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I’m going through some big changes in my life on many fronts, from my career changing, moving into a new home, going through a recent break-up, to a loved one being sick. Some days I feel okay about it all, like I can handle it and that it’s leading me to someplace really, really good even if it doesn’t always feel that way. Other days I feel like I’m drowning and am full of anxiety, I sometimes even feel depressed and helpless. How can I ride out this time of great transition without going crazy??
Marion, Ohio
Hi Marion,
Oh do I feel for you. While I believe that all change is for the better, even the tough kind and even if the evidence of that takes awhile to show itself, I can appreciate the difficulty of the state you’re in while going through it. I happen to be in a time of great flux as well, and have my “I’m going crazy” moments. While I won’t get into and make it about me, I will tell you that you’re not alone, and offer you some guidance in the form of how I am navigating it all.
First and foremost, don’t do it alone. Surround yourself with every person who has ever said “Anything I can do?” or “Let me know if you need anything at all, I’m here for you.” Take them up on it. And if you’re short on those kinds of people in your life, hire someone: a coach, a therapist, etc. Or you can reach out to someone on the CWG Helping Outreach team (www.cwghelpingoutreach.com), a team of volunteer Spiritual Helpers who can listen and help you make sense of things. Also, if you haven’t yet read Neale’s book “When Everything Changes, Change Everything” please grab a copy and dive in. I will also say that if you think you are clinically depressed, please just stop reading here and go get that help; the following guidance doesn’t really apply in that case.
Now, for the hands on, do it right now advice. I follow one major rule of thumb when navigating change, and although it is incredibly simple (in theory, not necessarily in application), it is hands down the most effective tool I have come across for navigating such times, as well as life in general. When you are feeling down, tired, overwhelmed, hopeless, upset, depressed, etc., do not, I repeat DO NOT think of anything important or make important decisions from that place. Wait until you feel better, even a little bit better, and believe me, you will. You’ve already identified that you have days/moments where you feel okay or good about things and trust that everything is unfolding the way it needs to. Those are the times to give those big topics of change your attention, from that better-feeling place that is also known as a “higher vibrating” place.
You see, it is when we are feeling good and vibrating high that we have access to the answers, ideas, resources, inspiration and clarity that we need to help us live more in the flow of life versus trying to swim against the current. It’s when we are feeling like crap and try to act from that place that we are swimming against the current because, put simply, we don’t have access to all of those things I just listed. We are clouded, confused, can’t seem to see more than an inch or two in front of our faces, and everything looks worse than it really is. Sound familiar?
So that’s it in a nutshell. Avoid the heck out of your reality when you’re feeling down, discipline yourself to simply not give it your attention with the awareness that if you do, you are not accessing truth. Distract yourself in the meantime with things that help you to feel a tiny bit better until you feel good enough to give it your attention again, even if that looks like taking a nap, crying it out, going for a walk, or watching a movie while eating ice cream (one of my favorites, by the way, though I wouldn’t recommend making this one your go-to move unless you have an extremely high metabolism).
You can accept that this period of transition will be challenging, you will have ups and you will have downs. During the downs, give yourself a break. During the ups, milk it for all it’s worth. You will find yourself on the other side of this, better for it, a higher version of Who You Really Are, and I can sense that you already know that, Marion. Go ahead and trust that.
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
I’m struggling with a recent choice I’ve made, and desperately trying to find my spiritual center here, as it is pretty clear I can’t go back on this decision. I entered into a business agreement/partnership that I was at first really excited and happy about and am now feeling full of fear, doubt, and maybe even some regret. I feel stuck in this decision, and I’m confused by how confident I felt when I made it and how I’m so not right now. Not sure what I’m asking here, I guess I just want to know how to deal with something that I’ve created and am feeling lost about.
Michelle, Tampa
Hi Michelle,
In my book, there are few feelings as bad as the one you get when you think you’ve made a mistake – it’s torture! I feel for you, I do, but I also have some very good news: there is no right or wrong choice here. There is the choice you make, the meaning you give it, and where you choose to place your focus from there. These 3 ingredients heavily impact your experience of the choice you’ve made, and more good news, you are completely in control of that.
It sounds to me like what you are asking for here is how to feel good about your choice, or at least your current experience. It doesn’t hurt to mention that if backing out is something you truly want and believe is the best for you, it is always possible; when there’s a will there’s a way and all that good stuff, but I personally look at it as more of a giving “the how” of it over to the Universe or God to figure out. But to be honest with you, Michelle, that’s not really the vibe I’m getting here. I could be wrong, but let’s go with it anyway.
