Somebody Asked Me
I’m a believer in the power of positive thinking, I know I feel better and my life seems better when I look on the bright side of things, but what I don’t understand is what are you supposed to do when something really upsetting happens and you’re, well, upset? It doesn’t feel right to try to force myself to be positive and look at the bright side in that moment, and honestly sometimes I physically can’t! Yet what I continuously hear from others is “think positively”, “expect things to work out”, and that only irritates me further. Don’t get me wrong, I want to believe in this line of thinking, law of attraction and all of that, I just don’t think I fully understand it. Can you clarify?
Marion, Chicago
Hi Marion,
I can’t help but giggle a little upon reading your words, not because I’m laughing at you but because I so know what you’re talking about, and what it feels like when you encounter someone who is trying to talk you out of the way you are currently feeling. You’re right, it kind of just makes you want to slap them upside the head! (Figure of speech, of course, meant lightly.)
There is something that you may not currently understand about this whole positive thought thing, the understanding of which could change everything. I love that you noticed that “it doesn’t feel right to try to force myself to be positive”, because that feeling is informing you of something right there – that it’s not yet time to move on from what you’re feeling. Okay, without getting too wordy I will try to clarify. Our feelings and emotions are some of our greatest tools, and CWG says “feelings are the language of the soul.” That is, your soul communicates with you through your feelings, so to try to condemn what you are feeling, no matter what it is, and force it away is denying yourself communication from YOU, communication that could be very helpful to what you’re currently experiencing in life. Not to mention it’s impossible because “what you resist persists”, and if you attempt to push those feelings away, you can bet your bottom that they will just keep coming back. So it’s always in your best interest to acknowledge and validate what you’re feeling, and look to see what it’s pointing to. Are you sad? What does that tell you about what you want? Does something feel “off”? What needs to be adjusted to feel “on” again?
Regarding the law of attraction and positive thought movement, the piece that many miss is that it’s not wrong or bad to feel down, negative, upset, etc.; accept that that is going to happen in life. Even the greatest of masters and enlightened ones out there feel those “negative” emotions still, but the difference is they also recognize they are gifts, tools, and use them for the purpose in which they were intended. They allow themselves to feel what they are feeling, and decide what it means. But they don’t stay there. That’s perhaps the most important part: feel what you’re feeling, but don’t stay there, be willing to “move up” the emotional scale as soon as you’ve gotten what you need. If you wallow in your despair, sadness, anger, frustration, etc., the process of creation/law of attraction will bring you more of that. But if you give it meaning, and choose your next highest thought, word or deed, you will vibrate at a higher level and the process of creation/law of attraction will bring you more of that. A much better route if you ask me.
So, Marion, strive to give yourself permission to feel however you feel without judgment. Then, take a deeper look at those feelings, and ask yourself, or your soul, what they are showing you about you, your life, and what you want. It is very helpful to sit down and journal about this, even write out a dialogue with your soul. Some of the answers may even surprise you. Positive thinking, focusing on gratitude and the “good stuff”, is an incredibly wonderful practice to adopt, but you will find the most success with it if you factor in all of the above as well. Besides, we are all of it, the good and the bad, the positive and the negative…we are wonderfully and beautifully human.
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: ChangingChange.net offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
Dear Therese,
I had dreams and plans that had to be put on hold because of family circumstances. I made promises that I sincerely wish to keep, but I, none the less, find my mind wandering to those dreams and plans more and more. I don’t want to back out on my promises to others, but I would really like the opportunity to follow my dreams. What can I do?
Darla in Fargo, ND
Polonius:
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Hamlet Act 1, scene 3, 78-82
Dear Darla,
In CWG terms, betrayal of yourself, so as not to betray another, is the greatest betrayal of all.
Why? Because there is no other. When you betray yourself, your giving is tinged with the energy of betrayal in all you do. You serve no one as well as you think you are serving them. In some way the people to whom you made the promises know that you are giving from your lack and not your fullness…and that means they know that at least some piece of you is far away from them.
It has been my experience that when I finally let go of the notion that I am the only one that can do something, or that I only have one way of fulfilling my promises, those promises have a way of still being kept! One way of importance is that I enable others to step in and take the burden off, enabling them to demonstrate their greatness.
