Somebody Asked Me
I am going through a bit of change looking for a job and being scared of my full potential. I just finished my degree in homeopathy and what I would like to do the most now is to practice and help people. First, however, I need to help myself. I need funds to start my clinic (insurance, association membership, place to practice, the list goes on). Fear of failure keeps me procrastinating and in a fearful place. I want to move out of it and I need help… Ava
Dear Ava… Thank you for reaching out. I can see why it would be very daunting to open a brand new clinic. That’s quite a laundry list of things to do to get started, and looks to be quite expensive! Let’s see, though, if we can address these other fears you’re having that are holding you back, because an acronym for FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real. And as one of our great American presidents, FDR, said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”
You say you are scared of your “full potential”, but is full potential anything to be afraid of? Our Soul’s basic desire is to express itself fully, in the grandest version of the greatest vision it ever held about itself. In other words, to reach its Highest Potential. If you really knew and understood the truth of Who You Are, Ava, an aspect of God with its same unlimited power to create anything you desire, I think fear would not be an issue for you.
And about that “fear of failure”: did you know that Conversations With God says there is no such thing as failure? Anything that looks like a failure is simply Life’s way of course-correcting. When something we’ve planned doesn’t go the way our Mind thinks it should, it can only be because our Soul has a higher plan for our growth, and this is nothing to be afraid of, my dear! The Mind’s information is so very limited, but the Soul knows all, and will never steer us wrong. We may experience disappointment over a perceived failure when it first happens, but given the benefit of time and hindsight, we will always see the blessing and growth it brought us.
Would it be possible for you to offer your homeopathy services in a clinic that has already been established, so you wouldn’t have to start one from scratch? Or could you start working part-time out of your home, or perhaps in an herbal or whole foods shop, or at a massage or chiropractic clinic? In other words, see if you can find a way to start your practice on a smaller basis. Since you just graduated, it will give you an opportunity to dip your toe in the water and make sure you really love this line of work before jumping in with both feet! I would think you’d need a little practice too, before starting a clinic.
Fear is just a distortion of the One Emotion – Love. What do you love so much you’re afraid of losing it? Please look deeply at your fears and ask yourself this all-important question about each one of them: IS IT TRUE?
(Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
I’m struggling with a recent choice I’ve made, and desperately trying to find my spiritual center here, as it is pretty clear I can’t go back on this decision. I entered into a business agreement/partnership that I was at first really excited and happy about and am now feeling full of fear, doubt, and maybe even some regret. I feel stuck in this decision, and I’m confused by how confident I felt when I made it and how I’m so not right now. Not sure what I’m asking here, I guess I just want to know how to deal with something that I’ve created and am feeling lost about.
Michelle, Tampa
Hi Michelle,
In my book, there are few feelings as bad as the one you get when you think you’ve made a mistake – it’s torture! I feel for you, I do, but I also have some very good news: there is no right or wrong choice here. There is the choice you make, the meaning you give it, and where you choose to place your focus from there. These 3 ingredients heavily impact your experience of the choice you’ve made, and more good news, you are completely in control of that.
It sounds to me like what you are asking for here is how to feel good about your choice, or at least your current experience. It doesn’t hurt to mention that if backing out is something you truly want and believe is the best for you, it is always possible; when there’s a will there’s a way and all that good stuff, but I personally look at it as more of a giving “the how” of it over to the Universe or God to figure out. But to be honest with you, Michelle, that’s not really the vibe I’m getting here. I could be wrong, but let’s go with it anyway.
It is completely normal to feel scared out of our minds and filled with fear, doubt, anxiety, worry, etc. after making a life-altering decision, and I’m guessing that’s a large part of why you can’t connect to that original enthusiasm and excitement you felt when making this business decision. Conversations with God says that there is no right or wrong, no should or shouldn’t, there isn’t even an absolute truth. Life has no meaning, in fact, save the meaning we give it. So how do we go about making decisions from that understanding? CWG also says that your own truth about something will be your highest thought, your highest feeling about something, which I like to translate into if it feels good, it’s right. Remember, Michelle, it felt really good when you made this decision. The fact that it doesn’t so much now doesn’t necessarily point to it being the wrong decision after all; like I said, it’s more than likely a very normal reaction to a big change in your life.
