Kevin McCormack
The five most well-known and talked about addictions are Drugs/Alcohol, Gambling, Sex, Food/Sugar, and Co-Dependency. Their affects on individuals and society are well-documented. The recovery industry is a huge business with a fifty-mile stretch of highway from Delray Beach, Florida, down to Miami having over 400 treatment facilities!
But I am not going to get into the Big Five today. It is very clear that we as a society can and will become addicted to anything that takes us out of the human experience. We can’t seem to stand being here, being present, being available, being sociable, being caring, loving, thoughtful, emotional, happy, sad, mad, glad — we’ll have none of that. Give me bliss or give me completely checked out. There is no middle ground here on this great physical experience we call Earth.
This blog is the start of a sub-series of blogs in the larger topic of evolving the Twelve Steps into a spiritually centered, personal-power oriented, recovery program. We are going to take a look at the so-called “soft” addictions in this series. The first of these is going to be the obsessive-compulsive use of electronics.
We have set up our whole culture to enable us to check out. We are seemingly possessed, diving into our iPhones or Blackberrys at every stop sign or traffic light — wait, check that — we drive down the road at 80 miles per hour checking our email, texting, surfing the web, or watching a movie. We can’t even be present while doing something that requires us to be alert and on guard, like driving a car in rush-hour traffic.
My wife and I were out to eat the other night and we casually looked around the restaurant to “people watch” for a minute. We both found a young couple in their early 20’s sitting at a table for two; both of them had their Smart Phones out and were seemingly oblivious to the world going on around them. What is it that the phone is giving them that the person across the booth is not? What is it that makes us so afraid to emotionally connect with another person over dinner?
The other day I took the family to a movie, and during one scene that was particularly quiet it became apparent that the guy behind us was on his phone having a conversation! When asked to stop, he replied back that the call was important and he had to take it! Does the electronic signal from the phone make it impossible for the person holding it to possess good judgment? Was the call so important he couldn’t take it out of the theater?
So let’s be honest here, it isn’t the electronic equipment that is causing us to obsess like this. We are willing participants in the anti-social behavior of “teching out” – the act of checking out with the help of technology. What is the payoff? It would appear that not having to stay present, interested, engaged, progressive, and emotionally connected is what we are after.
We spend most of our waking moments checked out! We as a society have made it our priority to do whatever it takes to not experience what it is like to be human. At some point we decided that life sucks and we need to find some way of passing the time till we can get the hell out. Granted this wasn’t a conscious decision for most, but it happened nonetheless.
This epidemic of disconnectedness will ultimately fail to produce the results we desire in life. Just like with the chemical addictions, lives will start to fall apart, relationships will dissolve, friends will part ways, jobs will be lost due to decreased productivity, people will find themselves at emotional bottoms. And maybe then a miracle will take place.
Some will find this program and awaken to the truth that is in them, that they are more than their body, more than their personality, that they are a singular aspect of God, and that all of us are a piece of God. We open ourselves to the realization that our souls choose to come here to experience the wonderment of life through the inter-connected mass of sentient beings.
When we come to understand this on a deeper level, we not only want to be engaged with others, we go out of our way to do so. We come to realize that it is only through our relationships with others, that we can experience the greatest joy, the grandest feelings of who and what we really are: Love.
This is part of the process Neale has termed “The Civil Rights Movement for the Soul.” So this obsession we are all experiencing is a gift from God, The Universe, Source, Allah, Buddha, Jesus or whatever Deity term suits you. This is the opportunity that these polarizing afflictions create in the human experience. They give rise to the opportunities for grandeur.
I ask you to look around you and notice what others are doing. Take inventory of what others do, not to damn those who may be doing something you disapprove of, but to see if there is something in your life that may be similar that you could maybe spend a little effort eradicating from your persona. Examine how others interact and see how it looks from the outside. The entire world is our mirror; let’s look in that mirror and see the present.
(Kevin McCormack is a Conversations with God Life Coach, a Spiritual helper on www.changingchange.net, and an Addictions recovery advisor. To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@theglobalconversation.com)
I am going to use my time in this blog to stray off the topic of addiction and recovery and share my passionate feelings on one aspect of the Newtown tragedy that I feel is not being talked about. I am going to direct my comments specifically at those in the news media, for I see that they have yet again taken to the airwaves with around-the-clock sensationalism. They seize every opportunity to capitalize on ratings without the slightest thought that what they are doing may be setting the wheels in motion for the next big attack.
