relationships
A couple days ago, in my daily course of business, I found myself walking behind a lovely couple on a busy sidewalk. The gentleman was having a good time, laughing, dancing, immersed in his own personal space and thoughts, oblivious to the bustling world around him – in what many people call “the zone.” I was quietly enjoying being in the moment of witnessing his free-spiritedness. It was then when his companion said, “Honey, this lady behind us is trying to get by us,” to which he replied bluntly, “I don’t care.”
His words, at first blush, were coarse and stinging. And they lingered in my thoughts for quite a while as I contemplated the feelings and energy behind this abrupt declaration: I don’t care. And as with all the events in my life, it served as an opportunity for me to really think and reflect upon what this meant to me. And what I kept circling around in my thoughts was, do people actually ever truly not care? Is it possible for us to not care? And if we really do care, why do we say we don’t?
Maybe it has become easier to simply not care – or at least pretend we don’t — to bury our heads in the sand and willingly go where the winds of change happen to take us. Kind of like we do when our car pulls up to the red traffic light right next to the man or woman holding up a sign that says “Please help. Anything is appreciated.” Do we really not care when we look the other way in an effort to avoid eye contact? Do we really not care when we choose to not give him or her a buck or two?
We seem to care when tragedy strikes, like the tornado in Oklahoma, the explosions in Boston, Hurricane Sandy, or the Newtown shootings. Facebook walls fill up with posts of inspiration and hope, and the masses rally together to bring aide to those in need. In these types of situations, the level of care being expressed is tangibly felt. But what happens to us the rest of the time? What happens to Humanity in the day-to-day of our lives in the way we interact with each other, the way we listen to each other, the way we honor each other?
Do we only care when what is happening is “about us”?
What makes us care?
What would make us not care?
Money?
Competition?
Recognition?
Worthiness?
Pain?
Suffering?
Love?
I realize in my own life how often on a daily basis I say “I don’t care.” Sure, it might be as benign as “What would you like to have for dinner?” I don’t care. “What movie would you like to see?” I don’t care. Or perhaps it carries with it a heavier negative energy like “Honey, this lady behind us is trying to get by us.” I don’t care.
Might we be well-served to consider abandoning this three-word statement altogether as part of our announcement to the universe that, yes, we do actually care? And not only do we care, but that we are consciously demonstrating a level of care that reflects our highest truth, even when our truth may differ from that of another. When we are no longer afraid to express our own truth, we will no longer desire to hide behind the mask of not caring. And when we no longer hide behind the removable mask of “not caring,” we will see the illusion, we will understand it, and we will then experience our own Divinity.
(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
The world is constantly changing. There is never a moment it is not changing. The universal question is not whether change will occur, but rather what kind of change do we desire?
We here at The Global Conversation have placed ourselves at the forefront of a gentle but powerful spiritual movement to revolutionize the evolution of our planet and all the people who share this Holy Land by collectively orchestrating the kind of change Humanity is visibly yearning for. It is an exciting time for all of us as we are being given an extraordinary opportunity to experience the ability to transform our experience here on earth by stepping into the power of our own creativeness.
This is also the perfect time for us to take a look at how we can also apply these same larger-scale perspectives and changes to the individual one-on-one relationships we enter into with our spouses and partners on a daily basis. While it may appear at times that we are making very little progress, if any, as a society in redefining our relationships, when we step back and look at the larger picture, there have been noticeable shifts over the years in the way we have come to interrelate with each other personally and intimately. But we still have work to do.
In a world where half of the population is dissolving their marriages and another large segment of the population who desires to be married is being told they cannot, we have engineered relationship gridlock. What we have declared to be the “right” way to be in relationship is demonstrating itself to be “wrong” in the sense that it is not working for half the population. The box we have constructed to house our relationships has been erected with faulty materials — distorted thoughts, judged past data, imagined truths – and it simply can no longer be relied upon as the formula we use to regulate or govern that aspect of who we are.
The time has come for us to revolutionize our relationships — the way we enter into them, the way we engage in them, and even the way we depart from them.
