Dealing with a harsh, sometimes cruel and
nearly always verbally aggressive person

ADVANCE REVIEW: “This piece is the most comprehensive “look” at this subject I have ever encountered…extremely insightful…right on the money, so to speak…very poignant, very sincere. I suspect Neale has had another ‘Conversation with God’…thank you!”

— from the Comment Section beneath this column

I had this interesting insight this morning: We’re all walking around trying to keep each other happy. I mean, on this planet. That’s all we’re trying to do is keep each other happy, so that we can keep each other in our lives. It’s about trying as hard as we can to avoid rejection. We don’t ever want to be alone again. We never want to be rejected again, because we think that’s going to lead to our being alone again.

We were rejected once—at least, that’s what we were told has happened, when God kicked us out of the Garden of Eden—and we have felt the sting of that ever since, the loneliness of that, the utter desolation of that. I call it the “Desolation of Isolation,” and we struggle mightily to never experience that again, because there is nothing worse than feeling rejected, pushed out, left to our own devices.

This is a repeat of the birth experience, and that is an experience we have never forgotten. We remember it at a cellular level. We remember being pushed out, left there, on our own. We’ve never forgotten that, and we never want to experience it again.

So we spend or lives trying to please each other, trying not to get rejected, even in the smallest ways. Now, if it happens that in our life we have been rejected, or have been “pushed out” of someone’s life—of the life of someone we’ve dearly and deeply loved—no matter how hard we’ve tried to please them…there’s almost no repair for that. We can eventually get past it, but we can never get over it.

This is the answer to the question, “What hurts you so bad that you feel you have to hurt me in order to heal it?” It may not even be us who did the original rejecting of another. They may feel so hurt by the original rejection wherever it came from that they have become bitter and angry with life at every level.

They think, So this is what happens when you allow yourself to love somebody!, and that are determined never to become that vulnerable again.

And so they armor themselves. And in some cases they do more than armor themselves. They embody the notion of preemptive strike. They lash out at anyone who shows them kindness, admiration, or affection—and especially if anyone tries to show them love.

When I was a child there was a song I heard a lot on the radio, sung by a group named the Mills Brothers. I remember the lyrics to this day.

“You always hurt the one you love, the one you shouldn’t hurt at all. You always take the sweetest rose and crush it ‘til the pedals fall. You always break the kindest heart with a hasty word you can’t recall. So if I broke your heart last night it’s because I love you most of all.”

And it’s not always only about armor. With some people—people who have been severely or repeatedly damaged—it’s also at some level about revenge. It’s about getting back at the world for how the world has treated them. And this kind of “pay back” is indiscriminate. Everybody is in the line of fire.

Harsh remarks are made. Cruel judgments are made. Cutting comments are made. “Corrections” are offered in the most searing, blistering, belittling ways. Tones of voice and facial expressions are mocked, often right in front of the other person. And if the “target” of such verbal aggression offers the tiniest protest, or displays the smallest sign of being hurt, the aggressor says, “Oh, come on, can’t you even take a joke?”

If someone else other than the “target” calls the verbal aggressor out, asking why they would say such a thing, the aggressor inevitably responds, “Hey, I call ‘em as I see ‘em.”  And if some other person says, “But you don’t have to do that. If you have judgments about others, fine. We all do. But you can keep them to yourself. You don’t have to announce it in public,” the verbal aggressor will respond, “I’m just telling the truth that no one else will say. Someone has to.”

In this, they see themselves as the Hall Monitor. They’ve been assigned the task of keeping everyone obeying the rules—and they won’t give anyone a “pass.”  If they catch you in the slightest infraction, they’ll call you on it. And if you say, “Wow, you don’t let anyone get away with anything, do you…? You know, you don’t have to notice and announce every single thing that you have a judgment about,” their defense and response is: “I hold in a lot more than I let out.”

And so we see a person who feels incredibly and unbelievably superior to the world around them, and just about everyone in it. Their kindest act is to “hold in” 90% of their comments and judgments. What you’re seeing in only the tip of the iceberg.

Ouch. They must be hurting really, really bad to have such an inner experience of everything they look at in life—even those they love.

Now not every person has experienced the hurt of birth’s trauma in this way. And not every person—even those who have, like most of us, experienced some rejection in their life by someone they loved—retreats to such a place of Arm & Attack. But when you meet someone who has retreated to that place, you will know it. You will be able to spot it a mile away, because they will be caustic and mocking and sometimes even directly and harshly critical of every fault and foible of others—and maybe even of you—right in front of you.

And the question then becomes: How to deal with such a person? How to respond?

You don’t want to just turn away and allow the behavior to continue (particularly if it is directed toward you), because this creates a wholly dysfunctional relationship with the other: An Aggressor/Surrender relationship that simply teaches the aggressor that unkind words and unkind behavior is going to continue to be accepted by you. And acceptance, of course, is all that the other person ultimately wants. It is rejection that they fear! So they will continue to accept in themselves the very behavior that they see others accepting in them.

That is the supreme irony.

And so, my own personal recommendation is that we lovingly and caringly, compassionately and patiently—but very honestly and directly—communicate with the verbally aggressive person exactly how they are being experienced by you, and then let them know that every time they foist their verbal aggression on you in the future, you are going to call them on it.

And if they continue to verbally attack you or those you love when they are around you, you will simply no longer have them around you. You will leave the room when they enter, and if you can’t easily and graciously leave, you will simply not interact with them in any important or meaningful way beyond common courtesy.

Then, you will do this: When they ask you (as they surely will), “Why are you always so cold and distant with me? If you’ve got something ‘going on,’ why don’t you just come out and say it?”, you will gently respond, “I have said it, dear one, I have said it. You have simply not taken it in. So I will say it again…

“You are not safe. You are too often unkind, too often harsh and cruel and mocking of others, and sometimes even of me, and I therefore find it more pleasant to not interact closely with you. We can be friends. We can always be friendly. But if you want us to be good friends, friends who want to spend time with each other, friends who have each other’s back, who can’t wait for the next interaction with each other, you will have to change those behaviors with me. I have a little slogan that I share with my friends: DON’T ATTACK. HAVE MY BACK.”

Then your opportunity is, at first, to forgive the other person, knowing and seeing the level of pain they are in that is causing their verbally attacking behavior, then moving even past Forgiveness, right straight to Understanding. Conversations with God says that when Understanding arrives, Forgiveness leaves. That is, the need to forgive another for anything leaves us the moment that we understand how it is possible that they could have done such a thing. And that understanding arrives the moment that we see the same behavior in ourselves.

Through the years I have learned that there is nothing another has done to me that I have not done to someone else, in some form or another. This is a second way of saying, “I possess every fault I find in you. I have committed every offense that I see you committing.”

This is True Understanding. And it is revealed when an even deeper comprehension arises: Every act is an act of love.

This is important to hear, this is vital to grasp, if you ever want to move into real Mastery.

There is no emotion other than Love. Conversations with God famously said, “Love is all there is,” and this is true. Every other emotion, or action arising from it, is an expression of love. Fear is an expression of love. Anger is an expression of love. Hatred is an expression of love. And yes, even violence is an expression of love. All of these are expressions of love—distorted expressions, for sure (remember I said that), but expressions nonetheless of love, and of nothing else.

Let’s test the theory.

If you did not love something, you would not be in fear of losing it, or not having it, or not ever getting it. The thief steals something he loves because he fears not ever having it otherwise. Thus, thievery is a distorted act of love. A person becomes angry as an outcry of love that says, “I don’t want this! I want what I love!” Hatred is likewise an even more distorted expression of love. Consider this: If you loved nothing, you would hate nothing. There would be no reason to. And, at its ultimate level of distortion, violence is an expression of love for something. It is our awareness of this very truth that allows us to justify violence, and even killing—as we do on this planet every day.

Knowing that every act is an act of love—for the Self or for another person, experience, or object—greatly increases our chance of understanding other people and their actions. The challenge then becomes how to stay in understanding—or at least its forerunner, forgiveness—without moving into dysfunction.

In the case of the person who is continually verbally attacking, dysfunction is when you allow that person to verbally aggress upon you and seem to be okay with it when you’re not—all so as not to “rile” the other any further; so as not to offend the one who is offending you.,

This is the height of dysfunction, and it appears in more marriages and more relationships than you might ever imagine. It shows up in such close interactions particularly because all of us are suffering the pain of Original Rejection, and the love of something we can’t have that we dearly want: ultimately, the end of Separation forever.

Yet when we tell a verbally attacking person how you feel about their constant verbal aggressions, it will serve us to not be verbally aggressive with them, but rather, to heed the words of one of my own life’s spiritual masters, Francis Treon, who taught: “Speak your truth, but soothe your words with peace.”

These things I have experienced being shared with me this morning, by the Source of Wisdom within. I share them with you in the spirit of togetherness, as we walk side-by-side along this road that we call Life. I hope you will Share with me your own insights, below.

Hugs and love…neale.

(The above is from the new book What God Said, due out in September from Penguin Putnam, and is part of a continuing series of commentaries by Neale Donald Walsch on the Conversations with God material.)

Comments

99 responses to “Dealing with a harsh, sometimes cruel and
nearly always verbally aggressive person”

  1. Marsha Avatar
    Marsha

    This is just what I have been asking for. I have a person in my life who I have tried to keep close to me even though they are hurtful. This is an answer to my prayer. I know that putting distance between us is the right thing but I have been trying not to hurt anyone but that just hurts me. This is the perfect way to explain with out blaming. Thanks.