It is completely normal to feel scared out of our minds and filled with fear, doubt, anxiety, worry, etc. after making a life-altering decision, and I’m guessing that’s a large part of why you can’t connect to that original enthusiasm and excitement you felt when making this business decision. Conversations with God says that there is no right or wrong, no should or shouldn’t, there isn’t even an absolute truth. Life has no meaning, in fact, save the meaning we give it. So how do we go about making decisions from that understanding? CWG also says that your own truth about something will be your highest thought, your highest feeling about something, which I like to translate into if it feels good, it’s right. Remember, Michelle, it felt really good when you made this decision. The fact that it doesn’t so much now doesn’t necessarily point to it being the wrong decision after all; like I said, it’s more than likely a very normal reaction to a big change in your life.
So if you can accept all of that to be true (and it’s totally okay if you don’t, at the very least use it as a context to decide even more clearly what is true for you), then it all comes down to those last two ingredients I spoke of : choosing the meaning (and I recommend choosing something that feels good) and then consciously and diligently placing your focus on the parts that you like, and avoiding the rest like the plague. Put another way, if the meaning you decide this experience is that it is indeed the right choice for you, and it’s completely natural for you to freak out a bit and that’s okay, spend your time and energy focusing on and turning up the volume on the things about this business agreement that excite you, that are attractive to you, that light you up. Turn it up so loud that you can’t even hear the rest (fear, doubt, uncertainty, etc.), in fact, turn the volume down on that stuff!
It is entirely in your power to enjoy and feel good about this decision, Michelle, any decision really. Look at this as some really good and really BIG practice.
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
Dear Nova,
My biggest fear is to hurt another, and it is also my biggest block. I am an artist and I often use nudity in my drawings, but have a hard time displaying them because I am afraid some people might be shocked or offended. I do display them but struggle with the fear of making people uncomfortable. In fact, I often hold back in a lot of ways for fear of how it will impact others, and it leaves me feeling stuck and unfulfilled.
If you feel you can help me out of there, I would welcome a contact.
Warmly,
Angeline, Ontario
Hi Angeline,
I can relate very much to what you’re saying. I’ve had the opportunity to do a lot of work in that area on myself, as it was very common for me to hold back in expressing myself authentically for fear of offending anyone (not so long ago, either!). In other words, I took care of the emotions of others first and made them more important than my own.
What I realized along the way, and what I now remind myself of nearly every day, is that not only am I betraying myself when doing this, I am denying others the opportunity to decide and experience who THEY are in the context our interaction is providing them. While I think I am protecting and even helping them by making all sorts of assumptions to make sure they are not offended or uncomfortable, I’m actually robbing them of perhaps a very valuable experience. And nobody wins that way.
So I have come to the conclusion that my only job is to be as authentically me as possible, to express myself from a place of alignment (and when I’m not in alignment perhaps go within until I can get back there and/or be more gentle and “forgiving” of myself) and ALLOW others the opportunity to do the same. Not always easy, mind you, but it’s always in the highest interest of all involved, and really, anything else is just way too much work, isn’t it?
A great quote to remember about this, and I’m not sure who said it first, “What other people think of me is none of my business.” And of course, CWG says, “Betrayal of yourself in order not to betray another is betrayal nonetheless. It is the highest betrayal.”
Be you, Angeline. Give the world that gift, and do your best to not take the reaction/response of others’ personally, as you don’t know what their soul is trying to accomplish in this lifetime. And by giving yourself permission to be Who You Really Are, well, there is such immense joy (not to mention relief!) in that. Give it a go.
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach (www.cwghelpingoutreach.com) offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
“I am in need of some advice, hope and guidance. I have read all of the books in the Conversations with God series which are truly remarkable. The trouble I have is I have hit the proverbial rock bottom in every part of my life, except my beautiful wife and daughter. I decided to leave my job after 19 years in a large company where I had worked my way up to the top because my boss was not the man I thought he was and had become greedy, money and power driven. This was at the expense of employees, clients and staff’s families. I decided that I had to make a change and moved out with the support of my wife and family. Shortly after I wrote a book geared towards helping others and gave public talks to empower people to live their true nature and find their own passion and purpose. The challenge is 6 months later it is not taking the way I expected and I am running out of money to pay the bills and support my family. I feel like I have failed my family and myself. I am feeling despondent and lost and I don’t know how not to be at this point. Please help as I truly wish to make a difference in the world with people, and the last thing I want to do is give up on my dream. ”
Edward, Vancouver
Hi Edward,
First of all, I’d like to applaud you for your integrity in making the choice to leave a toxic work environment, and choosing to listen to and act on your own truth in that situation. I’d also like to commend you for taking the opportunity to hone in on your purpose and boldly take it to the world – a very courageous act, and I get that you are very good at what you do.
