cwg
Ahhh…good old, poor old, Justin Bieber. He has landed himself smack dab in the middle of the convergence of several double standards, hasn’t he?
Here’s my take…
On the one hand we raised him up, from the time he was little, and told him just how special he was. We told him that because he was so special, and did such a good job of entertaining us that he could do virtually anything he desired…and we were going to give him the money to do so!
Ooops! Then we told him that, despite the fact that there were surely people who knew exactly the behavior he was getting caught up in, it is not okay to do this thing. We love you, but there are invisible rules to the game that he should have just known don’t get covered and ignored because of his status as special!
At the same time he got special status, because he is so special, and got allowed, as a Canadian National, into the United States to work and live, so that now he gets to be the target/example/representative of what is wrong with American immigration and deportation policies.
Let’s not forget that because he is so special, and because he makes so much money and entertains us so well, it is entirely possible he will be treated in a manner very different than any other 19 year old citizen, but without money, in this country…and this is before throwing in that lovely wild card of skin color.
Wow! wouldn’t we all like to be so special?
Our relationship with celebrity (or anyone who we perceive as “successful”) reminds me of our relationship with God. In these cases WE are God…and we act as we have had demonstrated to us God acts.
So just what has been demonstrated of God’s love and approval to us?
First we are told how loved and lovable we are.
Then we act as if we are as we were told, lovable and perfect in the Creators eyes, and we experiment with Life to figure out who we are.
But then we cross that invisible line that says, whoa! you’re special, but not THAT special! Better watch out or there could be some pretty dramatic results in the end…eternal results!
So, we give being special another go, but we keep an eye out for where that invisible line is, because we now know it is there…and, even though we don’t know it is what we are feeling, we are feeling just a little bit less special every time we stumble upon that line with God, and risk damnation with our next move.
This is the little play we act out with people like Justin Bieber, or any of the others in the news lately. We love to play God, and have the opportunity, finally, to be the one condemning rather than being the condemned.
Here’s a twist, however…I have no problem with anyone “playing God”! The problem I have is with how the part of God gets played by we Humans most of the time! Yes, I capitalized “Human” in the same sentence as “God”. I happen to believe we are individuations of the Divine, which gives us the opportunity to actually use our Humanity in a Divine manner. We are not doing so.
All of that aside, in my view, all that we consider “entertaining” is actually nothing more than “diverting”. Turning our attention away from something to something else. We hand our power to something other than ourselves.
I think it is obvious what our attention is turned to, but from what? At its core, quite simply, away from ourselves…away from our own thoughts, and our own Love. We place it all outside of ourselves, and we reach out to find what will fill us, instead of looking in, with gratitude, at the great gift of this human experience that has been provided by Divinity.
The outside is great! If we view it all through the eyes of our Divine connection. So let’s go one more step…let’s look at Justin Bieber as part of that Divine connection, and even while we notice what isn’t working in his life, love all that he is…because we did co-create the circumstances that resulted in this moment, didn’t we?
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.cwghelpingoutreach.com She may be contacted at: Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
Star of the American reality TV show Duck Dynasty, Phil Roberston, was recently very publicly vocal about his negative view of homosexuality.
A Philadelphia, Pennsylvania United Methodist Church minister, Rev. Frank Shaefer, was defrocked for performing the wedding ceremony of his gay son. (Full article here)
The discussion has taken the usual polarized tone, with the same ground being covered once again…political correctness…the right to free speech…what the Bible says…
The discussion that had the most impact on me was a blog called “In The Parlor” that suggested what we think about homosexuality doesn’t matter any longer saying:
“The stakes are too high now. The current research suggestions that teenagers that are gay are about 3 times more likely to attempt suicide than their heterosexual peers. That puts the percentage of gay teens attempting suicide at about 30-some percent. 1 out of 3 teens who are gay or bisexual will try to kill themselves. And a lot of times they succeed. In fact, Rev. Schaefer’s son contemplated suicide on a number of occasions in his teens.
The fact of the matter is, it doesn’t matter whether or not you think homosexuality is a sin. Let me say that again. It does not matter if you think homosexuality is a sin, or if you think it is simply another expression of human love. It doesn’t matter. Why doesn’t it matter? Because people are dying. Kids are literally killing themselves because they are so tired of being rejected and dehumanized that they feel their only option left is to end their life. As a Youth Pastor, this makes me physically ill. And as a human, it should make you feel the same way. So, I’m through with the debate.”
I agree completely, so I will not engage in the debate here.
Why write this article then? Because a thought occurred to me…is it possible that this is just another act of the perfection of the Universe?