  2. Mary Avatar
    Mary

    But what if that person is your boss & there are no other jobs available, and you cannot afford to just quit (walk away)?

  3. Luiza Avatar
    Luiza

    Thank you for this wonderful post! It has helped me enormously, to have more compassion and UNDERSTANDING. This is something that I have been dealing with in the past year, both with someone else, but also within myself. Now that I understand better what this has been about, I can move on more easily…
    THANK YOU!

  4. Christy Schwartz Avatar
    Christy Schwartz

    I am that. Thanks for sharing–needed a reminder.

  5. Michele Avatar
    Michele

    very insightful
    thank you for receiving and sharing neale
    your words cut through the confusion
    and those willing to accept will hear this passage and soar
    glad to have you

  6. Sandra Avatar
    Sandra

    thank you for this article. i am in a very similar situation and its difficult to know how to deal with that person who is being so hurtful.
    but the problem is that even if you tell that person that they are hurting you, they just dont change. they are programmed like that. its an inner anger they have or some distortion.
    if you can suggest other ways to handle a situation like this, i would appreciate. thanks.

  7. Alexia Avatar
    Alexia

    Dear Neale:
    I am very glad that you are encouraging the ones who are treated unkindly by our loved one and subject to verbal aggression to speak up. We have to make choices to show the other we will not tolerate this behavior and stating we will walk away consciously is a great handle. At least until they learn to treat us with respect and consideration. I do not agree though that every act is an act of love. In my opinion, the ones that are verbally aggressive are missing love in their lives and lash out to those who they perceive they do. And telling them so won’t help because they do not yet have that insight otherwise they would not do it.So verbal aggression is an act of fear not love. To forgive and walk away also is not always forgiveness but it is an act of fear. We have to stand up for ourselves, calmly and decisively especially when the aggression is unjust. This subject matter and question you brought up should be expanded on more and would love to hear your thoughts on how should teenagers react to bullying, which is also verbal aggression. Or verbal abuse and attacks by a parent when the son/daughter cannot walk away because financially unable to do so.

  8. Moi Avatar
    Moi

    Wow. I have been experiencing this and appreciate wholly your perspective as it lends more Understanding so I can move past Forgiveness <3 thank you. Namaste.

  9. Joy Scudder Avatar
    Joy Scudder

    Agree with the words of Francis Treon: “Speak your truth, but soothe your words with peace”… I would add ‘with detachment’. Detachment does not lessen my love; it frees my love to be Universal and all encompassing. Namaste’, NDW. You are loved and appreciated.

  10. Caron Avatar
    Caron

    Oh did this statement get to me “What hurts you so bad that you feel you have to hurt me in order to heal it?” It may not even be us who did the original rejecting of another. They may feel so hurt by the original rejection wherever it came from that they have become bitter and angry with life at every level. I have and still face this rejection from my mother and no matter how much I have loved a stick is always present to beat me no matter what. I have tried for over 50 years to heal her anger at me and yet she keeps rejecting me and I have to guard myself that I do not become like her and hurt other around me. And yet I should be the angry one, I was sexually abused as a child and as a mother she did nothing and I have learnt to forgive her and my abuser as I cannot allow them to have power in my life and yet when I try to talk to her and ask her to listen to my heart she always finds another stick. I have now thanked God for sending her as my mother and I will change nothing and am deeply grateful for my experiences of rejection throughout my life but have finally learnt to walk away but I know I still have separation issues and am really working at it and I thank you as another pearl of wisdom comes to me about separation.

  11. kerry Haley Avatar
    kerry Haley

    Very well said Neale. I have a daughter with Bipolar and she is like that everyday. It’s very hard to be around her. I’ve tried in the past to argue with her but it does’nt work. She wakes in the morning miserable and is in a state of constant negativity it is horrible to be in the same house with her. I feel my wellbeing is in a state of ‘”attack mode”..verbal and physical. I feel like a terrible mother not wanting to be around my child. She on top of the bipolar is 5 months pregnant and is’nt on her medication so I have to deal with her mood swings. I find it easier to just leave. I want a normal relationship with her it’s been fighting a loosing battle for 4 years. It is hard to deal with someone that is so mean, she has no filter. I forgive her because I know it is an illness and try to talk to her about it. I’ve even quoted passages from your books to her!! I know that to go at her from a place of love is the answer but it’s hard when she is so hateful. I feel like my positive energy is being sucked out of me when she is around, I feel like a mouse ready to get pounced on by the cat. I try and tell my self just love her and be there when she needs you, she is only 18 but she has the emotional mind of a child. so yes i do try and try to deal with her from a place of love but it is very hard. Your passage helped and will be getting the new book. currently reading What matters almost done love it..i just wish she would pick up just one of your books it would help her. Any advice you can give on dealing with emotional disorders would be great. Thank You for your wisdom and knowledge.

  12. John Coleman Avatar
    John Coleman

    Thanks man

  13. Heather Downey Avatar
    Heather Downey

    As is always the case, when I am going thorouh something and I ask for guidance, it is always provided. This is my current challenge! I am a soft sensitive loving peaceful person and my younger sister is my best friend and verbal abuser. Last weekend I finally did what you suggested above. She will attack over nothing and then pretend it is me who is misunderstanding her and taking things personally. I finally told her she was hurting me with verbal abuse and personal attack over nothing, and if she was going to continue I didnt want her to call me until that mood had passed. I had to finally tell her. I have kept my hurt to myself because of rejection fears, I live alone and am the oldest of 3 siblings, and I am harshly judged for loving my solitude and the fact that I can be comfortable in a house that is not always pristine. I love my own company and am happy. When she needs me she calls and pours out her heart and I am there for her. Otherwise she has no time for me. If I call her and bother her, verbal abuse begins. What you say above makes so much sense to me and helps me to understand why she is doing this and that it most likely has nothing to do with me personally, which she even said to me last weekend. “It is not personal”. I told her not to make it so personal and then I wouldnt take it that way. I agree with you that you need to have the courage to tell the abuser in a loving way that you won’t take it any longer because it is hurtful and it feels like an energetic attack as well as a verbal one. I have taken it because I love her and I have the Disease To Please the people I do have in my life, to avoid rejection. I relate to all that you said, you affirmed the action I have just taken, and helped me to understand why this happens. I am going to pass along to someone else I know who needs it. Thank you for being the vehicle to deliver the exact advice I needed at the perfect moment.

  14. Jean Avatar
    Jean

    Yes, but . . . What if the bully is a co-worker who you have to work with every day? What if that co-worker is a good friend of your boss?

    I have told this person, gently, that his/her behavior is not acceptable in a professional space. His/her response was to attack me even more, every day. Now I can be very Zen about it, and I have even laughed at their clumsy attempts to force me to be as hurt as they are, but the attacks continue. What is the next step?

  15. Kine Athene Aasheim Avatar
    Kine Athene Aasheim

    For me this was a daily basis thing..i experienced it all the time..
    Until i “saw” the true meaning of it all..first of all this was something i was suppose to experience to become where i am today..:)
    so i would like to say that i love my experience 🙂 made me see things so clearly.
    And the first thing i had to realise was that all things are out of love..nothing anyone does towards you are bad..nothing anyone does is bad
    someone might disagree wth me here, but that’s how i feel..
    How can anything, be anything but love..we are all love..everything is love..
    I have experienced alot of things in a short time here on this place,that some might say are bad.cruel,hurtful,decieving,hateful,violent..
    I say, it’s all love…
    Your soul is straight out of the purest love source, and so are everybody else.
    We are eachother..we mirror eachother..we breath, and live through eachother and through the source..
    You can ofcourse choose to tell someone that they hurt you or what you think about their way of being..but you know what..send them love..
    This is a part of their experience aswell 🙂
    and for me, what i saw was that the people that acted this way were feeling lost, alot of them needed to feel the love again..
    we all have that experience during our lives,one way or the other..
    Because we forget..we forget what we are..
    I chose to send the people around me love..and i thank them for what they give me..they give me a chanse to look, into myself..

    I love to read your books Neale..
    Conversations with God was the books i read through my awakening..
    And for me they became my way back..
    Don’t know if i reflected correctly on what you asked for here, but this just came out of my inner love when i read what you posted here.
    so guess that’s what’s right for me 🙂

    Much love to you..
    blessed be 🙂

  16. Cynthia Avatar
    Cynthia

    Someone very dear to me is experiencing verbal abuse by her husband. They both have a history of abuse. I find myself getting upset with her because she takes it and continues to stay with this man. I might add that she in return, out of her own defense then dishes it out as well. It seems to be escalating. They clearly don’t even like each other yet thay stay together. I don’t know how to help her. She asks me, yet finds excuses as to why she can’t or won’t leave. She has told me she would rather be with him then be alone. Her fear to be alone is stronger then her fear of him. I realize this is her choice. I find myself now getting angry and short with her. (It’s rare for me to get angry.) I distance myself but now I feel I am adding to her rejection. Now what?

  17. Steen Andersen Avatar
    Steen Andersen

    I saw on facebook you would like coments, and here is one,
    very very beautiful and true, in my mind, the things you wrote,
    and actually I learned to be even better to be lovefull,
    to me, and otheres, in a beautiful way <3

    thx for being who you are.

    You writings have made a HUGE diffrence
    in my life.

    Sincerally
    Steen.

  18. Amber Avatar
    Amber

    Hi Neale,

    I’ve found that it doesn’t help to tell the consistantly verbally aggressive person what’s going on. They tend to take everything said and turn it into something else to be aggressive with.

