As she lay dying

“Death can be seen as a period at the end of a sentence.” says Mother Amma. “After that comes another sentence.”

If my experiences around death taught me anything in this life, it’s that grief is nothing compared to the regrets of not having voiced your love, your gratitude.

So I try to say the words as often as I can, I pay the compliments where they are due, write the thank you notes, make the gifts. In other words,I let others know how I feel about them.

Being given the opportunity to say your goodbyes, in person, to a dying loved one is even more special I find. As the body withers, the ego is being stripped of all its illusions and the soul comes closer and closer to the surface.

No lies, no masks, no pretense of any kind can stand up in the face of death. Like a great gust of wind, it’ll blow it all away until you know deep down in your bones that truth, peace, and love are not mere words, but all there Is.

Fears are amplified.  Love is multiplied.  And whether you are the one departing, a care-giver, a family member, or a friend, you are called on to pick a side.

I picked a side 10 years ago, and I chose Love.  I chose to give way to my profound belief in the immortality of the soul and in the need for a gentle passage (as far as the circumstances allowed, but also to the best of our abilities, which are far grander than we dream them to be).

So when given the opportunity to say goodbye, I welcomed it as a precious, priceless gift.

But on this recent occasion, as a beloved family member of mine was nearing death, I realized I was quite alone on that side. Almost everybody around her was in fear and denial. And so was she.

I was even warned that I should NOT voice my goodbyes, even and especially if she alluded to the subject herself.

That put me in a very awkward position. How to tell her then how grateful I was for all she had taught me in this life? How to reminisce and laugh over endearing souvenirs? How to give from the heart if the heart was to be shushed?

I took a train, came to spend the afternoon with her, and tried to find a compromise. I played by the rules, I tiptoed around fears, all the while trying my best to let my light shine in small ways: I suggested ways to make peace on the subjects that caused her anger, I made her laugh a little, I showed compassion, care.

But deep down I knew I had let fear win.  And this was the exact opposite of what she had taught me, the exact opposite of who I wanted to be.

She was the one believing I could be strong and confident, when no one else around me did. She was the one to speak words of truth in a family where most was left unsaid.

A couple weeks flew by, I was walking around with a cloud above my head. I was worrying, complaining, but not doing anything about it. Her health was deteriorating, still I didn’t move.

The discrepancy between who I am and what I was demonstrating grew to be so wide that I got sick. My throat burned, my head was in a fog, and I coughed and coughed and coughed some more. I guess my throat was itching from all the words that were stuck in me.

This is when I read the article by Phoebe Lackawanna from December 1st,  about awakening. She said that once you’ve awakened, you can’t go back.

And it hit me.

Being awakened in a world where appearance, competition, and materialism hold such prominent places means you often have to take the path of resistance.  Resistance to old schemes and old ways, resistance to fear, to unspoken laws and limitations imposed in stealth ways.

Other people are not and never will be the enemy, but fear is.

The minute you start compromising with fear is the minute you start betraying your true nature, for fear is the great divider, while, in truth, nothing can be divided. We are One.

And just like that,I knew what I had to do. I picked up the phone and asked to have a word with her. The feelings of fear around her imminent departure were so strong that I was never put in direct contact with her anymore.

But love finds a way. And so I prayed and was sent a solution:  Another could carry my message to her ear…The circle of love would go on.

(Sophie Lise Fargue is a therapist working with energy, animating workshops and giving seminars on Personal Development in Paris, France. She also volunteers as a Spiritual Helper at, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. You may connect with her at

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