I also get that it’s scary to take such a risk, especially when you’re not seeing the results you’d like as quickly and you’ve got a family depending on you. And it’s hard when you feel lost, confused, and unsure of what to do next. With that said, I have some thoughts for you, some directions to point you in.
When we find ourselves in a place of deep worry, fear, anxiety, doubt, etc., it is impossible to find/create a viable solution from that place – in other words, you can’t solve a problem from inside the problem. In order to access the answers that are inside you, or from God, for that matter, you need to raise your vibration a bit, get connected and in alignment again, which means stepping away from the worry. Worry is like praying for what you don’t want, and although it’s certainly understandable why we as humans do it, it is completely unnecessary in that it serves no purpose. So, what I would suggest regarding this and before you make any major decisions, is to take some steps to get quiet, reconnected to that place inside of yourself that knows. That place inside of you that wrote your wonderful book. What that looks like depends on you, but a few suggestions are meditation, practicing daily gratitudes, and journaling. Another hugely impactful practice that in my opinion is vastly under-utilized is making room for play, fun and enjoyment every day. Often times those of us who venture out on our own, whose priority is to serve others, forget to implement this part on a consistent basis and experience burnout, which leads to worry, fear and anxiety taking the lead. And that isn’t good for anyone.
However you decide to do it, connecting within is something that is vital to do regularly, as in every day. Because the fact that you show up for yourself in this way each and every day provides the space for you to go within and connect to the truth of your being, and has the added benefit of making you less “shakeable” to external circumstances and allowing you to stay clear on your path more often than not.
The other thing I want to point you to is in regards to the story you are telling about yourself and your life. I sense that you still have some strong feelings about what happened with your former boss, that there may be some unfinished business there that could be holding you back. What can you do to release that story, the story of your horrible boss doing unspeakable things within his company, to you and to your fellow employees? The story of you as the victim and he as the villain? That’s not to say that it isn’t all true, or to discount the pain and struggle you experienced within this context. It’s to point to the fact that it may be time to tell a new story, a new truth, one where there are no victims or villains, and where you are truly in control of your experience. As you probably already know but may have temporarily forgotten amidst the intense circumstances of the past months and maybe even years, our thoughts and words are creative, and as long as we keep having the same thoughts and using the same words about the experience we are not happy with, they’ll keep coming. Here’s a wonderful exercise I learned from another CWG Coach to help you do this:
~ Write a letter to your boss, one you will never send, expressing everything you feel without censoring it or holding back, because it will never be sent. Write a second draft, where you can do some “editing”, choosing the language and sentiments that accurately convey how you’d like to feel about the whole thing. This second letter is the opportunity to heal the issues and move on.
And finally, don’t give up on your dream, your purpose. We need people like you in this world. And although 6 months may seem like a long time when you’ve got so much pressure to succeed, it is too short of a period of time to give up. Your priority as a light-worker, as someone who is clearly here to serve and assist others on their life journeys, is to maintain your inner being, your alignment, your connection to All That Is. It is in the focusing on your “being” first and allowing the “doing” to follow that the key lies. The rest will come, and in the meantime there are many ways to access/create income now; get into alignment first and I’m willing to bet some ideas will pop up for you.
I’ll leave you with this: remember that before every break-through, occurs a break-down. That is, a breaking down of old systems, beliefs, and patterns that no longer serve us, so that they may be re-built to support the next highest version of the grandest vision you ever held about Who You Really Are. The light is coming, Edward.
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
Last year there were many changes in my life. My husband and I went into bankruptcy. My marriage ended against my will, I left my husband after 20 years together still loving him. I returned to my parents’ house in another continent, where living conditions have nothing to do with Europe. One of my daughters went to heaven. All I’m assimilating the best I can, knowing that everything was produced by me. But I want to know what my daughter in heaven thinks or feels about me. Was it necessary to live all that pain? How I can make my life from now on one not through pain? Please explain what I did wrong and how to correct. My two children that I still have with me need and deserve a good mother, to accompany this process in the best possible way.