Last Friday, as word was coming out of what had happened, I found myself in places where people had the news on so they could receive the latest information. Most of the information that came out ended up being incorrect, distorted, and sensationalized. For crying out loud, they didn’t even get the killer’s name right!…the very name that they will use every time there is a horrific event such as this going forward.
Each member of the media wasted no time applying their own agenda to the tragedy: gun control, security measures, mental illness, politics, bullying. The list goes on and on. What was missing? The media never focused on themselves. I am willing to bet that not once have the words “we in the media are a huge part of this problem” been uttered over the airwaves. I will also to go out on a limb and say that that the media would not be willing to admit the possibility that they are urging on the next killing spree by continuously letting us know who the current leader in mass killing is.
There are mentally challenged, socially inept, psychopathic people living in our society, sitting in front of the cable news shows all day and all night while the overly dramatic tones of the newscasters drone on and on about the same topics. Have you noticed that they are on loops? Every hour the same stories over and over, just adding a little more drama disguised as information to keep you sitting in front of the television to get the latest tidbit of misinformation.
These deranged, lonely, isolated people are far too easy prey for the good-looking, intelligent-speaking commentators on the screen. They see their opportunity for fame. They are very aware of the notoriety the other socially disabled psychopaths have received. Every time something like this happens the news networks start blaring the names of the killers at Columbine and Virginia Tech, reminding us what their kill totals where and what the new bar has been raised to. These killers live in infamy due to the media’s unrelenting worship.
Many prominent figures have weighed in on the Newtown massacre, each offering their own solution or thoughts on how we got here and how we can get out. I believe this is a “we” problem — we see this happening, we sit in front of our high-definition televisions and pad the news show ratings, we beg them for more information. Do we really need to know anymore than “a deranged person stormed a school and took the lives of innocent human beings?” We don’t need to know the who, what, where, how, and how many. We just don’t. It does not matter. What matters is it happened. Now we have to decide who we are around it and what we want to do about it, if anything.
I had made a decision a year or so ago to turn off the news. We stopped watching the morning news, nightly news, breaking news, live-team-coverage news, hurricane-watch news, the all of it. The level of peace and serenity I felt increased exponentially. I had had a similar awakening a few years prior to that. I used to be a faithful listener of talk radio. I had the whole day lineup from the morning guy, to the midday guy, to the afternoon-drive guy. I let them have space in my head for free. And by the end of each day, I had the talking points memorized. One by one, it became clear to me that the sounds they were sending my way were not who I was, nor who I wanted to be. When I turned the talk shows off and turned on the sounds that felt more in line with who I was, I found a higher place of beingness. I found that my head became filled with my heart messages and not someone else’s words. I was in control of my beliefs. This is a powerful place, friends. I invite you to join it with me.
Tune out and tune in. You will not be missing anything. You will hear about the important events that happen in the world. You will still have the opportunity to express and declare who you are and what you believe about them. You will actually be much clearer about who that is without all the mis-information the media provides. You can find news outlets that you can regulate. You can stay informed and create your own thoughts and feelings around the information you choose to give priority to.
We do not need the cable news shows telling us what to think and feel. They use fear as a tool to keep people listening. When was the last time the news gave you anything you needed or protected you from harm? Why not turn off the TV and turn on some music that will bring a smile to your lips or a tear to your eye? Let your Soul hear something that welcomes it into your living room.
So this is my soapbox around the Newtown tragedy. What is yours?
(Kevin McCormack is a Conversations with God Life Coach, a Spiritual helper on www.changingchange.net, Addictions recovery advisor. To connect with Kevin please email him at Kevin@theglobalconversation.com)
The Twelve Steps were originally written by Dr. Bob and Bill W. in 1939. They are to this day considered the foundation of recovery for all types of addictions and compulsive disorders. And without question, the application of the Twelve Steps into one’s life gives the best chances of long-term sobriety. It has long been my belief that there is no human condition the Twelve Steps could not improve. They are simply a guide to living life in an honest, open-minded, humble, intentional, and responsible manner. What I cannot believe is that there has not been anyone who dares to expand on them, until now.
