recovery
There I was, walking away from my family and towards the detox ward of the hospital. Overwhelming fear, coupled with a hangover and sense of humiliation, weighing on my thoughts and my body. So many questions running through my head: What is this going to be like? What are they going to do to me? How can I get out of this? Where would I go? What have I gotten myself into? I was walking into the complete unknown, and I was afraid.
I remember very clearly the first thing that took place. I was greeted by the doctor who ran the detox. His name was Dr. D’ Amico. He explained that I would be wearing the typical hospital gown; you know the one that is open in the back and ties around your waste. He gave his reason for this: “You are sick. You are suffering from a disease; therefore, you will be treated as any other person who is sick.” This was my first real introduction to addiction as a disease.
After changing into the hospital gown, the nurse took all of my possessions, shoes and socks, clothing, and cigarettes. There was no smoking in the hospital detox. I was led to my room, basically an open area where there were two beds sectioned off from the rest of the hospital by only a curtain. The curtain remained open all the time.
I was tired and worn down. Looking back, I felt relief to be out of the cycle of addiction and the pace of the life I had created. A nurse came to my bed, bringing medication. And I was told that because alcohol was one of the drugs I was withdrawing from, I had to take anti-seizure medicine. Alcohol withdrawal is the most dangerous drug to withdraw from.
My second day in detox was more challenging. I was already feeling much better after a good night’s sleep and nutritious meals. Feeling better sounds like a good thing, but for a person who is addicted, feeling good and healthy typically means that it is okay to start using again. And that is exactly what I was thinking: “I don’t need this. I can do it myself.” I don’t remember saying that, but I would not be surprised if I did, as I know I was thinking it!
My addictive behavior did not end in the detox. After the second day, when the nurse would deliver the anti-seizure medicine, I would store it under my tongue until she left the room. I would quickly remove it and hide it under my pillow for future use. I was saving it up so I could take more than one and hopefully get high. Looking back on this behavior reminds me that I was not just a “normal” kid who liked to party a little too much.
It was pre-arranged that I would go directly from detox to a 28-day inpatient treatment facility. This is a very common procedure, because by the seventh day of detox, I was feeling on top of the world physically and mentally. I was very resistant to going to a rehabilitation center. (Most of the people who do not go directly to rehab relapse and begin using again shortly after their release from the hospital.) After a brief intervention with my parents and the doctor, I agreed to proceed as planned.
It is my hope that in the telling of my personal story here someone reading this will have a greater understanding of how to navigate early recovery either for them or for a loved one. Alcoholics and drug addicts will convince themselves and everyone else that they just need to break the cycle of using and they will be fine. I am here to tell you it just isn’t so. Abstinence is not recovery! And except for extremely rare cases, abstinence does not maintain. For those who do simply abstain from using their drugs of choice without employing some form of self-improvement program, long-term recovery is much less likely to happen. It is the addictive behavior that must be addressed. The drugs are simply the symptom of a far greater issue. I was not plotting my next binge when I was saving up the medication for “one last high”; I was exhibiting the behavior of an addict.
Addictive personalities do not simply go away with time. It is debatable whether or not they ever go away. From my personal experience in recovery, irrational thinking, obsessions, desire for instant gratification do not disappear from the recovering addict’s life. What does go away is the obsession to use drugs and alcohol. It does dissolve immediately. For some, it can take years. But the transformation does take place.
The motto of the recovery community is “One day at a time.” Indeed, this is the basis for most programs that deal with addictions. And what a wonderful way to live life it is. When we seek to keep things simple and we stop projecting our thoughts into the future or wishing the past was different, we remember that all we have is the breath we are taking this very moment of now. We have the power to change who we are right now, but not by fretting over the past or fearing what may come next. When we live one moment at a time in the awareness that the past is the past and the future is unwritten, we find our peace. This is recovery.
(Kevin McCormack C.A.d Is a certified addictions professional, as well as a Conversations with God Life Coach. Kevin is a practicing Auriculotherapist, and a Spiritual helper on www.changingchange.net. Kevin will be presenting at the CwG Recovery Retreat in Medford Oregon June 23rd – June 26th. You can visit his website at www.Kevin-Spiritualmentor.com To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@theglobalconversation.com)
Little did I know when I woke up hung over and in a fog, Wednesday, May 27, 1987, what this day would hold for me. What I did know is that it would not be a normal day, nor a comfortable day. I could not have known, foreseen, or imagined how important this day would end up being in my life. The challenge for me was that I had an appointment with a counselor who was going to evaluate me on behalf of the New York State Department of Transportation’s “Drinking and Driving” program to determine if I fit their profile of an alcoholic.
My task was to see to it that I did not meet their criteria for an alcoholic, by any means necessary. You see, I knew I had a drinking problem, but I could not let someone else tell me this. I had been defending myself against these allegations for a few years, mainly from my family. I had to be right, and being right meant I had to lie. And on this day, I had to convince a professional that I was simply a recreational user, so I needed to put my best foot forward.
I was well aware of this 9 am appointment in advance. I made the appointment myself, and my family took it upon themselves to remind me of it. They also warned me that going out to the bar after work that night (like I did every night) was not a good idea. I begged to differ. So I went out as I usually did; and to this day, I could not tell you what I did, how much I drank, or who I was with that night. I believe I must have blacked out very early.
I was mandated to the New York State “Drinking and Driving” program due to a DUI I had been convicted of roughly six months prior. At the time of my arrest, I was 20 years old, not of legal age to drink in New York. I had to go to a special class one day per week for 10 weeks to learn about the dangers of drinking and driving. Part of the curriculum of this class was a psychological test that was designed to determine the potential for alcoholism. The questions on this test seemed very normal to me, so I did my best to answer them as a “non-alcoholic” would answer.
Feeling pretty good about my ability to get over on the system, I was shocked and angered to find out I did not “pass” this test. I was told that I was at high risk for alcoholism based upon some of my answers. One of the answers that I got “wrong” was to the following question: Do you have night sweats? Well, I am a smart guy and I know that everyone sweats, so I answered yes. Now, apparently this was a trick question…. How in hell did they know that I would wake up in the morning and there would be a soaking wet imprint of me on my sheets? Apparently not everyone sweats profusely at night! Who knew?
So now here it is, the morning of this looming appointment. I am hung over. My parents (who are not drinkers) are shocked that I would take such little care of myself prior to this appointment. On this night, they had been waiting for me to get home, as they sometimes did, most likely in fear that I would not make it home. This night was much like the rest; I staggered through the door sometime around 4:30 am. I do not recall what, if any, interaction took place at that time. After getting about three hours of sleep, my parents awoke me to get ready for my appointment.
My father drove me to the place where I was to have my session, probably because they wanted to make sure I went through with it, but also because I was likely still intoxicated from the night I had just spent drinking. There was also a “higher” reason for him to be there, which will be revealed to you shortly.
