relationship
Isn’t it heartwarming and wonderful to watch very young children, two-, three-, four-year-olds, who express and demonstrate their love so spontaneously and unreservedly? It’s not unusual to hear the collective sound of a harmonious “awww” from observers on a playground witnessing two new young friends sharing in an impromptu hug or unforeseen kiss on the cheek. These children live in pure awareness. Their love is unfiltered, not yet programmed, authentic, allowing them to exemplify the level and kind of love we all yearn for but have somehow forgotten how to experience.
But why have we forgotten?
At some point in our childhood, we are exposed to and told to believe in a different kind of love. This different kind of love works swiftly to reprogram what we come here already knowing: that we already ARE love. This different kind of love then works tirelessly to convince us that if we “do this” or “be that” or “do things in a particular way,” we will finally earn and be rewarded the love of another. Haven’t we all, at some point or another in our lives, yearned to hear the words “I love you”?
But what do we really mean when we utter these three words to another with an underlying hope that we will, in turn, hear “I love you” back? To say nothing of the paralyzing fear that the possibility exists that we may not be the recipient of another’s confirmation of love. Would it be possible to be in a relationship where the knowing of one’s love was so palpable that the desire and need to hear this verbal affirmation would no longer present itself?
Somewhere along the way, in an attempt to capture the essence of love in a way that makes sense, we boxed it into our language, as we do many of life’s esoteric ideas and concepts, and formulated our own version of love. We have minimized, twisted, stretched, warped, contorted, and manipulated this small but powerful phrase — “I love you” — to the point that its meaning is almost spiritually unrecognizable. We hinge or hasten our expression of love upon some need-driven expectation of what we may or may not receive in return.
Imagine a world where we did not condition our love, or the expression of it, upon an assurance and acknowledgment that we will be loved back, a world where everyone demonstrates their love freely, openly, and unconditionally, where love was not bartered over or bargained for. I have, on more than one occasion, found myself asking the question: Are we even capable of experiencing unconditional love for a period of time beyond an occasional moment or two?
And the answer I receive is that if we fully awakened to who we really are – all of us – we would never place another condition upon our love. We would not need to prove love’s reciprocity because we would already know and feel its omnipresence. Fear and doubt would never cause us to hesitate in expressing our deepest gratitude and affection to anyone, as we would no longer buy into a perceived need to self-protect; but rather we would each place into the world our highest intentions and actions, giving freely from the source of our own abundance, understanding that the entire purpose of our being here in the first place has very little, if anything, to do with ourselves…and everything to do with all those with whom we share our path.
I once saw an interview with Tony Robbins, the well-known motivational speaker, where he was asked if he gets nervous before he walks out on a stage in front of thousands of people. His answer was (paraphrasing): “If I thought that going out on that stage had anything to do with me, I would be nervous, tongue-tied, struggling to find my words. But going out there has nothing to do with me. It is about those people in the audience. I am here for them.”
That, to me, is unconditional love, giving your gifts absent the necessity to receive anything particular in return, a choice and demonstration of your Highest Self which arises out of a deeper understanding of why you are here. Unconditional love asks, “Who am I in the room to heal? And how will I let them know I am here?”
Perhaps as our world continues to shed its Old Cultural Story, the one which carries with it a “different kind of love,” we will collectively begin to once again behold the world as our playground, just as we did when we were children, spontaneously and unreservedly declaring and expressing, returning to Love and a remembrance of Who We Really Are.
(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com)
Day after day, week after week, month after month, and year after year, hundreds of thousands of people travel from all corners of the globe to the small southeastern European country of Croatia to communicate with a man named Braco, to engage in a unique “conversation,” if you will, that surpasses spoken words, an interaction which has demonstrated itself to be impervious to religious preferences, nationality, race, age, sexual orientation, gender, or any other brand of identifier we could place upon ourselves. These exchanges do not even discriminate against those who have little or no financial ability…as they are completely free to every single person who wants to attend.