When we think that we are the only ones who can do something, or that there is only one way of having dreams fulfilled, we get frustrated. We move into expectation instead of preference, which is so very limiting…and why do we keep limiting a limitless Universe?
Perhaps you could give a thought to fulfilling your dreams where you are? Have you looked at the possibility of combining old and new dreams? Maybe you can include the people to whom you made promises in your dreams? Maybe they are ready for an adventure? Consider, also, that you are where you are for a reason, if only for now. What are you being called to look at?
Of equal importance in this process is this: Once you have decided it is time to be true to yourself, you must also tell the truth to yourself. Admit all of the negative as well as the positive emotions surrounding this. You may find that there is something entirely different than you think driving your feelings. When you tell the truth to yourself, Darla, then, when you talk of changes to the others you wish not to betray, they will know they are hearing the truth. This does not mean that they will react in a positive way necessarily, but it does mean that they will know, if only on their soul level (only??), that you are being true to yourself, and by extension, them.
Finally, be Grateful for it all.
Gratitude for all that is, is the engine that drives what is to come. Yes, difficult sometimes, but can’t we all look back at our lives and see how something that seemed “not good” at the time, turned out to have one heck of a silver lining? Look for that silver lining right now. If you can not see it, know that it does exist!
I know that’s a lot to take in, Darla, so take things as slowly as you wish right now, and when/if the time is right to make a change trust yourself. It may be kind of scary, but know that it is also an adventure, and an opportunity to experience Life as fully as you can!
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net . She may be contacted at: Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: ChangingChange.net offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
I have been attending a spiritual center where they encourage us to do affirmative prayer treatment when we want something. In my experience, though, this doesn’t always seem to work. For example, when I was younger I owned a piano store. I prayed for its success, and I envisioned opening up more stores in the surrounding area. I knew where I wanted them to be and I really saw this in my mind’s eye, but my first store ended up going under and I had to give up my dream. I don’t understand. Does affirmative prayer work or not?… Sam
Dear Sam… That is a wonderful question and I’m so glad you asked it. This is an age-old query, “Why doesn’t God always answer my prayer?” The answer is, God does always answer every single prayer and God always says, “Yes!” One big reason we sometimes don’t experience it that way, though, is because of our Sponsoring Thoughts. God always grants us exactly what our deepest, most underlying belief is about what we’re asking for. If you re-examine what was going on in the back of your mind at the time, I believe you’ll find your answer as to why the piano store dream didn’t come to fruition for you. And, given the benefit of hindsight, I’d go so far as to bet that you’re glad now that it didn’t happen, yes?
This brings up another reason we don’t always experience what we pray for: Remember, we are made in the image and likeness of God. This means that like God, we are each three-part beings. (God is Father/Son/Holy Spirit or Physical/Non-Physical/Metaphysical and we are Mind/Body/Soul or Conscious/Sub-Conscious/Super-Conscious.) Like God, we create on all three levels. Do you believe that if it had been your Soul’s highest calling to be the owner of a chain of piano stores in this particular lifetime, that your Soul’s will could have been thwarted? I tell you, Sam, it could not have been, if your mind had been aligned with your Soul’s calling.
It might be helpful to remember that there is no such thing as time and space. Everything that is happening, is happening right here, right now in the only time/space there is. Therefore, all possibilities exist now and there are an infinite number of scenarios of your life. In one timeline, you own that chain of piano stores! In another timeline, you own just the first one. In another timeline… well, you get the picture. You see, Sam, life is like a giant CD-Rom game, where every possible scenario is already on the disc, and you get to choose how you want to play it. And, although your conscious mind wanted to play the “Sam owns a chain of piano stores” scenario, either your sub-conscious mind had contrary thoughts about it or it wasn’t your Soul’s highest and best expression to play it that way in this particular version of “Sam’s Game of Life”, which sent you down another timeline.
