Somebody Asked Me
How can I heal the pain of my uncle’s death?
My name is Michael. I am a 37 year old man and nine days ago my very beloved uncle died. He was like a father to me. He always supported me, advised me, and was always so kind to me. When I was in trouble he always helped me. Now, after nine days since he left, I feel worse and worse. The pain I have in my heart is so terrible. How can I heal this pain, that I feel is killing me?
Dear Michael… First of all, please allow me to offer my condolences. I’m sure it must be terribly painful, losing the man who was like a father to you, who was so kind and loving to you. Any time we lose someone in our lives who we were very very close to, it leaves a huge hole in our hearts.
I would encourage you to allow yourself to fully feel all of the emotions that are naturally coming up for you, yet know that they won’t kill you. You see, even though it may feel terrible, grief is actually a blessing to us. It’s that emotion that lets us know that we have loved deeply. There is an age-old question that asks, “Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?” I think for me the answer is, it is better to have loved and lost. Imagine how different your life would have been had you not been blessed by your and your uncle’s mutual love for each other. I’m sure your life would be very different if he hadn’t been in your life, so yes, by all means, grieve for your loss. Allow yourself to cry or scream or whatever wants to be released in you as you are releasing him from your physical presence.
Please know, though, that just because your uncle is no longer with you physically doesn’t mean he isn’t with you spiritually. Neale’s wonderful book, Home With God: In A Life That Never Ends says that the moment we think of a dearly departed one, their soul flies to us in an instant! And although we can’t see them with our eyes, it doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. Sometimes, if we are highly attuned we can sense their presence.
Please also know that your uncle is your angel in heaven now. I promise you, he still loves you with all his heart, and is watching over you, blessing you and sending you his love. He may even try to find a way to let you know, by sending you a sign of some kind. If this happens and the thought crosses your mind that this could be him, please don’t disregard or disbelieve it. Allow yourself to entertain the possibility that he has reached out to you!
Trite as it may sound, time heals all wounds, dear Michael. Of course, time will never cause you to stop loving your uncle, but it can help you stop missing him so much. After you have allowed yourself to grieve fully, gradually start getting back into your normal routine of life. This will help assuage the acute feeling of loss you are experiencing now. And this is good, because I know your uncle wouldn’t want you to grieve forever. He wants what any father figure wants for their child (or nephew): for you to be happy.
Please buy a copy of Home With God and read it right away. It contains “18 Remembrances” that may change your understanding about the whole process of this thing we call “life and death”. When we understand what is really happening, we can be much more at peace about it.
If, after reading the book, you are still grieving very deeply, please reach out to one of the Conversations With God Life Coaches or one of the Spiritual Helpers at CWG Helping Outreach. I’ve included a link to the website below.
I send you much love, dear Michael, as, I’m sure, does your uncle. Blesséd be.
(Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Life Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com.
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
I don’t mind if you post this, but I’d like to remain anonymous. First, I don’t have any proof that my co-worker friend is stealing from our workplace. Having said that, I’m nearly certain that she is because suddenly she is spending a great deal of money. Until recently she has been struggling financially in a big way. Should I say something to her or just mind my own business? I really care for her and don’t want to see her get in trouble. I keep going back and forth on what I should or should not do. I’ve asked myself a hundred times, “What would Oneness do?”
Dear Anonymous… I can certainly see your predicament and understand your confusion as to what to do. Because you don’t really know whether she’s stealing or not, you don’t have enough information to know how to respond.
You ask, “What would Oneness do,” and in times like these, I find it best to go to my Higher Wisdom and ask. Your key word here is “Oneness”. Since we are all part of the One Universal Energy, we have access to all of Its information. It knows so much more than the limited information our minds hold, and if you had all of the information at your fingertips you would know exactly what to do.
So the question becomes, “How can I access the information I need,” and the answer is, through your soul. Your soul is the part of you that is always connected to the One. The way to do this is to get very quiet and still, center yourself, then ask, “Dear God, what is the highest and best for me to do regarding my friend? Should I say anything to her about my suspicion that she is stealing, and if so, what is the highest and best thing for me to say?” Have a notepad handy, ready to write down anything that comes through. Don’t censor it. Just allow yourself to write whatever comes into your mind.
