My Birthday Gift to My Sweetie!

 

Today, Tuesday, March 25th, is my husband’s birthday.  When I asked him a few days ago what he wanted for his birthday, he answered, “World peace.”  So, being the loving wife that I am, I am going to see what I can do to fulfill his request.

I have been thinking lately about how the premise of this site is that the root cause of the problems of the world is our separation theology, and thinking about how that manifests, not in the obvious things, like war, violent crime, etc., but in things that touch our lives every day.  And that word, “touch” seems to me to be a key.

We have made touch, the most basic and fundamental human connection possible, suspect, and all but impossible too often.  In Korea it is getting a little less strict I am told, but when I lived there in the mid 1990’s, a woman didn’t even hold hands with a man until he was her fiance.  In order to receive the human touch craved, men held hands with men, and women with women…I witnessed soldiers lined up in pairs as security for a Michael Jackson concert holding hands.

I had a Japanese foreign exchange student shyly tell us that she had a very traditional father who never touched her, and after having my husband include her in the cuddles with our daughters, she realized how much she not only missed her father’s touch, but needed it.

My own father, (and many fathers of daughters of his generation onward), upon the noticing that my body was transforming from girl to woman, stopped touching and hugging me, lest he be labeled as a perverted father.

My mother observed that hers was a “proper” British family where displays of affection, public or otherwise, were simply not expected.

I think that it is little wonder that the sex trade is burgeoning with touch being so regulated, and women and men now constantly on the lookout for inappropriate touch…so much so that we now do not touch one another with any affection for fear of being charged with harassment.

Do not for one moment get me wrong, though, women, and men have been subjected to genuine harassment and this was truly an issue that was rightfully dealt with.  I have very intimate knowledge of “inappropriate” touch. But there has been equally genuine, in my view, collateral damage caused by the “fix”.  Touch became off limits entirely, in any workplace or casual setting.  One often deems it too dangerous to figure out where the line between okay and not okay is, and we perpetuate our physical isolation out of fear of litigation.

Because of this lack of, but, none the less requirement for, touch, massage, an acceptable way of being touched, has burgeoned as well, thank goodness, but it is not enough.  It is still only the touch of a stranger.

I’m moving closer to my gift to my husband, I promise you!

I am a hugger.  Oh, how I like to hug!  I didn’t know I liked to hug until, at age 19, when I was in a church folk group, the group visited a Charismatic church of another denomination, and everyone hugged!  I returned home and began hugging everyone!  This was not in the comfort zone, to be sure, and 40 years later there is still one brother whom I hug, but much more formally, because it remains uncomfortable for him.  BUT…one day, a while after I began hugging, my mother thanked me for bringing hugging back into the family.  She had missed it.

A friend recently posted something on Facebook that indicated hugs longer than 20 seconds do wonderful things to our bodies, akin to falling in love!  I understand that completely, and I think most of us innately do.  I have had this demonstrated to me on more than one occasion.  I was once, for instance, at a gathering with old friends in Taiwan, and, with the wait staff formally lined up outside in the hall, I hugged every old friend as I said goodbye to them.  When the last of my friends was properly hugged, I looked over at the wait staff, and one of them put out her hands in a gesture that said, “Me, too?”  No English involved, only the power of touch…and each and every staff person stepped into my arms for their hug of appreciation, and connection!

Two days ago was also my 41st wedding anniversary, and talking about touch reminds me of when, after I had been married just over a year, my husband asked me if I still loved him.  I was stunned!  I asked him what would make him ask such a thing, and his response was, “You hardly ever touch me any more.”  That was the moment that I recognized that the way I was raised, with touch being minimal, was being passed on through me.  I consciously changed that.  In fact, just last week an old friend of mine commented that she liked being around us because we still laugh…and we still touch one another affectionately!

In another exampling instance, I gave my husband a hug in the grocery store a couple of weeks ago.  I was simply happy to be with him after being on an extended trip away from him.  A few minutes later a man tapped me on the shoulder and told me how wonderful it was that I did that, and in public, and actually thanked me!

So, here I am, after remembering all of these things, and thinking about what this site is all about, and what my husband’s birthday wish is…and I am going to ask all who read to look at their own lives and see where simple human touch is lacking.  I am going to ask all to be open to falling in love with another person for twenty seconds and give a meaningful hug…to your child, to your parents, to your spouse, or even to a stranger that you can just sense needs a hug.

I am going to ask you to be open enough, to be vulnerable enough to ask someone for a hug when you need it.  It could literally be the beginning of reaching out, knowing you are not alone, that saves your life.

I am going to ask you to stop some of the separateness in our world, by stopping, literally, some of the physical separation in your world.  I have observed that when we feel physically connected, we feel an impulse to connect in even more profound ways.

I am asking you to transform the world through the power of touch…that I may give my husband World Peace for his birthday.

Happy Birthday, sweetie…I love you hugely!