So if you can accept all of that to be true (and it’s totally okay if you don’t, at the very least use it as a context to decide even more clearly what is true for you), then it all comes down to those last two ingredients I spoke of : choosing the meaning (and I recommend choosing something that feels good) and then consciously and diligently placing your focus on the parts that you like, and avoiding the rest like the plague. Put another way, if the meaning you decide this experience is that it is indeed the right choice for you, and it’s completely natural for you to freak out a bit and that’s okay, spend your time and energy focusing on and turning up the volume on the things about this business agreement that excite you, that are attractive to you, that light you up. Turn it up so loud that you can’t even hear the rest (fear, doubt, uncertainty, etc.), in fact, turn the volume down on that stuff!
It is entirely in your power to enjoy and feel good about this decision, Michelle, any decision really. Look at this as some really good and really BIG practice.
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
I have been having some serious family issues lately, and, I admit, the sound must carry to the neighbors. I have a religious neighbor (we obviously have very different views and parenting styles) who, out of the blue, came up to tell me, in a condescending way, that they pray for us all the time. She is so judgmental! Now, if it someone were to say that to you, how would you respond in a shove it up your you-know-what, kindly kind of way??
Hillery in Montana
Dear Hillery,
Very simply, I would thank her for her kind thoughts. And tell her I can use all the kind thoughts I can get!
I would also not assume that she is without drama/trauma in her own life, so I might also tell her that I would keep her in my prayers as well.
You referred to how judgmental she is…let her judge. You are also judging her. There is a difference between noticing what is, and being judgmental, BTW. When there is a negative emotion that attaches itself to our perception of the other person, as opposed to the action, we have moved into judgment. It is natural to react to this emotion. It is also likely clear to her that you feel this way, and that you don’t think that her way is okay. So, the cycle of judgment keeps going on and on.
But you can stop that cycle, Hillery, simply by noticing what you are doing, noticing that she is doing the best she can, and change your mind about her. How? Just take what she really means, (that she knows things are not perfect in your world, and you could likely use a little help), and throw out the doctrine and judgment she brings to it. That simple shift removes your judgment moving back at her.
There is a very good chance that she felt awkward about saying anything to you, and that she had to muster up the courage to speak to you. Further, is it also possible that your reaction to her words is your embarrassment in knowing that others know you are struggling, and are witnessing the drama? Is it possible that you don’t think it is okay what is happening in your life? We do seem to want the outside world to see only the perfect little family picture, don’t we?
Sweet Hillary, is it also possible that the judgment you are reacting to is your self judgment? If so, stop. Change your mind. Don’t let fear (embarrassment) and judgment hold you in place. Let the energy of her, in essence, saying, “You are not alone.”, be what flows through you. Know that Divinity does not expect perfection from you, because She thinks you are already perfect, no matter that it may appear it is not.
You may even wish to strike up a conversation with your neighbor, from a new perspective. Who knows, she may have been reaching out to you from her pain, and you may be able to help each other. This might actually be the perfect time to teach her a new prayer:
Thank you Creator/God, for letting me know that this problem has already been solved. Please help me now to see my part in that solution.
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.cwghelpingoutreach.com She may be contacted at: Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
I’ve seen too much suffering in the world and tried to commit suicide twice when I was young. Today, I’m lost. I’ve tried every church denomination I could find so I’m finally seeking help from a psychiatrist. I take too many meds just to keep me calm and sane. I am trying to find out how to find the peace that I lost along the way. I was never encouraged to do much with my life from my parents. Mediocre was okay. And teachers thought I was just another run of the mill student. Nothing special. So I’m nothing special. And that’s the way I feel. Just another cog, on meds to keep me working… Dan
Dear Dan… Yours is a very common spiritual problem. You simply don’t understand some things about Life, the understanding of which would change everything. And the things you don’t understand are fundamental questions about how life works the way it does.
All suffering comes from thought—the thought that things shouldn’t be happening the way they are. We all think this way until we come to larger understandings of the processes of Life. When we realize that our souls call forth the perfect people, places, and events to give us opportunities for growth and expression, we can more easily accept the cruelties of the physical world.
Do you know who you are, Dan? You are an angel on this Earth, in physical form. Nothing special? I don’t think so, Dan, not for one second. You are an individuated aspect of God, as are we all, and you are capable of embracing the same “Five Attitudes of God”, which according to CWG are these: God is always Joyful, Loving, Accepting, Blessing and Grateful. Since you are part of God, these qualities are are your natural states of being, as well. It is just a matter of choosing thoughts that embody these attitudes no matter what is happening—choosing to consciously marry your mind with your soul’s highest knowing of Who You Really Are and What’s Really Going On Here.
