Conversations with God
Recovery from addiction, self absorption, behavioral deficiencies, and even old world thinking are one in the same. The first thing that is needed for change to take place is desire. Many times it also takes outside pressure to make “flip the switch” in our brain.
Closed-mindedness is the enemy to change. Most of us have a desire to be “right” about how we do life. We spend an enormous amount of energy on proving ourselves to be correct and in the process making other “wrong.” Denial is a defense mechanism of the ego that we use to shield ourselves from criticism. The willingness to address this denial and closed-mindedness is critical to change, and ultimately, happiness.
Opening our minds to ideas that may seem foreign or “wrong” doesn’t mean accepting these things as true, it just means that we are willing to look and listen, maybe even try it out. We can always go back to our way of doing things if these new suggestions do not bring us to a greater place of joy and freedom. After all, isn’t joy and freedom what we are all looking for here? I haven’t met anyone who truly lives just to be more miserable. Yet some people spend a great deal of their lives, maybe even all of their lives, unhappy.
I’m here to say it doesn’t have to be that way.
Life is constantly changing. That is what life is all about. Everything is in motion at all times. It is certainly true that people are changing all the time. Resisting this change is where our unhappiness is rooted. Going with change, and accepting it, opens us up to feeling better about situations that we are not really comfortable in. Finding an attitude of gratitude, even for unpleasant experiences, will serve our happiness better in the long run. One of the most profound statements to come from CwG is “what you resist, persists.” The follow up to that is, “what you look at disappears.”
Developing a practice of quieting the mind is key to handling the stresses of life with more control and confidence. The minds of the addicted are constantly racing. The unharnessed mind is the enemy to serenity and peace. Many times in our lives our conflicts escalate because we don’t stop to think about the appropriate responses. Our society pressures us to have quick replies, and immediate results. We constantly find ourselves falling into the rabbit hole because we don’t stop to take a breath and quiet our mind before we fire off a retort.
Saying yes to opportunities that stretch our comfort zone often reaps fantastic rewards. If you have ever seen the movie Yes Man with Jim Carrey I have found this practice to be very much like the movie. In our active spiritual life we are inspired to call forth new experiences in our lives. We set our intentions on whatever it is, we say a prayer or two requesting things, then we sit back and wait for them to appear, only to be disappointed and discouraged.
We ask,”what is the problem?” I have done all the right things, set my intentions, prayed, put into place a mantra or incantation practice, and I still have not experienced what I asked for. We assume that God said no.
Well God never says no. The answer is always yes, and it is always immediate. The problem is, in most cases, we didn’t know what to look for. Many times the experience is dangled in front of us, but the road looks too scary or risky and we turn back. Sometimes we say no to things that appear out of the blue because we are skeptical or cynical.
Being aware that life is a contextual field reminds us that where one thing exists the opposite must also exist in order for us to fully grasp the grandness of anything. So if the opposite is presenting when you ask for a thing, bless it and thank it for its presence, for without the opposite we cannot appreciate the fullness of a thing.
So here is a quick list of my favorite practices. These are the things that I find expand my consciousness, while at the same time opening up more space for me to experience happiness, joy and freedom, the holy trinity of a wonderful life.
1. Yoga – Healing the body, focusing the mind, tending to the spirit. You cannot beat yoga for finding peace. Side benefits: the people you find in the rooms are on the same journey as you. Looking for peace, health, and love. Not just looking, but creating.
2. Reading – Find the books that open your heart and your mind. Study them deeply. If you find something that works, keep on doing it. Then share it. What you give to another you give to yourself.
3. Communicate- And when I say communicate I do not mean talking only. Listening is a lost art in our culture. So far lost that is really all people want from others is that they just listen. You don’t have to have the answers, in fact, you shouldn’t have the answers. We all have our own answers; many times we just need another to be a heart with ears. Listening, not judging or condemning.
4. Drop expectations – When we expect things to appear there can be only two results. One, we get the thing. Two, we don’t. And if we expect something and get the opposite result, suffering can take place. It is great to have a preference for a result, but expectations usually end in letdown.
5. Be creative – And I don’t mean painting pictures or drawing elaborate plans, although those are wonderful things to do. What I mean is intentionally create your state of being. Decide before hand what it is you wish to be, and then be it.
6. Step outside your comfort zone – It has been said that if your palms aren’t sweating, you aren’t living, and I believe that is true. Great joy can be found in putting on our big boy and girl pants and living on the edge of comfort. Sometimes this just looks like starting a conversation with a stranger on an elevator instead of staring at the wall wishing the doors would open.