~ Maria
Maria,
Thank you for reaching out. I am very sorry to hear of all the pain you have experienced in the past year or so, my heart goes out to you, especially in the loss of your daughter.
Hear me when I say you did nothing wrong. This is not your fault. There is nothing to “correct”.
Here is the misunderstanding about creating our experience that I see many people have: while it is true that we are the creators of our experience, we are not necessarily the creators of the events that show up in our lives. Rather, we are co-creators of the events that show up in our lives. Each and every person that experiences an event with us has played a part in creating the event itself. For example, if you experience the event of a car accident, it was not created by you alone. It was co-created by everyone who was impacted by it: the other car involved, the witnesses who saw it happen, your friends and family who are concerned and who you may have told about it, even the people who built the road that the accident happened on. Our role as conscious creators is how we choose to experience an event, how we choose to experience the car accident. Does this make sense?
So let me be very clear, it is not your fault that your daughter passed on, you did not cause that. And I can tell you with utter certainty that she doesn’t blame you, isn’t mad at you, and in fact, loves you so much that her soul agreed to depart at the time it did in order to give all the co-creators involved the opportunity to experience themselves as certain things within the context of “loss”. It is okay to feel the pain, to be sad, to miss your daughter. That is part of your experience. But you also get to decide how you want to experience life after loss; in other words, who do you want to be now? I hear that you want to be a good mother to your children who are still with you. So your job is to decide what that looks like and be it. It may also be beneficial to write your daughter who passed on a letter, for your own healing, telling her everything that is in your heart to tell.
In regards to your question of how to move forward without the pain and struggle, my answer is to let go of the story you are telling that life is painful, that you are creating pain. Begin to shift your focus on all that is wonderful in your life, and keep it there as much as possible. This is the most powerful thing you can do for yourself and for your family at this time. In fact, I recommend developing the practice of daily gratitudes. That is, begin writing down at least 10 things that you are truly grateful for, that you love or appreciate, every single day. And furthermore, consciously choose to make your last thoughts before you fall asleep at night, as well as the first thoughts you have when you wake up in the morning, thoughts of gratitude. This is where we become the creators of our own experience. If you choose to focus on the “negative”, or the “pain” or the “struggle”, then you will continue to create more of that experience. But if you choose to focus on and pay more attention to the beauty of life, what you do have versus what you don’t have, what you love versus what you resent or don’t like, then you will create more experiences of good things. It is really quite remarkable.
The other thing I recommend is to continue reaching out to others, do what you need to do to heal yourself from what happened, and know that you don’t have to do it alone. Meditation and journaling are also great ways to both heal and to live more consciously without pain and struggle, as well as being able to better deal with pain and struggle when it does show up. I think you a remarkable, wonderful, beautiful woman and mother, Maria. You have the power to experience your life any way you want to. Please let me know if I can assist you in any other way, and thank you for being willing to share your story and for trusting there is a better way of living for you and for your children.
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: ChangingChange.net offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
It seems like every time I find myself feeling really good and happy about my life, it is short-lived. One minute I’ll be happy and in no time at all something will happen to throw me into a tailspin and I don’t know which way is up! How can I stay happy for longer periods of time?
~ Melissa, Indiana
Dear Melissa,
First of all, I so know what you’re going through! Truth is, we all do. What you are experiencing is the Law of Opposites at work; that is, as soon as you make a declaration to the Universe (i.e. “I am happy.”), its exact opposite will show up in some way. Admittedly, this experience can be frustrating, especially if you aren’t aware of what’s really going on. But the existence of this law isn’t to punish or to deter us, it actually helps us create what we want in life.
Allow me to explain. The Law of Opposites is based on the principle: “In the absence of that which you are not, that which you are, is not.” In other words, you cannot know yourself as happy unless you know of the experience of sadness. If you were happy all the time, and were only surrounded by happiness, you would cease to even know what happiness really is. But when its opposite shows up, and you experience that contrast, your experience of happiness becomes greater. So you see, the Law of Opposites works in harmony with what you are trying to create more of. The key is to recognize what’s happening and choose happiness again.