I remember what happened next as if it happened just this morning. The details are surprisingly sharp in my mind even though it is almost 26 years later. I walked up to the receptions area and announced who I was and who I was there to see. The receptionist looked through the appointment book and turned a few pages. She asked me again who I was there to see and what my name was. She asked me to wait there for a minute while she checked with the counselor. When the receptionist returned, she stated very bluntly that the reason she did not have me on her list for that day was because my appointment was scheduled a week prior. I had missed my scheduled appointment!
My mind went suddenly blank and my heart sank to my stomach. I turned to my father and spoke the words that would set in motion the most profound change my young life had experienced, “Dad, I am ready to go to rehab.” This request had come from “out of the blue” as I had been battling with my parents about my drinking and their desire for me to get help. I had steadfastly denied any problem, using the old adage, “I can quit anytime I want.”
“Dad, I am ready to go to rehab.”
For me to ask for help at that moment in time was, in my opinion, a Divine intervention. I had not considered making such a change in my life at any time. I was valued in my workplace even though my employer knew full well what my lifestyle was. I also enjoyed my job very much and was in fear that being away for a week, or, God forbid, a month, may jeopardize my employment.
Hitting bottom for me came as a surprise. Speaking the words “I am ready” came out of my body as if a spirit guide had thrust itself into the physical realm and did for me what I could not do for myself. This is the moment of pure creation that I am so incredibly grateful for till this day.
I had no idea at the time what I was getting myself into. I had heard about rehabs, and I had even attended a few minutes of an AA meeting once because a friend of mine had been mandated by the Courts to go. I really did not know much more about where I was heading and how profoundly my life would change. What I did know is that I was tired, and I was feeling like I had quite possibly made a mistake that New York State might have punished me for. For the first time, I was afraid that I had become exactly what most everyone who knew me knew I was: an addict.
I shared this story with you here to show the depth of where I was at in my life at the age of 21. Everybody’s bottom is different; and for some, the bottom is death of their physical body. My bottom may be considered by some to be a “shallow” bottom. What this means is that I did not lose much in the way of material possessions. I didn’t completely alienate my family and friends. I was not living on the streets, begging for money so that I could pay for my drug of choice.
I was at the place that was perfect for me to transition my life path. My soul gave me the exact right situation, with the exact perfect people, in the one place and time that I would be able to make the choice to change. Nothing happens in this world by coincidence. And for me, it is very clear that my story can make a difference in the lives of other people suffering with the pain of addiction.
I will be sharing with you in this series of blogs what the first year of recovery was like for me. Although we all have our own path to freedom, I believe there are some very important decisions that enabled me to remain substance-free through the trials and tribulations of early recovery. So stay tuned to learn more about me through my experience of getting clean and staying sober. I thank you for being here to read this and hope that these words of my personal journey to recovery may inspire you or someone you know to make that hard choice to move into the unknown.
The next article will describe my seven days in the detoxification ward of the Ellenville New York Hospital.
(Kevin McCormack, C.A.d, is a certified addictions professional, as well as a Conversations with God Life Coach, and a Spiritual helper on www.changingchange.net. You can visit his website for more information at www.Kevin-Spiritualmentor.com To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@theglobalconversation.com)
Regularly, I receive letters from people facing all sorts of life challenges. I am always inspired by those who have the courage to step outside of their comfort zone and reach out for help. In many cases, it is simply an act of love that drives them to look for solutions. For example, I receive letters from caring parents wanting to help guide their children who have lost their way. I was touched by a recent one and wanted to share our interaction. Of course, I have not included any personal information. These kinds of interactions are, unfortunately, very common, especially for those parents who deal with children that have become addicted. It is addiction that has become far too common and the subject of this week’s column.
Dear JR,
My two youngest children are addicted to opiates. I’ve known for two years about my son, who is in his twenties. Now I have just found out about my daughter’s addiction. She is 19. My son has been in treatment and 12-step programs and was sober, but now is using again. My daughter has been actively using now for about 6 months. She’s asking for help, wants to detox, as she has hopes of getting a job soon. I can’t say that 12 steps and counseling has “worked” for my son, and I can’t imagine how a forced 5-day medically monitored detox could cure my daughter. I’ve been reading Neale Donald Walsch’s books and the CwG Foundation newsletter for several months now. I read last week, “From the Director’s Chair” and see that you do this type of work, addiction counseling. Can you make any suggestions? Thanks – Susan
Hello Susan,
Thank you for your note. I feel the obvious care and concern you have for your children; no doubt with good reason. You may or may not be aware, addiction is the number one killer in America. Unfortunately, each year, more people die from pharmaceutical drugs than illicit drugs…an epidemic that is getting worse, not better. Often, well-intentioned medical professionals are prescribing medication and set into motion or solidify the undetected addict brain. In many cases, all one has to say is something like “I feel depressed,” and out comes the prescription pad. Not that there isn’t a time and place for such intervention and proper uses of medications for the properly diagnosed, but we are quickly becoming a nation of drug addicts.
All drugs have side effects, but for the addict, getting hooked is one of them. Giving drugs as a way to treat drug addicts has never made sense in my world view. There has to be another way. I have looked deeply at this problem, and the solutions offered and available today have little success. The reason is simple: Most do not include a holistic point of view; that is, they do not treat the whole being.
I believe that any treatment of disease, not just the disease of addiction, must have a holistic and natural approach to be successful. One must look for the underlying causes and conditions of addiction and what exists within the world of each addict. Addiction professionals must look not only at the physiology, but also the mental, emotional, and spiritual maladies that will also surely exist.
My goal in working with addicts is to remove all obstacles, real or imagined, that drive the addict to use. This includes all synthetics, as well as any other substances that can cause negative side effects in the human physiology…truly helping each addict to become clean. The chemistry in the addict brain must be managed with the proper intake of substances designed for the health of human beings…only nature provides this. Those who ignore diet for example, miss the terrible impact of things like refined sugars and how sugar negatively impacts brain chemistry and the nervous systems of all humans, not just addicts. What goes in the body affects the whole being, a far too often overlooked but simple remedy for dis-ease.
It is also important to be aware that addiction is a family disease; that is, everyone in the family plays a role in either addiction or recovery. Addiction and addicts themselves can’t survive without two things in place: Either co-dependency or enabling, or both combined, must be present for addiction to survive. Remove these two forms of survival mechanisms of addiction, and you go a long way in creating the space for healing the addiction itself. Said another way, disease can only survive in certain conditions, and the same is true for the disease of addiction.
