The five levels of truth-telling

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The first time I read about this concept, it resonated deeply within my soul. But I must admit, I was a bit fearful that it would not be easy to apply on an everyday basis.

Sure, in my years as a patient, and then as a therapist, I had learned the value of truth and did my best to honor it both in my professional and personal life…most of the time.

So what was still keeping me from being truthful in certain situations?

Well, I told myself it was in order not to hurt others – to protect them, you might say. But in reality, as it is for most of us, I was paralyzed by the thought that if I tell my truth, I may lose the interest, love, and appreciation of others. I was the one scared of being hurt.

Of course, Life, benevolent and loving as it is, heard my interrogation and was already working at creating the perfect circumstances for me to experience the power of truth-telling.

It started with a conference call with Neale Donald Walsch (being a spiritual helper on WECCE, I am so very fortunate to participate in those).

On that particular call, a helper asked Neale – given his extensive life experience and wisdom – what piece of advice he would give to a young person starting in life. Neale did not have to think over it twice.

“To tell the truth all the time” was his first and foremost answer. He went on to add that even though it wasn’t easy, it was one of the soul’s highest goals, and that truth should be told in a peaceful, respectful way.

So there it was again, taunting me to look at myself squarely and stop hiding behind false pretense.

I went back to the 5 Levels of Truth and started applying them to the situations in my life where I felt difficulty or conflicts. Sure enough, I was not being totally transparent in those exchanges.

It all starts with:

Telling the Truth to Yourself About Yourself

This one may sound like a no-brainer, but it’s really not. Often we tell ourselves what we tell others: nice little fibs. We are afraid of the truth itself. We imagine awful consequences to our revelations and use them as pretexts to stay in an uncomfortable “comfort zone.”

Still, I felt pretty sure I knew my truth. In my present situation, it had to do with a very close friend who was making jokes and comments which conflicted with my values.

So I moved on to the second level of truth-telling:

Tell the Truth to Yourself About Another

This one had me pondering. I mean, obviously we have a hard time staying neutral about others, but shouldn’t this be a goal?

I was forgetting an essential truth: Seeing is not judging. Judging is forming an opinion based not on our feelings but on our thoughts; whereas seeing is simply observing from the soul’s point of view. This was pretty subtle, but I could see where this was taking me.

It was taking me beyond my pride and prejudices. Suddenly I could see what was at stake – namely, not my opinions on defensive humor and criticism, but the reality behind it: my friend’s psychological and spiritual well-being.

The next level was:

Tell the Truth About Yourself to Others

I thought I could do that and started having conversations with him around this subject. Yes, around…not totally addressing it. Once again, this is something we all do at one point or another (especially if you’re a woman and have been taught you should not hurt/make waves/contradict others for the last 2,000 years).

A bit taken aback by the lack of result my endeavors were having, I moved on to the fourth level of truth-telling:

Tell Your Truth About Another to the Other

This left me feeling sad and at loss, because I tried and tried and tried again, but he would not take my advice on consulting a therapist, nor reading books that might provide with some guidance. In fact, this only served to separate us more. I thought our friendship was just coming to an end and I had to accept it.

Still, I moved on to the last level of truth-telling:

Tell Your Truth to Everyone About Everything

That sounded impossible and yet it jerked me awake. I realized that I had been so entrenched in my own little drama (the fear of losing my friend, the fear I wasn’t providing efficient help) that I still had not told my initial truth.

Not telling this very same truth had separated us a first time many years ago. It was now poisoning the relationship, like every secret, every lie always does.

So I decided to follow Neale’s advice to a “T.” I worked on ways to convey my truth in a peaceful, non-judging way, and then asked to see him.

Neale had been right, it wasn’t easy. It took some courage, some guts even. And then all hell broke loose, the relationship ended…and not nicely.

Still, I felt liberated. I knew I had demonstrated to myself and to my friend respect by putting words on my feelings. Whatever pain or sadness I encountered in the following months over this ending, there wasn’t a trace of regret in me about telling my truth.

In fact, this prompted me to honor my truth more and more, in every aspect of my life, making my relationships happier and easier. Now, I won’t lie to you, sometimes I lose sight of my truth, I feel uncomfortable about something and it takes me some time to identify what it is and then some more to convey it in a proper way.