The way to do this is to be still and go within, often. Yes, I know the mind wants to jump all over the place when we meditate… at first. Learning to be still so we can commune with God/our Soul/our Higher Knowing takes practice, but in my experience, it is the only way to find lasting inner peace and happiness. When we go within we open ourselves to hearing what God is trying to communicate to us so that we can create our life in the happiest, most fulfilling way.
Do you know that life is meant to be happy, Dan? It is, and it can be, I assure you. Please read Neale’s wonderful book, Happier Than God, for some clear ways to move toward the joy that you naturally are.
And last, but not least, please begin to take your mind’s emphasis off yourself, and look to see how you can be a blessing to everyone you come into contact with. The world needs the very special uniqueness that is you, Dan. You will find that as you do what you can to uplift others, you also uplift yourself in the process.
(Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
Dear Nova,
My biggest fear is to hurt another, and it is also my biggest block. I am an artist and I often use nudity in my drawings, but have a hard time displaying them because I am afraid some people might be shocked or offended. I do display them but struggle with the fear of making people uncomfortable. In fact, I often hold back in a lot of ways for fear of how it will impact others, and it leaves me feeling stuck and unfulfilled.
If you feel you can help me out of there, I would welcome a contact.
Warmly,
Angeline, Ontario
Hi Angeline,
I can relate very much to what you’re saying. I’ve had the opportunity to do a lot of work in that area on myself, as it was very common for me to hold back in expressing myself authentically for fear of offending anyone (not so long ago, either!). In other words, I took care of the emotions of others first and made them more important than my own.
What I realized along the way, and what I now remind myself of nearly every day, is that not only am I betraying myself when doing this, I am denying others the opportunity to decide and experience who THEY are in the context our interaction is providing them. While I think I am protecting and even helping them by making all sorts of assumptions to make sure they are not offended or uncomfortable, I’m actually robbing them of perhaps a very valuable experience. And nobody wins that way.
So I have come to the conclusion that my only job is to be as authentically me as possible, to express myself from a place of alignment (and when I’m not in alignment perhaps go within until I can get back there and/or be more gentle and “forgiving” of myself) and ALLOW others the opportunity to do the same. Not always easy, mind you, but it’s always in the highest interest of all involved, and really, anything else is just way too much work, isn’t it?
A great quote to remember about this, and I’m not sure who said it first, “What other people think of me is none of my business.” And of course, CWG says, “Betrayal of yourself in order not to betray another is betrayal nonetheless. It is the highest betrayal.”
Be you, Angeline. Give the world that gift, and do your best to not take the reaction/response of others’ personally, as you don’t know what their soul is trying to accomplish in this lifetime. And by giving yourself permission to be Who You Really Are, well, there is such immense joy (not to mention relief!) in that. Give it a go.
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach (www.cwghelpingoutreach.com) offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
I am so angry. I have been in a marriage for 32 years. I have been faithful. I have given him children. AND I have had a full time job. Now I find he wants a divorce, and wants to be free to be with other women. Now I am all alone, he wants to leave me with the kids, the stress is making my job performance suffer and I am at risk for losing my job, and he is off having his fun. I need him! Is this God being fair??
Rhea
Dear Rhea,
I am so sorry you are going through this right now. I get that it doesn’t seem fair.
Since I don’t have the luxury of an ongoing dialog, like I do over at The CWG Helping Outreach, I am going to be quite direct.
You talk about your relationship in terms of him getting what he wants, and you not being treated fairly…you do not speak of losing your soulmate, or the love of your life or any other endearing term. Which leads me to ask what you expected of marriage…why were you in the marriage? I often ask, and I will ask you: What is your definition of Love?
I think that what “Conversations With God” has to say about this subject is particularly pertinent right now. In chapter 8 of book 1, it talks about how we define Love. In this chapter God says:
“For most people, love is a response to need fulfillment.
Everyone has needs. You need this, another needs that. You both see in each other a chance for need fulfillment. So you agree—tacitly—to a trade. I’ll trade you what I’ve got if you’ll give me what you’ve got.
It’s a transaction. But you don’t tell the truth about it. You don’t say, “I trade you very much.” You say, “I love you very much,” and then the disappointment begins.”