The mind always wants to know “why”, but the most important question we can ask is “what”? What now? What matters most now to the agenda of your Soul? What does your Soul yearn to express through you, as you, in this particular “Sam’s Game of Life”? When you get clear on what that is, and you consciously align yourself with it, there’s no stopping the miracles that will fall into place for you. Aligning is key here, for the physical manifestation of anything is based on the Law of Attraction. Just as the unseen Law of Gravity always works—everything will fall to Earth unless something is holding it back—the unseen Law of Attraction always works unless something in our consciousness or sub-consciousness is holding it back.
So look to see what lights you up now, Sam. What would you absolutely love to be and do now? And please don’t jump to conclusions that you can’t be or do it, because there is nothing that you cannot be or do. We are each unlimited aspects of God, and with God, all things are possible. We are only limited by our own thoughts, never by something outside of us. When you get really clear on what feels like pure joy to your Soul, then do your affirmative prayer treatment, knowing that it is God’s great pleasure to give you the kingdom.
(Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Life Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: ChangingChange.net offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
Recently I made the decision to switch careers and do what I really want to do, which is in speaking, consulting and writing, and I’m really happy about that. The problem is I’m not officially leaving my day job for another 3 months and I’m not sure I can make it that long! I have mentally checked out, all I want to do is work on stuff for my new business, but I know that I have to stay with my job for awhile longer for financial reasons and because I made a commitment to so I can train in the new employee. It’s also beginning to affect my personal life because I’m so busy trying to do both. It all makes sense on the outside but I’m miserable on the inside and the thought of feeling this way for the next 3 months is terrible. Do you have any advice on how I can manage during this limbo period?
David, Indiana
Hi David,
Being a firm believer in your external conditions not having to determine your happiness or internal conditions, yes, there are many ways to manage what you’re feeling and how you’re experiencing this limbo period. However, this could be less of an issue of “managing during this limbo period” as it is of challenging your beliefs around this transition, and what you think it needs to look like. Since I don’t know the whole story, I’m going to give you a bit of direction around both and you can choose the one that feels best, sound good?
First of all, I want to invite you to remember that you are at the cause of your own experience. Maybe not all the events in your life, but definitely the experiences. So bring some loving consciousness and awareness into the situation by setting your intention each and every day. How do you want the day to go? What state of being would you like to be in? Sometimes that’s all it takes, because it reminds you that you are at the cause and not the effect of how your day goes. But to give your intentions even more support, engage in some daily practices that will support positive thought, words and actions throughout your day, such as daily gratitude, or meditation. I cannot stress enough how important the word daily is here. You see, it is not enough to occasionally engage in such practices or occasionally choose to have a positive outlook, in fact this is what sometimes causes people to find themselves in the this-positive-thinking-stuff-just-isn’t-working-for-me-trap. If you’re looking to feel good and be happy most of the time, then make a daily effort to make that happen. We are all more than capable of this.
Now for the beliefs approach. What is your current belief around this transitional period? Based on what you said I’m going to guess that your belief is something like this: “I made a commitment to stay for 3 months and they are all depending on me to train my replacement in and I don’t want to let them down. Plus, my business isn’t quite ready yet and I need the money coming in right now.” Is that close? I think we stay in situations that suck the life out of us largely because we hold at least one of 3 beliefs about it: we are obligated to stay, fear of the unknown, or we are responsible for the feelings of others. So I want you to ask yourself some big questions here, such as a)are you staying for the 3 months for one of the above reasons and b)if so, could there be another belief that might serve you better here? Take a look at some assumptions you’ve made based on your belief about this. For example, is it really necessary for me to train in my replacement for 3 months? Would they be okay if I only did 1 month, or gave the widely accepted two-week notice instead? Really, would the company collapse in my absence? My guess is probably not. They’d be just fine, and they are also at the cause of their own experience here; in other words, nobody’s happiness is dependent on you other than your own. As for the financial reasons, is the belief you have about this based in fear or love? What would love do here?
So, David, you’ve got some thinking, contemplating, deciding, and re-creating to do. But I encourage you to not be overwhelmed by this, but instead be over-joyed by it. Our ability to re-create ourselves anew in each and every moment, to be at the cause of our own experience, is an incredible gift. Challenging, yes of course, but incredibly and deeply fulfilling, too.