But you know what? The Soul leaves no stone unturned. Lies and half-truths will come back to haunt you until you set the truth free. And once you do, not only does this works, it ripples…

A month ago, my friend came back. He had started seeing a therapist and was starting to feel much better. One of the things that had strongly prompted this change was our conversation and the ensuing break-up.

Tell your truth and expect miracles…both inside and around you.

(Sophie Lise Fargue is a therapist working with energy, animating workshops and giving seminars on Personal Development in Paris, France. She also volunteers as a Spiritual Helper at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. You may connect with her at www.revenirasoi.com or slfargue@gmail.com.)

Comments

35 responses to “The five levels of truth-telling”

December 8, 2012

Therese Wilson

Beautiful! Thanks for the reminder around truth telling, and doing it in an easy to understand way.

T.

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December 8, 2012

Marko

Thanks Sophie, I love the personal example to drive the point home.

I tend to think in terms of degrees & intensity around truth telling & some things are worth little white lies like telling someone their new hair cut doesn’t suck when it really does (yes it’s subjective) there’s just some things that don’t really matter as much. It’s very situational & contextual. Or does it simply come down to tactfulness?

So I’m saying sometimes the white lie eases for later telling of the fuller truth, when they are more ready to hear it. Or, the situation is so superficial the degree of the white lie is truly insignificant.

I’m not sure others would agree or not, but it would make for interesting discussion.

Thanks for sharing.

Magical holiday blessings,
-Marko

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December 8, 2012

Michael L

Dear Sophie Lise,

What a wonder to come full circle, and to know your self fully, in relations to this individual.

You gave yourself the gift of freedom to be finally Who You Are, and it is beautiful.

Many Thanks for showing the courage to show the way.

@ Marko,

You can tell your truth, even if it is a white lie as long as your ready to clean up the pain you may cause in doing it.

Because we are talking here about honesty, and the third part of that is to take responsibility for all you say. So it would seem to me, even if it seems easier to lie, be ready to comfort all those that hear your lie.

The truth will set you free!

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December 8, 2012

SL

Dear Marko,
Thank you for your comment. I remember Neale saying something along those lines too…And it reminded me of this American saying that I find so valuable: “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything.”
I feel this can always be applied to every day situations, like the ones you described.
Not saying anything, or staying very neutral is -in my opinion- better than uttering a white lie, because it allows you to stay true to yourself and to not risk hurting the other person (who might feel betrayed when you later tell her what you really thought).
As for the important things…there is simply no way around it, truth has to be told 🙂

Love & Light,

SL

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December 8, 2012

Mark A. Michael

Sophie
Much to ponder from what you wrote here. I can see how the level of our truth telling will affect us and those around us. Thank you for your courage in this.

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December 8, 2012

Vincent

Beauty and Truth are the “two faces of the same coin” . That’s what Sophie-Lise taught us; along with courage and neverending trust.

thank you so much for your enlightening testimony.

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December 9, 2012

Laura Pringle

Yes, Thanks for sharing:) I never lie, but have concealed things from time to time, hiding my actions for fear of being judged/harmed or angering another.
Also, there are instances where sharing the truth is freeing, but very harmful to others. Example: After my mom died, I told my grandmother that Mommy never felt like she loved her, and that she loved the brother more. This upset my grandmother, she cried, and for all I know, may have been fraught with despair for the rest of her life. I didn’t say this to her to be cruel, but just because I felt strongly that she needed to know that. In retrospect, I think keeping that to myself would have been the more loving thing to do. But who can really know? Only God, I guess…

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December 9, 2012

Marko

Louis Pasteur started the field & science of immunology by creating a vaccine to prevent rabies. He told authorities he did successful test experiments on 50 dogs. But that was a lie as his notes that came to public in the 70’s proved.

Yet he gambled on one boy to try the vaccine on a human & it worked. His lie made it possible for polio & measles vaccines to come about & save millions.

Food for thought.

Magically,
-Marko

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December 9, 2012

SL

Dear Laura,
There is something that I probably haven’t stressed enough in this article: truth should be delivered peacefully.
It is important to go within and take time to choose your words carefully when you have something important to convey.