    From my perspective, I’ve seen my motivations for bringing up discussions about aggressive behavior with the person who is the aggressor as an unconscious attempt from my end to be kind, fair, and loving enough so that the other person will hear me, or love me, and stop being aggressive because they care. This need based motivation in me seems to feed a need for power that they perceive they get by holding my feelings hostage.

    I have yet to see one aggressive person receive a request for non-aggression, reasonableness and equinamity and then honor it.

    The only thing that I have found that works with a consistantly aggressive personality (not speaking of an average well meaning person who is having a really bad day) is to accept that I will never have a relationship based on care with them, and this is who they are. Once I accept it, I have to let go of any wishes I may have for things to be different, and stop giving my feelings over to them. Without mentioning why I am doing it, I withdraw my emotional investment with them, become cordial, light and even toned in any interactions with them, consciously accepting fully that I can not, at this time have anything deeper with that person.

    I doesn’t mean that I shun them, or am now bound to say “no” to any friendly invitations they might make, but only that I wholly let go and be honest with myself about where they are “at” in relation with me.

    I’ve noticed that any attempts at involving an aggressive person in changing how they behave towards me exacerbates the problem. But when I let go and allow the lack of closeness or caring to be what it is, it relaxes a little bit. And can even change on its own to a better relationship, as the other person begins to feel less threatened or imposed upon by my feelings or want of closeness. And certainly, I give them less openings for emotional power play games, and I feel more relaxed.

    The main problem, I think, for most people who want to be close in a world that does not, is that any attempt to change the other person is still only another kind of manipulation and non-acceptance. If the other person does not want to be close or caring, or is just really unable at this time, trying to talk them into it becomes a kind of passive aggression in and of its self.

    So, I just find other people I click with more naturally for the closeness I love and need in my life, and let the others be who they are right now.

  19. Christine Avatar
    Christine

    Dear Neale,

    This really hit home for me. Thank You.

    Christine <3

  20. Imani M Avatar
    Imani M

    This is the answer I have been searching for. I have struggled with the advice people offer when they say..do not let people walk over you..or treat you that way. I appreciate this piece because it helps me to shift my paradigm and choose a healthier way to deal with the people in my life who express themselves with harshness and aggressiveness. I find it too easy to get emotionally wrapped up and respond with the same aggressiveness, in order to get my point through or to go quiet. My new choice is to go within and stay centred on peaceful words and express how i feel when the person has lashed out at me. I always knew it was from their place of pain, but now i have a strategy to deal with them.

  21. Theresa Thompson Avatar
    Theresa Thompson

    Thank you, so much for your beautiful insight..This came just at the right time for me as I am experiencing this with another right now..and the attacks on me are getting out of hand, and I wasn’t sure how to handle things graciously, as all I wanted to do was attack back, but I know that would just fuel the fire.

    Blessings Neale, from my heart to yours

  22. Judy Avatar
    Judy

    I can’t tell the other person how I feel, and I’m quite frankly done with that part of it. Can’t get a word in through the screaming, and if I try to say something his yapping over comes my voice and he hears ‘nothing’. When then do you “speak your words with truth”? You don’t! because there is no words you can say when the verbal attacking is over your own voice.. ignored not heard!

    I think what you say here is good for people that have to deal with a verbally abusive person in the world.. with people not living with you.

    But, I think it’s entirely different when someone lives with you.

    Yeah I’m living with this now, on about a daily basis.
    It’s tit for tat time babe!! what comes around goes around.. I’m just beginning!!

    A person can only give the ‘silent treatment’ for so long.. till things are forgotten about and life goes on.
    But really, what message are you sending the person when you suddenly start speaking to them again?

    You send them the message that the way they treated you was OK. It’s not OK. So my game now is what goes around comes around!

    He wants to verbally attack me,, I’m pretty witty.. I can send what I receive in a heart-beat! I have no place to turn to, no place to go, no finances to help me.

    I’m not done.. he’s teaching me well!

  23. Marie Avatar
    Marie

    What if the cruel, bitter, meanie is your Mother? I know she felt rejected by her own mother and was always jealous of the relationship her brother had with their mother. But why must she take it out on the rest of us? I’m tired of dealing with her rantings and lies. And I’m tired of walking on eggshells wondering what will set her off next. A long time ago I made up a mantra to help myself cope with her bad behavior, it goes like this, “there’s nothing I can do, about my mother’s loose screw”. I have had to distance my heart from her as sometimes she can be supportive & other times degrading and cruel. It’s not just me. She has lost friends because of her “Jekyl & Hyde behavior”. There have been many times where one or the other of her family members didn’t speak to her for long periods of time. Then she will call or show up & try to pick up like it never happened. Never has there been any sort of an apology for making a scene or mean & rotten things she has said. It seems like she may be bi-polar but she doesn’t see the problem as her own. My own daughter feels sorry for me that I don’t have the same close relationship with my own mother that she & I have. Somehow I still find it difficult to stop seeking her approval, yet I have enough trouble “honoring” her let alone loving her and that makes me feel very guilty.

  24. joann Avatar
    joann

    I had a x husband and a son who continues to be very verbally abusive, mostly to women but seems to find fault with everone and everything. Your comments were enlightening as all your words are. Your books helped me so much when I left a very ridged religion although learned very much history of the Bible met many nice people and probably was were I was supposed to be at the time.

  25. Joan Avatar
    Joan

    I told a “close” verbal abuser that his comments were hurtful to me. He did indeed respond with a version of I was too sensitive. I informed him that perhaps I was sensitive but now he was aware that his actions were hurting me and from that point on we would both know that he was making the choice to hurt me.
    It helped for a little while but this behavior was habitual and deeply ingrained. It returned now armed with my vulnerability.
    The healing came when I stopped looking outside myself for change. I was not a victim but a (passive) volunteer. I eventually chose to see this person as a hurting child of God. But that I wasn’t comfortable being intimate on any level (emotional, spiritual or physical). There are no “have to”s. As an adult, I had the freedom and ability to redefine the nature of our relationship. It clearly wasn’t a safe, loving one. I know where my clear boundaries are.

  26. Anonymous Avatar
    Anonymous

    @Christine – I completely agree with you hun. I’ve also tried adlib to get aggressive people to back off, nothing works. So I too walked away and just let it go. Avoiding negative people in the first place works for me. As well as having eyes wide open for anyone that might be that way in future. I just run in the opposite direction.

    @Joann – my mother is like that too. An extremely suppressive person, and I can never do anything right, ever. It’s very very difficult to deal with and it’s getting worse as she gets older. I just don’t want to be around her. The guilt in walking away from your mother despite the teachings of CWG is something I have not mastered yet and causes me much pain.

  27. Solange Dufourq Avatar
    Solange Dufourq

    Thank you for sharing this with us… As always, at the right moment… I am aware that aggressiveness is fear… But it seems I forgot that fear is love as well. My kids are constantly hurt verbally & emotionally by their father; I’ve talked to them and explained that it is just fear, that he loves them. But this article comes in very handy. I hope they will want to read it; they are 14 and 12… But this could change their perception.

    Thanks for Being; and for doing what you do with so much bravery and love. I bless the day I was able to receive your books into my life. Namasté

  28. Anonymous Avatar
    Anonymous

    I have read 14 of the CWG books and “awoke” about 10 years ago already – yet I have still not mastered the art of total acceptance and gratitude for every horrible person that comes your way. It ends in tears for me every time. Reading this makes me feel like you need to be super human to achieve this Divinity level; it can be very disheartening sometimes. I am very conflicted about this subject specifically and there needs to be much more written and discussed about it I think.

  29. Allan F. Wier II Avatar
    Allan F. Wier II

    Thanks for the reminder Neale, I appreciate it. It enables me to step away from my fearful reaction to violent aggression and confront it from a place that is closer to pure love than fear.

  30. Susan Collins Avatar
    Susan Collins

    Thank you Neal. I have two of these people in my family. They support each other in this energy and have torn the family apart with their cruelty and vandal mentality. Your article is confirming and gives me strength to re-frame the situation.

  31. Karla Avatar
    Karla

    I am that person you are talking about
    I am much much more aware
    But sometimes I lose it with the very person I most love
    What can I do to heal from this

  32. Deborah Avatar
    Deborah

    Your suggestions are very well taken. I am dealing with someone like that in my life. My grandson’s father. He is not married to my daughter because she ,eft him for being abusive both physically and verbally. I don’t allow him to visit my house to pick up or drop off his son because I don’t trust him. He has accused me if child abuse and threatened to report me. The idea was a delusion put in his mind because he is sick. He has done this to other care takers and his accusations have never been justified. I understand why he is the way he is and I pray for him daily. He needs therapy. So, I stay away from him. I know he is in my life for a reason but I don’t think that my soul supports us having a close relationship. I have compassion and love for him but I won’t interact with him on a personal level because he is abusive. I won’t allow myself to be abused.

  33. Haya Avatar
    Haya

    Greetings Neal,

    The theory that you present is very much accurate in terms of understanding and forgiveness. If the Aggressor is in the moment of understanding rather then seeking to “Gain” more power over others– in this case you mentioned that the aggressor is in a state of mind that allows for them to maintain the “flow” of not having to be alone or ever rejected. The aggressor seems to harness a feeling that they are seeking for love, yet thinking of ways to control the love that they seek in fear of never losing in the game of love…

    I encountered a similar situation less then 24 hours ago, where I had decided to be the observer of the aggressor and step away. Accepting the reality of it, as you mentioned above “Harsh remarks are made. Cruel judgments are made. Cutting comments are made. “Corrections” are offered in the most searing, blistering, belittling ways. Tones of voice and facial expressions are mocked, often right in front of the other person.” I realized that when the oppressed gives feed back to these behaviors in a loving manner, the aggressor continues to test the limit of how to control the moment and stay superior to the environment in which both parties agree to be involved in.