Now, I’m sorry if this sounds like a cop-out from me, but this is honestly the highest and best advice I know of to give you. It is exactly what I would do if I were in the same situation. When I open myself to hearing what God shares with me, the information I receive always makes me feel so much better, and the advice never steers me wrong. When we know how to access the Higher Wisdom of The One, we never again have to wallow in confusion about anything.
If you need help quieting your mind in order to do this, please click on the link below and follow the process called “How To Have Your Own Conversation With God”:
http://haveyourowncwg.kajabi.com/fe/46415-have-your-own-conversation-with-god
If, after accessing your Higher Wisdom you feel guided to speak with your friend, I can offer three suggestions to help it go as smoothly as possible:
1. Come from Big Love during the conversation. Be determined to stay as loving as possible, no matter what happens.
2. Be impeccable with your word. Choose your language slowly and carefully, allowing the One to speak through you, as you.
3. Think from the end. Envision how you would like for each of you to feel after the conversation is over. This goes a long way toward creating the scenario the way you want.
(Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Life Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com.
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
My friend Kimberly gets all the guys and all the money while I’m always struggling to pay the bills and never meet any men I like. It’s not fair. I don’t get it! She always seems to find the best-looking, nicest guys, and if it doesn’t work out, she meets another one in no time. And she doesn’t have to work because she always gets plenty of money from her ex-husband, while I’m always slaving away, trying to make ends meet. I love her a lot but can’t help feeling jealous and it’s starting to affect our relationship. … Lori
Dear Lori… I can certainly understand why you are feeling frustrated in this relationship, but the good news is, I have a key that can unlock a whole new way of looking at this AND help you start to have similar experiences to hers.
You say you are feeling jealousy, so I invite you to work toward changing that feeling to envy. Here’s why: Jealousy is detrimental to our well-being, while envy is healthy and inspiring. Envy is one of the Five Natural Emotions. It’s what makes you want to do what someone else is doing, knowing that you CAN. It’s what makes you get back on the bike after you fall off, because others have demonstrated that they can stay on it! If we become resentful that they can stay on the bike when we can’t, that’s when we become jealous. Envy continually repressed becomes jealousy, a very unnatural emotion. If you continue to feel jealous and resentful of Kimberly, it may, indeed, undermine your relationship.
The key is simple: Change your thought from “It’s not fair that she gets all the guys and money she wants” to, “If she can do it, I can too!” Allow her experience of life to inspire you instead of depress you. Let it serve as a springboard for creating similar experiences in your own life, because the truth is, there is nothing you cannot have as long as you realize it. And if she really is the friend you say she is, I’m sure she will be happy to tell you how she does it! Even if she doesn’t fully understand the metaphysical reasons behind her money and men friend manifestations, I would bet that something she says when relating her experiences to you will light a spark of understanding that will help you not only no longer feel jealous, but will give you ideas about how you, too, can have all the men and money you want for yourself.
(Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com.
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
How can I lovingly respond to friends who tell me that the only way to access God is through Jesus Christ and that I will be condemned if I don’t accept him as my Lord and Savior? I love Conversations With God and still attend a Christian church, but I am beginning to feel alienated there. Please help!… Patt
Dear Patt… My father, who believes as your Christian friends do, once told me he was worried about my Soul. I told him as earnestly as I could that God and I have a wonderful, loving, close personal relationship and he need worry no more! I think it helped ease his mind.
Living in Nashville, the city some refer to as the Buckle of the Bible Belt, I sometimes find myself in conversations about my CWG work with fundamentalist Christians. When this happens I make an effort to relate to them in terminology that they can understand. I look for common ground in these discussions because the foundational principles of Jesus’ teaching and Conversations With God are not so very different, although CWG offers us a much larger view of Life and how it works. Knowing that each of these discussions is an opportunity to gently introduce people to CWG and to help expand their spiritual awareness, I try my best to be impeccable with my word and as loving as possible.