Another essential ingredient that has to be present in order for recovery to be possible must come from the addict themselves. What is that? It’s the desire to recover. Short of lockdown, a person that lacks the desire to recover will remain stuck in their self-created hell until they become willing to change. However, with desire in place, and a willingness to become honest and follow through on the actions suggested, developing a path to sobriety becomes available. And perhaps more important, it creates the possibility of a life filled with purpose, passion, and joy, which can only be attained as a result of returning to the human being’s natural and spiritual path. This is the holistic point of view. This is a path that would benefit any human that walked it, not just those in recovery. This awakening can be seen as the gift of addiction itself; that is, the Soul uses challenges like addiction to awaken us to who we really are. That is what was true for me. Addiction was my greatest gift, for it led me here.
As important as it is to want to help your children, you must also have a support structure in place for yourself. At the end of the day, each human has the freedom and power to choose their path. All we can do is offer a way. It is attraction rather than promotion, so we must lead by demonstration. Making available a path to sobriety and a life of happy, joyous and free is what I do, first by living it. Whether or not one chooses that path is up to them.
I will tell you I have great faith in each Soul knowing exactly the right and most expedient path for their awakening. Yet, some must experience darkness before they can know themselves as the light. As CwG reminds us, our job is to be the light, to be the living demonstration of what is possible, and trust that, just as the ship lost in the storm finds its path back to port through the beacon of the forever shining lighthouse, so too will each Soul find its way home. Each Soul finds the right and perfect path, in the right and perfect time. Love and truth sets us free to be, do, and have whatever we choose as humans, but it doesn’t mean that we don’t benefit from the help of others. I was 23 when I got sober, and many earth angels have helped me along my path. I have been returning the favor ever since. I am here to help any way I can.
I see and feel your light, Susan. I am happy to join mine with yours to see if together we can’t help your children find another way. I would be happy to discuss your case with you, offer any suggestions, and look to see if any of our programs could help your situation.
Until then, I hold you and your family in my thoughts – JR
As I have stated in other columns, addiction is the number one killer in the US. Despite that statistics list heart disease, the larger question rarely addressed is, what actually causes heart disease? What is behind this completely preventable disease? Of course, the answer is addiction to substances that damage the heart. Heart disease and other related health issues that make the top 10 list never take into account the underlying preventable causes. This is where you will find addiction rearing its ugly head and why I say, without a shadow of doubt, that addiction IS the actual number one cause of death.
If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, have them reach out. The Global Conversation offers an entire section dedicated to addiction and recovery, written by friend and colleague Kevin McCormack. Kevin and I regularly work together and have committed our life to recovery and the healing of addiction.
Soon the Conversations with God Foundation will be sponsoring retreats and webinars that will focus on recovery. You can learn more about that by signing up for their free newsletter here:
Conversations with God Foundation Newsletter
Until then, may you find the path to healing and health! – JR
(J.R. Westen, D.D. is a Holistic Health & Spiritual Counselor who has worked and presented side-by-side with Neale Donald Walsch for over a decade. He is passionate about helping individuals move beyond their emotional and spiritual challenges, transforming breakdowns into breakthroughs. His counseling and coaching provides practical wisdom and guidance that can be immediately incorporated to shift one’s experience of life.
As is true for most impactful teachers, J.R.’s own struggles and triumphs inspired him to find powerful ways of helping others. Sober since June 1, 1986, J.R.’s passion for helping individuals move through intense life challenges drove him to also specialize in Addiction and Grief Recovery.
J.R. currently shares his gift of counseling & coaching with individuals from around the world through the Wellness Center, Simply Vibrant, located on Long Island N.Y. In addition, he operates “Change House” a place where people come to transform. He also works with Escondido Sobering Services and now serves as the Director for the Conversations with God Foundation. He can be contacted at JR@CWG.ORG or JR@theglobalconversation.com, or to book an appointment, write support@simplyvibrant.com.)
The most generally accepted definition of addiction in the treatment and medical community is “continued use in spite of negative consequences.” The reason this designation has been given is to point out the leading indicator of those suffering with the addictive behaviors and compulsive disorders; and that is denial. It is my intention in this article to point out negative consequences of the different types of addictive behaviors and compulsive disorders. In doing so, this gives us the opportunity to examine our own actions, as well as heighten our awareness of those around us.
There are certainly different levels of addictions; we have used the term in this column “soft addictions” and “hard addictions.” The consequences for the hard addictions have wide-sweeping impacts. The families, employers, co-workers, and many times innocent bystanders get caught in the dragnet of hard addictions. Try finding somebody who hasn’t been in some way affected by addiction, then let me know when you find one.
Soft addictions, however, the consequences are mainly directed at the person in question. Typically, the soft-addictions person appears to have life pretty much all together. This person may simply being addicted to being lazy. They will sit around every chance they get, doing very little physical exercise, if any. Their body over time begins to suffer the negative fallout and breaks down earlier than it should. Sloth is a very common form of dependence that typically goes untreated.
With the computer age well in hand, obsessive and compulsive use of the internet and our wireless devices has taken over the lives of many. I have already written a blog on this called “Beyond the Big Five.” The typical results from seeking the brain reward chemicals from our electronics is that we become very removed from social interaction. The instant gratification we receive temporarily relieves the need for companionship. Like all addictions, however, our tolerance grows and we seek more and more gratification from the virtual reality we have created.
Food addiction is a very complicated subject, and even more complicated to evaluate. There are those for whom food takes on the form of a hard addiction. For some, it is clear that the negative consequences of obesity signals the need for treatment; however, many of us can have less damaging addictive traits surrounding our food. I have noticed in my life that when I overindulge in sugars, that my mental and spiritual connection are diminished. This is clearly a negative consequence in my life, yet some days I will still partake in this behavior. Although the softer food addiction still has many adverse effects on our lives, they are nonetheless obstacles to experiencing joy in its fullest form.
The sex addict who fathers eight children with eight different women, all the while being married to the same person over the entire time, is suffering the consequences of addiction and at the same time causing a giant ripple of destruction in the lives of all the people involved. The “hot” school teacher who knows full well that having any relationship with a student, let alone a sexual one, and proceeds to do so without regard for “what is true,” will experience the wrath of negative consequences sooner or later. We have seen this countless times, so much so that we don’t even seem to be upset by it anymore, unless of course the teacher isn’t “hot” or a female.
The “lighter” side of sex addiction is pornography. This, very much like the internet addiction, is a compulsion of solitude. The effect this has on a person can be seen in their outward body, as well as their social interaction. Any meaningful relationship becomes compromised at some point. Trust boundaries are trampled on and self-esteem issues abound for those involved with the porn addict. Without treatment, this person ends up leading a very lonely life.
As with all addictions and compulsive disorders, denial is the obstacle to recovery. In many cases, not only is the addict in denial, but the family members will be as well. Our society has one major addiction that most of us indulge in, that is the reliance upon a belief that we don’t need help from anyone. “We can do it ourselves” we say, without having the first clue where to turn.