A relationship that is healthy, even if it does not last forever, begins with knowing that we are complete with or without that other person in our lives, and having a desire to share that completeness with another, hoping to enhance their lives and yours in the process of sharing. We all need help along the way, and none of us live in this perfect little love zone all of the time, but it is what healthy relationships are based on, and what they return to when the dramas in life end. In fact, getting back to that space is what causes the drama to end.
Further, Rhea, we most often think of “relationships” as having to do with romance. In reality, we are having a relationship with everything in our world all the time. We know who we are relative to all that is around us, and how we act on those relationships depends on our thoughts about those things, including our thoughts about who we are. Our thoughts create our experience. Hard to believe, I know, when we are in the middle of traumatic changes in our lives, like the ones you are going through right now. Our thoughts do create our experiences, (not to be confused with events) and you can change your experience right now by changing your thoughts about why this is happening. One very good tool, among many good tools out there, to help you change your thoughts, is the book, “When Everything Changes, Change Everything” that Neale wrote. (Information about the website is below, and the book can be read for free on the website!)
I am a person who always looks for the “silver lining” in things. Even when things that appear awful are happening, my mind goes back to the times when things looked hopeless, yet they ultimately proved to be things that opened up doors for me. (For instance, the hopeless co-worker relationship actually had to happen to me, so that I wouldn’t be attached to that job, and I was open to the next.) When I do simply accept that there is more, my mind relaxes and gives me a break. I calm down and am able to let my mind filter what my soul is saying. Can you see even a tiny bit of silver? Can you look back at anything in your life and see the silver lining now, that you couldn’t see then?
Rhea, “justice”, by the way, presumes that something is “wrong”. There is nothing wrong. Each person simply has their own soul path.
I am going to write a little story around what you say about your ex…I might look at him and think that he is a very insecure person. Why? Because he is looking for love and acceptance outside of himself. He seems to need validating by temporary things. Who he is, doesn’t seem to be enough for him. Which leads to many questions as to why…
What I have done, by doing this, Rhea, is write a story that moves me from pure judging, to looking for understanding of his actions. Not necessarily because I think that those actions are working for him in any way, but because I wish to understand that HE thinks that they are working…otherwise he wouldn’t be doing them.
We don’t have to stay with those people, Rhea, we don’t even have to fall out of love with those people, but when we move to understanding, we stop doing one very important thing:
We stop hurting ourselves.
And when we do that, we stop hurting those around us, even if we were hurting them unconsciously. (Maybe that’s what people are reacting to at work?)
And when we stop the hurting, things seem to fall into place…because we believe that they will.
Ask yourself, Rhea, what might be needing to be looked at within yourself that is causing you to feel that you need someone in your life who has said he doesn’t want to remain in yours. Is it because you are being treated unfairly in your “trade” agreement, or is it because you are not defining love in a way that includes yourself.
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.cwghelpingoutreach.com She may be contacted at: Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
What happens if you simply do not feel love for a certain person (even if it’s a spouse or mother). The feeling of “love” is just not there. Do you act as if you do or convince yourself that you do love them even though you don’t feel it until you do feel it? You can care for a person and don’t want any harm to them, but just don’t “love” them. Perhaps I have the wrong perception of what love is or can be. I love my two children to death (figure of speech); therefore, I know what feeling love is. What are your thoughts as I’m struggling with this. Blessings, Lyne
Dear Lyne…My mother has always said we love in many different ways. I don’t love my sister the same way that I love my father. I don’t love a former sweetheart the same way I love my husband. I don’t even love my favorite cat Pippin the same way I love our kitten, Beanie! This is because each and every one of us is unique.
I also think it’s entirely possible to love someone at an intellectual level, but not like them, or at least, not like their actions or their way of being in the world. Remember, we are vibratory beings and just as in music, vibrations either resonate and or they’re dissonant. When two vibrations resonate, they flow harmoniously together, but when two vibrations are dissonant, it feels quite uncomfortable. It might help you to understand, though, that just because certain wave forms may not resonate with each other, it doesn’t make either one of them “bad”. Sometimes our vibes just don’t jibe!
I’m sorry if this isn’t the answer you want to hear about your spouse, but I learned the hard way (after a long seven-year relationship) that I couldn’t force myself to feel romantic love. I loved the guy “to death”, to use your words, thinking that I would eventually fall in love with him, but it never happened. Our bond was loyal and deep and full of love, just not that kind of love. The chemistry was just not there and I couldn’t will it to happen, no matter how much I wanted to. Perhaps other people are different, but I know I’ll never go down that road again. Thankfully, we parted in the kindest, most loving way possible, and after enough healing time, we ended up remaining the dear friends we were all along… thank God!