Since you are being proselytized to, Patt, you may want to suggest setting judgment aside and listening with an open mind when discussing each other’s beliefs. Then speak your truth, but soothe your words with peace and loving kindness. Don’t be surprised, though, if, as time goes on, you feel yourself being pulled more toward other people who share your beliefs. You may even find that a different church or spiritual center more deeply resonates with you, and please don’t feel guilty about it if this happens. You may make wonderful new friends who will support you on your life’s journey and in your spiritual growth.
(Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
Dear Therese,
Well, it’s that time of year again. The time of year that I start out with good intentions to be cheerful and helpful and not get upset by my husband’s family. But Thanksgiving was a disaster, and I am so very worried that Christmas will be the same.
Here’s the thing. Every year for the past 14 years it is the same story. My husband’s sisters just let their mother do all of the work in the kitchen, and the fellas are off in the living room watching the football games, and I am the only one in the kitchen helping my mother-in-law! The ladies are all drunk, and there is an inevitable fight that breaks out, and they accuse me of not joining in with the family. I want to be part of my husband’s family, but how can I do this?
Not so jolly Joanna in Illinois.
Dear Joanna,
Boy, will a lot of people resonate with this one!
I am going to make the usual suggestions, like, can you alternate holidays, or find a way to limit your time at the event? Have you tried actually asking your husband’s sisters, or mother, just what they think you could do to fit in better? Sometimes communication does actually work, but we really don’t want to risk the status quo, (even though it sucks) being made worse…and we don’t like to acknowledge it, but even that is a choice.
Now I am going to ask a question. Just how is this serving you? What is it that you are getting from playing this little scene over and over? Until you figure out what that might be, you may just keep on playing your role in perpetuity. So, Joanna, do you enjoy being the “victim”? Do you secretly enjoy being “superior”? Maybe you are being given the opportunity to say “no” (and not taking it)? Do you really want to be part of this family, or is that just something you say because it is the “proper” way to feel? Joanna, there are so very many things that could be going on, and only you, of course, can honestly answer the question for yourself.
There is a word I used there that is very important, Joanna…opportunity. Life continues to give us the opportunities we require to have this journey as our soul desires, and sometimes those opportunities look like difficult choices and honesty with ones self. If the same thing keeps happening over and over again, it is a pretty sure bet that there is something you are not willing to look at.
Once you have answered the question above, ask yourself this question: Is this serving me in the way I would really prefer? If the answer is “no”, then ask yourself how you could see yourself acting differently, if you had the courage…would you walk out of the kitchen and ask for help? Would you leave your mother-in-law alone in the kitchen? Might you re-think those moments in the kitchen and cherish the one on one time with her?
You see, Joanna, once we look at who we are Being in any circumstance, we get to decide if we are happy or miserable…we get to actually choose which one serves us in that moment! AND get to decide that we can do the same thing we have always done, but, as “The Only Thing That Matters” says, do it for an entirely different purpose. We can know that even the mundane, and the painful are spiritual events, and we get to choose to look at them one way or the other.
I’ll bet, Joanna, that if you go to the Christmas event with the mindset that you are going to look at each person as individuations of Divinity…if you decide to BE the calm center in whatever chaos may ensue…that you will have a very different experience than before…and you may even see the family transform before your eyes as well. But even if they don’t, you will have transformed your own unhappiness, and that seems like a pretty good gift to give yourself!
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.cwghelpingoutreach.com She may be contacted at: Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
At your suggestion I have started doing Neale’s “How To Have Your Own Conversation With God” process on CWG TV. Today was my third CWG and it continues to be of tremendous help. I am still working on going deeper, but even now it is so good to go there, if that makes sense.
When I first went to CWG TV the other day, I watched Neale’s introductory video, where he talks about re-contextualization. I immediately put it to use in regard to my ex-husband because I have continued to go on believing that somehow I just didn’t measure up to him, that I was somehow an inferior person and he wanted to move on to someone better than me. I have been divorced for over a decade, so this is kind of embarrassing to admit, but it’s true.