It seems that the offending act of the marriage was committed in 2007, and was revealed recently when Rev. Frank Shaefer’s parishioner, Jon Boger, filed a complaint with Methodist officials.
My thought moves to Mary O’Leary’s cow…the cow who, in legend, kicked over the lantern that began the Great Chicago Fire of 1871 which destroyed a large portion of Chicago. I think also of Judas, the disciple of Jesus, who betrayed Jesus with a kiss.
Have Jon Boger and Phil Robertson joined the ranks of those who, through purpose or by chance, change the world? Are Mr. Boger, and Mr. Robertson’s Soul purposes entirely different than what we perceive the purpose of their physical beings to be?
Think about it. Not only did getting defrocked not deter Rev. Shaefer, it set his resolve even more firmly. A USA Today article quotes him:
“Schaefer was told to give up his pulpit in central Pennsylvania by Thursday if he cannot support the denomination’s Book of Discipline. But Schaefer, who describes the book as contradictory and biased against gay people, said he will not go quietly.”
“I am actively committing to having those discriminatory laws changed and banished from our Book of Discipline,” Schaefer said. “That’s the only way I can reconcile being a United Methodist at this point.”
“I cannot voluntarily surrender my credentials because I am a voice now for many — for tens of thousands — of LGBT members in our church,” he said then.
CWG tells us that religion is not wrong, just incomplete in its understanding. CWG also tells us that leaving a religion you do not agree with is not necessarily the best solution, and to consider being that voice from within that will create a change of understanding in that religion.
Jon Boger has steeled Rev. Shaefer’s resolve in all of this in a way that might not have happened had this simply slid under the radar.
The “In The Parlor” article referred to above was penned by a person who identifies themself as being a youth minister…and whose mind has publicly moved from the debate and into saying:
“We are now faced with the reality that there are lives at stake. So whatever you believe about homosexuality, keep it to yourself. Instead, try telling a gay kid that you love him and you don’t want him to die.”
When you humanize a theory or a theology, it gets different, and you often find you must change your mind.
Can we, in this New Year, resolve to humanize and personalize the issue…now?
(With true wishes of Peace on Earth dancing like sugar plum fairies in my head…Therese)
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of, and Spiritual Helper at, the global website at www.cwghelpingoutreach.com She may be contacted at: Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
I’d like to propose that we make some New Year’s Resolutions that aren’t quite the usual ones. Oh, I think it would be commendable to resolve to lose weight, exercise more or quit smoking, but in the context of this site, I would like us all to consider something more.
Here, in the space of The Global Conversation, we do a lot of “conversating”…we talk a lot about the state of things, and wonder what we can do to forward a new paradigm. We put theories of what might be done out there, but we never seem to acknowledge much, or for very long, what is actually, and already being done! I came upon an article at Truthout, by Gar Alperovitz and Keane Bhatt, that intrigued me greatly, entitled “What Then Can I Do? Ten Ways to Democratize the Economy”.
This article makes note of the current problems such wealth inequities, politics, “social and economic pain”, the environment etc., and asks “What can one person do?”
Then it proceeds to list the ten ways it feels most of us can, right now, begin to create the paradigm we desire. They site examples of how these things are already working around the world.
Now, I’m going to admit to you that some of the things, for me, are going to be easy to do, (and I’ll bet you will be able to guess which ones those are), and some have me hoping that those with the background to fully understand what the heck they are, see the article, and step up and step in and aid in this creation! Boy am I glad those people exist in this world! But I am willing to bet that there is at least one thing on this list that can help you declare and to do what you have chosen to Be in this world, and that you can resolve to do! (I think the last one is the most fun, but you will definitely have to go to the full article to understand why!)
There are so many, many good things happening out there in our world these days, that are being overshadowed by all of the chaos…I think that articles like this show that CWG’s assertion that just when it feels like you want to quit is exactly when you should strengthen your resolve, because what you have been working for us just over the ridge.
Here, then, is the list, and if you want to see the full article and fill in the blanks, go to this link, where, at the end, they also give you the opportunity “to start a conversation…”
1. Democratize Your Money!
Put your money in a credit union-then participate in its governance.
2. Seize the Moment: Time For Worker Ownership!
Help build a worker co-op or encourage interested businesses to transition to employee ownership and adopt social and environmental standards as part of their missions.
3. Take Back Local Government: Demand Participatory Budgeting!
Organize your community so that local government spending is determined by inclusive neighborhood deliberations on key priorities.