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: ChangingChange.net offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
Dear Advice,
I have been blessed by the teachings that Neale and other like-minded souls have provided. I was wondering what I can do about my situation. I am currently in the military, and I have a wife and three children. I don’t like war, but I’m about to get deployed to Korea for a possible conflict. I am determined to let God work through me, but I experience sadness when I think about the potential violence and death that could happen in Korea. I was deployed to Afghanistan a few years ago, and the trauma of war is terrible. The military is my physical source of income, and it appears to be the only option for supporting my family. I feel some guilt because of my occupation, and what it causes me to potentially do; however, my wife and children need a loving, providing father. My wife is partially disabled as well, so her working at a job is partially unreasonable.
Thank you for your answers,
G.M.G., El Paso,TX
Dear GMG,
As you know, there are no easy answers to this one. There are the physical and the spiritual, and there is how to combine them.
The current reality is, as I see it, that you have a legal contract with the U.S. Government. I took the liberty of contacting a very good friend of mine, who is an ex Staff Sargent, to ask him what he would counsel. His first thought was to suggest that you go to your unit’s chaplain and approach the subject with him (knowing the military, it might even be prudent to do the “hypothetically, if a person felt…” thing), and see what he/she might say about how to become a conscientious objector. This may not be possible, though, since your deployment to S. Korea is not considered in a conflict area at this point.
Now, should you wish to, and are able to, pursue any track that gets you out of the military before your tour is up, it could cause you to lose your benefits as well, which, given your family situation does make your decision much more complicated. Since going to Korea is usually a 1-year unaccompanied tour, I assume you have at least that left? Might you have been in long enough to “retire”?
However, we now move to the spiritual side…we often say we have no choice in the matter, when, in fact, we really do have a choice. We just don’t like accepting the consequences of what one choice would be. We are, also, conditioned to make the “easy” choice, even though that choice may just be delaying making the choice we really should make, or is simply the one we have been told is the “right” choice. Often, even though something nags at us, we do what others…culture, religion, government, family, friends…tell us is the right thing to do, rather than what our gut tells us would really work for us, on a level too often not worked into the mix…our soul level.
I am going to suggest you also reach out to your family. If you haven’t already, sit down with your wife, and your children (if they are old enough to understand), and tell them how you are feeling. Discuss that a huge part of your decision rests in what you perceive your responsibility is to them. GMG, there is a real possibility that they don’t expect you to do something that is harming you in this way. I would let them know what your vision is of what you would like to do, and why, and ask them how they would create your vision. If you would like them to be part of you life, it can only work if they have a voice in what that life looks like, and how it gets created. Remember…they are on this journey with you, co-creating with you. Remember, too, that children, because they don’t have all of the clutter of culture, religion and more, often have the greatest insights!
So, how do you apply the Spiritual knowing you have growing in you…you don’t like war…to all of these real (in the physical level) aspects of your life?
I believe you have to move to the first level of truth telling. Tell the truth about yourself to yourself. Someone recently put it to me this way: The highest virtue is being truthful. What “works” for us doesn’t always look compatible with our physical circumstances. Telling the truth to ourselves, about what we are feeling, will often make us feel isolated from what the world says we should feel. However, when we are truthful with ourselves, it opens the door for all possibilities to appear.
Then we have to make sure that we put no boundaries around possibilities! We do that so very often by having a very specific view of what the solution to a problem should look like. We most often want that road of least resistance, when it is the messy road that our soul tells us we should take. When you are truthful with yourself, you will know what the “right” road is. That’s what gut feelings are all about. Our bodies connect the mind and the soul.
And then there are your children. What do you wish to example to your children? What do you feel you are exampling now? What do you think you would example by doing something different? Which would have the most positive long-term benefit to your children…and your wife…and you?
Having said all of that, let me conclude with this: There are no “right” and “wrong” choices to be made here. As CWG states, there is only what works and doesn’t work. We get to define what “works” for us. Sometimes things that once worked don’t any longer. Sometimes what would never have seemed like a possibility in our lives, is now the perfect choice, if not the easiest choice. And knowing what that perfect choice is comes from, yup, telling the truth about ourselves, to ourselves.