So the next time you have this experience, in whatever context, try this:
~ The moment you notice the seemingly not-so-great stuff showing up in your world, take the time to stop and recognize what’s happening. Choose to see it as the Law of Opposites doing its part to bring you what you have called forth. If you dare to, choose to see the “bad” stuff as a sign that the process of creation is indeed working, and say “thank you.”
~ Make a new choice, or rather, choose your original thought again. For example, if your original declaration was “I am happy”, then choose it again, and focus on everything that is alignment with happiness. Make the conscious choice to not give any more energy to the negative stuff that is appearing in your reality.
~ Pat yourself on the back for being the creator of your own experience.
I’m not saying applying any of this is easy, unless it is, of course. But I am saying with a little conscious thought, intention and awareness, you can have an entirely different experience than the one you mentioned in your question. Good luck!
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: ChangingChange.net offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
I recently took a job close to home, and I chose it over a job offer in another state. Both jobs seemed like they’d be a good fit, and believe me I weighed the pros and cons of each; I literally almost just flipped a coin to decide. My problem is, now that I made my choice I am plagued by thoughts that maybe it was the wrong one, that I am missing out on a totally different life that I might enjoy even more. Is that insane? How do I know I made the right choice, and if that’s not possible to know, how do I make peace with the one I made??
Frank, Pennsylvania
Ah decisions, decisions. I don’t know about you, Frank, but to me the worst part about making the “wrong” decision is that I am the one who makes it, the responsibility falls on me. But then, nearly in the same instant sometimes, I remember that because the responsibility falls on me, there is no such thing as a “wrong” decision. In other words, you make a choice and then you make that choice the “right” choice. You are the one who gives meaning to it, you are the one who creates what your experience is.
You see, we can’t lose at this game of life, Frank, not really. That’s because we’re making it all up. Events show up in our lives and we are all at choice as to how we want to experience those events, where we want to place our focus and attention. It’s the same with a choice we have already made – the event has happened and now we get to decide how we want to experience it, how we wish to view that choice. And if I may, why on earth would we choose to view something as the “wrong” choice, full of regret, resentment, and feeling bad about ourselves, when we can just as easily say that this was a fantastic choice and feel great about ourselves?
As for the curiosity over what taking that other job would’ve meant for your life, well, make that up too. Give it meaning and proceed with your life from there. Our brains, our bodies even, respond to what we think. And furthermore, our minds don’t know the difference between memory, imagination, and “reality”; it will produce the same chemical reactions and physiological responses no matter what. So again I say, why not make up (a.k.a. giving meaning to) something that feels good?
And if by chance we decide that something was the “wrong” choice, remember this: opportunities in life are endless, literally endless. There are more combinations of the elements and stuff of life than our minds could ever comprehend, there will always be something else available for you. Strive to keep your attention on the good, on gratitude and possibility and love as much as you can and your awareness of those opportunities will increase.
So go ahead and take a deep breath, Frank. Stop telling yourself you made the wrong choice and start telling yourself you made the right one. Give meaning to taking this job closer to home, and come from a place of what you want to say about it, with you as the authority on the matter.
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: ChangingChange.net offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
I’m a believer in the power of positive thinking, I know I feel better and my life seems better when I look on the bright side of things, but what I don’t understand is what are you supposed to do when something really upsetting happens and you’re, well, upset? It doesn’t feel right to try to force myself to be positive and look at the bright side in that moment, and honestly sometimes I physically can’t! Yet what I continuously hear from others is “think positively”, “expect things to work out”, and that only irritates me further. Don’t get me wrong, I want to believe in this line of thinking, law of attraction and all of that, I just don’t think I fully understand it. Can you clarify?
Marion, Chicago
Hi Marion,
I can’t help but giggle a little upon reading your words, not because I’m laughing at you but because I so know what you’re talking about, and what it feels like when you encounter someone who is trying to talk you out of the way you are currently feeling. You’re right, it kind of just makes you want to slap them upside the head! (Figure of speech, of course, meant lightly.)