Braco does not speak, he does not make physical contact with anyone, nor does he use any type of nonverbal suggestions.
He simply gazes silently into each and every person’s eyes.
For 5 to 7 minutes, in a room filled with people, the only form of communication taking place is a silent gaze into each other’s eyes, where participants can see themselves reflected back through Braco’s eyes, connecting to something greater than themselves. And while Braco does not claim to be a healer, but rather a flow-through of the positive and beautiful feelings and energy which we all carry within us, thousands profess to have experienced significant transformations in their life after a silent gazing event.
As with many nontraditional forward-thinking concepts, these gazing events have not gone without criticism by skeptics and nonbelievers. But why are thousands of people flocking to this man, yearning for this experience? My intention for writing about this phenomenon is not intended to be an advertisement for Braco, but rather he caused me to reflect upon and explore more deeply how we could apply this very same methodology in our own personal relationships right here, right now, without the need to embark on a pilgrimage to Croatia.
The way we choose to communicate in our relationships determines and changes the way we experience our relationships. We are pretty good at speaking our minds when we have something to say, but how good are we at using our bodies to communicate? If our body language is not in harmony with our words, is our message being conveyed the way we would like to believe it is? And when someone is communicating with us, are we “gazing” in their eyes? Are we leaning in to them? Are we being a “flow-through” for the energy exchange taking place…or are we resembling something more like a brick wall?
I am sure we can all come up with several instances where the loving glance of a parent reassured us or the pinched brow of a partner conveyed feelings of hurt, without the necessity of words. So often we drift out of the present moment, excitedly gathering our thoughts about what we want to say next, perched so closely on the edge of telling our story that we even go so far as to actually talk over the sacred expression of another. How can we receive if we do not create the space of silence for it to be placed within? How can we truly hear if we are striving so desperately to be heard?
In the most heartfelt and intimate of conversations with our loved ones, we are more apt to settle into a space of intention and commit to being fully present and open and available. But what prevents us from entering into that space with all of our relationships? Our co-workers, our parents, our neighbors, our children, each and every person we encounter each and every day?
Perhaps Braco is really on to something here. Hundreds of thousands of people from around the world seem to think so. Maybe we as a society are too busy talking, writing, thinking, intellectualizing, planning, analyzing, and strategizing. Perhaps it is in the stillness of our being and in the reflection of each other’s eyes that we hold the ability to understand each other on a level never before experienced.
And if we are willing to consider that possibility, could it then be possible that the answer to the question that would change life as we know it on our planet — “How is it possible that 6.9 billion people can all claim to want the same thing (peace, security, opportunity, prosperity, happiness and love) and be singularly unable to get it?” — could also be found not within our words, but rather within the sacred and silent gaze of our eyes?
(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
I was born on the last day of the year. So the annual transition of “out with the old and in with the new” feels especially pivotal to me as I reflect with gratitude upon what once was, I look forward with hope and anticipation for what is yet to come, and I explore more deeply the larger reason for my birth. And, yes, I do make some “New Year’s Resolutions”; however, they have nothing to do with resolving to fit into last year’s pair of blue jeans. And while more money flowing into my bank account rather than out of it would bring some much-needed financial relief, I will not be making that my top priority either. Nor will I be committing to get a better job or setting my sights on traveling around the world sampling exotic foods.
Part of the reason why I believe New Year’s Resolutions “fail” is because the purpose for which we enter into such agreements with ourselves has very little to do with the purpose of our lives. I am sharing a letter I wrote to my 18-year-old son, as it captures the essence of how I feel about the arrival of a new year. The gifts I have been given the opportunity to receive and give within the context of my relationship with my son have been some of the most profound and life-changing. And I believe deeply that by allowing the gifts to flow through me to you, they become a gift to us all.
