addiction
I remember it like it was yesterday. I was very young, maybe eleven or twelve years old, hanging out with a friend at “The Pit.” The Pit, as we called it, was an old foundation of a house that was dug into the ground. We made a makeshift roof out of junk wood and metal we had gathered up from our neighborhood. This became our version of a tree house that we would hang out in and do “kid stuff.”
At this point in our young lives, “kid stuff” was gathering up Playboy magazines and stealing beer and cigarettes from our houses and maybe even some of our neighbors’ houses. (Sorry, Mom and neighbors.) Call it boredom, call it fitting in, call it copying adult behavior, or call it small-town living. Whatever you call it, not every kid did it the same way, so the bottom line is this was just our way.
I was raised Catholic. My family went to church pretty regularly and I attended Sunday School taught by the priest or nuns. My brother was an altar boy, and I choose to follow in his footsteps. I really think I did it because sitting in church was murderously boring, and at least being an altar boy gave me a job and a purpose for being there.
I certainly listened to the teaching. Again, some of it did not interest me much and other parts of it were just confusing. I did, however, learn that good people went to heaven and bad people went to hell. This seemed to be the crux of every fable, story, or parable that we examined. I also learned that the lines were sketchy, at best, of what was the difference between “good” and “bad.” There were some behaviors that the teaching was pretty clear on, though. And by the time I was a pre-teen, I had already done some of the “bad” ones.
Now, I don’t know if the church was clear on the whole “forgiveness of sins” thing, or perhaps I didn’t pay very close attention to that part, but I was pretty sure that there was a good chance that I was doomed to hell at an early age. And to be really honest, I didn’t care. If I am going to be completely candid here, I will admit that I never really cared for the whole “born in sin” thing. In fact, it really made me kind of mad.
Back to that day in “The Pit.” My friend and I had just found a new thing to do. I do not remember who, what, or where we got the idea from, but we decided to crush a bunch of No Doz tablets up and snort them. I clearly remember us saying “since I’m going to hell anyway.”
I would like to be really clear here that I do not blame my religious upbringing on my decision to practice risky behaviors like abusing drugs. The point I am trying to make here is that I believe that my young mind rejected the idea of my being born in sin. The term “sin,” to me, meant “bad.” So if all people where born “bad,” what is the point of that? What message does that send to someone of that age? Or for any age, for that matter?
Here is where your personal power can be experienced: Stop calling yourself bad, stop labeling your behavior as bad, stop judging others’ behaviors as bad. Look at things and see if they are producing the outcome which you desire. If not, call them “no longer useful” and move away from them.
Start taking notice of your preferences. There is a huge distinction between “preference” and “addiction.” If your choices are not producing the life you say you want to lead, choose again. Does this sound too good to be true? I assure you it isn’t. And people are doing it all the time. The only thing that limits you is what you think limits you.
The only thing stopping you from making changes in your life is your fear of the unknown. Life is here to conspire with you, not against you. It has been my experience, and the experience of many others, that when we decided to give sobriety a chance, life got better. The Soul offers us unlimited grandeur; the Mind desires to keep things small. The Mind is all about survival; the Soul knows survival is guaranteed.
I choose today to hold beliefs that serve my purpose. Fear-based beliefs no longer work for me. Conversations with God tells us that “obedience is not creation.” I would say that obedience is an escape hatch that we use in order to not be responsible for our choices. I have heard Neale say, “no one ever does anything they do not want to do.” I have placed a great deal of thought into that statement, and I would agree.
“Most people on earth don’t believe in God as God really is because it is just simply too good to be true.” ~ NDW
(Kevin McCormack, C.A.d ,is a certified addictions professional and auriculotherapist. He is a recovering addict with 26 years of sobriety. Kevin is a practicing auriculotherapist, recovery coach, and interventionist specializing in individual and family recovery. Kevin has a passion for holistic living, personal awareness training, and physical meditation. You can visit his website Life After Addicton for more information. To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@TheGlobalConversation.com)
CVS Caremark Corp, one of the largest drugstores in the United States, stated that as of October 2014 it will no longer carry tobacco products in any of its 7,600 stores around the country, hoping its voluntary decision will have a ripple effect among other pharmacy chains.
Larry J. Merlo, president and CEO of CVS Caremark, said in a statement, “Ending the sale of cigarettes and tobacco products at CVS/pharmacy is the right thing for us to do for our customers and our company to help people on their path to better health. Put simply, the sale of tobacco products is inconsistent with our purpose.”
President Barack Obama praised the pharmacy’s precedent-setting move and said in a statement, “As one of the largest retailers and pharmacies in America, CVS Caremark sets a powerful example, and today’s decision will help advance my administration’s efforts to reduce tobacco-related deaths, cancer, and heart disease, as well as bring down health care costs — ultimately saving lives and protecting untold numbers of families from pain and heartbreak for years to come.”
CVS estimates that it stands to lose upwards of $2 billion as a result of pulling cigarettes and other tobacco products off their shelves. But when weighed against a reported $123.1 billion in revenues in 2012, it doesn’t appear that CVS will be feeling much of a fiscal pinch.
Tobacco still remains the number one cause of preventable disease and death. A U.S. Surgeon General report last month linked smoking to 480,000 deaths annually, up from a previous estimate of 443,000 deaths. It attributed at least $289 billion in annual costs from smoking, including $150 billion for lost productivity and $130 billion in medical care.
