Last month, my boyfriend of five years and I had an argument and we have not talked since. He considers this a breakup. He already had commitment issues and our relationship has been on and off again a few times. He is seeing another girl, not romantically yet, but as really close friends. As much as it saddened me, my spiritual learning so far has helped me to just accept things as they are, and neither blame him, myself or the other girl for my unhappiness.
I just finished reading Conversations with God Book One. I wish I had read it earlier so I would have been more aware of my Sponsoring Thought, that I was always scared of losing him. I feel my underlying thought pushed him away.
Neale says we can all create what we like, but in order to do that we must go in reverse: Act, Speak, Think. I would like your help in understanding that in my particular situation. What do I need to specifically do, how do I need to act in order to bring the guy I love back into my life and get married to him? It goes without saying that I love him very much. Any other guidance you can give me in this case will be highly appreciated too… Amy
Dear Amy,
I think you are confusing the Three Levels of Creation (Thought, Word and Action) with the Be-Do-Have paradigm. Conversations With God says that most of the time we mix up the order of things thinking, “If I Do this, I can Have That, then I’ll Be happy.” We also sometimes think, “If I Have this, then I can Do That, then I’ll Be happy.” CWG invites us to come from a state of Beingness first. Decide ahead of time what it is we choose to Be, not waiting for circumstances to dictate it, then allow everything we Do to come from that place. The Having part then falls into place automatically.
Now, pertaining to your boyfriend of five years, you should know that this process is not meant to be construed as a way to “bring him back into your life and get married to him”. This Be-Do-Have way of living isn’t some kind of voodoo or trick that you can play to get what it is you think you want. Remember, you are co-creating with your boyfriend and he has every bit as much right as you do to decide how he wants to live the rest of his life, with or without you.
My concern when reading your letter was the fact that you would even want to do that. You said in your first paragraph that your spiritual learning has helped you to accept the fact that he has moved on. So which is it? Do you accept his choice or do you want to try to use some sort of spiritual magic to bring him back? And if it is the latter, why do you not feel whole, complete and perfect without him?
I can tell you that because each of us is freedom at our core, when others sense that we want to to tie them down, or obstruct their freedom, it sends them flying the other way. If we come across as needy or unfulfilled, we are sending out big red flags to those who are in relationship with us.
You didn’t tell me your age, but it sounds as if you are rather young and you have your whole life ahead of you. The best advice I can give you, dear Amy, is to continue your spiritual learning so that you can much more fully realize how perfect you are all on your own. Spend quiet time with your soul so you can deeply know that, as an individuation of the One Divine Spirit, you encompass the same qualities It has, as a being that is totally without need—especially without need for another to complete you.
When you take enough time and energy to become very centered and you begin to know and express yourself as confident and kind, and as one who has no needs or expectations, the irony is, you then become irresistible to others!
(Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Life Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com.
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
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