The definition of denial is the refusal to accept what is true. Truth as we all know comes in many flavors. The truth we are talking about here is what is observably true. It is fairly safe to say that given the information in today’s society, if a person gets caught driving while intoxicated one time. they made a huge mistake and showed terrible judgment. If that same person then repeats that behavior and has a second offense, they have crossed the line into addiction. The non-addicted person who gets a DUI never makes that mistake again.
“The truth will set you free” it is said, and recovery from all types of addiction require it. We must tell truth about our self to our self We then should tell the truth to our self about someone else. Once we get to this point, we will then be willing to tell the truth about our self to another. When we get to a higher place of evolution, we will begin to tell the truth about another to that other, and this is service to humanity. At this point, we begin to tell the truth to everyone about everything. This is how the world evolves. This is how we create peace on earth and goodwill towards men.
(Kevin McCormack is a Conversations with God Life Coach, a Spiritual helper on www.changingchange.net, and an Addictions recovery advisor. You can visit his website for more information at www.Kevin-Spiritualmentor.com To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@theglobalconversation.com)
With the odds of beating addiction and leading a productive life so low, the question has to be asked: Why do some recover? What is it that those few people are doing that opens up the door for an addiction-free life?
There are many factors involved, Divine intervention being one of them! But overall, the current path showing the best results are the 12-step programs. “So what are they doing that other programs are not?” you may ask. And I am here to tell you what I believe it is.
The fundamental aspect of the 12-step programs is that you do not go it alone. One of the very first suggestions to a newcomer is to get a sponsor. It is strongly suggested that the person you choose to be your sponsor has at least one year in the program, goes to meetings regularly, has a sponsor them self, and inspires you to stick around. This person should be of the same sex; or in cases of gay or lesbian, they should be the opposite sex. Many deep emotional processes will be encountered in this relationship, and having a romantic interest would destroy the sanctity of the sponsor.
It is well-known in the 12-step world that if you ignore this suggestion, the chances of your gaining long-term sobriety are bleak. Addiction is a disease of denial and deception. And who knows better if you are living in denial or deceit than someone who is all too familiar with those states of being? The old saying “You can’t bullcrap a bullcrapper” (insert your own profanity if you so choose) really applies here.
“An addict alone is in bad company”
Life was not intended to be lived in solitary. We live in the Realm of Relativity and we need others to help us shape our perspective. This is especially true to the recovering person as they have spent nearly their entire existence telling lies. This reminds me of a 12-step joke. Please indulge me here….
“Do you know how to tell if a newcomer is lying?” says one 12-stepper to another? “Yes,” the other person says, “when their lips are moving!”
Sometimes recovery is down and dirty and you have to assume the worst in order to help someone get through a tough time. The one thing old-timers in the rooms know, pulling punches never helps anyone. You have to be straight, direct, blunt, and willing to alienate someone if your gut instincts tell you they are up to their old tricks.
This is the area that the 12-step programs have nailed down perfectly. We do not need to have people in our lives that tell us what we want to hear. What everyone needs are people surrounding them who will speak their truth at all times. Compulsive behaviors, addiction, and deception cannot be practiced in the light of honesty and openness; this is what gives way to long-term sobriety. The Tenth Step says something profound:
“We continue to take personal inventory, and when we are wrong, promptly admit it.”
Wow! Imagine the world for just a moment if everyone used just that tiny part of the 12-step program in their daily life! Nevermind the humility it takes to do that, but think about the amazing conversations that we would be having with each other. Humans would bond together like molecules of water, ebbing and flowing with purpose through life. Some may argue that there is no “right and wrong.” And I will give you that. So let’s change the wording slightly:
“We continue to take personal inventory. And when we become aware that something we are doing is not an expression of who and what we are at our core, we promptly seek to make the changes necessary to bring ourselves back into alignment.”
Let’s face it, we are human. And “to err is human.” This is the beauty of the Realm of the Relative. We always have events occurring that could use improvement. This is a process of evolution we are in here, and we have many opportunities to move along that path together. Every opportunity to express ourselves in our highest expression moves us to a place of greater understanding. By purposefully being aware of our own behavior, how it is sent, and how it is received, we offer ourselves and the other the space for expansion.
(Kevin McCormack is a Conversations with God Life Coach, a Spiritual helper on www.changingchange.net, and an Addictions recovery advisor. You can visit his website for more information at www.Kevin-Spiritualmentor.com To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@theglobalconversation.com)
I am losing another friend to cancer…another dear friend and cancer is the culprit. I’m sick of it! I have stopped counting the losses, there have been so many, several just in this last year for me. I’m sick of it!! Yeah, I’m angry at you cancer, heart disease, diabetes, addiction…and I’m not gonna take it anymore! You have killed enough of my friends and I’m over it. If you are a friend of mine and you are behaving in a way that contributes to disease, I’m going to get in your face…that was fair warning. I am going to be that person who annoys the crap out of you, especially about those behaviors that do not serve you – you know, the ones that contribute to dis-ease rather than health.
YES, I’M TALKING TO YOU…
YOU, who are reading this right now, this is a message for you. Don’t stop reading, you know this was meant for you. I’m that uncomfortable feeling, here to once again get your attention, here to remind you to clean up your act. This is a personal message from me, and the universe, directly to you: Wake up to the lifestyle choices you are making that we both know contribute to things that shorten your life. Like Smoking. STOP IT. Just stop it. Don’t tell me, “I know, I know, I shouldn’t smoke,” and then go out and smoke another, NO. STOP IT RIGHT NOW.
I’m sick of it!!! We are all sick of it. I have watched too many people I love die of Cancer, COPD and other related illness because they wouldn’t go through the minor discomfort of quitting smoking. CANCER IS FAR MORE UNCOMFORTABLE! Trust me. I’ve seen it too many times. You don’t want to die that way, nor do you want to live with the treatment of it, either. YOU DON’T!
What’s behind it all…
As an addictionologist, I will tell you that addiction is the number one killer in America. Wait, isn’t heart disease the number one killer? According to the CDC it is. But what’s behind it? What causes heart disease? Addiction to the lifestyle choices that contribute to, or outright cause, heart disease. Addiction is the number one killer and heart disease is it’s first path of least resistance. Addiction in part is defined as: “continued use of any substance or behavior despite negative consequences”. The ultimate consequence being death.
BUT GOOD NEWS…
You can avoid that heart attack. Heart disease is completely preventable! You don’t catch it, you create it. If you can create it, you can prevent it. You can avoid future heart problems by adopting a healthy lifestyle right now! YES again, this means you! Don’t make me come over there!
Here are some heart disease prevention tips to get you started and to save you from my wrath.
Don’t smoke or use tobacco!
I think we covered that above, but it’s worth repeating. STOP IT!