I am going to offer an alternative to the original Twelve Steps. I want to be very clear here, these are not meant to replace the Twelve Steps, they are not intended to imply that there is something wrong with the Twelve Steps. There is, however, something that has troubled me — and from what I now know, this has been a huge stumbling block for others as well — and that is the idea that we are somehow powerless. For those who do not know, the current First Step states: “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable.”
A great friend of mine laughingly says, “I don’t remember booze jumping down my throat on its own.” I am very clear that it was my thought to go to the bar, it was my words that asked for the drink, and it was my hand that lifted the poison to my lips. I see no powerlessness there; I see the deliberate, albeit insane, act of doing the same thing over and over, all the while expecting different results. I will grant you that after the first one, I was compelled to continue drinking by the mind-numbing action of the alcohol, coupled with its amazing ability to make me feel like I fit in. This is the point where I felt the most powerless. And even then, I was able to regulate my intake enough to not overdose or get sick; that is, most of the time…. So was I truly powerless?
The other bone of contention I have heard from people, and again I would agree with, is the labeling of oneself as an “alcoholic” or “addict.” Anyone who has spent any time in the spiritual community or with a life-coach or a counselor knows that the word directly following “I am” is an extremely powerful word. Taking on such a label for the rest of one’s life could, in fact, bring about a relapse or a repeat of the past. Many in the Twelve Step programs have chosen to alter that saying with statements such as “I am a grateful recovering addict.” This is a step in the right direction as far as I am concerned. A truthful and extremely powerful statement would look more like the following: “Hi. My name is Kevin. I am choosing sobriety.”
Maybe the original thought when writing the Steps was based on the knowledge of the terrible guilt, shame, and remorse most of us feel when we hit the bottom and seek help. Somehow the word “powerless” seems to take us off the hook for the horrible behavior and unthinkable selfishness that we continually expressed. Maybe the sheer thought of taking full responsibility right off the bat would send the genetically predisposed addicts right back to their drug of choice. Is that a good enough reason to use the word “powerless”? I will leave that up to you.
What I am going to do here is create a new First Step, one that allows us to acknowledge our own divinity and at the same time gives us the opportunity to admit that our choices up to this point were not in the best interest of ourselves, our loved ones, or anyone whom our behavior damaged in any way.
This new First Step will be the largest step, the most intensive step. And just like the original AA First Step, it will be the most difficult step. There will be no rushing through this or any of the new spirituality steps to recovery. The days of someone going over to their sponsor’s house for the weekend to do all Twelve Steps are over. This is a lifetime of work that we are about to undertake here. After all, the reason for getting sober is to live, right? The reason for making a drastic change to your way of life is to live a joyful and full life, right? So how can one do that by spending a weekend working on the erroneous thoughts they have spent their whole life tending to?
Reading words in a book and feeling them in your gut only makes them a concept with which you resonate; it does not bring about a knowing. Experiencing those words in your own actions is what will cause you to know them as real. There is a huge difference between thinking, believing, and knowing. Thoughts change all the time. New thoughts pop up by the thousands per second, not always our highest thoughts by the way! Beliefs are also subject to change based upon things we see and how we interpret them in our mind. Knowing is something different altogether. When you know something to be true, you will base your life around it.
So without further ado, I offer you the first in a series of new spirituality steps to use in the process of changing those lifelong behaviors, attitudes, addictions, compulsions, or obsessions that have alienated family, friends, and loved ones, harmed countless other people, and left your life lonely, empty, and dark.
Step 1. I see that the way in which I have chosen to live does not work. I am now ready to create myself anew as a sober, responsible, and accountable member of society.
This step will require much work be done, as it clearly states that everything we thought we knew about living life was faulty or no longer viable. We will need tremendous support and guidance in building a new foundation for our lives. As the original program states, “You need to change your people, places, and things.” Having those around us who are willing to tell us when we are not being who we now say we are and reeling us back in when we fall prey to old thoughts and behaviors will be vital to sustained change.
I once again will state that I am really clear that for 20 percent of the addicted population, the Alcoholics Anonymous Twelve Steps are working quite well. What I find incredibly disturbing is that leaves 80 percent of the group in the grip of this continuing and progressive illness without an option.