(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of, and Spiritual Helper at, the global website at www.cwghelpingoutreach.com  She may be contacted at: Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)

Please Note: The mission of The Global Conversation website is to generate an ongoing sharing of thoughts, ideas, and opinions at this internet location in an interchange that we hope will produce an ongoing and expanding conversation ultimately generating wider benefit for our world. For this reason, links that draw people away from this site will be removed from our Comments Section, a process which may delay publication of your post. If you wish to include in your Comment the point of view of someone other than yourself, please feel free to report those views in full (and even reprint them) here.
Click here to acknowledge and remove this note:
  • http://markoworld.com/ Marko

    You can start a “Hugs for peace program” & put both together. How many leaders will go to war that hug each other? Good job Therese.

    Hugs,
    -Marko

    • Therese

      That hug each other for 20 seconds or more!

      • Michael L

        Can we say Amma and lets multiply that!!!!
        Great idea.

  • Kristen

    Reading this took me by surprise Therese – something I had never, ever thought about. Amongst family the males including in-laws, out-laws and strays are all huggy and I with them, as a standard greeting and farewell as with male friends, but thinking about it I only ever hug my old nana and females I would rarely see when I am genuinelly please to see them. I really do not like females in my personal space/aura and my honesty is being portrayed through auto body language – perhaps a lot of non huggy people are like this, there could be a myriad of reasons behind the differences, perhaps I’m just a daddys girl at heart. This ones going to get the wheels churning to get my headspace completely sorted and clarified as no stone goes unturned. Thanks for bringing it up and great idea!

    I saw on TV recently, a ED Doctor stating the thing that surprises him most in ED is nothing to do with medicine but how much people care and how they behave when someone is injured or ill. I think his words were “Love is an instinct – it’s just what we do!”. Perhaps the love in the world may need to come before the hugs.

    • Therese

      I understand what you are saying, Kirsten, but I think I would like to consider your last sentence in a different way.

      Kristen, I believe that love isn’t something that needs to come. I think it is who we are. Since love is who we are, it is something that we must decide to demonstrate. This is to know, experientially, not just esoterically, who we are. Love, of course, can be demonstrated in many ways (and I am not talking about how even things like murder are demonstrations of distorted love), and I think the simple hug is one of those ways…and simple as it is, human touch that has no expectation other than connection, is very, very powerful.

      T.

      • Kristen

        I agree and understand, yet also have differing views. Universally we are the most emotive species and capable of many more emotions and ways of expressing them, that we are the envy of many other species and realms. BUT as a Kabbalist with an amazing teacher, and another who has adopted me as a guardian as I’ve been on a dangerous spiritual journey, I do not know if we are capable of the true depth of love that other are. I am talking of the highest True Angels and Christs. When they are around or want to let you know they care, they literally ‘nuke’ pure intense love energy through your hands travelling up to your chest which is beyond any form of love emotion I have ever felt, so I can feel the depth of their love for me. This cannot be done directly to the heart or chest, nor through the crown chakra as it will stop peoples hearts literally. And they are not huggy people in general, in fact most teachings here teach of them being distant. Other than this intense love, they have taught me that their term for love would be our term for caring.

        This has taught me that people may love intensely even though it may not be obvious to others, expressed in normal emotions nor body language. Yes, love is expressed via hugs in many ways, I acknowledge I love male friends and family members much more than any females (who as mean as this sounds – are all dispensible – I have high functioning Autism so it’s black and white, and brutally honest) BUT I think love is expressed more in every action or thought of good intent. If your natural, automatic or instinctive actions are those that indicate caring, then you love. The two go hand in hand – care & love. If they were honest enough, many parents will acknowledge they do not love their children as much as society expects them to or other may, and this is expressed though their actions in not showing they care.

        We miss noticing so much love in this world, based on showing you care being the greatest expression of love, as every person feeding birds or stray animals, giving money to a homeless person or those less fortunate, every parent waiting up for kids/housemates to get home safely, every mum rushing to get kids places on time, every gift carefully chosen and given because people WANT to, every house chore done for others capable of doing it themselves, every intervention, every courtesy used to make others feel good, every hour or cent given to charity, every letter written, friendly email sent, invitation to visit or go out, every kiss, every reply to questions and thousands and thousands of things we do constantly daily is an expression of love via caring. And every hug.

        This is why I think love may need to come before the hugs, as there are so many out there who do not understand love or caring, or how simply and frequently they are expressed. The misconception that gets me is the underestimation of the importance of loving as well as being loved. Giving love, even to pets, is as beneficial to people as much as receiving blatant love, yet they cannot see it. Not how many people are caring about them in the simple actions of love such as giving to the charities that are helping those people.

        • Therese

          Thanks for the insight into Kabbala. I have very little knowledge of that practice.

          Kristen, I completely understand that some people choose the degree of physical contact they are comfortable with. May it always be so. But most of us have that level of contact chosen for us by virtue of what any number of things in our social environment tell us.

          Of course, of course, of course! how we move through life shows our love! but even that, for me, isn’t rich enough…I am a physical being. Science has shown that stroking, hugging, kissing a child increases their IQ and their psychological AND their physical well being. I agree that the demonstration of love, both through how we move through life and physical (and, of course, word), are all wonderful, and we should have more of it exampled in this world. But the love is always there. It is always there waiting to be demonstrated in some way.