But CVS is not being hailed a hero by everyone. Many critics are calling into question the mega pharmacy’s decision to pull tobacco products while at the same time continue to stock and sell unhealthy processed food choices and alcoholic beverages. Others are disgruntled over the restrictions and regulations being placed upon them as they watch their freedom of choice being chipped away at by just another big corporation.
Perhaps the drug chain is just following the breadcrumbs on the money trail, keenly aware of the significant decline in the number of cigarette smokers over the years and a steadily rising number of prescription drug sales. Stores like CVS and Walgreen’s are the gatekeepers to highly addictive and oftentimes abused prescription drugs like painkillers, tranquilizers, antidepressants, sleeping pills and stimulants, which can be just as addictive and potent as the heroin or cocaine sold on the street. And with the surging number of “pain management” clinics and pill mills popping up around the country, the business of pedaling prescription drugs has turned into a multi-billion dollar racket.
Maybe a company’s decision to remove a product known to harm people is as a result of a new world attempting to emerge, a world where the multi-million dollar corporations are forced to make changes in response to humanity’s evolution. Human beings are waking up and wising up to tobacco companies engineering addictive products and marketing them disingenuously as “cool” or “relaxing,” no longer willing to sit back and watch cigarette makers rake in billions of dollars at the expense of people dying from cancer, emphysema, and heart disease.
So what do you think? Is CVS’s decision a step in the “right’ direction, a cause for celebration? Or is it another slight-of-hand marketing ploy created to divert our attention from what is going on somewhere else in their stores? How does their declaration of “helping people on their path to better health” feel to you? Authenticate? Genuine? Promising? Contradictory? How long will financial benefit continue to be a dominating factor in the way people and businesses operate and function in our communities? In our world? Are we well on our way or at least beginning to see the day where the collective desires and longings for a better world, a freer world, a healthier and happier world, a more spiritually aware and conscious world, will produce and bring forth exactly that?
(Lisa McCormack is a Feature Editor at The Global Conversation and lives in Orlando, Florida. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
Thoughts are creative.
“Does this mean all of our thoughts? Every single thing we think, every minute, all day long?
No. And it is important to understand this. Otherwise we’ll wind up making our-selves crazy, trying to monitor every single thought that runs through our mind.
And that is an interesting phrase: “runs through.” If a thought “runs through” your Mind, it does just that. It runs through.
MOST thoughts DO that. They run through our mind like water through a sieve. Such thoughts have very little creative power. They’re moving through our Mind too quickly to build up enough energy to impact physicality.
It is only those thoughts that stick in our Mind that have power. What gives our thoughts power is the repeated thinking of them.
This places energy upon energy, building it up until it really MATTERS. That is: energy becomes physical matter.
SO!!!… if you notice that an idea is running through your Mind that you don’t like…. DON’T GIVE IT A SECOND THOUGHT. I mean that literally!
It’s your second thought that gives it power. (To say nothing of your third, fourth, and fifth thought.) If you repeatedly think something, you can be sure that you are magnifying its power.
This is the same thing as a thought being held in Mind not only ONCE… but by A LOT OF PEOPLE at the SAME TIME. This, too, magnifies the power of thought.
That is why collective prayer works.” Neale Donald Walsch.
Cravings, urges, compulsions, and obsessions are nothing more than our minds giving second, third, fourth, fifth etc… thoughts to an idea that should have just ran through our mind. When we can harness the power of recognizing a thought that no longer represents who we say we are, and make a decision not to pay attention to it, we remove energy from the negative and turn it into a positive.
And it is what we are Be-ing that is so very important in our existence here. Most of us think we are doing sobriety and that can indicate that sobriety is only a temporary state for us. When we decide it is our state of BEING, it becomes a permanent character attribute, one that we should wear on our sleeves so to speak.
Creating successful transformations from any patterned behavior requires an initial period of discipline before the newly chosen behavior becomes the norm. We perform regular functions so often, many times we find we do them without even thinking about them.
This is what I have found to be true of recovery. In the beginning I would entertain thoughts of using. What kept me from acting those out? I was also learning new behavior at the time. The new behavior I was learning was to seek help with my thinking problem. Sharing with other like-minded people, that I was having these thoughts, removed the power from them.
Over time, many months to over a year, the thoughts of using drugs or alcohol became less and less. To the point where, I can honestly say, I do not think about that anymore — ever. I am keenly aware, however, that the absence of cravings or obsession does not make me somehow “fixed” of my addictive nature.
You can see why a program of recovery from addictive or compulsive behaviors suggests that a person go to meetings on a daily basis. When we place our-selves in the rooms with other like-minded people, we are not only building energy upon our new sober thinking, but we are using the collective thoughts of the group to strengthen our resolve.
In order to manifest your hearts desires you must follow some simple steps.
- You must believe it is possible.
- You must acknowledge you are capable of creating it.
- You must set your thoughts in motion to creating this.
- You must be disciplined in keeping your mind focused on the task.
- Keeping in mind there is no such thing as time; remember to be grateful that what you wish already exists. In the program we call this “acting as if.”