It is my belief that the soul brings us to the physical so that we may experience ourselves in ways never before experienced. In honoring that belief, I feel it is my duty to offer this new solution to one of life’s biggest problems. Stay tuned. This is only Part One in a series of blogs that will re-write the Twelve Steps to align with the new spirituality.
(Kevin McCormack is a Conversations with God Life Coach, a Spiritual helper on www.changingchange.net, Addictions recovery advisor. To connect with Kevin please email him at Kevin@theglobalconversation.com)
Okay, we have all heard someone say that, whether it was in jest or someone actually meant “I am going to drink because I can‘t deal with you.” Oftentimes the loved ones of an addict will actually believe that they are causing the addict to use, and they may just be right.
By no means am I saying that the user would not be using if those around them simply conformed to their wishes. What I am saying is that the person who is in early stages of recovery has an enormous amount of guilt and shame to work through in order to maintain sobriety. The distractions of an unhealthy relationship can be the stumbling block the person in early recovery cannot hurdle.
The co-dependent has become so reactionary that they lose themselves totally in the others problem. They either obsess over how to gain or maintain sobriety for the abuser, or they demand reparations for all the past damage before the significant other is ready or able to give it. This is why it is so vital for the co-dependent to accept that they have been affected by the disease and face the dysfunction it has create in their own life. As we fall together, so too shall we grow together.
There are three possible outcomes for a recovering alcoholic or drug addicts and their families:
1. The spouse or family finds a program and recovers and the user recovers.
2. The spouse or family does not recover and the user relapses.
3. The spouse or family does not recover and the user leaves the family to stay in recovery.
I understand how hard it is for someone who has lived with a person in active addiction to accept that they have contracted the same disease. I know in the minds of many this sounds like an indictment on the “victim.” I assure you that it is not an attack. Your wounds are real, your anger is valid, and your inability to trust is understandable. What I am trying to convey here is that you have put life on hold while you did the best you could to try and get a handle on a seemingly impossible situation. In order for you to regain your sense of normalcy, you must engage yourself in the process of re-discovery of self.
We are in relationships to experience our highest thoughts about who we are and why we are here. In a functionally loving relationship, we work together for the highest good. My best asset to another is my own understanding of my purpose in life. When I take care of me, I am taking care of “we.” This is precisely what the 12-step programs are geared towards, redefining me in a healthy and positive way.
It is particularly important to define personal boundaries in a working relationship between a co-dependent and a person in recovery. In all relationships one must let their counterpart know what is acceptable and what is not. Most often we do not know what our boundaries are until they are crossed. Once we are aware of an issue, we must then find the most effective way to inform the other of our discovery.
Communication is something that in most cases had broken down many years prior to the point of both parties getting into recovery, yet it is essential to work towards finding a compassionate and understanding way of communication as soon as possible. Many times we don’t share our thoughts and feelings due to our own made-up story of possible outcomes of doing so. This is can no longer be acceptable in recovery. There is no room for sweeping our problems under the rug and acting like everything is fine. We must create a space that is safe for our self and our other to express themselves.
My suggestion to anyone who finds themselves affected by a significant other’s abuse would be to find an appropriate 12-step meeting, such as Al-Anon, or Alateen, CODA, Nar-Anon, etc. Determine what it is you would like to do moving forward and take steps towards doing that. Define what you will not accept and communicate that to the addict in your life.
(Kevin McCormack is a “Conversations with God” Life Coach, a Spiritual Helper on www.changingchange.net, and an addictions recovery advisor. To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@theglobalconversation.com.)
At some point in our lives, most can agree in conversation that nothing happens by accident, that there is a purpose for everything in life. When trauma strikes the person who has not yet developed or has not been taught helpful coping skills, addiction can take over their personality. Anything that alters this person’s mood, feelings, emotions is subject to abuse. Each person finds what works best for them; and once they do, any hope of developing the proper coping mechanism is lost.
People with an addictive personality will stop at nothing to achieve and maintain the high that keeps them from experiencing life in its natural state. This is where the root of addiction lives, the refusal to accept life on life’s terms, arguing with what is so, fighting to be right, crashing into the brick wall over and over again. Sometimes there is a brief moment where there appears to be surrender. The addict appears broken, ready, and willing to give up. They seem willing to face the fact that the high that once kept them from having to feel is no longer working. Then a little time goes by, the apologies come, the endless talk of “I will never do _______ again” starts, everyone thinks things are “looking up,” and then WHAM, they find themselves getting high again.