The time has come for us to end our search for someone to come into our lives, and rather begin placing ourselves intentionally into the lives of others.
The time has come for us to remember that there will be times when our Souls yearn for different experiences, and that the richness of our partnership is not determined by only those moments in which we see eye to eye.
The time has come for us to understand that even on those occasions when life has called upon us to experience contrast, or when we have stepped off the path of remembrance, forgetting who we are, that these are moments, most of all, for us to hold the sanctity of our relationships in the palm of tenderness and compassion.
The time has come for us to be mindful of and know when it is time to simply create a gentle, loving, quiet space which allow others to shine so that they may experience their highest selves.
And perhaps most importantly, the time has come for us, in the process of reshaping and restructuring our relationship framework, to reshape and restructure our beliefs about God, replacing old ideas with new, opening our hearts and expanding our consciousness, and recognizing that the way we behold God is the way we ultimately behold each other.
I part with a wonderful quote by Maya Angelou which says, “When you know better, you do better.”
Isn’t it time for us to do better?
(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
“Every act is an act of self-definition.”
If I hold this concept as true – and I do — who am I defining myself as if, when I engage in the seemingly simple exercise of selecting which articles of clothing to wear for the day, I choose to outfit myself with a t-shirt which displays a large rebel flag boldly front and center on my body?
Brad Paisley, in his new song called “Accidental Racist,” is asking us to believe that people who don large rebel flags on their chests do so because it is an announcement of their affinity for the southern rock band Lynyrd Skynyrd, and not because it symbolizes one of the largest examples of oppression, hatred, and racism towards an entire race of human beings.
Paisley’s recently released song has ignited a firestorm of controversy surrounding his attempt to address racism and whether his efforts were ill-intended or well-intentioned, whether it was a desperate grab for publicity or whether it was a sincere effort to soothe and heal some deep, painful wounds from the past.
The Confederate flag is one of the few symbols today that is both hated and loved, both vehemently denounced and proudly defended, both strongly resisted and loyally embraced. Of course, the flag in and of itself – the type of fabric, the colors and design — holds no particular meaning, as does anything in life. It is merely a construct of a variety of materials. Rather it is the meaning that we place upon it, the value that we give to it, that produces our experience of it.
Nothing in life has meaning, save the meaning we give to it.
The Confederate flag is only one example of what happens when segments of society cling unbendingly to external symbols that reflect an ideology or a belief system which, when held as absolute truth, serve to divide rather than unite. It would not be difficult to list more ways we humans do this. But I think the more important inquiry here becomes, if we have any interest at all in creating the kind of world which produces the outcomes we all say we desire, what are we willing to do differently? How are we going to redefine the ways we relate to and with each other? If we know that our actions could be easily and largely confused to mean something different than what our purest intentions are, why are we continuing to make that choice?
The title of Brad Paisley’s song plainly implies that the existing fallout of racism from those that came before us is “accidental,” that he should not be held responsible for his predecessors’ actions, nor are we able to re-write history.
Personally, I find myself only being able to accept those two statements if the person declaring them is not making choices and engaging in actions that continue to resurrect, perpetuate, and carry forward the same energy which created the historical events giving rise to and sustaining experiences of racism in the first place. We may not be able to “re-write history,” but what we are able to do is author a New Story.
And this is the opportunity we have placed before us: to decide, to declare, and to announce to the world this New Story which carries with it a New Awareness and a New Way of being in relationship with each other. We have the option of continuing to embrace an accidental life of random occurrences — a life which is happening to us – or we have the opportunity to embrace a life of creation and intention – a life which is happening through us — one which reflects our ability to see with transparency the perfection within each other, one which produces an experience of interconnectedness simultaneously existing within our diversity, one which replaces thoughts of separatism with feelings of Oneness.
Mr. Paisley himself makes the declaration at the end of his song that he is a “son of the new south.” I wonder if abandoning the choice to wear a symbol that is likely, or even holds the slightest possibility, to be construed as a statement of superiority, intolerance, and separation is included as part of his “new” story?