(Kevin McCormack, C.A.d ,is a certified addictions professional and Recovery Advocate. He is a recovering addict with 26 years of sobriety. Kevin is a practicing auriculotherapist, recovery coach, and interventionist specializing in individual and family recovery. Kevin has a passion for holistic living, personal awareness training, and physical meditation. You can visit his website Life After Addicton for more information. To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@TheGlobalConversation.com)
Last month, my boyfriend of five years and I had an argument and we have not talked since. He considers this a breakup. He already had commitment issues and our relationship has been on and off again a few times. He is seeing another girl, not romantically yet, but as really close friends. As much as it saddened me, my spiritual learning so far has helped me to just accept things as they are, and neither blame him, myself or the other girl for my unhappiness.
I just finished reading Conversations with God Book One. I wish I had read it earlier so I would have been more aware of my Sponsoring Thought, that I was always scared of losing him. I feel my underlying thought pushed him away.
Neale says we can all create what we like, but in order to do that we must go in reverse: Act, Speak, Think. I would like your help in understanding that in my particular situation. What do I need to specifically do, how do I need to act in order to bring the guy I love back into my life and get married to him? It goes without saying that I love him very much. Any other guidance you can give me in this case will be highly appreciated too… Amy
Dear Amy,
I think you are confusing the Three Levels of Creation (Thought, Word and Action) with the Be-Do-Have paradigm. Conversations With God says that most of the time we mix up the order of things thinking, “If I Do this, I can Have That, then I’ll Be happy.” We also sometimes think, “If I Have this, then I can Do That, then I’ll Be happy.” CWG invites us to come from a state of Beingness first. Decide ahead of time what it is we choose to Be, not waiting for circumstances to dictate it, then allow everything we Do to come from that place. The Having part then falls into place automatically.
Now, pertaining to your boyfriend of five years, you should know that this process is not meant to be construed as a way to “bring him back into your life and get married to him”. This Be-Do-Have way of living isn’t some kind of voodoo or trick that you can play to get what it is you think you want. Remember, you are co-creating with your boyfriend and he has every bit as much right as you do to decide how he wants to live the rest of his life, with or without you.
My concern when reading your letter was the fact that you would even want to do that. You said in your first paragraph that your spiritual learning has helped you to accept the fact that he has moved on. So which is it? Do you accept his choice or do you want to try to use some sort of spiritual magic to bring him back? And if it is the latter, why do you not feel whole, complete and perfect without him?
I can tell you that because each of us is freedom at our core, when others sense that we want to to tie them down, or obstruct their freedom, it sends them flying the other way. If we come across as needy or unfulfilled, we are sending out big red flags to those who are in relationship with us.
You didn’t tell me your age, but it sounds as if you are rather young and you have your whole life ahead of you. The best advice I can give you, dear Amy, is to continue your spiritual learning so that you can much more fully realize how perfect you are all on your own. Spend quiet time with your soul so you can deeply know that, as an individuation of the One Divine Spirit, you encompass the same qualities It has, as a being that is totally without need—especially without need for another to complete you.
When you take enough time and energy to become very centered and you begin to know and express yourself as confident and kind, and as one who has no needs or expectations, the irony is, you then become irresistible to others!
(Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Life Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com.
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
Hi my name is (_________) and I am an addict, alcoholic, compulsive gambler, sex addict, risk taker, over-eater. These words are repeated daily by millions of people in recovery. The reason given for saying these things lies in the belief that those who forget are doomed to repeat. This is decent logic, but is there a better way to achieve the same result? And when I say better I mean, more effective. After all, isn’t effectiveness the goal of all that we do in life?
Life is all about the effects. Our thoughts, words and actions, are the process that we use to create the effects which we desire to experience in our lives. Not very many people would ever admit to striving for mediocrity, although behaviors may indicate otherwise. Most people wish for and strive for higher and higher effectiveness in their daily lives.
I’d like to call into question the logic of placing a derogatory statement about ourselves behind the two most powerful words in the human language. If those of us in recovery are seeking to remain abstinent from the substances and behaviors that we found ourselves unable to control, wouldn’t it stand to reason that we may want to make a more positive and empowering statement about who we are?
