The bully soulution
February 4, 2013
“But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.” (Matt. 5:44)
“What hurts you so much that you feel you have to hurt me in order to heal it?” ~ Neale Donald Walsch
The dilemma of bullies is ancient, and we see it today on the playground, at work, and in cyberspace. I’ve seen enough articles and people asking about this problem that it warrants important consideration.
It surprises and perplexes me that when I see this played out in the
mainstream news media (television, magazines, etc.), that they seem to
ignore a simple technique that will transform bullying, neutralize it,
and even create a blessing as a result.
What’s the solution or soulution? It was the first thing quoted above. Matt. 5:44 I’ll modernize it in a moment.
First, the solution or soulution is not often acceptable to people who want to stay in the problem-centered, negative or victim drama mode. Nevertheless, for those who may be agonizing over this, are dealing with this at this moment, or know someone who is, and are spiritually open-minded & open-hearted, a wonderful soulution is available.
It’s worked and played in my life and in others’ lives. Rather elegant & simple, it’s based on the quote above.
Its effectiveness and simplicity throws some people off, and even creates disruption because they want to dismiss, minimize, and marginalize it. Instead, they prefer to stay in the drama and victim-hood mentality for as long as they feel necessary. For the rest of us, there’s a spiritual, psychological soulution.
This method or technique can work for bullies at school or work, in cyberspace, hate groups, such as gay bashers and racial hate groups, etc. Its effectiveness goes way beyond bullying, but because of the serious nature, especially with kids in school, and especially with cyber bullying and people in the work place, I’m especially signaling this out for those dealing with bullies.
Think of the often quoted passage of Jesus, “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.” (Matt. 5:44) It’s in this passage and in the spirit of it that the soulution awaits.
The soulution: Radiating and pouring forth Light and Love on the person who is doing the bullying.
I like to say waterfall Light and Love on this person or persons/group, etc. Surround them with Light and Love and watch what happens. Watch what kind of energy change is created.
A few personal examples:
Let me give you an example or two. I’ve been in work situations where I’ve been potentially bullied, and stuck up for myself right away. In one case, the person was someone who pushed his weight around literally, in that he was a huge man who few would tangle with. I didn’t really like his attitude, but he made it known he was out to get me and I should stay out of his way.
What I did every night from work was to sit in my chair, visualize him, and pour light on him. It was not very easy, at first. I disliked him for the unfairness of the situation in which I was placed. Even as I poured light on him, I could see he was still angry. Now, mind you, this is all going on in my mind…my mental, emotional
As time went on and I did this daily, and my visualization of him being angry and unreceptive started to shift, and when I was imagining, visualizing, and pouring light and love on him, he started to become more receptive and finally started to accept more of the light and love I was showering. Now, even though this all played out in my mind, I was working and playing to make an emotional shift away from the negative energy I felt I was unfairly being vented with.
Yet, as my visualization shifted, eventually, so did he. About 2 weeks later, working on a particular project, he came over and asked me to do a simple easy task on a project he was working on, which I did. His response was, “Ya know what? You’re all right,” and then he left. This told me that in his own way, he was saying that the situation was neutralized and we were cool. I knew that my pouring light and love on this had created a new energy that resolved this conflict.
This happened again years later at a job where I refused to do something because another person was pulling rank on me as a new guy, and I would not give in and stuck up for what I felt was right. This person, a woman, really got mad and took it upon herself to belittle me in front of others, in an extremely inappropriate way. However, I knew she was acting out her pain on me, and I did not take it personally. I knew that my pouring of light and love on her would eventually change the situation toward the influence of that positive love and light energy.
It took a lot longer, as this woman was very stubborn and really continued to act out, showing contempt and hate for me. Again, it was a bit challenging to put this light and love on her when she continued such rude behavior, yet I persisted. I was quite sure she’d eventually change her attitude, or leave my experience, or that my situation would change for the better without her continuing to be in my experience.
After working on this for four to six weeks, she was fired. Remember, I poured the light and love on her, yet she did not want to change her attitude, so life created an experience where each energy would be best expressed.
Sometimes when you start waterfalling Light and Love on the situation, the drama may temporarily escalate and flare up even more dramatically. This can be due to the chemicalization process of your good energy vibrations mixing with their self hatred or negative hurt energy.