Many times we allow our impatience to sidetrack us from our goals. We tire of all the work and no apparent movement towards our respective task. Ultimately, we give up and say things like, “oh well, it just wasn’t meant to be.” I call hogwash on the concept of “meant to be.” If some things are “meant to be”, then, others would be “not meant to be.”
If that is the case then we really do not have free will and we are simply the pawn in some sick twisted game being played out by a higher life form. If you believe the latter, you may want to ask yourself; what would the purpose of physicality be for the creator of all of this?
I am aware of the challenges of being disciplined in our thoughts. Negativity can creep in and take way our momentum. I find a few things can help to keep us on our path.
- Having a vision board
- Having an accountability buddy
- Being involved in a group of like-minded people.
- Starting the day with a reminder that what you wish is already in existence
- Ending the day with thanks for the experience of the journey
- Taking at least one action per day towards your goal
These are just a few of the ways we can remain true to our commitments. If you have others please feel free to share them in the comments section below. What works for you? What hasn’t worked? How can we support you? How can you support us?
(Kevin McCormack, C.A.d ,is a certified addictions professional and auriculotherapist. He is a recovering addict with 26 years of sobriety. Kevin is a practicing auriculotherapist, life coach, and interventionist specializing in individual and family recovery and also co-facilitates spiritual recovery retreats for the CWG foundation. You can visit his website here for more information. To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@TheGlobalConversation.com)
Have you ever had one of those days where you are just skipping along, happy as can be, and seemingly out of nowhere a fun-wrecker comes in and attempts to steal your joy? Are you the kind of person who has to exert some sort of power or control over others in order to feel somehow better than them or above them? Do you know a person who is constantly putting other people down so at a later point he can swoop in and raise them up to fulfill some sort of hero role? Some people will go as far as to become physically abusive to their spouses and children to maintain the illusion of power. There are many more examples of power-trippers, and please feel free to share your experiences with us in the comment section below.
Most often we think of “power-trippers” as having very low self-esteem and assume they are using the behavior as a mask for their supposed insufficiency. The truth is they are addicted to something much more destructive and insidious: dopamine.
Dopamine is the great “I am.” It is a naturally occurring neurotransmitter that, when flowing, produces a feeling of euphoria. Dopamine is our ego. To understand this better, when a cocaine addict is using, the chemical response in the brain is to release more dopamine into our system. So the person who has learned how to control that release simply by exerting control over others is just another drug addict who is under the spell of their drug of choice.
There are not too many power addicts walking through the doors of 12 step programs to get their addictions under control. Many of the people who have this affliction will take it to their grave with them. There is also very little sympathy out there for these type of people, nor should there be; however, without the help of loved ones, addicts suffering seldom have the opportunity or the encouragement to make changes in their lives. Without the understanding of what is triggering the nasty behavior of the “power-tripper,” family, friends, and loved ones eventually exit from the relationship.
Compassion is what is needed to help the person suffering with this disease. Yet without the knowledge of what is going on, most people cannot muster up the motivation to be compassionate. Ultimately, life is about our interpersonal relationships. Most of us would consciously choose not to be in relationship with a person who is constantly controlling everything and everyone around them. Yet unconsciously we find ourselves having to work or socialize with power mongers fairly often. So why is this? What could the possible benefit to the continuing evolution of mankind be?
Love.
What greater practice could there be than loving a person who is exhibiting unloving behaviors? Where we get mixed up is, what does “love” look like? Do we give in and let the person treat us badly? Is “taking one for the team” ever a productive or effective way of loving someone into wellness? No. Love is strong, love is confident, love is trusting in the way of the universe. Love knows that each individual must walk his or her own path, and that we can influence but we cannot manipulate.
There is much room to explore this topic together. Please take some time to comment down below about your experience as a power-tripper or with a control freak. Have you or someone you know recovered from this disease? How do we spot this behavior before we get in to deep?
Last month we kicked off our first in a series of Path to Peace recovery retreats. A small group of people all shared a life-changing event. If you are in recovery and not experiencing great joy and freedom or are still suffering with addictions, please consider giving yourself this opportunity to soar into grateful recovery. Our next retreat will held in San Jose, California, Sept 19 -22nd, 2013. Click here for more information.
(Kevin McCormack, C.A.d ,is a certified addictions professional. He is a recovering addict with 26 years of sobriety. Kevin is a practicing auriculotherapist, life coach, and interventionist specializing in individual and family recovery and also co-facilitates spiritual recovery retreats for the CWG foundation with JR Westen. You can visit his website for more information at www.Kevin-Spiritualmentor.com To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@TheGlobalConversation.com)
On a recent trip to the west coast of the United States, I had an interesting experience. Now, for some of you who may live in California, this may not come as a surprise to you, but I believe there are plenty of people, who, like me, actually thought that medical marijuana was being prescribed by actual doctors and not a guy in a green suit and rollerblades. I know, I know, call me naive, but I thought there was truly some degree of legitimacy in the whole medical marijuana debate.
Okay, I knew, of course, there was going to be a tremendous amount of fraud accompanying the legalization. What I did not expect was that the government of California would simply turn a blind eye to it. I mean, how does code enforcement allow the “Pot Doctor” to put up a sign that says, “get your green card for $40” on his shanty right next to the water pipe store? Really? Really? In my disbelief, I did not notice what type of store was on the other side of the Pot Doc’s place. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was a Doritos store!