Sometimes just being aware of a truth concerning our ancestors is enough to avoid repeating the same schemes, sometimes it has to be told.

Thank you for your input Laura 🙂

To Marko:
What I read about and experienced about vaccines leads me to think that this lie wasn’t such a good idea.

Blessings,

SL

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December 10, 2012

Inger Lise

Dear Sophie Lise, thank you.

One of my favourites will be Carl Ljung, he is telling much of the same as you do.
Myself for one, experienced such a peaceful childhood and surroundings/environment, as peaceful as of never experienced aggressiveness, even of to have two siblings.
Of course the status quo changed dramatically when of to begin the school-years. “Protection” is for me the spiritual side of life. Knowing one way or the other of it is “a place” within us which will be at peace.
But as of have come to the conclusion of nothing happens by chance, and by the learning of life, is it a necessity of to understand of all of us have to go through all the phases in the development of the soul.

Blessings, Inger Lise.

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December 10, 2012

Annie Sims

Thank you, Sophie, for sharing your personal story around the Five Levels of Truth Telling. As you know from having completed our CWG Online School earlier this year, personal experiences, when shared, can go a long way toward helping others not have to learn some of life’s lessons the hard way!

One thing that might be helpful for our readers to know is that there is no such thing as Absolute Truth, here in the Realm of the Physical. As your list of five levels shows, we see these statements as either:

Tell THE truth…

or

Tell YOUR truth…

All we can ever really do here is tell OUR truth. And maybe that’s where dear Laura got into a bit of a quandary. The truth she was telling her grandmother was her mother’s truth, not her own. However, she says she “felt strongly that (her grandmother) needed to know.” Hmmm…

Neale tells a story of a sweet old lady who attended one of his retreats. She was terribly torn over whether to tell her terminally ill husband that she had had a very brief affair, many decades earlier in their marriage. The audience held their breath, awaiting Neale’s response, sure that because of the Five Levels of Truth Telling, he would advise her to confess her transgression to her husband. They all heaved a sigh of relief when he asked her what good could it possibly do except to get it off her chest. Her husband, having believed she had been a faithful wife all those years, might live out his final days on Earth in complete devastation.

There are three questions to ask when deciding whether to speak out about something like this, and they should all be answered “yes”:

Is it True? (And if you’re a Byron Katie follower you probably won’t get many statements past this qualifying point)

Is it Good?

Is it Useful?

In this dear old lady’s case, even though it was true, it would have been neither good nor useful for her husband to hear. By NOT speaking her truth she saved him much anguish.

If there’s something bothering you so much you feel you can’t bear to go on without confessing it, then, please, get very clear that the feeling is coming from your Soul, not your Mind. Then consider using the True/Good/Useful litmus test.

Then, if you feel it’s highest and best for you to tell your truth, speak it with as much peace and loving kindness as possible.

Hope this helps!
Annie Sims
Global Director
Conversations With God Advanced Programs

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December 10, 2012

SL

As always you are an angel on my path dear Annie!
Thank you so much for those enlightning precisions 🙂

Lovingly,

SL

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December 11, 2012

Therese

Laura stated:

“This upset my grandmother, she cried, and for all I know, may have been fraught with despair for the rest of her life.”

Here is how I view Laura’s actions and statements…

Yes, Laura was the cause of her grandmother crying. Yes, Laura must examine her actions and decide if this is something she would ever wish to do again. (And from the tone of this note she would not, meaning it eventually turned into a pretty decent remembering of who she really is.)

However, if grandmother was, indeed, fraught with despair for the rest of her life, that was grandmother’s choice and path.

Now is the time for Laura to tell her truth to herself about this event…and move into a place of understanding. It is time to understand the statement, “when we know better, we do better.” Does Laura know better now? Her note very much indicates she does.

Fortunately because of Laura’s experience, others may not have to create the same physical experience to know better in their own lives.

Great dialog and expansion on the topic!

Therese

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December 11, 2012

Marko

Thank you Annie for your great additional comments. No absolute truth. Though mathematics come close no?