Now, in the case of your mother, who you are expected to spend some amount of time with throughout your life, it may indeed, behoove you to act as if you love her if you want to spare her feelings, but always “to thine own self be true.” You either feel love for her or you don’t, and it doesn’t make you a bad daughter if you don’t. Give yourself the breathing room you need in the relationship and forgive yourself for your feelings if you haven’t done so already. If you think you can be with her from time to time in a positive way, you might feel good about doing that, especially for her sake, but I would make the phone calls or visits brief enough that you stay happy throughout the encounters. It wouldn’t serve either of you if the visits are so long they begin to deteriorate.
I hope this helps, Lyne. If you need more personal assistance with this, please feel free to call on one of us CWG Life Coaches. The first session is always free. You can find out more about this opportunity here:
http://nealedonaldwalsch.com/index.php?p=Doc&c=lifecoaching
(Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
Respected sir/madam,
I have been in a very happy relationship for two years now, and both of us are very serious. We are sure that we want to spend the rest of our lives with each other. My boyfriend loves me very very much, but recently, I hurt him so deeply that he’s lost his trust in me.
We were in different cities when we fell in love.Let us say that I was in C and he was in G. Recently, I had a chance to visit G but unfortunately, he was visiting my town then. My chances of meeting him were anyway slim and I had a mental misconception that if I went to G, I’d feel much closer to him. We hadn’t been able to talk to each other to our heart’s contents for a while and we were feeling a little empty. We needed to feel closer to each other.
He didn’t tell me he wanted to take me there first (this was my first visit) but he made up a number of other reasons for me to not go. I justified all of them and in the end, he reluctantly agreed. He was angry with me but I wanted to go very very much so I thought that when all the bad things that he was afraid would happen wouldn’t happen he would forget about everything and everything would go back to being normal.
When I finally reached G, I realized that I had made the worst mistake of my life. I had heard so much about the place from him that when I so much as read the name of a road, I missed my boyfriend and cried and cried. I was travelling by bus and I called my boyfriend and cried to him and he was kind and sweet to me but he was hurting and missing me too.
I stayed in G for three days and missed him every second of that I was there. The only way I could distract myself was by talking to a group of boys who were really funny and warm. I generally don’t interact with boys much unless it is for work and he does the same with girls. We prefer it that way and we feel safe and comfortable in our routine. I knew he wouldn’t like my doing it, but I justified it because I didn’t have any proper girl friends with me and well….truthfully, what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.
I’ve never lied to him before this and I hate myself for doing it now. I took a picture with a boy and I am grinning widely in it. I swear up and down right now that I wasn’t happy there. Sure I danced a little and smiled a little but I kept wishing that I was there with him not with a group of people I didn’t even like all that much.
Anyway, now this picture? I fabricated the truth a little and told him that other people took it by crook and I hadn’t actually posed for it. Yes, I lied to him. But I swear I never have before this.
The next day, I played in the water on the beach and went out at night and he’d told me not to because in that part of the country, they were both very unsafe and stupid things to do. But I completely forgot his strict instructions and did both of those things. I am an idiot.
When I came back home to C, I sent him a copy of that picture and came clean. In my favour, I’d like to say that I was the only one with a copy of that picture and I still sent it to him because I couldn’t stand to lie to him.
He saw it and was very very very hurt. He said he couldn’t trust me anymore because even though he’d asked me not to, I went into the water and went out at night and that if something had happened to me, he’d have lost me forever. He was also very hurt that I took a picture I anyway shouldn’t have but the fact that it was in G, where he and I were supposed to go alone for the first time, made it much much worse.
I was so guilty that to prove to him that I love him very very much I cut myself for the first time in my life. I agree it was the stupidest thing I could have ever done, but…..oh, well. What’s done is done. He got mad about that too. Said I needed a psychiatrist.
He’s ready to give me another chance but he is hurt. And he says mean things when he is hurt and they hurt me and there is simply a whole lot of hurt going around. What do I do? Please help me? I want to make things okay again. He says he I hurt him so much that he is numb and that he is beginning to lose faith in love and that he has no interest in going to G with me or otherwise again because the place is ruined for him. What do I do? That was our honeymoon spot 🙁
Yours sincerely,
Susan
Dear Susan,
Wow!, I’m practically out of breath reading this…I can only imagine how draining it is to you actually living it.