Every act is an act of self-definition.
(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
I am getting married in August to the most wonderful guy I’ve ever known. My fiance and I both knew we had something very special from the first time we met, and our relationship is very strong and happy. We’re both excited about the prospect of spending the rest of our lives together, but I am a little nervous. My parents had a nasty divorce after twenty years. My father had an ongoing affair and lied about it, eventually marrying the other woman. I know he didn’t mean to hurt my mom, but I really don’t want that to happen to us! Does Conversations With God have any advice about how to make a relationship survive and thrive? Thank you for any help you can give me… Amy
Dear Amy… I’m so glad I received this letter from you. Although any of the three of us who write this column, Nova and Therese included, could have helped you because we all know the CWG material so well and are all happily married, I experienced the exact same scenario as you. And… my husband, Greg, and I are celebrating our 23rd wedding anniversary this month!
I have actually started writing a book on this subject because it is so near and dear to my heart, but for now, here are some pointers to get you started. Since you asked specifically for advice from Conversations With God, I’m only including those. Hope it helps, and congratulations!
Place no requirements on each other. Make only requests.
Freedom is the essence of who we are and the fastest way to get someone to leave the space is to limit their freedom with requirements. When Greg and I got married, I told him I only had one request of him: That if he ever fell in love with someone else, he would be honest with me about it. I told him I understand that these things happen and although it would hurt me very much, it would hurt even worse if he were not honest about it. 23 years later, that is still my only request of him. The truth can hurt, but falsehood hurts even more. Even more importantly, the truth heals.
Speak your truth as soon as you know it, but soothe your words with peace and loving kindness.
Don’t hold things in. Give your partner the freedom of a loving space in which to share everything, both what’s working and what’s not working for them. I believe in total openness in relationships because if we keep things from each other the relationship becomes dysfunctional. I learned this the hard way with a dear friend of mine, trying to protect her feelings by keeping stuff in until I blew up, which ended up hurting her far worse. It’s much better to just come on out and say it if something is bothering us.
When we keep our partner in the dark about matters large or small, we put a crack in the relationship. When we continue to withhold information about things that bother us, the crack becomes a chasm that can eventually break the relationship in two.
Drop your expectations.
Life = Change = Growth. Go with the flow. Know that things wouldn’t be happening the way they are if it weren’t for your greatest good—even when it doesn’t look like that right now.
Where am I going and who’s going with me?
Never reverse the order of these two questions. This may come as a shock, but put yourself first. Even though it may sound selfish, following the path of our own soul is actually the kindest thing we can do for another. When we follow our partner’s path instead, resentment can build, and when we’re not happy, the relationship cannot thrive.
The magic happens when the two of you marry your paths together in such a way that both of you are following your individual soul’s journeys together. This requires clarity, communication and commitment, and it is a beautiful thing when it works. The whole of the two of you is greater than the sum of its parts. Life gets exponentially better and better!
(Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Life Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: ChangingChange.net offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
“I, Tina, take you, Tony, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.”
Couples around the world, thousands of them, on the threshold of entering into life partnerships with each other, commonly recite these traditional vows. And while there is nothing “wrong” with these particular words, or their meaning, I wonder how much thought or consideration is given to whether or not these declarations actually reflect the highest level of their commitment, the deepest expression of their love, and the clearest intent and very purpose for entering into the relationship to begin with.
I don’t think I would be too far off the mark by making this perhaps bold statement: These same couples, thousands of them, have no idea why they are entering into their relationships to begin with, nor do they have any understanding of where they are going. The fallout is demonstrable and inarguable as we continue to witness growing numbers of painful divorces and separations – or, for that matter, perhaps even a larger number of people staying in relationships that either no longer serve them well or have become downright harmful. That is not to say that longevity is the sole indicator of the value or worthiness of a relationship. We could probably all share an experience where in a fleeting relation with another we were provided us some of our most profound remembrances and realizations, demonstrating the idea that ALL relationships create a context within which we are given an opportunity to choose and decide Who We Really Are.