“Dear James,
As night gently falls on 2012 and the promise of a new dawn in 2013 hangs in the air, billions of people around the world will be resolving and committing to make changes in their life, hoping to stick to long-lasting resolutions that will finally deliver to them the things in life we all desire most — abundance, prosperity, better health, joy, security, happiness, and love — believing that this time, this year, their well-intentioned efforts will resemble more than simply a “to do” list for the first week of January.
I wonder if you, too, feel that yearning, if you hear a beckoning to a higher calling, if you desire to make new choices with an eye on shaping and defining not just your experience for a particular year, but with an eye on shaping and defining the entire purpose of your life. Ah, the purpose of life — the question that has perplexed scholars and religious teachers around the world, the question which has led countries into war and tested and stretched the fabric of every relationship we enter into, the question that is most looked at in the final moments of our physical being here on earth:
What is the purpose of my life?
My Beloved Son, I am here to share with you the answer.
I will begin by sharing with you what the purpose of your life is not. As my good friend, Neale, has shared many, many times, the purpose of life has very little to do, if anything, with “getting the girl, getting the car, getting the job, getting the house, getting the spouse, getting the kids, getting the better job, getting the better house, getting the promotion, getting the grandkids, getting the gray hair, getting the office in the corner, getting the retirement watch, getting the illness, getting the burial plot, and getting the hell out.”
And so far, in the 46 years that I have been blessed to have on this earth, this has demonstrated itself to be true – life is not about any of those things. I’ve had most of the things on that list, and some of them more than once. And I am here to tell you that the purpose for my life was not realized or remembered by “getting” or “having” any one of them.
So if life really isn’t about any of those things, then what is it about?
This is what I know to be true:
The purpose of your life is to create the purpose of your life.
When you were a very young child, it mattered not to me whether you played baseball or joined Cub Scouts, whether you went swimming or read a book, or whether you ate pizza or spaghetti. And now, as a young man who is living on his own, it matters not to me which career you choose or what area of the world you reside in, what you have for dinner, how you enjoy your spare time, or what kind of clothes you wear.
Do not confuse “not mattering” with “not loving.” My love for you is without conditions. These choices would only matter to me if somehow the level of my love for you was attached to a particular outcome designed by me or hinged to a misguided idea that somehow you could fail in this Life game.
I want for you what you want for you.
And here is where it gets even better, James:
God wants for us what we want for us.
Society will tell you that in order to “earn” God’s love, you must be a certain way and do certain things. Have you questioned this for yourself? Have you wondered why a God who is “unconditionally loving” would place such conditions upon his love? Have you dared to imagine a different kind of God?
And if God wants for us what we want for us, and the purpose of our lives have nothing to do with what we have or what we get, what will the arrival of a new year mean to you? What will you strive for? What will you draw upon to ascribe meaning to the experiences in your life?
Your life is an opportunity. Within every occurrence, there is an opportunity for you. And within every relationship, you are an opportunity for someone else. Will you see those moments and embrace those gifts, both those that are being given to you and those you have to give? As the world collectively and consciously welcomes the New Year, perhaps the largest number of people purposefully and simultaneously placing positive energy and intention into the world, how could our world not become a better place? Where will you be in that process? And WHO will you be in that process?
What will you decide and what will you declare the purpose of your life to be, my beloved son?”
What will the arrival of a New Year mean to you, my friends? A new car? More money? Fitting in last year’s blue jeans? Or perhaps at last the answer to one of life’s biggest questions: What is the purpose of my life?
