therese wilson
Dear Therese,
Georgia here again. So what about the current state of affairs in this world? It is obvious, to me at least, that we are being lied to by so many that we have trusted to tell us the truth.
Take, for example, our weather patterns these days. Cloud formations that used to be rare are common place now. There is increasing evidence that the clouds are being chemically created. This brings us to two points. Barium and aluminum are being dropped on us something like 5000 times the norm. Just like gmo food, they are using us as guinea pigs to see the side effects. AND they are using the force of nature to the advantage of big business and government. I think they are purposely using these things to keep us scared and controlled. They are not using these things for the “good”. I think you would think long and hard about the effects of these chemicals if one of your kids was messed up in the head and the other other one couldn’t breathe bc of possibly being those guinea pigs.
We have the capability to manipulate something as big as the weather and it would be awesome. But now is no time to lay down and volunteer but a time to demand that we have a right to know what is being dumped on us. Because we lay down and take it, we are condoning to the “elites” that humanity has no value.
How are we to think of these things as spiritual opportunities??
Georgia
Wow! Georgia, I like that you are asking these questions! Putting the everyday reality into a spiritual perspective is sometimes very hard…almost impossible sometimes. Okay, I’ll give a spiritual explanation and some perspective on these things a shot here.
My thoughts: man can do just about anything. We can create and engineer even human life. Many think this to be a sin. Only God’s territory. As you know, I think we are all “gods”. (As CWG puts it, individuations of Divinity.) Engineering life, or engineering clouds, it isn’t about doing these things, but for what purpose they are being done. This, then, becomes a matter of individual and collective choice. Do I have a problem with engineered clouds being used to create water in a drought area? Or to recapture wasted water to refill the aquifers? No. Do I have a problem using them to cause destruction to profit big business and control the people? You betcha. So, personal and collective awareness is, as usual, the key (opportunity) to changing how we use our power…and that changes as we begin to view humanity as One. Realizing the butterfly effect is real. In Christian terms…what you do to the least of my brothers, you do unto me.
I would also urge you to keep open the possibility that at least some of these cloud/weather changes may be circumstantial, as opposed to insidious. Be very careful to avoid being sucked into the story of the way things are, and stay as much as possible in observing the facts (as you know them) of what you see.
Which actually takes me to the esoteric question of “why not”? If this life is but a continuation of life, and we really, as CWG states, have no life to lose, why not consciously agree to be the guinea pig to further the course of humanity? Why not volunteer?
Ahhh, there’s the key! We are NOT volunteering right now! But what if we were, for real, given that choice? Might that not change some things? Might life look more like an opportunity than it does now? What if we were told up front that there was going to be a section of this planet used to experiment on long term human effects?
Older people might volunteer to live in “chem zones” to give their children’s children a better life. Especially since much of the world is starving due to lack of rain for crops. We are sacrificing ourselves for far less noble things already.
Don’t mistake, please, that I think it is okay to be doing what they are doing, in the way they are currently doing things. Transparency…choice…is the key.
There is abundant room for changing how we look at life…and that’s exactly what this site is all about!
One more thought… An unfortunate statement about humankind is that sometimes the masses are so meek and compliant that it takes a “madman” to step out of the box…a person (or group of persons) who dares to even think something is possible! Now we sane, but outside the box thinkers, Spiritual thinkers, have (the opportunity) to either keep the madmen in check, show the madmen a better way (who he/she really is) or empower the masses. Or at least begin to en-mass allow the sane, outside the box thinkers/doers to not be reviled. Currently people are afraid of being relegated to the fringe of their families/societies/religion if they don’t stay inside those boxes. Portrayed as unpatriotic, heretics, crazy and or conspiracists. Make sure to look at your own views of others, and not disempower.
Georgia, in our search for a better way of living, we do have to be very alert to not falling into yet another power grab agenda masked in altruism. (Opportunities to Be discerning, careful, vigilant?) We must be careful of anyone who wants us to be fearful vs merely aware. I get the feeling that there are many agendas in play here, and many are proclaiming themselves to be the one and only “right” one. All of which means, to me, that we have to be “cafeteria Catholics” and pick what works from each, and figure out what is truly for the greater good…and create our world consciously from this point forward. Knowing that what works now most likely won’t entirely work, oh, two thousand years from now! We must now work the idea of change into our long term thoughts. The opportunity to create our own agenda…not all agendas are self serving and malevolent. We can include the thoughts of others and other ways.