Smoking or using tobacco is one of the most significant risk factors for developing heart disease and cancer there is. Chemicals in tobacco damage your heart and blood vessels, leading to narrowing of the arteries (atherosclerosis). Atherosclerosis leads to a heart attack. No amount of smoking is safe. And there is no safe exposure to secondhand smoke, either. Stop killing your friends and family too. STOP IT!
In addition, the nicotine in cigarette smoke makes your heart work harder by narrowing your blood vessels and increasing your heart rate and blood pressure. Carbon monoxide in cigarette smoke replaces some of the oxygen in your blood. This increases your blood pressure by forcing your heart to work harder to supply enough oxygen. Even “social smoking” while at a bar or restaurant is dangerous and increases the risk of heart disease and cancer. Addiction is far too often built into social norms, which is why we have come to accept heart disease and cancer as the top 2 killers in America. You don’t need a cig break, you need a break from cigarettes.
If you are smoking I am going to assume you are on fire and I will immediately put you out. I wonder how many buckets of ice cold water it would take to make you smoke free? Something to ponder…
The good news is that when you quit smoking, your risk of heart disease drops dramatically. And no matter how long or how much you smoked, you’ll start reaping rewards as soon as you quit. WHICH IS NOW!!!
Eat a Heart Healthy Diet of Plant Based Foods – the Health Benefits of Phytonutrients …
There are staggering mortality rates associated with serious health conditions such as heart disease, stroke, and cancer, the focus on prevention and nutrition has become more important than ever. All one has to do is read the last few months of my columns in the archive and follow the simple life changing advice to build a fortress of protection that dis-ease can’t penetrate.
Phytonutrients are the foot soldiers in that fight. Phytonutrients are the chemicals derived from plants and are very similar in composition to antioxidants. Phytonutrients come from plants that are suitable for human consumption. Though phytonutrients are not considered essential nutrients, science is discovering they provide health benefits that can help prevent the development of a myriad of conditions and diseases. Numerous studies have revealed that these plant chemicals actually protect tissues and cells from free radicals and their harmful effects. In essence, if you eat a variety of fresh vegetables and fruits, you will obtain the benefits of phytonutrients.
The best way to obtain the health benefits of phytonutrients is to go mostly raw, organic and colorful. That is, follow a diet that includes a significant amount of colorful fruits and vegetables. For example, Lycopene is a type of carotenoids that is prevalent in tomatoes, and is one such phytonutrient that has been recently been determined to produce health benefits. There is strong evidence that shows that it is beneficial for preventing the development of heart disease and other illnesses.
Other foods that contain significant levels of phytonutrients include garlic, beans, berries, and whole grains. A diet rich in fruits, vegetables, and whole grains can help protect your heart. Beans, other low-fat sources of protein can also reduce your risk of heart disease.
Limiting certain fats you eat is also important. Of the types of fat we consume — saturated, polyunsaturated, monounsaturated and trans fat — saturated fat and trans fat increase the risk of coronary artery disease by raising blood cholesterol levels. You will find these in foods that are fast, cheap and easy and come in a box…get out of that box! Just because they call it food doesn’t mean you should eat it. Look on the label for the term “partially hydrogenated” to avoid trans fat.
Omega-3 fatty acids, a type of polyunsaturated fat, decrease your risk of heart attack, and lower blood pressure. Some fish, such as salmon are a good natural source of omega-3s – (but watch out for GMO salmon, which come with their own risks). Omega-3s are present in smaller amounts in flaxseed oil, walnut oil, soybean oil and canola oil, and they can also be found in supplements. ( supplements I recommend are a good omega, vitamins B & D3 – the rest of what you need will come from a healthy diet)
Heart-healthy eating isn’t just about cutting back on the crap, though. Most people need to add more fruits and vegetables to their diet, with a goal of five to 10 servings a day – or better yet, just make it your every meal. And this doesn’t mean on the side, this means as your main course. Eating fruits and vegetables can not only help prevent heart disease, but also help prevent cancer and every other dis-ease.
Clearing up another myth…
Following a heart-healthy diet also means avoiding drinking alcohol…there is no RDA for alcohol consumption. Contrary to popular belief, there is no beneficial alcohol consumption….yes including wine. If you want the benefits of grapes, eat grapes. If you are going to drink, keep it to a minimum. AND if you are an addict, a minimum means NONE!
Exercise for at least 30 minutes a day…
Getting some regular, daily exercise can reduce your risk of heart disease big time. And when you combine physical activity with other lifestyle measures, such as creating and maintaining a healthy weight, the benefits are even greater. Physical activity helps you control your weight and can reduce your chances of developing other conditions that may put a strain on your heart, such as high blood pressure, high cholesterol and diabetes. It also reduces stress, which is known to be a factor in disease.
Try getting at least 30 to 60 minutes of moderately intense physical activity most days of the week. And remember that other activities such as gardening, housekeeping, taking the stairs and walking the dog, all count. You don’t have to exercise strenuously to achieve benefits, but you can see bigger benefits by increasing the intensity, duration and frequency of your workouts. Yoga is one of my favorites.
The importance of maintaining a healthy weight…
As you put on weight in adulthood, your weight gain is mostly fat, rather than muscle. This excess weight can lead to conditions that increase your chances of heart disease — high blood pressure, high cholesterol and diabetes. Even a small weight loss can be beneficial. Reducing your weight by just 10 percent can decrease your blood pressure, lower your blood cholesterol level and reduce your risk of diabetes, which is also on the top ten list of the things that kill.
One of my favorite reads last year was Eat to Live by Dr. Joel Furhman. Within his book is a comprehensive look at the benefits of eating a plant-based diet. He also dispels the myth of other popular diets that don’t work. Far too often MD’s know little about nutrition. Not true for Dr. Furhman.
Well, there you have it. I guess I have ranted enough for a New Year. I am just so sick and tired of losing people I love to avoidable health issues. You know who you are. You know this was a message directly for you. Get off your butt and get moving toward a healthier life right now. Like any bad habit, 3 weeks from now you will have begun to rewire your brain to a new healthier habit. 3 weeks, folks! And after 90 days you own it! Three months to a new you…
Need help? That is why I am here. I help people create successful transformation in their lives by overcoming what seems insurmountable; you won’t overcome it on the couch. Get off your butt and get going. Reach out, you can speak to me for nothing and see if having a coach in your corner wouldn’t change everything.
YOU CAN DO IT…Don’t make me come over there!