In the world of recovery there is most important thing is of course personal sobriety. In order to achieve and maintain long term sobriety a person either needs to be extremely determined not to use under any circumstances or create a life that is so grand that using would never even be an option. I recommend the second choice there if you are wondering. The first option is called abstinence or as the old timers would call it, “dry drunk.” The second option is called sobriety.
You may ask, what is the difference between abstinence and sobriety? That is a very good question. Abstinence is simply taking away the substance like alcohol or drugs and doing nothing at all about the underlying conditions that created the issues in the first place.
Sobriety is a daily practice of self awareness and self improvement. Persons who take on the role of raising their consciousness about themselves and their surroundings often find themselves to be happy and fulfilled, as well as inspiring to others. Sobriety in this form is very contagious and people flock to you to share in the energy.
Many words have negative energy as well as negative connotations surrounding them. Words like, junky, crackhead, drunkard, lush, addict, alcoholic etc, not only have a darkening effect on the user but also projects out that same dark energy to surrounding ears. Place the words “I am” right before them and we are actually summoning that definition to our reality.
There is a recovery film out now called “The Anonymous People.” If you get an opportunity to watch this please do. In this documentary the political history of the 12 step programs is investigated deeply. Many people have lobbied our politicians to find more funding for recovery programs and addiction treatment facilities. Currently the political answer to addiction is incarceration. Because we can all see how well the prison system is reforming people (sarcasm.)
So the question then becomes how is that one of the greatest public health threats, addiction, isn’t treated as a healthcare issue? One possible answer lies with the image of those of us in recovery. When a person who is not in recovery hears one of us introduce our self as, “Hi, I’m Kevin, and I am a drug addict.” They see a person with a moral deficiency.
The same “normal” person responds differently when I introduce myself in a more positive light. Hi, my name is Kevin McCormack. I am a person in long term recovery from the disease of addiction. For me long term means almost 27 years of continuous sobriety. In those 27 years I have experienced great things in my life such as a long term job of 20 plus years, continued education, but most of all the respect of my family, friends and self.
This type of shift in our language not only sheds light on the positive in our life which keeps our mind on what is most important, but it also brings about a certain level of respect and admiration from those who do not fully understand the disease of addiction.
Ultimately, personal recovery is goal number one, however, the twelve steps is very clear that “we cannot keep what we have without giving it away.” How can we give it away if we are hidden away in the basement of a church surrounded by those who have already found it?
Humanity would be well served if we took the anonymity of ourselves a little less literally. By all means I am not saying we should disclose someone else’s participation in recovery. But it serves very little good to keep who we are secret. It is time to stand together and raise the awareness of those in need. Recovery is possible. A happy, productive life is at your finger tips. Come walk with us, people in long term recovery who wish to help others achieve the same.
(Kevin McCormack, C.A.d ,is a certified addictions professional and Recovery Advocate. He is a recovering addict with 26 years of sobriety. Kevin is a practicing auriculotherapist, recovery coach, and interventionist specializing in individual and family recovery. Kevin has a passion for holistic living, personal awareness training, and physical meditation. You can visit his website Life After Addicton for more information. To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@TheGlobalConversation.com)
If, as Conversations with God says, “love is all there is,” why is our planet experiencing so much “hate”?
This question came up for me as I stared at a map of the United States created by the Southern Poverty Law Center which calculated the number of active “hate groups” existing in this country, state by state, in the year 2013. I also noticed, as I perused the map, that Florida, the state within which I currently reside, is documented as having the second-highest number of actual chartered groups of people who use “hate” as their platform. The state in which my son lives, California, is number one. You can view their map here.
According to the Southern Poverty Law Center’s website, they have used the definition of “groups who have beliefs or practices that attack or malign an entire class of people, typically for their immutable characteristics” as the basis upon which to collect their statistics and generate their map.
Typically, at least for me, when envisioning what has been labeled a “hate group,” there are certain sects of people that jump quickly to the forefront: Ku Klux Klan, Westboro Baptist Church, white/black supremacy and anti-LGBT organizations. Yes, these are the obvious ones, the ones we see in the news, the ones who we quickly identify as members of our community who have publicly announced their intolerance and separatist belief systems to the world.
But how far-reaching are the tentacles of the ideologies that support and innervate these factions? How deep do they flow into our own personal relationships? How are they impacting the thoughts and perspectives of the people who we find ourselves interacting with on a day-to-day basis? And what exactly constitutes “hate”? Do the recent racist comments of Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling fall into such a category? Do Aaron and Melissa Klein, owners of a bakery in Oregon, Sweet Cakes by Melissa, who refused to make a wedding cake for a lesbian couple based upon their Christian beliefs fall into such a category? Do the people who post humiliating and derogatory pictures of overweight people and children in Wal-Mart on Facebook even fall into such a category?