However, as our world gently transitions out of its Old Cultural Story and into its New Cultural Story, we are given another opportunity, perhaps an even grander opportunity, the opportunity to redefine and recreate our relationships with each other not only on a global scale — politically, socially, and economically — but individually, within our most intimate relations and interactions. This shift holds within it the gift of change and the awareness to create. And the most beneficial place to begin is, quite frankly, at the beginning.
This change is not always obvious or easy. We are constantly barraged with mind-numbing television programs which degrade the holiest of unions by exploiting brides who behave poorly or by aggrandizing extraordinarily decadent and over-the-top weddings or whom offer us the advice of “relationship experts” who tell us the way our relationships “should” be. As a result, for so many, more energy and thought is expended on the pomp and circumstance of the wedding event than is given to the actual commitment.
People spend more money on multi-tiered designer wedding cakes than they are able to practically afford in order to please their guests, a large majority of whom they don’t even know. Women starve their bodies for weeks in an effort to fit into a wedding dress one size smaller than they naturally and comfortably fit into. We smash cake in each other’s faces, we pollute ourselves with so much alcohol that we can barely even remember what took place, and we, as I earlier mentioned, allow the very first words that we utter as an expression of Who We Are to be something we cut-and-pasted from Google.
If we are going to change everything, and reconnect to the intended purpose for our relationships, where do we begin? What kind of an experience would a “ceremony of commitment” or a “declaration of unity” under The New Spirituality present itself as? What would a couple in love, being love, expressing love offer at the dawn of their relationship as a declaration and demonstration of a spiritual partnership that would exemplify the very reason they have chosen to unite in the first place?
Conversations with God, Book 1, Chapter 8, offers to us the following:
“If you both agree at a conscious level that the purpose of your relationship is to create an opportunity, not an obligation—an opportunity for growth, for full Self expression, for lifting your lives to their highest potential, for healing every false thought or small idea you ever had about you, and for ultimate reunion with God through the communion of your two souls—if you take that vow instead of the vows you’ve been taking—the relationship has begun on a very good note. It’s gotten off on the right foot. That’s a very good beginning.”
What would you, from within the framework of your own understanding and your own experience, offer to someone who has come to you seeking a new definition and a new experience of “happily ever after”?
(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
The body of Yvette Vickers lay unnoticed and unmissed in her California home for what some have speculated to be several months beyond the moment of her passing. The B-movie actress and former Playboy Playmate, perhaps best known for her role in the cult classic film “Attack of the 50-Foot Woman,” not only died alone, but her physical presence was not missed by even one of the over 7 billion people that currently occupy our planet for an unimaginable amount of time. In spite of the fact that people at one point actually paid money to view her naked body in Playboy magazine and people paid money to be entertained by her roles in a few low-budget films, not one single person checked on her, asked about her, looked for her; and most disappointing of all, not one person expressed love to her.
How can something like this happen? How is it even possible for someone’s life to end virtually unseen, unheard, and unloved? And perhaps the bigger question is: What can we do to change that?
As disturbing as this particular story may be, the fact that millions of human beings on our planet today live in isolation and loneliness is perhaps even more disturbing. The statistics surrounding an ever-increasing population contrasted against the staggering numbers of people moving through their days alone seems absurd and completely implausible. A logical mind would struggle to understand such a contradiction in facts, let alone understand how an entire population of people could continue to do very little, if anything, about it.
What piece of the puzzle are we missing?
At what turn did Humanity get so horribly off course?
While a percentage of our population is benefiting from living in a world pulsing with the frenetic energy of fast-paced technology and more advanced ways of communication, we may want to pause and take notice of the large percentage of our population that is being, quite frankly, forgotten and left behind. And even among those who have immersed themselves in the fast lane of the “information super highway,” it is becoming more and more evident that we, as a society, seem to be aloofly drifting away from the true intention of our relationships: to touch, to gaze, to smell, to hear, and to BE with each other in such a way that we may know experientially Who We Really Are.