You can. It was love that made me do it. It is love that drives my passion for health and wellness. It is love that will heal you. The love of yourself enough to make choices and decisions that not only benefit you, but everyone around you. Love is always the answer. – With love, JR
(J.R. Westen, D.D. is a Holistic Health & Spiritual Counselor who has worked and presented side-by-side with Neale Donald Walsch for over a decade. He is passionate about helping individuals move beyond their emotional and spiritual challenges, transforming breakdowns into breakthroughs. His coaching provides practical wisdom and guidance that can be immediately incorporated to shift one’s experience of life. As is true for most impactful teachers, J.R.’s own struggles and triumphs inspired him to find powerful ways of helping others. Sober since June 1, 1986, J.R.’s passion for helping individuals move through intense life challenges drove him to also specialize in Addiction and Grief Recovery. J.R. currently shares his gift of counseling & coaching with individuals from around the world through the Wellness Center, Simply Vibrant, located on Long Island N.Y. In addition, he operates “Change House” a place where people come to transform, he also works with Escondido Sobering Services and serves on the Board of Directors for the Conversations with God Foundation. He can be contacted at JR@theglobalconversation.com, or to book an appointment, write support@simplyvibrant.com.)
With Colorado’s voters passing the historic Amendment 64, is this further proof that the country is going down the drain? Or have we just begun to realize that our power lies within the freedom to make our own choices?
Marijuana has long been considered the gateway drug, meaning that it leads to harder drugs and a life of crime and dereliction. This point has been argued by many, with little progress in proving or disproving its validity. I could, from my own experience, argue it either way. What I have realized on my own spiritual journey of recovery is that all choices lead us to a higher place, eventually.
The legalization of pot for adults over the age of 21 is vital to point out here. My first experience with pot was when I was 12 years old. I believe that for most people with addictive personalities the first experience with pot comes well before they are of legal age. What is not common knowledge is that an addictive personality exists long before the drug ever is introduced. The disease of addiction is a genetic condition passed down from generation to generation. I do not use the term “genetic defect” as some would because I do not believe it is a defect. In my case, it has been my greatest asset. God would not create a being with a defect, nor would the soul make a mistake.
Do I believe that the smoking of pot unleashed my craving to be high? No, I do not. My first drug was attention, the getting of people’s attention any way I could. I had the strongest desire to be the center of attention in my family from my earliest recollection, and if I didn’t succeed in doing so, I would quickly try another method of achieving my goal. Failing to achieve the attention only gave my addictive personality reason to act out, seeking louder and more brazen behaviors. By the time my first drug (cigarettes) entered the picture, I was merely nine years old. I first began using them to seek the approval of my peers, while at the same time unconsciously still looking to be noticed by my family. Negative attention is better than no attention in the mind of a person with addictive traits.
What happens now in these states that have decided to legalize marijuana? Do we care if someone drives high? How do we administer drug tests when accidents have occurred? Is there going to be a legal limit? What about contact highs? Although I do not fear the occasional smell of pot sending me spiraling back into the darkness of active addiction, it certainly wouldn’t be advised that any recovering addict be exposed high concentrations of secondhand pot smoke. It took going to one indoor concert to realize that was no place for me to be.
What about employers? Will they be cited for discrimination by not hiring someone or firing someone who openly smokes pot? How will society deal with the open use of marijuana? Imagine yourself sitting at the beach with your family and all of the sudden you are surrounded by a group of people who choose to get high. Do we want that as a society?
The list of issues that will need to be addressed will keep the lawmakers busy for quite some time. The personal effect cannot be determined until some time has passed to see what other consequences may pop up.
I do believe that pot use is less harmful than alcohol, and statistics certainly back that up. It is almost unconscionable that society makes legal alcohol consumption. The damage that alcohol costs society is mind-boggling and the personal destruction that can occur in families from drinking is beyond pandemic. Yet the past tells us that it is easier to accept the consequences rather than stand for what is in our best interest. Yes, denial is alive and well in the human species.
So let’s hear what you think about this. Take this time to be open about your thoughts and feelings regarding the legalization of drugs. Should they all be legal? Do we allow people to make choices that we see as unhealthy and let them learn from their mistakes? Does legislation make a difference?
Conversations with God states, “Obedience is not creation, and thus can never produce salvation.” It would seem obvious to me that this statement is proven to be true over and over throughout the course of history. What say you?
(Kevin McCormack is a “Conversations with God” Life Coach, a Spiritual Helper on www.changingchange.net, and an Addictions Recovery Advisor. To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@theglobalconversation.com)
Located in the area of the brain commonly know as the “mid brain” swirls the thoughts of survival. Have you ever put your hand on a hot stove or pot? Did you think to yourself, “Gee, this is hot, I should pull my hand away before I get burned”? Of course you didn’t. Your hand was flying back and away from that pot before you were even aware it was hot. This is your mid brain functioning to keep you safe, providing for your survival.
In the mind of the person with a spiritual deficiency disorder, also know as addiction, the act of taking a drink or a drug or placing a bet or having risky sex or exerting power over another human being is happening before the person can rationalize that what they are doing is harmful. This is how a perversion of the mid brain function takes over a person’s life.
Here is the hope for those afflicted: There is always a pause. There is always an opening for recovery to happen. The alcoholic eventually sleeps after a long night drinking; the sex addict feels deep shame after their binge, and when he awakens, he is momentarily able to consider the magnitude of his powerlessness. Many will cry out, “I will never do that again,” only to find themselves right back in the same pattern only hours later.
Without a spiritual connection, a healthy coping response is virtually impossible. The addict has no power over what is taking place in the mid brain when the reward chemicals are flowing. The possibility for change without outside intervention is minuscule. For recovery to take place, something or someone must take advantage of the “window of opportunity” as it opens. Being aware and present for that brief moment is a difficult task, and the closest friends or family members are rarely capable of providing the help needed.
I have had the experience of the “window or opportunity” opening and feel very fortunate to have had support in getting the help I needed. I look back now and see how it was truly a Divine intervention that had occurred. All of the exact right things lined up at exactly the right time, and I said exactly the right words to the right person: “Dad, I am ready for help.” Three hours later, I was in a detox ward at a local hospital.
Most would say we have no control over the autonomic system and would use the argument that you can not consciously stop yourself from breathing. This would indicate that we have no power over our survival mechanism. Is it true, however, that we actually can stop ourselves from breathing by other means — for example, strangulation. In this example, we used a deductive reasoning to work around a built-in safeguard, effectively achieving the same outcome: our death.
There is much we do not know about the brain and what it is up to most of the time. Some have said that we only use 10% of our brains at any given time. So the possibility exists that somewhere in the brain there is a connection to the divine, a WiFi, if you will. It has been written in many religious and spiritual books “Through Him all things are possible.” I take this to mean that nothing is out of our reach, and nobody is beyond help.
The right brain is known as the intuitive, holistic, spiritual side of the brain. The left side is the logical, rational, thinking side of the brain. There is a super highway, so to speak, that connects these two sides, and it is called the corpus callosum. It is my theory that this highway could be the highway to heaven and that our greatest mystery is happening along that stretch of road. When we ask for help sincerely, powerfully, passionately, the Spirit crosses over from the right side of the brain to the left and infuses our decision-making with healthy, positive, and Holy energy.