(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team atwww.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
I am reading WECCE, and I am in need of such help right now. I am full of anxiety, fear, and loneliness for the first time in my life. During the past 2 months, my best friend moved away, my boyfriend, who I loved dearly, broke things off. Then last week my dog was killed. I know in my heart and soul that I am supposed to be going through these changes, but I’m having such a hard time letting things go. I built my life for two 1/2 years around my boyfriend. I have lived alone in several cities with job transfers, etc. And I LOVE where I am living now, and I thought I had met someone with so many interests. I had some of the best times in my life with this person, but he could not give me the spiritual support and move on to build a future with me. I completely lost and disliked myself. I KNOW of all this, so why is my heart just clinging to everything? Why can’t I feel ANY joy in anything I do or see? I try and try to see the beauty in my home, in nature, in ALL things that brought me such great joy. I just want to let everything go..let go of the pain, let go of the wondering of how I manifested this all. I never imagined I would feel such loneliness – ever.
I know my pain will heal and I will feel (and eat) normally again. I will continue to pray and meditate to love myself more. Here it comes…BUT…loving yourself when you are BY yourself is pretty easy (I think), as I have lived alone quite a bit in my life. The big test comes when you are joined with someone else. I have been emotionally unavailable and feared intimacy ALL my life – hence why I have attracted men that are the same. I want to do everything in my power to change that. How do I know when I’m really ready? And to really know that my subconscious is going to attract someone that will be good for me? Do I trust my feeling? How do I lose the fear? I would appreciate any help….
C.D.
Dear C.D.,
WECCE is about how to embrace Change (another word for God/Evolution), and how to choose how we live in that change. Part of that process involves looking at our current Truth. What version of that truth are we living? Most of us are living in distorted truth. We can, however, move pretty easily to apparent Truth by simply reframing it with no judgment. For instance, “My boyfriend broke things off” could merely be “My boyfriend is not with me anymore. ” “I completely lost and disliked myself” could be “I was not being who I really am in the relationship.” Even “I can’t feel any joy” could be transformed with “I am experiencing a lack of joy right now,” which would easily allow you to experience the lack of joy with Gratitude, because you know it is only what you are feeling right now, not something that has to go on forever…unless you choose to let it go on forever.
For every negative thought, there is the opposite positive one. Look for these opposites, C.D., as you re-train yourself. It takes practice! If you are even reaching out, it means that you are beginning to do just that…practice being good to yourself! Negativity is definitely not good for you or anyone else.
Take a good look, and you will see your post is all about the past! This has nothing to do, ultimately, with now…unless you allow it to be. In reading WECCE, you will have read that this is all past data. This past data came from many sources, all of which thought that they were protecting you in some way…and all of which were subconscious, and controlled by the ego. The ego is the part of you that defines you as human, as an individual human, but, nonetheless, is also the part of us that operates out of fear. This fear is designed to keep us in the familiar and actually stop us from moving into what is truly our better selves. Fear holds us in place in the now, not in the manner of being present, but from the place of looking back and avoiding looking and moving forward.
Life, as they say, begins at the edge of your comfort zone…and your comfort zone is fear. Why do you wish to live your life in fear? It is serving you in some way? Since all we do serves us. Do you get to define yourself as the person who is emotionally unavailable? or the person who is fearful of intimacy? In some way, this has served you, but do you wish it to continue to serve you? Yes, we can choose to love what the past has shown us (in this case you know intimately what fear and unavailable feel like and how you are when you embrace them) and actually choose to be the opposite of that! This is a world of context, of opposites, and if you know one thing, you are now very well able to know the other…if you choose to remember.
I would take the “gut” test when you have a thought. Your tummy will tell you if you are coming from fear or love. Ask yourself why you even feel you have to have someone in your life right now. How does the answer feel? Look in the mirror and look into your eyes and very quietly tell yourself you love you…and keep doing it.
The first time I read in CWG the part about saying out loud, “I love sex or money or…” and then it asked me to say loudly, “I love me!” I found it amazing that I was unable to say that without hesitation. Wow! And I am a pretty self-confident person, so I knew if it was difficult for me, it must be almost impossible for others. I was okay with all of it, but not the unabashed loving of myself!
C.D., not only can you tell yourself you love yourself, I would like to tell you something else…you are love! Just by being here, you have demonstrated that you are love! By writing this note, you have shown you can overcome fear, which is a supreme act of self love. How wonderful is that?