4. Push Local Anchors to do Their Part!
Make nonprofit institutions like universities and hospitals use their resources to fight poverty, unemployment, and global warming.
5. Reclaim Your Neighborhood With Democratic Development!
Build community power through economic development and community land trusts.
6. Public Money for the Public Good!
Organize to use public finances for community development.
7. Stop Letting Your Savings Fuel Corporate Rule!
Get your workplace to offer more retirement-plan opportunities for responsible investment.
8. Democratize Energy Production to Create a Green Economy!
Get involved in public and cooperative utilities to fight climate change.
9. Mobilize the Faith Community!
Get your religious organization to move its money to a local financial institution involved in community development.
10. Make Time for Democracy!
Fight unemployment by joining the fight against work.
So, what can you do? Resolve to start Doing your Being this year!
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of, and Spiritual Helper at, the global website at www.cwghelpingoutreach.com She may be contacted at: Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
I was thinking about “welfare” today. As it exists in the United States, of course. I looked up some statistics.
Money spent on Welfare in the U.S. was “$1.03 trillion on 83 means-tested federal welfare programs in fiscal year 2011 alone,” according to Read more:
It also seems that if one forsakes the normal systems entirely, and lives on the streets, asking only what each individual person has in their heart or ability to share, it is still not acceptable. To highlight this point Mormon Bishop David Musselman disguised himself as a homeless person and entered a Sunday service. The congregation was less than welcoming. In the U.S. alone, there are 600,000+ homeless…although statistics seem to show that number is dropping. Read more:
Money spent on prisons in the U. S. was about $74 billion a year, and makes the U.S. have the largest incarceration rate in the world, according to —— and other sources, and “The US has the highest incarceration rate in the world not because it has higher crime rates, but because it imprisons more types of criminal offenders, including non-violent and drug offenders, and keeps them in prison longer.” Read more:
While the financial numbers are disparate, to be sure, isn’t a LOT a lot? It occurred to me that Progressives and Conservatives alike are providing “Welfare” but simply calling it something that agrees with the way they believe human society should function. Some consider that we are “our brother’s keeper”, and others believe in “an eye for an eye”. And while I am well aware that I am speaking primarily of my knowledge of America, I am not ignorant of caning and stoning and inhumane prison conditions in the rest of the world.
My question is this…Why is the thought of directly helping people so abhorrent that we have to create a world in which we virtually demand that people commit a crime, or beg, in order to be taken care of? Do we continue to create more and more poverty so that the rich can feel superior, and vindicated by giving to people made to beg in some way? Is this the accepted way of giving and receiving among us these days?
As CWG states, all attack is a cry for help. Why don’t we, as a world for the most part, see that “criminals” are, at their root cause, asking for help? Aaahh, that might be the crux, might it not? Who/what benefits from the current system? Might it be the private prison system, that is incentivized by states guaranteeing a certain number of prisoners? Might it be a current political clime that operates under a fear and power paradigm? Maybe.
These “criminals” are part of a much larger picture. How is it that their cries for help, from a very young age, and culturally, have been ignored? Is it possible that our cultures come from our understandings of how God treats us? Is it possible that a God who will punish with eternal damnation will also ask us to “spare the rod, spoil the child”? Operate under the “eye for an eye” model? Obviously, for many.
What creates the need for a welfare system of any kind? What kinds of government and corporate structures reinforce the paradigm?
Is it also possible that the conflict within humanity at this time knows that we are all One, and that we should take care of one another, with no condition, but is pulled by all around us to act within the punishment paradigm? What might that marriage of those conflicting thoughts produce? To me, it produces prisons. It produces people who believe they have to be bad, and forgiven, to be given succor, and community. It produces a system of Prison as Welfare.
I believe it is time to begin reforming God, not reforming prisons or the welfare system.
It is time, to look at the duality of our belief system that at once says that we have a punishing God, and a Loving God in the same breath.
Which is it?
It is, and of course, as always, up to us to decide. Up to you, and to me, to Be the change we wish to see. It is time to be honest enough with ourselves to notice whether or not this duality feels true to us. It is time to be brave enough to admit it to ourselves if it does not.
I know how difficult this can be. I used to have what I call “half completed sentence” dialogs with myself….”if God really is all loving, how could he…? If I really am created in the image and likeness of God, why am I…?” Stop that thought! If I didn’t compete it, I hadn’t fully sinned! More accurately, if I didn’t complete it, I wouldn’t have to do anything about it, and risk angering and/or disappointing others. I wouldn’t lose what I had, even though I knew instinctively it wasn’t working.