But the fact that so many people live day after day, week after week, month after month, and year after year clouded in loneliness and feelings of insignificance cannot be entirely and solely attributed to modern-day advances in communication. Somewhere along the line, we have simply forgotten what matters. We have forgotten that our neighbors matter. We have forgotten that the elderly lady pushing her shopping cart in the grocery store matters. We have forgotten that the children who are ignored on the playground matter. We have forgotten that the man sleeping on the park bench, without a home to go to, matters. We have forgotten that every single solitary expression of life which lives and breathes on this planet matters.
Of course, on a spiritual metaphysical level, no one is ever truly alone. But there is certainly a huge disconnect somewhere between the knowing of that and the experiencing of that as millions of people are struggling right now, in this very moment, to feel some semblance of meaning and purpose in their lives.
But how does somebody make a difference in the life of another if they don’t feel their own worthiness or experience their own significance? How can anyone possibly give something they simply don’t have in the first place?
Conversations with God offered to us the powerful message of: “Whatever it is that you wish to experience more of in your life, be the source of it in a life of another. There is a universal law that plays its effect here. When you give what you want to another, you cause yourself to notice that you have it. And since reality is a matter of perception, it is your perception that has caused you to imagine that you do not have it. When you give it to another and cause them to have it, you suddenly come to the realization that I could not give it to them if I did not have it to give. Suddenly you become aware that you had it all along.”
And when we live our lives within this framework of understanding, what then have we allowed ourselves to discover about ourselves? About life? About God? About Who We Are and Why We Are Here?
Could we all commit to stepping outside of our comfort zone to present someone who feels unseen the opportunity to be seen? Or to hear someone who feels unheard? Or to love someone who feels unloved? Even if the person who feels unseen, unheard, or unloved happens to be you?
(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team atwww.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
I have never been a fan of flying. As a matter of fact, I downright dislike it. There is probably not a better example in my personal life of a time when fear-driven thoughts crowd out clarity and dominate and distort my reality.
What if they forgot to tighten a bolt?
What if there is a leak in the cabin pressure?
What if we hit a flock of birds? Hey, that’s actually happened before!
I once said to my husband while boarding our flight, “If I could just look into a crystal ball and be assured that we will make it safely to our destination and land without incident, then I could relax and actually enjoy this.”
Of course, those “crystal ball” assurances I am looking for never appear, just as they never appear in any of my day-to-day happenings. What I do recognize, however, is the mere fact that I desire an assurance for a particular outcome only serves that aspect of me that doesn’t understand the much broader interweavings of what is going on here in this process of life. And, oh, how quickly my Mind is willing to buy into the story that events must unfold in a certain way, one that protects or preserves or prevents, which only perpetuates the false thought and, thus, belief that I have something to lose.
How many times in life do we hold back or avoid certain situations because we think we have something to lose? And what exactly is it that we believe we will no longer have if we do a particular thing? Or if we enter into a new relationship? Or if we depart from an old relationship? Or if we change careers? Or write that book? Or if we demonstrate who we really are to everyone…all the time?
What I have come to know for myself is that in those moments when I come from a place of fear, I guarantee my own loss. Not the loss of what I think I might lose; but rather the loss of something much more significant: the loss of my Self. In an effort to avoid a perceived loss, I actually cause loss to occur — the loss of experiencing my Soul’s desire. It is only when I include the perspective of my Soul that my field of vision expands to see that there is nothing to lose except that which I deny myself in the process of thinking that there is.
If I withhold my expression of love in my relationships for fear of rejection, even in the smallest of ways — a look, a gesture, a kiss, a touch, in words — I am losing the opportunity to experience myself as an unconditionally loving being. If I avoid challenging tasks in my career for fear that I might “fail,” I am losing the opportunity to experience the full spectrum and outreach of my capabilities. And if I fear flying in an airplane, afraid of losing my life, I am causing myself to lose the opportunity to know myself as an eternal soul.
And those, to me, are the greatest losses of all.