On the subject of religion, and government, it is encouraging to see even the Pope and Rev. Pat Robertson changing their minds about homosexuality on even a minor level. The United States has made major attitude and legal changes in this area. This may seem off topic, Georgia, but it is all wrapped up in control…the ultimate control…of sexuality, and specifically the feminine energy….feminine energy and attempts to suppress it. Just look at television commercials geared for girls and toys for them. Absolutely ridiculous that still, in 2013, all the girl toys are make-up, hair playing with dolls, dolls to teach them how to be a mommy, brat dolls that are nothing but materialistic, fashion creating websites, jewelry making, hair extensions and color. Whereas the boys toys are geared around imagination and engineering!! We are “Madison Avenue-ed” into our roles from an early age. Warriors that are used to protect money and the status quo are called heroes and idolized. A woman who questions that status quo is a B word or worse…never spiritual, intuitive, peace-maker. The divine feminine is Mother, but not in the way it is currently portrayed. These times are giving us, I believe, our opportunity to create balance.
Georgia, the bottom line of what I am saying is that we do have control. We have control of how we think and feel about this world we live in. We can fall into the chaotic energies swirling about, or we can keep the perspective that we are the butterfly that can effect our world. We can become a conscious part of the collective, and influence that collective. We are being given many opportunities to choose how change happens. I believe we, as individuals, through our thoughts and actions, can not help but influence the direction of humanity.
Rudyard Kipling said it perfectly. (I know, I know, this post is getting really long, but I think it is an important topic!)
If—
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website atwww.ChangingChange.net . She may be contacted at: Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: ChangingChange.net offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
Dear Therese,
My 85-year-old grandmother lives on her own and is in good health for her age, but with the heat of the summer upon us, I am worried for her. She just barely makes it by on her SS check, and can’t afford air-conditioning. I’m not in a position financially to take on her electric bill if she turned on the AC. I am married and have two children. I really like what Neale says about helping others, but what am I supposed to do?
Geena in TX
Dear Geena,
Let me begin with the practical things to do, that you may have already thought of….
I see you are in Texas, and I just moved from Houston, so I know that the power company has a program that encourages people to pay at least $1 extra to help seniors who cannot afford air-conditioning. Perhaps such a program exists in your area and you can help your mother apply for it? I also read that there is a federal program for such assistance.
( Paraphrased from an article called “The Savvy Senior,” by Jim Miller)
Next, make sure you are aware of the things, other than the actual heat, that contribute to the risk of heat-related illnesses, such as medications (diuretics, high blood pressure meds that can cause dehydration), being overweight, underlying illnesses like diabetes, certain heart issues, and trouble walking around.
Make yourself aware of how to prevent heat exhaustion. Don’t wear tight clothing. Hydrate, and avoid alcohol and caffeine. Take frequent cool showers, apply cool water and ice packs to your skin. Avoid sun exposure, and drink water even when you do not feel thirsty!
Spend time in public places, and check to see if your area has a local health department air-conditioned shelter.
Okay, that is the practical. How about the spiritual in all of this?
As you alluded to, CWG says that our purpose in life is to serve others. We must be sure of who we are, and fill ourselves, of course, but we do this so that we may serve others well.
With that in mind, have you and your husband considered asking your mother to live with you? Assuming this is possible. Even if you have limited space, many cultures share bedrooms. Grandchild and grandparent, for example. If not full-time move in, how about on particularly hot days or months? You have 2 children, and many believe (as does CWG) that by taking advantage of the wisdom of the elders, it lessens the burden on the parents, gives the children a much larger view of life, and gives the elders a purpose. In short, it models “we are all One” in a very real, close to home, way. In fact, it is the perfect way to change the current paradigm of separateness that permeates our western cultures these days. We can’t usually share what we believe with the whole world, but we can show our own children that there is a different way!
You would be serving your mother by doing any of the things mentioned above, but perhaps you might want to take the last step, too? Your mother’s pride might get in the way of her accepting the offer initially, but, if it is something you are willing to do, be sure to keep the offer open. Maybe even have a trial period. If she does move in, be open to change and new ways of doing things. This kind of situation does present challenges, but it also gives abundant opportunity for deciding who you really are…and acting on that decision.
Geena, you may find that your mother’s apparent helplessness is her greatest gift to you, to your children, and to the world.