Well, the truth is I don’t know that for sure… and well, I guess you could say I just made it up and chose to keep believing it. So, like Neale said, why not make up something better, more to your liking. So I did. And I am sticking to it and feel so much better and am leaving that old “reality” behind. Do you have any insights or suggestions you can add to this? Thank you… Lee
Dear Lee,
You hit the nail on the proverbial head when you said you “chose to keep believing it.” A belief is only a thought that we’ve continued to think over and over, and the great thing about this is, we are always at choice as to what we will think about now! Yes, if this has been weighing on you for over a decade, it is high time for a New Thought. Change your thinking, change your life.
While you are re-contextualizing this event, I invite you to remember that Conversations With God says, “I have sent you nothing but angels.” The relationship with your ex-husband wouldn’t have existed were it not for your ultimate expansion and highest good.
My prayer regarding difficult situations is this: “Thank you, God, for helping me to see this through the lens of my soul, rather than through the filters of my mind.” Knowing that nothing happens to me, but that everything happens through me for my highest good, helps me rise to my God-perspective about things.
An attitude of gratitude changes everything. If you can try hard, with your own CWGs’ help, to find things to be truly grateful for about the entire experience with your ex—the good, the bad, and the ugly—the leftover memories and confusion can begin to release their hold on your deep psyche.
Now, about those personal CWGs: I am so glad you are doing them because they are enormously beneficial. Please, though, don’t feel you have to “work on going deeper”. Simply allow more information to come through as you become more comfortable with the practice. Different people have different depths of detail and some people’s CWGs are longer than others. The length of the response doesn’t matter, as long as you receive the clarity you desire.
(Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
I’m going through some big changes in my life on many fronts, from my career changing, moving into a new home, going through a recent break-up, to a loved one being sick. Some days I feel okay about it all, like I can handle it and that it’s leading me to someplace really, really good even if it doesn’t always feel that way. Other days I feel like I’m drowning and am full of anxiety, I sometimes even feel depressed and helpless. How can I ride out this time of great transition without going crazy??
Marion, Ohio
Hi Marion,
Oh do I feel for you. While I believe that all change is for the better, even the tough kind and even if the evidence of that takes awhile to show itself, I can appreciate the difficulty of the state you’re in while going through it. I happen to be in a time of great flux as well, and have my “I’m going crazy” moments. While I won’t get into and make it about me, I will tell you that you’re not alone, and offer you some guidance in the form of how I am navigating it all.
First and foremost, don’t do it alone. Surround yourself with every person who has ever said “Anything I can do?” or “Let me know if you need anything at all, I’m here for you.” Take them up on it. And if you’re short on those kinds of people in your life, hire someone: a coach, a therapist, etc. Or you can reach out to someone on the CWG Helping Outreach team (www.cwghelpingoutreach.com), a team of volunteer Spiritual Helpers who can listen and help you make sense of things. Also, if you haven’t yet read Neale’s book “When Everything Changes, Change Everything” please grab a copy and dive in. I will also say that if you think you are clinically depressed, please just stop reading here and go get that help; the following guidance doesn’t really apply in that case.
Now, for the hands on, do it right now advice. I follow one major rule of thumb when navigating change, and although it is incredibly simple (in theory, not necessarily in application), it is hands down the most effective tool I have come across for navigating such times, as well as life in general. When you are feeling down, tired, overwhelmed, hopeless, upset, depressed, etc., do not, I repeat DO NOT think of anything important or make important decisions from that place. Wait until you feel better, even a little bit better, and believe me, you will. You’ve already identified that you have days/moments where you feel okay or good about things and trust that everything is unfolding the way it needs to. Those are the times to give those big topics of change your attention, from that better-feeling place that is also known as a “higher vibrating” place.
You see, it is when we are feeling good and vibrating high that we have access to the answers, ideas, resources, inspiration and clarity that we need to help us live more in the flow of life versus trying to swim against the current. It’s when we are feeling like crap and try to act from that place that we are swimming against the current because, put simply, we don’t have access to all of those things I just listed. We are clouded, confused, can’t seem to see more than an inch or two in front of our faces, and everything looks worse than it really is. Sound familiar?