All right, it is too easy to make jokes about this, and I can easily get off track from the point I am trying to make here. When I turn on the news and hear a story about a state considering the legalization of marijuana based on the “medical need” argument, am I to believe that they are actually considering this as a compassionate alternative for those who are ill and may benefit from the main chemical in pot, Tetrahydrocannabinol?
This is the point of this blog and I am going to keep it really short. California legalized pot on the basis of its usage being for medical purposes. If that is their stance, they should not allow it to be sold and marketed to anyone walking down the Boardwalk in Santa Monica. Now, if they legalized it for recreational use, then they should have defined what that is and how it can be marketed.
I was walking on the Boardwalk with my wife, my stepson, and his father, when we were approached by the esteemed doctor on rollerblades. He nonchalantly put his thumb and pointer finger together and brought them to his lips, “You guys need your card?” Mind you, my stepson is only 19.
After my shock of what had just happened wore off, I started to watch the Horticulture M.D. , realizing I was watching partially because the addict within me was flabbergasted that it was that easy to get pot nowadays. When I was actively using drugs, we had to be way more covert in our attempts to “score.” But I was also curious to see if he was interacting with families with smaller children, and although I cannot be sure he was, it sure looked that way to me.
I haven’t been to Colorado since they have changed the law, but you can bet that I will be sure to notice the culture the next time I am there; however, I feel it is a little different in Colorado. The people have voted and said they were in favor on a recreational basis.
I don’t have anything against legalization of pot. What I have a problem with is the amount of hypocrisy that surrounds these landmark decisions. I know this is ridiculous to suggest, but just be honest, politicians, you are in it for the money. You spent more than you took in, people are resisting you raising our taxes again, and you need to be creative. First it is gambling, now it is drugs, why don’t you just fast forward 20 or 30 years and make the sex-trade business legal now? This way, you can spend us further and further into debt oblivion. Just be honest with us, then do the job right and keep the drug-pusher — oops, I mean the “good doctor” out of my family’s face while we walk the Boardwalk and enjoy a nice sunset and some beautiful weather.
(Kevin McCormack, C.A.d, is a certified addictions professional. He is a recovering addict with 26 years of sobriety. Kevin is a practicing auriculotherapist, CWG life coach, and interventionist specializing in individual and family recovery. Kevin will be co-presenting with JR Westen at the CWG on Recovery Path to Peace retreat in Medford, Oregon, from June 23rd – 26th. You can visit his website for more information at www.Kevin-Spiritualmentor.com . To connect with Kevin, please e-mail him at Kevin@theglobalconversation.com)
My family and I just spent a week in a big city that we had never been to before. We were there to help our 19-year-old son move from where he went to school to the city where he will be looking to start his career. Much like the drama found in reality shows, we felt the stress of having to search for a place that was available, connect with the person who was renting, get the background checks done, and move his belongings with enough time to catch our scheduled flight back to where we live, which is clear across the country.
Our trip began with a thorough cleaning of a bachelor apartment and the packing of all its contents. Once we were packed, it was time for our 7-hour drive to the destination where our son would pursue turning his passion into a profession. The one-week time frame had now dwindled down to 4 days, and we had only a few leads which we found on Craigslist. As we drove around to check out these leads, we quickly realized how precious our time was and how fast it was going by.
The odds started to appear to be stacked against us. We did not know the area at all. We had a budget we had set which was a random number we had all agreed on prior to even knowing what the market value was. We were following directions from our Smart Phone map programs and a GPS unit, all of which wanted us to take traffic-jammed freeways just to travel short distances.
As a group, our frustration began to build. We had been driving around for four hours and had only seen three properties. Taking a look at the reality of our situation, we had decided it would be wise to take two cars so we could cover more ground. Although this was not the way we had wanted our trip to go, it was not very long after this decision that it became clear things were exactly the way they were supposed to be.
I knew in my heart that we would succeed in our mission. This was never really in question for me. What I failed to keep in my mind was the bigger picture that is always present. Think small and you will surely experience little results. The bigger picture always includes engaging all people on a deeper level than “what can I get from you.” True happiness seems to always come from a place of mutual energy exchange.
We had not kept in our awareness that all of our human tasks, no matter how big or how minor, revolve around one very important thing: our relationships with others. Our relationships with all people are the single-most important aspect of the contextual field we are here to experience. When we bring the energy of Oneness to each and every interaction with others, the heavens rejoice and the treasure chests are opened.
Here is what we began to do that changed everything: We made a decision to not go it alone. We began to engage strangers in our plight. As we were driving around, we saw “for rent” signs and would call them. If the person did not have a property that was suitable to us for one reason or another, we ended the phone call by asking a uniting question: Do you know of any apartments or people we could contact that may have something for us to consider?
This simple question seemed to bring out the best in everyone we posed it to. Every single person took the conversation to the next level. We had simple suggestions like “try this part of town” or “stay away from this particular area.” A few said, “I do not, but here is the number of someone who might.”
We had one person whose name was Harold go way above and beyond by not only giving us three great leads right away, but also called us back the next morning and gave us two more!