Be gentle with yourself and be proactive…choose! You are choosing Change right now, actively, because passivity has not served you well. Way to go!
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net, which offers spiritual assistance from a team of Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less, and offers insight, suggestions, and companionship during moments of unbidden, unexpected, unwelcome change on the journey of life. She may be contacted at Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
As we transition into the first week of December, the radio stations are also transitioning into their holiday musical line-up and beginning to play Christmas tunes, some stations devoting their entire program exclusively to “sounds of the season” 24 hours a day, seven days a week, all the way up to Christmas Day. So during my early-morning commute today, I was not surprised to hear Elvis Presley crooning “I’ll Have a Blue Christmas Without You” and Jon Bon Jovi belting out “Please Come Home for Christmas” and Mariah Carey sorrowfully singing “I Miss You Most at Christmastime.”
I’ve heard these particular songs hundreds, if not thousands, of times before. But today these three melancholy tunes caught my attention in a new way, one which invited me to think about how many people, myself included, are physically separated from their loved ones not only at Christmas, but for prolonged periods of time, whether that separation is as a result of children growing up and moving on to the next chapter in their lives, or due to a special friendship parting ways, or perhaps a loved one who has left this earthly realm to continue on in their eternal spiritual journey.
These physical separations have the potential to stir up a wealth of emotions and confusion, especially when the way we desire our relationships to be experienced is entirely different than the way in which they are actually physically showing up – or not showing up – in our lives.
But are we as separated from our loved ones as we imagine ourselves to be?
Is there a way to actually experience the presence of those who no longer share a physical proximity with us? Not only at Christmas, but all the time?
If we limit our definition of “relationship” to include only that which we experience in physicality, our answer to that question may cause us to miss a most extraordinary spiritual opportunity.
Have you ever experienced the essence of someone you love without them being physically in the room with you? Have you actually felt the wonder and intimacy of a Beloved Other even in the absence of their physical being beside you? Has a particular aroma or unique sound or distinct taste triggered an opportunity to actually relive, in a palpable way, a moment with somebody who is no longer physically here?
We are provided infinite opportunities to experience our loved ones through the path of our consciousness. For me personally, the smell of roses delivers to me an experience of being a very young child, cuddling on my mother’s lap after she bathed and luxuriated herself in Rose Milk Body Lotion, instantaneously drawing into my consciousness my mother and an opportunity to be with her in a way that transcends physicality. The gentle sound of an acoustic guitar gifts me with an opportunity to linger within the essence of my 18-year-old son and his music, who now resides on the other side of the country. A large percentage of the people in my life with whom I share an intimate or especially meaningful relationship live nowhere near me, yet their presence is significant and certain.
And this is because what we choose to focus on and what we choose to see will determine What we experience and Who we experience and How we experience. Life calls upon us to do and be many different things. And as a result, we may find ourselves physically separated from what we have come to know as our most important and cherished relationships. Yet day after day, year after year, lifetime after lifetime people manage to move through these transitions and changes, most often to experience an even deeper level of love and a more profound level of awareness. And this is because we truly are never separate from each other.
Our relationships never end, as we imagine or perceive they do. The existence or magnitude of a relationship cannot be measured in terms of physical distance or closeness. Relationships simply change the form in which you experience them, and a physical “separation” may be just the thing that allows us to know and experience not only who we are in relation to each other but who we are in relation to our Self.
Perhaps this holiday season will provide you an opportunity to create a new experience, one which celebrates the presence of a loved one in an extraordinary yet familiar way. Maybe the warm embrace of a loved one will be experienced through the surrogacy of a child’s tender hug or seen in a stranger’s smiling eyes or warmly felt through the gentle touch of an unknown passerby.
Maybe, just maybe, you truly are as close as your next thought.