Conversations with God tells us that even the most egregious behaviors and actions are always rooted in love, that each and every choice we make, as distorted as it may be, is an outgrowth and expression of love. Even a child on the playground might take a ball or a toy away from one classmate with the intention of sharing it with his/her best friend. A single mother whose bank account has a negative balance may steal food from the local grocery store in order to feed her children for the day. And, yes, even in the taking of another life, underneath the violence and conflict, somewhere deep beneath what is readily visible, exists a complex, albeit convoluted, experience of love.
Perhaps “hate” is a strong word. Maybe the use of it rubs up against you in a coarse and uncomfortable way or it feels unnatural or in opposition to who believe yourself to be. If so, the next time you encounter someone, or even yourself, engaging in a behavior or using language that might have previously fallen under the umbrella of “hate,” what might happen if you ask yourself the question that began this whole conversation we are having here: Where is the love?
Yes, truly, where is it?
(Lisa McCormack is a Feature Editor at The Global Conversation and lives in Orlando, Florida. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
I have an online friend I met probably 15 years ago on a site that offered self-designated “experts” an opportunity to answer questions posted by readers. I signed up as an “expert” in more than 20 categories ranging from spirituality to divorce to GLBT relationships to death and dying. (The site offered hundreds of categories on everything from art to motorcycle repair to accounting. If you had a question, there was most likely a category for it to be asked.) Over the course of approximately 2 1/2 years while this site was in existence, this one questioner and I developed an online friendship that continued after the site closed down and we still interact on at least a weekly basis through other online venues. To say that this friend and I have opposite views on how to solve many of the issues challenging the world today would be an understatement.
To my friend, everything is a competition with a clear winner and a clear loser. And if you’re not the winner, you’re not trying hard enough. If you are the winner and you won “fair and square” (although what’s “fair and square” is a matter of debate), then you deserve everything you “won” and you’re under no obligation to share it with anyone else, no matter how badly someone else may need it. “Winners” are hard-working, reliable, dependable, employed, self-reliant; “losers” are unemployed, those on welfare or other public assistance (which indicates they are lazy, not resourceful (“where there’s a will there’s a way!”), slackers and freeloaders), needy and unreliable (if you can’t even support yourself, how can others (like family) rely on you to support them?). To my friend, there is this black and white world where you are one or the other: there is no middle ground. There are no other options. There is no compromise. If it’s mine, it’s mine and you have no right to try to take it from me or even to ask me to give it to you. If I choose to give it to you, then I am proving I am indeed a winner because I am willing to help the losers.
For 15 years, this friend and I have been debating social issues. We have, at the very least, demonstrated that it is possible for those on the polar opposite sides to have a civilized discussion about the issues, even if we never reach any sort of agreement on how to resolve those issues. But neither of us has had the least bit of success in “changing” the other’s mind about how to resolve the plethora of problems facing humanity today. Then one day I had an “Aha!” moment wherein I realized that while our solutions may be totally opposite, our goals are the same. We both want a world in which each individual is able to live according to the beliefs s/he holds dear without undue interference from the “outside” world.
In the CwG material, God tells us that all the problems in the world stem from the belief that we are separate from God and from each other. From this belief of separation, all the other illusions spring forth: that God requires something of us, that there is not enough for everyone and therefore we must compete with each other, even justifying killing each other to get what we need, that some of us are better than others because we are following the “right” path according to “God’s word”, etc. God also says that no matter what policies we change, no matter how we do things differently, nothing in our world is going to become what we say we want until we change one very basic thing: our beliefs about God and how we “relate” to God.
So after 15 years, I am done debating policy and procedure with my friend. It’s pointless because we humans, when challenged about the things we believe, tend to “dig in” and believe even harder, especially when someone points to factual evidence that counters what we believe. (There is actually a name for this: it’s called the “backfire effect”.) The more I try to show my friend that the way s/he wants to do things, the way that we’ve been doing it since the mid-80’s, is not working, the more s/he believes that the way we’ve been doing it just hasn’t been given a long enough chance to work!