Susan, the only betrayal in this whole long story is to yourself. It is said that betrayal of oneself, in order to not betray another, is still betrayal. In fact, it is the greatest betrayal of all.
Susan, what does love mean to you? If you yearn for another, and cannot live a day without that other without crying, does that mean you love that other? I don’t believe that to be true. To me, it means that you have handed your happiness to another, believing that happiness is something that is given to you by another. Susan, dearest Susan, we create our own happiness, and misery, given our thought about a thing.
It feels to me as though you are allowing your boyfriend to control your life. A truly loving partner would have informed you of the dangers in city G, and upon finding out what you did, merely expressed relief that you hadn’t been harmed. The dumping of guilt upon you is control, not love. (Well, it IS love, in the strictest sense, since all negative emotion is distorted love, but I hope you understand what I am saying in this context.)
You see, Susan, Love wants for you what you want for you. If you feel you would enjoy having a wide variety of friends in your life, now, and even (especially?) after you should marry, then your partner should want that for you. His inability to trust you now is his problem, not yours, because it shows that he wants for you, what HE wants for you, and not necessarily what you want for you.
Just as an aside…I would, personally, question why my partner had so many reasons for me to NOT come and visit in the first place.
As to your cutting. Obviously you know that that behavior doesn’t really work for you. It is a symptom of something larger, to be sure. I would agree with your partner that professional help would be of benefit. I lean towards body-centered psychotherapy, but there are many good professionals.
Which leads me back to my earlier question: What does Love mean to you, Susan? Not, “what do I have to do to get someone to love me?” There is a very good little book, by Neale Donald Walsch, called “Neale Donald Walsch on Relationships” that I believe could be invaluable in helping you gain insight. It is a very short, easy read. I got my copy for just a little money at an on-line used book store.
Sweetie, guilt, stress, worry, anger, hurting yourself…these are all indicators that something is not working. I have told my daughters what I am going to tell you now…Love should bring Joy. Yes, it takes dedication, and effort, but it shouldn’t be a constant struggle, especially in the early stages. If it is a struggle from the beginning, consider that it might not be any better going forward. Consider choosing again…and again, and again until you find a relationship that doesn’t require you betraying yourself to have.
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.cwghelpingoutreach.com She may be contacted at: Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
I’m trying to take my career to the next level by applying for work with some people who are quite famous. They say they love my work and will consider hiring me when they have an opening. I feel like I’ve reached out to them as much as I should at this point, so how do I stay on their radar without making a nuisance of myself? …Edwin
Dear Edwin… Don’t forget that celebrities are really just people too, in a different place along their path. They don’t have anything you don’t have. Their awareness that they have it is the only difference. Don’t be in awe of them. Just love them for Who They Really Are and allow their perceived successes to be an inspiration to you. Express your gratitude to them for showing you what you are also capable of and be a friend when given the opportunity to interact with them.
For now, just send loving vibes. Let the energy do the work of reaching out. We always think we have to do it on the physical plane, but we don’t. It is equally effective to reach out energetically as long as we do so from a happy, excited-about-the-prospects and possibilities place.
Conversations With God invites us to start from a place of beingness and to allow everything we do to come from that inspired place. It also says the two most powerful words in the Universe are “I am.” Say this affirmation to yourself: “I AM the man who has taken my career to the next level and who works comfortably with famous people.” Then surround them with love and light and envision your working together. See it as happening now. Pre-pave it at the energetic/thought level and love it into existence. This is how to consciously create everything. Simply love it into existence!
If some inspired action steps come to you from this place of being, then, by all means, act on them if it feels good and right to do so, but don’t try to force it into being. Never force it. That gives the opposite result because it is a resistant action and what we resist persists.
Now, please bear in mind that every relationship serves a particular purpose and this one could merely be a stepping stone to something even greater for you. After sending joy-filled love and light to these people, I invite you to allow Life to unfold in Its own wonderful way. Embrace everything that shows up and everything that doesn’t, knowing that all is happening for your highest good. Expect the best!
Love-Allow-Embrace-Expect-Experience-Enjoy!
(Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: ChangingChange.net offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
“I am in need of some advice, hope and guidance. I have read all of the books in the Conversations with God series which are truly remarkable. The trouble I have is I have hit the proverbial rock bottom in every part of my life, except my beautiful wife and daughter. I decided to leave my job after 19 years in a large company where I had worked my way up to the top because my boss was not the man I thought he was and had become greedy, money and power driven. This was at the expense of employees, clients and staff’s families. I decided that I had to make a change and moved out with the support of my wife and family. Shortly after I wrote a book geared towards helping others and gave public talks to empower people to live their true nature and find their own passion and purpose. The challenge is 6 months later it is not taking the way I expected and I am running out of money to pay the bills and support my family. I feel like I have failed my family and myself. I am feeling despondent and lost and I don’t know how not to be at this point. Please help as I truly wish to make a difference in the world with people, and the last thing I want to do is give up on my dream. ”
Edward, Vancouver
Hi Edward,
First of all, I’d like to applaud you for your integrity in making the choice to leave a toxic work environment, and choosing to listen to and act on your own truth in that situation. I’d also like to commend you for taking the opportunity to hone in on your purpose and boldly take it to the world – a very courageous act, and I get that you are very good at what you do.
I also get that it’s scary to take such a risk, especially when you’re not seeing the results you’d like as quickly and you’ve got a family depending on you. And it’s hard when you feel lost, confused, and unsure of what to do next. With that said, I have some thoughts for you, some directions to point you in.
When we find ourselves in a place of deep worry, fear, anxiety, doubt, etc., it is impossible to find/create a viable solution from that place – in other words, you can’t solve a problem from inside the problem. In order to access the answers that are inside you, or from God, for that matter, you need to raise your vibration a bit, get connected and in alignment again, which means stepping away from the worry. Worry is like praying for what you don’t want, and although it’s certainly understandable why we as humans do it, it is completely unnecessary in that it serves no purpose. So, what I would suggest regarding this and before you make any major decisions, is to take some steps to get quiet, reconnected to that place inside of yourself that knows. That place inside of you that wrote your wonderful book. What that looks like depends on you, but a few suggestions are meditation, practicing daily gratitudes, and journaling. Another hugely impactful practice that in my opinion is vastly under-utilized is making room for play, fun and enjoyment every day. Often times those of us who venture out on our own, whose priority is to serve others, forget to implement this part on a consistent basis and experience burnout, which leads to worry, fear and anxiety taking the lead. And that isn’t good for anyone.
However you decide to do it, connecting within is something that is vital to do regularly, as in every day. Because the fact that you show up for yourself in this way each and every day provides the space for you to go within and connect to the truth of your being, and has the added benefit of making you less “shakeable” to external circumstances and allowing you to stay clear on your path more often than not.
The other thing I want to point you to is in regards to the story you are telling about yourself and your life. I sense that you still have some strong feelings about what happened with your former boss, that there may be some unfinished business there that could be holding you back. What can you do to release that story, the story of your horrible boss doing unspeakable things within his company, to you and to your fellow employees? The story of you as the victim and he as the villain? That’s not to say that it isn’t all true, or to discount the pain and struggle you experienced within this context. It’s to point to the fact that it may be time to tell a new story, a new truth, one where there are no victims or villains, and where you are truly in control of your experience. As you probably already know but may have temporarily forgotten amidst the intense circumstances of the past months and maybe even years, our thoughts and words are creative, and as long as we keep having the same thoughts and using the same words about the experience we are not happy with, they’ll keep coming. Here’s a wonderful exercise I learned from another CWG Coach to help you do this:
~ Write a letter to your boss, one you will never send, expressing everything you feel without censoring it or holding back, because it will never be sent. Write a second draft, where you can do some “editing”, choosing the language and sentiments that accurately convey how you’d like to feel about the whole thing. This second letter is the opportunity to heal the issues and move on.
And finally, don’t give up on your dream, your purpose. We need people like you in this world. And although 6 months may seem like a long time when you’ve got so much pressure to succeed, it is too short of a period of time to give up. Your priority as a light-worker, as someone who is clearly here to serve and assist others on their life journeys, is to maintain your inner being, your alignment, your connection to All That Is. It is in the focusing on your “being” first and allowing the “doing” to follow that the key lies. The rest will come, and in the meantime there are many ways to access/create income now; get into alignment first and I’m willing to bet some ideas will pop up for you.
I’ll leave you with this: remember that before every break-through, occurs a break-down. That is, a breaking down of old systems, beliefs, and patterns that no longer serve us, so that they may be re-built to support the next highest version of the grandest vision you ever held about Who You Really Are. The light is coming, Edward.
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