This may be an oversimplification of our brain functioning, and I am sure there are many scientists that would rebuke my analogy. The statement I find true is, “No prayer goes unanswered.” We may not listen, we may not always hear, but the fact remains that the request has been answered. It is entirely up to us to listen and acknowledge the presence of God in our lives.
(Kevin McCormack is a “Conversations with God” Life Coach, a Spiritual Helper on www.changingchange.net, and an Addictions Recovery Advisor. To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@theglobalconversation.com)
I was incredibly moved by the personal responses I received from last week’s column on grief and loss. I heard the pain and struggle that so many are moving through surrounding very real grief events happening in their life. I got it overwhelmingly that the help sought was in how to get through the pain and return to a place of peace; boy, do I understand the desire for that. It was all the encouragement I needed to write some follow-up columns here on healing and recovering from emotional pain.
There is something instinctual within each of us that knows that life is not meant to be lived in pain, and so we quite naturally desire relief from it. Yet, as we discussed last week, healing our hurts can be a challenge since we often use less-than-helpful information on how to directly deal with loss and we can end up stuck in them instead.
Completing our hurts is all that the ‘energy-of-emotion’ desires; that is, emotion can only be completed when allowed to be felt and fully expressed…And that takes what it takes. Avoiding or stuffing our feelings is the only way not to complete them. Dealing with some emotions are tougher than others. Let’s talk about some of the emotions that can keep us stuck in pain and tools to help get us through it.
Resentment, or as I like to call it, “The I’d rather be right than happy emotion”
Resentment is at the top of my list. The Buddha said: “You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished BY your anger.” I am sure we have all had experiences of that. Resentment is to literally resend to yourself negative thoughts that create painful emotions and then to do that over and over again. Remaining stuck in resentment is a joy-stealer, love-ender, and a life-experience killer! If left unresolved, overtime it can diminish our physical health as well.
“Resentment is like taking poison, hoping someone else will get sick” – Malachy McCourt.
The inability to overcome resentment probably constitutes the single-most devastating impediment to healing our important relationships, including the one with ourself! Even if we resent someone who has died, the replaying of past events trigger feelings as if they were happening to us right now. In fact, your body doesn’t know the difference. Resentment stands directly opposed to forgiveness, which is the giving up and letting go of the anger without condoning the behavior that caused it.
Look again at that quote: “resentment is like taking poison, hoping someone else will get sick.” This makes clear one of the most devastating aspects of resentment. And if you are experiencing it right now, you know exactly what I mean. If you’re thinking about ways to get even or prove just how wrong the other person is, it may help to remember that the other person, who is that re-occurring bad movie playing over and over again in your mind, is probably feeling no pain, perhaps not even thinking about you at all or the interactions that are currently renting space in your head. Ultimately, resentment hurts you far more than those you may hold a grudge against, so it just makes sense to find a way to heal it.
Here is a practical tool to begin the process of healing resentment:
The First Draft – Second Draft Process
Writing is perhaps one of the best forms of safely expressing one’s self, especially when dealing with resentment. That is the purpose of first draft, to begin the process of expressing, pushing out and leaving behind the pain of resentment. First draft is the place where you get to say and share everything that you are feeling surrounding a particular person or event that has you angry. Rather than stuffing it or confronting someone in an angry way, first draft allows you the space to get it all out on paper…and I mean all of it! Since first draft will never be read by anyone but you, you have the complete freedom to express exactly what you are feeling without the concerns of hurting another. Hold nothing back, edit nothing, just let it rip…Get it ALL OUT!
I have never hurt a piece of paper’s feelings, but I have certainly said things in anger that have caused others to be and feel hurt. First draft is a powerful tool in actually healing resentment with no negative cost to others. Often when we confront another in anger, we make the situation worse, leaving us to deal with bigger problems! Try first draft first; that is why I call it first draft!! First draft is meant to allow you to express ALL the pain, and you do that until you are done, finished and complete. Only then do you move on to second draft to take on the underlying cause. (First draft can be shared with a counselor or trusted advisor to help you in your healing but never with the person it is about; that is what our second draft is for).
Second Draft
Second draft is used as a way of healing the issues which caused the pain, anger, or other emotions you were feeling in your first draft. Second draft IS meant to be read or communicated to another, so we want to ensure that everything that was painful in first draft has been expressed and doesn’t make the trip into our second draft. If you begin to feel the pain again, return to doing a first draft until the feeling is complete. You may have to do this several times, and then maybe several times again, but those feelings will come to an end if you honestly express them. Once your feelings have been completed, return to dealing with the issues, and do so with the idea of healing them. Remember this is a process to resolve the issue that caused the painful feelings to begin with. This is beneficial for you and for the other.
It is also important to remember that you may not get the issue resolved by agreement; that is, you may agree to disagree, but the benefit lives within your willingness to communicate your truth with the intention of healing and being love. Using your power to heal does not require agreement, it only requires your choice to be accepting and clear. That which works for you may not work for another, nor does it have to in order for us to communicate with respect and love. Either way, you will be free of the resentment because you expressed yourself fully and you chose to communicate your truth with love rather than fear.
Second draft also asks us to take responsibility for our part, since how we responded is our responsibility (response-ability). The process may require us to make amends or to clean up our integrity around something we said and did not deliver on. Integrity is merely being your word and being accountable for cleaning up anything that is not followed through on. This type of authentic communication is often the bridge which returns us to open and loving dialogue with the other. When you become willing to take responsibility, it often paves the way of possibility for that other to do so as well. Again, either way, you end up free of resentment.
A second draft also allows us to express things like “when you said _________ I felt ___________. This can be helpful to communicate to the other person, as it may reveal why a breakdown in communication occurred in the first place or why we were triggered, which then allows us to heal. “The Course in Miracles” reminds us that “all attack is a call for help.” When force is used, power is absent. To be in your power is to be a stand for those things which represent you. Standing for what you believe in from a place of love rather than righteousness is the key to being free of resentment. It is people like Nelson Mandela that come to mind when I think of the power to heal. All of us would have understood why he may have held a grudge, yet he decided to change the world instead.
In the end, issues do not have power over us, nor do they make us feel a particular way. Using the first-draft, second-draft process will help you to return to a place of peace and clarity…a reminder that love is always the answer. If you are ready to end the pain caused by resentment, give this process a try. Remember that it is not necessary to agree with another’s point of view or to condone behavior you stand against. Neither position is a good enough reason to stay trapped in the diseased hell of resentment when there is an express train to heaven waiting at the next pen and paper near you.
Please feel free to share your experience and know I am here should you require any help. Until next week, may peace be with you – J.R.