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net . She may be contacted at: Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: ChangingChange.net offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
Dear Therese,
Been reading some of your advice columns. I think your advice is so thought out and great. One question in particular I resonated with was the man asking where our leaders are and who do we follow. I really feel that is the question of my generation (30’s) and younger. I agree with you 100%, but I just want to add a little. Your generation had real news (for the most part). It was opinionated and honest reporting, such as the hippie movement, Vietnam, and Martin Luther King, Jr. My generation comes from filtered, agenda oriented, media. If there is an icon to follow, look to, (such as the way many opinions were changed with MLK), our media makes them look like lunatics. That is, if they even choose to do a story on them. If today was 1960, Neale would be main stream news with his new way of thinking. Hell no, you Google him today and he’s made to look like a crazy for saying God spoke to him. And that’s my point, anything to do with God is not news. The only news about Christians is about things like Westboro Baptist and how God hates fags (their word). Why? Because the news is that people who believe in God are insane. People who don’t believe in abortion are out of touch. My point here is that people like Neale don’t get face time anymore. I could go on here but my point is younger generations are lost.
Also, its about finding the pure courage and sacrifice for speaking up and finding a graceful way of demanding a better way. We are taught that the only heros are fiction. Anyway, the word “peace” and its meaning, and how to achieve it in ourselves and others around, is completely mutilated and twisted.
I also want to give you an example how what was taught to me, mainly through media, was so contorted and wrong. Woman’s right to choose. This act is to be empowering, it’s my body, I can choose to abort. Because I believed what I saw on TV, media, hidden messages in TV shows etc. I felt I was empowering myself as a woman to abort. Knowing what I know now, no, I was manipulated into this thinking and I chose wrong. I’m not empowered, neither man nor woman has a right to choose this. Life can not be debated. A life is a life, period. If someone buys a gun, points it and kills someone, there is no debate, there is no empowerment. The man who held the gun and killed goes to prison. Why in the world have we bought into it’s ok to abort?? Let me be more clear, why have we accepted it’s a woman’s right to kill a baby?? A woman who’s not in her right mind drowns her children in a tub is demonized for the rest of her life for doing so. But it’s ok to rip a 6 month old fetus (in some states) out of the womb and break its neck and dispose of it??? It’s OK because the person doing it is a doctor?? And to think our country ALLOWS a person to choose killing babies on a daily basis as a PROFESSION??!! How twisted and numb we are toward life! My point is, I don’t feel empowered for exercising my right to choose, I feel like a killer and every woman who thinks twice about the decision will one day feel the same on some level. Or perhaps they won’t because they have chosen to bury the burden.
I chose to share my insight about this to show you how I didn’t think twice because of what was fed to me. Just think of how manipulated younger generations are now because its taught more and more there is no God, only government.
Georgia, in PA
Dear Georgia,
I left your letter pretty intact, because I believe these are important issues you raise. I will not use this column to give any advice as to whether or not a woman should choose to have an abortion, but will address what I believe to be larger issues surrounding the specific issue, that may help you with the guilt you feel surrounding your decision to abort. So…
If you believe in God, you have to define what kind of God you believe in.
I believe in a God who does not judge me or condemn me for things that I did when I did not have a fully formed opinion of God and Life. Sweet lady, I don’t believe God would have any desire for you to have a moment of guilt beyond the point where it served you to think about something and form your own feelings about things. Guilt harms our mind and our bodies, and God has no need for anything that harms us. Her only desire is for our happiness.
I also believe, if one believes in God, that no life, no matter how short, is without purpose. I believe that even the aborted fetus (child), chose to have that experience. You see, just as the life of a brother murdered in a drive-by shooting, or a beloved grandparent dying, causes us to reflect on the meaning of that person in our lives, so, too, does the life of that unborn child.
My reflection on abortion has gotten me to the point where I don’t believe it is a matter of whether or not we have taken a life…because I don’t believe that life ever ends, and is, rather, something we will do again and again. My reflection has me at the same point you are…why do we even think that this child isn’t Life? Why do we value life, in general, so little? Or is it something more? Are we beginning to value ourselves, as women in particular, once again? Inappropriately, to be sure, but just as the abused becomes the abuser, couldn’t it be that women, given choices now, don’t know how to make those choices very well sometimes?
Or is the choice of abortion, and the purpose of those children, greater than even that? Is it so much about the child/mother, as it is about culture (government/big business/media…are they really separate?), and religion that got us to the point of even thinking that there is a need for this choice?
Let’s back up to before the point of making the decision to abort. What would have to change in a woman’s life to change this decision?