“To Marko:
What I read about and experienced about vaccines leads me to think that this lie wasn’t such a good idea.”

That may be true, but that is what others did & continue to do around this, not the originator of it. What you refer to is the abuse & misleading of vaccines, drugs & the like, a huge problem for sure.

My point would be that’s it’s the energy & intent behind whats being said that creates the consequence. Be it a lie or non lie. All have degrees of energy within them. The energy behind it is where the real or closer truth resides.

Magically,
-Marko

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December 11, 2012

mewabe

“Neale tells a story of a sweet old lady who attended one of his retreats. She was terribly torn over whether to tell her terminally ill husband that she had had a very brief affair, many decades earlier in their marriage. The audience held their breath, awaiting Neale’s response, sure that because of the Five Levels of Truth Telling, he would advise her to confess her transgression to her husband. They all heaved a sigh of relief when he asked her what good could it possibly do except to get it off her chest. Her husband, having believed she had been a faithful wife all those years, might live out his final days on Earth in complete devastation.”

I am completely in disagreement with this.

The truth comes out sooner or later, in this world or the next, and betrayal will be faced, sooner or later. Later is always worse than sooner. An act may be forgiven, but in order to forgive something, you must first know what that something is, that’s elemental.

I find Neale’s answer lacking in spiritual and human wisdom. To lie or to hide something in order to “protect” another from pain is to rob that person’s opportunity to decide what to think and how to feel about that “something”, it is to treat another as a child, to deny another person’s ability to make a conscious choice. It can be infuriating to the person who is thus being “protected”.

Telling our truth is an essential expression of respect. When our truth is uncomfortable, and it often is, respect means that we trust that the other person has the mental, psychological, emotional capabilities to handle our truth.

On the other hand, lying to protect another is, in a sense, treating the other as if s/he were handicapped, mentally, emotionally or psychologically, and could not handle life, which includes pain, as if s/he were a young child.

This choice is doubly insulting and injurious in a case of betrayal as in the example above commented on by Neale.

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December 11, 2012

mewabe

Lies to protect another from pain, or hiding something from another for the same purpose, are the psychological equivalent of chemical opiates.

Some believe that morphine, prozac or emotional numbness are the equivalent of happiness.

Lies are psychologically and emotionally numbing, as are most psychotropic medications…they take away our opportunity to grow when applied in the name of protecting another from pain, as do these medications, which do do address actual problems but suppress symptoms.

Do we want to be “medicated” by lies? I would choose to be told the truth, no matter how excruciatingly painful, any day, because I always choose adulthood and growth.

In the end, it may just be a matter of courage, or lack thereof. The coward will choose to lie and to be told lies.

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December 11, 2012

Marko

Mewabe methinks you are working in absolutes & rigidity. You may be correct in principle but not in application.

The larger question is, one causes more inappropriate pain than is even necessary, is of little consequence, even in the Big picture,– except for someone who cares more about being right than being kind.

The real question is what seems to be most appropriate under any situation.

Make sense?

Magically,
-Marko

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December 11, 2012

SL

Dear Marko,

I see your point and agree :).
As one Indian Master once said though “the intention may be good but it will not suffice without wisdom”.

Dear Mewabe

I see your point also.
My take on it is that each case is unique and that the test true/good/useful test is a very good tool.
Secondly in the story of the little old lady, I feel that Neale chose to take the broader picture into account and the need for her husband to go in peace.
Negative emotions can pollute us while we are dying and make our transition much harder. I guess that was the bigger truth to consider then.

Peace & light,

SL

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December 11, 2012

mewabe

Marko, I was specifically commenting on Neale’s comment about the sweet little old lady having cheated on her husband.

In this case, the painful act had already been committed, but because hidden it wasn’t made conscious to the other person (the husband).

Unconsciousness, or numbness, or ignorance, are bliss only for those who would choose the equivalent of brain lobotomy rather than growth, or who think happiness is to be deaf, numb and blind.

Of course I am not talking about “not saying anything if we have nothing good to say”…indeed we should not confuse honesty with brutality and abuse (some people do, they hit another really hard and harshly and then say “I am just being honest”).