    However, I think that the aggressor has the capacity of watering the seed of the heart in order to flower by shifting every cell and sight in the present reality and accepting for others to love them. The key point here for the aggressor is to Accept!
    If acceptance was to be imagined as a door that did not have a door knob at all and has not had one after that door decided to shut. The aggressor in this case can imagine a door with a knob with out a lock, the door of the heart will always be open for life to love the life they live.
    For the ice that is in the heart can turn into water and give nourishment to the body, mind, and soul. The aggressor. The Lover.

  34. mewabe Avatar
    mewabe

    This is an interesting, every day life topic.

    I am not sure that generalizations can be made about aggressive behavior. I have encountered many, and all are different.

    I agree with understanding that such behaviors usually come from pain, from need, from trauma.

    Many people who have been abused, for example, unconsciously attempt to recreate the dynamics of abuse.

    But if there is one thing that I learnt, and it was a very difficult lesson, it was that nothing happens by accident.

    We only encounter individuals who all have something to contribute, to give us, and to whom we can give something as well. We only interact with people with whom we resonate, positively OR NEGATIVELY.

    I can say this with certainty: THE AGGRESSOR ALWAYS TOUCHES ON SOMETHING INSIDE OF US THAT NEEDS HEALING.

    It takes courage to look at it this way, to understand our own inner wounds, our own unresolved issues, our own strange vulnerabilities, our “buttons” or “triggers”.

    Many aggressors seem to have an uncanny intuitive ability to zero in on another person’s utmost vulnerability. Like a predator smelling blood, they target another person’s open wounds.

    They don’t even know why they do it, they are just driven to do so, sometimes simply because they sense something within us that they unconsciously hate within themselves, and attempt to suppress that which is within them by attacking and suppressing it outside of themselves, in others.

    In a way, they are doing us a great service: they point out what we are afraid to face within ourselves, and I am not talking about character traits or personality, but about issues that our best friends would not bring up for fear of alienating us.

    So walking away completely is not always the best solution, unless we have finally come to a place of complete inner healing, when the aggression no longer affects us, and all we see is the suffering of the aggressor, and all we feel is compassion.

    When we do not look at it this way, particularly in the context of close relationships, we fail to see the healing potential for each partner, as each partner reflects the other like a PERFECT mirror, and we then tend to look at reality in terms of black and white…one is the angel, the other person is a demon, one is the victim, the other the victimizer…and the angel walks away from the demon, the victim from the victimizer, and neither has learnt much about himself/herself.

    Yet we will continue to be challenged by life and by others as long as we have not healed, as long as we still carry some open wounds, have some unresolved issues, which are to some people as a bull’s eye on our own forehead saying “hit me right there”.

    And the irony is, if we choose the path of healing, some of these aggressors have the potential to end up being more beneficial to our own growth and inner healing than the best of our friends…so we can actually be very grateful to them in the end.

    EVERYTHING THAT WE ENCOUNTER IN LIFE IS A GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY FOR DEEPER SELF-KNOWLEDGE, for self-understanding, and for profound healing, unless we refuse to use the opportunity and choose to walk away from discomfort, and only accept the sweet and gentle, and refuse the bitter or sour and harsh, at which point we stunt our own growth.

  35. Rich Bojack Avatar
    Rich Bojack

    I have practiced this in my life from a level of ignorance, but will now in the future be present and mindful with the way I communicate with people. Thanks Neale. Very insightful for me.rich. Australia.

  36. debbie howard Avatar
    debbie howard

    WOW !!! I really loved this. You sure answered my question on this subject. It seems the most places you encounter people like this seem to be at work. God knows I have had my share. I know I dont want to be this way, but neither do I want to add more pain to their pain. Thanks Neale. <3 Debbie Howard <3

  37. Liam Cawley Avatar
    Liam Cawley

    Thanks Neale,
    I am in a relationship like this. I ask myself constanly “is it me? I have attracted this, so I am responsible for it” then I surrender and allow the abuse. I know Conversations with God states we should count ourselves among those we love and that in relationship we must be self centered but I find it so hard to follow this treaching no matter how true it is. I wish it didn’t have to be this way. I believe as I spoke that we all attract this on an subconsious level and it id the simple law of cause and effect. I ask myself “why does this come to me and not another?” Yet we can’t help ourselves by surrendering to every negativity thrown at us I guess. I believe it takes great courage to stand up for ourselves. The grestest courage of all.

  38. Angela Avatar
    Angela

    Thank you for this reminder Neale. In my love relationships, I have come to the realisation that there is a point where the most appropriate reaction to repeated behaviour which is unkind, abrupt, thoughtless or lacking in integrity, it to remove myself from that person. A friend told me once that this is the difference between expectations and boundaries: boundaries is when you do not absorb the negative consequences of another’s behaviour for them. It can be hard though, when your initial urge is to protect those you love.

  39. Pat Avatar
    Pat

    Thanks for writing this. I’ve been with someone who has been frankly, exceptionally horrible to me, while I watch in dismay as his conversations with others are normal.

  40. Lynn Avatar
    Lynn

    What if the person who verbally abuses you/others is a manager and you have talked with her boss, and the head boss says, that’s the way she runs the place and she says the manager is always right. We must do as she asks w/o complaint or get fired for not doing as she asks.

  41. Marian Avatar
    Marian

    Thank you, thank you, thank you, Neale. I gave been having the ‘what do I do about this problem?’ conversation for a while now. You have given me the answer, you have given me hope. Thank you, again.

  42. Edward Bufe Avatar
    Edward Bufe

    “Speak your truth, but soothe your words with peace.” This might be a terrifying thing to try but when it works it will make life and living it, a wonderful adventure. Blessings to ALL those in turmoil. We will only know, when we try. Oceans of Love, Leonie.

  43. Ruth Avatar
    Ruth

    Wished I had seen this yesterday when I desperately needed it. Today, a branch in the family is broken and plastered all over facebook for analysis and input into how wrong I was for defending myself and saying enough is enough, if I had read this first I would have approached it differently 🙁

    Only because I’m spending the day self analysing I see myself at times be both persons in Neale’s description, how can I rectify that? Sometimes, I offer *suggestions* which are interpreted as *corrections* and definitely not in a scathing, belittling manner.

    Thanks Neale, for always addressing what needs to be addressed!

  44. Carol Skelton Avatar
    Carol Skelton

    I have been focusing on myself, instead of the motivation of the other who is being abusive. How do I want to respond. It’s another opportunity to stand up in a way that reflects the best of me. I have spent too much of my life focusing on the other person and ignoring my part. And how I participate is the only thing I have any power over. I am turning 60 in February and Its been along time since I felt this good about being who I am. Thank you Neale your God words have really led and guided me thru this transformation.

  45. Nancy Avatar
    Nancy

    Dear Neale,
    Thank you, Thank you, thank you for writing on this topic. I am sure I am not alone when I say I have exprienced this time and time again. My mom was one of those mean people and sice then I have had many of them in my life.I have spent So much of my talking in therapy, and learning to be assertive, finding my voice. I have spent a good deal of trial and effort learning to take care of myself in these kinds of situations.

    I have been terrified of “Mean People”. I am one of those sensitive, empathic people, I am currently working as an Artist, Healer, Medium. So my sensitivities have served me, and many other souls quite well. it’s just that my fear, that I will not survive if I am under attack (a mom thing, it’s hard to get through life with a mean mom) that each situation with a “mean” person in the past brought me back to the original panic I experienced.

    I also had tied in non assertive, acquiescent behavior with spirituality. I am in the process of breaking that belief as well as distancing myself form people that constantly hurt me. Hearing you talk openly about speaking your truth and creating distance from a painful person is heartening.

    Even though all of us are suffering from what you call the original rejection, we are also created, or designed to function as a “pack” or a tribe. Historically, Social Rejection from the tribe and its resources can cause unbelievable hardship even death. So a pecking order is often established through acts of violence, even today even though the violence isn’t as overt. What you, God, Higher consciousness call for here is living a life of compassion, building a tribe with love and awareness. think folks can do that?

    When I face myself in the mirror, I remind myself I am not alone, and I open my heart to feel the love form the highest source, this love is my protection. Ultimatly It has been through building my relationship with Spirit, That I have found my voice to speak the truth. I am so happy to hear a spiritual person talk about the more seamy sides of living life. I have often felt I didn’t belong so well in the “spiritual” communities because the rosey outlook and “light” were something I could live up to. If you would please keep it real and this specific in your book, just like this article, It would be very helpful, indeed

  46. Linda Avatar
    Linda

    Wow, here is my answer!!!!
    I woke up at 6.00am this morning with a question on my mind about anger and hurt from a family member. Last night I was lead to a website called “Changing Change Network!” after ready “The only thing that matters”. After reading the book I am trying hard to come from the soul and not the mind but I still have some issues. I went into the website “Changing Change Network!” and enrolled as a member to post a question about dealing with anger, then my mind got in the way and I introduced myself and decided against posting my question. I felt uncomfortable all evening, and woke extremely early this morning and logged on ready to post the question.
    Guess what??? I arrived here before doing so, and here is my answer. Its true what the book says “The only thing that matters”, I have lent it to a friend at the moment, but when it returns it will be my bible. Thank you Neale please do not ever stop guiding us.Looking forward to What God Said.

