What do I need to change in my personality in order to stop attracting people I don’t want into my life?
I recently met a woman who I believe wanted a close friendship with me. I have moved to a new community and was keen to meet people and have accepted her generous offer a few times to drive me to venues I would have problems getting to on my own, for which I have thanked her and was grateful for her kindness. Over the course of our newly developing friendship, I found I have no rapport with her no matter how much I tried. In fact, I found her behaviour disturbing. For example, she would yell out, cursing at people legally overtaking her and others while in traffic, and even more disturbing was that she would call me everyday leaving the same monotonous message each day. I returned her calls a couple of times letting her know that I was okay and there was no need for her to be calling everyday. Then, there’ll be the same message, the same dialog the next day and the next and the next. I have a feeling she probably had been drinking when she called, so I stopped returning her calls. In line with CWG messages, how would I handle this situation? What would you propose I do? Also, meeting people like her is not new to me. I seem to attract people with such “weird” personalities into my life quite often. What do I need to change in my personality so that I don’t attract such people anymore? Thank you and best wishes… Gail
Dear Gail… Although I do believe in the Law of Attraction, I think it’s a bit of a New Thought trap to think that there is something inherently wrong in our personalities when we attract strange people into our lives. While it may be true that there is something your soul wants to move through in these circumstances, it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong!
Please remember, the Law of Opposites exists to give us choice points. To paraphrase a foundational tenet from Conversations With God, “In the absence of that which I am not, that which I am, is not.” In other words, we can only define ourselves by being aware of something different than us that we can use as a benchmark.
You ask what CWG would recommend in regard to your relationship with the woman who you suspect was drinking and with whom you don’t want to associate anymore. I would invite you to look at the Five Levels of Truth Telling from CWG Book Two, as well as one of the 17 steps to being Happier Than God: “Speak your truth as soon as you know it but soothe your words with peace.” The four levels of truth telling that would apply here are, “Tell your truth about yourself to yourself,” “Tell your truth about yourself to another,” “Tell your truth about another to yourself” and “Tell your truth about another to that other.” I find the fourth level to be the hardest one, because confronting someone with my truth about them feels very uncomfortable. When I am brave enough to do it, I prefer to write down my thoughts and deliver my truth that way, so that I don’t end up stumbling over words, or worse, not being impeccable with my word. It helps to tell the other, “I could be wrong, but this is how it looks to me, and this is how I feel about it.” When we put the onus on ourself in this way, it helps us seem less judgmental of the other.
Now, of course, you don’t have to do any of these things, Gail. You can simply allow yourself to gradually and organically drift away from the relationship. Sometimes that’s the easiest way out, but just know it can leave things feeling unresolved, and that’s why I think CWG invites us to do more than that.
I feel your discomfort around this. It may help to know that we all have people who show up in our lives who are not easy to deal with, to say the least. It doesn’t mean we are being or doing anything wrong. It’s just what’s happening, so it is of course, perfect! There’s a very good reason CWG says that life begins at the end of our comfort zone. Every uncomfortable situation is an opportunity to choose to be more than we have ever been—to “step up to the plate” and seize the opportunity to re-create ourselves anew in the next grandest version of the greatest vision ever we held about who we are. And, interestingly, the more we do that, the fewer “weird personalities” and the more kindred spirits we begin to attract into our lives!
From my experience of working with you in the CWG Online School, Gail, I would bet that you will handle all of this in the most beautiful way possible, because that’s the type of person I have come to know you to be.
In all things, give thanks.
(Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Life Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com.
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.