So that’s it in a nutshell. Avoid the heck out of your reality when you’re feeling down, discipline yourself to simply not give it your attention with the awareness that if you do, you are not accessing truth. Distract yourself in the meantime with things that help you to feel a tiny bit better until you feel good enough to give it your attention again, even if that looks like taking a nap, crying it out, going for a walk, or watching a movie while eating ice cream (one of my favorites, by the way, though I wouldn’t recommend making this one your go-to move unless you have an extremely high metabolism).
You can accept that this period of transition will be challenging, you will have ups and you will have downs. During the downs, give yourself a break. During the ups, milk it for all it’s worth. You will find yourself on the other side of this, better for it, a higher version of Who You Really Are, and I can sense that you already know that, Marion. Go ahead and trust that.
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
Dear Therese,
A friend and I have been doing things together twice a week for almost ten years. We enjoy our time together, and have many things in common, but that’s not the problem. My problem is that I always drive, because she doesn’t, and she has never once offered to pay me for gas. Until recently that wasn’t an issue, because the places we like to go are in her area, but I am on a fixed income and would sure like to keep costs down for me, and there are things much closer to me that I could go to, instead of by her. How do I tell her?
W.H. in Wisconsin
Dear W.H.,
The simple answer, W.H., is tell her exactly what you just told me! You’ve given no indication that she is abusive or unreasonable, which probably means that she has likely fallen into the habit of letting you pay. Is it possible that when this arrangement began you consistently told her it was your pleasure, or no problem, or you liked doing this? Sweetie, if you don’t speak up, you will never know if there really is a problem! It could be that she is very willing to pay, just doesn’t know circumstances have changed for you.
Your predicament is a microcosm of a much larger social problem, of course. We are encouraged to give, but not told why. The “why” is because this life isn’t about us, it is about how our lives touch and improve the lives others. (Put very simply , of course) What we aren’t really told these days, is that all benefits must be mutual. The mutual ultimately boils down to the joy of giving, but being the human beings that we are, it often takes something a little more concrete to demonstrate mutuality. For sure it means that one person can not take advantage of another. When generosity is abused the energy of the relationship changes, and we feel it.
Then comes the next predicament. We are also told that we have to be nice. We are encouraged to avoid conflict. We are fearful that other people won’t like us. None of these things are necessarily wrong, until they stop us from being true to ourselves. When we stop being true to ourselves, W.H., we also stop giving from our joy, and our giving becomes tainted.
When our giving no longer comes from our joy, as is demonstrated in your case, it effects relationships. Your friend, W.H., has no way of knowing that something has changed unless you tell her. Chances are she suspects, by your behavior, or some subtle changes in you, but she can not really know until you tell her your truth. I suggest you tell her very gently, but directly, that your circumstances have changed. Don’t just stop doing things with her and go to places closer without giving her a chance to give back to you. Who knows, she may have been hiding information from you about her finances or other things, and may wish to talk to you, too. This one thing may actually open up a whole new avenue of communication between the two of you.
We just never know where standing in our own truth, even in seemingly simple things, will take us!
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.cwghelpingoutreach.com She may be contacted at: Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
My wife called me crying because of a couple she found in a laundromat. I found out later they were homeless but chose to live their lives in the streets. My wife wanted to help them so we bought them food and gave them blankets and pillows. (I had tried to get them a room in nearby motels but they were well known and had created such a mess and “smell” before that the motels had to throw everything away.) Other people had paid cash for a room and then put the homeless couple in there without the manager being aware. In other words there was “no room in the inn.”
Because of my background in law enforcement I found some police officers and spoke to them about a homeless shelter. There are none in the city and there are up to 25 “couples” they are aware of living in wooded areas within the city limits.
I now feel I would like to help with love, money, and time, to help these people but do not have a clue where to start. Any suggestions?… Mickey
Dear Mickey… How about soliciting help from the churches in your area? Perhaps you can put together a meeting with area church leaders asking them to help you implement a program called “Room In the Inn.”