When the circle of thought brings us back to ourselves, what does that mean in terms of everyday life? I believe it means it is time to notice, within ourselves, if we are angry and sad and reach out for someone to help us understand. I believe it is time to notice those around us who seem to be struggling to find a place in this world, and be there for them. To hear their unvoiced cries for help. I believe it is time to consider that God does not ask us to beg…but does ask us to understand one another, and I most fervently believe that Goddess asks us to know that the greatest joy in life comes from giving, with full and open heart and soul, to others. Indeed, I believe this is all we are here for. Reform God, and we just may not have any need to have people begging, in any form, for what it takes to live in this world, and we just may reform it all.
How are you “reforming” God?
This idea has been swimming in my head for a very long time. At one point in time, I was corresponding with more than 30 inmates in various correctional institutions around the country. The charges ranged from simple burglary to murder. One was even on death row.
I got to know them as men and women, not as criminals. They wrote about their families and about their dreams and their hopes for the future. They were poets, songwriters and artists. Several times a week, my mailbox would be graced with an envelope that was beautifully decorated by an inmate. I used to have a collage of many of these works of art, but sadly, I lost it in a house fire.
I was inspired by these men and women to rethink my ideas about those who commit crimes. To see them not as someone who got what they deserved, as “low life” who don’t deserve any of the “good things” in life, but as a human being who had made some ineffective choices.
I am aware that most people see the justice system as a means of making sure the criminal “gets what s/he deserves”, but I have long seen the justice system as a means of “rehabilitating” those incarcerated within its prison walls. It long ago ceased to make any sense to me to throw these people into cages, treat them like animals, deny them access to any means of bettering themselves and then, when we release them, to be surprised that they return to a life of crime!
A recent insight that came to me is that most crime is about trying to feel in control in a world that feels out of control on so many levels. Those who work in rape crisis centers have long been aware that rape is not a sex crime: it is a crime about power and control. Those who work in women’s shelters have long been aware that domestic violence is not about uncontrollable anger but about power and control over another. (The other crimes are where people just don’t think—they have a momentarily lapse of judgment and make a “stupid” decision. Like someone who shoplifts a cigarette lighter when they have the money in their pocket to pay for it.)
In the CwG material, God tells us that no one does anything inappropriate given his/her view of the world. And then recently, in What God Said, I read:
- [T]he Conversations with God theology suggests that the only motivation that makes sense to our Soul is the goal of experiencing, expressing, and demonstrating Divinity. So we will, as enlightened beings, seek to do “what works” to produce that experience from moment to moment.
It was a sort of “Aha!” moment for me. How “enlightened” we are will determine “what works” for us to produce that experience of Divinity. And what, at its base, is the experience of Divinity? That of creating the life that we choose. And for those who are “less enlightened”, this is experienced as being the one who calls the shots. Being “in control.”
This logically leads to one conclusion: a criminal is seeking to express and demonstrate their view and understanding of Divinity! The creative energy that is part of that divinity manifests as taking control of others to create the world they want when they want it! It is “what works” for them to fulfill that drive to experience Divinity. Until they get caught.
It’s already evident that “getting tough on crime” doesn’t work. Rather than seeking harsher penalties and more jail time for those who have violated the social mores of their culture, perhaps it would be more effective to help them find further enlightenment so the next time they choose to express their Divinity, no one else is adversely affected.
Recently, there was a stabbing in a high school cafeteria in Texas.
Because of a shoulder bump…really? Was that really the cause? Maybe for them it was, but I am looking for a different discussion here. I’m looking for the discussion that looks for cause, because I believe it is only from that discussion we can truly move into doing something about what we discover.
Have you ever paid attention to the young people in your world? Yes, you may say, you love your children. But do you really look at any others?
It is my observation that the young people in my neighborhood are virtual ghosts to adults. We do not look them in the eye. We do not speak to them. What we will do is automatically think ill of them. The Black and Hispanic kids are gang members, of course. All are lazy and up to no good.
And it does appear to be somewhat true. There is escalating violence and declining test scores and climbing dropout rates. But are these young people at cause or are they a symptom? Are they the fallout?
IT IS EASIER TO BUILD STRONG CHILDREN THAN TO REPAIR BROKEN MEN ~ Frederick Douglass
I believe they are the fallout. I believe what they do is the result of buying into “things” as the definition of success. I believe they are the symptom of looking outside of ourselves for happiness…so far outside of ourselves that we leave our children at home, while we go in search of something to fill that empty place within us.
Why do we feel so empty, that who we are isn’t enough? How did we get taught this?