(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
I have a co-worker who I just don’t get along with. I do my best to be nice, have tried the “kill her with kindness” approach, but I have to admit I am getting sucked into the drama of it all more and more. I don’t like having a relationship like this in my life, I sometimes dread going to work because I don’t want to have to interact with her, and I certainly don’t like the way I act sometimes because of it (gossiping, complaining, acting less than my highest self). I’m not exactly sure what the problem is, I think our personalities just don’t match, but it’s beginning to drive me crazy because it’s taking up so much of my energy! How do I make this problem go away?
Janelle, TX
Hi Janelle,
On this day of your life, I believe God wants you to know…
…that you cannot hope to solve any problem using the
same energy that created the problem.
Whether it’s the endless wars in the world or the
unending quarrels and fighting in your own home, the
problem is the same: conflicting energy. If you want
to change the outcome, change the energy.
The extraordinary aspect of this solution is that you
do not have to wait for the other party in order
to do it.
Do you receive the daily emails from Neale? If not, I highly recommend them, you can sign up at www.nealedonaldwalsch.com. Anyway, the above quote is from the email sent out today, actually, and I believe it addresses your question perfectly. In other words, you cannot fix a problem from inside the problem. You must move outside of it, and actually shift your attention away from it. This approach is difficult for most to understand, because it can appear to be avoidance, and we have been conditioned in our society to attack a problem head on.
I assure you that shifting your attention is actually not avoiding it. It’s “changing the energy”, as Neale articulates above. When we change the energy, we are giving ourselves access to more information, broader perspectives, and yes, solutions. And, as also articulated above, you do not have to wait for the other party in order to do it. This is another great demonstration of how you can always control your experience of something, even if you can’t control the event itself.
So how exactly do we change the energy? What does that look like?
It looks like shifting your attention to things that feel better, to things you can control. You may not be able to control what your co-worker says or does, but you can most certainly choose what you say and do. You may not be able to choose how your co-worker perceives you, but you can most certainly choose how you perceive her. Instead of focusing your attention on what you don’t like about her, consciously focus your attention on what you do like about her. And I get it, that may be difficult at first, but I urge you to give it a try. Even the smallest of things, do you like her hair color? Perhaps she has a nice smile, or she actually does her job really well. Furthermore, shift your attention to things you like about yourself, who are you being when you feel you are being your higher self? What are you grateful for in your life? In your job? What things in your life are occurring that you wouldn’t label as “a problem”?
All of these things, including other things such as meditating, journaling, spending time with people you love, doing things you love to do, help shift the energy. And, while it may appear that you are not directly addressing the problem, you’re right, you’re not. In other words, you are no longer looking at it as a problem, and in time, it no longer is experienced as a problem. Trust me, I’ve seen it happen time and time again.
One more thought for you, Janelle: when you find yourself thinking about this co-worker, try just sending her positive, loving energy, just as she is. Silently bless her, and show her the greatest demonstration of love possible by allowing her to walk the path her soul has chosen to walk at this point. Remember, in the largest picture, your soul and her soul have already made an agreement to help each other out in this lifetime, to give each other a certain experience of yourselves through one another. For a deeper explanation of this, check out “The Little Soul and the Sun”, by Neale Donald Walsch.
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
How many times has the phrase “I just want to be happy” crept into your thoughts and tumbled out of your mouth? Perhaps someone close to you has uttered these six words in the midst of their own “unhappiness” on an occasion or two, looking to you for the solution?
But just what does “happy” look like?
What images does the word “happy” conjure up for you? Does it represent a state of being which so far life has kept from you like a callous game of keep-away? Does your mind paint a pleasant scene of someone other than you skipping gleefully down a flowery stone path, indulging in an ice cream cone, and humming a joyful tune? Is it in that perfect relationship that you envision and yearn to be a part of, the one that looks nothing like the relationships you are currently experiencing?
If you Google the word “happy,” the first image that pops up is a giant yellow smiley face. Is that what it means to be happy?
If not, what does it mean to be “happy”?
And why do so many people claim not to experience it on a regular basis, if at all?
Our spiritual leaders teach us that a happy life is a peaceful life, doing what brings us joy. Our parents tell us their only wish for us is that they want us to be happy. But if we don’t have any real concept of what “happiness” is, how will we even know if we ARE happy….or, for that matter, have any idea how to get there?