But that doesn’t mean I’m giving up. Not at all. Just a change in strategies. The focus has to be on our Oneness. Those seeds have to be planted over and over and over again. Every response to those who still live in the fear that is virtually automatically generated by a “separatist” philosophy will contain the seeds of Oneness. Those seeds are plenty and are found throughout most sacred texts buried among the atrocities they ascribe to the Divine. We must dig them up from this fearful earth they have been planted in for the last two millenia and replant them, allowing them to bloom when planted in the field of Love. We may not be able to change their minds, but we may be able “change” their hearts.
Dear Readers: Today’s advice question comes from one of my students in the CWG Online School, who has recently decided and declared his life calling is to be a “good Samaritan.” When I read his response to one of our homework questions, I knew I wanted to share it with all of you in the hopes that you will gain from his experience:
As I was leaving a take-away shop with my dinner recently, I passed a guy who was just sitting on the sidewalk with no shirt on, an unkempt look, a bottle of beer and a shopping bag which seemed to have all his possessions in it. As I walked past he says, “Hey, old mate.” I chose to ignore him, thinking, “I do not need this hassle or want to deal with this at the moment. I just want to get home, I’m exhausted.” And I then let fear take over.
He says again, “Hey, old mate,” but louder this time. I chose to ignore him again and kept walking. Again he says “Hey, old mate,” and his voice is quite loud. This then got the better of me and I snapped at him and said quite loud myself, “Are you right? What’s Up?”
He then looked at me and slowly turned his head away and looked towards the ground – and I just got in the car and drove away, feeling angry and also like a heel. Then I beat myself up a bit and thought of a thousand different ways I could have handled this differently. I could have acknowledged him at least.
Maybe he was down on his luck and just hungry and I could have bought him a $9 meal from the take away shop, as I had the money. And not let fear take over. Maybe he might have only wanted to know what time it was, etc. So this was a real eye opener for me to see that I have a long way to go in having the right attitude and how I perceive others and how I might respond in unusual situations. I am feeling a little lost at the moment… Ben
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Oh, Ben, don’t you see the perfect irony in this “chance encounter”? If not, please let me show you how it looks from my perspective:
1. You decide and declare Who You Really Are, which is a good Samaritan.
2. You meet someone on the street who, in the past, would have frightened you, simply by his appearance—unkempt, drinking beer, apparently homeless.
3. You forget your decision to be a good Samaritan and you do the exact opposite, reacting as you would have in the past, rather than creating as you would like to from now on, when faced with this type of situation.
4. He looks you in the eye, then slowly looks away as if to say, “You forgot, Ben, to be a good Samaritan. Here I am giving you the perfect opportunity to fulfill exactly what it is you say you are, and you forgot.”
5. You, of course, feel terrible because your actions were out of alignment with your new decision about yourself.
Please, please forgive yourself for forgetting, dear sweet Ben. We all forget… until we don’t anymore. And remember this encounter, always. Then the next time something like this happens, you will choose differently, thus allowing yourself to feel really good about remembering, then acting on, your decision to be a good Samaritan.
Do you know what the definition of “sin” is? It’s missing the mark. Whose mark? Our own! When we commit a sin we’ve fallen short of who we say we are, knowing we could have done better. Now, “go and sin no more,” dear Ben. You are growing into higher and higher states of awareness, and these growing pains are all part of the process. This is Life, giving you the right and perfect opportunities for you to step into your next grandest version of the greatest vision you ever held about Who You Are.
This was a perfect life lesson for you. And now, the “Moral of the Story”:
When you lose, don’t lose the lesson!
(Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Life Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com.
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
I remember it like it was yesterday. I was very young, maybe eleven or twelve years old, hanging out with a friend at “The Pit.” The Pit, as we called it, was an old foundation of a house that was dug into the ground. We made a makeshift roof out of junk wood and metal we had gathered up from our neighborhood. This became our version of a tree house that we would hang out in and do “kid stuff.”
At this point in our young lives, “kid stuff” was gathering up Playboy magazines and stealing beer and cigarettes from our houses and maybe even some of our neighbors’ houses. (Sorry, Mom and neighbors.) Call it boredom, call it fitting in, call it copying adult behavior, or call it small-town living. Whatever you call it, not every kid did it the same way, so the bottom line is this was just our way.
I was raised Catholic. My family went to church pretty regularly and I attended Sunday School taught by the priest or nuns. My brother was an altar boy, and I choose to follow in his footsteps. I really think I did it because sitting in church was murderously boring, and at least being an altar boy gave me a job and a purpose for being there.
I certainly listened to the teaching. Again, some of it did not interest me much and other parts of it were just confusing. I did, however, learn that good people went to heaven and bad people went to hell. This seemed to be the crux of every fable, story, or parable that we examined. I also learned that the lines were sketchy, at best, of what was the difference between “good” and “bad.” There were some behaviors that the teaching was pretty clear on, though. And by the time I was a pre-teen, I had already done some of the “bad” ones.
Now, I don’t know if the church was clear on the whole “forgiveness of sins” thing, or perhaps I didn’t pay very close attention to that part, but I was pretty sure that there was a good chance that I was doomed to hell at an early age. And to be really honest, I didn’t care. If I am going to be completely candid here, I will admit that I never really cared for the whole “born in sin” thing. In fact, it really made me kind of mad.
Back to that day in “The Pit.” My friend and I had just found a new thing to do. I do not remember who, what, or where we got the idea from, but we decided to crush a bunch of No Doz tablets up and snort them. I clearly remember us saying “since I’m going to hell anyway.”
I would like to be really clear here that I do not blame my religious upbringing on my decision to practice risky behaviors like abusing drugs. The point I am trying to make here is that I believe that my young mind rejected the idea of my being born in sin. The term “sin,” to me, meant “bad.” So if all people where born “bad,” what is the point of that? What message does that send to someone of that age? Or for any age, for that matter?
Here is where your personal power can be experienced: Stop calling yourself bad, stop labeling your behavior as bad, stop judging others’ behaviors as bad. Look at things and see if they are producing the outcome which you desire. If not, call them “no longer useful” and move away from them.
Start taking notice of your preferences. There is a huge distinction between “preference” and “addiction.” If your choices are not producing the life you say you want to lead, choose again. Does this sound too good to be true? I assure you it isn’t. And people are doing it all the time. The only thing that limits you is what you think limits you.
The only thing stopping you from making changes in your life is your fear of the unknown. Life is here to conspire with you, not against you. It has been my experience, and the experience of many others, that when we decided to give sobriety a chance, life got better. The Soul offers us unlimited grandeur; the Mind desires to keep things small. The Mind is all about survival; the Soul knows survival is guaranteed.
I choose today to hold beliefs that serve my purpose. Fear-based beliefs no longer work for me. Conversations with God tells us that “obedience is not creation.” I would say that obedience is an escape hatch that we use in order to not be responsible for our choices. I have heard Neale say, “no one ever does anything they do not want to do.” I have placed a great deal of thought into that statement, and I would agree.
“Most people on earth don’t believe in God as God really is because it is just simply too good to be true.” ~ NDW
(Kevin McCormack, C.A.d ,is a certified addictions professional and auriculotherapist. He is a recovering addict with 26 years of sobriety. Kevin is a practicing auriculotherapist, recovery coach, and interventionist specializing in individual and family recovery. Kevin has a passion for holistic living, personal awareness training, and physical meditation. You can visit his website Life After Addicton for more information. To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@TheGlobalConversation.com)
In early recovery, the old-timers will tell you, “Take the cotton out of your ears and stick it in your mouth.“ This is not bad advice for the newly sober person, as listening is a lost art for people in general, not solely for the newcomer in sobriety. But I had ideas and desires, along with enthusiasm, yet not very much patience.
You see, I wanted to start a Narcotics Anonymous meeting in my town. Oh, we had plenty of Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, and on some nights there were more than two happening at the same time. I had plenty of support in getting sober with the AA people, yet I desired something different. I had been to NA meetings while I was in rehab and really resonated with the people and message being offered there. For me, it was just something that I wanted to do and I set out to do so.
When I began asking around as to how I should go about starting a meeting, I was told by everyone that I needed to wait until I had more clean time under my belt before taking on such a project. I didn’t understand, but I did accept what I was being told. I gave the old-timers the respect they had earned and did not want to endanger my sobriety. So I set a goal. At 90 days clean, I was going to start the first NA meeting in my home town!
Little did I know at the time that what I was experiencing life in a new way. I had set a goal and now needed to wait for a time set in the future to have it materialize. During the next few weeks, which at the time must have seemed like an eternity, I gathered information and the contacts who would help to make my dream a reality. On or around my 90-day mark in recovery, myself and two others started the Tuesday night “Just For Today“ NA meeting in Port Jervis, New York.