I believe it is because we are also taught to look for God outside of ourselves. Our parents are told, through our religions, our cultures, advertising and more, that perfection, happiness, wholeness, Divinity, lies anywhere except within ourselves…and they continue the cycle by passing it down to their children. They don’t know any better. If it doesn’t make sense, don’t question it…it’s a matter of “Faith,” one of the things that mere mortals will never understand, that mortals should never understand because we are so sinful, don’t question…or you will find yourself separated from that God you are already separated from forever.
But there is an uneasiness growing, isn’t there? More and more you see even the strictest of religious persons conflicted in their beliefs. Men like former Vice-President Dick Cheney, who believes in the moral imperative for war, now believes that his lesbian daughter is still lovable, and good. Life and real people in our lives are putting reality in conflict with what we have been told about being separate from God and contradicting what the rules of God are…and the love of real people is winning out.
Could the reason the love of real people is winning out is because it is as God always intended? Could it be that the vision of the bloodied bodies of hatred of all kinds is breaking our hearts? Are we seeing that if it can break our hearts, it is quite likely not what God wants…and just might be offensive to Her?
How do we change this cycle? How do we stop our young people from doing things like stab another to death in a cafeteria? I believe it is quite simple.
Look at them. Talk to them. Engage them fully in your life. Be there for them. Don’t expect others to entertain them for you…play a game with them, take a walk with them, talk to them, listen to them.
It seems futile to me to expect children to spend their first years being ignored, and being treated as not yet fully worthy because they are not 18, or 21, and yet, at that magic numbered age they are somehow expected to know how to fully engage in society. A teenager is told they should act more adult, and have adult consequences for their actions…but are treated like children in the very next breath. This world exhibits over and over again how little they value children, enslaving them, beating them, indoctrinating them, putting guns in their hands, starving them and more…yet we still claim that the future lies in their hands, and they are our hope. How can this possibly be?
Our hope, does, indeed, lay with our children, but we must first give them hope. All any of us desires in this life is to be seen. It is where we put context to our self image. Yet we have ghosts wandering our streets looking for someone to see them, because their parents won’t. I don’t see these parents as bad parents, by the way. I do see them as not knowing a better way. Maybe we can all teach each other a better way? In the total scheme of things, aren’t we all just children looking for guidance and inspiration?
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of, and Spiritual Helper at, the global website at www.cwghelpingoutreach.com She may be contacted at: Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
Dear Therese,
A friend and I have been doing things together twice a week for almost ten years. We enjoy our time together, and have many things in common, but that’s not the problem. My problem is that I always drive, because she doesn’t, and she has never once offered to pay me for gas. Until recently that wasn’t an issue, because the places we like to go are in her area, but I am on a fixed income and would sure like to keep costs down for me, and there are things much closer to me that I could go to, instead of by her. How do I tell her?
W.H. in Wisconsin
Dear W.H.,
The simple answer, W.H., is tell her exactly what you just told me! You’ve given no indication that she is abusive or unreasonable, which probably means that she has likely fallen into the habit of letting you pay. Is it possible that when this arrangement began you consistently told her it was your pleasure, or no problem, or you liked doing this? Sweetie, if you don’t speak up, you will never know if there really is a problem! It could be that she is very willing to pay, just doesn’t know circumstances have changed for you.
Your predicament is a microcosm of a much larger social problem, of course. We are encouraged to give, but not told why. The “why” is because this life isn’t about us, it is about how our lives touch and improve the lives others. (Put very simply , of course) What we aren’t really told these days, is that all benefits must be mutual. The mutual ultimately boils down to the joy of giving, but being the human beings that we are, it often takes something a little more concrete to demonstrate mutuality. For sure it means that one person can not take advantage of another. When generosity is abused the energy of the relationship changes, and we feel it.
Then comes the next predicament. We are also told that we have to be nice. We are encouraged to avoid conflict. We are fearful that other people won’t like us. None of these things are necessarily wrong, until they stop us from being true to ourselves. When we stop being true to ourselves, W.H., we also stop giving from our joy, and our giving becomes tainted.
When our giving no longer comes from our joy, as is demonstrated in your case, it effects relationships. Your friend, W.H., has no way of knowing that something has changed unless you tell her. Chances are she suspects, by your behavior, or some subtle changes in you, but she can not really know until you tell her your truth. I suggest you tell her very gently, but directly, that your circumstances have changed. Don’t just stop doing things with her and go to places closer without giving her a chance to give back to you. Who knows, she may have been hiding information from you about her finances or other things, and may wish to talk to you, too. This one thing may actually open up a whole new avenue of communication between the two of you.