I believe what would have to change is that no woman, married or not, would ever be reviled, or thought to be sinful or wrong in their choice to carry a child to full term. Nor would she be made wrong for choosing to give that child up for adoption. I believe that when every woman knows that they will not be thrown into poverty because they have a child, or be given, essentially, second class citizenship, they will have those children. And if abortion is to be something that no one ever chooses, then we must believe, as I mentioned earlier, that we lose nothing when we die…so dying in the act of birthing would not be considered anything but a natural continuation of life…of the mother’s and the child’s.
I, with all of my heart, believe what CWG says regarding “right’ and “wrong”. There is no right and wrong, only what works and doesn’t work. Abortion IS working to get the conversation going…but it is NOT working as something we should choose once we have our moment of enlightenment on the topic, individually, then, hopefully, collectively.
These changes in our world can happen. I believe that there are so many abortions now, because these little unborn souls are choosing to get this dialog going. I think that extremists (political, religious) , are currently monopolizing this conversation, turning it into a distorted dialog…that is tied up in the larger agenda of money/control, and until the dialog turns to how we think about ourselves, in relation to one another and to Divinity, it will continue to be a point that will never be universally resolved. The issue of abortion, for me, is also representative of how we are re-thinking the killing another human being…period. If it is not okay to end the life of an unborn child, how is it okay to end the life of a “born” child…through war? via the death penalty? We are having to ask ourselves why is the temporal deemed so valuable as to justify offering up human lives to possess?
However, it is people like you and I, who will, ultimately, effect this change. As I said in the column you referred to, I believe that WE are the leaders who will change the world, and we have to stop waiting for others to change it for us! Change ourselves, change the person next to us, change the whole darn world! (Shades of Mother Teresa and Ghandi!)
Georgia, this is a very timely topic, and one with which many struggle, especially those who have had an abortion. I thank you SO much for your input about this. My thoughts about abortion have been floating around for about a month, and now I know why! Thank you for giving me the opportunity to express them. You might also consider that without your experience with abortion, this column might not have been written, and others would not know your thoughts…and your thoughts could be part of the shift in this world we seek.
Oh, one last thing…I agree that today’s news is very skewed and full of agenda, but that might just be a good thing, because it is, at least, very transparent now. We definitely know who is the liberal and who is the conservative etc. My generation (baby boomer), had very censored news in its own way. Neale might have gotten more “face time”, but I doubt he would have been accepted. (But I get what you are saying…take the more transparency and lay it over today) The point of any of the generations is that we must think for ourselves, and the best way to “think” for ourselves, is to feel what any input does to our bodies. “Truth” and “Lie” feel very different in our bodies, but we have been taught to ignore our body for a very long time…way before your generation or mine. Now is the time to teach our own children something different, don’t you think?
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net . She may be contacted at: Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: ChangingChange.net offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
Dear Therese,
I had dreams and plans that had to be put on hold because of family circumstances. I made promises that I sincerely wish to keep, but I, none the less, find my mind wandering to those dreams and plans more and more. I don’t want to back out on my promises to others, but I would really like the opportunity to follow my dreams. What can I do?
Darla in Fargo, ND
Polonius:
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Hamlet Act 1, scene 3, 78-82
Dear Darla,
In CWG terms, betrayal of yourself, so as not to betray another, is the greatest betrayal of all.
Why? Because there is no other. When you betray yourself, your giving is tinged with the energy of betrayal in all you do. You serve no one as well as you think you are serving them. In some way the people to whom you made the promises know that you are giving from your lack and not your fullness…and that means they know that at least some piece of you is far away from them.
It has been my experience that when I finally let go of the notion that I am the only one that can do something, or that I only have one way of fulfilling my promises, those promises have a way of still being kept! One way of importance is that I enable others to step in and take the burden off, enabling them to demonstrate their greatness.
When we think that we are the only ones who can do something, or that there is only one way of having dreams fulfilled, we get frustrated. We move into expectation instead of preference, which is so very limiting…and why do we keep limiting a limitless Universe?
Perhaps you could give a thought to fulfilling your dreams where you are? Have you looked at the possibility of combining old and new dreams? Maybe you can include the people to whom you made promises in your dreams? Maybe they are ready for an adventure? Consider, also, that you are where you are for a reason, if only for now. What are you being called to look at?
Of equal importance in this process is this: Once you have decided it is time to be true to yourself, you must also tell the truth to yourself. Admit all of the negative as well as the positive emotions surrounding this. You may find that there is something entirely different than you think driving your feelings. When you tell the truth to yourself, Darla, then, when you talk of changes to the others you wish not to betray, they will know they are hearing the truth. This does not mean that they will react in a positive way necessarily, but it does mean that they will know, if only on their soul level (only??), that you are being true to yourself, and by extension, them.
