“Ungraceful grace”

 “Sometimes you open a door, and you are the only one
who can go through it.” —Mooji

There are very few reasons these days that I am inspired to leave the inner sanctuary of silence—to speak, to be with others, or even to write something that in any way expresses an objective opinion. For quite a while now I have been trying in myriad ways to gently explain to those I know and love why I am less available for even the most casual of gatherings…

When we come to a place where we no longer believe everything the man-made mind comes up with and genuinely feel that there is almost nothing worth speaking about unless it is spoken from one’s true home in the Heart, well—it can make for a more confusing and inconsistent exchange with those who still expect us to show up the same way we have for perhaps decades.

I feel deeply aligned with an inner truth that says until I can merge the “inner” experience of I AM with the “outward” personality, what’s being offered feels not at all representative of the Truth of the I AM that is beginning to be experienced more of the time on the “inside”.

It is as if this experiencing of the I AM is only half baked—and to bring it to the potluck seems to cause only more hunger for those who have known me to be a certain way and to engage with them in a specific dance of personalities.

Never in my life did I imagine that I would search for, allow in, let alone find a “guru” or “teacher”. But for some of us a true, clear knowing arrives, and it says, “It’s time. Bring me that One who will take me all the way Home. Bring into my reality that One who already knows the Way.” The grace of a true teacher is that they do not ask you to leave behind anything you hold dear—Christ, Buddha, God or Goddess—but  invite you to create a container large enough to hold it All:  All images, concepts, mentors and guides that are reflections of pure Love. True teachers ask us to put limits on nothing. To realize that They are It, You are It, and It is All there is…

A short while ago I heard my teacher, Anthony Paul Moo-Young, affectionately called “Mooji”, describe his final teacher, Sri H. W. L. Poonja as “Friendly to All, Friends with none.” When I heard this, tears sprung to my eyes. My experience this last three years or so is that this is increasingly my own reality, and that it feels right, and that, in fact, trying to maintain friendships at this point in my life seems at cross-purposes to what I am being called to explore and to discover and to live in, and to live from.

The Grace that has called me inward to find That which does not change; to know happiness that is not dependent on circumstances; to establish a connection with God/Presence that can never again be lost is an inward pulling so strong that it cannot be explained to anyone who is not also experiencing it.  And it can sometimes seem hurtful to others.  But it’s not personal—it’s primordial.


1 ancient, earliest, first
2 instinctive, basic, primal, intuitive, inborn, innate, inherent

Personality was created secondary to this awareness, this Presence we Are and have always, always been and always, always shall Be.

Once this Calling comes, there is no turning one’s back on it, nor turning back from it. The only choice is to willingly Go Within. Once there, however, it becomes incredibly apparent what has been missing one’s whole life, or lifetimes. And nothing in the outer reality can hold a candle to this effortless harmony and happiness.

My teacher, Mooji, has said:

“Maybe for a while you’re not going to be good company for anybody. So don’t go looking for friends. You have to walk through the wilderness of your own self. Your attention must turn fully inside. Baptize your attention inside.

“If your desire for Freedom is True, Grace will come, and take you Home. Something has already called you to look inside, has pulled you out of the raging river and now you have chosen to look inside.

“But the world wants to see progress.

“First find the Self. Just stay quiet and rest in the Self. And be happy. The world won’t understand this kind of happiness. It will rub its eyes many times and stare at you. Yes, but where are all of your achievements, your worldly goods—where is your house?  And you will answer:  This is my House.”

For most people there will again come a time when one’s Being has merged Inner with Outer and the dance becomes more graceful and seamless, open and inclusive.

I write this and share this for those who are also called Inward and know the Ungraceful Grace of this passage of which I speak. But I can think of no greater gift to share with others than to Know Who We Really Are and to then, when moved to, speak and act from that place of Knowing.

For some, the path Home doesn’t perhaps include this kind of turning inward, this basking in the depth of stillness where one can listen and really hear… but for this one, it is the case. And if there are more out there experiencing the same, know that you are not alone.

If there were anything more important to me to share at this time, I don’t know what it would be. To recognize what already exists within us regardless of circumstances is what might return an insane society to one of sanity, and a violent society to one that lives in compassion and harmony with all forms of life, including the life form we’ve been given to inhabit.

May All Beings Know Peace
May All Beings Be Happy
May All Beings Be Free from Suffering

em claire














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