We just never know where standing in our own truth, even in seemingly simple things, will take us!
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.cwghelpingoutreach.com She may be contacted at: Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
I believe that one of the secrets to a more loving world is empathy. Being able, even for just a second, to put yourself in another’s shoes in even the smallest way will enhance our feeling of Oneness while decreasing the amount of judgment we all encounter in our daily lives. It will increase our level of acceptance and tolerance and diminish the sense of superiority that allows us to justify the harmful way that we treat others at times.
Some kinds of empathy are easier to get in touch with than others. When someone’s family member or beloved pet transitions to the “spirit world”, most of us can empathize with the sense of lose that is felt. We have no problem empathizing with those who experience great joy and happiness at the birth of a child or the promotion they’ve been waiting for or the pride that swells in their heart seeing their child perform in the kindergarten play as the third hippopotamus or score that first goal in a football or soccer game.
But there are other kinds of empathy we seek to avoid, sometimes consciously, sometimes unconsciously. Empathy for things we have deemed “evil” or “wrong” or “bad” is often not something we are consciously willing to allow ourselves to feel. We seem to think that if we can empathize with a murderer or a rapist or an abuser or a thief that part of us becomes a murderer, rapist, abuser or thief. This is not a comfortable feeling for us: we want to think of ourselves as “better” than that, as more spiritually aware, as more “saintly” or more “pure” or simply as a decent human being. We don’t want to admit that we are the same as, that we are One with, those whose faces are plastered on the evening news or are put into jail or even executed for their actions.
Throughout the Conversations with God material, God says that man, in relationship to God, is just as a drop of ocean water is to the ocean: the drop of water is the same as the ocean, differing only in degree. And the same is true of empathy: we have all felt the same feelings that motivate murderers, rapists, abusers and thieves: we just have not felt them to the same degree, therefore the resulting behaviors are different. I realize there are other factors governing behavior, including beliefs, past experiences (whether remembered or not), level of maturity (emotional and spiritual), etc. This is not an attempt to make a direct and exclusive cause and effect connection between feelings and actions. It’s an attempt to demonstrate that we are all more alike than most of us want to admit.
Have you ever gotten so frustrated with your child that you said something like “You are so stupid sometimes!” or “Stop being a spoiled brat!” or reached out and slapped their hand or their backside? Then you’ve done and felt, in a small way, the same thing a child abuser does and feels.
Have you ever gotten into an argument with your spouse/partner and started scream at them “I hate you! You are such as idiot!” or thrown something across the room, not even in their direction or simply not spoken to them for days at a time because you were so angry? You’ve behaved, to a lesser degree, just like an abusive partner in a domestic violence situation.
Have you ever been driving down the street and flipped off a driver who cut you off or laid on your horn at someone who didn’t go as soon as the light was green or got as close to someone’s back bumper as you could without hitting them because they did something to anger you? You’ve acted, in a small way, like someone with road rage.
Have you ever found a $10 bill lying on the ground in the grocery store and just picked it up and put it in your pocket? Or, knowing you were out of bandaids at home, and you’re sitting in an exam room waiting to be seen by a doctor, you open a cabinet and pocket a dozen bandaids? Or you’re walking though a grocery store and you’re so hungry your stomach is growling so you pop a few grapes in your mouth or a piece of candy from the bulk foods bins? Have you ever called in sick when you weren’t and gotten paid for it? Ever called a friend to punch you in on time cause you were running late or, if you still fill in time sheets, ever pad your time sheet with 15 minutes here and there? Have you ever surfed the internet while at work even though your company policy doesn’t allow it? You have, in a small way, acted just like a thief.
Have you ever bought a mouse trap, knowing it was going to kill the mouse it caught? Or have you ever killed a whole lot of mosquitoes or house flies or spiders that were infesting your house? Have you ever struck someone in anger or frustration or even pain? Have you ever driven home when you had had too much to drink? Then you have, in a small way, behaved just like a murderer.
Have you ever intentionally scared someone you knew hated being scared just to laugh at their reaction? Have you ever held someone down and tickled them even if they were yelling, “No! Please stop!” Have you ever given your partner the silent treatment because they didn’t want to be physically intimate and you did? Then you have, in a small way, behaved just like a rapist.
Have you ever forgotten, even once, to provide food or water to a pet? Have you ever forgotten, even once, to pick up your child from a friend’s house or from an after school activity? Have you ever, even once, had to backtrack because you forgot to drop your child off at the sitter or at daycare on your way to work? Then you have behaved, in a small way, like child or animal abusers.