This can be very frustrating for the loved ones in the addict’s life. They cannot understand what happened, “You said you weren’t going to drink anymore, you stopped for a whole week and talked about how committed you were. What happened? Why???” The co-dependent’s hopes and expectations get crushed over and over again by the disease of addiction. Now they begin to be at odds with life themselves. The whole family is under the control of addiction; life has become completely reactionary for everyone involved.
What the family and friends are not aware of is that inside the addictive person’s brain is the obsession to use. The addict is thinking about getting high all the time, even when they have “quit.” This thinking can come in the form of glamorizing their past usage, things that may have been exciting, dangerous, or peaceful. We tell “war stories” of our using, many times embellishing the fun while rarely speaking of the pain or destruction that has resulted. It is this obsession to use that must be dealt with, and that is what recovery is all about.
The process of recovery must first start with the cessation of all mood- and mind-altering chemicals. This is why many treatment facilities recommend a 28-day in-patient treatment program. The time away, in a safe environment, allows for many opportunities to dig into the root of the problem. Even in a person with the most sincere desire to stop using, doing so on their own is virtually impossible. The disease voice in our head is so much louder than the voice of reason, unless we have a program in place to counter it.
Being housed with other addicts in early recovery gives us the opportunity to face the reality that life truly had become unmanageable. We can easily see where our abuse has brought us. Most, if not all, people hit recovery facing financial ruin, relationship loss, unemployment, or possibly severe legal issues. It is rare, indeed, for the person who has none of the above issues to find themselves in treatment. This is why it is so important for friends and family to allow alcoholic or drug addict to suffer the consequences of their using. How is a person ever going to “hit bottom” when there is always a safety net in place for them when they fall?
The process of recovery for the co-dependent must start with the refusal to accept further abuse. This is delivered in a beautifully clear way in Conversations with God.
“As a practical matter—again leaving esoterics aside—if you look to what is best for you in these situations where you are being abused, at the very least what you will do is stop the abuse. And that will be good for both you and your abuser, for even an abuser is abused when his abuse is allowed to continue.”
We are not so different in the end, the addict and the co-dependent. We are each disempowering the other from experiencing our life to the fullest. We must all have faith that by doing right for our self, we are then doing what is best for everyone. We can no longer afford to keep up the facade that everything is fine. We must expose the darkness so that the light can shine though.
This is part 1 in a series on co-dependency and recovery. Next week we will look into why it is our fault and what we can do about it. Stay tuned!
(Kevin McCormack is a Conversations with God Life Coach, a Spiritual helper on www.changingchange.net, Addictions recovery advisor. To connect with Kevin please email him at Kevin@theglobalconversation.com)
With Colorado’s voters passing the historic Amendment 64, is this further proof that the country is going down the drain? Or have we just begun to realize that our power lies within the freedom to make our own choices?
Marijuana has long been considered the gateway drug, meaning that it leads to harder drugs and a life of crime and dereliction. This point has been argued by many, with little progress in proving or disproving its validity. I could, from my own experience, argue it either way. What I have realized on my own spiritual journey of recovery is that all choices lead us to a higher place, eventually.
The legalization of pot for adults over the age of 21 is vital to point out here. My first experience with pot was when I was 12 years old. I believe that for most people with addictive personalities the first experience with pot comes well before they are of legal age. What is not common knowledge is that an addictive personality exists long before the drug ever is introduced. The disease of addiction is a genetic condition passed down from generation to generation. I do not use the term “genetic defect” as some would because I do not believe it is a defect. In my case, it has been my greatest asset. God would not create a being with a defect, nor would the soul make a mistake.
Do I believe that the smoking of pot unleashed my craving to be high? No, I do not. My first drug was attention, the getting of people’s attention any way I could. I had the strongest desire to be the center of attention in my family from my earliest recollection, and if I didn’t succeed in doing so, I would quickly try another method of achieving my goal. Failing to achieve the attention only gave my addictive personality reason to act out, seeking louder and more brazen behaviors. By the time my first drug (cigarettes) entered the picture, I was merely nine years old. I first began using them to seek the approval of my peers, while at the same time unconsciously still looking to be noticed by my family. Negative attention is better than no attention in the mind of a person with addictive traits.