Maybe we are closer to a state of happiness than we actually think we are. Perhaps we are simply hung up somewhere in that space between what we think “happy” looks like and what happiness truly is.
We have become a fun-seeking, happiness-producing society: Take more vacations. Engage in a hobby. Go out for date night. Ladies’ night out. Men’s night out. Eat more. Drink more. Play more. Get more. Do more. Have more. But what would happen if we valued no moment in life as more “fun” than another? What if we perceived all of life as equally fun, equally meaningful, equally purposeful?
Maybe happiness isn’t found in that which we think we are not doing enough of or in that which we think we are not getting enough of. What if we considered the possibility that happiness is already there, always there, patiently waiting for recognition, quietly knowing its potential? Perhaps happy is found in the deep sense of knowing that no matter what is taking place in my life right now, no matter how chaotic or discombobulated or challenging it may seem, that everything is occurring to serve my highest good and the highest good of all. Could we accept the nonsensicalness of it all, at last experiencing the highest level of happiness, knowing that life does not have to be one continuous sweeping run of “fun” experiences unfolding before our very eyes?
Maybe happiness is experienced in loving exactly where you are…and not where you think you should be.
Maybe happiness is experienced in loving exactly what you have…and not in what you imagine yourself to lack.
Maybe happiness is experienced in loving exactly who you are…and not in who you think you are supposed to be.
I don’t believe that happiness is reserved for a select few, nor is it earned or doled out to those who most deserve it. It is experienced within our choice to BE it. It is felt in companion with sadness and confusion. It is known in the moments when life requires us to stretch the furthest and bend the most and love the deepest.
What does “happy” look like to you?
(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
Dear Therese,
Recently someone I know sent me a really nasty e-mail out of the blue. I admit I don’t know this person well, but it still came as quite a shock and surprised me at how much I am upset by this. Should I write back? If I do, what should I say?
Surprised
Dear Surprised,
I don’t think it is going to come as any surprise that I am going to ask you to look at yourself in this situation. Not because I think you have done anything to cause this particular situation, mind you, but to simply ask yourself what in this situation is your moment of growth. Is this type of thing a usual trigger? Does someone being upset with you usually cause you to be unusually effected? Why do you worry so because this person was “mean” to you? I am sure you can come up with others to ask yourself!
I ask these questions because what you are experiencing is actually quite normal. What isn’t normal these days is to stop and understand that it doesn’t matter what anyone else says, it matters how you accept what they say, and how you choose to feel and be in the aftermath of the words. The children’s nursery rhyme had it right…sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never harm me!
I heard a little story (paraphrasing here, of course) that tells of the Buddha teaching the wife of a wealthy man. Her husband noticed that his wife had changed, and he did not like the change, so he found the Buddha and approached him in anger. The Buddha simply held up his hand and said, “I do not accept your gift of anger. Accept, instead, my gift of love.” And walked away, leaving the man standing silent, not knowing what to say.
“Start telling the truth now and never stop. Begin by telling the truth to yourself about yourself. Then tell the truth to yourself about someone else. Then tell the truth about yourself to another. Then tell the truth about another to that other. Finally, tell the truth to everyone about everything. These are the 5 levels of truth telling. This is the five-fold path to freedom.” ~Neale Donald Walsch
Surprised, what would happen if you gave a response that told her, even though gently, how you felt when she used those hurtful words? Not what you thought about them, but how you felt. Would that harm, or example how to appropriately communicate? I would suggest you respond with your gift of love.
I don’t know if you will see an instant change in the situation, although you may, but I do know that responding to her from the space of anger will not change anything. Share the truth about your feelings, expecting nothing but the ability to share as your reward for doing so. Plant the seed of example. Then let the universe handle how and when it will grow.
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net, which offers spiritual assistance from a team of Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less, and offers insight, suggestions, and companionship during moments of unbidden, unexpected, unwelcome change on the journey of life. She may be contacted at Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
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