When you’re watching shows like the “American Idol” audition episodes where they make fun of some of the contestants for their abilities or the way they dress or their behaviors, do you laugh and join in from home? Have you ever made fun of someone because of their weight or what they look like? Do you use the word “gay” to mean the same thing as “stupid” or “ridiculous”? Do you ever call someone a “retard” or a “bitch” or any other derogatory term in anger? Then you have behaved, in a small way, just like a bully.
But, I can hear you saying, those are not the same thing as being a murderer or a rapist or an abuser or a thief or a bully!
And you are correct! It’s not the same…anymore than a drop ocean water is the same thing as the ocean….
Someone posted this graphic on Facebook awhile ago, presumably in response to news that Kmart will be staying open for 41 hours straight, beginning early on Thanksgiving Day, (for non-Americans reading this, Thanksgiving falls on a Thursday every year, and big sales happen the Friday after stores have been closed for a day.) and several other major retail chains will have opening hours actually on Thanksgiving Day, not the traditional early morning hours of the following Friday, for the “Black Friday” sales.
Of course, even though I agree with this graphic, one must also remember that many/most? work on holidays FOR family. They need the money. Living wages are low, and holiday pay is simply higher.
I think we also have to remember that Americans have a country in which the family structure is being ripped asunder, family “values” are fluid, and we have way too many families that just haven’t bonded, or are broken…and they simply don’t wish to be together. So sad…
But why are these things this way? I have my theories, and many of them are articulated in an article found on Shmoop on line. It says, in part, that during the Eisenhower presidency, things began to shift from a production society, to a consumption society:
“The difference between a production society, which focused on meeting basic needs, and a consumption society, which emphasized customers’ wants, was like the difference between a 1908 Ford Model T and a 1959 Ford Galaxie. The Model T, available only in black, was a utilitarian piece of machinery intended for basic transportation. The Galaxie, decked out in shiny chrome, was a way to show off and to enjoy a sense of luxury, not just to move from place to place. Within a year or two, it would be obsolete as fashion changed. Blessed with abundant resources, America could afford to turn part of its productive capacity to creating glitz and fashionable waste. An older generation was careful to save and reuse; Americans in the Fifties began to use and throw away. They became ‘consumers.’” For full article click here.
Coming from the deprivations of a World War, the temptation towards consumerism was overwhelming. Add to this that the “powers that be” figured out that planned obsolescence would fuel faster turnover, and the marketing world figured out how to make consumers desire things they don’t even need.
We became a consumer society.
We became addicted to “things”, and let “things” define who we are
…and then we became indentured servants to the banks
…and when we became indentured servants
…we did the “right” thing and women started leaving the home, to pay the bills, have more things and in the name of “women’s equality”
…and left children at home, and with strangers
…and we made the choice to let advertisers tell our children that “things” were more important than being with parents
…and parents started giving “things” instead of time to show their children love.
We have created a modern version, here in the United States, of debtors prison. And we have people who no longer know how to interact with one another if we feel the only thing we have to offer is ourselves. And we exported this vision of ourselves, and set about converting the rest of the world.
Please don’t get me wrong on a couple of points here. There is nothing wrong with having those “things” as long as they are not defining your life, and are merely enhancing it. (Even that statement must be caveated with the knowing that manufacturing, as we know it today, is taking a huge toll on natural and human resources, which is an entirely different discussion.) I know full well that having enough money to cover, at the very least, basic human needs, takes a huge strain off of relationships, and facilitates life. I also know that the role of women in this world has to shift, and that “women’s rights” is not a dirty little phrase. In fact, I believe it is the key to changing the direction of this country, and the world.
Women did, indeed, in the 1950’s and especially the 1960’s, step into the current power paradigm, which, obviously to most of us, is not working. But we are in the next phase of recognizing the hole that we have dug for ourselves. I also believe that it goes against our nature to stay in that energy. This is a discussion that I have actually had elsewhere on in this newspaper as well.
I believe that women first had to experience the form of power that had been denied them throughout history, the power of force, in order to feel they had self determination at last. Power is actually not a bad thing, in and of itself, and is needed at times in order to be the guiding parent, the household organizer, and, yes, the business woman, and more. But we are now remembering that it has to be tempered with something else…that intangible that is the feminine. Power had to be experienced in order to recognize it wasn’t what was truly being sought. It is now time to stop playing the game by the old rules. Time to stop putting a skirt on the men’s rules and calling them feminine. Women now must recognize there is power in being able to mix their femininity with their male strength. Time to stop living the “We are all One…and all men are created equal…unless you are a woman.”