They may try even more drastic measures. This is when some people start to worry that what they are doing does not seem to be working. Don’t worry. This shows that you are having a effect on them and as these opposing energies mix, the chemicalization drama is sometimes (not always) the result.
Realize that this is temporary and as you waterfall the Love and Light on them, it will neutralize the drama. This is a critical point to remember, as your Love energy moves in, they can sometimes rebel dramatically, but only temporarily. As you are consistent in your good energy out flow, they will eventually either, move into your good energy, leave you alone or move out of your experience.
The Key here is that you don’t play the blame or victim game or card. “It’s the bully’s fault, they are to blame, they are the reason my life is currently so miserable,” etc. Instead, you proactively work and play to adjust your thinking and feelings around this by actively proactively taking charge of how you are responding and being around this situation. You don’t have to do this. Of course, many don’t, yet I’m here to say that if you desire this to be resolved for the betterment of you and the one bullying, you now have a new choice on how to be and show up in relation to this hurt energy they misdirect toward you. That’s why you were directed by life to this article.
Always let light and love be the waterfalling energy toward those who would bully you or create unfair work or life conditions for you. The energy you send, express and give will express itself back to you in a very beneficial way, without harming them. They will either change their attitudinal energy, move away from you, or be promoted out of your experience in an appropriate way for all involved, especially you.
The loving, compassionate energy we send and give to those who treat us unfairly will optimistically and positively influence the environment we are in. I believe this to be true of most, if not all, bullying situations.
That’s it! It’s that simple!
“But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.” (Matt. 5:44) [and you will see, feel and experience the blessings of Light and Love.]
Love and Light poured on those that hurt, heals their hurt and changes your experience for the better.
Bully and suicides often leave out the mental illness that is also present in certain cases and sound byte articles often (not always) offer more simplistic answers to more complex issues that also play out as part of the overall picture.
An update article link of interest 2.9. 2012:
Another bully article update added 10.3.2011
By The Week Yahoo news: “Can dogs reduce bullying in schools?”
Educators across the country are using canines to teach compassion and social responsibility. From surfing to sniffing out cancer, what can’t dogs do? Now, USA Today reports that a number of school programs across the country are using dogs to teach kids empathy and compassion in an effort to help curb school bullying. Here, a brief guide: How are dogs fighting bullying?
Kansas City schools have a program called “No More Bullies,” in which program volunteers, accompanied by trained dogs, teach kids about fairness, compassion, and integrity for one hour a day over five days. “The animals are the glue that helps the children stay focused and understand the message,” says Jo Dean Hearn, an ex-teacher who developed the program. “Children can easily identify with an animal. And it’s easy for them to transition when we ask them to consider how an animal feels (if ill treated) to how the kid sitting near them feels (if poorly treated).”
Are there similar programs in other parts of the country?
You bet. Last year, the Yale University School of the 21st Century and the Pet Savers Foundation of North Shore Animal League America launched a program called Mutt-i-grees to help children learn how to be more kind — toward people and animals. The program, which typically employs a dog-shaped hand puppet instead of an actual dog, is now used in 900 elementary schools in 28 states, and it’s being expanded to junior high and high schools. Also, the Healing Species program, founded a decade ago in South Carolina, uses rescue dogs to help children and teens recover from abuse and learn self-esteem, empathy, and other core values.
Do these programs really work?
They seem to. The “No More Bullies” program is so popular that there’s a long waiting list for next year. While it’s still too early to evaluate the Mutt-i-grees program, most of the teachers who participated said their students’ social, emotional, and problem-solving skills improved. A study published in 2008 found that suspensions for violent behavior declined by 55 percent among students who participated in the Healing Species program, and general aggression and retaliation went down by 62 percent. Teachers and guidance counselors also reported improved grades and a more than 80 percent increase in their students’ ability to walk away from conflicts.
Sources: Healing Species, Mutt-i-grees, USA Today, Wichita Eagle
(Marko Damkoehler is an artist/writer/musician and creator of markoworld.com, as well as an avid student of CwG. He is also one of the Spiritual Helper Moderators on the changingchange.net website.)
(If you would like to contribute an article you have authored to the Guest Column, please submit it to our Managing Editor, Lisa McCormack, for possible publication in this space. Not all submissions can be published, due to the number of submissions and sometimes because of other content considerations, but all are encouraged. Send submissions to Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com. Please label the topic: “Guest Column.”)
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