  47. Astrid Oliveras Avatar
    Astrid Oliveras

    Neale, thank you for sharing this with us. I read your book, Conversations with God, years ago. Now I read this and want to comment to you that, I have a dysfunctional relation with my younger sister for years, and more than a year ago we had an argument in a Sunday visit to our mother and father. This started after she tell me something regarding my only marriage (with an alcoholic) 20 years ago, that only lasted for 11 months. She is one year younger than me and never been married, and we do not get along for years. After this visit, my mother prefer now that I visit them during the week, and now my relation with my younger sister (that asked this), my mother, my father (that is silent about this) and my only brother, that I see him mainly on those Sunday`s visits, is not good. I only get along well with my older sister and her family. I saw my younger sister in your article, because for me she is harsh, cruel, verbally aggresive and always says ‘can’t you event take a joke?’ On December 25, she visited our nephew with my parents and we did not said neither hello, nor good bye, in front of the entire family. One of the things that my mother said was that she do not want that we visit her funeral (whenever that is), if we do not talk now, but she was the person that was the ‘messenger’ between the two of us, because at that moment she was thinking that in this way, she can deal with our problems. I know this sound bad, but needed to comment on your article. Thank you

  48. Brenda M Avatar
    Brenda M

    Thank you so much for this! I was beginning to think that there were only a few of us going through this stuff. I live with this every day! He hates almost everyone. The wrong color – the wrong religion – my brother – my brother-in-law – my other brother – my sister – my friend. He’s mean and rude to them, and I can’t even mention their name or I have to listen to him rant and rant – or we watch a show on tv all the time – then all of a sudden he doesn’t like someone on it – so we can’t watch it anymore – then another show – then another one. Or a girl in a department store doesn’t know where something is at, and he is mean rude or the waitress forgets something and on and on. One minute we are talking away about something, and I say the ‘wrong’ thing, and he is mad. He gets mean and says mean and nasty things then 1/2 hour later, he asks what is the matter. If I explain, he gets mad again and justifies the exact same thing again. If I walk away and leave it – I basically then am giving in to him, but (should never use the word – but), it makes him easier to live with. Sorry for this run on here, just needed to vent a bit. We definitely need stuff like this. Naele have most of your books and read them over and over. I love them..

    BRENDA…Show this man this article! Some people simply need to ‘wake up’ to what they are doing, and how they are affecting others. Best thoughts…Neale.

  49. Stephen Avatar
    Stephen

    My life experience began to change when I began studying “A course in miracles”. Accepting that I chose what I perceive and that I can change that has altered the way I see my “tyrannical” partner . what she does or says is her business and doesn’t have to affect my inner sense of peace . The hall monitor behavior really only bothers me when I’m tired or preoccupied and even then I realise I’ve slipped back into default mode . I recover in minutes instead of the days it used to take. As I have moved to much happier place so almost by magic my partner has softened and takes more responsibility for her self . I believe any change we experience only comes from practicing what we chose to feel in ourselves

  50. John Ernest Conner Avatar
    John Ernest Conner

    This piece is the most comprehensive “look” at this subject I have ever encountered…extremely insightful…right on the money, so to speak…I struggle greatly with this personality type, both in myself and others. I am frequently torn between the seemingly cliche’ sayings regarding this subject i.e. “let go and let god”, “what you resist, persists”, or “acceptance is the answer to all my problems today” ad nauseam…very poignant, very sincere, I suspect Neale has had another “Conversation with God”…thank you!

  51. Inger Lise Avatar
    Inger Lise

    Hello, is it not a proverb telling of “all roads leading to Rome”(at least from the time of the roman empire).
    An aside note: We are all borned with the Free Will, and to me it is an important “point.”
    Luckily of me to have been borned with tolerant parents who never talked about religion at all, they gave me and the siblings freedom of to choose by ourselves.
    It was ME, by the free will, begun of to go to Church. As the years have passed by quitting doing it, for what reason do not know. As the religion(s) and the state-Churches have become more and more liberal is it many nice folks there as well.
    No matter of us “to be” is it the manyfold of the experiences, and not two of us alike(or the same).
    We`ll have to go on unto the many “levels.”

  52. Natasha Nobre Avatar
    Natasha Nobre

    Thank you Neale for this wonderful article.
    It makes perfect sense.

    What I find with much of your work, is that it has allowed me to see everything as I once saw it from the eyes of a child. I remember these thoughts as I was growing up, but the illusion of adult life steered me away from what I knew was true.
    I find now, that I have to remind myself of this illusion everyday. I know I can change my thoughts and feelings (therefore my experience of things) whenever I so please, and must remember to do this in all circumstances – whether it be a challenging or enlightening time.
    It takes dedication and hard work of the mind, but I will surely get there.

    Thank you for everything you have done to help me along my spiritual journey thus far.

    Natasha x

  53. April Avatar
    April

    Great advice and insight. but, could you expland a little on how to deal with someone like this at work when you must sit next to them daily and have tried all the above.

  54. Cindy ( Aka Tru ) Avatar
    Cindy ( Aka Tru )

    It truly is a blessing that I’ve come across this at this very point in time, because I have a friend in my life that I actually had confronted about this very thing. And I was saddened by how I handled it, thinking that I may have been too harsh in telling her that I can’t be around her when she is being like that. But I see this as telling me that it’s okay that I find it’s not acceptable to expose myself to her negativity, anger and even hatred. So, it would seem now, that I will not have this friend in my life right now for this reason….She has to walk her own path, I just can’t walk down that path with her. And it’s all okay. I know she, like all of us will eventually get to where we are going on our respective journeys. I just choose to not keep “chasing my tail” and “wandering in the woods” seemingly getting no where. I want to get back to and stay on the path that is best for me to get to where I want to go…and that is not on the same path as this person who choose to not be willing to work through her anger/hatred issues. But, I’m wondering now too…am I being judgmental of her in this, and perhaps too much so? Or, am I just observing what I see as something that I can honestly admit that I feel not yet strong enough to be able to withstand and not allow anyone’s negative emotions and reactions to affect me? These are my thought provoking questions, and I’m just glad that the subject was brought up and this is part of the Answer that God is communicating to me, or it would seem to be to me anyway. With that, I can say that I can ask for God/Universe/All that is to bless my friend on her journey, and if we should never speak to each other again from here, then that is what is best right now.

    Thank you Neale, for tackling this subject. Again, it’s perfect timing, and something I really needed to read right now.

  55. Carol Avatar
    Carol

    Thank you, Neale. I love your books, and am currently reading The Storm Before the Calm. Your comments above perfectly describe my relationship with an older sister, who has made it her life’s mission to belittle, make me invisible, sabotage, take credit for anything I did, and create havoc in my life…until one episode ten years ago when she nearly destroyed my relationship with my grown son. At first I just kept a great distance between us, and just like you mentioned in your article…she finally approached me and asked why I wasn’t communicating with her. I told her kindly, but factually what she had done and that I would not have any more to do with her if she continued this behavior. She denied the behavior, so we have had little contact in the last decade. This means I have had to back away from my dear nieces and their families also, as this is their mother and they have no idea what happened…only their mother’s version. And I will not hurt them by saying things about their mother, as I love these young ladies. It’s a catch 22 situation, and I’m not sure how to heal this. My husband’s family is such a loving family, bless them, that they have become my family. I know my sister and I were raised by parents that were little equipped to be emotionally available to their children, so we grew up like a pack of wild puppies fending for ourselves…but we are all grown up now (my sister and I are in our 60’s) and I just keep praying she will do some self examination some day. She has driven away all her siblings by her behavior. Neale, your article awoke in me a need to work on this again. But frankly, I am afraid of her. Thank you for all your lovely words that inspire me to continue to evolve to my best.

  56. Inger Lise Avatar
    Inger Lise

    Do not know if what am telling now have to do with the books of Neale, but at least it is a common thread.
    Came to be thinking about the Quakers today. I do not know much about them, but have “googled” the history of theirs.
    At least to know of they have got the Nobel Peace-prize in 1947 for the humanitarian work. As far as to know right now is it approximately 300 of them in Norway only, but WHERE they are have not a clue….But in U.S.A., is it many more of them. Do they working silently behind “the scenes”? The Salvation Army all of us knowing on a world basis as of to do the humanitarian work, but never heard anybody telling of to be “an Quaker.”
    According to the conviction of the Quakers …. God is inside(within)all of us. And they have no leader, or Priests, as such but their own “inner” voice(which is God). They will be pacifists of course, and all violence is “out of the question.” Do not know exactly how many Quakers it is on a world-basis?
    When of they gathering, sitting in silence of the meditation/contemplation.
    It began in England in 1691, according to the dictionary of mine.

  57. mewabe Avatar
    mewabe

    It is a very rare case of a person being totally innocent and the other being a total abusive jerk. It does happen, in which case separation from such person is absolutely necessary, and there are no valid reason to pretend or to strive to remain friends, people can simply choose neutrality, which seems more appropriate and real (neither friends nor enemies…parting in peace).

    I have heard many people complaining about the behavior of others…in almost all cases, they left out their own part, choosing to see themselves as victims instead, and choosing blame.

    Unless a person is pathologically, chronically abusive, most aggressive, offensive, angry behaviors or words come from hurt. If the person is psychologically and emotionally healthy, or not quite yet but open to healing, then all that is required is to help them get to the source of the hurt if they are willing, and the problem is solved.

    If a person chooses instead unhappiness and hostility, and nothing can break through the wall of psychological defenses, then all we can do is see this person as psychologically wounded beyond repair, at least in this life time…another life, and s/he will have another opportunity to heal.