Still, even in the old paradigm, women began to teach, if incompletely, that there really IS a different way to view one another. Unfortunately, in most cases, the change was external…men doing dishes, washing clothes, housework…but then it became more subtle. It became okay for men to share the child-rearing responsibilities… and who is the mentor in this situation? The woman. Now we have men recognizing their own gentle strength, and men and women teaching this to their sons and daughters.
Right now we still have too many women so wrapped up in the power paradigm that they don’t even, necessarily recognize that they perpetuate the paradigm that says they are less than. But this next phase is happening.
Women, when they are balanced and spiritual and assured of who they are, will be the ones to raise the boys who know the same…and then men will also know their own true power and be allowed to put down the burdens of the current use of that power.
Balanced women. Balanced men. New paradigm. Children who feel connected to family for a lifetime. No need to outsource happiness and still feel empty. No need to shop on Thanksgiving? Time to begin living and feeling a new “Oneness” concept? Time to truly be Grateful?
A good friend of mine is going through some major changes in her life – angry separation from family, decrease in career/income, and her gentleman friend called and told her he’d found someone new.
She’s in a panic and turning to me and another good friend for support. I offered her the WECCE book, which she started to read and then put down. At this time she’s in no mood to hear that these changes may be for her own good and/or that she created them.
I want to support her, but am unsure what to say to her or do for her. I cannot in honesty say “poor dear”, because I DO believe WECCE (it’s worked in my life many times). I can agree with her that it’s a frightening and sad time for her, but she’s not ready to hear that the choice not to be frightened and sad has to come from within herself.
I’ve told her that I know (from experience) that there’s really nothing I can say to make her feel better, that’s a decision she must make for herself. But that I will support her totally in her choices to create the life she really wants, and that I love her.
At one point in WECCE Neil says to stay with a feeling until it no longer serves you. Maybe that’s what she’s doing – staying with the saddness, anger and fear until it no longer serves? Then when she asks for help, what does a friend say?
Thanks, K
Dear K,
You have given her the book, and when/if it is time for her to read it, she will. How lucky she is to have a friend like you who cares enough to not just talk, but to give tools!
There is nothing wrong, by the way, with saying, “poor dear” to her at this point in her changes, K. This human experience is all too real and all too painful, more so for some than others. Saying “poor dear” now, does not mean that you must continue to do so, which would, of course, be enabling her to not even consider changing her mind about what is going on. So, yes, for now she must experience sadness, anger and fear until it no longer serves her…but, of course, everything does eventually serve.
The mistake that your friend may be making, regarding the “she created them” statements in the book, is forgetting that we are co-creators…and even then we are co-creating on a Soul level, and for a Soul purpose! We most often have no direct control over the total picture, because we are rarely alone in that picture! However, and this is the big “however”, we do have control over our own reactions to the events of our lives. The big lie, if you will, is that we can not consciously control who we are, in any given situation. WECCE, as you know, gives us tools on how to do just that. It gives us tools to overcome past data and become conscious co-creators and not victims. The biggest example I give is Nelson Mandella. He was in prison for many years, unjustly, and yet he knew that this was just his external circumstance, and that it had nothing to do with who he really is. The same can be said of Jesus, or Ghandi, and many others. There were surely people in that same prison with Mandella, imprisoned falsely, who thought of themselves as victims. The two thieves on the cross with Jesus…one found gratitude and love, the other stayed in victimhood. They each made a choice.
You might consider, when you are around your friend, and she is negative and in victim mode, asking her gentle questions and gently pointing out different ways of looking at things. For instance, when she points out how horrible her boyfriend is, you might ask her if it isn’t a good thing that he isn’t lying to her any more so she can move on with her life in truth…or if it isn’t a good thing that she isn’t taking any more risk of disease. I am sure you get where I am going. There is always a positive side, if one is willing to change their mind.
Of course, if the negativity continues, it may come to the point you refer to above, and you simply have to say, “I can see that you are hurting, but I can also see that none of the things that I have said mean anything to you right now. I would like you to find the help and support you require, but it is clearly not coming from me right now. I love you, and will be here when you think I can really be of help to you, but I can’t just sit here and let you live in misery and enable you to do so.”
I would encourage you to encourage her to look at what fear (panic) is doing to her, and see that it doesn’t really serve her in the way she might think it is serving her. Those are emotions that only cause us to stay in place, whilst looking backward with longing…but she can change her mind about her future!
Thank you for coming here, and thank you for being a good friend, K!
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.cwghelpingoutreach.com She may be contacted at: Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
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