Marko, I am only “correct” in regard to my own life and how I apply my own beliefs and values. Other have all the freedom to choose whatever fits their beliefs and values. I choose truth, no matter how painful, and it is perhaps the same attitude that makes me never use any pain killers, because I choose to handle life on its own terms.

But I have to object when a person who influences other (such as a teacher like Neale) advises them to hide an act of betrayal in order to “protect” another. This argument if flawed on so many levels, one of them being that this “protection” or “kindness” should have being thought of before the act of betrayal was committed.

Not betraying another has nothing to do with being “right” or righteous and everything to do with not hurting the other. That’s where real kindness needs being applied, not in hiding an act of betrayal.

Once the act of betrayal has been committed, hiding it is doubly injurious and disrespectful.

Furthermore and as I previously explained, it is robbing the other of the choice to make his or her decision about it, on how to feel, what to think, and on whether to understand (“forgive”) or walk away.

It is also robbing both individuals involved of a crucial opportunity to choose healing and therefore to grow, because healing never comes with denial (or with hiding any truth).

The additional and more obvious problem with lies and betrayal is that they cancel all possible trust. The lies, the betrayal can be understood (“forgiven”), but trust won’t come back this easily. Without trust, there is no possible relationship.

I realize I may be offending you and others by saying that in my opinion Neale made a mistake of judgment on this, but that’s how I see it.

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December 11, 2012

mewabe

Dear Sophie, thank you for your answer, I must keep on disagreeing however on the point you made about the need for a person to go peacefully when dying.

A person who is near death has a last opportunity to resolve conflicts and unfinished business, to heal, to share the truth of his or her heart and soul with another. So do those who are around such a person.

In my opinion only in truth can real peace be achieved. In lies or hiding, we have a pretense of peace, which would be as a beautiful city build on rotten soil.

It is again a misjudgment on the part of Neale to assume that the husband would have been crushed. Not necessarily. He was robbed of the opportunity to relieve his wife of her guilt…to lovingly tell her that he loved her no matter what, and that he was grateful for her telling him what she had done…and for everything she gave him in their marriage…if such would have been his choice.

People who approach death begin to detach themselves, gradually, from others and from this world. They have the opportunity to get a greater spiritual perspective, to see with spiritual eyes rather than the mind, to choose the higher spiritual road.

To lie of hide the truth from such a person is to miss a great and crucial opportunity for understanding, “forgiveness” and mutual healing.

It is not a wise or enlightened choice, only comfortable and expedient.

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December 11, 2012

SL

Dear Mewabe,

I do agree with you and personally I do choose truth all the time, even when advised otherwise.

That said, I wasn’t in the room that day, and I do trust Neale -not blindly but because I feel he is someone who speaks and acts from the heart- to have given the best advice he could give to that particular person on that particular day.
Besides if you have read the Conversations with God books then you know that Neale is very adamant about personal freedom and the importance of making one’s own choice, based on one’s feelings.

I thank you very much for your input dear Mewabe, as I feel very important notions have been talked about here.

In light,

SL

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December 11, 2012

mewabe

Thank you Sophie,

I supposed that if I had been in that room that day, I would have made the same points I made here, and would have not advised that lady on how to act but merely suggested another way of looking at this situation.

I do not believe that anyone is qualified to give advice to another…merely opinions. I disagree with Neale’s opinion, although I am sure he gave the best opinion based on his view of reality and his own perceptions and belief system, as we all do.

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December 11, 2012

mewabe

I want to also comment on the test “is it true, is it good, is it useful”…

In my opinion, the direct truth is always good and useful. Whether it is an objective truth or a subjective truth, whether it is a temporary truth or a lasting truth, the truth is as a fertile soil on which we can grow and flourish, and stand.

Our subjective truths, no matter how seemingly irrational, can only evolve when expressed and shared, not when suppressed, in which case they remain stillborn and fester.

Without stating our truth, without being honest, understanding and agreement are based on illusions…and illusions sooner or later blow in our faces, doing more damage than any uncomfortable truths could ever have.

We should, however and perhaps, not choose to relay another person’s truth without their agreement, and even then perhaps not at all.