          BTW, no matter if anything you say “differs from CWG teachings”, Kristen. Three are several things that CWG says that made it very appealing to me, among them being that, paraphrasing: ours is not a better way, merely another way. There is no one path to God. All paths lead to God. I could be wrong about all of this. There is no right or wrong, merely what works or doesn’t work, given what you say you wish to achieve. And, probably my personal favorite, if what you read in CWG doesn’t resonate with you, find the way that does.

          Thank you for your responses! Air kisses beside both cheeks coming to you!

          Therese

          • Kristen

            Thanks, yes I agree with you, except that there are many different Gods, and Neales God is a different God to the biblical God/Jehovah/Allah etc, but I won’t go there with you. One of the CwG books discloses this, Neale can explain that one, not me.

            Yes, it is amazing the differences affection makes to kids, and it always pleasantly surprises me how affectionate teens are now with their friends compared to my teen years in the 80’s. My 19yr old son constantly has groups of rowdy mates over, and many of the boys are so enthusiastic with their greeting hugs I sometimes think they are going to break my rib cage, which is already needing surgery. Both the guys and girls sit so close together you would almost think they are siamese twins half the time, often sharing a chair. Maybe we were all just homophobic in the 80’s as gay awareness was all so new then, people may have been teased. Unsure. I think it’s probably more a case of more expressive loving parenting as you have found, and people are just more natural without restraints as a part of natural positive evolution.

            I differ to you in being a physical being first and foremost, my mind is a huge percentage of me – my thoughts, processing, studying, personality, emotions are dominant. But obviously I do have a physical body, and like everyone, it works exactly how I have programmed it to work and looks exactly like I would look if someone was designing one for me. I love how our bodies start as a raw canvas, but end up showing world everything about us on the inside, visually and externally, for those who learn to read people (fun and cheating!.)

            xx – Kabbalic for a kiss on the forehead which is a blessing to adults, expression of love to kids and pets. Automated like all Kabbalic sign and body language into our human program.

          • Therese

            xx- I like forehead kisses, too!

          • Kristen

            Every problem has a solution waiting to be uncovered.

            I’ve solved the problem of past generations not being very affectionate, as well as those in suppressed countries.

            My HUGE 1946 dictionary (two hardcovers each 3″ thick), defines the word embrace as we use it for hug BUT embracement is to influence or attempt to influence in corruption, an embracer is one who engages in embracery and embracery is the crime of trying to influence, corrupt or bribe a judge or jury.

            They thought hugging was a crime – sux if your hot husband was a judge I guess!!! LOL solution to the problem, but it will do! and maybe the asian countries who are known to be corrupt are still using this dictionary in English so declared hugging a crime. World leaders hugging eachother could be seen as an attempt of corruption in these countries, perhaps money may need to change hands in exchange for hugs!

            Don’t take any of this in seriousness, you embracer!

            I use old dictionarys as I often need to prove to people that the word flour is one syllable, not two, and definately not pronounced the same as flower. My pet peeve!!!

            xx

          • Therese

            Yup, and another example of how things are always changing, and how words are the least effective means of communication…but they’re what we have for now.

            When I was in college one of the assignments was to analyze/interpret a poem by some famous/older poet. I literally looked up each and every word, including the ones we take for granted, like “I, we, at, the, etc.” and it was amazing how differently one could interpret the poem aside from the usual and obvious ways. And that was with a current dictionary!

            xx
            T.

          • Kristen

            Memories of torture!. I did that with the entire books of Genesis and Revelation for Theology papers. Using a modern bible, 1939 King James with Rabbi translation verifications, a 1914 London Religious Tract Society Bible Dictionary (great for cheating and info on one person at a time) and three different dream interpretation books to translate the symbolism. From your exercise you will know the time it takes – probably only about a year at 20 hours a week for that assignment! I always start hard, dumb things when I can choose my own assignments! I also use that method with prophecies, especially Nostradamus and Da Vinci. I learned it from the Bible Codes books where they decoded the words “it is buried in Lison (old word for language)” on the same page as “dictionary” and “language” so my logic was to translate everything longhand – and boy things read completely differently. This is the language of old Kabbalah, especially used in kids fairytales like the Little Mermaid – what you read on the surface is completely different to what is actually written underneath for those who seek. The code of seek and ye will find, a part of the road less travelled. Y’shua/Jesus was speaking this language all the time as most sayings do.

            Re words changing and older people – i am astounded how many old people use the word b.u.g.g.h.e.r. without the h, to get through the auto censors. This word has always meant sodomy or beastiality yet it appears to be the only swear word old people use. My 92 year old nana often says it. They must have absolutely no idea of the meaning, and would be mortified.

            A great social experiment would be silence for a week. A mute world, where honesty is forced as actions will always speak louder than words, and people will be forced to observe and learn more using more traditional sensory methods than just the words of others.

            xx

    • Wilma Ice

      Giving all of my kids a big long hug with foot rubs, finger massages, hair combing, the works……just love this.

      • Kristen

        LOL – when I read this it was 32deg c (90f??) at 5.30pm and we are nearly halfway through autumn, still enjoying an extended dry summer but very humid. My kids would kill me, I don’t think it’s huggy and touchy weather!