There is something that you may not currently understand about this whole positive thought thing, the understanding of which could change everything. I love that you noticed that “it doesn’t feel right to try to force myself to be positive”, because that feeling is informing you of something right there – that it’s not yet time to move on from what you’re feeling. Okay, without getting too wordy I will try to clarify. Our feelings and emotions are some of our greatest tools, and CWG says “feelings are the language of the soul.” That is, your soul communicates with you through your feelings, so to try to condemn what you are feeling, no matter what it is, and force it away is denying yourself communication from YOU, communication that could be very helpful to what you’re currently experiencing in life. Not to mention it’s impossible because “what you resist persists”, and if you attempt to push those feelings away, you can bet your bottom that they will just keep coming back. So it’s always in your best interest to acknowledge and validate what you’re feeling, and look to see what it’s pointing to. Are you sad? What does that tell you about what you want? Does something feel “off”? What needs to be adjusted to feel “on” again?
Regarding the law of attraction and positive thought movement, the piece that many miss is that it’s not wrong or bad to feel down, negative, upset, etc.; accept that that is going to happen in life. Even the greatest of masters and enlightened ones out there feel those “negative” emotions still, but the difference is they also recognize they are gifts, tools, and use them for the purpose in which they were intended. They allow themselves to feel what they are feeling, and decide what it means. But they don’t stay there. That’s perhaps the most important part: feel what you’re feeling, but don’t stay there, be willing to “move up” the emotional scale as soon as you’ve gotten what you need. If you wallow in your despair, sadness, anger, frustration, etc., the process of creation/law of attraction will bring you more of that. But if you give it meaning, and choose your next highest thought, word or deed, you will vibrate at a higher level and the process of creation/law of attraction will bring you more of that. A much better route if you ask me.
So, Marion, strive to give yourself permission to feel however you feel without judgment. Then, take a deeper look at those feelings, and ask yourself, or your soul, what they are showing you about you, your life, and what you want. It is very helpful to sit down and journal about this, even write out a dialogue with your soul. Some of the answers may even surprise you. Positive thinking, focusing on gratitude and the “good stuff”, is an incredibly wonderful practice to adopt, but you will find the most success with it if you factor in all of the above as well. Besides, we are all of it, the good and the bad, the positive and the negative…we are wonderfully and beautifully human.
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: ChangingChange.net offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
Recently I made the decision to switch careers and do what I really want to do, which is in speaking, consulting and writing, and I’m really happy about that. The problem is I’m not officially leaving my day job for another 3 months and I’m not sure I can make it that long! I have mentally checked out, all I want to do is work on stuff for my new business, but I know that I have to stay with my job for awhile longer for financial reasons and because I made a commitment to so I can train in the new employee. It’s also beginning to affect my personal life because I’m so busy trying to do both. It all makes sense on the outside but I’m miserable on the inside and the thought of feeling this way for the next 3 months is terrible. Do you have any advice on how I can manage during this limbo period?
David, Indiana
Hi David,
Being a firm believer in your external conditions not having to determine your happiness or internal conditions, yes, there are many ways to manage what you’re feeling and how you’re experiencing this limbo period. However, this could be less of an issue of “managing during this limbo period” as it is of challenging your beliefs around this transition, and what you think it needs to look like. Since I don’t know the whole story, I’m going to give you a bit of direction around both and you can choose the one that feels best, sound good?
First of all, I want to invite you to remember that you are at the cause of your own experience. Maybe not all the events in your life, but definitely the experiences. So bring some loving consciousness and awareness into the situation by setting your intention each and every day. How do you want the day to go? What state of being would you like to be in? Sometimes that’s all it takes, because it reminds you that you are at the cause and not the effect of how your day goes. But to give your intentions even more support, engage in some daily practices that will support positive thought, words and actions throughout your day, such as daily gratitude, or meditation. I cannot stress enough how important the word daily is here. You see, it is not enough to occasionally engage in such practices or occasionally choose to have a positive outlook, in fact this is what sometimes causes people to find themselves in the this-positive-thinking-stuff-just-isn’t-working-for-me-trap. If you’re looking to feel good and be happy most of the time, then make a daily effort to make that happen. We are all more than capable of this.
Now for the beliefs approach. What is your current belief around this transitional period? Based on what you said I’m going to guess that your belief is something like this: “I made a commitment to stay for 3 months and they are all depending on me to train my replacement in and I don’t want to let them down. Plus, my business isn’t quite ready yet and I need the money coming in right now.” Is that close? I think we stay in situations that suck the life out of us largely because we hold at least one of 3 beliefs about it: we are obligated to stay, fear of the unknown, or we are responsible for the feelings of others. So I want you to ask yourself some big questions here, such as a)are you staying for the 3 months for one of the above reasons and b)if so, could there be another belief that might serve you better here? Take a look at some assumptions you’ve made based on your belief about this. For example, is it really necessary for me to train in my replacement for 3 months? Would they be okay if I only did 1 month, or gave the widely accepted two-week notice instead? Really, would the company collapse in my absence? My guess is probably not. They’d be just fine, and they are also at the cause of their own experience here; in other words, nobody’s happiness is dependent on you other than your own. As for the financial reasons, is the belief you have about this based in fear or love? What would love do here?