    We should not see anyone as our enemy though…no one is. We should not respond to attack with defense…instead, as Neale suggests, it is better to respond to it with a deeper understanding: all attacks come come suffering.

    The problem here, as with all “should”, is this: we are all wounded, to varying degree, which is why the dynamics of attack and defense control many of our thoughts and behaviors no matter how much we know better. There is always a gap between the theory and the practice, which is why so many think that spiritual choices entail some much “work”.

    SO THE ULTIMATE SOLUTION INSTEAD SEEMS TO BE TO UNDERSTAND THAT SOME OF THESE DIFFICULT, CHALLENGING INTERACTIONS WITH OTHERS ARE PERFECT, IDEAL OPPORTUNITIES FOR THE HEALING OF OUR OWN WOUNDS.

    THERE ARE GIFTS, ACTUALLY, perfectly given to US by US. And it is foolish to ignore and reject them as if they came from a hostile universe.

  58. mewabe Avatar
    mewabe

    I wanted to add that yes, there is such a thing as a birth trauma that, it has been found, can actually affect the subsequent development of the brain. Trauma can even occur before birth…a stressed mother will affect her child in the womb in ways that last a lifetime.

    But this is a very complex topic, that cannot be glanced over so rapidly. There are many forms of cumulative traumas, and there are many other issues that can affect a person’s ability to deal with life.

    When it come to pain or suffering and healing, no one has the ultimate answer, especially not a blanket answer that fits all individuals…only the individual has the answers, all these answers are imprinted in her or his own brain, and all are unique.

    Which is why ACTUAL HEALING CANNOT HAPPEN THROUGH SPIRITUAL TEACHING ALONE…because no healing can be “taught”, it can only be individually experienced, and the path IS ALWAYS WITHIN, and ALWAYS TOTALLY UNIQUE.

    What works for me will not work for you, and it would be madness or great arrogance for me to think otherwise.

  59. Marko Avatar
    Marko

    Hurt people hurt. Healed people heal.

    Often people don’t realize that some people can’t deal with the peace even when offered.

    They are so use to the dysfunction that they continue their abusive ways accept when others don’t allow them to. Foster kids brought to loving homes sometimes start fires. Not because they are ill treated, but because they are simply not use to so much peace & have to create chaos because that’s whats normal to them.

    The entire issue here is one of communication. Violent communication is what we are taught by default of not having better role models in family, society or media.

    However:

    There is a fantastic book that addresses this & here it is.

    Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
    Marshall B. Rosenberg
    http://www.amazon.com/Nonviolent-Communication-Language-Marshall-Rosenberg/dp/1892005034

    Magically,
    -Marko

  60. Laura Pringle Avatar
    Laura Pringle

    Mewabe,

    Your comments really resonated with me. I have come to similar conclusions after years of experiences and reflection. I have also found that studying people’s astrology charts to be an extremely useful tool in pinpointing the specific energies which are not in harmony or in need of acceptance or healing.

  61. mewabe Avatar
    mewabe

    Thank you Laura…yes astrology is fascinating. We are more complex beings, and more connected to everything, than most of us can presently understand.

    Thank you for the book suggestion Marko.

    I think that the acceptance of the fact that we are all wounded is the first step towards healing…towards compassion and understanding, towards ourselves and others.

    We can all heal as much as we choose, as with anything else…like when swimming in the ocean: we can stay near the shore where the water is shallow, and be satisfied with that, or go to where we encounter the greatest depths, it all depends how far we want to go in this lifetime.

    But other people and life itself will always give us perfect feedback: it will reflect where we are very accurately.

  62. mewabe Avatar
    mewabe

    About healing: nothing can be generalized…each individual is different, each life is unique.

    But…it could be say…that we can only heal as much as we are willing or ready to love.

    And…it could be said…that we can only love as much as we are willing to feel and experience need.

    Need, this most humbling and tyrannical of feelings, this great relationship destroyer, seems to be universal…many experience it, in themselves and/or in others.

    Such need cannot be dismissed, because it is mostly rooted in lack of fulfillment, going back to childhood (not from a “separation from God”, not necessarily from the original separation from the mother through birth, but from the lack of fulfillment of the needs of a child-for love, security and stability, acceptance, etc-by parents…from a very mild to a severe degree).

    When such need is present it is not a choice, it is not a belief, it is a psychological imprint that goes back to our early years. And so it cannot be simply discarded through adopting new choices or beliefs.

    Such need is like a doorway…it cannot be talked out of existence by any spiritual teaching or pseudo “talk” therapy….one has to go THROUGH IT (through the feeling) in order to move BEYOND IT.

    This is a difficult journey, that require unflinching courage, great humility and honesty towards oneself.

    All that we encounter in life, positive or negative, is, once again, a perfect reflection of our own present inner reality, and opportunities for healing abound and will never cease, because we keep creating them until we are finally healed.

    So it would be detrimental to see these opportunities as mistakes or failures, or as outside aggressions.

  63. Marko Avatar
    Marko

    Mewabe you made some great points earlier. I’m glad there is a lot of feed back on this. It’s an important issue.

    I think the book not only addresses this but it might end up required reading for anyone in public office as well as individuals.

    Magically,
    -Marko

  64. mewabe Avatar
    mewabe

    Thank you Marko…I will check this book out.

  65. Inger Lise Avatar
    Inger Lise

    Ditto Marko, thank you.
    And everything Mewabe telling have been the own experience as well. Thanks a lot.
    Giving thanks to Neale as well as of him have given us the opportunity of “to talk.”

  66. Kristen Avatar
    Kristen

    A great ‘learning’ is that the word AT is generally short for ATTACK. Even if someone talks AT me, not to or with me, they will only get one of two responses. One is seeing my back, and the other a blank bored stare of disinterest. Either way, when they are ready to grow up, and decide if what they actually want to discuss is worth doing on my terms, then I will listen. I own my freewill, I own my respect, I own my ears and I own my thoughts. No-one has the right to impose their attacks, disguised as conversation upon me.

    Judy – Personal strength is a huge gift others give you. Take it from him. Law of Transcendence.

  67. Erin/IAm Avatar
    Erin/IAm

    Neale…you have obviously touched on a much needed subject, once again. Awesome responses! 🙂

    idk…Ever since accepting the gift of “I send you nothing but Angels”, I have had little ‘problem’ in this aspect of dealing with being human. It has been useful, rather than hearing the words that some dish out without brain & heart in gear, to See…What is this person reflecting of me, & how can I See this person as an ‘Angel’? What can I give them in this moment so that I may be an Angel to them?
    One cannot be ‘hurt’ when one is seeking to become of Self in processes…the connect is not through words, it’s deeper than them. Tho, like I said…idk…this works for me.

    **Anyone notice how ‘Bi-polar’ has risen over the last years? I see this as a wake-up connection, as Earth is in Her own ‘polar shifting’ in these moments. Anyone notice that other creatures are, as well, reflecting similar, abrupt ‘changes of attitude’? Just an observe.

    Blessed are our mirrors.
    Good Journey! 🙂

  68. *lisa* Avatar
    *lisa*

    So much has been said that it’s not necessary for me to reiterate. Mewabe, marko, erin, inger, kristen, I always love reading your posts.

    People do perpetuate their own cycle of abuse and suffering, in mostly unconscious ways. At work I interact with the same people, over and over again, who re-enact that same play, the same scenario, again and again with slightly differing details or triggers resulting in the same painful drama.

    A wise man once said that the definition of insanity is doing that same thing over and over and expecting different results. Expectation is key. What do we expect for our lives? Be careful, because what you expect you get.

    Everyone seemed so humdrum about the build up and let down that the world did not end or go into chaos on december 21st. I will tell you this, something happened in my life, my marraige, that to many would seem negative (nothing too horrific, but all the same) on that day. However, upon reflection and a re-reading of my morning pages, I got exactly what I’ve been asking for, secretly, in a positive way. Initially, it cracked me wide open, dropped me to my knees. But it forced change and I faced the uncomfortableness of truth about my own fears of rejection, in a most magical and magnificant way. For me, 12/21/12, was a beginning, a day of change, of moving toward wholeness.

    “SO THE ULTIMATE SOLUTION INSTEAD SEEMS TO BE TO UNDERSTAND THAT SOME OF THESE DIFFICULT, CHALLENGING INTERACTIONS WITH OTHERS ARE PERFECT, IDEAL OPPORTUNITIES FOR THE HEALING OF OUR OWN WOUNDS.

    THERE ARE GIFTS, ACTUALLY, perfectly given to US by US. And it is foolish to ignore and reject them as if they came from a hostile universe.”

    Mewabe hit the nail on the head. As always.

  69. Linda Shaw Avatar
    Linda Shaw

    How true your insights are Neale. I am experiencing what you are describing right now and since 1993 when my beloved received a brain injury. He began to verbally abuse me viciously, and that was just not his way. He reacted in fear and defense without a filter, or anyway to stop himself. He has learned since to use the skills he learned in therapy to reduce the barrage. We both know that I could stand just so much of living in such a negative environment. I know that he does not mean what comes out of his mouth and he beats himself up after the episode. It is not ok for either one of us, but we will walk together through it to the other side, or not. CWG was my life saver, my door to fulfillment. I study all of your writings, and some of the writings of your good friends as well. Because of my spiritual beliefs my husband has become calmer as I am so strong and confident, gentle and happy. There is something there that he has taken on. I am so grateful.

  70. Inger Lise Avatar
    Inger Lise

    Thank you `lisa.` I`m admiring you very much. What a challenge of to be among the work of the Police-Force.