I am now going to suggest that you find some time to just sit quietly and meditate. I am going to suggest a very simple meditation. Begin at the top of your head and just feel every inch of your body…from the top down, and then back up again. When you have a thought (and you will!) don’t judge it, simply acknowledge it, thank it, and move on. The same thing for body sensations…notice, thank, move on. Do not linger in the thought or sensation. Do this for 15 minutes to 1 hour. It may be difficult to go more than 15 minutes the first time or two.
Why do I suggest you do this? Because doing this brings your mind fully, and only, into the present moment. It eliminates the clutter for that brief period of time…and does much the same thing as rebooting your computer does. It gives your mind a chance to de-clutter and and allows for the possibility of new thoughts.
GMG, I would also like to invite you to join The Changing Change Network at www.changingchange.net . This is the website Neale Donald Walsch created to support the book “When Everything Changes, Change Everything.” The membership is free. The book, in its entirety, is on the site to read…for free. And, most importantly of all, there are volunteer Spiritual Helpers there who will dialogue with you about moving through dramatic change in your life…and I think this is a pretty dramatic time for you right now. It has some pretty powerful stuff, that can help you find your answers.
Finally, I would ask you to be kind to yourself, no matter what decision you make. You have had a lifetime of data, and changing your thoughts about that data will not always happen overnight. Just know that you are on the “when you know better, you do better” path, and that is enough.
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net . She may be contacted at: Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: ChangingChange.net offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
I am getting married in August to the most wonderful guy I’ve ever known. My fiance and I both knew we had something very special from the first time we met, and our relationship is very strong and happy. We’re both excited about the prospect of spending the rest of our lives together, but I am a little nervous. My parents had a nasty divorce after twenty years. My father had an ongoing affair and lied about it, eventually marrying the other woman. I know he didn’t mean to hurt my mom, but I really don’t want that to happen to us! Does Conversations With God have any advice about how to make a relationship survive and thrive? Thank you for any help you can give me… Amy
Dear Amy… I’m so glad I received this letter from you. Although any of the three of us who write this column, Nova and Therese included, could have helped you because we all know the CWG material so well and are all happily married, I experienced the exact same scenario as you. And… my husband, Greg, and I are celebrating our 23rd wedding anniversary this month!
I have actually started writing a book on this subject because it is so near and dear to my heart, but for now, here are some pointers to get you started. Since you asked specifically for advice from Conversations With God, I’m only including those. Hope it helps, and congratulations!
Place no requirements on each other. Make only requests.
Freedom is the essence of who we are and the fastest way to get someone to leave the space is to limit their freedom with requirements. When Greg and I got married, I told him I only had one request of him: That if he ever fell in love with someone else, he would be honest with me about it. I told him I understand that these things happen and although it would hurt me very much, it would hurt even worse if he were not honest about it. 23 years later, that is still my only request of him. The truth can hurt, but falsehood hurts even more. Even more importantly, the truth heals.
Speak your truth as soon as you know it, but soothe your words with peace and loving kindness.
Don’t hold things in. Give your partner the freedom of a loving space in which to share everything, both what’s working and what’s not working for them. I believe in total openness in relationships because if we keep things from each other the relationship becomes dysfunctional. I learned this the hard way with a dear friend of mine, trying to protect her feelings by keeping stuff in until I blew up, which ended up hurting her far worse. It’s much better to just come on out and say it if something is bothering us.
When we keep our partner in the dark about matters large or small, we put a crack in the relationship. When we continue to withhold information about things that bother us, the crack becomes a chasm that can eventually break the relationship in two.
Drop your expectations.
Life = Change = Growth. Go with the flow. Know that things wouldn’t be happening the way they are if it weren’t for your greatest good—even when it doesn’t look like that right now.
Where am I going and who’s going with me?
Never reverse the order of these two questions. This may come as a shock, but put yourself first. Even though it may sound selfish, following the path of our own soul is actually the kindest thing we can do for another. When we follow our partner’s path instead, resentment can build, and when we’re not happy, the relationship cannot thrive.
The magic happens when the two of you marry your paths together in such a way that both of you are following your individual soul’s journeys together. This requires clarity, communication and commitment, and it is a beautiful thing when it works. The whole of the two of you is greater than the sum of its parts. Life gets exponentially better and better!
(Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Life Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: ChangingChange.net offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
Lately it seems like I’m surrounded with sadness, tragedy, drama, and heavy, heavy emotions. Most of the time this is coming from people around me, as I am usually the one my friends and family go to when something is troubling them. Right now it’s more than usual, and with the tragedies happening in the world lately I’m not quite sure how to handle any of it, I feel so overwhelmed by how bad things really seem to be right now. How do I handle the heaviness of it all and help make a difference?!
Juan, Pennsylvania
Hi Juan,
I hear you, and I agree with you, there seems to be a lot more upheaval right now than usual, or at least many of us are more aware of it that usual. And with Monday’s explosions in Boston a lot of people are at a loss as to what to do. I encourage you to read Neale’s headline article of this newspaper, which you can access here. It offers great insight, hope and solutions as to what we as a whole can do, how we can help shift the way humanity has been living. In terms of dealing with the emotions of it all, read on.
When problems arise, or tragedy strikes, we are often left with shocked and outraged reactions, as well as with a lot of desperate questions (“who would do such thing”, “why doesn’t somebody do something about this”, “what else could go wrong?” etc.). This is our way of recognizing that we are not okay with what happened, we are not in alignment with this, and it’s a perfectly normal response. Those emotions and reactions can be really difficult to deal with, and if they’re not processed or dealt with properly, can turn into depression, despair, extreme fear and hopelessness, among other things. When not dealt with or processed, they also contribute to the problem, not the solution.
So the trick to dealing with these emotions, then, is to first acknowledge what you’re feeling and let whatever that is be okay – meet yourself where you’re at, talk to someone, journal about it. But don’t stay there. Instead, ask yourself, “Who am I in light of this? Who do I want to be here?” Then find ways to express and demonstrate that. This is when our normal initial “reactions” turn into conscious creation.
Furthermore, make it your business to focus on nothing but love, gratitude, kindness and compassion, and express that, too. Energetically speaking, this is the most powerful thing we can do in such situations, whether it’s in response to a worldwide tragedy or some trouble in your personal life. Focusing on the negative aspects simply magnifies them, draws more negativity, and as I said above, contributes to the problem. Shifting your attention to the good consistently raises your vibration, and the vibration of the world, contributing to the solution.
Let’s be clear about something, though, this is not what some refer to as a “spiritual bypass”, an increasingly popular term some people in New Age and New Thought arenas like to use to describe using positivity as avoiding and ignoring the problem, invalidating the emotions that come up. That’s not what this is at all. Remember, my very first suggested step here was to acknowledge how you feel and let it be okay. What we’re doing here is transforming those emotions, or energy (emotions = energy in motion), into something more useful. Instead of wallowing in despair, hopelessness, and frustration, we are choosing to raise our vibration and get into alignment with Who We Really Are, and it is from this place that we gain clarity and access to the actions we can take, from a place of love instead of fear.
I believe this is how we transform the fear, hate, violence and separation in the world (both on a large, worldwide scale and smaller, personal scale) into love, peace, compassion and unity. It starts with each of us, the individual, doing our part, taking responsibility for our role in this Universe. So I challenge you, Juan, and anyone else who may be reading this, to take the steps above. And when you reach that place of clarity, love and alignment, see what you’re inspired to do from there. Perhaps it’s joining a cause or organization that is taking specific steps towards a solution, perhaps it’s coming up with a brand new one no one has ever thought of. Or perhaps it’s a deep shift within you where kindness, love, and compassion towards all becomes your first language from now on.
Thanks for being willing to do your part, Juan.
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: ChangingChange.net offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
Dear Therese,
I see Neale, and others, talking about world peace, but I sure don’t see much peace around me these days. I hear them talking, talking, talking, but what am I supposed to do? Where are the leaders like Martin Luther King and Ghandi and Mandela for NOW, and for moving forward? Who is going to lead ME? I am confused as to what I can do!
Jason in Detroit
Dear Jason,
I think any rational person sometimes takes a look around at this world and feels hopeless. The energy does feel pretty overwhelming. But here’s what I believe. I believe that there may never be “leaders” in the same manner there were in the past. I think they had their place in space and time, and were necessary, because it wasn’t time for the next step…for ALL of us to be leaders.