What happens now in these states that have decided to legalize marijuana? Do we care if someone drives high? How do we administer drug tests when accidents have occurred? Is there going to be a legal limit? What about contact highs? Although I do not fear the occasional smell of pot sending me spiraling back into the darkness of active addiction, it certainly wouldn’t be advised that any recovering addict be exposed high concentrations of secondhand pot smoke. It took going to one indoor concert to realize that was no place for me to be.
What about employers? Will they be cited for discrimination by not hiring someone or firing someone who openly smokes pot? How will society deal with the open use of marijuana? Imagine yourself sitting at the beach with your family and all of the sudden you are surrounded by a group of people who choose to get high. Do we want that as a society?
The list of issues that will need to be addressed will keep the lawmakers busy for quite some time. The personal effect cannot be determined until some time has passed to see what other consequences may pop up.
I do believe that pot use is less harmful than alcohol, and statistics certainly back that up. It is almost unconscionable that society makes legal alcohol consumption. The damage that alcohol costs society is mind-boggling and the personal destruction that can occur in families from drinking is beyond pandemic. Yet the past tells us that it is easier to accept the consequences rather than stand for what is in our best interest. Yes, denial is alive and well in the human species.
So let’s hear what you think about this. Take this time to be open about your thoughts and feelings regarding the legalization of drugs. Should they all be legal? Do we allow people to make choices that we see as unhealthy and let them learn from their mistakes? Does legislation make a difference?
Conversations with God states, “Obedience is not creation, and thus can never produce salvation.” It would seem obvious to me that this statement is proven to be true over and over throughout the course of history. What say you?
(Kevin McCormack is a “Conversations with God” Life Coach, a Spiritual Helper on www.changingchange.net, and an Addictions Recovery Advisor. To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@theglobalconversation.com)
Most people look at the addicted person and see a waste of life; others see lost potential. As for me, I see a person who is moments away from a spiritual awakening that can change not only their life, but possibly the world. Does this sound like and outrageous claim to you? Well, let me back it up.
Let’s go all the way back to the early 1930s. There you will find a man, a drunkard named Bill Wilson (later in life to become famously known as Bill W.) This man could not stop drinking, or if he could stop, it would not be for long. And each time he started again, his drinking became worse and worse. He was in and out of hospitals four times and was at the end of his rope. His family and friends were fed up with his antics. His drinking ruined his reputation at work, and it was known that he could not be relied upon. By all accounts, this man was the living example of a wasted life, sure to die a premature, painful, and lonely death.
Enter the unknown, the unforeseen, and the miracle, if you will. This is where the unexpected comes in to play and why, as humans, we should always hold the space for our reality to change and our consciousness to expand. Bill, the life long drunkard, found sobriety; he also found a way to keep it. According to Wilson, while lying in bed, depressed and despairing, he cried out, “I’ll do anything! Anything at all! If there be a God, let Him show Himself!” He then had the sensation of a bright light, a feeling of ecstasy, and a new serenity. He never drank again for the remainder of his life.
Does this story sound similar to anyone we know?
In finding his own sobriety, he also co-created the 12-step program of Alcoholics Anonymous, hence changing not only his life and the lives a few people around him, but actually changing the lives of millions around world. The 12 steps have long since been the most effective method for those suffering from “hard” addiction to achieve sobriety. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of the 12 steps, many members have achieved a level of freedom that many without an addiction in their lives may never experience.
The Bill W. story is a glaring example of how, by eliminating a detrimental aspect of one’s life, you can then open up the space for something truly transformational to take place in the world. This is available to all of us, as we were all created in the image and likeness of God.
God does not reserve greatness for only a select few, and we all have had or will have opportunities presented in our lifetime to do great things. For me, I choose to seek the path that will enrich the lives of those who are presented to me. It would bring great joy to my life if what I have learned and experienced through the messages of Conversations with God and the 12 steps could be given to those to whom happiness, joy, and freedom have not frequented.
What gift could you bring to the world? And what would have to change in your life to make that happen? Are you ready to take those steps today? What is your greatness potential?