Finally, be Grateful for it all.
Gratitude for all that is, is the engine that drives what is to come. Yes, difficult sometimes, but can’t we all look back at our lives and see how something that seemed “not good” at the time, turned out to have one heck of a silver lining? Look for that silver lining right now. If you can not see it, know that it does exist!
I know that’s a lot to take in, Darla, so take things as slowly as you wish right now, and when/if the time is right to make a change trust yourself. It may be kind of scary, but know that it is also an adventure, and an opportunity to experience Life as fully as you can!
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net . She may be contacted at: Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: ChangingChange.net offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
Dear Therese,
I am at the time of my life where I realize I have far fewer years behind me than ahead of me, and I have to admit I am afraid of death. I have always been afraid of death. Even when I was young, and practicing my religion I never thought death was anything except just stopping. I would like to believe something else, but right now I just believe death is forever nothingness, and I think about it a lot.
Nancy in St. Paul
Dear Nancy,
Increasingly there is evidence that there is life after death, due to things like near death experiences, but it is still very contradictory at best. Some think it concrete evidence, some think it evidence of what our bodies do when under certain conditions and stresses. I happen to think it is not strictly chemical.
Getting to the very basics of science, energy can never go away, it can only change form, right? Which means, if nothing else, we will continue on for sure, even if not in the form we are experiencing right now. Not very comforting, though, is it?
I also happen to resonate with things in the CWG world…go figure! In “Home With God, in a life that never ends” Neale Donald Walsch talks with God about death. One of the things that seems most true, given the anecdotal evidence mentioned above, is that what we believe about death is what we will experience after we die. If we believe in hell, or, in your case, nothingness, that is exactly what we will experience…until we decide we have finished this particular human experience all the way to its completion, and are ready to meet up with the All (God, if you will), and choose again. We can choose to do the same life again, or we can choose one of the infinite possibilities that exist called “The Life of Nancy.” Or we could stay with Creator, but that isn’t likely, because the urge to experience what we know would be very alluring.
Part of what I hear you saying, though, Nancy, is that you have a particular attachment to this body, and this mind. What if I were to tell you that it is also suggested in “The Only Thing That Matters,” by Neale, that we change form for a bit, but that we ultimately reunite with this same mind/body/soul that we now are? Our form changes energy, much like snowflake to rain to ice to vapor and back to snow. It is all the same thing, but different forms, and we will resume our form as well. For me this is comforting, and explains a lot of my feelings of been-there done-that!
Of course, as is glibly said, there’s no getting away from the fact that we are going to die, but that does not mean that we have to dwell in the fear of it either. Ultimately it is just another change in a life that is nothing but change…each change can be called a little death, and, if you are like me, you can also look back and see that each “little death” opened up the pathway for something else. I think it is pretty cool to sit and imagine what that “something else” will be after the change called my physical death!
Nancy, I hope that you can imagine that, too, and choose to live this life consciously and with joy, and not waste it through living fearfully…although, you will get the chance to do it again if you’d like!
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net, which offers spiritual assistance from a team of Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less, and offers insight, suggestions, and companionship during moments of unbidden, unexpected, unwelcome change on the journey of life. She may be contacted at Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
Dear Therese,
I am a young stay at home mother of two, happily married, and I am a fairly spiritual person. My life is really good, but I still feel kind of depressed. I read CWG saying that my life isn’t about me, it’s about others, so I give all I can to my children, my husband and I do volunteer work. I think I need some “me” time, but I feel guilty because that might take away from my giving to others. What am I missing? Aren’t I supposed to feel better because I am giving?
Ann in Missouri
Dear Ann,
Yes! You are supposed to feel better, but it isn’t your fault that you don’t. Cultural influences around the world tell us that women are not supposed to be selfish, that they are not equal to men, that they should be ashamed, and that time for themselves is time they should be using to give. They have it backwards.
Ann, you are one of the “others” that you can give to. You are certainly an “other” to those who know you. Are you trying to do all of this alone, or are you reaching out and taking help when it is offered? I know that I thought I had to be strong and independent…but it only isolated me. It is not weakness to ask for help. If it is okay to give to others, it is also okay to give to yourself.