(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team atwww.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
The mere mention of a “man with muscle” conjures up images of a male with rippling abs and bulging biceps. However, I am NOT speaking to the kind of muscle that develops as a result of sweat-filled hours in a gym or the kind of muscle whose size grows and whose form is sculpted against the resistance of heavy dumbbells.
I am talking about a man who is developing his spiritual muscles.
…A man who, rather than gazing into the bathroom mirror, sees All of Life as a reflection of who he is.
…A man who measures his strength not by his physical attributes or material gains, but instead gauges his greatness by his life experiences of compassion, service, and gratitude.
…A man whose purpose in life is not to see how much he can get out of it, but rather to see how much he can place into it.
In a spiritual partnership, brute strength has little value at the end of the day. A Partnership of Souls requires no more than a common desire to experience God. A man who knows Who He Is and Why He is Here and Where He is Going brings into a relationship a level of authenticity and presence that cannot be bought, controlled, coerced, manufactured, strong-armed, fabricated, or misunderstood.
The spiritual muscle of a man is not cultivated through acts of aggression or power. It is not fine-tuned through abusive or dominant behavior. It is not crafted through apathy or indifference. A spiritual muscle’s potency is not fed by its need to be right or its willingness to simply blend in. The magnitude of a man’s soul is not dependent upon bulging biceps or powerful careers or financial wealth.
A man’s spiritual muscle is developed through awareness and intention, through humor and humility, through presence and purpose. A gentle and consistent introspection is the type of exercise the muscles of the soul yearn for and respond to. The female spirit is drawn to empathic energy. Passion between the feminine and masculine is ignited within the light of truth and transparency. And intimacy is fostered and experienced within the realm of vulnerability and emotional nakedness.
Society, unfortunately, has got it all backwards. A cursory glance at some of today’s top headlines demonstrates that. As a result of society having it backwards, the outgrowth is a large percentage of men who are confused into thinking that their masculinity is defined and preserved through their high-ranking positions or their sexual prowess or their exertion of physical or intellectual control over another. This same percentage of “confused” men wind up in relationships with women, equally confused, who are buying into the same illusion and collectively expecting the same return. And at the end of the day, the quest for more…more sex, more physical control, more money, more power…produces the same stark realization: Something is still missing.
Gimme a man who flexes his spiritual muscles regularly, a man who “works out” every day, a man who exercises his greatness, a man whose presence in a room exudes an unmistakable knowing and an unquestionable understanding of Who He Is.
Gimme a man who knows himself as God.
(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
I remember from reading the CWG books that Neale mentions here and there the concepts of building and maintaining a conscious relationship. However, I was wondering whether there is any specific material out there that is solely focused on this topic. Blessings and joy to you…Annalisa
Dear Annalisa…Neale addressed a similar question in our Spiritual Mentoring Program call on Saturday by saying this:
“1. Need nothing. 2. Understand everything. 3. Love all.”
Please allow me to elaborate:
1. In a relationship if we Need nothing specific from the other, we can save ourselves a lot of grief. For example, I have found that with my family, sometimes we are pulled in different directions, each of us having our own agenda, especially around the holidays. Things run much more smoothly for me if I don’t attach myself to any particular plan—if I don’t Need anything in particular to happen—allowing Life to lead me where it will. This appeases everyone, so therefore, I am at peace as well!
2. Entire relationships, indeed, entire lives have been ruined by people who misunderstand the actions of another and hold grudges against them, rather than sitting down, talking things out, and arriving at mutual understanding about why they did what they did. When we Understand the reasons why others do what they do, forgiveness is automatic. Neale calls this “Forgiveness Forgone” because forgiveness is a foregone conclusion when we Understand the reasons people do things we might consider negative.