    As a matter of fact have looked up the web-site recommended by Marko, about the non-violent-communications, and felt immideately attracted to it. It is one of “the new” awareness awakening in these times. And obviously many “of the courses” around in the world already.

  71. Lloyd Avatar
    Lloyd

    I love because it feels good to love, not because I want something in return, but simply because it feels great to give of myself, allowing love energy to flow through me into my reality. It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, a phrase that has kept me going many times when (get this) I allowed my feeling to be hurt because someone did not return my love in the manner I desired. Oh well, it wasn’t true love if I wanted to control how others received it and what they did with it. Love comes in an “open” hand, and the Source is never ending.

    Blaming others or life for our pain is illogical, because we create our own pain by desiring a certain outcome from our gift of unconditional Love. Is it unconditional if we hold hiden or stated demands and desires for our gift? Truly we first must love Ourselves unconditionally, with all our own preceived warts, flaws, and ugliness, before we can love another honestly without placing demands on some type of return. Love with an open hand, open heart, and open mind, is unconditional because it is freely given. Namaste’\
    Butch

  72. Patti Avatar
    Patti

    WOW…the Universe brought your words to me as I needed to read this NOW. I was attacked aggressively (again) with an individual last week (Thurs). This has happened in the past from this person. Last year, I decided to give it another try to be friends with this individual. This person is also an alcoholic/addict. I know by the tone of the words and text messages that the person had started using again. What really upset and hurt was that I had shared some communications in confidence with this person that was shared with someone else, which had gotten all twisted. I have practiced forgiveness, for myself first, and then for this person. I also came to the realization that I have to get rid of this unhealthy need in me to be needed or approved of by someone else. I really liked what you wrote about that knowing every act is an act of love, even if it is distorted. The dysfunction is when I allow myself to be verbally aggressed in order to maintain peace, which is really an illusion. I need to learn to “Speak my truth, but soothe my words with peace.” I thank you for allowing the Universe to bring these words to me.

  73. John Coleman Avatar
    John Coleman

    Ur words motivates and inspires… thank u

  74. Trisha Avatar
    Trisha

    Awesome

  75. Pat Avatar
    Pat

    I’ve been on both sides of this fence.

  76. mewabe Avatar
    mewabe

    Thank you *lisa*…thank you Inger…whatever I am able to understand comes from personal experience…at times, it as been like walking through fire (or through “hell”) willingly…rapid healing is not always a sweet, gentle process, as there is great natural resistance within us, and the automatic resistance must be broken, which occasionally translates to our lives being temporarily broken, by choice.

    But on the other side of this, there is total peace, understanding and clarity.

    All true spiritual paths lead to an eventual facing of the “darkness” within (deep unconscious wounds, self-judgements and fears from this life and/or possibly other lives), which is what most people are afraid of and shy away from, and spend much of their energies suppressing.

    Even Christian mystics, on their spiritual journeys, faced what they perceived to be “hell” or the “devil”, which were projections from their own psyches, issues of ancient fears, wounds and/or self-judgment tainted by beliefs and symbolically expressed and released within the context of such beliefs.

    Spirituality is not for the faint of hearts, and that’s what most new-agers do not understand, as all they seek is sweetness, innocence and gentleness…they do not understand such things can only come from actual inner peace, and inner peace only comes when there are absolutely no more inner conflicts. Inner conflicts end when unconscious fears and any other very deep important issues have been faced and healed.

    Otherwise it is all make-believe, and make-believers feel very threatened by the very fragility of their own self-deceptions ( and thus feel threatened by a world they fear, a world that may challenge them).

    Self-deceptions add more fears to the fear of self…which is why they must be pied on, people must keep lying to themselves (and by extension to everyone else) and accumulate self-deception upon self-deception as so many walls protecting an inner core they fear to look at and heal.

    However the truth of this wounded, judged, fearful inner self always comes back as a perfect reflection in the perfect mirrors that are other people and the world, and our lives. And this reflection says…” are you tired of all this yet, are you ready to heal?…No pressures, whenever you are ready, whenever you have suffered enough, but I will not let you forget, I will keep challenging you”.

  77. sandra Avatar
    sandra

    Thanks once again, i have been praying for years to get an answer as clear as this one and now i have it! 🙂

  78. Nathalie Avatar
    Nathalie

    I love your writings thank you very much for all the thoughts you shared in your books 🙂

  79. Kristen Avatar
    Kristen

    *Lisa* – I am reading your posting as your marriage ended?! Hug. You are blessed that it appears he instigated it, from personal experience to leave a negative person/narccacist (typo sorry) is very hard to to, and mine was so selfish he would have rather lived with someone whom he knew hated him so much they could have killed him out of sheer hate, than to let them go (by agreeing to sell the house). Sanity is knowing when you have no choice but to load up the kids and just get the hell out of a toxic environment! At some point, when the topic avails itself to it I will post a ‘what I wish I was told when newly separated’ blurb. For now, please don’t personify anything – not his preferences, or when your friends suddenly don’t want you at BBQ’s and events around their husbands etc. Be strong, stand tall and BE YOU. It’s so interesting what you observe about yourself when you can be just you without a live in partner. And even if a jerk, it’s still normal to miss company, making two coffees, having a live in spider killer etc, and Ok to feel like you’ve been cut in half – you havn’t but your life has. And house income – that sux!

    In NZ mental abuse is a legal form of abuse, like physical and sexual abuse. Not that anyone listens. It is also a crime to smack a child here. Again no-one listens. This is a problem I have with a lot of the CWG message as a whole – the promotion of full freewill. You preach full freewill, it’s not wrong just diffferent etc. What a load of crap. Wrong is wrong, and wrong is generally defined as a crime. And there is Universal Law-God Laws-Human Laws-Country Laws-then rules & respecting others that must be complied with for the betterment of entire societys, and the world and all life in/on it -THEN YOU HAVE FREEWILL WITH WHAT IS LEFT. Not much. Spoilt brats from the Afterlife reincarnated here believing they can do what they want, especially Indigo brats (ask any school teacher), does not help the problem, it is a lot of the problem.

    Those who understand to be on alert for negative people, avoid them etc, be aware they are weak and pathetic, but like bullies, manage to pull it off on the basis that they assume (usually right) that they will generally have the upper hand from the start. Let them know from the first encounter that you have the upper hand, hold it, try to help them if you want to or can, but never give up the power position. Every person who allows them to think they have the upper hand, is doing everyone encountering this person behind them a disservice. I did this with Buzz (where is he?), with our first encounter letting him know his negativity would not touch me, and leaving it with our last encounter of him trying to determine if or how he had offended or hurt me. Everytime they push, shove back or wait until a better time when your shove will affect them more. Generally when they are not argumentative or angry. Karma defines ‘you will suffer for the suffering you have caused’ and if we all help to enforce non violent karma, the sooner they will give up, finally understand or go hibernate under a rock.

    Mewabe – i am not a new ager, nor ever want to be, any more than I want to be religious, so to be honest I generally skim over your input. I disagree with what you say as much as I agree, but spirituality is about each individuals beliefs, God, understandings, religion, faith, advancement etc AS DIFFERENT PEOPLE AND ACCEPTING THAT THERE ARE DIFFERENT UNDERSTANDINGS. the word spiritual was around long before CWG, just as Gods religions were around long before Yshua, righteousness before Christians etc and at the end of the day there is one Source which all Gods, then us are under. BUT I do agree with you about spirituality not being for the faint hearted. The only road to immortality, and to break the fked up cycle of reincarnation is to toughen up, get some balls, fight, stand up tall, work hard, get past any negativity and do your bit. Kabbalah is the same, you have to fight evil at a certain point, which is why Buddhists and people on selfish Tinkerbell/Peter Pan delicate spiritual quests will never get anywhere. Other than kicked straight back to earth again & again to get it right. It’s tough, the universe is only going to allow a small percentage of the existing population in existance to exist soon. You either make it, or you don’t. The Source will be withdrawing the energy used to sustain the afterlife in the near future, so you are either live or are dead. As it should be, no limbo in between. Can I challenge you please, on the basis that you don’t appear to believe in any external evil forces etc. This has to be a freewill based decision, but can you please ask your God to ensure you are safely overseen and no animals or children are endangered or harmed, but you would like to do a stint of fighting evil that is external to peoples bodies, and to perhaps be a ‘seeer’. Please respect others, like me, a little more and stop saying these things do not exist when you know very well people are reading what you say as a form of enlightened on in here. Get you facts straight please. The truth is the truth, opinions are opinions. With position comes responsibility. Sorry to be rude.

    Take care.

  80. mewabe Avatar
    mewabe

    Kristen, you are totally free to believe in evil, the devil, satan, lucifer and legions of demons if you choose to…if these beliefs work for you, by all means go for it.

    What you believe, you experience in perception…as Fools Crow said, “believe and you will see”.

    Again, I feel absolutely no need to challenge any person’s personal belief system….I state what is true for me, the truth of my soul. I only challenge some cultural and religious or spiritual beliefs in general terms, not in personal terms…in other words I will not challenge you in any way.

    On the contrary, I encourage you to stick to your own beliefs and explore them fully.

  81. mewabe Avatar
    mewabe

    Kristen, you flatter me, I have no position and do not claim enlightenment. I am a human being. That’s enough for me, as I strive to fully comprehend and fulfill the meaning of being human.

    My statements do not threaten your beliefs, and yours do not threaten mine. You are absolutely free to believe and experience anything you choose, and you have my support in doing so.