The homeless people can sleep in the church’s fellowship halls, taking turns on different nights so that it wouldn’t be overwhelming to any one church. If you can get 7 churches to commit, each church would have one night per week. If you can get 14 churches to help, that’s just one night every two weeks.
The members can volunteer their time helping with meals and clean-up and have a couple of men from the church designated to stay overnight. The ladies can bring in potluck dinners and breakfasts.
How’s that sound? Think how great you’ll feel if you get this going! And your sweet wife won’t have to cry anymore.
(Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
A good friend of mine is going through some major changes in her life – angry separation from family, decrease in career/income, and her gentleman friend called and told her he’d found someone new.
She’s in a panic and turning to me and another good friend for support. I offered her the WECCE book, which she started to read and then put down. At this time she’s in no mood to hear that these changes may be for her own good and/or that she created them.
I want to support her, but am unsure what to say to her or do for her. I cannot in honesty say “poor dear”, because I DO believe WECCE (it’s worked in my life many times). I can agree with her that it’s a frightening and sad time for her, but she’s not ready to hear that the choice not to be frightened and sad has to come from within herself.
I’ve told her that I know (from experience) that there’s really nothing I can say to make her feel better, that’s a decision she must make for herself. But that I will support her totally in her choices to create the life she really wants, and that I love her.
At one point in WECCE Neil says to stay with a feeling until it no longer serves you. Maybe that’s what she’s doing – staying with the saddness, anger and fear until it no longer serves? Then when she asks for help, what does a friend say?
Thanks, K
Dear K,
You have given her the book, and when/if it is time for her to read it, she will. How lucky she is to have a friend like you who cares enough to not just talk, but to give tools!
There is nothing wrong, by the way, with saying, “poor dear” to her at this point in her changes, K. This human experience is all too real and all too painful, more so for some than others. Saying “poor dear” now, does not mean that you must continue to do so, which would, of course, be enabling her to not even consider changing her mind about what is going on. So, yes, for now she must experience sadness, anger and fear until it no longer serves her…but, of course, everything does eventually serve.
The mistake that your friend may be making, regarding the “she created them” statements in the book, is forgetting that we are co-creators…and even then we are co-creating on a Soul level, and for a Soul purpose! We most often have no direct control over the total picture, because we are rarely alone in that picture! However, and this is the big “however”, we do have control over our own reactions to the events of our lives. The big lie, if you will, is that we can not consciously control who we are, in any given situation. WECCE, as you know, gives us tools on how to do just that. It gives us tools to overcome past data and become conscious co-creators and not victims. The biggest example I give is Nelson Mandella. He was in prison for many years, unjustly, and yet he knew that this was just his external circumstance, and that it had nothing to do with who he really is. The same can be said of Jesus, or Ghandi, and many others. There were surely people in that same prison with Mandella, imprisoned falsely, who thought of themselves as victims. The two thieves on the cross with Jesus…one found gratitude and love, the other stayed in victimhood. They each made a choice.
You might consider, when you are around your friend, and she is negative and in victim mode, asking her gentle questions and gently pointing out different ways of looking at things. For instance, when she points out how horrible her boyfriend is, you might ask her if it isn’t a good thing that he isn’t lying to her any more so she can move on with her life in truth…or if it isn’t a good thing that she isn’t taking any more risk of disease. I am sure you get where I am going. There is always a positive side, if one is willing to change their mind.
Of course, if the negativity continues, it may come to the point you refer to above, and you simply have to say, “I can see that you are hurting, but I can also see that none of the things that I have said mean anything to you right now. I would like you to find the help and support you require, but it is clearly not coming from me right now. I love you, and will be here when you think I can really be of help to you, but I can’t just sit here and let you live in misery and enable you to do so.”
I would encourage you to encourage her to look at what fear (panic) is doing to her, and see that it doesn’t really serve her in the way she might think it is serving her. Those are emotions that only cause us to stay in place, whilst looking backward with longing…but she can change her mind about her future!
Thank you for coming here, and thank you for being a good friend, K!
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.cwghelpingoutreach.com She may be contacted at: Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