So, David, you’ve got some thinking, contemplating, deciding, and re-creating to do. But I encourage you to not be overwhelmed by this, but instead be over-joyed by it. Our ability to re-create ourselves anew in each and every moment, to be at the cause of our own experience, is an incredible gift. Challenging, yes of course, but incredibly and deeply fulfilling, too.
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: ChangingChange.net offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
Lately it seems like I’m surrounded with sadness, tragedy, drama, and heavy, heavy emotions. Most of the time this is coming from people around me, as I am usually the one my friends and family go to when something is troubling them. Right now it’s more than usual, and with the tragedies happening in the world lately I’m not quite sure how to handle any of it, I feel so overwhelmed by how bad things really seem to be right now. How do I handle the heaviness of it all and help make a difference?!
Juan, Pennsylvania
Hi Juan,
I hear you, and I agree with you, there seems to be a lot more upheaval right now than usual, or at least many of us are more aware of it that usual. And with Monday’s explosions in Boston a lot of people are at a loss as to what to do. I encourage you to read Neale’s headline article of this newspaper, which you can access here. It offers great insight, hope and solutions as to what we as a whole can do, how we can help shift the way humanity has been living. In terms of dealing with the emotions of it all, read on.
When problems arise, or tragedy strikes, we are often left with shocked and outraged reactions, as well as with a lot of desperate questions (“who would do such thing”, “why doesn’t somebody do something about this”, “what else could go wrong?” etc.). This is our way of recognizing that we are not okay with what happened, we are not in alignment with this, and it’s a perfectly normal response. Those emotions and reactions can be really difficult to deal with, and if they’re not processed or dealt with properly, can turn into depression, despair, extreme fear and hopelessness, among other things. When not dealt with or processed, they also contribute to the problem, not the solution.
So the trick to dealing with these emotions, then, is to first acknowledge what you’re feeling and let whatever that is be okay – meet yourself where you’re at, talk to someone, journal about it. But don’t stay there. Instead, ask yourself, “Who am I in light of this? Who do I want to be here?” Then find ways to express and demonstrate that. This is when our normal initial “reactions” turn into conscious creation.
Furthermore, make it your business to focus on nothing but love, gratitude, kindness and compassion, and express that, too. Energetically speaking, this is the most powerful thing we can do in such situations, whether it’s in response to a worldwide tragedy or some trouble in your personal life. Focusing on the negative aspects simply magnifies them, draws more negativity, and as I said above, contributes to the problem. Shifting your attention to the good consistently raises your vibration, and the vibration of the world, contributing to the solution.
Let’s be clear about something, though, this is not what some refer to as a “spiritual bypass”, an increasingly popular term some people in New Age and New Thought arenas like to use to describe using positivity as avoiding and ignoring the problem, invalidating the emotions that come up. That’s not what this is at all. Remember, my very first suggested step here was to acknowledge how you feel and let it be okay. What we’re doing here is transforming those emotions, or energy (emotions = energy in motion), into something more useful. Instead of wallowing in despair, hopelessness, and frustration, we are choosing to raise our vibration and get into alignment with Who We Really Are, and it is from this place that we gain clarity and access to the actions we can take, from a place of love instead of fear.
I believe this is how we transform the fear, hate, violence and separation in the world (both on a large, worldwide scale and smaller, personal scale) into love, peace, compassion and unity. It starts with each of us, the individual, doing our part, taking responsibility for our role in this Universe. So I challenge you, Juan, and anyone else who may be reading this, to take the steps above. And when you reach that place of clarity, love and alignment, see what you’re inspired to do from there. Perhaps it’s joining a cause or organization that is taking specific steps towards a solution, perhaps it’s coming up with a brand new one no one has ever thought of. Or perhaps it’s a deep shift within you where kindness, love, and compassion towards all becomes your first language from now on.
Thanks for being willing to do your part, Juan.
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: ChangingChange.net offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