3. To Love all doesn’t mean “free love” in the 1960s sense, as the hit song from that era, “Love the One You’re With” recommended. Rather, it means, Love everything that shows up. Byron Katie’s book Loving What Is explains this beautifully. Another author, Rick Steves, who is my favorite travel writer, says, “If something isn’t to your liking, change your liking.” This is a very profound statement that takes on a much deeper meaning than simply what to do while traveling. If we learn to love Life exactly as it is showing up—if we can see the perfection in all of Life—then we live the path of least resistance. This is not to say we are not at choice in every moment. We are, and we’re always invited by Life to Choose Again… to re-create ourselves anew in the next grandest version of the greatest vision ever we held about Who We Are. Yet, to do this while living a life resisting nothing is to walk the path of the great Masters.
(Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com.
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
Financial uncertainty can create some real challenges in relationships. Unpaid bills stacking up on the kitchen counter, an almost-empty gas tank in your automobile, looming medical expenses, kids in college, rising insurance premiums, maxed-out credit cards, all paralleled with shrinking paychecks or maybe even the threat of losing a job are situations that many, many couples are up against and struggling with. These issues, demanding center-stage attention for couples finding themselves at the end of their financial ropes, are often significant contributing factors leading to the demise of even the most loving relationships.
Modern conveniences, tantalizing advertising campaigns, and overly commercialized holidays cater to and feed our fragile ego’s desire to have more, do more, have it faster, do it faster. Attempts to keep up with the seductive and frenzied pace of “more, more, more” draw us further away from the essence of our own innate abundance, misleading us into believing that the true measurement of “wealth” in our relationships, or lack thereof, is directly correlated to the way in which we measure financial wealth.
Contrary to what we are being asked to embrace by society, could a shoestring budget and a dwindling bank account be just the thing that reconnects us with an experience of inner wealth, unconditional love, and deeply fulfilling partnerships? Could the experience of having nothing remind us that we already have everything?
A partnership is much more than the physical cohabitation of two individuals. It is more than the wedding and the house and the kids and the careers, and is most certainly more than the unpaid bills. A partnership is a Union of Souls on a Spiritual Journey. Refocusing our attention on the larger purpose of our relationships and the ultimate outcome for All of Life helps us to measure how tightly we hold the day-to-day happenings in our life and how meaningful they are to us.
When waves of panic, worry, and obsession dominate our thoughts, we lose sight of the experience for which our Souls yearn. Sure, we still experience something. We are in a constant state of experiencing ourselves in relation to every encounter in life. But when the question becomes “Why is this experience creating conflict and tension, rather than joy and happiness, in my relationship?” we may want to ask the next important question: “How can I CHANGE that?”
Everything we experience in life — the perceived lows, the perceived highs, what we label “good,” what we label “bad,” those events that appear to propel us forward, and those events that appear to hold us back — are simply touchstones for us to choose in relation to. Each experience weighs in somewhere on the “scale of life,” teetering in one direction or another, depending upon what we choose. Perhaps today we will choose a long walk in nature, holding hands with our Loved One, engaging in heartfelt conversation. Perhaps tonight, instead of eating at a restaurant, we will prepare a wonderful homemade meal together. Perhaps this evening we will dance underneath the moonlight to our favorite soulful music. Perhaps we will gift each other with a sensual massage and surrender to a lingering night of making love. Perhaps in the evenings, after a long day at work, we will greet our Beloved at the door with a warm and loving embrace and each morning awaken them with a tender kiss.
If we choose to experience this level of Soul connection, in spite of the unpaid bills stacking up on the kitchen counter, an almost-empty gas tank in the automobile, looming medical expenses, kids in college, rising insurance premiums, maxed-out credit cards, all paralleled with shrinking paychecks or maybe even the threat of losing a job, then we will have truly experienced what it means to be rich beyond our wildest dreams.
(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
On Tuesday, November 6, 2012, President Barack Obama was re-elected to serve four more years as President of the United States of America. This particular result may be cause for celebration for some and perhaps feel disheartening for others, depending on where you personally stand in this year’s heated election. It is not unusual for clashing belief systems and opposing views to quickly turn an election into an experience of conflict and discord, even among those who most often are agreeable. But no matter who the perceived “winner” of this presidential race is, let us not lose sight of Who We Really Are.