Not one of those we engaged on our journey did we meet face to face, nor did we have any prior relationship with them. They had no financial reason to help us, as they were also landlords looking to rent their own properties. So why did they do so? Why did they take time out of their busy schedules to help us, someone they didn’t know and would likely never meet?
I think I know why. I believe that we all want to help others and have an internal and eternal desire to be of service to Humanity. I feel they were as empowered and enriched by helping us as we were by their generosity. I know, in the core of my being, that we all want to give freely our gift, and we are just waiting for the invitation to do so. Great joy always seems to involve doing something for another without the thought of what is in this for me.
So how does this article end up in the Addiction in Recovery column?
Recovery only works when we engage those who have gone before us and ask them to share their experience, strength, and hope with us. The founders of the Twelve Step method knew right away recovery could not take place without the support of those who could relate to the plight of the addicted.
Addiction is a solitary disease. Many start off using in a social setting in order to fit in. At first, the disease seems to be the cure for all of our ills. We become social and outgoing. Ironically and slowly, the disease progresses and takes all of that away again. We become lonely, isolated, and avoided. Sick, tired, and dying, we are faced with the decision: Do I continue to use and kill myself slowly? Or do I reach out for help and give someone the opportunity to experience their purpose, helping others?
Would you like to be part of a group of recovering people who share a similar belief system? Join us for the CwG on Recovery Path to Peace retreat in Medford Oregon June 23 – June 26.
Kevin McCormack, C.A.d ,is a certified addictions professional. He is a recovering addict with 26 years of sobriety. Kevin is a practicing auriculotherapist, life coach, and interventionist specializing in individual and family recovery. You can visit his website for more information at www.Kevin-Spiritualmentor.com To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin.Spiritualmentor@gmail.com or call 407-808-6431.
(This week’s Addiction Column is hosting an article submitted by Cathy Taughinbaugh, Founder of “Treatment Talk.”)
I am the parent of a former addict.
When my daughter was 19, I realized she was addicted to crystal meth. It was late spring and she should have been finishing her sophomore year at college, but instead, because of her addiction, she was no longer attending classes. She had taken a job washing dogs and she had just been fired.
Through the years, I’ve asked myself why I didn’t know that my daughter was using drugs. As it turns out, she had been using on and off for the past four years, including her last two years of high school.
I found crystal meth in her backpack in the fall of her senior year. We had it identified, so we knew for sure what the drug was. Her father and I sat her down and listened carefully as she explained through her tears that she was holding it for her friends and that she did not use the drug. She said she would never do it again.
I honestly believe that she didn’t use again. For awhile.
As parents, we were shocked, frightened, and angry that she had made this choice to use drugs. We were filled with shame, and clearly in denial. We were naive to think that our little talk would make any difference in my daughter’s future choices.
She was grounded for a few weeks. She did attend a therapy appointment, but that didn’t go well, so we discontinued it. I try to stop myself, but I do occasionally think back on what we didn’t do: We didn’t drug test her. We didn’t send her to a drug education program. We didn’t change her environment. We did not regularly check her backpack and room, because if I’m brutally honest, I was too scared of what I would find.
There were a few minor infractions after that incident, but she kept her curfew, was accepted to college, and seemed to be functioning as a normal teenager.
I know now why I was in denial during that time. It is difficult to face a problem when you don’t have the answers. Drug use was new territory for me. I had never had any family member addicted and didn’t have a clue about crystal meth. Although I know now that I didn’t cause it, at the time, I didn’t want to face my role in my daughter’s addiction.
So like many parents, I continued on in my comfort zone. I wanted to continue the close relationship with my daughter and was not sure how to do that and be the drug warden at the same time.
But when she was almost 20 years old, her drug use became clear and that’s when I jumped into action. I called a few close friends that I thought could give me some guidance and help.
We found an educational consultant who put us on a path to healing. She agreed to treatment, and within one week she was on a plane to Utah to attend a Wilderness program for five weeks and then on to Southern California where she was in treatment for another three months. Finally, she lived in a sober home for six months.
Her program included getting a job and/or attending college. She did both and graduated from a local state university. A part-time job in a grocery store helped pay expenses while going back to school.
Today, I am a grateful parent. My daughter has continued in long-term recovery and is doing well. We both realized, first and foremost, that we needed to face our reality, change and grow.
Having an addicted child is not what any mom dreams for her child. This was the last thing I expected. The emotional exhaustion sends you down a devastating path. It is a journey to find your way back. The financial costs took my breath away.
For any family thrown into the midst of their child’s addiction, you feel the full range of emotions throughout the experience. From anxiety, to anger, frustration, sadness and grief, the emotions can consume you if you let them. You have to say goodbye to the child that once was and accept this new person whose life has become chaotic and unmanageable.
The control of your life that you once had is now gone. You know inside that you’ve also lost the power to make a difference in your child’s life while they are in the midst of their addiction.
Just like any addicted person, finding a spiritual side to my life and seeking the support of others is what saved me. It gave me the courage to ask for help, the strength to walk into that first Al-Anon meeting and the understanding that there was hope for my family.
Self care and support was essential for me. Addiction is draining on everyone but particularly those closest to the addict. As they say in the airlines, put your oxygen mask on first, before helping others. This is exactly what you need to do when you are dealing with your child’s drug or alcohol dependence. Work on healing yourself first before you try and heal your child.