We no longer require a specific leader to be the genesis of change. In fact, we no longer have to know just who was the first to promote and work for an idea, because now an idea whose time has come can spread across the world in seconds with no one having to know who first thought it.
It does mean that we all get to choose, instantly, whether or not we are going to “Be the change we wish to see.” Are we going to follow the example of those brave souls who were recognized as leaders, and allow them continue to lead us into our own power?
We can choose how we feel about it all. We can choose to give up and just let it all happen, or we can choose to do something about what we see. For me, even if I never “succeed” at changing the world, just the fact that I don’t give up gives my life purpose and meaning. I will know, at the very least, that I have exampled for my children, and grandchildren, what I feel the world should look like…and maybe THEY will be the ones who change things.
In any case, we could all, literally, because all of the negativity of this world, stay in bed, under the covers, and be depressed, or we could choose to talk to everyone we meet with a smile on our faces, engage them in conversation, and let all know that we are doing our best to live differently than the energy we feel around us. We could invite them to join us by simply living our lives joyously, and encouraging them to live their lives as joyously as possible as well!
And lead. By our own example and power.
And maybe you, or I, will be the genesis of the next great paradigm shift…and never have to know it.
We may be the first Domino. (Hey, it could happen!)
When a waitress or waiter asks me if they can do anything else for me, I always say, “Yes, you can give me peace!”, and then a conversation (short or long) ensues about how each of us must first create peace in ourselves, and how peace spreads from our own peacefulness. I actually had a really long conversation about just that when I went out to dinner yesterday! And I have the conversation in grocery stores and when standing in lines. As a matter of fact, if someone really wants to talk, the one question that really gets the conversation going comes from right here, The Global Conversation.
“How is it that 7 billion people, all claiming to want the same things…are not able to achieve them?” (By the way, have you read Neale’s book, “The Storm Before the Calm”?)
I believe that “talking, talking, talking” really is the answer, but it has to move off the page and into our personal being and radiate outward to our own corners of the world first.
So don’t be afraid to be confused. It is my opinion that being confused, being mad, or being afraid are all simply signals that we should look at things in a different way…because if the current way is making you confused/angry/afraid, it obviously isn’t really working for you! Consider, if you will, what might work for you. In what way might you be getting called to lead?
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net, which offers spiritual assistance from a team of Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less, and offers insight, suggestions, and companionship during moments of unbidden, unexpected, unwelcome change on the journey of life. She may be contacted at Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
Dear readers: Today’s advice question comes from one of my students in the CWG Online School, who has recently decided and declared his life calling is to be a “good Samaritan.” When I read his response to one of our homework questions, I knew I wanted to share it with all of you in the hopes that you will gain from his experience:
As I was leaving a take-away shop with my dinner recently, I passed a guy who was just sitting on the sidewalk with no shirt on, an unkempt look, a bottle of beer, and a shopping bag which seemed to have all his possessions in it. As I walked past he says “Hey old mate.” I chose to ignore him, thinking, “I do not need this hassle or want to deal with this at the moment. I just want to get home, I’m exhausted.” And I then let fear take over. He says again, “Hey old mate,” but louder this time. I chose to ignore him again and kept walking. Again he says “Hey old mate,” and his voice is quite loud. This then got the better of me and I snapped at him and said quite loud myself, “Are you right? What’s Up?” He then looked at me and slowly turned his head away and looked towards the ground – and I just got in the car and drove away, feeling angry and also like a heel. Then I beat myself up a bit and thought of a thousand different ways I could have handled this differently. I could have acknowledged him at least. Maybe he was down on his luck and just hungry and I could have bought him a $9 meal from the take away shop, as I had the money. And not let fear take over. Maybe he might have only wanted to know what time it was, etc. So this was a real eye opener for me to see that I have a long way to go in having the right attitude and how I perceive others and how I might respond in unusual situations. I am feeling a little lost at the moment… Ben
Oh, Ben, don’t you see the perfect irony in this “chance encounter”? If not, please let me show you how it looks from my perspective:
1. You decide and declare Who You Really Are, which is a good Samaritan.
2. You meet someone on the street who, in the past, would have frightened you, simply by his appearance—unkempt, drinking beer, apparently homeless.