Let me expand on that. If you do not fill yourself up, do you realize that you are not really giving as well as you think you are? When you are running on fumes, even if you are giving all that you are capable of giving, the person to whom you are giving still knows they are not being given the very best you can give. They may not know why something doesn’t feel right and true, but they know it, and don’t accept your efforts in the way you think they should…which means your effort was inefficient at best. We do no one full justice when we do not give ourselves full justice. When we are insufficiently full, we give insufficiently.
It is not selfish to have “me” time, if the intent of that time is to make yourself whole, so that you may give of yourself well. That is the mistake we make in our cultures.
selfish |ˈselfi sh |
adjective
(of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure.
Sweetie, you do not fit the description of “selfish”. You do fit the description of tired, and needing to fill yourself.
Taking “me” time can take many forms. The first form I would suggest is simply using the word “no” more often. If you are like me, the kids will invariably come into the bathroom whenever you are there…close the door! I even wrote a poem once called, “The Temple That is my Bathroom”! quiet, personal time, consciously taken, does not need a special space. Take a bubble bath, or long hot shower, and shave those legs or use that loofah for more than 10 seconds…consciously enjoying the delicious time taken just for you. Meditate…there are many ways of meditating that don’t require you to sit for an hour, including simply being aware of your breath, or stopping for a moment and noticing who you are with respect to your surroundings.
There are grander things, of course, like taking a short vacation by yourself, or with your spouse to get reacquainted, going to two movies in the same day, auditioning for a play (not volunteering, unless it allows you to move into an area of joy you don’t usually get to experience), or sending the kids off to grandmother’s for a week. Consider going on a retreat.
“Me” time is essential…and you should also thank your depression for helping you to be aware of what is not working for you. Depression gets a bad rap in this world. Yes, there are people who are clinically depressed, and that is a very different thing, but most of us are called by depression to do something very simple…to stop…and listen to our bodies and our spirit, and recognize what is not working. Pay attention to it. It could also be a sign that you are not eating well, BTW, so remember that you are a mind/BODY/spirit being.
So, sweet Ann, be selfish. You just might find your full magnificence if you are!
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net, which offers spiritual assistance from a team of Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less, and offers insight, suggestions, and companionship during moments of unbidden, unexpected, unwelcome change on the journey of life. She may be contacted at Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
Dear Therese,
Recently someone I know sent me a really nasty e-mail out of the blue. I admit I don’t know this person well, but it still came as quite a shock and surprised me at how much I am upset by this. Should I write back? If I do, what should I say?
Surprised
Dear Surprised,
I don’t think it is going to come as any surprise that I am going to ask you to look at yourself in this situation. Not because I think you have done anything to cause this particular situation, mind you, but to simply ask yourself what in this situation is your moment of growth. Is this type of thing a usual trigger? Does someone being upset with you usually cause you to be unusually effected? Why do you worry so because this person was “mean” to you? I am sure you can come up with others to ask yourself!
I ask these questions because what you are experiencing is actually quite normal. What isn’t normal these days is to stop and understand that it doesn’t matter what anyone else says, it matters how you accept what they say, and how you choose to feel and be in the aftermath of the words. The children’s nursery rhyme had it right…sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never harm me!
I heard a little story (paraphrasing here, of course) that tells of the Buddha teaching the wife of a wealthy man. Her husband noticed that his wife had changed, and he did not like the change, so he found the Buddha and approached him in anger. The Buddha simply held up his hand and said, “I do not accept your gift of anger. Accept, instead, my gift of love.” And walked away, leaving the man standing silent, not knowing what to say.
“Start telling the truth now and never stop. Begin by telling the truth to yourself about yourself. Then tell the truth to yourself about someone else. Then tell the truth about yourself to another. Then tell the truth about another to that other. Finally, tell the truth to everyone about everything. These are the 5 levels of truth telling. This is the five-fold path to freedom.” ~Neale Donald Walsch
Surprised, what would happen if you gave a response that told her, even though gently, how you felt when she used those hurtful words? Not what you thought about them, but how you felt. Would that harm, or example how to appropriately communicate? I would suggest you respond with your gift of love.
I don’t know if you will see an instant change in the situation, although you may, but I do know that responding to her from the space of anger will not change anything. Share the truth about your feelings, expecting nothing but the ability to share as your reward for doing so. Plant the seed of example. Then let the universe handle how and when it will grow.
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net, which offers spiritual assistance from a team of Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less, and offers insight, suggestions, and companionship during moments of unbidden, unexpected, unwelcome change on the journey of life. She may be contacted at Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
Today I am going to share “advice” I realized I had to give to myself.