My daughter has moved on with her life and doesn’t discuss her addiction often. She knows, however, that life can be hard due to poor choices and the disease of addiction. She also knows that there is always hope.
We both realized that our lives could change when we were ready to dig deep, overcome our fear and take on the challenge to begin again.
(Cathy Taughinbaugh is a Parent Recovery and Life Coach and Founder of Treatment Talk, a website dedicated to sharing and support for addiction, recovery and treatment. Cathy is committed to educating parents, young adults and teens about the dangers of substance abuse.)
First, thanks so much for the wonderful birthday wishes. I was so blessed to have received them from so many! I had a wonderful 50th birthday and I am looking forward to the next 50!
I write to you this week from Medford, Oregon, where I just finished attending and presenting at a CwG Spiritual Renewal Retreat with Neale Donald Walsch. These retreats are perhaps my favorite thing to do in the world, for they allow me to BE some of my most desired states of BEingness.
BEingness, as we discussed in the retreat this last week, has everything to do with creating your life experience. What I notice is that most have the formula backwards. Most attempt to create BEingness through either Doing or Having — if I do this or get that, I will then be the thing called happy. These two will not produce the long-term desired results simply because they are not the right tool for the job.
For example, a couple of my favorite States of Beingness are being helpful and being of service. Retreats are a wonderful way of allowing my Beingness to flow through me in a doingness way, called being a presenter, facilitator, helper, etc.
My recent appointment as the Executive Director of the Conversations with God Foundation has also kept me wonderfully engaged in my favored States of Beingness. I feel fortunate to have been reminded of this wisdom, what the Conversations with God material calls the “Be-Do-Have” paradigm. Choosing a State of Beingness prior to doing or having is the secret to creating a life you really love and desire.
I, like most, had it backwards. That is, I thought I had to Do or Have in order to BE. When I got that I could choose in advance what I wanted to experience, and that the choice itself would create the way to functionally have the experience, I got on with being those States of Being which have always provided me with the greatest joy.
Because I have chosen to BE helpful and to BE of service, life has provided me with so many ways to fulfill those desired states. That is, because I chose to BE first — that is, prior to Doing — life joined in with me and co-created the possibilities to BE-come those States of Being, which, by the way, have been, and continue to be, abundantly provided in the forms of Doing. And because I do so much as a result, I have so much to show for it. Yet neither Doing nor Having can ever create, with any long-term result, the experience of Beingness…that you must choose for yourself!
It truly is as Shakespeare said: “To Be or not To Be”! Remember that whatever your choice, life will comply and create the way to do and have that experience…so choose wisely!
It is so wonderful when you choose to be who you really are, for there you will find — or said better, co-create — your mission, purpose, and passion in life. Because I chose to BE the aspects of Divinity that fulfill my Soul’s desire, being helpful and being of service, the Doingness was and is always abundantly provided. This is the Law of Attraction.
There is great power in knowing and using this. That is, you can make up your life experience in advance, in the moment of now, or even in the past. I have seen many people awaken to the possibilities of recreating their lives anew just by choosing again. Choosing who you want to be is the simplest way to turn everything in life around in your favor. The universe awaits your decision and actions so that it can respond in like kind.
For example, I was literally built for the Doingness “jobs” that I currently have, like being a counselor or working for the Conversations with God Foundation. I could have never lined up the universe so perfectly to get these jobs, not even if I had tried. Being of service and being helpful created the path to this work, not the other way around.
The love that flows through me in my particular form of Doingness provides me with the experience of BE-coming the next grandest version of the greatest vision ever I held of who I am. When I am being of service, there is no greater gift I could experience. AND the way to BE that continues to show up each and every day. That is the power behind intention and choice. Try it for yourself!
If I may be so bold, may I share another form of my Doingness that could benefit your choice in Beingness? If you have never attended a Conversations with God retreat, it is an experience that I hope you gift yourself with soon. Those who take on recreating their lives anew in the next grandest version of the greatest vision ever they held of who they are find great benefit in gathering with others interested in creating similar outcomes. If you have not had the opportunity to share in that kind of joy, please consider joining me at one or both of our next retreats coming in June.
I am particularly excited about the upcoming retreats. Two possibilities exist for you to recreate yourself anew. First we take on Recovery in a practical way in our “CwG on Recovery” retreat on June 23 – June 26. The evening of the 26th, we move right into the “CwG Spiritual Renewal” retreat. It is sure to be a week of transformation for those who attend both.
Most know that one of my specialties is in the healing of addiction. Addiction is the extreme opposite of who you really are. Few in our world escape the impact of it and most are touched by it in some way. Addiction, by definition, is “The continued use of substances or behaviors despite negative consequences.” Whether it’s knowing someone or being one, addiction is one of the top causes of death on the planet today. The good news is it doesn’t have to be that way.
“CwG on Recovery,” also known as “The Path to Peace” retreat, will focus on the healing of Dis-ease, not just recovery from addiction. I, along with a host of others, will cover the body, mind, emotional, and spiritual nature of healing, and of all life, using practical wisdom and tools to create balance.
The program will offer a Body-Mind-Emotion and Spiritual approach to recovery and healing, and consists of practical tools that work. Our time together will provide the information and inspiration to remove the road blocks to Recovery and create a clear path to a life of Happy, Joyous, and Free. I hope you can join me.