3. You forget your decision to be a good Samaritan and you do the exact opposite, reacting as you would have in the past, rather than creating as you would like to from now on, when faced with this type of situation.
4. He looks you in the eye, then slowly looks away as if to say, “You forgot, Ben, to be a good Samaritan. Here I am giving you the perfect opportunity to fulfill exactly what it is you say you are, and you forgot.”
5. You, of course, feel terrible because your actions were out of alignment with your new decision about yourself.
Please, please forgive yourself for forgetting, dear sweet Ben. We all forget… until we don’t anymore. And remember this encounter, always. Then the next time something like this happens, you will choose differently, thus allowing yourself to feel really good about remembering, then acting on, your decision to be a good Samaritan.
Do you know what the definition of “sin” is? It’s missing the mark. Whose mark? Our own! When we commit a sin, we’ve fallen short of who we say we are, knowing we could have done better. Now, “go and sin no more,” dear Bob. You are growing into higher and higher states of awareness, and these growing pains are all part of the process. This is Life, giving you the right and perfect opportunities for you to step into your next grandest version of the greatest vision you ever held about Who You Are.
This was a perfect life lesson for you. And now, the “Moral of the Story”:
When you lose, don’t lose the lesson!
(Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Life Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
I have a book in me that is ready to come out, it’s something I’ve been wanting to do ever since I was in my early twenties and knew I wanted to be of service to this planet. I feel like I am going to burst with enthusiasm and joy for this project, yet I am also stuck because I am terrified it won’t happen and I have no idea how to go about this process. How do I allow this book to come to fruition without getting in my own way, as in trying to talk myself out of it, putting it off, staying inspired, etc.? This is so important to me, and I don’t want to lose this momentum I feel.
Sam, Colorado
Hi Sam,
Congratulations, that’s great! And I get where you’re at – oftentimes in the same instance that brilliance and inspiration strike, fear, doubt and confusion as to how to proceed also enter the picture. This is of course normal but it doesn’t have to be your long-term experience with this project that’s so near and dear to your heart. I happen to have a client who is well into the writing process of his own book that is bursting out of him, but he started right where you are. While I’m no expert in book-writing, I do have some ideas and suggestions that have been very helpful for him, myself, and many others I know. Below are some tips that will hopefully help you out in remaining in alignment with this project, maintaining your energy and passion for it, and of course, help you finish it. Furthermore, these tips can be applied to anything you are working on that is of importance to you and you’d like to see come to fruition.
First of all, ideas, inspiration, motivation, and creativity all come from a place of alignment, or being centered and connected. When we’re in alignment, we have access to everything we need to create; when we’re out of alignment, we can only see about 6 inches in front of our faces and have very limited access (i.e. we feel uninspired, unmotivated, at a loss as to what to do, etc.). My advice would be to make being in alignment your top priority throughout this process (and all of life, really!), especially before each and every time you sit down to write. For example, many authors I know meditate, exercise or go for a walk outside, pray, practice gratitude or do all of the above before sitting down to write. It raises their vibration and gets them in a state of flow and receiving, and good things always come from that!
A great tip that was given to me by a certain best-selling author you may have heard of, this guy Neale Donald Walsch (wink wink), was to set sort of a sacred time to write as well as a minimum of time you are going to write for each day. For example, writing in the morning for at least 15 minutes a day. If you end up writing for longer than that, great, if just the 15 minutes, then that’s great, too. He also gave me the tip to never stop at the end of a chapter or paragraph, or even at the end of a sentence for that matter. Give yourself a place to easily pick up from. I thought that was brilliant. No wonder this guy has published so many books, eh?
Finally, one thing I have done as well as the client I mentioned earlier, is to give yourself a “writing retreat”, as in remove yourself from the everyday distractions and go somewhere simply to write for a few days. For example, my next writing retreat is 2 days at hotel where I will also pamper myself and spend some time relaxing (that’s how I happen to get my greatest inspiration and work done). In other words, make this fun and pleasurable! Carry that initial energy of excitement, enthusiasm, joy and passion forward as much as you can.
Can’t wait to read your book, Sam, be sure and let us know when it’s done!
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
