them “bad”. Sometimes our vibes just don’t jibe!

I’m sorry if this isn’t the answer you want to hear about your spouse, but I learned the hard way (after a long seven-year relationship) that I couldn’t force myself to feel romantic love. I loved the guy “to death”, to use your words, thinking that I would eventually fall in love with him, but it never happened. Our bond was loyal and deep and full of love, just not that kind of love. The chemistry was just not there and I couldn’t will it to happen, no matter how much I wanted to. Perhaps other people are different, but I know I’ll never go down that road again. Thankfully, we parted in the kindest, most loving way possible, and after enough healing time, we ended up remaining the dear friends we were all along… thank God!

Now, in the case of your mother, who you are expected to spend some amount of time with throughout your life, it may indeed, behoove you to act as if you love her if you want to spare her feelings, but always “to thine own self be true.” You either feel love for her or you don’t, and it doesn’t make you a bad daughter if you don’t. Give yourself the breathing room you need in the relationship and forgive yourself for your feelings if you haven’t done so already. If you think you can be with her from time to time in a positive way, you might feel good about doing that, especially for her sake, but I would make the phone calls or visits brief enough that you stay happy throughout the encounters. It wouldn’t serve either of you if the visits are so long they begin to deteriorate.

I hope this helps, Lyne. If you need more personal assistance with this, please feel free to call on one of us CWG Life Coaches. The first session is always free. You can find out more about this opportunity here:

http://nealedonaldwalsch.com/index.php?p=Doc&c=lifecoaching

(Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com

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  • Contentttt

    So what you are suggesting Anne is acceptance is more powerful than Love! Accept when love is not an energy that is present. Accept that love is not manufactureable! Accept that love has limitations! Accept what cannot be, even when love is what one believes they should feel and yet do not feel towards another no matter what the connection is.

    Accept what you cannot change, recongnize what you can change and accept that no matter how much you love another or would like to love another, or believe love is possible, when it is not, then “acceptance is the answer”, not love!!

  • Annie Sims

    Actually, “Contenttt”, I’m suggesting that Acceptance and Love are equal. According to CWG, the “Five Attitudes of God” are these: God is always Joyful, Loving, Accepting, Blessing and Grateful. Of course, God is Love and Love is all there is. Acceptance is simply one form of Love.

    I am inviting Lyne to offer herself compassion and forgiveness for not feeling something she thinks she should. I’m not telling her to give up on Love, nor would I ever do that. I am sharing, though, that for seven years I tried to force romantic, sexual love in a relationship where I deeply, deeply loved a man, and much to my chagrin, it never came.

    Sexual chemistry is energy. Love chemistry is energy. And energies either resonate harmoniously or they don’t. When they don’t, I don’t see any reason we should beat ourselves up about it. As long as we act as lovingly as we can in every relationship, and do the best that we can do, I think that’s enough.