Am I a Lemon?

I’m beginning to think that there’s something wrong with me.  Things that come easily to those around me are hard for me, and every time I try the latest and greatest thing that a friend swears by, I’m frustrated and disappointed because it doesn’t work for me.  This happens anywhere from money and career to the latest self-help craze or dieting and I’m beginning to think I’m a “lemon.”  I’m generally optimistic, I have a positive attitude and an open mind – is there something I’m just not getting here?? 

Becky, Vancouver

Hi Becky,

No, you are most certainly not a lemon, and there is nothing wrong with you.  It’s easy to watch another person do something and find success and assume that we will, too, only to find ourselves frustrated and wondering, “what am I doing wrong?”  For instance, one person may start a new diet program and lose 20 lbs. on it.  Another person sees this and tries the program herself, and doesn’t lose a thing.  What’s the problem here?  The answer is something you probably already know on some level – the answer is that each one of us is a unique individual, and we all work differently.

Seems like common sense, right?  Yet how many times do we find ourselves forcing ourselves to fit into different constructs anyway, just because it works for someone else, all the while knowing this answer?  We do this because we are taught to.  We are taught to fit in, be a part of the norm, conform, etc., and the ironic part is that we’re taught this because it’s supposed to be easier, when, in fact, it makes life much more difficult if these “norms” are not your true nature.  We end up fighting ourselves, going against our natural “grain,” and life feels just plain hard sometimes.

But what if we made a conscious choice to embrace the unique things about ourselves, and the unique way in which we work?  What if you made a conscious effort to work with yourself instead?  Oh, the possibilities…

And here are a few ways to get you started:

–  Pay attention to what works for you and doesn’t work for you.  How do you know?  Things that feel good, come easily to you, and you look forward to work for you.  Things that bring a lot of resistance, anxiety, struggle, and even fear probably don’t work for you.

–  Avoid the things that don’t work for you and embrace the things that do.  It’s as simple as that, but it takes some focus and listening to yourself.  Try writing things down as you notice them, and referring back to your lists as reminders when making decisions.

–  Get into the habit of centering yourself.  When you are closely and strongly connected to your Self, everything naturally becomes clearer, and you’ll find yourself making choices based on what you’re naturally drawn to versus what you think you “should” do.  So do whatever works for you, meditate, journal, go for walks, paint, etc.; whatever brings you that calm inner peace and clarity.

Start there, and it will be amazing at how much easier and more enjoyable your life becomes, not to mention how much more fun it is to be YOU.  And remember to celebrate the things that make you different – if we were all the same, the world wouldn’t be nearly as interesting.

(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching,, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling.  She can be reached at )

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