I recently had minor knee surgery. Minor in and of itself, but the third time on this particular knee, and placing my sweet knee dangerously close to bone on bone. My doctor has cautioned that I must remember that my knee is no longer normal. My physical therapist also advised me to not always walk on the level ground of sidewalks, but to walk on the grass to strengthen the muscles all around the knee better.
So…yesterday I walked around the little lake in our neighborhood. On the area with the most dramatic slope. With the weak knee on the upside of the slope, making it do the power work. And today…I can barely walk! If I move, it feels better, but when I sit for awhile it gets weak again. Sheesh.
I was so proud of myself for how good I was at getting to the point where it didn’t hurt so soon after surgery! But now I realize I was just doing enough…enough to get by, but not enough to challenge and really strengthen the knee.
Then, as I am wont to do, I began to ask myself some questions. Is my body, which is the connection between my soul and my mind, asking me to look at something? Way too quickly came my answer…of course, silly! Is it possible you’ve been taking the easy, level path spiritually? Ummm…I don’t wish to answer that, thank you very much! Have you been letting your fears settle into your body again? Are you moving too fast, or too slow, or even both? OUCH! literally ouch! Could be! Is it time to take the uneven path, and change your mind about some things? Dang it! Stop asking me questions! And, just for the record, self, the answer is…yes!
Dearest Therese, yes, your body is speaking to you, especially if you think it is speaking to you. Be kind to yourself, don’t judge and compare yourself…not even to yourself. Where you are, is where you must be to see where you are going. Give the understanding you give to others, to yourself…you will then be able to share that understanding more wonderfully.
Therese, walk the uneven ground, even though it be fearful and confusing, and brings things into your life you do not understand right now. The uneven ground will strengthen your body…and it will strengthen your spirit. CWG, in “The Only Thing That Matters” says that each time you think you are “there”, you will be given the opportunity to move into an even higher expression of “there”. Don’t make the mistake of thinking this means you are moving backward. It just means, if you are lucky, if you are open and brave, you will always be new at something all of your life!
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net, which offers spiritual assistance from a team of Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less, and offers insight, suggestions, and companionship during moments of unbidden, unexpected, unwelcome change on the journey of life. She may be contacted at Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
Hi, I take your offer and have a question for you:
Since I work hard on me to except everything in my life and I am way more relaxed with whatever life throws at me… the downside is that I don’t have much motivation to achieve things, cause things doesn’t annoy me anymore so there is not much need to do something about it. But I work way under my qualification (I am a social worker and work as a support worker), and I know that I have the skills to do much more, to change things, to make a real difference, but I simply can’t be bothered. That would be okay if I would be happy like this, but I am not and want to live my whole potential. I am stuck in between… have no drive to change things since that is the only thing bothering me….
Does this make sense?
many thanks,
Verena
Yes, Verena, it makes perfect sense. I think the confusion comes in thinking that because you believe life is happening perfectly, you no longer have a reason, or right, to try and change what is happening in your life. I believe that just the opposite is true. Accepting all that is happening does not mean that change can’t or shouldn’t happen. It means that you are no longer giving your energy to the past, and can now give that energy to what is in front of you, that you might be able to change.
You see, once you know everything is perfect, the natural thing is to wish that understanding for everyone. When you see those who are doing harm to themselves, or to you, you should do what you can to move them into an understanding that this is not working for them. Being a social worker puts you right in the middle of doing just that! You can be relaxed and motivated to help at the same time.
Perhaps you are not letting the proper thing motivate you, Verena. Is money your motivator? Or acclaim for what you do? Or is helping others your motivator? As a social worker, I think you just might understand that this life is, ultimately, not about you. Yes, you must take care of yourself and be kind to yourself, and doing that is not being selfish. If you are spiritually healthy, then you are in a better position to give of yourself fully. And when you give of yourself fully, you can give others back to themselves more fully.
The Christian Bible says to be in this world, but not of this world. To me, this does not say to distance yourself from living. To me,it means to look at how you are living from a spiritual perspective…and doing that gives you calmness and motivation. It means to see things as they are, love them and move forward from that love to raise all that you touch to a different level.
Make sure, also, Verena, that you are not using your understanding of spirituality as an excuse to not be motivated. Spirituality does not mean withdrawing from life, it means fully engaging from a very different level of life! It means living to your fullest potential because it gives you joy to simply Be who you really are, and demonstrate who that is. If you are doing this, then you may actually find you have money and accolades, but they will be secondary things.