Setting goals and then watching them materialize is foundational work in our spiritual growth. We may begin with small goals and then work up to bigger plans. As more and more of our dreams and desires materialize, we begin to believe that the universe is a friendly place willing to support us. Remembering to give thanks to those who help us along, along with being grateful to life for supporting us, brings about a state of being that is positive and uplifting.
Setting goals is pure creation. Tell the universe what it is you wish to do and watch it line up just the perfect people and circumstances for you to experience just that. It happens all the time to everybody. If you are not experiencing this, there can only be two reasons:
1. You are not finished yet. Never give up, never quit. Many times we cave in to defeat moments before victory is at our hands.
2. You have set the goals but there is some thought or action that is sending out a message that is either negating the original message or delaying the manifestation.
So dream big, and small. Don’t be afraid to fail, because you simply cannot fail. Failure is quitting before the miracle. Do something each day to move yourself and the universe in the direction you wish it to go. If you find yourself thinking in a negative way about your goal, remember that thought is energy and the universe responds in kind. Believe in yourself, believe in others, and ultimately be thankful in advance for the successful completion to your ideas.
(Kevin McCormack, C.A.d ,is a certified addictions professional and auriculotherapist. He is a recovering addict with 26 years of sobriety. Kevin is a practicing auriculotherapist, recovery coach, and interventionist specializing in individual and family recovery. Kevin has a passion for holistic living, personal awareness training, and physical meditation. You can visit his website Life After Addicton for more information. To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@TheGlobalConversation.com)
It’s a classic parenting situation. You visit a quaint little coffee shop for story time. Another mom or dad walks in and sits next to you while his or her child begins to play with yours. One of you, it doesn’t matter who, strikes up a conversation and after a few moments of small talk you begin to find many commonalities. By the end of the story, phone numbers are exchanged and play-dates arranged. We all know the thrill of finding a new friend on the desert island of parenting, especially if you are a stay-at-home parent who doesn’t get much adult interaction.
I have heard from numerous readers that frequently on a second or third play-date, a seemingly innocuous question is asked, “Where do you go to church?” Do you have a comfortable answer at the ready or do you share the experience of others, with unconventional spiritual beliefs, of awkward silence followed by a stumbling explanation of your world view? Do you live in an area where your New Age Spiritual Beliefs are readily accepted by people with more Traditional Religious Beliefs or do become flush with worry that you might be alienated and lose the potential future play-dates for your child?
Hopefully, this hasn’t been your experience and, instead, the people around you are accepting, full of love and tolerance – adept at embracing differences. But if you have been in this situation and you were met with trepidation, misunderstanding, or even fear that you might try to convert them “to the occult” – you are not alone. (This illustration, of course, should not be construed to indicate that you necessarily believe in anything that can be attributed to the occult, nor that there is anything wrong with it if you do; but only to show that sometimes beliefs outside of the mainstream are viewed as scary by traditionalists).
Here are some questions to ponder: Does it make you hesitate to be completely honest the next time you are asked about your beliefs in a new situation? Have you tried to find “work-arounds” that aren’t necessarily lies, but aren’t really true either? An example might be, “Well, we don’t really go to church” – without divulging that you don’t ascribe to traditional religion. Have you devised an answer that equates your beliefs to something more relatable for others? One such answer might be, “We believe something very similar to Buddhism,” although you aren’t exactly in line with it.
Do you just avoid the topic? Do you lie to avoid confrontation, or tell the whole truth knowing that if they choose to end a budding friendship over this they were not meant to be your friends anyway? Does it make a difference, even if you believe in living a “Christ-like” existence, if you admit that do not consider yourself to be a Christian (if that is the case)? Do you worry about the negative consequences others’ condemnation will have on your child? Are you careful not to judge others for their beliefs?
How do you balance teaching your child to be true to himself with the risk that if he talks about his spirituality the other child’s parents might discontinue outings, and what if the majority of people around you feel this way and it could directly impact his opportunity for friends? (A very real proposition in some parts of the world.)
I hope and believe when you show people Who You Really Are, most will appreciate and love you, regardless of your perceived differences. Really, there is no right or wrong way to handle this situation and I think it might be helpful to remember that Separation from other human beings, especially when it comes to beliefs, is a myth. Conversations with God stands to remind that We Are All One and all beliefs are just parallel pathways to love, peace and connectedness.
Spirituality is a very personal decision. You can be private about it and avoid outward confrontation, but that might cause an internal struggle. On the other hand, you can choose to be open, honest, and live without fear of other’s reactions. I can tell you from my own experiences in the Midwest (of the US) that this can be hard, although pure authenticity is what I desire.