  82. Alverda Avatar
    Alverda

    My dilema is this, my spouse is verbally abusive and living with him is like continually walking on eggshells. I left hin a few months ago and have been working on myself and my self esteem. I am much happier in a lot of ways and although it was hard at first to let go and forgive him (he said some pretty horrible things) I have been able to forgive him and let it go. I understand his pain and why he does what he does. I even finally faced him one day and told him I wouldn’t put up with his abuse any longer and he just stared at me for a minute and then changed the subject and acted as if I hadn’t said anything to him. He still refuses to acknowledge his behavior. However despite all this and my wanting to move on with my life I still love him and I am having a hard time with that. I won’t continue to allow him to to verbally abuse me but I am having a hard time moving on. Understanding his pain hasn’t helped me to forgive and move on, the love I feel for him has only deepend. He has not shown any sign that he is willing to make any changes and I honestly don’t believe he will anytime soon. To do that he would have to take a good look at himself and that he will never do. If you have any suggestions I would love to hear them, thanks.

  83. Alverda Avatar
    Alverda

    I meant to say that understanding his pain has helped me to forgive him and let go of the past but and the love I feel has deepened and is making it hard for me to move on with my life. A part of me wants to try again but another part realizes he will not change. How do I move on?

  84. Daiga Avatar
    Daiga

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

    I enjoyed reading it, until I read those lines: “If you loved nothing, you would hate nothing. There would be no reason to. And, at its ultimate level of distortion, violence is an expression of love for something.”

    I fully understand, what you meant, by writing those lines – but – if we say, in order of love something we also have to hate something else… This is really disappointing me. In my opinion Love is something so truly pure and in it’s origin nature something that give you deep freedom and those you love as well. So I would like to point out, that Hate, is actually the opposite of Love and not “because of” Love.

    The absence of Love, creates Hate. But if you let true Love take place in your Life, you will see, that there will no longer be the need to hate something or someone.

    Sure, we are led by our Emotions, but you can led your emotions as well 🙂 by not accepting them as something of your own personality, but by observing your emotions, and by letting them go. And then you will get the opportunity, to let a constant flow of Love into your Life. 🙂

    Thanks!

  85. Amy Avatar
    Amy

    Yes.

    What could be added?

    This sums it up to a perfectly perfect T!

    Thank You.

  86. Stanlee Avatar
    Stanlee

    This is truly beautiful, NealGod. It speaks deeply to my relationship with my son. The insights and Truths in your books have unlocked me and I am deep in the process of questioning every belief I have held in the light of what I have been opening to for a very long time. The questions are deeply profound and attended every day as suggested, are magical in their deepening and expansive qualities.

    A question embedded in the others but, I think would be good to also highlight equally is: “What does (or do I believe) God wants?”

    As I journaled through my hours of meditation this morning, those words came up in the list repeatedly as I looked at my lifetime of learnings and understandings (programming and insights). So much of our cultural story is founded on beliefs about what God wants – on many levels – as if God is lacking and needing and requiring so very much!!

    As I continue my study of Autobiography of a Yogi, I find a new opening for possible understanding of this very foreign and then, somewhat different, perspective from that which I am familiar with. Yet unclear, I can begin to comprehend the deep simple truths that are present in the ancient teachings and understandings, despite the unfamiliar presentation and expression of them. I begin to see how what I have felt was a type of spiritual hierarchy and enslavement, is simply a different display of reverence, respect and willingness enacted in rituals and disciplines and practices … a cultural story of demonstrating the obvious; sharing; supporting and acknowledging amongst each other.

    As I progress in my opening to complete surrender to the Infinite Intelligence, I was stunned upon opening my daily email from you which read: “… …that there are choirs singing in your head. If you listen,
    you will hear the music. It is the song of angels.

    Pay no attention to the sounds of the world. They are
    just noises, and even when added up all together they
    have no value, make no sense. Strain to hear the song
    of angels. Listen to the melody within your soul.

    This message is a metaphor.
    You know exactly
    what it is trying to tell you.”

    I am still baffled at how I am capable of continuing to second guess the probably obvious answers to the request for clarity in what seems to be a pivotal decision in my life. Every time I ask for clarity of guidance and proclaim my own knowing, a similar message is presented!! Simply because when applied to what I think my choices are, I tell myself it is still unsure that I understand the clear message. LOL …. aren’t we funny creatures?!!

    Much Love and Gratitude,
    Stanlee

  87. Anuradha Iyer Avatar
    Anuradha Iyer

    Dear Neale,
    That was a wonderful discussion and it is very useful for me. I am grateful to You and God for sharing this wonderful piece with me today. Thank You Neale! I love you and thank you a million times today and everyday!

  88. Trinidad Acosta Avatar
    Trinidad Acosta

    many people want to please everyone and not pleasing to themselves and many others felt assaulted by a loved one, and the pain did not shout, internalize it and compress it, making a big maso with which to beat them to leave all who cross his life. when I hear a woman say that we all want to subject, and it makes me sad when I hear a man want to play with the video of war and destruction also worries me, but I try to influence my children and friends to learn to know that only one the assaulted and better mourn and cry the pain and let it go, that ugly being attacked, but it is worse to be aggressor ..

  89. Trinidad Acosta Avatar
    Trinidad Acosta

    one more thing .. an offender assaults to show how much it hurts even they did not answer their aggression, do not take charge, not you who assaulted him, not you I really want to attack … take away, get away, and if in your job? go looking for another, and when you can take away, but above all things, remember that no matter what others say, you know who you are, and no matter what the abuser says, do not take charge, no matter how many sometimes I repeat, speak or shout for help ease your pain, please stay away, and please never change just because who assaults you says you should be otherwise, no matter how we, who will do it with all assaults, and let’s be like will continue attacking you even if you change a thousand times ..

  90. Cusmart Avatar
    Cusmart

    Neal

    i am portuguese, i want to tell you thank’s by their words.

  91. Kristen Avatar
    Kristen

    Mewabe,
    We are on different journeys, and will have differing opinions, as I said, that is the basis for definition of spirituality. I do not want to have to believe in evil/negative and try to form my own opinions, as you do, but I cannot deny that which I know exists. 2 options for me – face and accept it, or be an ostrich. I note you put Lucifer on your list – I don’t perceive him as evil at all. He is biblically identified as the Morning Star, the same as Y’shua. I know the church has catagorised him as evil, I am with the CWG view that we only attack out of fear, so I am curious to know why the church are so threatened by Lucifer that they have tarnished his reputation so much.

    You are doing really well in seeking Christ Consciousness, I have chosen a different path, many different ones in fact on the basis that as a female, I plan on being a wife (to a nice guy next time!) someday, and believe that Genesis defines it correctly that a female is made a ‘helper and companion’ so want to ensure I am a bit of an all rounder, to then fit in with the yet unknown him.

    Different teachers, wise ones, Gods etc will teach their students different things, and intuition is personified for each person, so even intuitive people will receive or ‘hack into’ different information and interpretations. I don’t personify things, so feel free to challenge anything I say if you feel it is incorrect. When I speak up for myself, I am speaking up for many people.

    And yes, it is a compliment to you that the choices you have made for yourself have led to people in here (and perhaps in the outside world) looking up to you. Like trust and faith, this is something money cannot buy. Be proud.

    Trinidad – you are right. I would always rather be a victim that the aggressor. A victim can seek help, recover, become stronger, move on etc WHEN THEY ARE ABLE TO and the universe & society will always be on their side. The perpetrator is the only person that can help themselves, but even when they do so, will always have guilt, remorse, loss, karma and possibly a criminal record like a noose around their neck for a long long time.

  92. Laura Pringle Avatar
    Laura Pringle

    As always, this discussion board has stimulated my brain in a great way! So thankful to all who share their words and ideas!

    (((hugs)))

  93. Judy rice Avatar
    Judy rice

    Thank you Neale for once again bringing us some wise and wonderful words that help to open the door of our understanding. Namaste

  94. Dana Kingsford Avatar
    Dana Kingsford

    Absolutely effective in it’s utter simplicity…wonderful insight

  95. Jan Avatar
    Jan

    I am looking forward to reading your new book, Neale. I was wondering though where I would find the conversations you were going to have about your book When Everything Changes, Change Everything? I read one article, but can’t find any others. Did I miss something?

    Blessings to you!

  96. mewabe Avatar
    mewabe

    Thank you Kristen for your thoughtful response…reality is subtle and it is difficult to communicate in depth in these comments, as words are charged with different meaning for different individuals. We probably agree more than we disagree, but either way it is good, for we need to be true to ourselves, to honor our own truths while respecting other people’s experiences.

    I don’t think anyone looks up to me, and I would never ever want this to happen for any reason. It would make me extremely uncomfortable, because it is then that a person looses her or his freedom to be whoever they feel like being from moment to moment (because of expectations)…then a person who is admired (even a little, by friends or family members or a spouse) becomes a reflection of these expectations, a perfect fake, or else s/he is crucified by his or her former admirers for betraying these expectations…it happens all the time, and I believe that Neale himself has been “chastised” for not always acting as “saintly” as people expect.

  97. Manfred H.Schmid Avatar
    Manfred H.Schmid

    Hitler is in Heaven maybe with Stalin together?

    Can’t agree!! Maybe God is kidding!!

  98. misty Avatar
    misty

    That was an incredible piece of work, surprising how deeply these words touched me. This has been my cruel reality for the past 4 years and I am just now trying to heal my pains. Thank you

  99. Naema Sinclair Avatar
    Naema Sinclair

    I came to that conclusion after 4 years of being downtrodden, I stated -if you attack you get my back, things did not get better, so my back faced him and my front faced the open door. No longer closed by my fears

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *