February, 2013

When it’s not selfish to be selfish.

by Therese Wilson
February 5, 2013

Dear Therese,

I am a young stay at home mother of two, happily married, and I am a fairly spiritual person. My life is really good, but I still feel kind of depressed. I read CWG saying that my life isn’t about me, it’s about others, so I give all I can to my children, my husband and I do volunteer work. I think I need some “me” time, but I feel guilty because that might take away from my giving to others. What am I missing? Aren’t I supposed to feel better because I am giving?

Ann in Missouri

Dear Ann,

Yes! You are supposed to feel better, but it isn’t your fault that you don’t. Cultural influences around the world tell us that women are not supposed to be selfish, that they are not equal to men, that they should be ashamed, and that time for themselves is time they should be using to give. They have it backwards.

Ann, you are one of the “others” that you can give to. You are certainly an “other” to those who know you. Are you trying to do all of this alone, or are you reaching out and taking help when it is offered? I know that I thought I had to be strong and independent…but it only isolated me. It is not weakness to ask for help. If it is okay to give to others, it is also okay to give to yourself.

Let me expand on that. If you do not fill yourself up, do you realize that you are not really giving as well as you think you are? When you are running on fumes, even if you are giving all that you are capable of giving, the person to whom you are giving still knows they are not being given the very best you can give. They may not know why something doesn’t feel right and true, but they know it, and don’t accept your efforts in the way you think they should…which means your effort was inefficient at best. We do no one full justice when we do not give ourselves full justice. When we are insufficiently full, we give insufficiently.

It is not selfish to have “me” time, if the intent of that time is to make yourself whole, so that you may give of yourself well. That is the mistake we make in our cultures.

selfish |ˈselfi sh |

adjective

(of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure.

Sweetie, you do not fit the description of “selfish”. You do fit the description of tired, and needing to fill yourself.

Taking “me” time can take many forms. The first form I would suggest is simply using the word “no” more often. If you are like me, the kids will invariably come into the bathroom whenever you are there…close the door! I even wrote a poem once called, “The Temple That is my Bathroom”! quiet, personal time, consciously taken, does not need a special space. Take a bubble bath, or long hot shower, and shave those legs or use that loofah for more than 10 seconds…consciously enjoying the delicious time taken just for you. Meditate…there are many ways of meditating that don’t require you to sit for an hour, including simply being aware of your breath, or stopping for a moment and noticing who you are with respect to your surroundings.

There are grander things, of course, like taking a short vacation by yourself, or with your spouse to get reacquainted, going to two movies in the same day, auditioning for a play (not volunteering, unless it allows you to move into an area of joy you don’t usually get to experience), or sending the kids off to grandmother’s for a week. Consider going on a retreat.

“Me” time is essential…and you should also thank your depression for helping you to be aware of what is not working for you. Depression gets a bad rap in this world. Yes, there are people who are clinically depressed, and that is a very different thing, but most of us are called by depression to do something very simple…to stop…and listen to our bodies and our spirit, and recognize what is not working. Pay attention to it. It could also be a sign that you are not eating well, BTW, so remember that you are a mind/BODY/spirit being.

So, sweet Ann, be selfish. You just might find your full magnificence if you are!

Therese

(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net, which offers spiritual assistance from a team of Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less, and offers insight, suggestions, and companionship during moments of unbidden, unexpected, unwelcome change on the journey of life. She may be contacted at Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)

(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

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Our Children in These Times of Change

Are we confused about love?

by Laurie Lankins Farley
February 4, 2013

As I take more time to look around and examine what is going on in the world today, it has become clear to me that most people are confused about the true nature of love. In the book The Storm Before the Calm, Neale Donald Walsch says you may ask yourself, “What is confusing about love?” However, I believe the question could be, “What is the true nature of love and could I have it confused with something else?”

I have stated in my writing before that love is a feeling, not just a word. Love is, in my opinion, part of our DNA. It can’t be avoided. It is the nature of the human soul to experience the feeling of love, especially between a parent and child. It is the kind of love that never separates you no matter what. No distance, no absence, etc., can dissolve a love that is born unto you.

So as I observe some relationships between parents and their children, I have strongly begun to suspect that what I am witnessing may actually be a confused idea about the true nature of love. In our society today, we have put fear in place of love, control in place of love, guilt in place of love, or other emotions have been expressed in place of love. As a parent, it is quite common to allow those emotions, actions, and reactions to show through, shadowing the true nature of love.

What is the true nature of love?

It is you…just being. It is teaching, it is understanding, compassion, tears, laughter, and it is nature itself. There is nothing you have to do to love, nothing you have to be. Love is just being, allowing, and listening. I am not suggesting that as a parent you should not react to anything or not express frustration or even anger; I am merely suggesting that love is just there and you can nurture it through that understanding.

The true nature of love is “hot-wired” in our developing brain in the womb. For example, our sexual orientation is within that wiring, but many strongly believe that is not natural to love and share in a physical relationship with the same gender. However, very young children do not see gender. Sure, on the outside they might notice differences, but not on the inside, not in the soul. That, in my opinion, is the true nature of love.

Let me give a stronger example. What if we, the human race, never spoke a single word to one another? What if love was only expressed through our actions with everyone we encountered on a daily basis, and especially with our children? What if words never influenced any of us regarding politics, religion, the color of our skin, our sexual orientation, etc? How do you think your child would view the world, themselves, their parents, their friends? And as they grew, how do you think this would affect how they would internalize love and show love outwardly in the world? Imagine if we couldn’t express judgment onto our children through our confusion about the true nature of love? What if we, rather, allowed them to just be what they are, “Love,” through guidance, affection, compassion and the five natural emotions – explained in Conversations with God as love, fear, envy, anger and grief- of course, all while doing so without condition!

My thought is that if we begin to understand that we have a confused idea about the true nature of love…and then move toward an expression of pure love…our world would change, morph into a beautiful ball of loving energy. I can have that idea about love, can’t I?

(Laurie Lankins Farley has worked with Neale Donald Walsch for approximately 10 years. She is the Executive Director of his non-profit The School of the New Spirituality and creative co-director of CwGforParents.com. Laurie has published an inspirational children’s book “The Positive Little Soul.” She can be contacted at Parenting@TheGlobalConversation.com.)

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What Others Are Saying

The bully soulution

by Guest Author
February 4, 2013

“But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.” (Matt. 5:44)

“What hurts you so much that you feel you have to hurt me in order to heal it?” ~ Neale Donald Walsch

The dilemma of bullies is ancient, and we see it today on the playground, at work, and in cyberspace. I’ve seen enough articles and people asking about this problem that it warrants important consideration.

It surprises and perplexes me that when I see this played out in the
mainstream news media (television, magazines, etc.), that they seem to
ignore a simple technique that will transform bullying, neutralize it,
and even create a blessing as a result.

What’s the solution or soulution? It was the first thing quoted above. Matt. 5:44 I’ll modernize it in a moment.

First, the solution or soulution is not often acceptable to people who want to stay in the problem-centered, negative or victim drama mode. Nevertheless, for those who may be agonizing over this, are dealing with this at this moment, or know someone who is, and are spiritually open-minded & open-hearted, a wonderful soulution is available.

It’s worked and played in my life and in others’ lives. Rather elegant & simple, it’s based on the quote above.

Its effectiveness and simplicity throws some people off, and even creates disruption because they want to dismiss, minimize, and marginalize it. Instead, they prefer to stay in the drama and victim-hood mentality for as long as they feel necessary. For the rest of us, there’s a spiritual, psychological soulution.

This method or technique can work for bullies at school or work, in cyberspace, hate groups, such as gay bashers and racial hate groups, etc. Its effectiveness goes way beyond bullying, but because of the serious nature, especially with kids in school, and especially with cyber bullying and people in the work place, I’m especially signaling this out for those dealing with bullies.

Think of the often quoted passage of Jesus, “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.” (Matt. 5:44) It’s in this passage and in the spirit of it that the soulution awaits.

The soulution: Radiating and pouring forth Light and Love on the person who is doing the bullying.

I like to say waterfall Light and Love on this person or persons/group, etc. Surround them with Light and Love and watch what happens. Watch what kind of energy change is created.

A few personal examples:
Let me give you an example or two. I’ve been in work situations where I’ve been potentially bullied, and stuck up for myself right away. In one case, the person was someone who pushed his weight around literally, in that he was a huge man who few would tangle with. I didn’t really like his attitude, but he made it known he was out to get me and I should stay out of his way.

What I did every night from work was to sit in my chair, visualize him, and pour light on him. It was not very easy, at first. I disliked him for the unfairness of the situation in which I was placed. Even as I poured light on him, I could see he was still angry. Now, mind you, this is all going on in my mind…my mental, emotional
experience.

As time went on and I did this daily, and my visualization of him being angry and unreceptive started to shift, and when I was imagining, visualizing, and pouring light and love on him, he started to become more receptive and finally started to accept more of the light and love I was showering. Now, even though this all played out in my mind, I was working and playing to make an emotional shift away from the negative energy I felt I was unfairly being vented with.

Yet, as my visualization shifted, eventually, so did he. About 2 weeks later, working on a particular project, he came over and asked me to do a simple easy task on a project he was working on, which I did. His response was, “Ya know what? You’re all right,” and then he left. This told me that in his own way, he was saying that the situation was neutralized and we were cool. I knew that my pouring light and love on this had created a new energy that resolved this conflict.

This happened again years later at a job where I refused to do something because another person was pulling rank on me as a new guy, and I would not give in and stuck up for what I felt was right. This person, a woman, really got mad and took it upon herself to belittle me in front of others, in an extremely inappropriate way. However, I knew she was acting out her pain on me, and I did not take it personally. I knew that my pouring of light and love on her would eventually change the situation toward the influence of that positive love and light energy.

It took a lot longer, as this woman was very stubborn and really continued to act out, showing contempt and hate for me. Again, it was a bit challenging to put this light and love on her when she continued such rude behavior, yet I persisted. I was quite sure she’d eventually change her attitude, or leave my experience, or that my situation would change for the better without her continuing to be in my experience.
After working on this for four to six weeks, she was fired. Remember, I poured the light and love on her, yet she did not want to change her attitude, so life created an experience where each energy would be best expressed.

Sometimes when you start waterfalling Light and Love on the situation, the drama may temporarily escalate and flare up even more dramatically. This can be due to the chemicalization process of your good energy vibrations mixing with their self hatred or negative hurt energy.

They may try even more drastic measures. This is when some people start to worry that what they are doing does not seem to be working. Don’t worry. This shows that you are having a effect on them and as these opposing energies mix, the chemicalization drama is sometimes (not always) the result.

Realize that this is temporary and as you waterfall the Love and Light on them, it will neutralize the drama. This is a critical point to remember, as your Love energy moves in, they can sometimes rebel dramatically, but only temporarily. As you are consistent in your good energy out flow, they will eventually either, move into your good energy, leave you alone or move out of your experience.

The Key here is that you don’t play the blame or victim game or card. “It’s the bully’s fault, they are to blame, they are the reason my life is currently so miserable,” etc. Instead, you proactively work and play to adjust your thinking and feelings around this by actively proactively taking charge of how you are responding and being around this situation. You don’t have to do this. Of course, many don’t, yet I’m here to say that if you desire this to be resolved for the betterment of you and the one bullying, you now have a new choice on how to be and show up in relation to this hurt energy they misdirect toward you. That’s why you were directed by life to this article.

Always let light and love be the waterfalling energy toward those who would bully you or create unfair work or life conditions for you. The energy you send, express and give will express itself back to you in a very beneficial way, without harming them. They will either change their attitudinal energy, move away from you, or be promoted out of your experience in an appropriate way for all involved, especially you.

The loving, compassionate energy we send and give to those who treat us unfairly will optimistically and positively influence the environment we are in. I believe this to be true of most, if not all, bullying situations.

That’s it! It’s that simple!

“But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.” (Matt. 5:44) [and you will see, feel and experience the blessings of Light and Love.]

Love and Light poured on those that hurt, heals their hurt and changes your experience for the better.

Bully and suicides often leave out the mental illness that is also present in certain cases and sound byte articles often (not always) offer more simplistic answers to more complex issues that also play out as part of the overall picture.

An update article link of interest 2.9. 2012:

Bullying and Suicide

Another bully article update added 10.3.2011
By The Week Yahoo news: “Can dogs reduce bullying in schools?”

Educators across the country are using canines to teach compassion and social responsibility. From surfing to sniffing out cancer, what can’t dogs do? Now, USA Today reports that a number of school programs across the country are using dogs to teach kids empathy and compassion in an effort to help curb school bullying. Here, a brief guide: How are dogs fighting bullying?