In the case of a woman telling her grandmother about her mother’s feelings, this may be a kind of transgression…something that can only lead to pain because the mother was not there to explain her feelings further, and the grandmother could not reply to her own daughter directly, so there was no opportunity for actual healing between them, only an opportunity for misunderstanding and hurt.

This would be a case of “not good, not useful in any way”.

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December 11, 2012

mewabe

Thank you Sophie on another point: you are not afraid to have a conversation and exchange of opinions with someone with whom you disagree in part or on a specific point, without taking anything personally or feeling offended.

I think it is a French quality (an open mind and keeping the conversation level-headed) and I wanted to thank you for displaying it here.

It is at times difficult to have a conversation in North America, as people either only exchange ideas when they agree, or else become personally offended, or simply refuse a dialogue because somehow believing that the point of such a dialogue is not an exchange of ideas but to “prove” another person is “wrong”.

It is not an accident that this nation is more divided than ever, blind competition is so much a part of everyone’s conditioning in this land.

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December 11, 2012

SL

Thank you for the compliment Mewabe.
Actually I used to be very touchy and my American friends and my fellow helpers helped me a lot with that.

They taught me we could agree to disagree and still be friends 🙂

I appreciated the way you kept this exchange so pleasant too and so instructive.

I’m sure many people will benefit from it.

Love & light,

SL

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December 11, 2012

Marko

..”indeed we should not confuse honesty with brutality and abuse (some people do, they hit another really hard and harshly and then say “I am just being honest”). ”

Yes I agree here, that was my point & I did not get that point from reading your original post.

“I choose truth, no matter how painful, and it is perhaps the same attitude that makes me never use any pain killers, because I choose to handle life on its own terms.”

It’s been my experience that rigid attitudes like this can cause more injury by the self imposed righteous stubbornness that this is the way, even if only for yourself. You are of course a free moral agent to choose so.

I grew up in Christian Science & I know your point of view all to well & that’s where I came from & while I can appreciate the stoic focus of not neglecting pain in any form in the name of personal subjective truth,— I have found it wanting and not necessarily beneficial to me or others who have followed that rigid path.

As long as you feel good about it, I think it’s fine. I also understand that sometimes when the pain is too great you are forced out of your sleep.

Even Mary Baker Eddy founder of Christian Science allowed for some pain relief. She realized when you are in so much pain, you can’t really think or treat yourself in a normal manner or even function,– & temporary relief can bring you back to the space to better handle your condition.

“I realize I may be offending you and others by saying that in my opinion Neale made a mistake of judgment on this, but that’s how I see it.”

I’ve been on Neale’s sites for 12 plus years or more & I’m not sure I’ve ever been offended by what others have said. There’s always a first time. But it hasn’t happened as I can’t recall any instance.

I like & appreciate the persistence & detail of what you are after even if I don’t necessarily always agree.

Magical blessings,
-Marko

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December 11, 2012

mewabe

Thank you Marko for your response I too appreciate it.

I don’t consider myself stoic, and I have never been involved in anything Christian, not even Christian Science…I just wanted to clarify.

I will avoid difficulties (prevention) any day rather than dealing with crisis from lack of foresight or care. But if pain comes I choose to deal with it, physical or emotional, because I choose to remain fully conscious at all times, in order to heal the cause of such pain rather than suppress the symptoms.

I have healed intense migraines within minutes by deeply focusing on and feeling my oneness with All Life, feeling no separation with anything…I have also learnt that most pain is 90% fear and tension and 10% actual discomfort. Take the fear away, and you have left is an intensity of feeling that can be healed because it is showing you where the imbalance is in your body and mind.

I am not sure how I would deal with broken bones, I never experienced that.

But I was more concerned about emotional pain, which is actually much more devastating than physical pain, and harder to deal with. That’s where humanity makes the biggest mistakes of choosing denial and suppression, in my opinion.

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December 11, 2012

mewabe

I wanted to add, Marko, to clarify…(words can be so confusing):

I am actually the opposite of a stoic…I allow myself to express my pain. It is precisely because I express it that I do not suppress it (with denial, rationalization or medications). See the difference?

In my experience expression leads to eventual release and healing, while the act of treating the symptoms usually serves to suppress or ignore the cause, leading to no healing but to “management” or “treatment”.