For more information about this or any other way I might help you BE-come that next grandest vision, please reach out. And use the Be-Do-Have paradigm consciously from now on and watch it make a world of difference in your life. And don’t believe me…just try it! Until next time, Blessed BE! – JR
(J.R. Westen, D.D., C.A.d, is a Holistic Health & Spiritual Counselor who has worked and presented side-by-side with Neale Donald Walsch for over a decade. He is passionate about helping individuals move beyond their emotional and spiritual challenges, transforming breakdowns into breakthroughs. His counseling and coaching provides practical wisdom and guidance that can be immediately incorporated to shift one’s experience of life.
As is true for most impactful teachers, J.R.’s own struggles and triumphs inspired him to find powerful ways of helping others. Sober since June 1, 1986, J.R.’s passion for helping individuals move through intense life challenges drove him to also specialize in Addiction and Grief Recovery.
J.R. currently shares his gift of counseling & coaching with individuals from around the world through the Wellness Center, Simply Vibrant, located on Long Island N.Y. In addition, he operates “Change House” a place where people come to transform. He also works with Escondido Sobering Services and now serves as the Director for the Conversations with God Foundation. He can be contacted at JR@CWG.ORG. )
There I was, walking away from my family and towards the detox ward of the hospital. Overwhelming fear, coupled with a hangover and sense of humiliation, weighing on my thoughts and my body. So many questions running through my head: What is this going to be like? What are they going to do to me? How can I get out of this? Where would I go? What have I gotten myself into? I was walking into the complete unknown, and I was afraid.
I remember very clearly the first thing that took place. I was greeted by the doctor who ran the detox. His name was Dr. D’ Amico. He explained that I would be wearing the typical hospital gown; you know the one that is open in the back and ties around your waste. He gave his reason for this: “You are sick. You are suffering from a disease; therefore, you will be treated as any other person who is sick.” This was my first real introduction to addiction as a disease.
After changing into the hospital gown, the nurse took all of my possessions, shoes and socks, clothing, and cigarettes. There was no smoking in the hospital detox. I was led to my room, basically an open area where there were two beds sectioned off from the rest of the hospital by only a curtain. The curtain remained open all the time.
I was tired and worn down. Looking back, I felt relief to be out of the cycle of addiction and the pace of the life I had created. A nurse came to my bed, bringing medication. And I was told that because alcohol was one of the drugs I was withdrawing from, I had to take anti-seizure medicine. Alcohol withdrawal is the most dangerous drug to withdraw from.
My second day in detox was more challenging. I was already feeling much better after a good night’s sleep and nutritious meals. Feeling better sounds like a good thing, but for a person who is addicted, feeling good and healthy typically means that it is okay to start using again. And that is exactly what I was thinking: “I don’t need this. I can do it myself.” I don’t remember saying that, but I would not be surprised if I did, as I know I was thinking it!
My addictive behavior did not end in the detox. After the second day, when the nurse would deliver the anti-seizure medicine, I would store it under my tongue until she left the room. I would quickly remove it and hide it under my pillow for future use. I was saving it up so I could take more than one and hopefully get high. Looking back on this behavior reminds me that I was not just a “normal” kid who liked to party a little too much.
It was pre-arranged that I would go directly from detox to a 28-day inpatient treatment facility. This is a very common procedure, because by the seventh day of detox, I was feeling on top of the world physically and mentally. I was very resistant to going to a rehabilitation center. (Most of the people who do not go directly to rehab relapse and begin using again shortly after their release from the hospital.) After a brief intervention with my parents and the doctor, I agreed to proceed as planned.
It is my hope that in the telling of my personal story here someone reading this will have a greater understanding of how to navigate early recovery either for them or for a loved one. Alcoholics and drug addicts will convince themselves and everyone else that they just need to break the cycle of using and they will be fine. I am here to tell you it just isn’t so. Abstinence is not recovery! And except for extremely rare cases, abstinence does not maintain. For those who do simply abstain from using their drugs of choice without employing some form of self-improvement program, long-term recovery is much less likely to happen. It is the addictive behavior that must be addressed. The drugs are simply the symptom of a far greater issue. I was not plotting my next binge when I was saving up the medication for “one last high”; I was exhibiting the behavior of an addict.
Addictive personalities do not simply go away with time. It is debatable whether or not they ever go away. From my personal experience in recovery, irrational thinking, obsessions, desire for instant gratification do not disappear from the recovering addict’s life. What does go away is the obsession to use drugs and alcohol. It does dissolve immediately. For some, it can take years. But the transformation does take place.
The motto of the recovery community is “One day at a time.” Indeed, this is the basis for most programs that deal with addictions. And what a wonderful way to live life it is. When we seek to keep things simple and we stop projecting our thoughts into the future or wishing the past was different, we remember that all we have is the breath we are taking this very moment of now. We have the power to change who we are right now, but not by fretting over the past or fearing what may come next. When we live one moment at a time in the awareness that the past is the past and the future is unwritten, we find our peace. This is recovery.
(Kevin McCormack C.A.d Is a certified addictions professional, as well as a Conversations with God Life Coach. Kevin is a practicing Auriculotherapist, and a Spiritual helper on www.changingchange.net. Kevin will be presenting at the CwG Recovery Retreat in Medford Oregon June 23rd – June 26th. You can visit his website at www.Kevin-Spiritualmentor.com To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@theglobalconversation.com)
Teacher: I am looking for an exceptional student.