Even readers of this online community have varied interpretations of the words God, Love, The Universe, The All, and/or The Source so there is obviously not going to be a single answer with which every person in the New Spirituality can answer these questions. In fact, many CwG readers use the other words in place of God.
My call to action, here and now, is for us to support each other with advice and recommendations in the comment section below. How would you handle this type of situation? What would you do if you were faced with someone from the traditional religions showing fear that you will corrupt them? How do you protect your child from being hurt as a result? How do you coach your child to know what parts of her beliefs and ideas to share and what parts to keep on reserve? Let’s have a brainstorming conversation!
As always, I send peace and love to your family!
(Emily A. Filmore is the Creative Co-Director of www.cwgforparents.com. She is also the author/illustrator of the “With My Child” Series of books about bonding with your child through everyday activities. Her books are available at www.withmychildseries.com. To contact Emily, please email her at Emily@cwgforparents.com.)
I lost my job last year and although I’ve been looking for a new one, I am not working yet. My unemployment benefits have run out, so I’m just living on savings which is pretty scary.
However, on the bright side I am currently taking classes to become certified as a Microsoft Office Specialist. I have passed my Outlook and PowerPoint exams, and received my certifications for those. I’m studying for my Excel certification now, and will finish with Word after that. The classes, study, and practice are keeping me pretty busy and don’t leave much time for the job search, but my main focus right now is completing them as soon as possible so that I’ll be more marketable.
How can I maintain faith, confidence, and a positive attitude during times of uncertainty about career, finances, etc.?… Angie
Dear Angie… All times are uncertain times! It’s only our thought that any particular times are “certain”—that our career and finances are ever really secure. If we look deeply at life, though, we see that it is always moving, always changing, and nothing ever stays the same.
In our parents’ day and age many of our fathers held the same jobs for decades. I only have one friend, though, out of hundreds, who has had a job with the same company since we graduated from college, and I can tell you that he has never been completely happy in it. I suppose he has stayed for the seeming security of it, but I am amazed that he hasn’t been “kicked out of the nest” because it has never seemed to be very soul-fulfilling for him. You see, life has a way of calling us to evolve, and when we ignore that call over and over again, very often the soul will cause us to evolve in a way that doesn’t feel very good to us. Sometimes this takes the form of what looks like a loss, as in getting laid off or fired from a job. Perhaps my friend has managed to stay with the same company because they have transferred him several times, giving him promotions and new opportunities for expansion each time.
I wonder, Angie, if you were you completely happy in the job you had. Did you absolutely love it? Or did, perhaps, you feel you were ready to move into something larger?
The fact that you are taking this opportunity to further develop your skills is perfect! You have taken what looked like an obstacle and turned it into a golden opportunity. Good for you!
Prosperity follows passion, and the more you do what you love, the more opportunity life will give you to do what you love.
Know that everything that happens in life inures for your benefit, dear Angie. Please do not for one second allow fear to take over your thoughts. Look deeply into the face of fear and question every single thought that your mind conjures about what could happen, then ask, well, if that happened, then what would happen? And if that happened, then what would happen? This is called the “So What? Process” and it helps us to see that no matter what happens in our lives, we will still survive, one way or another.
Look at the example of what happened to Neale: Things in his life spiraled downward to the point that he lived in a tent for two weeks shy of a year. Yes, it was a very very tough experience for him, but look how he rebounded from it. Within a relatively short period of time he literally went from rags to riches, and today he avows that it was one of the best things that ever happened to him! He has literally had nothing and he has literally had everything he could possibly want, and he says that both experiences left him with the same question:
“Now what?!”
You have experienced a taste of this, and you answered the question in the highest way possible for yourself. You decided to re-create anew the next grandest version of the greatest vision you ever held about yourself, Angie, and in doing so you have done exactly what CWG invites us to do.
Now, just keep going. You were guided to go back to school, and you will be guided as to what’s highest and best for you to do when you finish your studies. Try not to expect it to look a certain way. For example, maybe you will freelance several small jobs instead of having one full-time job. Maybe you will be self-employed instead of being an employee. Just trust that the continuing opportunities will be there for you and you will be fine.
You are deeply loved, guided and supported more than you know and you always have a host of angels with you, every step of the way. I look forward to hearing back from you this time next year. You will marvel at what all you’ve been able to accomplish!
(Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Life Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com.
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