Generally speaking, of course, as some conditions cannot be healed. Or can they? Are we this limited, is the mind that powerless?

I know I am off topic here, I just wanted to add these points.

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December 11, 2012

mewabe

I should have written: “most pain is 90% fear and resistance and 10% actual discomfort. Take the fear and resistance away, and all you have left is an intensity of feeling…”

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December 11, 2012

Marko

Mewabe sounds like you have a good handle on how to handle your pain,– & as you do so right away it has less time to fester & grow, you nip it in the bud.

It sounded to me at 1st, that you are rigid in not using any pain relief & if that’s what works great. After reading your other posts after that explaining more, your issue sounds less rigid & even it it is, it’s what works right?

My issue with, as I’ve experienced in Christian Science & others is that it’s okay to use temporary methods to deal with pain. I used CS as an example of what rigidity can do to people & it can stifle spiritual growth & Yes people can way over do it as well and overuse pain meds. Which is the opposite of rigidity extreme.

I had some pretty bad headaches that meditation, prayer, visualization would not give relief to. So I tried some Tylenol & got relief. As a result I got fewer headaches without using Tylenol & in the last 15 years a really bad headache has happened maybe twice. My point? I still use Tylenol or a generic substitute when I think it’s called for.

My personal experience was to let go of my rigidity that to use pain relief was a inferior spiritual way to handle pain. That in letting go of that, I was able to function more normally without pain. That was my lesson.

Blessings,
-Marko

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December 11, 2012

mewabe

I understand your point of view Marko…many people become rigid and dogmatic, but that’s another sign of imbalance and leads to imbalances in the body as well.

I usually avoid talking about personal experiences, because it is so difficult to pin point one’s way in a few sentences. So I usually speak in terms of principles or theories, which may appear rigid. But thank you for understanding my less than perfect explanations.

Personally, I try to stay in touch with my feelings and with my body, perhaps more than most. And so I aim to be very fluid…flexible. If I was to emulate a natural element it would be air or water (you wouldn’t know it by the way I write, which appears rigid, but it’s because I cut to the chase and overstate some points). Years of deep feeling therapy and a very personal spiritual way got me there, but it is an ongoing journey, an eternal journey.

But again, my biggest concern is how people handle emotional pain…physical pain is rather simple to handle. I see a lot of denial and emotional suppression.

I once understood that the difference between pain and suffering is that suffering is unfelt, unreleased pain…it then becomes chronic suffering. Emotional pain that is felt and fully expressed is usually slowly released, and usually slowly heals, keeping the heart open rather than closing it, which is the most important point.

People who do not heal close their heart, they loose their “innocence”, their vulnerability, their presence, they become a protective shell inhabited by suffering and limiting thoughts about the past and the future.

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December 14, 2012

Sibila Reventlow

Dear Sophie,
THANK YOU for bringing it home to me that seeing is not judging.
Of course I knew this. And reading your words and this story made me relieve my versions of your process with this. It has sunken into a new level in me, that my seeing is not dangerous, inapropriate. necessarilly always unwelcome or unwanted.
And that I need to keep on learning when it is loving to say nothing. When it is loving to speak up truth. And if so, how to speak what is true in a loving way.
with a smile from Denmark,
Sibila

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December 14, 2012

SL

Dear Sibila,

Thank you for sharing this. You have no idea how this warms my heart 🙂

Enjoy a lovely Christmas in your beautiful country!

Lovingly,

SL

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December 16, 2012

Phoebe

Thank you, Sophie Lise! This was great to read, and these are very important points to share as we humans are so accustomed to lying about ourselves and life everywhere we go.

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January 30, 2013

Jon the mechanic

Sophie thank you for your story it was great. Sometimes I run into people that I went to church with years ago. They all ask me where I am going to church? I tell them I am not going to any church. Sometimes they will tell me about there church and how great it is and I should visit. I just ignore it rather then tell them I don’t believe in most of the things I use to teach. Because they would not recieve it, why because they have been taugh what is in the Bible is the word of God, And I am just deceive by the devil, and they will pray for me. The most dangerous thing is a closed mind. I know because I was once there. I thank my Father for my wife and here books and tapes.

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