(J.R. Westen, D.D. is a Holistic Health & Spiritual Counselor who has worked and presented side-by-side with Neale Donald Walsch for over a decade. He is passionate about helping individuals move beyond their emotional and spiritual challenges, transforming breakdowns into breakthroughs. His coaching provides practical wisdom and guidance that can be immediately incorporated to shift one’s experience of life. As is true for most impactful teachers, J.R.’s own struggles and triumphs inspired him to find powerful ways of helping others. Sober since June 1, 1986, J.R.’s passion for helping individuals move through intense life challenges drove him to also specialize in Addiction and Grief Recovery. J.R. currently shares his gift of counseling & coaching with individuals from around the world through the Wellness Center, Simply Vibrant, located on Long Island N.Y. In addition, he works with Escondido Sobering Services and serves on the Board of Directors for the Conversations with God Foundation. He can be contacted at JR@theglobalconversation.com, or to book an appointment, write support@simplyvibrant.com.)
There is so much pain in the world. I see it written in the eyes and on the faces of people everywhere I go. Perhaps I see more of it given my work with grief, but all kinds of emotional pain finds its way to my doorstep. I do not see emotional pain as a bad or negative thing, rather I see it for what it is, the opportunity to be one of our greatest guides. It is a process to knowing and experiencing the depths of who we really are. There are many different kinds of emotional pain. And in this week’s column, we will begin to explore the many aspects of grief and recovery. Healing our grief is vital if we desire to create health and lasting happiness, so let’s look at it a little deeper.
What is grief? Most would answer sadness. While sadness may be a part of grief, it’s not representative of the whole picture. Grief is actually all emotions one feels and experiences while moving through any kind of loss. It is also common to feel what would seem to be conflicting emotions while grieving, like sadness and happiness at the same time. For example, sad that a loved one died but happy that they are no longer suffering from the pain of a long illness.
There are major losses, like death and divorce; and minor ones, like breaking or losing a favorite pair of sunglasses. We all experience grief in every form, yet not all recover from it; major losses being especially challenging. Having recovery tools to move through this very natural human emotional process can make the difference between really living versus just existing. Embracing your grief is to embrace your life, for it is part of who you are. Living a life full of joy does not mean we live a grief-free life, it simply means we move through the tough times returning us to our natural state of being. Winston Churchill said, “If you are going through hell, keep going.” I couldn’t agree more.
While I get having a conversation about grief isn’t usually in our “top ten” list, we might want to consider placing it there, for there is no one who escapes it. And learning how to be with it, rather than avoiding that which is unavoidable, just makes sense.
When you look to see what it is you were taught about grief and how to deal with it, it becomes clear that we may have been given some less-than-helpful information around it, if we’re given any info at all. How many of us were taught things like “time heals all wounds” or “big boys don’t cry”? I am sure you could come up with many more of these well-intentioned but untrue statements.
Often there are things communicated that might even be intellectually true for us but aren’t really helpful when we are in the midst of dealing with a loss, things like “they are in a better place now” or “there are more fish in the sea.” Far too often we approach grief with our intellect, which is the wrong tool for the job; grief is an emotional process. Intellectual comments, whether true or not, can leave us feeling empty and isolated. Going through loss alone makes it that much more painful and it’s never recommended. Suggestion number one in “When Everything Changes, Change Everything” is never go it alone.
Avoiding grief can lead us toward unhealthy behaviors which do nothing to help us resolve or heal our pain. The desire to feel different or to “fix” what we are feeling is quite common. Of course, in truth, there is nothing to fix because grieving (feeling) doesn’t make us broken. All of this born out of the idea that there is such a thing as a “bad feeling”; this thought leads us into more pain. Far to often people self-medicate, using all different sorts of substances or different forms of destructive behavior seeking an unneeded cure. Stuffing our feelings over time can create all sorts of health issues. Think about how often do you stuff laughter? Then why do we stuff our pain?
Feelings are created to be expressed and not repressed. When feelings are expressed, they are like waves…they have a beginning, a middle, and an end. Once a wave passes, either a similar feeling begins with less intensity as the next wave or the feeling of being complete begins to set in. Completion is all our feelings desire, simply to be fully expressed, holding nothing back. This emotional process happens until it ends naturally; surrendering to it is the key.
When I became willing to move toward my pain, rather than avoiding or running from it, an interesting thing began to happen for me. Moving toward it, especially with the intention of healing it, revealed gifts my pain had to offer. Gifts you ask? Yes, underneath all emotional pain is buried treasure. It certainly may not look or feel like it when you are in the middle of it, and I do not say this lightly or without empathy for the many painful events we all move through, yet I am still humbled when I think of the many ways my pain has nudged me in directions I may never have taken without it. Here is where our spiritual nature reveals itself, always there, holding us together as we fall apart. I am certain that if you have been on the planet for awhile you have experienced this, probably many times. The question I ask myself these days is, why do I resist it? Especially knowing that perhaps all of my greatest insights and spiritual awakenings have come through some of the most painful events and greatest hardships in my life.
I am moving through such a challenge right now and once again have noticed that old familiar feeling of resistance coming up. Yet there is another voice present, one gently urging me to surrender to the process. This voice whispers: trust that nothing happens by accident and that everything that is happening right now has a reason and purpose behind it, which, as always, supports you and your greater good. Listening to this voice has provided some comfort and a willingness to move back into the process, moving within to heal with a new level of faith and trust. But perhaps more importantly, simply allowing the pain to be expressed rather than repressed; this is the message my soul wishes to remind you of today. There is something wonderful to be experienced within the authentic expression of our emotional process, and to deny yourself that which you created simply because it feels “bad” produces more of the thing you are attempting to avoid anyway. Remember “what you resist persists.”
Moving through emotional pain is a blessing as only moving through it can be. Allow others to not only witness your process but hold you through it. Know that help is available. Know that you are not alone. Reach out…I am here.
I will close this week’s column with this wonderful quote: “Beautiful pictures are developed from negatives in a darkroom…so if darkness has fallen upon you, rest assured that a beautiful picture is being prepared, waiting only for the right time to be revealed.”
The time has come because you are here. What is being revealed for you?
Holding you in my heart – JR
(J.R. Westen, D.D. is a Holistic Health & Spiritual Counselor who has worked and presented side-by-side with Neale Donald Walsch for over a decade. He is passionate about helping individuals move beyond their emotional and spiritual challenges, transforming breakdowns into breakthroughs. His coaching provides practical wisdom and guidance that can be immediately incorporated to shift ones experience of life. As is true for most impactful teachers, JR’s own struggles and triumphs inspired him to find powerful ways of helping others. Sober since June 1, 1986, JR’s passion for helping individuals move through intense life challenges drove him to also specialize in Addiction and Grief Recovery. J.R. currently shares his gift of counseling & coaching with individuals from around the world through the Wellness Center, Simply Vibrant, located on Long Island N.Y. . In addition, he works with Escondido Sobering Services and serves on the Board of Directors for the Conversations with God Foundation. He can be contacted at JR@theglobalconversation.com, or to book an appointment, write support@simplyvibrant.com.)