Kansas City schools have a program called “No More Bullies,” in which program volunteers, accompanied by trained dogs, teach kids about fairness, compassion, and integrity for one hour a day over five days. “The animals are the glue that helps the children stay focused and understand the message,” says Jo Dean Hearn, an ex-teacher who developed the program. “Children can easily identify with an animal. And it’s easy for them to transition when we ask them to consider how an animal feels (if ill treated) to how the kid sitting near them feels (if poorly treated).”

Are there similar programs in other parts of the country?

You bet. Last year, the Yale University School of the 21st Century and the Pet Savers Foundation of North Shore Animal League America launched a program called Mutt-i-grees to help children learn how to be more kind — toward people and animals. The program, which typically employs a dog-shaped hand puppet instead of an actual dog, is now used in 900 elementary schools in 28 states, and it’s being expanded to junior high and high schools. Also, the Healing Species program, founded a decade ago in South Carolina, uses rescue dogs to help children and teens recover from abuse and learn self-esteem, empathy, and other core values.

Do these programs really work?

They seem to. The “No More Bullies” program is so popular that there’s a long waiting list for next year. While it’s still too early to evaluate the Mutt-i-grees program, most of the teachers who participated said their students’ social, emotional, and problem-solving skills improved. A study published in 2008 found that suspensions for violent behavior declined by 55 percent among students who participated in the Healing Species program, and general aggression and retaliation went down by 62 percent. Teachers and guidance counselors also reported improved grades and a more than 80 percent increase in their students’ ability to walk away from conflicts.

Sources: Healing Species, Mutt-i-grees, USA Today, Wichita Eagle

(Marko Damkoehler is an artist/writer/musician and creator of markoworld.com, as well as an avid student of CwG. He is also one of the Spiritual Helper Moderators on the changingchange.net website.)

(If you would like to contribute an article you have authored to the Guest Column, please submit it to our Managing Editor, Lisa McCormack, for possible publication in this space. Not all submissions can be published, due to the number of submissions and sometimes because of other content considerations, but all are encouraged. Send submissions to Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com. Please label the topic: “Guest Column.”)

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Somebody Asked Me

How to keep a sense of Oneness with people we disagree with?

by Annie Sims
February 2, 2013

CWG says we are all one and it feels true to me at an intellectual level, but I have a hard time feeling one with people I disagree with, especially politicians. Sometimes they make me so mad! How can I keep the feeling of Oneness with them in spite of what they do? Thanks for your help … Mia

Dear Mia… Boy, do I know how you feel! There was a certain president here in the U.S. who spent eight years doing exactly the opposite of what I wanted. I spent tons of time trying to undo all the damage I thought he was doing because they were issues that were very important to me. I didn’t feel our Oneness because I was carrying a lot of anger and resentment towards him. Looking back on it now, I realize I would have handled it much better if I’d stayed in my God-space through it all. Knowing, as CWG says, that God is always Joyful, Loving, Accepting, Blessing and Grateful, here’s how that might have looked:

1. I could have chosen to stay Joyful in spite of the things he did that I vehemently disagreed with.

2. I could have chosen to feel Loving toward him, knowing that we are connected as part of the One.

3. I could have chosen to be Accepting of his actions without condemning them by working toward a different goal without resistance.

4. I could have chosen to Bless him, knowing he was doing what he thought was right and best, given his model of the world.

5. I could have chosen to feel Grateful for the contrast that his actions provided me, giving me the opportunity to define and refine myself.

So here is the challenge for both of us, Mia: Can we disagree with someone’s actions, yet stay consciously connected to them in a loving way? I believe we can, but it takes an ongoing mindful intention to do so. As you see in my model above, it all comes down to choice. It’s up to us to be the peace we wish to see in the world.

Masters don’t let anything shake them from their calm and sense of Unity because they trust that the Universe knows exactly what It is doing and It doesn’t make mistakes. They set an example for all of us to work toward that will benefit not only the little “us” but also the big “Us”. When we stay in our joy and peace regardless of outside events and others’ actions, we stay vibrationally in alignment with all the good our Source has to offer, uplifting all of us.

Hope this helps, Mia!

(Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com

(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)