Lena, you get to decide what you wish to Be in this life. Just the fact that you have written this question tells me that you are questioning what you think you believe about spirituality. Continue questioning…and then decide what makes you feel…just feel. Feel good, feel passionate, joyful…engaged.
If you would like a continuing dialog on this topic, we have Life Coaches on the site who answer questions. (Nova Wightman, Annie Sims, J.R. Westen, and Kevin McCormack), or you could go over to The Changing Change Network, and talk about it with Spiritual Helpers and wonderful peer members.
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net, which offers spiritual assistance from a team of Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less, and offers insight, suggestions, and companionship during moments of unbidden, unexpected, unwelcome change on the journey of life. She may be contacted at Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
many many things……………. make me unhappy!!
nine years ago, my son would born, then I took a taxi to hosipital, because my husband hadn’t car, but my father had at that moment. When my son had been borned, my father and my brother hadn’t came to hosipital to visit me. My brother might be couldn’t come because the visit time just 1:00pm to 4:00pm, he needed to work, but my father hadn’t come just he didn’t want to go to hosipital. He visited my son and I since I came back to my house. but now my brother’s daughter borned, he drove his car to go to hosipital for them, he had come to hosipital to visit them, also he always to help them, my father and mother treat his wife well, everything homour my brother and her, they love their daughter so much, they don’t like my son because they think he is a naughty boy. They always altercation to my son when we go to their house everytime. They also don’t like my husband, because he haven’t make them happy, give anything to them, money…..etc. I said that just a little bit , In additon, many many things……, I can’t tell you one time…..may be you think I always compare with anothers special my brother. Yes, I think so , but I can’t accept my parents not fair to me.
Unhappy …………….
Dear Unhappy,
HAPPY NEW YEAR! What a great day to have this question, since this is a day we consciously decide to change…and I have some suggestions on how to do that!
I would invite you to read the book, “When Everything Changes, Change Everything” (WECCE). This book is all about how to deal with Change in your life, and how past data (our past experiences among other things), creates how we think and feel today. Unhappy, the nine Changes discussed there guide us into understanding that we always have a choice as to how we feel in any situation…no one makes us unhappy, we allow our unhappiness. We all have the choice to be happy by changing our minds about what makes us unhappy.
Life is all in how we look at it, Unhappy. Could it be that not having your family in your sons life is a good thing that you just do not see at this moment? Most of life is quite unseen except when looking back at it, but that backward look can be taken immediately after the event or thought…it does not have to take years.
You talk about things not being fair. Unhappy, I believe life is always fair. It is how we judge things that make things look unfair. Consider changing your mind about this as well. For instance, your niece has the attention of your family, but because of this you have been given the opportunity to look into yourself and see what is really important instead of only looking at the outside of things. you have been given the opportunity to forgive yourself and others. you have been given the opportunity for compassion. You have been given the time to be with your son and husband more.
And you have been given the opportunity to choose a different way of being a parent to your child.
A huge part of changing your mind about things that have happened is Gratitude for all that has happened…and for all that is currently in your life. Without things that seem to go “wrong”, we can never understand and appreciate things when they go “right”. When we are fearful and without gratitude, even for the things that seem awful, we stay in the feeling of “awful”, and are not capable of moving into feeling “joyful”. CWG contends that each moment of our life is an opportunity to demonstrate who we are…life is not full of challenges, it is full of opportunities!
Which means that we must practice changing our minds. It doesn’t usually happen overnight, because our past data is our life…but it can be done with grace and Love. Take moments every day to just look at what you feel is working in your life, and notice what it feels like in your body. (This is a small meditation, BTW.) That is the feeling you are looking for…and you will have created it all by yourself!
Sit and just say, “I am Grateful for Life” and feel it, and enjoy the feeling. When you know what this feeling is, you will recognize when something does not feel “Grateful”, because your body will not feel the same easy feeling. For instance, when you say “Life is unfair to me.” I’ll bet you have tightness in your chest, maybe a lump in your throat, and gut, and more. Now say, “I am Grateful for Life.” I’ll bet you can notice the difference in the feelings! When you notice the difference do you know what you have done? You have just created a Change! and you can do this with everything in your life. You will naturally wish to have this feeling and create it more and more!
I hope you read the book, Unhappy, and go to the website at www.changingchange.net for a continuing discussion with our community there.
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net, which offers spiritual assistance from a team of Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less, and offers insight, suggestions, and companionship during moments of unbidden, unexpected, unwelcome change on the journey of life. She may be contacted at Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