There IS something much bigger going on here.
Many people hold a belief that politics and spirituality do not mix, that they are opposing energies. However, the freedoms and liberties we enjoy in this country provide us the perfect opportunity to flex our spiritual and intellectual muscles and to demonstrate and experience individually and collectively why we are here. Because while our Ultimate outcomes are guaranteed, we do have the ability – the gift – to choose how we desire our human experience to be, where we want our human experience to go, and, of course, who we desire to be in relation to ALL of it.
Therefore, the most important “win” of all is the one in which we use an experience like this, the election process, as a catalyst to unite and connect, not to divide and segregate. Even if in this year’s election there was an absence of a candidate that embodied ALL of the concepts and ideas and visions that are important to you, continue to lean your energy in the direction of what you would like to see our world evolve into and watch that consciousness create and give birth to that future leader. That is spirituality in action!
The most important win of all is the one that facilitates an experience of Oneness, not division; the one which holds our relationships with each other as Holy, not negligible; the one which uses our differences and diversities as a context within which to experience our Highest Self, both as aspects of Who We Are and Who We Are Not in this never-ending process of experiencing, expressing, demonstrating, and remembering.
It is not possible to lose in this Life Game…so who will you choose to BE in relation to what it is presenting you now?
(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
To Amanda, the “enemy” describes her devoted and loving husband of 25 years, Phil, a staunch republican.
To Phil, the “enemy” describes his beloved wife and life companion, Amanda, a proud democrat.
Phil and Amanda are partners in a relationship where a large portion of the principles and ideologies they believe in and subscribe to are starkly different. When I first heard about this particular couple, my first-blush reaction was one of disbelief. How could a vibrant long-term partnership not only exist or merely get by but actually thrive within a framework constructed upon so many contrasting points of view? Which led me to the follow-up question: How important are mirroring core beliefs to the vitality of a relationship?
Can a romantic partnership bridge the obvious gap between hot-button topics like pro choice/pro life, gay marriage, death penalty issues, and taxes?
And putting aside for a moment whether it “can”…must it?
A belief that a partner must share and embrace parallel understandings about most, if not all, of life’s day-to-day happenings could be the very thing that is blocking an experience of our highest potential and greatest remembrance. As we long for and seek to find relationships that support our already-adopted set of beliefs and firmly placed perspectives, perhaps we are overlooking the possibilities held within a relationship of distinction, one whose promise is to provide the highest and grandest opportunity for self-creation. Conversations with God, Book 1, teachings say, “If the world existed in perfect condition, your life process of Self creation would be terminated. It would end.”
Couldn’t the same be true within the context of our intimate relationships?
Differences within relationships present opportunities to experience oneness without the requirement of sameness. Whether our partners are interested discussing the most-recent debate between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney or having a conversation around last night’s yoga class or perhaps the day’s events at the office, a partnership will continually invite you to create a space and be present in the same way each and every time: fully, mindfully, openly, and lovingly. Not because the particular subject matters – politics, gardening, yoga, football, knitting, book club – but because the person with whom you share your journey, your beloved other, the mate of your soul, does matter.
Therefore, it is not important that we agree, but rather that we resist the temptation to be “right,” consciously inviting the full expression of life into our realm of possibilities. And as life has demonstrated to us again and again and again, we are most often provided some of our grandest opportunities within the disguise of that which we resist.
In the upcoming 2012 election, Phil will vote for Mitt Romney and Amanda will vote for Barack Obama. And they will thereafter continue on in their sacred journey, a partnership of their souls, expanding in the appreciation of their diversity and operating out of their deeply held belief that the essence of love is freedom.
And THAT is a concept that has my vote!
(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