Prospective Student: What are the requirements for the position?
Teacher: Failures! The student needs to have come through many failures.
Prospective Student: You’ve found the right person!
People are not necessarily forthcoming when it comes to discussing their failures, but there is so much to be learned if we properly analyze them. Some of the most important lessons you will ever learn will come from the analysis of the failures you have had and the application of the lessons you have learned from them.
Everyone will have an opportunity to fail at some point in life. It is unpleasant, and for good reason. Failures are the one of the Uni-verse’s main methods of education. When we fail, it is our time to re-assess our actions, our information and our desires. We are being asked to learn something. Every failure gives us an opportunity to learn humility, which is one of the greatest and perhaps most overlooked assets. In today’s world, who wants to be humble? It’s like a 4-letter word. And yet, humility simply means the ability to see clearly what we are and what we are not, where we begin and where we end. It is a great thing to work on.
The ego dislikes failing. The very idea of being humble makes the ego cringe. Notice your ego when it flares up, thank it for sharing, and re-commit yourself to learning what you need to learn so you do not have to revisit the same failure more than once.
How can we best learn from our failures? Let’s look at the “3 Ds” – Desire, Direction and Discipline. These are what I call “the three necessities.” These are the required ingredients for success in any venture.
The first ingredient we must have to succeed is desire. Desire fuels our day-to-day journey and makes our work enjoyable even through the challenges. If we lack the desire to do something, if it is not in alignment with our ultimate goals, we will most certainly fail. Even if we get the thing we are working towards, it will be a vacuous attainment at best. We will have been pursuing something for the wrong reasons.
I have an amazing friend who pursued a financial career, and had great “success” with it until he was so miserable inside that he woke up to the reality that what he had pursued was out of alignment with his heart. Due to his ability to analyze and correct his alignment, my friend was able to take this failure and turn it into many future successes.
Now, if we have the desire, we will then need direction. How do we get it done? What do we need to know? Who can help us?
Perhaps you have set out down a path toward a goal that you did not know how to reach. You make mistakes. Occasionally you get lucky. You get knocked down and you get back up. With persistence, you may eventually reach your goal, but it is always best to seek direction from people who have been where you are trying to go. These are teachers, guides, mentors. They light the way.
With desire and proper direction, you are well on your way to success. Yet, without the ability to apply desire and direction in a strategic way, you may find your goals remain just out of reach. This brings us to the third necessity, another four-letter word in our society known as discipline.
Ironically, discipline is the precursor to joy. When you sit down to learn the piano, you start by learning scales. It can be tedious, boring and frustrating. You apply discipline, you keep showing up, and you develop skill. Eventually, you sit down at the piano and your teacher says, “Now, just play.” You experience a profound joy and liberation in playing piano, but it required discipline first.
Coming off a failure, we can feel a sense of desperation to jump right back in and make something work. We must be careful not to rush into the next thing until we have completed a period of assessment, adjustment, and sometimes grief-work if necessary. In time, we will become naturally ready to receive the teaching that Universe has for us. With patience, we will be able to do the necessary work so that our failures will become catalysts for many future successes. Put another way, when you lose, don’t lose the lesson!
I wish this for you.
Love, Peace and Light.
Tommy Rosen
Tommy Rosen
(Tommy Rosen is a yoga teacher and addiction recovery expert who has spent the last two decades immersed in recovery, yoga and wellness. Tommy is certified in both Hatha and Kundalini Yoga and Meditation. He is one of the pioneers in the burgeoning field of Yoga and Recovery, which utilizes yoga and meditation to help people overcome addictions and build fulfilling lives.
Tommy is the Co-Producer and Host of The Recovery 2.0: Beyond Addiction Online Conference, which features 35 talks with globally recognized experts offering diverse perspectives on addiction and is attended by tens of thousands of people from over 70 countries: Recovery2Point0.com. Tommy is also co-founder and producer of Tadasana: The International Festival of Yoga & Music, an annual multi-day festival in Southern California.
As a respected expert, Rosen teaches and speaks regularly at yoga conferences and festivals, including Wanderlust, Hanuman, Tadasana and many others. He also teaches annually at Esalen, Omega and Kripalu and runs yoga/recovery workshops and retreats internationally. Tommy’s blogs and articles have appeared in The Daily Love, LA Yoga, Huffington Post, Elephant Journal, MindBodyGreen.com and Intent.com to name but a few. He is also a featured GAIAM TV yoga teacher.
Tommy’s first book, “Recovery 2.0: Beyond Addiction,” will be out from Hay House in the Spring of 2014. The Recovery 2.0 DVD series is launching in the spring of 2013. Tommy and his wife, noted yoga instructor Kia Miller, live in Venice, California where they teach yoga, and grow organic vegetables in their backyard.)
(If you would like to contribute an article you have authored to the Guest Column, please submit it to our Managing Editor, Lisa McCormack, for possible publication in this space. Not all submissions can be published, due to the number of submissions and sometimes because of other content considerations, but all are encouraged. Send submissions to Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com. Please label the topic: “Guest Column.”)