(Kevin McCormack is a Conversations with God Life Coach, a Spiritual helper on www.changingchange.net, addictions & recovery advisor. To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@theglobalconversation.com.)
(Questions in the ADVICE column are answered by a team of life coaches who write for this online publication. Address questions to:Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
I am 38 years old, employed in a fairly secure job, but the debt I have is starting to cause me to become anxious and afraid. I have modified my spending, but I still can’t seem to get even, let alone ahead. I don’t go out with my friends much, and the thought of dating someone, and what that will cost, is overwhelming. I never intended to get to a point where I considered defaulting on what I owe; however, it is now causing a great deal of stress in my life. What would God say? What is the right thing to do in my situation? – Tom in Tacoma, Wa.
Hi, Tom… Your situation is all too common in these times. Many of us have found ourselves facing a similar situation, some have thrown their hands in the air and defaulted, others have found ways to keep their necks above water, and others have used the situation to motivate themselves into higher wealth and abundance.
Now, some of those in the latter category will take the experience of being overwhelmed with debt and decide they will not do that again; that is, they will be more conservative with their money moving forward. Others in that group will think they are invincible and live even riskier lives; of those, some will achieve greater success and some will continue to experience feeling broke and broken.
You see, Tom, I believe that God wants for us what we want for ourselves, nothing more, nothing less. If we want peace, God wants peace. If we want extravagance, God wants extravagance. To Her, it makes no difference. So I believe God would say to you the following: “Tom, what do you wish to experience? What do you want to feel? How may I help you to achieve that?”
So if I may turn the question around on you, Tom, is it possible for you, in the moment, to see that everything is perfect, everything is the way it should be? Can you believe that you are safe right where you are right now? If so, where would you like to go from here? Are you in the right job for you? Is there something you love doing and feel a strong sense of purpose in? Is there something that you feel you have a gift for, a gift that you are not using to your benefit or the world’s benefit right now?
What I am trying to get at here is that God does not care what you are doing, what your financial situation is, or how you go about handling that situation. What God does care about is that you do whatever you do consciously, knowingly, and lovingly. So, Tom, make a decision (for to not decide is a decision in itself) on who you will be in relation to whatever it is that you do. “Being” must always come first in the conscious person’s daily affairs.
(Kevin McCormack is a “Conversations with God” Life Coach, a Spiritual helper on www.changingchange.net, and an addictions & recovery advisor. To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@theglobalconversation.com.)
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The accepted definition of “addiction” in the medical community is “continued use in spite of negative consequences.”
Now combine that with Conversations with God’s definition: We experience addiction when the absence of something in our life renders us unable to experience joy and happiness.
Let’s look at humanity’s addiction to our story.
What is “story”? Story is a tool the ego uses to protect the small us, the physical sense of who we are. An observation of mine is that most beings are living in a distorted reality as a result of our ego protecting what it has made up about what it imagines we are lacking. We then take that out into the world, either silently or quite loudly. Some of us sneak through life quietly, hoping to not be noticed due to our story that we are simply not good enough; others have to be the center of attention, the loudest person in the room, for fear that they, too, will be seen as insufficient. We all know the person who is always ready to knock someone else down in order to prop themselves up.
We have all heard someone tell stories like, “I would have gotten the promotion, but my boss doesn’t like people who are taller than him” or “Jane broke up with me because she didn’t like how I say what is on my mind” or “The cops had it in for me because I have tattoos.”
Is that person really higher up or more evolved than the rest of us, therefore deserving of their self-created pedestal? Is anyone greater or less than another? Are we addicted to our separation? Are our hang-ups holding us back from experiencing life in all its grandness?
Why is it that many of us tend to hide behind a story? A reason for why we act the way we act? Are we really just acting out our lives here in this grand illusion to protect ourselves from some unforeseen danger?
What makes some people rise above their story? What is your story and when will you change it or, at the very least, challenge it? What would it look like if you did this? What would the world look like if we all managed to get out from under our self- imposed prisons?
By now almost everyone has heard the saying “The truth will set you free,” yet not too many people are willing to tell the truth even to themselves. Does the truth hurt or does it truly open us to more freedom and joy?
(Kevin McCormack may be reached at Kevin@TheGlobalConversation.com)
